little-butterfly-writes

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♥︎ I recently played his route again

And jumin's answers are very funny

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An anniversary, of sorts…

So many stories these days start out, “well, it was a pandemic and…” but, yeah, it was the pandemic and….

Anyway recently, I was poking through some of the files on my phone when I realized that two years ago this month (after three months of quarantine/WFH), I was playing a puzzle game on my phone, clicked on a free advert, which turned out to be for Ikemen Sengoku. I normally just click through these things… I’d tried to play a couple other romance/story apps before, and none of them had held my interest. This one looked more intriguing, and I thought, “what the hell… if it sucks, I can always delete it.”

Two years, many new friendships, and about 300,000 words of fanfic later… (I didn’t delete).

So, here’s to some of my favorite Ikesen men:

Takeda Shingen… that smart, strategic, sneaky, flirty, emotionally intelligent hunk. Come for the beefcake, stay for the brains. I’m a sucker for a they-rescue-each-other trope, and at the core, that what his story is. The adult amongst all the Kasugayama crazies, the one who knows how to solve everyone else’s problems, but ignores his own until it’s too late. Thank you, Shingen, for being the best muse I’ve ever had. Or, well the best muse since Luke Skywalker (but that’s another story). Maybe I just like a man who can swing a big sword?

Ishida Mitsunari … ok, if there’s a theme here, it’s the attraction to smart guys, although Mitsunari’s tactical and book smarts have a negative correlation when it comes to EQ. But how can I resist a sweet guy who does everything in his power to figure out how to make MC happy… and who, once he accesses his emotions, catches up fast. Mitsunari always thinks positively of everyone – he’s just a ray of sunshine. Once I got to know him, he turned out to be almost as great of a muse as Shingen. So, thank you, Mitsunari for the sweetness, the support, and for trusting MC with your feelings.

Sarutobi Sasuke… who doesn’t love a genius physicist/moderately awesome Ninja… who is still trying to figure out what to do with his emotions. But those catch up to him eventually, and they do they’re dialed up to 11. As a modern man in ninja clothing, Sasuke, more than any other warlord, understands the concept of consent, respect, and agency, and has an MC who can go quip for quip with him on the cultural riffs. Thank you, Sasuke, for the fun, and the laughs, and oh yeah… that scene in the woods.

I cannot forget my “gateway drug,” the whole reason the game stayed on my phone after I downloaded it. He presents as a prototypical wild boy, until you get to know that sensitive side underneath. His route was a wild ride, but what kept the game on my phone, was the slow reveal of what was underneath, and his protectiveness, not just of MC’s body, but of her soul. Even as he was helping her grow and discover her courage, he never let her lose her core. Thank you Masamune, for the bravery, for the understanding, for being that guy who will give me a push on the swing set, stand back as I learn to fly, but stay close enough to catch me if I fall.

And this one...…. I sense that underneath that slightly-above-it exterior is a lot of pain and a potential for self-sacrifice greater than Shingen’s. Wherefor thou route? You’re going to break my heart aren’t you? Yoshimoto, thank you for loving art and history, and a worried thanks in advance for what I expect is going to be another cathartic crying session.

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Still cannot move on from 7th anniv. Jaehee so I had to draw one :) She can become my queen <3

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I have no caption for this. i just love saeran

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Technically true.

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-Mint Eye Zen-

…well, dear Anon, now I have. If Zen was part of the Mint Eye, he would be an exxtra hot promiscuous jalapeno topping. :D

~more Mystic Messenger fanarts~

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idk this is like your daily reminder that friendships are still relationships that can be abusive and we should really be doing more to normalize that so that people don't get stuck being isolated and manipulated by people who pretend to care about them but don't face scrutiny because the nature of the abuse isn't romantic.

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Mall day for the twins~

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Senior Zen: "let's go home together."

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Inspired by this twitter post

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Every so often, I can't help but think about all the dirty jobs Saeyoung had to do during his time as an agent. I'm not talking about the usual digital crime stuff he feels comfortable enough to mention openly. I'm talking of those missions he'd rather just shut up and never speak a word about. What about all the missions that went wrong for him, back when he was still young and inexperienced?

The fact that he has blood on his hands is apparent to us. But, do you ever think about whether or not he was forced to kill an innocent? Be it by some cruel accident or by direct order from the higher ups he had no choice but to obey? Have you ever thought of him having to make a quick elimination on yet another corrupt member of society, only to realize that his family, who has nothing to do with this, had seen him?

Have you ever thought about him doing everything he can to fix this: coming up with shaky lies on the spot, attempting to fabricate evidence, eventually resorting to pitiful begging that goes nowhere. But there should not be any witnesses. It's too late to turn back now. He got sloppy. His DNA is already on the scene of the crime. If he refuses, he not only puts his own safety at risk, but these people will get eliminated regardless. The least he can do is make it quick and painless. Have you ever thought of him still having to come back to his sad parody of a home and pretend like everything is fine? Like this was just another Tuesday, and not one of the most sickening things he had to do and witness?

Have you imagined him sitting down, staring at his bloodied hands with a blank and glassy look to his eyes, his weapon still in his grasp, and his ears ringing from every shot he has fired? Have you ever thought of him feeling so utterly disgusted and ashamed of himself that it almost seems like the silver cross on his neck that has always brought him a sense of security, is burning through his clothes and straight into his flesh? He won't take it off, no matter how heavy it feels. He wears it as a constant reminder of the sins these hands have committed. He knows that God has seen it all. He knows that, much like Lucifer, he will never be allowed to step foot over the Heaven's Gates. His soul is too sullied. Too dirty. Too sinful.

I feel like these are the days when he goes complete MIA. He tells everyone in the RFA later that he just slept through these few days.

He maintains contact with V, just in case. But, really, he spends these few days just... in a daze. Luciel has no remorse for selling his entire life away to guarantee his brother's happiness. He does not regret sullying his hands in the darkest sins this world had to offer, if only it means that Saeran's hands will get to do all the good things he has always dreamed about. He does not regret forsaking his own childhood, because he never thought of himself as a child in the first place.

But, in these moments... as the events of what he has done continue to unfold in his head over and over again, like he never even left, he feels it. Regret. Guilt. Disgust.

Luciel harbors a deep hatred towards his parents. He hates his joke of a mother, who has brought nothing but endless torment on her own children for ruining the life she foolishly destroyed all by herself, something he despises with all his heart. He hates his father for forcing them to live in constant fear and paranoia, just for the unforgivable crime of being born into this world. He hates every bystander who has done nothing to correct such an unfair act of pure cruelty unfolding right in front of their eyes.

But, as his vacant gaze keep drifting back to the equipment he has stashed away in one of his many drawers, a grim thought claws at his insides, tearing him apart piece by piece like a vicious parasite feeding on his flesh: is he... really that different from them?

Vanderwood ends up being the one find him, slouched in his seat, his hands still caked and crusty with blood. They just sigh, already knowing what happened. It's something they all had to go through. They just sit next to him, letting the younger agent know he's not alone. And, once Luciel's shoulders start to shake with choked, painful sobs, they don't say a word. They just let him break down into their arms.

It's one of the rarer moments of tenderness between the two.

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I normally don’t talk about my personal life but this I wanted to share because it’s special to me.

I’m lucky enough to still have a grandparent who is alive and to have met 3 of my great grandparents as well.

My grandpa came to visit today, and we were talking and he said to me, every time he sees me, he sees more and more of my Gran (great grandmother on my mother’s side) and my grandma (my mother’s mom and my grandpa’s former wife who passed in 99) in me and that makes him happy because they were both fiery women who didn’t back down.

But here is the thing. I didn’t get to where I am alone, I’ve been pushed, supported, coaxed, reminded it’s okay and a whole bunch of other things by my good friends both on and offline.

I’ve been told I am the one who did the heavy lifting and sure I have, but I had the support to do the heavy lifting.

And there is no greater compliment to me than my grandpa who loved my grandma so much and is still grieving her loss 24 years later, to tell me he sees her in me, and sees her mother in me.

I don’t have many memories left of my Gran and grandma but the ones I do have, are beyond precious to me. So I hope I can do these two amazing women I had the honour of spending time with and loving with my whole heart as family justice.

#so sweet #im not crying

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I normally don’t talk about my personal life but this I wanted to share because it’s special to me.

I’m lucky enough to still have a grandparent who is alive and to have met 3 of my great grandparents as well.

My grandpa came to visit today, and we were talking and he said to me, every time he sees me, he sees more and more of my Gran (great grandmother on my mother’s side) and my grandma (my mother’s mom and my grandpa’s former wife who passed in 99) in me and that makes him happy because they were both fiery women who didn’t back down.

But here is the thing. I didn’t get to where I am alone, I’ve been pushed, supported, coaxed, reminded it’s okay and a whole bunch of other things by my good friends both on and offline.

I’ve been told I am the one who did the heavy lifting and sure I have, but I had the support to do the heavy lifting.

And there is no greater compliment to me than my grandpa who loved my grandma so much and is still grieving her loss 24 years later, to tell me he sees her in me, and sees her mother in me.

I don’t have many memories left of my Gran and grandma but the ones I do have, are beyond precious to me. So I hope I can do these two amazing women I had the honour of spending time with and loving with my whole heart as family justice.

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"Happy Birthday.

No more, you're not alone."

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Skater Jaehee 🛹☕️

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they bicker