mammonlovesmoney

[mammonlovesmoney]

#i'm so-

[mammonlovesmoney]

Let's play a game

I want everyone to roast me! Don't hold back

You can reblog or send me an ask if you want to remain anonymous

#roast game #interim text post

[mammonlovesmoney]

@bsd-thirstposting​

YOU’RE ALL SO MEAN TO ME OMG

POV: you just sent your italian friend a thread of americans cooking italian food

#i was also informed that this is a depression meal #i don't care who finds out online #but i gotta stop telling people irl i eat this

[mammonlovesmoney]

POV: you just sent your italian friend a thread of americans cooking italian food

#i almost said italian dishes... #but you can imagine what the food looks like #I GOT CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE TOO #SHE ROASTED ME BECAUSE I TOLD HER SOMETIMES I PUT KETCHUP ON PLAIN SPAGHETTI.. #I DON'T CALL IT ITALIAN FOOD I JUST THINK IT TASTE GOOD #interim text post

[mammonlovesmoney]

btw i’m not going to tag anyone in most of them since i’ve got like 50 of them in my drafts and i don’t want to spam anyone

if you see it and want to do it then go right ahead <3

ok i'm feeling a little better today thanks to everyone for the nice messages

im going to go through my drafts and do as many tag games as i can get through

i'm going to tag them as "tag game" if anyone wants to blacklist them because theres a lot of them

[mammonlovesmoney]

thank you so much !! <3<3<3

@kakashifan9 @thebgcharacter @stargazingweeb @the-wholesome-ranpo @marigoos @ich-versteh-euch-nicht @boredotaku567 @stealthetrees @its-a-journal-of-ideals @depressedaizawa

❤️💜 Send this to ten bloggers you think are wonderful. Keep the game going. 💜❤️

Thanks my virally famous pal. Pal who is the personal assistant of a virally famous cat. 

A handful of faceless blogs that I think are wonderful and make me smile, off the top of my head:

@katskip

@spacejammie2020

@princess-madara

@fantasmical-fantasy

@supernovakirby

@darth-sakura

@lynayru

@mintoche

@rule-the-court

@a-weyr-full-of-dragons

#tag game

[mammonlovesmoney]

ok i'm feeling a little better today thanks to everyone for the nice messages

im going to go through my drafts and do as many tag games as i can get through

i'm going to tag them as "tag game" if anyone wants to blacklist them because theres a lot of them

[mammonlovesmoney]

i just need to type this out and get it out of my system don't mind me i just don't know where else to put it. i'm too paranoid to write it down physically;; and letting it sit in drafts doesn't feel like it's out of my system

i don't really care actually if anybody reads it or not, if you're curious then go ahead but it will be very triggering and i won't be tagging anything since it's under a read more

i've been Super™ depressed since i was 12 and i'm 25 now :/ and it's only getting worse which is why i hate all those posts that say "it gets better~ :):):)" IT'S BEEN 13 YEARS! WHEN. WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER

but i never say anything because i know that someone else that sees that might feel better or y'know? i don't want to be a debby downer. maybe it will get better ! i really truly hope so but for now it's :/:/:/

anyways

it's gotten so bad i'm considering getting Professional Help™ only i can't afford it? it costs 70euro per session the cheapest and for comparison i make 20euro a day working 9 hour shifts. and that won't even include any meds they give me

it's definitely gotten worse thanks to the virus and my city has been in lockdown for a whole year now so i'm definitely Feeling It

i'd have to say my tipping point was when i recently realized that my biggest regret in life was regretting not jumping off the balcony and killing myself when [parent] told me to (at age 13 btw)

or not overdosing on pills when [family member] shoved a whole bottle in my face and started yelling at me to "take them!! take them all so we can be done with you!!!" age 16 or 17

i want to be done with me too

and then i get extra sad because i realize i'm 25!!! FUCKING 25!!! and have no plan for my life i've just been drifting but what plan am i supposed to have when i never thought i'd live this long

the plan was to kill myself at 18 which is the plan that a lot of depressed kids have but i was too much of a coward to go through with it

my only "goal" is that i've always wanted to move to japan but of course i haven't been working towards that because i thought i'd be dead by now 0 :) and even if i manage to get there i know i won't make it so why bother in the first place :):):)

and rereading this now made me realize i've been depressed for longer than i haven't been...and i wouldn't exactly say i was happy before either

I Was Not A Happy Child. i wouldn't say i was sad before 12 either but i wasn't happy. i was neutral towards sad. if you'd ask people around me even now they'd say i'm happy because i've always worn a smile

people treat you better when you're smiling all the time

it makes them think i'm stupid...but they treat me nicer than if i were to not smile so i have to fake it every day...also i have resting bitch face so if i'm not smiling and just have a neutral expression people think i'm angry at them and call me a bitch completely unprovoked :)

even if we haven't interacted all day they'll just casually ask me "why are you being such a bitch all day!?!?" like? excuse me? i've locked myself in my room all day, i haven't spoken to you but you've yelled at me three (3) times today unprovoked for something that wasn't my fault and had nothing to do with and somehow i'm the bitch. ok. sure.

#delete this later

[mammonlovesmoney]

right so i've been really busy but i've been checking my activity every now and then and every tag game that i've been tagged in has been saved to my drafts (which are currently at 46! i'm very grateful everyone i will try to get through them all)

so i'm going to try be more active on here...dust off the ol' blog...

#if you don't see me active on here please yell at me #i'm going to comit to this blog #i'm gonna try my darndest

[mammonlovesmoney]

Do you know what fuck you

*Eyebrows your akutagawa*

#eyebrows!!! #yes #bsd

[mammonlovesmoney]

Akutagawa, opening Chuuya’s birthday gift: It’s… It’s a pencil…?

Chuuya: Yeah, but this isn’t some ordinary pencil. This one’s for your eyebrows.

Akutagawa:

#THE SOUND THAT CAME OUT OF MY MIND ASDFGHJ #bsd

[mammonlovesmoney]

[mammonlovesmoney]

I can’t be the only one who only saw this when they first met…

#dazai please #he's 15 he's still growing #bsd

[mammonlovesmoney]

explain the fandom in one pic challenge go

#only 3 more sessions of therapy left... #bsd

[mammonlovesmoney]

Stormbringer doodle (Spoilers) The scene where Dazai gets hanged upside down was so nice 👌💓 (Chuuya was half naked in the previous part so I just imagined him borrowing Dazai’s coat in this xD But it’s my IMAGINATION, don’t take it as Canon please) °°°°°°°°°° ストブリ　rkgk　ネタバレ注意 逆さ吊りのシーン大好きでした （ちゅーやの上半身寒いからだざのコートを借りるってのは私の妄想ですｗｗ本気にしないで下さい） ° ° ° ° ° ° #bungoustraydogs #bungousd  #bsd #dazaiosamu #nakaharachuuya #soukoku #manga #anime #文豪ストレイドッグス #文スト #太中 #太宰治 #中原中也 #双黒 #漫画 #アニメ https://www.instagram.com/p/CMJk1VgnXUE/?igshid=1okigx0enffke

#this was so fucking funny #i still can't believe it's canon #bsd

[mammonlovesmoney]

I want a group of friends like this tbh-

#i think i've reblogged this before #but y'all are gonna look at this again #bsd

[mammonlovesmoney]

Bsd headcanons because I should start reading the light novels

Poe owns a library (the guy is rich so he can afford it). For most of the time, he lets others deal with the people who want to borrow books and all that stuff, but sometimes he closes it and just spends the whole day writing in there or just wanders around, surrounded by books. It calms him. 

Atsushi has everyone’s favourite food memorized and tries to always bring it to them; when he can’t, he’ll do his best to mimic that flavour totally not inspired by the shin soukoku fic “Winter Giving Way” that you shouldn’t absolutely read

At Kyouka’s first birthday after joining the Detective Agency, everyone at the ADA gives her more than one gift because she deserves it. She comes home with like half a dozen plushies, four books, a new collection of knives and a white camelia (which should mean “you’re adorable” according to google)

(I recently found out that the sleeves of kimonos are basically pockets) Fukuzawa keeps in one sleeve some cat treats, in the other sweets for Ranpo and children.

I said in a previous post that Fukuzawa has interrupted a fight to go pet a cat he saw. The fight was against Mori, who just sighed and quietly walked away.    

One time Karl went missing for two whole days and poor Poe started panicking. He went to Ranpo to ask for help. Turned out Karl just sticked with Ranpo for candies and treats.

When Kyouka arrived at the Ada, she couldn’t read or write very well. Fukuzawa has made an habit of inviting her in his office at least half an hour a day to teach her, but sometimes they just chill and pet cats.

Gin once gave Chuuya a whole set of different colored nail polish for his birthday. Chuuya proceed to try them all “out of spite”. He now often wears black or red nail polish.

Higuchi owns a record player. She sometimes dances around her house to the music.

Yosano studied to become a pediatrician.

#so the most important thing that i'm taking away from this is #it's canon that chuuya paints his nails #bsd #wait i misread lol #i thought you said these were from the light novel #i may be stupid