lost-in-the-starry-sky

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

two years ago, panic attacks were insufferable.

but tonight i realized just how much life has changed. you dont care that its past midnight. you call me to talk me through it.

you stay.

you stay.

you stay.

by 1 a.m., we are having the time of our lives just goofing around. we laugh about the dumbest things and daydream about the pretty things.

you stay.

you stay.

you stay.

now its 2 a.m. and we're getting deep. we're talkinng about our parallel selves and what we hope for them. we talk about what we want for our futures and it leads us to 3

you stay.

you stay.

you stay.

by 3 a.m. we are talking about our future together. i say i want to say the vows from corpse bride and you've never seen the movie. we talk about what pets we want and i find the irony of my spider fearing love wanting a pet tarantula. we talk about my mother's wedding dress and how i will probably wear it at mine. and you say i can give it to our kid but is our kid gonna fit into a 5'4 dress when you're so much taller?

you stay.

you stay.

you stay.

conversation dies down by 4. we are both drifting away into our sleep. i cuddle into my blankets and whisper i love you and you say i love you too. and

you stay.

you stay.

you stay.

#my journal #spoken word #relationships #love of my life #10/16/2020

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

okay but... level of concern... beautiful. a masterpiece. da bois have done it again. the video? precious. the song? a bop. hotel? trivago.

#my journal #4/9/2020 #level of concern #twenty one pilots #josh dun #tyler joseph #||-//

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

you are my ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. i will love you always. until the sun explodes and life ceases i will love you. and then even more after that.

#my journal #12/8/19

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

time

it's time to wake up

face the world once again

see what opportunities come my way

it's time to go to school

to study and enhance my knowledge

to see the few and proud ones in my life

to see his amazing face in the midst of the crowd

it's time to take a chunk of my day

and devote it to bettering myself

to see myself in the way i should have long before

to reflect on my day and decide what to do next

it's time to give myself credit

for how far i've come in finding myself

for the progress i've made with myself

for selecting the best people to accompany me

it's time to train

to not only focus on mental and emotional health

but also my physical health

to further myself in my art and my sport

it's time to shower

to cleanse my body of daily dirt

to cleanse my soul of daily struggles

to cleanse myself of the daily stresses

it's time to sleep

to unwind and relax

to say, "i have made it through today"

to dream of you and your amazing ways

and then i will do it again.

#my poetry #note to self

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

telling you i like you and you reply with "i like you too." being in the talking stage of our relationship for two months. on the twelfth i asked "i've been thinking it'd be amazing to see you and think, hey, that's my boyfriend. could i start doing that?" and you said "of course." being able to call you mine. being able to talk about you and refer to you as "my boy" instead of "the guy i'm talking to." the twelfth will always be our day. i remember your smile when we made it official. i want to see that smile everyday.

- the things i like about you (pt. 3)

#my gushing #part 3 #3/12/19

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

"i am real. my identity is real. i am amazing. i am beautiful. i am smart. they can talk shit all they want. i am a beautiful, strong beast."

- my morning mantra in the mirror

#note to self #accept yourself #asexual #demiromantic

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

you

i think about you a lot now

i try to sleep

i try to focus

i try to study

but all i can think of is you

your smile, your laugh

your hair, your eyes

staying up late as we talk for hours

wondering what’d it be like

if i could call you mine

listening to billie eilish

and thinking of your ocean eyes

texting my friends

and writing on tumblr about you

god i hope you don’t have a tumblr

i hope you haven’t stumbled on this

i hope you haven’t read this

because i write about the things

i’m not ready to say out loud

and here’s when i think

man, i’m falling way too hard for you

#my poetry #my gushing

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

staying up til 3 a.m. during our first facetime call. you fell asleep and my friend (whom i was spending the night with) had to scream into the mic to get you to wake up. watching as the hours pass and we’re mindlessly talking about the things we love. hearing your laugh. it makes me smile, so you ask what i’m smiling about and of course i can’t say i’m smiling because you’re laugh is adorable so i just say nothing. grinning like an idiot as i try to sleep, but as i close my eyes, all i can see is your face.

— the things i like about you (pt. 2)

#my gushing #part 2

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

the late night conversations. when you tell me you would like to see my art, even though i told you it’ll be awful. when we talk about the stars and the planets and the vastness of the universe. when you say you hate seeing me tear myself apart. when we stay up until midnight and talk about out fascination with life in itself and the universe. when we got way too hyped about christmas at 11:43 p.m.

— the things i like about you (pt. 1)

#my gushing #part 1

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

ours

waiting for a reply

all i can do is sit and sigh

look to the screen to notify

me that you have gotten by

and lived past the night sky

but what should i say

when you answer me today

will you look at me the same way

if i told you what i did yesterday

that the cut on my leg will never go away

maybe i won't tell you

i don't want you to

worry about me the way i do

about you while i listen to blink-182

then finally my phone shows a soft light

your message is now in my sight

but i won't read it until i’m alright

or else my reply won't be polite

i'm sorry for last night

look up at the stars

then down at the cars

now look at your own scars

just think about Mars

and about how this world could be ours

#my poetry #tw: self harm

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

“i like to believe everyone’s been rescued from the wrong path just once, even if they didn’t realize it...”

#my poetry #random thoughts

[lost-in-the-starry-sky]

i refuse

i refuse

to conform to society’s expectations

of being normal

of being beautiful

i refuse

to do what pleases others

by being someone i’m not

by wearing things i don’t want to

i refuse

to say that i am what you call

normal

or exceptional

i refuse

to back down

to cower in fear

to let myself be abused any longer

i refuse

To let their words hurt me

or his words

or her words

i refuse

to lay low

to be silent

to not be heard

i refuse

to not be open

about who i truly am

about my identity

i refuse to tell just anyone

who i truly am

or how i identify

i haven’t told anyone

because i refuse to let myself

become hurt by people

i refuse

to do many things

to say many things

to act many ways

i refuse

to let myself lose myself

to let myself think they’re right

because they’re not right

i refuse

to look you in the eyes

And say that i am

going to be who you want me to be

i refuse

to be anyone other

than who i

want to be

because this world is a terrible place

i need someone there with me

when i will stand in front of people

and tell them that

i refuse

#my poetry #rebellion #gen z