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shrek is 15 years old today

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Why don't I hear more about undead beings coming back to warn people? It's always zombies wanting to drag people down to join them in the grave, ghosts seeking vengeance, spirits trying to chase people out of their domains - but if you died horribly and were left rattling around some spooky mansion for eternity, wouldn't you want to stop people from blundering into the same death you had?

You feel a cold breath on your neck as you get in the car. It won't leave until you fasten your seatbelt. An unseen force catches your foot as you pass the fourth step every time you walk up the stairs. During a renovation, you find out the wood is rotten. You can never find a pack of cigarettes - even ones guests bring disappear from their pockets and are found weeks later on the lawn, empty. Your daughter is giggling and laughing at something unseen, chasing after it away from the cliffside on your family hike. You don't know why, but you feel compelled to leave a spare hairband and some stickers on a picnic table as you leave the park. Tribute? A thank you? The items are gone by next time you visit, and you swear a happy child's hum follows you home on the breeze.

...More preventative hauntings. It just makes sense.

#right on queue

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Girls don't want boys, girls want the moon. They want to live on the moon. And eat it in a pie. And keep it as a pet. And wear it like a gemstone in their hair.

#right on queue

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happy werewolf transgenderism wednesday

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ok reblog/reply and tell me what character or person you think this is. no wrong answers

#omg paul got glasses #right on queue

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The Cindy Masterpost

I’ll edit and reblog this with updates as I post new bits of the Cinderella story I’m working on, but for now, here are all the current chapters out:

Part One (In Which Things Would Be Simpler If The Prince Was A Horny Piece of Shit)

Part Two (In Which No Rats Were Harmed In The Making Of These Horses)

Part Three (The OG post which technically is kind of told out of order because there’s a reblog and like, look, I could see this was becoming a thing, but I didn’t think it would be a thing-thing but now it’s a thing-thing and I have to deal with it. I mean I’m writing a masterpost for cryin’ out loud)

Part Four (In Which Cindy and the Fairy Godmother Run from the Cops)

Part Five (In Which The Prince Begins His Investigation While The Narrator yells About Foot Fetishes Because look I’m sick of that joke I’m SO FUCKING SICK of that joke it’s so fucking unoriginal.)

Part Six  (In which we meet The Queen because fuck you she was alive in the Rogers and Hammerstein version)

Part Seven (In which news of the slipper is spread throughout the kingdom and the narrator talks about this one time when they passed out at a Dickens fair and that’s totally definitely relevant.)

Part Eight (In Which the narrator wants to include more slapstick but is also wary about all the implications with regards to class differences and also the slipper is a non-euclidean object which defies all rules of mass and physics.)

Part Nine (In which Cindy is every drunk girl who has ever comforted you in a bar or club bathroom)

#oh wow wow #right on queue

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Some people on this website learnt the word “trope” and let it settle comfortably into the vocabulary space that should have been occupied by the word “cliché”.

“Trope” is a neutral word. If a particular trope is overused ad nauseam, it becomes a cliché. Saying you hate tropes does not make any sense.

#right on queue

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Wilby....my silly little man

he’d bang to this song I know it (and then still commit violent atrocities)

alts:

#i will be thinking about this for the next 10 to 12 business days thank u op #wow wow #right on queue

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Oh man, you guys are a sight for sore eyes! You know, I always support the troops. That's number one. Number two, I bleed red, white, and b-

#right on queue

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riddler this riddler that ENOUG?H about that guy. what about the fiddler. hes stuck on the roof

#right on queue

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hey quick question why did no one ever tell me how fucking insane M*A*S*H is?? their commanding officer is a horse girl. the secretary has psychic powers. this guy walks around a 1950s military outpost in drag and everyone’s just like hey nice dress. the protagonist who is supposed to be the best surgeon in the entire korean war spends every episode strutting around drunk in a hawaiian shirt making homoerotic wisecracks and asking the nurses to step on him like some sort of unhinged bisexual jimmy buffet. guys what the hell is going on in this army doctor show

#i watched this show growing up with my dad #he wonders why i turned out the way i did #right on queue

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How many people’s most beloved childhood stuffed animals are actually teddy bears, like I feel like that’s a thing someone made up. Reblog this and put what your longest owned and/or favorite stuffed animal as a child was in the tags, inquiring minds want to know

#mine actually is a little brown teddy bear #his name is peanut and i got him in the summer of 2003 #so i was about 6 months old

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okay so I'm having a debate with my flatmates

are these all different things and if so what do you call them

#jacket #hoodie #sweatshirt #in that order #everyone who disagrees is wrong #and if anyone tries to say any two of these are the same #i will be disassembling your spine and repossessing your vertabrae #thank you #right on queue

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Spies are shitposts

#right on queue

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Blue goo that makes you go woooo

This was for a dtiys over on insta. Yall should check out gianna_drawsthings over there!

(Click for better quality)

#holy shit #right on queue

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But Mr. Lang that’s my emotional support General of the United States Military, Special Unit P.E.I.P. (we call it “Peep”)

#right on queue