lilloserhereagain

[lilloserhereagain]

i look around the room.

and I am alone.

alone

#s3lfharmm #tw s3lf harm #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #shtumblr #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #selfharn #sewerslidal #tw depressing stuff #tw sh related #harry styles #And I'm suddenly crying

[lilloserhereagain]

i relapsed 😞😣😭

#s3lfharmm #tw s3lf harm #shtumblr #self h@rm #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #tw cvts #tw self destructive behavior #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #selfharn #sewerslidal #tw depressing stuff #tw self loathing #tw sh related

[lilloserhereagain]

Oh and I almost forgot...

Me and my two sisters were hanging out with one of their friends and she mentioned a story about this cxxtter she used to hang out with.

Her: yeah, that was before she was crazy

#s3lfharmm #tw s3lf harm #shtumblr #self h@rm #tw self destructive behavior #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #sewerslidal #tw depressing stuff #tw self loathing #tw sh related

[lilloserhereagain]

TW rant.

I graduated a couple days ago.

My birthday is coming up.

Dad suddenly decided no more sweets for a couple weeks.

Today was supposed to be my celebration, but mom decided I didn't deserve an open house (party) and she told me so.

I wanted to play video games like we do on most holidays and no one wants to do anything with me.

and I can't stop freaking crying.

#I hate myself rieijdiivififiirrnnrnrj #s3lfharmm #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #shtumblr #tw s3lf harm #made of styrofoam #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #tw cvtting #sewerslidal #selfharn #tw depressing stuff #tw self loathing #tw sh related #shitpost

[lilloserhereagain]

look at what tmblr recommended for me ↖️↖️↖️↖️

#self h@rm #made of styrofoam #tw s3lf harm #shtumblr #s3lfharmm #tw cvtting #tw self destructive behavior #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #sewerslidal #tw depressing stuff #tw sh related #tw self loathing #Tw cvtte

[lilloserhereagain]

#I really do hate myself #s3lfharmm #shtumblr #self h@rm #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #sewerslidal #selfharn #tw depressing stuff #tw self loathing #tw sh related #SoundCloud

[lilloserhereagain]

sorry i isolated myself for a month i was having a depressive episode and it’ll definitely happen again

[lilloserhereagain]

You're working hard and doing a good job, recovery is difficult

Thank you for saying that. I genuinely needed to hear it -er read it - you know.

#s3lfharmm #shtumblr #self h@rm #tw self destructive behavior #tw cvtting #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #made of styrofoam #tw s3lf harm

[lilloserhereagain]

Anyone want to just open up about your mental health problems and family problems to some random stranger on the internet?

Nah I didn't think so.

#The loneliness is hitting so friggin hard I think I might die #And I'm not the type of person to exaggerate. #I don't know what to do anymore. Mom wants me to start wearing short sleeves but I don't have the strength to. #I can't explain it... Why I slf hrmd #Just please someone I can't do this anymore I kind of feel suwdrshlidal and al I want is to just feel normal again I can't breathe it's s #So hot in here can't #shit I'm losing it omggggggg g #Pleade I can't fo dthis anymore #Dhhdheueuuedjjjdduduududuud7jskskkkskkskzkkkkkßssß #Help plz plwae sbsjnsjsjsjsjsjsjsjiusieieijeeiejje #Dissosia i

[lilloserhereagain]

Soooooo... now what?

#s3lfharmm #shtumblr #self h@rm #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts #sewerslidal #selfharn #tw depressing stuff #tw self loathing #tw sh related

[lilloserhereagain]

If you struggle with anxiety, overwhelm, or just plain feeling like a failure, I have a mantra for you that’s been really helping me out lately:

Just show up.

I used to skip class because the whole thing was so overwhelming: I had to get dressed in something clean even though I never had the energy to do laundry, walk to school, sit in class for up to three hours, plus pay attention, take notes, and participate in discussion. In reality, I was being a perfectionist, and life would have been a lot easier for me if I had Just Shown Up. By staying home because of my depression and anxiety, I wasn’t giving myself the chance to do any of that. I was such a perfectionist that being a “bad” or average student was unthinkable, so I stopped being a student at all.

If you’re having trouble getting something done, Just Show Up. You don’t have to be employee of the month. You don’t have to be valedictorian. Just Show Up.

[lilloserhereagain]

I should do something productive...

#but i just cant #Regular tags I guess... #self h@rm #tw s3lf harm #shtumblr #made of styrofoam #tw self destructive behavior #tw cvtting #tw cvts #cxtting #sh relapse #fresh cvts

[lilloserhereagain]

u kno a bitch is crazy when she runs a tumblr blog

[lilloserhereagain]

AND VICE VERSA

DO NOT FUCKING PUT UNRELATED SEL/F HA/RM SHIT IN THE E.D TAGS !!!

#s3lfharmm #self h@rm #ed relapse #ed recovery #Seriously though it's super triggering for everyone #So please pay attention to what tags u guys use

[lilloserhereagain]

By the way... Thanks for 240 followers yeesh wow...

That's insane.

[lilloserhereagain]

Soooo it's been a while since I last came on here.

I've been clean from sh for a month and basically have been avoiding shtmblr. I guess it's because I just couldn't keep relying on it you know? All of you guys are so nice and every comment whether sharing your thoughts or just plain old commenting... It makes me feel like there's actually someone out there who cares. And I got really attached to this place.

But my only friend is moving a way to uni in about a year and his sister (who was my friend but mainly my lil sis's bff) hasn't emailed me in forever. She hasn't replied and I'm just going to give up on trying. My lil sis is suwrshlidal and her friend is depressed so I know they need each other....

But I'm kind of lonely.

Like not your "oh I've got no friends my life sucks" type of lonely but more the kind where I lay awake at night feeling this terrible feeling in the middle of my stomach... If you know what I mean lol.

I'm just so alone. No one cares about anything I do. And it makes me so discouraged, though I am still going.

What does going even mean?

I can barely keep up with what day it is much less "going."

I'm exhausted guys.

And here I am alone in me and my sisters' room with my phone in my hand, my family in the living room watching TV together, the cat sleeping on my bed...

I'm tired of it.

Sorry for being so dramatic, but I need to be honest. I can't even be honest with my freaking journal these days lol.

I'm so tired.

--lil loser / lil loner.

#s3lfharmm #self h@rm #shtumblr #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #tw cvts #sh relapse #fresh cvts #sewerslidal #selfharn #tw depressing stuff #tw self loathing #tw sh related #tw depressing thoughts #cxtting #cvutting

[lilloserhereagain]

ON ME

a song dedicated to my mom

-by Lilloserhereagain a.k.a. Lil Loner

I don't deserve you.

You've always hated me.

Think I'm useless too.

You're non-stop berating.

You make me want to end me.

Learned to hate my own fam'ly

Or maybe it's just you

What is wrong with you

Pain, unimaginable pain.

The words you say, the words you say

Fall, falling. Finding it hard now.

Okay somehow, okay somehow.

I am so selfish.

You've always told me.

Think I'm too hopeless.

When will I be free

You make me want to end me.

Learned to hate my own fam'ly

Or maybe it's just you

What is wrong with you

Pain, unimaginable pain.

The words you say, the words you say

Fall, falling. Finding it hard now.

Okay somehow, okay somehow.

I want to cry.

I want to stop.

I want to die.

I want to NOT.

Over and over, again and again.

On your high horse, you pretend your Christian.

More hurt and more hurt, you blame my own pain

On me.

I want to cry.

I want to stop.

I want to die.

I want to NOT.

Over and over, again and again.

On your high horse, you pretend your Christian.

More hurt and more hurt, you blame my own pain

On me.

Feeling I'm fighting

But left I'm writhing

Hopeless devoted

Worthless demoted

Total piece of junk

A true freak, above,

No thing below

Some thing, you know,

You blame it

Go name it

I feel it

So seal it

Make it

Take it

to be true.

Put the blame

On me.

...Just stopped by to post this real quick. Sorry I haven't been around lately. Wish I could be.

#sh relapse #shtumblr #tw self destructive behavior #tw s3lf harm #self h@rm #made of styrofoam #tw cvtting #cxtting