liamtheancient

[liamtheancient]

many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. and it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘what do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ yes, evil often seems to surpass good. but then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. one morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. and so I must still have hope.

- van gogh

[liamtheancient]

Sometimes, I wish it would storm for weeks on end, maybe even months. I wish it would be dark every time I walk out my door, or every time I peak through the blinds on my window. I find comfort in the dark, in the way the moisture hangs in the air almost as if it's trying to hug you, or suffocate you, or maybe even both, in Mother nature's erratically loving way. I want to take shelter under a tree who's branches sway in the wind, like a mother swaying side to side as she hums lullabies to her child, and watch as the lightning shows me how similar us humans really are to the stormy skies. I want to find comfort in the isolation of the damaging winds, everyone else locking themselves indoors while the world feels like it's crying, washing away all of the bad you can find here thanks to humanity. I want to be alone in the fierceness of it all, I want to have this feeling of safety and not have to let it go after an hour or two. I miss the way I always felt so protected when it would storm for weeks on end as a child. I just wish the storms would stay.

#dark cottagecore #storm clouds #storms #lightning #writing #yearning #cottagecore #darkcore #comfort #dark comfort #thunderstorms #ceraunophile #pluviophile

[liamtheancient]

😑😑😑

[liamtheancient]

What's the trope name for when someone finds out they're the Chosen One(tm) and is like "No, thank you" and goes and does something else

[liamtheancient]

owen wilsons best role is the very small cowboy in the night at the musuem movie. thats who he is to me.

[liamtheancient]

I'm not gonna tear up just bc I had a bad dream and immediately saw this, I'm not

oh baby, did you have a bad dream? come here love, climb into bed with daddy. you know ill take care of you and keep you safe always.

[liamtheancient]

when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest

[liamtheancient]

Reblog to give an ancient spirit lurking in your room a nice hot bowl of soup

[liamtheancient]

I made another comic

[liamtheancient]

today’s mood

Woke up stupid fucking early so I guess I'm gonna jack off

[liamtheancient]

lets go to on a date where we get takeout and stare at the stars tell eachother secrets and play on the swings

[liamtheancient]

feeling like you’ll never be good enough for another gay man bc you’re trans>>>>kill me

#mlm problems #trans problems #mlm #ftm #gay #ftm transguy #t4t #t4t mlm #trans male #trans masc #lgbtqia #lgbtq ftm #lgbt discourse #ftm problems #ftm switch #lonely gay

[liamtheancient]

It’s weird. We always talked about how this town was too small for us, not even as a whole but as separate individuals. But it was only when you left that I realized HOW small - while simultaneously how big. I can’t go anywhere these days without a memory of you deciding to make itself known. So I drive - I drive and drive and drive to outrun these memories of you, but I can’t get far enough. And you know what? Even as I’m trying to outrun your memories, I’m searching for you everywhere I drive. That’s why I’ve realized how big this town is. You’re never anywhere, no where to be found while you live a life unknown to me in the same place we said was suffocating. I won’t find you. It’s weird how things work.

#I’m sad #it’s been a year why does it still hurt so bad lol #poetry?? #journal #writing

[liamtheancient]

Redoing the post since I cleaned out my blog. I need money for rent and other expenses so I can move away to a safe home, tysm for the help

[liamtheancient]

When does your pet fully trust you?

A stray thought that occured to me today, about pets and trust.

After over 20 years of having pets of all kinds, that came to our house in various stages of trauma and varying levels of experience with humans, there is way always one foolproof way to tell if an animal actually trusts you.

Removing eye crusts.

(I've only had mammals, so I can't speak for birds, repriles and other various and sundry animals, but this rule has held true for numerous cats, dogs, rats, hamsters, two rabbits and a cow.)

Just imagine it. You are likely tiny. Maybe you are big, but most likely small. Maybe you hunt, or maybe you run. Maybe you have paws with claws, or legs with hooves, or almost hands. And you get eye crusts.

Because eye crusts are inevitable when you have eyeballs that need to stay moist and lubricated. And while it's not usually painful or debilitating, it is uncomfortable, and you may not be able to get rid of it yourself.

Enter giant hairless apes with opposable thumbs.

But these apes could be dangerous. Eyes are extremely important but very sensitive, easily vulnerable. Mere carelessness is enough to lose one. Eye crusts are a bother, but removing them isn't worth risking losing such an important organ. If they go near your eyeball with their fingers, they will lose them swiftly, or at least learn better than to try again!

But when that hairless ape, far too big or barely bigger than you, has proven themself worthy of your trust... Then the risk seems acceptable.

So you have a crusty eye. Your paw isn't enough to get it out. It's a bother, but you manage.

Enter a giant hairless ape with opposable thumbs.

This giant hairless ape has been good to you, has provided you food, shelter, warmth and companionship. They have seen and touched your belly, your neck, your ears, and even your young. Not once have you come to harm. They see your eye is bothering you, so they lick one of their strange fingers and bring it to your eye.

You do not stop them, even though you could. The pad of their thumb is soft, but tipped with a claw. But they are careful, and the thin claw maybe skims your brow, but it does not harm your eye. Maybe you squirm, because it's not exactly comfortable, but you do not struggle or stop them, you do not run away.

Because you trust them. Trust that they will not hurt, only help. That they will be careful with you.

You blink, and your eye is clear. The crust is gone, and that strange hand with the opposable thumb is petting your head, your ears, your back.

Good human.

[liamtheancient]

I was trying to explain tumblr to someone who had never used it before and she said “So what do people post there? Videos, like on tiktok?” and it took all my self control not to say “Mostly we just post bullshit.”

[liamtheancient]

6/27/21

I have really been down on myself for so long for not keeping this blog up to date and not posting more recovery details as they were happening. Sometimes being in the middle of it is more overwhelming that you aren’t really thinking much about documenting it lol

That being said I am at a much better place in my life right now and am extremely motivated in a lot of areas. I am working full time, going to the gym 5 days a week, and training to become a fitness/nutrition coach. I really feel like I am in a spot to get this blog a lot more active and keep up with it on daily basis. I would really love to get more information out there and routinely be answering questions many of you might have.

I just recently passed my 4 years post op phalloplasty and am less than a week away from my 6 years post op for top surgery. I am also 10 months post op the 3 piece inflatable erectile implant and nearly 8 years on testosterone.

Please feel free to message me any topics you’d like me to make a more in depth post about! You can really ask me anything, but if I feel like the question is too far then I will just say so instead of answering!