livingwiththeshortstraw

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Alright I really honestly think I’ve broke! I’m always awake, never sleep, barely eat, and mi am doing most of those ocd ticks when I get super frantic then when I have made them worse everyone yells and is angry.... and they already had said before if I was going to “act like that” I rather go do this or that..I’m ALWAYS SO FREAKING STEESSED TO THE MAX?1I’ve started to seriously think this how I’m going. To die, my brain I physically hurt too I’m MEVER getting better plain and simple , god my arm hurts no not just because my collarbone got broken but onee we of the nervous things are scratching really hard at my head I bleed a. Little bit too and it’s everywhere on my head s o is hurts bad and well in m also coming to the realization ps every thing and it’s almost like a mental break and the realizing hey you’re 31! And geezzzz. If I go into all that I really won’t make it ?!!!!im literally flopping in my bed like a fish it’s that bad so word of a feeling it’s like I findally accepted I was going to be this and it’s bad every ducking day!!!!aand no one ever has any idea till my emoanal kid pops agjghhhh

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Okay yeah I totally need to like do something before I loose it ... I’ll just quickly clean out my nightstand or something ... just breathe

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Honestly this is all getting harder... like I have how so I say it... nope I don’t know how or whatever. I just feel anger and hopelessness! Like way more than I’ve ever had happen the tables have turned on me and I come up short literally ALL the time now , you know how people say when will I catch a break , well I’ve been asking myself every day for a little while now, it’s strange I don’t like it at all and I’ve been wanting to post all day about how I feel but everytime I go to it , I just stop and instantly think of everything wrong and just bail on posting , just know , just know.... yeah it’s like that , I care I know I do, but right now I couldn’t give a fuck , if the universe doesn’t want to do for me why even try right? I mean I’m a speck compared to the universe I don’t matter

#[email protected] #venting #mental health #feelings

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Well okay.... really really really DISLIKING my own personal life yet again!!! I’m ugh come on give me a freaking break!!!! Like what am I supposed to do with all this just negative mist Surrounding me?! It’s like get the F*#% away!!! Why have I so suddenly become a magnet for misfortune? Literally I’ve noticed it. Things have changed... why? I already have it bad enough!!! Like I always say , with all I have to deal with already god hands me this? Because they say god doesn’t give you more than you can handle... ok well what the heck does he think I’m made out of? Like freaking seriously!!!??? I can’t take this back to back complete flip of atmosphere I’m used to... it’s like I have a whole new bubble I moved into ... and now this is how I have to live... lord why???

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Omg i must be cursed because everything has just turned around and just no break I think 2020 was my year

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

I feel like I’m going nutty, or the more medical-ish “frantic” ... I’ll be left with some good time to myself yet it goes to waste because yesssss no money... like i don’t know what to do with myself honestly. It doesn’t feel nice just knowing your wasting your day laying around doing absolutely nothing and can’t do anything all because of some paper that people who possess it are titles above someone like me , yeah I get it no one can just keep feeding me money, but I do get money in and I do pay people back ... but I’m just so scared to ever ask for more every single time ughh I’m really having trouble right now!

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Plain and simple... Mental Illnesses reallyyyy bite., especially when Money is super hard to come by and you can hardly hold down any sort of job! Just plain and simple , I’d like money I’m a 31 year old woman... I should have money... yeah I will confess I sometimes don’t spend my money well/right (some would say) when I do have it but what know one understands or sees is what I use the money on... IT DOES NOT MATTER. The fact is , this is what I want to do with it , this is a hobby, and others would say otherwise (you know who you are) but it’s actually what it is and no one should have a say or any kind of judgment towards my personal likes/dislikes, that’s what I enjoy doing . I’m sorry if You all don’t see it how I do. But you don’t have to , just know in these tough times this is ONE thing I enjoy in life.

#[email protected]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Poem #1: (my personal favorite) this one is KICK ASS! I wrote this: 06/05/2017 it’s titled...

We Are Bipolar by: Lauren Miller

You make us hide in the shadows, our mental status this lows. You don’t except us, our feelings you never care about, you won’t discuss. You type us as people to stray from, scum...dumb, it’s always a bad outcome. We are here, you’re thoughts we will not endear. We all have the right to be treated the same, we’re not here for you to blame. Shame.... This is not a game, this is who we became. I am proud to be who I am, I don’t need a “re-program”. We go through mood swings, the mind controlling things. Moods that include, having an attitude. Such sadness, we control it even when it complete madness. We live our hard lives even though it’s not fair, I’m aware, I see you’re stare. There isn’t a cure, never will be. Don’t you understand, don’t you see? What?! You don’t agree? Well you’re damaged al the same, that’s right with you I proclaim. You hide you’re judgement and act as if normal and tame. Open you’re eyes, we’re staying, with you’re horrible thoughts weighing. Once again the price WERE paying. Enough is enough, we are tough! We try everyday, unlike you, the walking, talking clique. Sure we can break, ache, and quake. Sad thing is you stand there and watch, that’s you’re first mistake. Don’t be scared, if you don’t understand, take a leap and hold out you’re hand. Give us the chance, don’t turn away and ignore our glance. Treat us as a friend, but most of all don’t pretend. We are permanent, there’s no argument! We are proud, we will no longer be any different from the crowd! No more hiding, there will be no more dividing! You won’t get us down, we’re here to share the play ground! WE ARE STRONGER, THE HIGH-ROLLER, WE ARE FUCKING BIPOLAR!!! 

#[email protected] #advice #psychology #life #mentalheathawareness #therapy #mental illness poetry #my poems #mentel health #mental illness help

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Blahhh ... I have a request for some of my inspirational poems I’ve wrote on mental health , yes it was my own mom haha but... I’ve got all ranges of my poems ... from super duper kick ass I’m in control of my life mode down to ohhh poor whittle née dark dark beware of getting depressed from reading. You should be able to tell by my titles I’ll start posting them...

#advice #psychology #mentalheathawareness #therapy #life #my poems #mental illness poetry #[email protected]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

OMG not even half the shit the absolute bullshit that happens to me wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t so freaked out about what other people thought of what i do sometimes, in fact ALL of this could have been prevented if everyone I know that could help me wouldn’t fucking judge me!!! Now look what’s happened in a frenzy and not much resources I’ve gone and fucked myself over not once but multiple times trying to just figure out any way I could do it myself without haveing to say anything to all the judgmental people that could have just helped and spared me this end result!

Thank you and fml!!!

#[email protected]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

What a crappy morning, I’m dreading unlocking my bedroom door and going downstairs and seeing anyone, the questions they may ask, my dull mood being completely noticed, too much chaos ... wait a sec, someone is ughhhhh my car has been taken! Just heard the garage door... anyway, I don’t know what I’m to do... how about this... I’ll go downstairs and just continue to type on my phone and see if I can avoid at all costs... here we go, I already don’t like this... I’m not like in a happy mood obviously, I always feel like locking every door.....oh my gosh... it’s unavoidable running into someone in this big house but I’m outside and 3 of the 4 people including me are out here. Ugh can’t catch a break. Anyway I’ve been worried about the status of the either approval or denial of my medication help program thing then if I can get it again ( it’s expensive) then I have to wait for them to be mailed thennn start thennnnn wait for them to have the initial effect... thennn the settling effect... then check up with the doc here and there in between all of this and finally if I’m good (well good enough or as I can be) I’ll be able to get people off my back... though honestly if I’m actually doing good would I still want to lock myself away and hide still? Hmm good question. It’s almost if I’m doing all this for everyone else, though I do want to be better of course, well right now we will just say I’m in limbo because obviously I don’t have the medication working inside me and well people with all my problems yeahhhh we kinda “have” to be on medication apparently for my whole life...disappointing. Ok this post is long I’ll continue on in another

#[email protected]

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Sorry I’ve been M.I.A I’m just feeling very low and stupid

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

SHOUT TO MY BIG FAKE ASS FAMILY!

The only reason they do try is on the future they can say they did. That’s it. So they don’t feel their at fault.... selfish much...

[livingwiththeshortstraw]

Sure make me feel even worse on top of everything I struggle with! I understand what your feelings and side is on it but not me I’m confused about it because of the past there is a lot of mixed feelings and fears to it. Yes I love my daughter no more than anything , but I don’t see the point in being present for Easter... I have fears of ruining it, getting majorly upset , and honestly yeah it sounds bad but I don’t see the point... like why is everyone making it such a huge deal? It’s waking up early to go outside and hide shit then sit there and watch as she try’s to find them , it takes forever. It’s boring. It doesn’t interest me , it has nothing to do with the way I feel about her! Ugh no one understands me and never will ! But okay let’s just make me feel even worse because of you’re own personal views ya that’s totally cool ... Not! I’m not going by to apologize for a another day being what it is ... just another day but add candy... whoooo ....It seems everyone is given up on me and helping me to get better, ;( which should have happened by now) and moved on, I gave them their second chance of joy in life and just focus on keeping her perfect. And not to turn into me! Oh this one has a chance she higher priority! Well is am I high priority too I mean only certain people are first in line for medical treatment and guess what? The older people are actually higher priority. So which is true? Which has comes first truly? I think it’s just people’s added up personal opinions. But you ante NOT. Going to sit there and hurt my feelings more for how I personally feel about something ,,,, and the kicker is I don’t even want to fee that way it’s just out of my control because of the depression! Whatever you heard it a million times... ignore me, but you know what I’ve noticed and yes has also increased my depression is I can hear what goes on downstairs when I’m locked in my room miserable, it sounds happy .. and normal and it all seems to flow great and perfect.... without me. So why? Why but h at me , make me feel more horrible about the situation when your better with out me .... cuz actions speak louder than words and when I’m gone it doesn’t seem you all have any troubles. So there’s the answer. Subtract Lauren I’m not stupid though I bet you think I am. I know you all deep down have multiple times wanted and still do want to give up, and I see you all slowly doing it . It’s slow but to me that kind of change is a giant red flag. You don’t want to deal with me anymore! You don’t want to care. Just fucking be honest I have made you all miserable with my misery for too long . So you swap your attention to the one that has a change. I will very soon be forgotten and abandoned emotionally and all because of something I cannot control , didn’t ask for , yeah well I would say imagine how that feels times a thousand but all you think is its just a pity party. Well it isn’t! If I’ve heard on this long me being the one linking it all... then you mother fuckers have no excuse! And so mom how’s that for being present when it truly matters?!?! Because your not here now when it does! Hypocrite! I keep failing and it could be because I’ve lost my support system... and don’t even try to lie to fool me other wise.bet you can’t wait till all these mental issues end up effecting me physically and something bad happens. And that, that’s on you! Not me , you are the ones who have jus thrown up your arms and in the end are angry with me? WITH ME!!!! My really bad days when I need someone the most, I can’t find or talk to any of you, you know when to tuck and roll... to escape me , I hear what you say when you think I can’t , I know how you feel , so what’s holding you back? Just straight up tell me you are done with me and my issues are my own instead of waste my time trusting to get ahold of any of you for help! Talk about really drawing the short straw! Whatever. 🖕