made-ofmemories

[made-ofmemories]

pretty open ended question, don't you think?

#buddie #911

[made-ofmemories]

for a moment i knew cosmic love (i might just not get up)

#911 #buddie

[made-ofmemories]

Eddie's sitting closer to Buck than he's allowed himself since Buck came out - since Buck started dating Tommy. But Buck isn't dating Tommy anymore and Eddie came out to Buck fifteen minutes ago and now they're having conversation so intense that Eddie thinks he might need to go to an emergency therapy session after they're done. So Eddie's sitting closer to Buck than he's allowed himself to in over a month, but it feels too close and not close enough at the same time.

"What am I supposed to say Buck? That I lied when you asked me what I remembered about getting shot? That if I told you what I remembered you'd never be able to look at me the same way?"

"Eddie -" Buck starts, but Eddie cuts him off before he can say more.

"You want to know what I remember about that day? I got shot in the middle of the street on a sunny fucking morning in L.A. and as I was laying on the ground bleeding out I reached for you. I thought I was dying and all I wanted was to touch you one last time. Do you want me to tell you that I was bleeding out and all I could think was that I never told you how much I love you? Because it's true, it's true."

"W-why didn't you tell me after?" Buck sounds as broken as Eddie feels.

"I thought I did," Eddie says and he reaches over the empty space between them but doesn't close the gap. It's only a foot, maybe less, but it feels as wide of a gap as it had felt like while he was bleeding onto the pavement. "I gave you my son Buck. I gave you my heart."

The "oh" that leaves Buck's mouth sounds like a revelation and an accusation all at once. It sounds like 'you didn't tell me' and 'I didn't realize' and 'I wish I'd known sooner'.

But then Buck does close the gap between their hands, just like he had all those years ago while Eddie had lay dying on the street, saved by the same hands that cover Eddie's now. His blood forced to stay in his body with the same fingers that slot through Eddie's now.

Eddie lets out a breath he hadn't realize he was holding and his next inhale feels better than his first breath after leaving that well. It feels like breathing for the first time.

"I'm still in love with you," Eddie tells him, because it's the only thing unsaid between them. It's the only thing left to say.

"Yeah?" Buck's eyes are wet and Eddie realizes his are too.

"Yeah."

"Me too - I-I love you too. I think I have for a really long time actually. I just didn't - didn't realize what that feeling was."

#buddie #911

[made-ofmemories]

#buddie #911

[made-ofmemories]

ever since 911 moved to abc i feel like i've been having a nonstop cardiac event

[made-ofmemories]

no but i can't stop about eddie finding queering the map and being overwhelmed by the amount of stories that resonate with him.

it starts with buck, because of course it does.

buck comes into the station one day, rambling about this site he found online. he's still figuring out bisexuality for himself and has been going down a rabbit hole ever since, reading endless articles and reddit stories and experiences told from so many people.

and something about it, about this particular site, catches eddie's attention. he really can't stop thinking about it, wondering if people from el paso would have any of those pins. if anyone from the place he grew up in, was raised in, ever felt like him.

he can't stop wondering if maybe he was never as alone as he thought he was.

when he gets home, he decides to look for himself— it takes him a while. there's too many black pins and he doesn't quite know how to navigate the huge map on his screen. it takes him a few minutes to get the hang of it.

but when he does— oh, when he does.

right there in el paso, people from the same streets he once rode his bike in, are sharing his experiences. fellow soldiers in the same base eddie trained at.

eddie reads these sacred, secret little messages and feels his heart expand more and more with every each one of them.

some of them makes him laugh and chuckle, teary eyed but amused, like "even the army has gays," and "from one gay cowboy to another."

others, nake him falter. make his bretah hitch inside his chest. make something beautiful and fragile and orecious uncurl from the deepest depths of his soul. make him feel seen in a way he isn't sure he's quite ready to.

messages like— "you're not the only one," and "you'll be okay." "the heaven the people from this town speak of, is not a heaven i wanna be sent to." "i should've told him when i had the chance." "stuck in a warzone, thinking about how i wasted so much time and now i might not make it home to him."

messages that hit a little too close to home. from soldiers still in the closet, struggling to accept themselves and living a lie.

messages from dumb teenagers, scared of the future— just like eddie had been once.

messages from people braver than he ever could be, sharing the stories of how they came out to their families and moved across the country to be able to live their truest selves.

eddie spends hours and hours just reading post after post, goingbthrough as many lins as he can and drinking them in as a dying, thirsting man in the middle of the driest desert. he reads until the light from the comouter makes his head hurt and his eyes burn everytime he blinks.

at the end, before closing the tab, he decides to put on his own note.

📍not sure if I'll ever be ready to say it out loud, but I love him. i'm too late. I've lost my chance. this changes nothing, my heart is still in his hands.

he clicks on add and feels the tiniest amount of weight lifting from his shoulders.

#eddie diaz #911

[made-ofmemories]

back on my shooting bullshit

#911 #buddie

[made-ofmemories]

#911 #buddie

[made-ofmemories]

if this were to be my last breath my very last chance to have everything I’d ever want it would all fit into this moment this breath into the palm of your hand against mine

happy only-4-more-weeks-until-911-returns day and also happy it’s-been-462-days-since-the-shooting-first-aired-and-I’m-not-even-the-tiniest-bit-over-it day ♥️♥️♥️ [ID in alt text]

#buddie #911 #eddie diaz

[made-ofmemories]

saw a poll about dry/humid heat and like OBVIOUSLY everyone preferred dry heat but. would love to know what everyone considers to be “too hot”

me personally it’s a hard cutoff at 75°F. don’t need anything more than that thank you 🫶🫶🫶

#Ideally? somewhere around like 15-17c is nice #I can tolerate higher but I won't be happy about it

[made-ofmemories]

goodnight everyone (:

do your daily click

spreadsheet of families in Gaza you can help today

donate to:

Buy an e-sim

Help diabetics in Gaza

The PCRF

Anera

UNRWA

Taawon

Help Gaza Children

Sudan Tarada Initiative

Help a Sudanese family escape conflict

Darfur Women Action

Ramadan for Sudan

Period products in Sudan

Sudan Emergency Appeal

[made-ofmemories]

song: Guilty as Sin? by Taylor Swift

#911 #buddie #this song was written for them I swear 😭❤️

[made-ofmemories]

#evan buckley but it's just him progressively getting more unhinged over eddie

#buddie #evan buckley #911

[made-ofmemories]

literally just typed this on my phone without my glasses, but here is a quick bucktommy thing featuring Tommy's cat and Buck's curls

...

They're lazing on the coach on a day they both have off when Tommy notices it.

The TV is on, some HGTV show that Buck likes to watch because he actually has an appreciation for design that Tommy can't relate to, but doesn't mind watching if it's what Buck likes to watch. He's not paying attention to it, instead he's paying attention to Buck as he rants on about an article he read about deep sea diving, and how Buck's whole person seems to grow with passion as he gets deeper into the topic.

Buck's head is rested on Tommy's lap, his body stretched out on the rest of the couch with his feet hanging off the side because the couch is too small for two men their size to fully spread out. He doesn't complain though, and Tommy feels warmed by how domestic everything feels.

It's nice having Buck in his space.

Kira is on the back of the couch in her usual spot, sleeping softly. She purrs on occasion when Buck will randomly reach out and pet her and Tommy likes how easy Buck has slotted himself into Tommy's life. It helps that Buck spoils Tommy's cat as much as he does.

As Buck is scratching behind Kira's fluffy ears, Tommy is doing the same with Buck. His fingers card through Buck's hair, occasionally applying pressure to massage his scalp. Buck has mentioned before how much he likes it, and Tommy had teased that he was just like Kira and Buck didn't deny it. He was tactile and enjoyed the simple intimacy, and Tommy really couldn't deny Buck that. Especially when Buck would look up at him with a dopey smile.

His fingers catch slightly and Tommy looks down and realizes that a lock of Buck's hair is curling around one of Tommy's fingers.

Buck stops his speech about megamouth sharks and squints up at Tommy, trying to figure out why his boyfriend had stopped petting through his hair.

"My hairstylist is taking two months off," Buck bemoans, correctly guessing why Tommy had stopped. "I dont really trust anyone else to cut my hair so you're going to be dealing with a shaggy boyfriend till she gets back."

"I like curls," Tommy blurts out afterwards. He flushes slightly, his fingers still in Buck's hair. All he can think about is what Buck's hair might look like a few weeks from now, how his hair will look curled around his strong features.

Tommy thinks about how good the soft strands will feel when he runs his fingers through it-

How good it might feel to grip-

"You don't seem sympathetic to my hair woes." Buck teases with a soft laugh, taking Tommy away from his thoughts about Buck and his hair. It's then that Timmy realizes his grip had tightened on Buck's hair ever so slightly.

"Maybe it's not the worst thing," Tommy starts carefully, as he leans down and kisses the teasing smile from Buck's face.

"Maybe not," Buck concedes and if he moans when Tommy tugs at his hair as their kisses, that stays between him and Tommy.

Meanwhile, Kira just jumps off the top of the coach and moves to a different room. She knows when her human needs space.

tagging- @tommykinrd @tommy-evan @buckttommy @lesbiankinard

#bucktommy #911

[made-ofmemories]

#911 #buddie

[made-ofmemories]

who's gonna hold you?

me.

who's gonna know you?

me.

ttpd-—taylor swift

tagging squad below, lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3

tags: tags: @loserdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @loveyourownsmiilee @monsterrae1 @bi-buckrights @swiftiebuckleyhan @honestlydarkprincess @queerbuckleys @spotsandsocks @justsmilestuffhappens @bibuckbuckley @djdangerlove @eddiebabygirldiaz @elvensorceress @jacksadventuresinwriting @stanningsky @wh0re-behavi0r @ronordmann @spaceprincessem @transbuck @bidisasterevankinard @giddyupbuck @wildlife4life @betty-boom @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @underwaterninja13 @pirrusstuff @nmcggg @theotherbuckley @louis-tenn @the-gayest-wug @buckley-diaz-rules @muppetbuddie @gamer-kai @blorbodiaz @saybiwithme @trashbaget @steadfastsaturnsrings @bibuckbuckgoose @wikiangela @hobbitnarwhal @shortsighted-owl @pirrusstuff @goldencherrymooon @kinardbuckley @daffi-990 @greenfairrryy @mattsire

#911 #buddie

[made-ofmemories]

#9, the uncomfortable car ride because everything hurts, has me 👀👀👀

It definitely seems like a situation the boys would find themselves in

🩵💜🩵💜

It shouldn’t have been Eddie who was there. Well, if there was any moment where Buck was uncomfortable or hurt and not feeling well or generally anything beyond a shade of fine, Eddie dared anyone to try and keep him from Buck’s side but that wasn’t the point!

Eddie shouldn’t have been there. Comforting Buck and being the solid weight to fall on was Tommy’s job now.

Eddie had told Buck that nothing would change between them. Buck liking men didn’t change how Eddie viewed him: kind, brave, bright, wonderful.

Beautiful.

No. No, Eddie was with Marisol. He was with Marisol whom he could see a real future with if he didn’t get in his own way. He was just starting to figure out life and he wasn’t about to throw all that carefully constructed balance now just because Buck lit up brighter than the goddamn sun whenever Tommy walked into the room.

The barely there whine slipped past Buck’s bloodless lips and he writhed in the seat next to him. His legs bunched up like he wanted to curl them into his chest and hide behind his knees. But the movement just dragged out a sharp gasp as agony rippled through Buck until he was shaking with beads of sweat dragging down droplets from his temples. Whether it was from the pain, the fever, or a combination of both, Eddie couldn’t be sure.

But he was damn sure that he had no business being the one to put his hand on Buck’s knee and squeezing, offering what little comfort he could while he drove through traffic.

Cold, clammy hands curled around his wrist and held on like it was the only thing keeping Buck from tumbling over the edge.

“Hurts.” Buck got out between clenched teeth that chattered periodically from the pain.

“I know,” Eddie said, his thumb sweeping soft caresses on Buck’s knee because it was about the only thing he could do. That and drive as fast as he could navigate his truck in downtown LA. “We’re almost there.”

Buck tipped and before Eddie could realize what was happening, his head was resting on Eddie’s bicep as his arms curled around Eddie’s forearm. The tilt was awkward and Buck looked like he was about the pass out without Eddie keeping him propped up. The small sigh of relief slid out of Buck for just a second before he was tense and uncomfortable again. But it was a second of relief Eddie would take.

He ignored the way his heart seemed to do a series of somersaults in his chest.

He had to. Because it shouldn’t have been there. Buck had Tommy. Tommy, who was in the air and would drop everything to come running when he saw Eddie’s voicemail when he landed.

Eddie knew that. Just like he knew that Buck’s appendix was probably coming out that night.

That didn’t make it any easier though and Eddie didn’t think he was ready to know why.

#buddie #bucktommy #911 #aaaaa!!! #the pining 🥺 #I love it ❤️