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anyway. onto better things

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you worry the cardboard sleeve around the coffee and think about landfills and the future without straws. you are worried about prion disease and deer. you are worried about the rising temperature of mushrooms. you are worried about teflon and microplastics and carcinogens and whatever else you're being quietly lied to about.

your mother used to jokingly say you are "a worrier," which always kind of oddly hurt your feelings. you feel like a person. and besides, you've been told one-million-times that this is normal. examples get trotted out in a pony show each time: everyone gets nervous sometimes. they talk about public speaking and picturing people naked and how when they get nervous they just-get-over-it.

you run your hands down the grater of your life and feel the sharpness. you started holding your breath in tunnels as a kid, worried that if you relax, the ceiling would cave in. like years of architects and engineers weren't responsible - you, and your faith, you were responsible for the success of infrastructure. if you slipped for a moment, your whole family would be swept away under the ocean. and the problem is that it worked - no tunnel collapsed.

you once broke a coffee carafe and even though you didn't drink from it after, you worried that there had been some previous invisible micro-break that had made you drink glass particles. you stayed awake for 24 hours, constantly dreading each swallow, waiting to taste blood.

you hate being late, you worry about it. you go to grab literally just lunch with a friend - no pressure, no emergency - and you still park the car an hour early and just sit there scrolling on your phone aimlessly. maybe you just don't like surprises or change. you triple-check you locked the doors, and then go to bed, and then get up out of bed to check twice again.

a worrier. like a strange and dreadful bingo card, you collect weekly experiences. someone tells you that you're overthinking, that's 2 points. you have to physically turn around and go back in your house to check you unplugged everything, that's 1 point. spiraling about climate change or politics or the state of the world is a free space, that's basically every evening.

you worry you're being selfish and not a good person because how come you're worried about your dog's health and the itch in your eye when you know people who are really very ill or who have it worse or who are genuinely struggling. then you worry that you're being annoying by infantilizing them. then you worry that your priorities are wrong, that you should be infinitely more worried about the state of a dying planet.

you wanted to be a person, is all. you wanted to go through life in a softness, to hold the world gently and have it whisper past you. and instead you are a worrier. everything that touches you is hard and raw and sharp like diamonds.

#you wanted to be a person #is all #oh Ow #that's so....... hhhhhhhh fuck #gorgeous writing As Always #hurts like none other A+

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she gave cunt and she served and she died

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2023 -> 2024

#art

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#literally!!!!!!

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ur telling me video games can animate hair down to the individual mf strand but not body fat? give me an rpg with fat jiggle physics or give me death tbh

#mine #yes this is a bg3 callout post

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I'm late to the paleontology drama but my god this is so funny

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"someone who allows you to rest" is the relationship dynamic of all time

#fv #one of the most touching things i've heard in my adult life is that the best thing you can do for another person #is make it easier for them to rest #i rly think about that every day and it has reshaped what i offer and what i ask for

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To run with you

#art

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Using dissociate instead of zoning out. Describing a hobby as a hyperfixation. Saying nonverbal when you want a bit of quiet. Saying intrusive thoughts because that must mean an urge like to buy coffee or hair dye. Do you know feeling off sometimes is a sign of autism? Lying is gaslighting. Everyone I dislike is a narcissist.

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Day 89

Hot Air Balloon

#hot air balloon

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"Kill them with kindness" Wrong. Thousand Boop attack.

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*survives the horrors by being such a silly goofy guy that my presence fundamentally changes the genre*

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Anna Haifisch

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Morgan Nikola-Wren

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[Image description in alt text.]

some soft safehouse jmart from a while back... they deserve to sleep in a little

#they deserve to sleep in a little #tma