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literaturesslut · 3 years

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your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in

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Summary: The one where Jude actually receives Cardan's letters.

Pairing: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar

Words: 2.8k

Tagging: @figonas @mayhemories @lysandra-ghost-leopard @charrise @o-rion-sta-r

It's been months and Jude misses Elfhame. She could come back, figured as much by Cardan's letters. But something is holding her back.

Jude,

You are in no mood for games. Very well, I am in no mood for them, either.

Let me write it outright. You are pardoned. I revoke your banishment. I rescind my words.

Come home.

Come home and shout at me. Come home and fight with me. Come home and break my heart, if you must.

Just come home.

Cardan.

"What if you already broke mine?" Jude mutters to the empty room, reading the letter again and again until the words blur together. She tries to blink the tears away but it's no use.

And she isn't this girl. She's never cried for some stupid boy who hurt her. "If you hurt me, I wouldn't cry. I would hurt you back," she has told Locke as much. So why is she crying for Cardan now? Why do his letters make her heart jump out of her chest? Why does something inside of her flutter at the sound of his name?

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Jude wakes up drowning. Sometimes, Jude wakes up with a crushing weight on top of her and an empty feeling inside her and she can’t—get—free. And for all the times in between, she wakes up, terrified out of his skin calling Cardan's name.

Elfhame is not your home. Is not where you belong. A nagging voice screams in her mind. And Jude can't deny that. She remembers all those times where she nearly died, where she was attacked, tricked, or betrayed, more than once by her own sister.

But God, she misses him. She misses magic, and the power, and him. Always him.

She misses their bickering and the fights. She misses watching Cardan dance at the revels. She misses eating breakfast with him, and lunch, and dinner. She misses his smile and his laugh and that’d look in his eyes that he’d get, all soft as he watched her when he thought she wasn't aware. Oh, and his stupid tail. She never thought she could miss that stupid fucking tail so much, but she does.

God, she just misses him. And she hates him for that.

She hates how her stomach still does backflips when the thought of the kisses they've shared crosses her mind, how when she pictures seeing him again there's always this flutter in her chest that just about hurts now.

She hates that this is all her fault.

"Hey! There's another letter!" Vivi enters her room unnanounced, a letter in her hand and Jude breaks a little more inside. There's been a letter every now and then but recently it's been more frequent, more desperate.

She takes the letter from Vivi and waits for her sister to leave her alone. Once she makes sure her sister can't read over her shoulder, Jude opens the envelope, preparing herself. She fears the day the letters stop coming.

Jude,

Not even responding to my missives is ridiculous and beneath you and I hate it.

Cardan.

Jude can't help but laugh hysterically at the words on the paper. God, Cardan already had her heart in the palm of his hand, couldn't he see that?

She starts shaking, the lump on her throat making her feel like she couldn't breathe. She's hyperventilating. She can't stop. She wants to break the letter, burn it, forget that Cardan Greenbriar ever existed. Only her hands keep shaking and she is not breathing normally and, God, she feels so much like crying. She can't stop thinking, searching for something to focus on, something that doesn't remind her of him.

She can't find anything.

She wants to forget how it felt to be his, even if it was only for a moment.

The more she tries, the more she realizes that she can't.

That's when she finally cries herself to sleep.

She dreams of curly, iridescent midnight hair and sharp cheekbones, of dark eyes, looking at her fondly and soft lips touching hers.

When she wakes up it's still dark but she knows it's close to dawn. Rain was falling and hammering at the roof and windows.

There's a letter on her night table and her heart flutters, knowing that it must've come from one person only.

She quickly opens it, the sleep far gone by now, and is greeted with Cardan's scratchy and a little messy writing.

To the High Queen of Elfhame,

Above me, it's the same silvery moon that shines down on you. Looking at it makes me recall the glint of your blade pressed against my throat and other romantic moments.

I do not know what keeps you from returning to the High Court —whether it is vexation with me, or whether, having spent time in the mortal world, you have come to believe that a life free of the Folk is better than one ruling over them.

In my most wretched hours, I believe you will never come back.

Why would you, save for your ambition? You have always known exactly what I am and seen all of my failings, all my weaknesses, and scars. I flattered myself that at moments you had feelings for me other than contempt, but even were that true, they would make but a thin gruel beside the feast of your other, greater desires.

And yet, my heart is buried with you in the strange soil of the mortal world, as it was drowned with you in the cold waters of the Undersea.

It was yours before I could admit it, and yours it shall ever remain.

Cardan.

And god, does Jude love Cardan. She loves him with every breath she breathes and every move she makes. It courses through her veins and is carved into her very bones. It’s so big that it surrounds her entirely, swallows her whole until all she can feel, all she knows, is loving Cardan Greenbriar.

It would be beautiful, perhaps, if it wasn’t so painful. Because her soul feels like it’s grieving every time she gets a new letter, every time she dreams of him and reaches for him but can’t have him. And Jude can’t catch his breath every time he sees the words inked on paper, begging her to come back. Somehow it feels like a trick, it must be, because Jude's been through enough to know she doesn't get a happy ending.

And she hates so much that this is the person she's becoming; she hates that she feels spiteful, insecure, and weak, and hurt, and just so fucking out of control. But there's nothing she can do to change it, no matter how hard she tries to stop feeling this way.

“You’ve had that look on your face the whole time you've been here,” Vivi says, leaning on the door frame and Jude looks up at her, surprised and a little confused. It's pretty early and Vivian is not an early riser but then she sees the phone in her hand and figures that her sleeples state must be Heather related.

Jude frowns. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Viv waves at her face like that’s an answer.

“That look,” she says. “Like you’re constipated and trying not to hit something.”

That’s fairly specific, Jude thinks. She snorts out a laugh as a delay tactic because she needs a second to get her shit together before she even thinks about answering, the words of the letter still burning at the back of her mind.

"I have you know, that's my normal face." She replies, still laughing like her heart isn’t hurting.

Her sister sighs and walks closer to her until she's next to her sitting on the bed.

"No. That's the look you get when you think about him... which is all the time." Vivi says knowingly. "Look, Jude, I love you, and believe me when I say that you staying in the mortal world with me and having as much of a normal life as we can is all I want for us. But you're not happy, you're miserable, in fact."

"I'm not—"

"You love him. And I know it's hard and scary, especially after everything he did to you, but you have to ask yourself: are you better here without him than you are with him? Is it worth it?" Vivi asks. "I just don't want you to regret anything in the future when it might be too late."

"I honestly don't know." She hates how her voice breaks and a lonely tear falls down her cheek.

"Love is complicated and painful sometimes, Jude. And we made mistakes and we break promises and we lie, which makes everything so much harder than it should be. But, from what I can see, Cardan is willing to work it out. He's waiting for you and... I've never seen anyone in Elfhame look at someone the way he looks at you. That has to mean something, right?"

"What if I end up like mom?" Her voice is small and unsure and she's never felt so much like a little girl before.

Vivi gives her this sad soft look with tearful eyes and shakes her head.

"I won't let that happen. And for all of his tough-guy act, Cardan doesn't seem like the type who would kill his wife."

"Yeah, he can't fight even if his life depended on it." She jokes but it falls flatly. "I just... I didn't mean it literally. What if he falls out of love eventually? What if he asks me to leave again?" God, she really hates how insecure she feels. She hates him so much.

"Then you kill him. I'll help you hide the body." Vivi says dryly. Jude looks up at her and she has a teasing look in her eyes. They chuckle together and then they fall silent, both with a lot to think about.

"Thanks, for everything."

"Anytime, sis." Viv leaves her be and Jude falls back into bed, the letter still clenched in her hand. A plan, an insane and crazy plan forming in her mind.

_______________________________________________

It's been three months, almost four, and Jude isn't there. He hates it but he's losing hope.

At this point he doesn't even know if she's alive, knowing his sweet villain, she could be bleeding out in some dark and empty alley for all he knows. And if she is alive, would she be thinking about him? Does he ever cross her mind? Or is he just some fading memory at the back of her mind?

Has she received the letters? Has she burned them? Has she even read them? Does she know how the High King of Elfhame was slowly losing his mind, longing for his High Queen to return home?

"Come home and shout at me. Come home and fight with me. Come home and break my heart, if you must. Just come home." That's what he wrote, but maybe she doesn't care. Maybe she doesn't want to come home.

Perhaps, Elfhame is not home for her. He is not home.

Why did he even let himself think that she would love him after all he's done to her? She had known him as the monster he is, as the pathetic cruel prince who was incapable of real love. A few kisses shouldn't mean anything.

He should've known that Jude Duarte was never meant to be his. He should've known that someone like her would never want a heart like his.

It's still hers anyway. Jude Duarte has his heart locked up in some box, and even now he doesn't mind. She can keep it he thinks Because she's the only one he can ever imagine giving it to.

He sighs. He's locked up in his room again, drunker than he cares to admit, his hands are shaking and his writing another letter that probably will go unanswered, just like the rest, but he doesn't care.

This time, he can only write her name. Like that time he did so long ago that it was barely a memory when he couldn't stop thinking about her.

Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude Jude.

Please Jude.

It was a mess, some of the ink has splattered across the paper, and the words seemed almost forced into the paper; angry, and desperate, and almost jagged. Cardan could feel the plea in every inch of the letter, could feel his own desire and longing.

He doesn't even know what time it is. The palace is silent, everyone knowing better than to disturb the King when he was in such a state of anger, feustration and sadness. Elfhame was frozen in place, cold and almost lifeless, waiting for their Queen to return.

He sighs again, pushing away from hia desk and making a move towards hia bed but before he can notice or process anything, he's being pushed down to his chair again, tights coming and locking him in place and a blade against his neck.

For a moment he thinks he's delusional, he must be, because Jude is in his lap with a blade against his neck and a fierce look in her eyes, just like she remembered her. This felt like every dream he had since she left, so this probably wasn't real. An hallucination.

"You know, for being the High Kinf of Elfhame, your security sucks. I could be someone send to kill you and no one would even notice." Her lips are pursed in a think line and she's frowning lightly. She looks wickedly glorious and Cardan can't stop grinning.

"Well, are you here to kill me?" He asks and when he swallows, the blade digs even more on his skin, amd he can feel a little bit of blood roll down his neck.

He can't even be bothered by that. She's here. Jude ia home, she came back. The roundness of her ears, the softness of her lips, the fire in her eyes, everything he missed is now in front of him and if she's here to end him... then what a heavenly way to die.

"My sweet villain." He whispers hoarsely, like a prayer.

_______________________________________________

Jude can't think clearly when Cardan is looking at her so intensely, so openly. And he's not doing anything. She has a blade against his neck, a fine line of blood already falling down his skin, but he's not callimg the guards or fighting her.

She frowns again, tilting her head slightly and applying more pressure with her knife.

"Everything you say, everything you promise, it's all a trick." She states. "The letters you sent-"

"Did you read them?" He asks and there's this vulnerable tone in his voice. He's looking at her so earnestly and hopeful that Jude is having a hard time breathing. "Everything I put on that letters, is the truth. That's not a trick, I can assure you, my darling wife."

"Fuck, I hate you so much." She mutters and then she's kissing him. It's hard and demanding and unrelenting. It's desperate and a little bit painful, her tongue fighting for the control he took away from her and winning. He moans against her mouth and she grins, biting his bottom lip a little to hard. "I hate you." She whispers again, just because she really does. She hates him and she loves him and she doesn't want to ever let go.

"You can hate me all you want as long you remain here with me. Please, don't leave me again. Don't go, Jude. I don't think I could survive that again." He stated softly, his voice wavering slightly.

Jude feels her eyes grow misty, her breath catching in her throat as she stares in surprise at Cardan.

"I'm still so mad at you..." She feels tears on her cheeks as she pressed his forehead to his temple, nodding dumbly as one of his shaking hands went to cover hers. The blade falls from her other hand and a second after, they're both kissing again. "And I hate you because you made me love you and now I can't stop." The kiss was bruising but none of them cared.

"Good." He grinned against her lips. "I love you, too."

Jude leans in, stealing another kiss, this one longer, slow and gentle. When they finally part, she presses her forehead against his, breathing in the relief and love surrounding them that she was missing when she was in the mortal world.

“I love you too.” He whispers. “More than I can ever tell you, my wife.”

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