mariamuses

[mariamuses]

shut the fuck up 😭🤩💔

Sleight of Hand, Part 4: The Kiss

I wrote this thing in like an hour, so it's probably pretty rough. Enjoy reading! I'm glad I am able to write again.

Rating: T, Warnings: Language

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Another week passed, and Aelin was ready to tear her hair out.

Rowan had been at her apartment almost every night since their accidental cuddle sesh the previous Thursday. He didn’t seem to realize what had happened, or if he did, he was taking the “it never happened” route. Which was fine by her. After all, he was the one who wanted to be friends, and friends didn’t have sleepovers that involved cuddling.

But for the past week, it became clear that whatever “just friends” meant to the both of them were two wildly different definitions, and it was slowly driving her mad. He texted her first thing in the morning to tell her he hoped she had a good day at work and punctuated that same workday with jokes, comments, or other silly things that inevitably led them down a rabbit hole of discussion. In the evenings, they watched movies, dissected TV shows, talked about their favorite books, and he even managed to teach her a card game that was somehow more ruthless than ERS.

Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she had so much fun with someone who wasn’t Lysandra and didn’t think she ever had this much fun with a member of the opposite sex. Too often, they were trying to get into her pants to really want to talk about her interests. Still, she and Rowan had settled into a casual intimacy more befitting of a long-term friendship than the brief companionship they had found in each other.

It pissed her off to no end.

They shared so many of the same interests. They could talk for hours, waxing poetic about the intricacies of their favorite books and the utter shit that some critically acclaimed movies were – their only constraint was time, and even then, he would pick conversations back up almost immediately when they were both awake and ready.  

In addition to the ease of their conversations, there had been the touching. So much touching. The soft grazes on her legs when they sat in bed to watch a movie; the hugs he mentioned that he hated but seemed to dole out to her at a whim; the casual grasping of her hands, her legs, her feet, her whatever body part he could get a hand on. Nothing salacious, but every time he brushed against her skin, Aelin couldn’t help the want that bloomed imperiously in her body.

The past week had been excruciating. Aelin felt on edge, torn between running away from him, knowing that devastation lay waiting in the wings, or confronting him about the confusing nature of their relationship, only to get rejected again. Aelin had been all ready to shut down her crush on him. She could respect the boundary he set – nothing said he was required to pursue a relationship with her, even if the feelings were mutual. She had worked hard to ensure she had her heart eyes under control when he was around. But Rowan had the complete and utter audacity to be charming, funny, gorgeous, and totally into her, even if he wasn’t interested in furthering their relationship.

She never stood a chance.

And really, if she spent longer than five seconds thinking about it, the whole situation scared her shitless. Here she was again, careening headfirst into a level of infatuation that was frankly insane. She shouldn’t have been surprised – it was her MO when it came to guys and dating, but she figured after the shit with Chaol that she would have been more discerning. Apparently, all it takes is for a guy to treat her with the slightest modicum of respect, and she was a goner.

That thought plagued her every time she opened his text thread, or he stopped by her apartment. What she had already felt for Rowan had eclipsed her supposed feelings for Chaol, and she had stayed with him for almost two years. All she could see was the end of the summer and the soul-wrenching pain of heartbreak. But she couldn’t stop herself. She found herself obsessing over the slight touches, the warmth of his body radiating into her as they sat next to each other on her bed, the infectious way he made her laugh, and the smiles he seemed to save just for her. It had only been two weeks since he slammed that wall down between them, but to Aelin, it had felt like a lifetime had stretched between them during those two weeks. He made her feel so much that it was already hard enough to walk away at the end of the summer. But right now? Even with self-preservation on the line, she couldn’t make herself do it.

Which was why she found herself standing at the door to his apartment that Friday evening. He had texted her earlier to let her know that his roommates were heading out of town for the weekend, and he had the whole place to himself if she wanted to stop by for a movie marathon. Aelin surmised that he probably didn’t intend the suggestive tone she read from his message, but heat had spread quickly throughout her body at the thought of being truly alone with him. She had her own room that allowed for some privacy, of course, but she was never without company in her apartment, not with the scores of friends who had unfettered access to her home.

Her skin prickled in anticipation as she knocked on the door. She shivered when the breeze brushed over her, definitely due to nerves; Rifthold was experiencing one of the hottest summers on record, so whatever wind was just as warm and sticky as the night that surrounded her. She heard the shuffling of footsteps from inside, a lock that thunked into place, and the whine of older hinges as the door opened in front of her.

Rowan smiled at her brightly, that smile that seemed to be only for her. Aelin hadn’t seen him interact with many people to know if there was a difference between what he gave to them versus what he saved for her, but she had the impression that smiles for him were rare. She savored those smiles. They were precious and, in her mind, meant only for her.

“Hey, Ae,” Rowan said warmly. She swore her heart fluttered at that single-syllable utterance. Two weeks, and he already had a nickname for her. Took Chaol several months into their relationship before he called her anything other than Aelin. Just another obvious tell that Chaol had not been right for her. Rowan’s presence in her life put all of Chaol’s shortfalls on blast, and she may as well have been keeping a running tally every time a new one popped up.

“Hey, yourself.” Aelin found herself returning his smile with a grin of her own and didn’t wait before entering his apartment. It wasn’t as spartan as she had expected – she had seen the interiors of some apartments with nothing but a chair and a TV – but the furniture was sparse, making the transient nature of its tenants obvious. A single couch lay against the wall opposite a TV on what appeared to be a rickety stand. A foldout tray stood beside it, holding up the latest gaming system. It was functional, but it was also evident that Rowan had never intended to put down any roots.

Swallowing the lump that rose unbidden in her throat, she turned back to Rowan. “You mentioned a movie marathon. What are we watching tonight?”

Rowan brushed a hand behind his head, that same nervous tick she had noticed from the beginning. “How do you feel about westerns?”

Aelin tried to avoid making a face, but it was almost instantaneous. Westerns were decidedly not her favorite thing, but they were obviously something that Rowan enjoyed. She knew she had misstepped the second his grin melted away into embarrassment, and he immediately started backpedaling.

“We don’t have to watch them,” he said sheepishly. “We can watch something else instead.”

“No, Rowan,” Aelin stepped towards him, laying her hand on his arm. The heat of his skin scorched her palm, and she felt him take a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry for making a face just now; I wasn’t trying to make any decisions or make you feel bad. What movies did you have in mind?”

Rowan’s demeanor brightened a bit at the concession. “You’ve heard of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, right?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Well, of course. I think everyone has.”

“Did you know it’s actually the third movie in a trilogy?”

She was surprised, even though there really was no reason for her to be. She didn’t watch Westerns, so why would she know it was part of a trilogy? She only knew of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly by name.

At her silence, Rowan continued to talk. “It is arguably the best movie in the trilogy, and obviously the most well-known, but The Man with No Name has many stories to tell.”

Aelin started. “I’m sorry, the who?”

Rowan chuckled at her. “Let’s start at the beginning.”

---

Three hours later, Aelin felt herself dozing. They had gotten through A Fistful of Dollars with little fanfare and immediately started For a Few Dollars More. But the second movie was almost twice as long as the first, and while she hadn’t hated the experience so far, it was a bit of a stretch for her to say that she was actively enjoying the movies.

Rowan, on the other hand, sat rapt next to her, his eyes never moving away from the screen. He mainly had been quiet throughout the first movie, only focusing on her when she had a question regarding the plot. Aelin could tell that this was one of his favorites, so she made sure never to give the impression that she disliked it, but after pausing the movie and declaring a need for a break, she found herself curious about something.

“So why Westerns?” Aelin asked. He was wearing a faded Nirvana t-shirt and another pair of ratty jeans. She was pretty sure the shoes next to the door were a beat-up pair of Chuck Taylors. Everything about him screamed alternative, so the Western thing was a bit surprising.

Rowan had paused for a moment, thinking. “My uncle loves them.”

Rowan took a deep breath, almost as if to calm himself down. Aelin prompted him to continue.

“My parents passed away when I was eight years old,” Rowan said quietly. “My dad had a heart attack when he was still young, and my mother followed soon after, consumed with grief.”

Aelin felt the tears welling up. “Oh, Rowan, I’m so sorry.”

Rowan waved his hand noncommittally, but it was evident that he still felt their deaths strongly, even years later.

“Afterward, I went to live with my uncle and my cousins. I have so many of them; having another child in the midst didn’t seem out of place. He watched Westerns whenever he had a chance. When I missed my parents or didn’t want to be around my cousins, I sought him out, and we would watch them together. He is a huge fan of the John Wayne ones, but his favorite is Once Upon a Time in the West. The director, Sergio Leone, also made the movies we’re watching, effectively creating the whole ‘spaghetti western’ sub-genre.”

Aelin wrinkled her nose. “What’s a spaghetti western?”

Rowan laughed. “Literally speaking, they're Western movies made by Italian directors,” he started. “But also as an antithesis to the traditional US Western. Most US Westerns depict a conflict between an incorruptible hero and a diabolical villain. Spaghetti Westerns turn that tradition on its head and are categorized by their rougher, bloodier, and more violent nature. You see that Clint Eastwood’s character isn’t a good guy, right? But he is still very much the protagonist of these movies.”

Aelin thought about the movie for a moment. She supposed that even if the film wasn’t her thing, she could appreciate the storytelling aspect of having a flawed anti-hero as the protagonist.

Aelin turned and smiled back at Rowan. “If Once Upon a Time in the West is your Uncle’s favorite, what is yours?”

Without a beat, Rowan responded. “Also Once Upon a Time in the West.”

“Well, why aren’t we watching that one instead?”

“Because,” he stated. “It’s an almost three-hour movie, and if you’re already fading this much with just A Fistful of Dollars under your belt, you’d never last.”

“I am not fading,” Aelin said indiginantly.

“Sure, you definitely weren’t dozing the twenty minutes before you called for a break.” Rowan’s eyes twinkled in the dim light, his joy illuminated by the TV screen. They commenced in a staring contest, neither one backing down from their asserted position. Time seemed to still in that moment, and Aelin felt like she was drowning in the warmth radiating from his emerald green eyes.

Moments passed before Rowan spoke again, this time softly, and Aelin might have missed it if she hadn’t already been so free with the attention she gave.

“Thank you.”

The soft comment broke her from her daze. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For watching them with me. I know it’s not your thing; your face spoke volumes earlier. But I still appreciate your willingness to watch them with me just because they’re my favorite.”

Aelin felt emotion swell inside, her face splitting into a wide grin. “Of course, Rowan. I want to learn about what makes you who you are.”

“Well, in that case…what is your favorite movie?”

Aelin chuckled. “We’re not answering questions about me right now.”

Whatever shadows had lingered in his eyes from his earlier conversation had cleared, and only a mischievous gleam remained. “But part of what makes me who I am is an insatiable need to know more about you. I actually can’t believe we’ve spent most of the last week watching movies, and this topic never came up once.”

Aelin smiled softly at his antics but quickly sobered as she noticed he was still expecting an answer to his question. “You’re going to laugh.”

“I absolutely will not,” Rowan said, crossing his finger over the left side of his chest. “Cross my heart.”

She sighed deeply before resigning herself to whatever happens.“It’s Beauty and the Beast.”

A deep laugh burst out of Rowan’s chest, and Aelin scowled at him. Chaol had done the same thing, and she supposed it left a sting behind.

“I swear, I’m not laughing at you. Okay, maybe I am, but only because you thought I would laugh at you for liking the first animated film to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar.”

“Okay, maybe it’s not that embarrassing, but plenty of people have made me feel bad for enjoying a “kid’s movie” so much.” Chaol for sure had, preferring the over-the-top artsy crap that was always in the running for awards.

Rowan immediately stopped laughing and looked at her somberly. “Well, those people are dicks and wouldn’t know good cinema if it bit them in the ass.”

---

Rowan had pressed play on the movie not too shortly after their conversation, but Aelin couldn’t recall much of what had happened. She had tried to stay awake, but the stress of the week and the film that was most definitely not working for her led to her falling asleep. When she woke, the soft grayish light was peeking through the blinds in the living room, letting her know that it was still very early in the morning.

She and Rowan had fallen asleep on the couch together, it appeared. And much like the week before, Rowan had wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her into his body. She marveled at how well they fit together, that even though she was definitely on the tall side, he was still that much taller and broader than she was. She fit perfectly under his chin.

But unlike last week, she had difficulty extricating herself from his arms. She was comfortable, surrounded everywhere by his warmth and that pine/snow scent radiating off him in waves. It made her think of home, of Oakwald forest where she would play with other members of her family who had been lost to time, illness, and more. The forest was so close to the Staghorn mountains that when the wind would come in from the mountaintops, it mixed delightfully with the lush pine scent of the trees.

She would only allow herself a few moments of snuggling, but then she would work on removing herself from his arms again. She got lucky last week in sparing themselves the embarrassment, but she didn’t think she would be so lucky this time.

And she wasn’t. The second she turned her head away from the window, her eyes met a set of green in the dimly lit space. Her breath hitched. Aelin wasn’t sure how Rowan would handle being caught in this compromising situation, and she didn’t really want to stick around to find out.

However, neither of them moved. They both lay entwined, breathing each other in. The couch was not deep, and if not for how close they were laying, Aelin likely would have ended up on the floor at some point in the night. Rowan’s hold on her waist seemingly tightened around her, and Aelin swore he could feel the thunderous beat of her heart against his chest.

It could have been seconds or minutes that they lay there looking at each other, seemingly unwilling to move from this protective haven of warmth and comfort. And just as Aelin decided to remove herself, Rowan reached his hand to cup her cheek.

His palm was warm against her face, his thumb swiping across her cheekbone so softly that Aelin wasn’t entirely sure it was happening. Rowan’s fingers twined with the hair coming loose from the ponytail she wore last night as his gaze turned into something molten that caused a fire to spark to life inside her.

Before she could ask him what he was doing, Rowan leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against her mouth.

It wasn’t anything more than a chaste peck, and it was over before she even fully registered that it happened, but Aelin jumped in his arms at the touch, and without his arm around her, she started falling off the couch.

Rowan immediately shifted, trying to keep her from sliding off the edge, only to end up on the floor in the ensuing scuffle. Rowan’s hand cradled the back of her head as if he were trying to prevent a head injury in the half foot or so she fell to the floor. The other was wrapped tightly around her waist, and with the added bonus of gravity, Aelin could feel all of Rowan’s weight deliciously on top of her.

They both stared wide-eyed at each other – Rowan’s were mixed with a level of surprise and concern, whereas she was confident that hers were just surprised by the unfolding of events that occurred. A moment passed. Another. A third one before Rowan finally put them out of their misery.

His lips pressed against hers once again.

This one was not the chaste kiss from mere moments ago. This one had a hunger to it that left Aelin breathless. She registered his soft, firm, demanding mouth against hers and moved hers in whatever way he directed. She felt the soft slide of his tongue against her lips, and she gladly allowed him entrance to her mouth. Their tongues sensually moved against each other, and his hands tightened around her waist. He had pulled her fully against him, not that there was anywhere else to go between his hard body and the floor. Not that Aelin even wanted to move.

The rational part of her said that they needed to stop and talk about what was actively transpiring at that moment. But the other part of her brain was content to keep this boy in her arms for as long as possible.

Rowan had moved from her mouth down the column of her neck, placing little nips in the sensitive skin before trailing back up and doing it all over again. Aelin carded her fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck, the same spot he went to when he was nervous. He sure didn’t seem nervous now. In fact, Rowan seemed completely capable of kissing away the breath in her lungs.

But as he nibbled down her neck, she couldn’t help asking. “Rowan, what are you doing?”

“Kissing you” was the only smart-alec response he got from the man currently ravishing her.

“But…what about…,” Aelin drew in a sharp breath as Rowan found a particularly erogenous zone right at the base of her neck, where it met her collar bone. Aelin attempted to stifle the moan that slid up through her throat, but she was not entirely successful. She heard Rowan groan in response as he continued to place sucking kisses against her sensitive skin.

Aelin tried again to get his attention. “Rowan…I’m-…we’re not supposed to be doing this.”

Only then did Rowan stop. He pulled back from her throat, his arms braced against her head as he stared down at her. She watched as he licked his lips as if savoring the taste of her mouth inside his, and she practically melted right into the floor.

Never in her wildest dreams had a man look at her the way Rowan looked at her then. Like she was fierce and passionate, a warrior, but also someone capable of taking his breath away. He sighed, reluctantly relenting just a tiny bit of space to say his piece.

“We can do whatever we like. And you’re right; we probably shouldn’t. But now that I’ve started this, I can’t seem to stop.”

It didn’t hurt her ego to hear him say that. She had practically been in a whirlwind of emotion for the past week, analyzing and reanalyzing their interactions, and it was nice to hear that he had been experiencing a similar kind of hell.

“We can be friends who kiss, right?” Aelin asked tentatively. She didn’t want to do it, but she also knew that this would only ever be a summer fling, so if she wanted him, she needed to meet him where he was and be okay with what happened after.

She didn’t have to wait long. Rowan quickly returned to what he was doing before she interrupted him. He even responded to the question she asked about friends who kiss. However, despite the shiny golden light unfurling within her like a newborn star, his response to her question left an ominous sense of dread in its wake.

“We can be friends who kiss, but I still have to leave at the end of the summer."

---------------

Tagging those who might still be interested in this ancient fossil of a fic:

@highqueenofelfhame @shyvioletcat @westofmoon @whimsicallyreading @morganofthewildfire @mariamuses @1islessthan3books @superspiritfestival @jesstargaryenqueen @chieflemming @swankii-art-teacher @rowaelinismyotp @booknerdproblems

#i loved it so much #yet it tore me apart at the end 😭

[mariamuses]

screaming, crying, throwing up bc i need moreeee

A/N: Hey guys, long time no post. I think this chapter passes, I just seem to be existing on anxiety and sleep depravation at the moment so I can't be sure. Writing brings me joy though, as does sharing with you guys. So, I present to you the latest chapter of rollercoaster.

~ All This Time Masterlist ~

~~~~~

Aelin had never experienced a more awkward car ride in her life. There were so many to choose from but this one well and truly took the cake. None of her teenage failings that had been scrutinised relentlessly even came close to this. Pregnant, destitute and in the car of an ex who had every right to hate you and whose home you were currently on the way to so you could stay… it would take a lot to outdo in this situation. Neither were brave enough to start a conversation, so instead they just drove in a painful silence. Rowan hadn’t even bothered to turn the radio on, a habit that seemed to have lingered over the years. 

When Aelin had told him that she had agreed to his offer, Rowan had looked at her with outright surprise and then simply said, “Okay”. Before she could stop him he had helped gather up her belongings that mainly consisted of paperwork, and guided her towards the nurses station where she checked herself out. After that he had led the way to his car.

She had downright baulked at the sight of it. It was a sleek sports SUV in a gunmetal grey. Nice and very fitting for a doctor. The issue for her was that she would have to climb up into it, and Aelin honestly didn’t know if she could. She ignored Rowan to the best of her ability and opened the car door, forcing herself into movement, trying to convince her body to move despite the aching. Aelin thought she had it, but her uninjured arm had shaken as it took the full weight of her body. She might have fallen if not for Rowan putting a gentle and steadying hand on her back, with just enough pressure to help her into the passenger seat. He shut the door for her too, while she just sat there staring at the lock on the glovebox, her cheeks burning.

That had been that. Rowan got in and drove, and now they were slowly making their way through the heavily trafficked streets of Doranelle. The entire car ride they hadn’t said a word to each other. Aelin had no idea where she should even start. They had shifted into somewhere so far beyond normal that it felt surreal to be in this situation.

“We should be at my place in about five minutes,” Rowan said, breaking the heavy silence. The comment was pointless, he had put their destination on the screen in the dash as soon as they had got into the car to monitor the traffic. Watching that time go down had occupied Aelin while also filling her with dread.

“Okay, cool,” she replied.

The silence thickened again, unbearable but inescapable. 

“You didn’t have to do this,” Aelin said, finally having the guts to address the situation.

She risked a glance over at Rowan and saw the corner of his mouth tighten. “What else were you going to do?”

Valid question, and Aelin didn’t have an answer. She had no other choice except to be the victim of Rowan’s pity.

Five minutes turned into four, then three, then two, and then they were driving into the underground garage of an apartment building. As the car descended into momentary darkness Aelin swallowed. This was it—no turning back now. Unless she made a literal run for it. But like Rowan had said, what else was she going to do? There was nowhere else for her to go. 

Getting out was much easier than getting in, and Aelin had her feet on the concrete before Rowan even made it to her side of the car. He grabbed his and her things from the backseat, the sound of the door closing echoing in the underground space. It was like the final challenge for the ultimatum laid out in front of her. She could go with Rowan or she could risk it on her own.

“This way,” Rowan said, coming around to the front of the car and Aelin followed.

He had to scan a little dongle to summon the elevator, insinuating this place was decent enough for some security. Rowan waited until Aelin was through the doors of the elevator before stepping in himself. She knew the chivalrous considerations were just part of who Rowan was, it still grated on her though. He jabbed the button and floor nine lit up. Aelin started to wonder if this would be her life now, stuck in tight quarters with Rowan where the only noise came from the world around them while they suffered in awkward silence. It was almost suffocating, everything that was going unsaid weighing down on them. 

When the elevator stopped Aelin was out as soon as the doors were wide enough to let her, Rowan only a few steps behind. In the hallway it was easier to breathe, she could put more physical distance between the two of them before they would be shut inside his apartment for gods knew how long. This was starting to feel like yet another cage, one of her own choosing, but any way Aelin looked at it she was trapped. At least here, with Rowan, she knew she would be safe. She blindly followed him down the hallway, barely taking notice of her surroundings. Aelin was so tired, maybe once she was inside Rowan’s apartment she could close her eyes and pretend for a little while that this reality she lived in was all a dream. 

She was aware enough that she didn’t run into Rowan when he stopped to unlock the door. The keys jangled and the door opened, the man in front of her disappearing inside, and as Aelin stepped into the apartment stopped. The apartment was nice, open planned with clean finishes and white walls, nothing ostentatious or showy besides the huge TV in front of a plush looking couch. Rowan was moving through the space, his movements precise enough that Aelin assumed it was part of his evening routine. The lights in the living area were flicked on, he dropped his keys in a bowl on the breakfast counter, then he was shutting the curtains on the large bay windows that were lined with a cushioned bench seat. It was refined in a way that seemed to scream Rowan, even with their years apart Aelin could recognise that. He had never been one for needless clutter or anything without a purpose. This apartment just seemed to be an elevated and mature reflection of that old dorm room they had spent so much time in. 

“My bedroom is through that door,” Rowan pointed towards a door over the other side of the apartment. “You take it.”

Aelin stopped short, her feet sinking into a soft rug. “I can’t take your bedroom.”

“You can.” Rowan insisted. “There’s an ensuite you can use so just about everything you need will be behind that door.”

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Aelin,” Rowan said, fixing her with a look that seemed resigned. It was so weird hearing that name so often again, even stranger coming from his mouth with even an ounce of gentleness. “Please just take it. It’ll give you privacy.”

Aelin’s stomach sank at the implications of what he was offering. He was giving her the opportunity to hide away, as much privacy as she could get in this amply sized but suddenly overcrowded apartment. Rowan was willing to sacrifice his comfort for the sake of her’s.

Emotion welled up inside her, it had her eyes burning and Aelin chose to stare at the floor rather than risk him seeing the tears. This was too much. The weight of everything that had happened to her over the past few days became overwhelming in a split second. Her hands were shaking as they covered her face, like that would be enough to hold everything in.

Gods, what was she even doing here? 

“Aelin.”

She could hear Rowan moving closer and she didn’t want that. His sympathy was misplaced, every good deed that he had so magnanimously gifted her was undeserved. Aelin held up a hand, telling him to stop.

“Don’t, I’m fine,” but the strain and the wobble in her voice said otherwise. “Thank you, for your room.”

“Why don’t you have a shower and I’ll get something started for dinner,” Rowan said, offering her an escape. 

Aelin just nodded, heading towards the door that had been pointed out to her, shutting it before she really fell to pieces. There wasn’t too much to the bedroom, just a neatly made bed and matching furniture. The linens were greys and greens, the wood of the furniture dark. Most people would say the room lacked personality but this space screamed Rowan. Once again, it reminded Aelin of his dorm.

Next she moved onto the ensuite. The bathroom was impeccable, clean and not one item out of place. It definitely made Aelin feel like she was intruding, scared to knock something just a millimetre. For a while she just stood there, surrounded by white tiles and silver finishes. She wanted to shower, she really did, but it was such an effort. The feel of the hospital was still all over her and she felt like the smell of it had seeped into her clothes. Aelin just needed to turn the water on, undress, and once she was clean she could put fresh clothes—

Aelin didn’t have anything. She’d thrown out what she had worn to the hospital and there she had been given a single set of everything. Once Aelin was out of the shower she would only have her dirty clothes to put back on, including her underwear. That was so unappealing it made her nauseous to the point she could realistically throw up. Pregnancy was weird.

There were a few options. She could risk putting her old clothes on and hope that her will power was stronger than the urge to throw up. Another was asking Rowan for some of his clothes, but that kind of intimacy felt wrong. Aelin already felt intensely uncomfortable, if she was going to give herself one allowance it was that she wanted her own clothes. So her third and final option was to tell Rowan, hoping she could once again prey on his kindness. Leaving the refuge of the bedroom, Aelin found Rowan where he said he’d be—in the kitchen preparing dinner.

“Hey,” Aelin said quietly, but still it nearly made Rowan jump from where he stood with his back to her. He turned, recovered, and yet Aelin hated making him feel uncomfortable in his own home. 

“What’s up?” he asked in a way that seemed more forced than casual.

“I don’t have any clothes,” she replied flatly.

Immediately he was ready to help. “Oh, yeah. I can get you something.”

“Um, I mean I don’t have any clothes.” When he looked a bit blankly, Aelin tried again. “Like, anything. And please don’t offer me yours.”

Rowan’s confusion lasted for a second longer and then she saw his eyes widened slightly as he understood her meaning. “Okay, yeah. We’ll sort that out.”

He went into his bedroom and Aelin wandered back into the living area because that seemed more sensible than loitering near the empty kitchen with nothing to do. Rowan returned a few moments later with a silver laptop in his hand. Aelin watched as he stood by an armchair and lifted the screen, tapping what she assumed was his password on the keyboard. A few clacks and clicks later and Rowan was facing the laptop to her, the site for a popular department store on the screen. 

“Do a pick up order and I’ll head out and get it for you,” Rowan said. 

The protest was on the tip of Aelin’s tongue but once again, she didn’t really have a choice here. Without a word she took the laptop and eased down onto Rowan’s couch, all too aware of her injuries. Because of the pregnancy they couldn’t give her anything too strong and the basic stuff still left her aching. The near constant pain wore her out. 

Aelin was too tired to think and she loaded the cart with basic and cheap items, just t-shirts and leggings and the simplest underwear she could find. Having to spend Rowan’s money was bad enough, she didn’t need to waste it on frivolous things. By the time she was done she could feel exhaustion weighing on her, and she knew within a few minutes she would be struggling to keep her eyes open. 

“Here,” she said and pushed the laptop onto the low coffee table in front of her. “Finished.”

Rowan came back over from wherever he’d wandered off to and picked the laptop back up. He gave the screen a quick glance before tilting it down. 

“I’ll just get changed and you can take the room,” he said and then he was gone.

As the door to the bedroom closed the apartment went silent and Aelin just sat there feeling the crushing awkwardness of what her life was. She was glad her body was seeking sleep, it gave her the chance to be unconscious and escape. There was a deep green throw blanket folded at one end of the couch, and Aelin pulled one of the corners as she lay down. It was so soft, absolutely luxurious compared to the scratchy bedding at the hospital. The couch was massive and she could have sprawled out on it, but still she lay on her side, subconsciously curling in on herself a little. It felt safer lying like this, just the feeling of that little bit of protection she could offer was comforting.

Exhaustion didn’t prolong her suffering, it helped sweep her away into darkness and the sweet haven of sleep. 

~~~~~

Rowan walked the aisles of the women’s section, eyes darting between his phone screen and the racks of clothing around him. His plan had been a good one, until he’d changed out his work clothes and went to put the order through only to realise pick up orders had closed a good two hours ago. Anything put through would be ready tomorrow. Despite the inconvenience he wouldn’t make Aelin wait that long. Rowan had gone back out to the living room to tell her but she was fast asleep tucked under the throw blanket he kept on the couch. 

For a moment he considered waking her, but then he thought better of it. Aelin looked more at ease than he’d seen her since she had walked into his ER that fateful night. The worry was gone from her face, with her eyes closed she seemed at peace—not looking around like she didn’t trust a soul in the world. Him included. She was like a wild animal, cornered and ready to run at the slightest threat. Gods knew how long she’d been stuck in fight or flight. It would be best to leave her to get the reprieve she desperately needed. 

So instead he’d taken a photo of her cart and left a note on the table explaining what he was doing just in case she woke up before he got back. And he had also taken the precaution of calling Fenrys to see if he could watch the main entrance of his apartment building. He wasn’t proud about that last move, but he didn’t know what else to do. He just didn’t entirely trust Aelin not to run. If she did Rowan wasn’t about to let her compromise her safety or health once she’d found even just a fraction of it with him. Without resident access the only way out was through the front door and that’s where Fenrys said he’d sit in his patrol car if an emergency didn’t call him away. The list of favours he owed his friends was steadily growing, owing it all to the woman who had so spectacularly stumbled back into his life. 

Rowan found the t-shirts on the list and dropped them into his trolley. Everything Aelin had chosen was basic and plain, and honestly not what he expected. He wasn’t going to deviate though, that might require them to have a conversation which seemed beyond them right now. Their situation was going to be awkward, there had never been any question about that, but it had still managed to catch Rowan off guard. Especially when there was such a severe helplessness that surrounded Aelin. She needed help, but she’d fight every kindness every step of the way.

Looking down at his screen Rowan checked off what he already had. He had just about everything except the items he had been inadvertently avoiding. The ones that prompted this whole shopping spree in the first place. Rowan left the women’s outer clothing behind and headed towards the women’s under clothing. This is why he wanted to do the click and collect order in the first place, to stop him from wandering the rows of underwear by himself, picking out Aelin’s intimate clothing. Unfortunately he didn’t have much of a choice. It was almost ironic after everything she had put him through, here he was forcing himself into uncomfortable situations for the sake of her comfort. 

Rowan took a moment to study exactly what Aelin had requested so that he didn’t have to linger to rifle through styles or sizes. Again, just basic, nothing fancy. That was certainly surprising considering some of the things he had seen her wear when—

Rowan stopped so suddenly he might have gone tumbling into his trolley if he hadn’t been steady on his feet. That was one line of thought he needed to stop right now. Those thoughts were not going to make these circumstances any easier. The last thing he needed to do right now was reminisce about what they had been. What they were now was so different it was laughable. 

Ready to get this over and done with Rowan looked up and got a face full of lace. Red to be exact. Thoughts tumbled one after the other and suddenly he was remembering that red was Aelin’s favourite colour and how she tended to favour that colour in similar items. He could see her, sprawled on his—

“No,” hissed and rubbed his eyes like that would get the image out of his head. This was getting out of hand and he was not for the first time seriously second guessing his offer and his sanity. There were other options for Aelin, but he had gone and dragged her into the one that was most painful for him. 

He could do this. It was just underwear. Rowan was a doctor, for Hellas sake. He saw unwear and nudity nearly on a daily basis, buying women’s underwear would not intimidate him. He’d seen her naked, he could buy simple cotton underwear. 

Ears burning, Rowan managed to find the underwear and bras on the list and then he quietly legged it out of there. When he was a safe loitering distance away he checked over the items on his phone and then what he had in the trolley. To be sure he had everything Rowan went over both twice, and nothing was missing. He was free to leave. 

On the way to the registers Rowan passed by the personal items. He paused and thought about what Aelin might need. In the end he just grabbed her a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Any specifics she could order herself, he wasn’t about to take a guess at her preferred shampoo or body wash. But a toothbrush she would need because Rowan knew he didn’t have any spares in his apartment. 

With everything bought and paid for it wasn’t long before Rowan was driving home and pulling back into his parking spot in his apartment building. There were no significant updates from Fenrys, just him moaning on about how hungry he was and that the least Rowan could do was bring him a treat. Unfortunately for his friend, Rowan hadn’t bought so much as a chocolate bar. He stopped on the ground floor to go deliver the bad news himself. 

Fenrys’ patrol car was parked a little ways up the street, the colouring and sirens making it easy enough to spot. He was slouched in the driver’s seat looking at something on his phone. Rowan knocked on the passenger window, making Fenrys startle before he rolled down the window.

“Nothing to report,” Fenrys said as Rowan leaned into the window frame. “Did you bring me something?”

“No, but thank you,” Rowan said.

Fenrys sighed. “This is worth a dinner and an explanation.”

Rowan shrugged. “Dinner I can do.” 

“Come on,” Fenrys almost groaned. “There is something going on here, and you keep asking for my help and it’s not fair that I don’t know the full story.”

Rowan stood up, slapping the car door once. “You’ll survive. I promise I’ll have a chocolate bar on me next time.”

Rowan was already walking back to his building when he heard a call of, “You better!”

The short journey back to his apartment seemed longer than usual, probably due to his reluctance to be alone with Aelin. He knew he was doing the right thing. There was never a doubt in his mind that offering Aelin sanctuary was the right thing to do. Having her in his space was just something he was going to have to get used to it. 

It turned out that Aelin was right where he left her, still asleep. She was curled under the blanket, but instead of looking content, now her face was troubled. Her brows were pinched and her mouth was twisted tight. Rowan thought it might be nausea and went to get her some water and crackers from the kitchen. That was when he heard her whimper, followed by a soft sob. 

“Aelin,” Rowan said cautiously, backing up. “You awake?”

He came around the other side of the couch so that he could see her better. Aelin’s eyes were still tightly shut and she had started to bury her face in her hands that were under the blanket. She started to cry harder, her harsh breaths catching in her throat. 

Rowan reached out, but hesitated, and then threw away all caution. He squeezed her shoulder gently, rocking her just a little. “Aelin, wake up.”

The next sound she made was undoubtedly out of fear, her body contracting in on itself.

“Aelin,” Rowan said more firmly. “It’s a dream, come on. Wake up.”

Aelin’s eyes fluttered open, like her dream was trying to hold her under. When they opened completely and she saw him she flinched away, sitting up and retreating to the very corner of the couch. She looked like she was still caught in a semi dream haze and trying to figure out where she was. 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Rowan told her. “You’re safe here.” 

Aelin’s turquoise eyes landed on him, fully awake now. He could tell that sleep no longer had any hold on her from the look she gave him— full of self loathing and guilt. Rowan had to look away because he didn’t know what he was supposed to say or do. There was no comfort he could or wanted to offer her that she would accept. Instead he just focused on what he could give her.

“Everything you need is in here,” Rowan sat the bag on the couch next to her, worried that even that might scare her. 

It didn’t, she just looked at it for a long moment before she muttered a soft, “Thank you.”

Rowan nodded to the bag. “I can wash and dry those—”

“It’s fine.” 

She had cut him off before he could finish and threw the blanket back. Without a second glance at him, Aelin grabbed the bag and hurried off to his bedroom, closing the door behind her. 

The apartment went silent, not an uncommon occurrence due to the fact that he lived alone. But this felt different. Rowan’s apartment was slowly filling with tension, heavy and thick, the worst of it was that it was inescapable. He wondered what it might take for it to overflow and come cascading down on them both like an unrelenting waterfall. 

~~~~~

Still having tag list issues. Please stand by. Best way to get notification will be to follow @works-of-shyvioletcat

#like #please #pleeeaseee #i need rowan comforting aelin ASAP #i can’t take this emotional distanceee #they can go the distance like hercules

[mariamuses]

whenever i read a memoir i’m like how did you remember all that

#YES

[mariamuses]

does anyone else hear the beat clicks on the new romantics intro?? like the metronome

#new romantics #1989 tv #1989 taylor's version #taylor swift

[mariamuses]

Anxious & Bewitched {nessian}

Ship: Nesta x Cassian Summary: College AU; Nesta loses a bet and has to go on a date with Cassian to a haunted corn maze. T/W: None; Fluff

Written with @snelbz

As Nesta opened the passenger side door and dropped from the cab of the truck, a chill breeze had her tucking her hands into the folds of her thick sweater.

The driver-side door closed behind her and she took a deep breath.

She had no reason to be nervous. There was no reason to be nervous. It wasn’t the first time they’d hung out together, wasn’t even the first time it’d just been the two of them, without the rest of their friends. But this time… This time was different.

He appeared around the front of the truck. “I told you I’d come around to get your door.”

Reigning in the urge to roll her eyes, Nesta muttered, “Yeah, well, you were taking too long.”

He laughed, as he always did when he was clearly exasperated by her. She wondered if somewhere, deep down inside, Cassian secretly wanted to throttle her instead of being amused by her annoyance. She wouldn’t be surprised if he did.

“Most girls—” With one look shot in his direction, Cassian stopped speaking and cleared his throat. “Like corn mazes,” he finished, even though she knew damn well that wasn’t what he was going to say. “Do you?”

Nesta shrugged. “I don’t think anyone really enjoys corn mazes. We all just do them because it’s a tradition.”

“Glad to see you’re excited,” he muttered and shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked toward the ticket booth. “I hope you don’t get scared too easily. They say this is the scariest maze in the county.”

Nesta glanced at the setting sun, barely still in existence. She gave it fifteen minutes before they were in complete darkness. “Do I seem like someone who gets scared easily?”

They reached the front of the line, which saved Cassian from having to answer the loaded question and headed for where the festivities would be starting as soon as the sun fully set behind Ramiel in the distance.

“So,” Nesta began as she looked around at the stands and vendors around them. “I believe the stipulations were one dinner and one trip through the corn maze.”

“And apple cider after the maze,” Cassian reminded her with a wink. The bet they’d made last week over whether Azriel or Elain would earn a higher score on their English lit midterm had won Cassian a date with Nesta, after over a year of rejections. He would make it count.

Nesta’s dramatic sigh was mostly for show as she said, “Right, how could I forget? Where do we start?”

“Dinner?” He asked, gesturing to the stalls they paused before.

Chili, soup, and roasted chicken legs; kettle corn, funnel cake, and, of course, hot cider. The options were limitless and as Nesta’s stomach rumbled hungrily, she realized her appetite was as well. “I could eat.”

After a quick discussion over what they each wanted and whether or not it would count as a date if they weren’t eating the same thing, Cassian led Nesta to an open picnic table, placing her bowl of hearty tomato soup in front of her as she sat down. Rather than taking the seat across from her, Cassian sat next to her, the heat of his thigh against hers as he took a bite out of the massive chicken leg he’d decided on.

He ate like an animal and Nesta hated to admit that she found it oddly attractive. 

Nonetheless, she said, “You eat like a barbarian.”

“I eat like a man,” he corrected and nodded towards her soup. “Are you going to pretend to sip that thing like a lady instead of devouring it like you want to?”

The word devour from his lips sent a chill down her spine. She’d read too much smut.  

And yes, yes she was.

Nesta took her sweet time sipping her soup, just to spite him. He was finished in less than a minute but he waited patiently for her once his food was long gone. 

Half an hour passed before Nesta’s bowl was empty and by that time, the moon and the stars were shining brightly in the night sky. Cassian took care of their garbage and clapped his hands together as Nesta stood from the picnic table.

“Ready?”

She sighed, even as a whirlwind of anxiety and excitement swelled in the pit of her stomach. “I guess I don’t have a choice, right?”

His grin was intoxicating as he said, “Not at all.”

They lined up behind a group of high school students, Cassian recognizing the green and silver of their letterman jackets from the next town over, and sat in companionable silence as the teenagers planned how they’d make their way through the maze. They discussed who would lead, who was too scared and would walk in the middle, and who would bring up the rear, making sure those people from the middle wouldn’t fall behind.

Before they knew it, the excited giggles of the group became shrieks and howls of laughter as they meandered deeper into the maze.

Then it was their turn.

“After you, Nes,” Cassian said, gesturing to the long walkway ahead of them. It faded into nothing but darkness and he swore he heard her swallow before she turned to him.

“I don’t think so. This was your idea, so you get to go in first.”

The attendant rolled his eyes and held an arm out toward the entrance. “I’ve got a line and you’re backing it up. You can go in together.”

Nesta opened her mouth to protest but Cassian took her by the hand and pulled her into the maze. Before she could even catch her breath, they were enveloped in corn stalks, the shrieks and screams of others radiating around them.

Nesta’s body grew taut, so much so that she hadn’t even realized that her hand was still in Cassian’s until they turned their first corner.

“So,” he began, and she could see his smirk in the outline of the starlight, “not scared, huh?”

“I swear to the Cauldron, I will leave right now if you don’t shut up.” The words rushed out of her. She took a deep breath, then another. “I’m not scared. I’m just—”

A guy dressed as a bloodied up zombie jumped out of the cornstalks and Nesta screamed.

But it was Cassian that jumped nearly a foot in the air, a long string of profanity tumbling from his mouth.

Nesta stared at him.

Cassian, chest heaving, stared back.

Then, despite herself, Nesta laughed.

With an exasperated sigh, Cassian took Nesta’s hand again and dragged her away from the still snarling zombie.

“Holding my hand a little tight there, aren’t you?” She asked, once they had moved farther into the maze. He could hear the smile on her face, but didn’t look at her as they surged forward. “Don’t worry, Cass, I’ll keep you safe.”

A twig snapped at their backs and Nesta whirled, turning to face the…empty path behind them. Her eyes darted around, searching despite not seeing anyone or anything there.

A terrified scream from somewhere deeper within the maze had Nesta gasping and clutching onto Cassian’s arm with her free hand.

“I could say the same for you,” he snapped, and cursed when the sound of a chainsaw began to rev from somewhere in the maze. “I’m having a blast.”

“Me too,” she hissed, grounding herself in the warmth of his body. She had never felt so annoyed and so safe at the same time. Maybe if she closed her eyes, this whole experience would be so much more enjoyable. 

Ignoring the fact that she was clinging to Cassian for dear life, Nesta continued to make her way through the maze, wishing she was literally anywhere else every time they came to a dead end.

They had just gotten away from a psycho in a hockey mask when Cassian said, “I have no clue how to get out of here.”

Nesta looked down the creepy pathways before them. “I don’t either. Isn’t there some trick to getting out of mazes?”

Snapping his fingers, Cassian took her hand and began pulling her down the path to the right. “Right turns only.”

The psycho in the hockey mask was waiting around the next turn with the rest of his team.

“Why do you even like this stuff?” Cassian demanded as they stopped to catch their breath, warily looking around at the corn stalks, waiting for someone to jump out at them.

“I don’t,” Nesta replied, peeking around the corner, cringing at whatever she saw. “I hate it.”

When there was no response, Nesta glanced over her shoulder, half-expecting him to be gone. Instead, she found him staring at her.

“What do you mean you hate it,” he asked, eyes on hers.

“I mean, I hate getting scared,” she snapped, looking back around the corner. “Slashers and horror movies are the extent of my interest in being scared.”

He muttered under his breath, “I’m going to kill them.”

With her brow furrowed, Nesta turned to find him shaking his head. “Who?”

“Feyre, but I’m sure it was Rhys’s idea, too.” He stepped up behind her, finally seeing the clown standing in the middle of the path and stepped back. “When I asked her for an idea of what you’d want to do, she said you’d love this. That you love haunted houses.”

Nesta tried her best not to gape but couldn’t help herself. “She said what?”

Cassian just shook his head, dragging Nesta past the creepy ass clown. 

“You don’t like this, either?” She asked, when he said nothing. Cassian just shook his head, and Nesta scoffed. “Wow.”

“Being scared pisses me off,” he admitted. “Which, your sister knows.”

A realization hit Nesta as they turned yet another corner: he hated being scared, but he brought her here anyway.

Because he thought she would love it. 

She hadn’t realized she was staring at him until a second clown popped out of the stalks and Cassian’s hand gripped onto hers so tightly that it hurt.

Nothing else was said until they reached the end of the maze, just a few minutes later. There were no other big scares, nothing else to take any additional years off of Cassian’s life and he wished his sigh of relief when they finally walked out into the open air of the festival wasn’t as loud as it was. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, beyond thankful that the entire ordeal was over and he’d made it out alive.

“Alright,” he said, exhaling one last time and looking towards the stalls. He’d seen someone selling hot cider when they’d first gotten here. “I could go for some cider. Honestly, I’m down for something stronger, if you are, but—”

A tug on his hand had him leaning down and then a warm kiss was pressed to his cheek.

For a moment, he stilled, thinking what had happened hadn’t just happened, but when he met her gaze, she almost looked as surprised as he was. Her eyes were wide and hesitant, glancing hectically between his eyes and his mouth. Cassian swallowed, scared to say or do anything to break whatever the hell was going on here. 

“Thank you,” she said, quietly but firmly, eyes locked on his. 

“For what?” he asked, blinking. “You were miserable.”

“So were you,” she agreed, and shook her head. “So, thank you.”

“I wanted you to have a good time,” he admitted, brushing his fingers against hers. “I didn’t want you to regret having said yes.”

Her fingers grazed his again, but then she laced them together. “Technically, I didn’t have a choice, since I did lose a bet after all,” she said, voice taking on a teasing tone before dropping back into something softer as she smiled. “But I’m glad I came. I’m glad I said yes, Cassian.”

She glanced down at their joined hands, squeezing his fingers once before she met his gaze. His eyes were already on her and he couldn’t help but stare in awe at how beautiful she was.

Blushing, Nesta cleared her throat. “So. You owe me a drink.”

Cassian hesitated. “Cider? Or…”

“Something stronger may be nice.” Nesta breathed a laugh and Cassian couldn’t help but smile. “Something to take the edge off.”

Cassian couldn’t deny that. He could use the same thing, something to take the edge off. “There’s a bar two miles up the road. I think it’s a biker bar, but it seems… Well, I’ll keep you safe.”

Nesta raised a brow. “Maybe I’m the one to keep you safe.”

Cassian sighed. “You can’t ever just say okay, can you?”

Nesta pretended to think about it. “No.”

Yet, with a wicked smile, she dragged him by his hand to the parking lot - which was nothing more than a field marked off with rope - until they were at his truck. Still holding her hand, Cassian opened the passenger side door and helped Nesta up inside before rounding the truck and climbing up behind the wheel. 

The ride to the corn maze had been okay. Conversation had been awkward. Not bad, but a little forced. The ride to the bar was nothing like that. It was brief, but by the time Cassian put the truck in park and cut the engine, he had Nesta dabbing at her eyes as she laughed at a story he was telling her about a prank he and Azriel had pulled on Rhys when they were in high school.

“To this day, he can’t stand the smell of tartar sauce,” he said, shaking his head as unbuckled his seatbelt.

She did the same, laughter still shaking her shoulders. “I don’t blame him, I don’t think I can think of it the same way either.”

With a grin, he opened the door, hopping down and rounded the truck. When he opened her door, he offered her his hand. “You waited this time.”

Her cheeks darkened just a bit, but her eyes sparkled as she said, “Well, I wouldn’t have wanted to take your chance to be a gentleman away.”

“Again,” he added.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Again.”

After taking his hand, Nesta hopped down from the cab and he locked the truck behind them as they made their way inside the bar. It was pretty busy but they managed to find a little table tucked into the back. 

“What’re you drinking?” Cassian asked after Nesta plopped onto the bench.

Nesta lifted a brow. “Surprise me.”

Cassian chuckled. “You trust me that much?”

“We’re about to find out,” Nesta crooned.

Suddenly nervous, Cassian made his way to the bar and waited for the bartender to find her way towards him. He took the time to decide what drink best represented Nesta Archeron.

In the end, he returned to the table with two drinks and two shot glasses.

“What’d you get?” She asked, eyeing the drinks as she set them on the table.

“Jack and Coke,” he said, hovering his hand over the first. Then the second. “Vodka cranberry.” Then he slid one of the shot glasses in front of her and took the other himself. “And a shot of tequila for us both, in case you hate either of those.” 

Grinning, she looked back at the drinks. “And if I want the Jack?”

“Then it looks like I’ll be having a pink drink tonight.”

Rolling her eyes, Nesta nudged the Jack and Coke closer to him and took the other. “I like both, but this is my favorite.” She picked up the shot glass and held it out to him. “Cheers.”

Clinking his glass against hers, Cassian tossed it back, before placing it top down on the table. He did his best not to make a face, but found himself chasing his shot with his drink. Blowing out a brisk breath, he asked, “So am I to assume that haunted corn mazes aren’t a part of your yearly Halloween traditions?”

Nesta shook her head, leaning back in her seat. “Absolutely not. I’ve never even been to a haunted house. Feyre and Elain used to try and get me to take them in high school, before they could drive, but I’ve never liked it.”

“Me either.” He drummed his fingers on the table next to his drink. “Why would I want to pay someone to scare me shitless?”

With a laugh, Nesta agreed. “What about you? Anything you do for Halloween every year?”

“Pumpkin carving. Hands down.”

Nesta scrunched her nose.

Cassian blinked. “Do you have…an issue with pumpkin carving?”

“It’s so messy,” she said, sipping from her drink. “And I hate the feeling of all the guts between my fingers. No, thank you.”

Cassian shakes his head, eyes narrowed in her direction. “What kind of person hates pumpkins? Who hurt you?”

“I like pumpkins.” Nesta laughed. “I just like them intact.” 

“You’re missing out,” he said, and his toe nudged hers until the table and lingered. “Maybe you should give it another try. Maybe you’ve done it wrong.”

“You’re very passionate about carving pumpkins,” Nesta chuckled.

“I prefer calling it pumpkin art, but yes I am.”

Nesta laughed again and Cassian stared at her in awe. It was nice to see her laugh, smile, be happy instead of glaring daggers in his direction.

He looked away from her, his finger circling the rim of his glass. “You could come over, one night this week, if you wanted. We could carve a couple pumpkins. I’ll handle the guts, all you’d have to do is the fun part.”

Raising her eyebrows, Nesta asked, “And what exactly is the fun part? The stabbing?” 

“That and realizing that what you carved looks absolutely nothing like what you planned.”

With a snort, Nesta asked, “I thought you said it was pumpkin art?”

“I did,” he replied with a shrug, but the corner of his mouth was lifted up in a smirk. “But I never said it was good art.”

Tipping her head back, Nesta laughed. When she was done, she brought her glass to her lips and took a drink. “I’d love that.”

Cassian was almost shocked by her revelation. “Yeah?” She nodded but Cassian tried not to get his hopes up too much. “How about Wednesday?”

Nesta slowly set her glass back down. For a second, she hesitated, but then she said, “I can do Wednesday.”

Nearly dropping his glass, Cassian stared across the table. She was not only on a date with him now, but agreed to another in only a few days time. 

Either he was dreaming…or she was already drunk.

Maybe a bit of both. 

After a few more drinks, Cassian glanced at the clock over the bar and saw that it was pushing midnight. “We should probably go. You said you work at nine?”

With a groan, Nesta nodded. She worked at the library on campus and the librarian was not lenient about tardiness and attendance. “Bright and early.”

Drumming his fingers on the table, Cassian stood. “I’ll pay our tab and we can get out of here.”

By the time he returned, Nesta had finished her drink and was slipping her purse over her head.

His hand fell to the small of her back as they left, the crack of pool balls and droning of the jukebox in the corner fading as they walked out the front door.

As soon as they were outside, Nesta shivered. “It’s definitely fall,” she said, tucking her hands under her arms.

With a laugh, Cassian wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tucked her into his side, not letting himself second guess the move. “It’s almost like you should have worn that coat I mentioned when I picked you up.”

“I’d rather be cold than admit defeat,” she joked, but Cassian sensed there was a bit of truth to it, even as she leaned further into him. “Besides, you seem to like my lack of a coat.”

He did. “I wouldn’t like it if you were to die of hypothermia.”

Nesta snorted. “Once again, look who's being overdramatic.”

She let him open her door and help her into the truck, before it roared to life and he headed back into Velaris. On the ride back to her apartment, Nesta admitted she’d never been to a high school football game, much to Cassian’s dismay.

“What did you even do on Friday nights?” He demanded, glancing over at her as they stopped at a red light.

“Stayed in and read.” She said it like it should have been obvious, and honestly, it probably should have been.

“We’ll have to fix that, too,” Cassian said, just as the light turned green. “There’s nothing like being under those lights, the sounds of the game.”

Nesta lifted a brow. “There’s also nothing like curling up in bed with a good book.”

Cassian shook his head, amused. “You can’t tell me that reading is better than a real life experience.”

“Football is not a real life experience,” Nesta protested but that playfulness in her tone remained. “It’s a sport where people are either getting injured or praised way too much. Sometimes both.”

Cassian looked over to find her already watching him with the smallest of grins on her mouth. “So hateful.”

“I could say the same for you,” she crooned.

“Fine,” Cassian laughed. “You come with me to a game and I’ll read whatever book you give me.”

Eyebrows raising, Nesta asked, “Whatever book I give you? Any book of my choosing?”

“I already feel like I’m going to regret this, but yes.” Cassian pulled into the parking lot of Nesta’s building. “Any book of your choosing, as much or as little smut as you want.”

Nesta’s cheeks darkened. “I’ll start thinking then.”

He put the truck into park, looking over at her. “I can’t wait.”

The cab of the truck was silent, as her eyes met his. It felt quiet, intimate, safe. Softly, like speaking too loudly would shatter whatever was building between them, Nesta said, “I had fun tonight. Despite getting the shit scared out of me.”

“Me too,” Cassian agreed, hardly more than a whisper. “Can I walk you to your door?”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them moved.

The realization that Cassian had no idea what to do was daunting. He had never had trouble with women before but Nesta was a different breed. He’d waited years for this moment and now that it was here, he felt he was walking on glass and it would shatter beneath him at any given moment.

Nesta cleared her throat when the silence dragged on. “Should I get my door this time or…?”

That set Cassian in motion and by the time he rounded the truck and opened her door, she was doing her best — and failing — to hide her grin.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, taking her hand and helping her down.

Her laughter was quiet, but she didn’t let go of his hand as they headed up the stairs and to her door.

“So I’ll come over Wednesday?” She asked, and it was more than Cassian could have hoped for. He’d half expected her to change her mind, to pretend she forgot, and move on.

“Yes, I mean, yeah.” He was stumbling over his words and he cleared his throat. “I’ve got a bio chem lab that lets out at three, but I’m free anytime after that.”

“Then I’ll be there after three,” she said.

Cassian's hand tightened in hers as they stood on her doormat. “Sounds good.”

“Good.” With one last smile that had Cassian feeling weak, Nesta turned towards her door.

Before he could think twice, Cassian pulled on her hand and pulled her towards him until their mouths met, softly. He was still walking that line of caution even if caution was the last thing on his mind.

But she kissed him back, each touch sweet and gentle and nothing like he expected a kiss with her to be like, but far better.

He cupped her face, her lips soft and lush against his, and breathed in her scent before stepping back. The blush on her cheeks was beautiful, her eyes bright, and her breathing was shallow and quick. He wanted to kiss her again, something more than the quick meeting of their lips, but he forced himself to take another step back, to head towards his truck. “I’ll see you Wednesday,” he said, gaze locked on hers.

“Wednesday,” she repeated, voice soft, and unlocked her door. It opened with a creak and she stepped inside. “Goodnight, Cassian.”

The door closed and he was left staring at her autumn-themed wreath. So soft, there was no way she could have heard it, he breathed, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

[mariamuses]

Stuck

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre modern au

A/N: idk wtf this is, I got an idea and then it spiralled into something completely different and considered how I ended I might write a second part where they fuck it out of their system, just for the sake of it

Enjoy!:)

Word count: ~2300

"No. Nonono, fuck no. Not today, please!" She cried, running her fingers through her hair and pulling at the roots until it hurt. 

Elide groaned, shutting her eyes closed. 

She tried to draw a deeper breath in and when the tight skin dress didn't stretch enough for her to do so, Elide felt anxiety crest. 

"Fuck me," she whined, running to her living room, where the biggest mirror in her flat leaned against the wall. Maybe the problem was that she couldn't see properly and something was obstructing the way. 

Turning with her back to the glass, she started slapping at her back, trying to reach for the zipper. Once her fingers closer around the tiny chip of metal, Elide yanked the thing down. 

Nothing.

She closed her eyes in despair, breathing through her nose. When air got stuck in her throat again she blew it from her mouth. 

Her eyes started stinging. 

"Please, not today." 

She had had the longest day at work and she needed to get out of this dress, so she could decompress after the tiring shift. But no, she couldn't. Of course not. The universe hated her and she was cursed. 

And she was stuck. 

She tried again, slower, gentler. The zipper didn't even shift. 

Elide never really considered herself claustrophobic, she easily got into elevators and toilet stalls without windows. She never felt any kind of panic whenever she was in tiny, crowded spaces and such. 

But she was starting to doubt how much she truly knew herself at this point.

She clutched her neck with a hand, forcing herself to take small, slow breaths, trying to calm down and think of a solution. 

Before she knew what she was doing, she was out of her apartment and striding down to the only other one she was sure wasn't vacant. 

She couldn't waste any time checking which neighbor was home or not and the music coming from apartment E24 was proof enough someone was in there.

She reached the door in the blink of an eye and started slamming her palm against the flat wood surface, so hard that her skin tingled with pain.

"Fuck!" A clearly masculine voice came from inside, “The Police!”

“Shut up, Fenrys, it’s not the Police,” another male voice came through. Whoever it was, they were immensely calmer than the former speaker. 

“Fuck you, Ro, you can’t know!” 

Elide called out, “I’m not the Police, please open the door!” 

“You open it, Dorian." 

“Are you for real?” Another person. 

"You're closer to it—"

"It's your house."

"—and I'm scared."

"Hellas above, I'll get the door." 

Elide didn't have time to step back that the door unlocked and a second later a guy larger than life stood in front of her. 

She sagged, leaning forward. She couldn't help the relieved whisper that escaped her. "Thank gods." 

He opened his mouth to speak, but she was already turning her back to him.

"I'm fucking stuck and if you don't help me right now I might collapse." 

Dramatic much, she could hear her best friend's words in her head. 

"I've been trying to get out of this hellish trap for twenty minutes and I–" she paused, panting as if she'd just ran a marathon, "–I can't really breathe."

When her plea was met with silence she turned her head enough to look over her shoulder and she only then realized how tall the man standing there was. 

He towered over her, by two heads. 

He was staring at her with parted lips and a furrowed brow.

"I'm sorry what?" His voice was rough, scratchy in a way that made Elide blush.

She whined, not above crying in front of strangers if it came to it, "The dress, it won't come off, I need you to zip it down. Please."

A loud, barking laugh came from inside the apartment and then a chorus of various voices started.

"I can't believe this is happening."

"No one will believe us when we tell this story."

"Lucky bastard." 

"I can't believe it myself and I'm living through it." 

Elide ignored the others and focused on the giant guy, looking him straight in the eyes, "Listen I just need you to pull it down, I can't do it myself and I live alone, please I…"

"Okay," he murmured. He stepped forward, lifting his hands toward her dress. He looked at her back before his eyes flitted to hers, "Can I?" 

"Please," Elide repeated. 

She tensed when his fingers brushed her skin, and held her breath when he brought the hems of the dress together and tried to pull the zipper down. 

"It doesn't work," he stated.

"No shit, Sherlock," someone said from inside. "She literally told you that." 

Elide brought her hands to her face and groaned for what felt like the thousandth time that night.

When he stepped back, she turned and eyed the others—there were seven guys, plus the titan standing next to her, in total. They seemed to be in the middle of some kind of videogame tournament. Snacks and joysticks lay everywhere and they were all wearing some kind of comfy clothes.

She had to hold back her smile when she realized she'd walked in on a slumber party.

"Do any of you know how to fix zippers or am I destined to die in this?" 

"I heard using soap works, come inside." 

Elide's attention shifted back to the guy next to her. She had to bend her head back to look him in the face. 

He was wearing black pants and a black sweater, and he had his arms crossed over his chest. He was eyeing her curiously, as if he was studying her. Elide couldn't say she minded the attention.

He was pretty good on the eye, too. 

Another one of the guys shot up, "Sure, let the stranger in, it's not like this is my house."

"You're right, I'm so sorry," Elide looked back at the room. She stepped inside nonetheless, "I'm Elide. Lochan. I live in E27? I think we crossed paths a couple of times?" 

"Oh, maybe." The owner of the house came up to her, extending a hand and flashing her a shit-eating grin, "Fenrys, Moonbeam." 

"Nice to meet you, where do you keep the soap?"

He seemed taken aback for a second and slowly lowered his hand. A few surprised snorts sounded in the room. He pointed a finger down the corridor, "Bathroom."

Someone brushed past her, murmuring a curt come as they passed. 

She didn't have to be told twice and followed the Wardrobe-wide Guy into the flat. 

He moved around the bathroom like he owned the place, and Elide would probably be embarrassed later when she realized she'd literally just barged into someone's house and demanded their help, but she needed to get out of this dress and couldn't really think of anything else at the moment.

"Turn around." 

Elide did as told without a word.

She hissed as a few droplets of cold water slid down her back. 

"Sorry," he grumbled. The soft sound of the soap bar grating against the zipper was the only audible thing. And she was growing aware of her surroundings.

"What's your name?"

"Lorcan." 

"Cool," she cleared her throat. "Cool, cool."

He huffed a breath. His version of a laugh, perhaps?

She felt the dress being pulled down, but nothing unzipping, then he clicked his tongue. 

"It's not working, is it?"

"Nah," he said, putting the soap back and washing his hands. "I could try with some oil." 

Elide let go of a shuddering breath, she just wanted out of it.

When she said nothing, Lorcan rounded her and stood in front of her, glancing down at her face. His chin jutted out, "You okay?" 

She nodded swiftly, offering a tight smile.

Now that she knew someone else was taking care of the issue at hand, she was feeling calmer. And she could think more clearly. 

The guy in front of her was stunning. 

He had long, black hair that reached his waist. Eyes just as dark and a white, deep scar that ran from the side of his forehead down to his temple that appeared even paler in contrast with his dark skin. She wondered how he'd gotten it.

"Are you claustrophobic or some shit like that?" 

That question brought her back to reality and made her aware of the fact that he'd been watching her just as closely.

She shook her head, "I'm just exhausted and I want to sleep. But I can't sleep in this."

His lips curled on one side and after a few seconds where they just studied each other, he jerked his head toward the living room before silently heading back. 

She was on his heels in a heartbeat.

The moment they stepped into the full room, Elide dared looking at the crowd. She stopped in the hall when one of them talked.

"Lorbear, I see you're no good at undressing ladies in distress." 

Lorbear. This group was close.

Elide snorted, rolling her eyes back and then fixing her stare on the blue-eyed prince charming that sat on the only armchair. "You think you could do better?" 

A white-haired guy chuckled, addressing her directly. "Our Dorian here hasn't seen a single dress in his entire life, he wouldn't know where to start." 

She smiled knowingly, enjoying the distraction as much as the friendly banter between the boys.

"Do I need to remind you how you met your girlfriend, Rowan?" Dorian grinned back, lifting a foot to poke at the other's leg.

Rowan—she supposed—tensed and clenched his jaw, slapping Dorian's foot away, "Please, don't."

Elide's interest was piqued, so much so that she wanted to ask questions, but Lorcan's voice called for her from the kitchen.

She waved at the others, "Wish me good luck." 

A chorus of good luck rose from the couches.

"Sorry," she said as she sauntered in the small kitchen, "I got stopped."

Lorcan gestured at her to turn around, "Don't mind them, they're all jerks."

"I like them," she shrugged as she positioned in front of him. "Plus, you're the one hanging out with them, if you really thought that, I don't think you'd be here." 

His fingers slipped under the fabric on her back and something coarse scratched at her skin.

"It's paper, so you don't get oily," he warned. 

"Oh," she was surprised. By the small kind gesture, and by the reaction her body was having to the infinitely unimportant brush of his touch. "Thanks."

"No prob," he drawled, his voice traveling over the back of her neck.

Elide scrunched her nose. What was she doing?

"Would you mind leaning forward a bit for me, 'lide?" 

'Lide.

She was going to die. 

You're not, Manon's voice sounded amused in her head as she obeyed. 

They went through the process again, just for the zipper to not even budge.

He cleaned the metal, wiping it until it was dry enough that it wouldn't dirty her. 

She turned to face him again and he bent his head to the side, scratching his jaw.

"Can I cut it?"

A laugh bubbled up in her throat, "No, it's my work uniform, you can't cut it." 

He stared at her for the longest time, then went, "Are you wearing a bra?" 

What?

Someone laughed from the other room, "Smooth, Slavaterre. Really smooth." 

Lorcan huffed, running a hand down his face, "I was wondering if we could take it off from the head. You know, like a shirt."

Elide suddenly felt stupid. She blushed lightly and muttered, "I didn't think of it." 

"So?"

It was her turn to stare at him, in silence, contemplating her next move. 

The way his gaze didn't falter for half a second gave her a kind of confidence she rarely possesses these days.

She shook her head, "Yes, I am." 

"Do you think you can do it by yourself?"

She nodded.

Lorcan hummed, "I guess my part is done here, then." 

"I guess," she replied, never stepping back from the staring contest. 

When his eyes slid lower, slowly, to her mouth, she smirked. He mimicked her, and his tongue came out to wet his plump lip.

It wasn't her style, not really how she found hookups, but Lorcan was attractive and seemed to be really appreciative of whatever he was seeing in her. 

"What if," she added, speaking so softly that only he could hear her, "I get stuck?" 

Something glimmered in his eyes, and he took a step forward. The movement forced her head further back and when his hand lifted to play with the hem of her sleeve, her arms covered in goosebumps. 

"I could help with that," he rasped, caressing her shoulder. He ran a finger down her collarbone and Elide took a sharp breath in. 

Their eyes met again and she swallowed. 

"Then I'll make sure to call you, if it comes to that." 

Lorcan's lips curled again, tempting, "I would love that." 

Fenrys' scream came sharp as a needle, bursting their bubble of tension and longing. 

"Don't you dare make out in my kitchen!" 

Elide averted her gaze, pushing her tongue against her cheek to avoid laughing. She really liked these people.

Lorcan stepped back until a good two meters distanced them and then inhaled, extending a hand toward the living room. 

She walked out of the kitchen first, heading directly for the front door. 

She spared a long look at Lorcan, letting him see the sincerity behind her next words, "You know where to find me, Salvaterre, if you ever need company." 

She loved the taste of his name on her tongue.

He smirked, taking his stance next to the kitchen door. He nodded his head once, clearly letting her know he would take up on her words. 

She didn't even look at the rest of the guys as she said goodbye and left, closing the door behind her.

She was halfway down the corridor when shouts and cheers exploded from Fenrys' flat.

Oh, just how fast things had changed.

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[mariamuses]

GIRL WHEN DID YOU POST NUMBER TWO AND THREE AKDJAKDJSJDBSKDKSJD I AM SCREAMING

Sugar Daddy/Baby AU: A desperate man is forced to do desperate things. This time, it just might work in Rowan’s favour.

~ One // Two // Three // Four ~

#i want a sugar daddy too if hes like rowan

[mariamuses]

Always Been You

Nesta Archeron x Cassian, ~2.5k words

a/n: I saw a reel of a baby and this was born, it's trash but I love them, so enjoy!

"Sweetheart, do you know where my sweater is?! The black one?"

Cassian was rummaging through his wardrobe in desperate need of something heavy to wear in the frigid winter Velaris was hitting them with.

Nesta's robotic voice came from the speaker of his phone, hidden somewhere between his bed sheets. "Uh, might be here, actually."

Here, as in her place. On the other side of the city. More than half an hour from his flat.

He groaned, bending his head forward and halting his hunt.

"Care to tell me why yet another piece of clothing of mine is at yours?"

Nesta chuckled, rejoicing in his despair. He glared at the phone, thankful that his best friend couldn't see him and level him with an equally nasty look.

Her words came muffled this time, more distant, and Cassian knew he'd put him on speaker.

"Not my fault this time. You used it to wrap Little Miss Sunshine up," he couldn't help the smile at the nickname he used to call her daughter. "You claimed she was gonna be too cold on the oh so long way from your car to the door."

"Sounds like something I would do," he muttered to himself, a dopey grin on his lips still. He loved that little nug of happiness that was Nesta's daughter. He loved her as if she were his own.

He shook his head, focusing on the date ahead, and put on another sweater, of a light brown colour he despised, and shook out his duvet, fishing for the phone.

Turning off the speaker, he put it to his ear, "You think I could pass by after the pub?"

Nesta only hummed, seeming distracted.

A few beat of silence, "What is the girl's name again?"

Cassian clenched his jaw, pondering whether he should lie or not, and knowing full well that if he gave Nesta too much information she would stalk the poor lady till sunrise.

"Her name is Anne," he lied.

"Liar," she scoffed. Then she grunted, "Whatever, keep your secrets. But don't come crying to me when you'll find out she has a secret dark past as a pig slaughterer."

Cassian laughed, "You're so dramatic."

"And you love it." She couldn't even begin to understand just how true those words were. "Now leave me alone before you're late to the party."

Nesta didn't give him the time to say goodbye that she'd hung up.

***

Slamming the door and closing himself shut in his precious, silent car, Cassian finally got to open his texts app and check what Nesta had sent him mere minutes before.

The date hadn't gone terribly, but Lidia was not his type. And he wasn't hers.

That had been starkly clear after the first fifteen minutes they'd spent talking about a new friend of hers, a certain Ruhn that she'd been crushing on for a while now.

He was her type. He and him only.

She had apologised, and Cassian had laughed, confessing that he had been forced into this date by his brothers, who were so over seeing him brooding because he was single and they were married and with kids.

Their words, not his.

Because in reality, Cassian was happy.

He was happy waiting for his friend to notice he was there for her, when she decided she was gonna have him.

He was happy splitting his time between his own apartment and Nesta's, whenever Logan requested his presence. Which nowadays bordered on always.

Exactly why he wasn't surprised when, opening his thread with Nesta, he found a video of the little girl, now almost one year and a half old.

A weak smile blossomed on his face as he clicked on it.

Nesta was lying on her side, her right arm under Little Lo's head and the baby was looking up at the ceiling, probably staring at the bioluminescent stars he had glued there.

He didn't press play immediately, because the picture of his best friend's half face was too distracting.

Nesta wasn't even fully in the frame, but Cassian wasn't seeing anything else. Her lips were tugged on a corner, a half smile there as she cuddled with her daughter. Her nose glimmered with moisturizing cream, something he knew she put on every night before bed. Her eyes were hidden, out of the picture.

He could have killed, if it meant the promise of tracing his finger down the nape of her perfect nose, to her lips and chin. Of caressing her jaw, holding her face in his hands.

He would have killed to taste those lips, even once.

Taking a deep breath and pretending he wasn't unsettled by the mere thought of touching Nesta, he pressed play and his heart clenched in his chest.

"Da-da, dada, da-da-da-da," Logan was simply calling out for him, basically whispering in the quiet room, brushing her fingers on her lips. "Dadadadada, dada."

His eyes stung lightly and his pinched the tip of his nose, reigning in his emotions.

The little girl turned to the phone once she noticed her mom was recording her and the smile she gave him ended him. Lo yawned in the most cute and tiny way on video and Cassian's stomach tightened to the point of pain.

He loved her.

She smacked the phone from Nesta's hand, calling for her dada once again and everything went black for a few seconds.

The moment colours and pictures came back up, it was Nesta's face smiling at him, now sitting with a writhing Lo saying his name over and over again.

Nesta tilted her head to the side, avoiding being smacked in the face by the baby, "I need you to come here asap. This little beast won't go to bed unless she hears her favourite uncle's lullaby."

Uncle.

The video ended with an otherworldly screech from Logan and Cassian turned off the screen, throwing the phone on the seat, a weird kind of sorrow pulling at his heart.

Uncle.

Nesta had this bad habit of calling him uncle whenever Logan insisted on calling him dada, or dad, or any other way that pointed to the girl thinking he was her father.

And he couldn't be mad. Fuck, he couldn't do shit about it if not accepting the fact that that was the truth.

Logan wasn't his daughter and the only reason they had stopped trying to make her call him anything but dada was because of the meltdowns she had whenever they did.

She was definitely too little still to understand what they were saying, but she rejected the idea anyway. It was like trying to take her favourite toy away.

Putting the car in reverse, he drove out of the parking spot and on the road, hoping Lo would still be awake once he got to their house.

He tried to keep his thoughts at bay as much as he could, failing miserably.

Cassian wanted in on their life. Cassian wanted to be part of it, every morning he wanted to wake up next to them and love them the way they deserved all day long and at night he wanted to hold them tightly to him and fall asleep again. And do it all over again the next day.

For the rest of his life.

He didn't have a single dream or goal that topped this one.

And he was so tired to pretend anything else was more important to him.

***

He cupped the chubby rosy cheek with his palm, passing his thumb over her eyebrow over and over again, watching the way her tiny, tiny lips moved in her sleep, as if she was latching. Logan's little body twitched in his arms, and Cassian repositioned, hoping not to disturb her too much.

Her minuscule hand clutched his shirt and she rubbed her face in the niche of his elbow.

He lowered just enough to place a kiss on her forehead and the small sigh she released did something to him.

He was so focused on memorizing every little detail on her baby face—knowing perfectly well how fast she was growing—that he hadn't noticed Nesta standing just outside the nursery door.

"I'm happy she has you," she whispered.

Cassian didn't look up from Logan, too afraid of his own feelings, which were riding rampant in his mind tonight.

"I'm glad she..." Nesta paused, drew a deep breath and stepped inside. She sat next to him on the fluffy couch and pulled her legs up to her chest.

He hoped she didn't feel him tense when she leaned against him, her head on his shoulder as she put her hand on Logan's belly.

"I'm glad she can count on somebody else. That is not me."

Cassian paused his face massage, sliding his hand under Logan's head and moving so her neck wasn't straining. He fixed his gaze on the floor, not daring moving a muscle.

"Sometimes I think I'm fucking everything up by not actively looking for someone that would step up as her dad, but–"

Nesta moved again, pressing closer to him, moving her hand from Lo to his arm. He knew that if he looked at her, even if he just turned her way, he would kiss her.

When she spoke again, her voice was trembling slightly and Cassian's heart was threatening beating out of his chest.

"What I'm trying to say is, thank you. For being here for her."

He stayed silent, not knowing what to say. He just resumed tracing lines on Lo's cheekbones, something that never failed to soothe her before bed and that knocked her out almost immediately.

It was a long time before he found the courage to talk.

"Nesta, I–"

Or maybe not.

What if he fucked everything up?

What if he was reading her wrong, and all of this was just in his head?

"Yes, Cassian?" She whispered.

He took a shaking breath, closing his eyes, and said, "I don't wanna be her uncle."

The words were out now. And he couldn't seem to be able to stop them.

"And I don't want you to text me during a date that you can't get her to sleep because she needs me to sing to her. I don't wanna have to drive all the way down here every other day because you might need something from me. And it's frustrating when I'm at home and I wanna eat something, just to remember that I bought it for your place and not mine. And don't even get me started on my clothes. Half of my wardrobe is in this house, as far as I know."

Nesta retracted from him so fast that his head whipped her way. He missed her warmth on the spot.

She was looking at him like she'd hit her. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes were shiny, watering with unshed tears.

His throat closed, "Nes, what–"

"I'm sorry we're such a fucking problem to you," she hissed, doing a piss poor job at hiding the hurt.

Cassian's eyes widened with horror, "Problem? What are you talking about?"

She didn't give any sign she'd heard him, "If it's such a pain in your ass driving here just to make her happy, then don't. I annoy you with my texts, I'll stop texting, no big deal." She was heaving now, emotion and exhaustion from a long day taking over. "And you can get your food and your clothes and get the fuck out of here and never come back for all I care. But you could've told me sooner that we were such a bother to you, I'd have kept her from getting so attached."

Cassian was moving before he knew what he was doing.

One second he was on one side of the couch, looking baffled and confused for all the shit that she was spitting at him, the next he was on her, Logan's body close to his chest as he lunged for Nesta's lips.

He moved his hand to her hair, sliding his fingers to the back of her neck, pushing her towards him. He closed his eyes, savouring the plush touch of her mouth on his for the first time.

Taking in everything she was giving him.

Nesta didn't react immediately, but as soon as she realized what was happening she melted into the kiss, backing away slightly before going back for more.

Her hands went to his face, cradling his neck and bringing him impossibly closer to her, as much as she could without hurting her daughter, and Cassian soared.

They both lost track of time before they stopped, never going far. Nesta pushed her forehead against his, brushing her nose sweetly to his.

"Explain," she breathed out.

He chuckled, stunned, "I want her to call me dad, dada, daddy, whatever she prefers. I wanna be there for her, I'm happy to be there for her." He started, leaving a kiss on her lips.

Nesta turned her head sideways, keeping the contact with him, "Focus."

"I hate driving up here every day because I wish I didn't have to go back to my house. It's just another reminder that I'm a guest, someone that is temporarily here.

"I forget I bought food and brought it here because I eat basically all of my meals with you girls, and I want the entirety of my wardrobe to be in this home. I hate going back there. It's lonely. And I want to be here. All the time.

"I want this to be my permanent home. I want you to be my permanent home."

Nesta was keeping her eyes closed, but a tear was running down her cheek. He swiped it away with a thumb, and then passed his fingertip to her lips.

"Cassian," she said.

He kissed her again, a slow, full-of-love peck on her lips.

He inhaled, "I love you, Nesta, and there's literally no other place I'd rather be, than here with you and Logan."

She opened her eyes then and let him in, at last. She let him see the love there, the wanting and longing that had been eating at them both for years.

But they were done running.

"It's always been you," she said, running a soft hand down his cheek.

Cassian nodded, nuzzling her palm, "It's always been you."

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[mariamuses]

you bitch aldjakdjakdjLdjskdjsjdb

Set Up - Part 6

A/N: Well, well, well... here we are again. I won't ramble, but let's thank Rowaelin Month and @rowaelinscourt for prompting the completion of this chapter. BUT PLEASE NOTE TAGS ARE NOT WORKING

CW: Mild swearing and smut, of course

~ Set Up Masterlist ~

~~~~~

This time being apart felt different. Maybe seeing so much of each other had ruined what had been enjoying in such a carefree way for so long. Now, whenever Aelin thought of Rowan something twisted in her chest. That week brought them closer than they’d been in a long time and highlighted some things Aelin was missing in her life. 

A boyfriend was the simplest way to put it, delving further would only lead to questions Aelin did not want to answer. She was being dramatic, due to her recent bout of being alone no doubt. Spending all that time together had left her spoiled and craving more. Rowan wasn’t the answer and not a consolation for her loneliness. He deserved better than that, better than her. He’d always talked about wanting a perfect little life, with a family and white picket fence to boot. Aelin couldn’t give him that. Their lives had split down two different paths that only crossed whenever fate was kind. For all parties involved it was the best way to leave. It was just fortunate that they had been found out. 

Aelin had spent nearly a month screening her calls and messages from nearly everyone outside of work. Even though she had explicitly told her mother she didn’t want to talk about the situation between her and Rowan, Evalin Ashryver Galathynius was never one to give up. The innocent calls and texts that asked about work and how Aelin was doing always seemed to take a turn in his direction. It had got to the point that she just completely ignored any mention of relationship related things. Even her dad who tended to keep neutral ground had dropped a few hints here and there. 

By far Aedion was the worst, mainly because he had gone and opened his fat mouth and blabbed to Lysandra about what he had seen. Her best friend turned cousin’s girlfriend had been begging for details, some of the obscene kind. Aelin had given over a few, just to placate her but then refused anymore. The more information she gave, the more likely it was to be used against her. 

The hardest contact to filter through had been Rowan’s. There had been an obvious shift when it came to him and it was confusing to say the least. Aelin didn’t know if it was because they had been found out or if there had been a change in their dynamic, or if it was as simple as her missing him. Whatever it was, Aelin found herself pulling away. Rowan’s texts weren’t anything out of the ordinary. He sent through casual enquiries about how she was doing, frustrations about work and funny pictures to make her laugh. Aelin wasn’t replying as much as she usually did, but hopefully Rowan didn’t notice. He didn’t deserve to suffer for whatever was going on in Aelin’s head. 

What had heightened every uncomfortable aspect was that work had been godsdamned awful. They had launched into planning the peak event season and everyone was working their asses off trying to come up with fresh ideas for the companies who employed them. Aelin was exhausted and left with very little brain power once she left work. She was drained and didn’t need work fraying the remaining threads of her personal life. 

Aelin was in the middle of decompressing, sprawled out on her bed and eating an unhealthy amount of chocolate. Since arriving home maybe half an hour ago she had steadily paced herself and only eaten half a block while she mindlessly scrolled through videos on social media. If cute animals and spicy book snippets hadn’t been there to distract her she might have downed the entire thing by now and felt sick for her reckless efforts. When a call for a video chat flashed up on her screen Aelin nearly dropped her phone right on her face. 

Once the risk of injury was removed Aelin registered who was calling. It was Elide, someone who wouldn’t be full of prying questions which was a welcome relief. Aelin hit the accept button before it rang out.

“Hello, hello,” Aelin said, trying to sound cheerful but it didn’t quite get there. 

“Good evening, I need your help.” Trust Elide to cut straight to the point. 

“With what?” With her interest piqued, Aelin sat up.

“I have a date and I don’t know what to wear,” Elide said. 

“Ah, okay. Show me your options.”

This was a common occurrence and Aelin waited as Elide set her phone up to get a full body angle. She disappeared from the frame for a moment before returning, dressed in a fluffy robe and holding three outfits on coat hangers. 

“Option one,” Elide held up a knee length, dark purple dress to her body. “Two.” The second dress was all black and form fitting. It was one of Elide’s riskier outfits and she almost hadn’t bought it, and it took both Aelin and Lysandra insisting she looked drop dead gorgeous in it for her to buy it. “And three.” Dress three was in light blue with a fitted bodice and puffy sleeves.

“Okay, these are three completely different vibes. What are we actually going for?” Aelin asked.

With a heavy sigh, Elide sank onto her bed. “I don’t know.”

She tried the pragmatic approach. “Well, what are you doing?”

“Dinner first, and then we’re going to the movies. But the fancy ones with the recliners,” Elide explained. 

“Option two is out because half the night he won’t even be able to see it and it’s a waste of an outfit,” Aelin said.

“But I look so good in it,” Elide protested.

“Yes, that’s why it’s worth saving,” Aelin rebutted. 

“Okay, you’re right. So, purple or blue?” Elide held up the remaining options. 

Aelin thought for a moment, eyes darting between the two dresses. “Purple. The blue is a little short and you don't want that scratchy fabric on your thighs.”

“Gods, you’re right,” Elide said. “This is why we’re friends.”

Aelin laughed. “The only reason. So, who is this hot date?”

At this distance from the camera it was hard to tell but Aelin could have sworn Elide blushed. “We’ll see how this date goes and then I’ll tell you.”

“Elide Lochan, a woman of mystery,” Aelin teased. 

“Stay on while I get dressed,” Elide said, disappearing from view. “We haven’t caught up in a hot minute.”

“We haven’t.” The air left Aelin’s lungs as she heavily flopped down on the bed. “I’ve been so busy with work and stuff I just feel like I have no time.”

“Aw, sweetie. That sounds like no fun at all,” Elide’s voice was full of sympathy. 

Aelin left out the constant badgering of her family and the extra weight that was adding to everything, and also the weird sense of loneliness she hadn’t felt since she had first moved to Rifthold. Those were things she didn’t want her overly perceptive friend’s commentary on. 

“You’ll have to have enough fun for the two of us,” Aelin said. She was about to complain about work some more when a message popped up at the top of her screen. Her heart skipped, or maybe it was her stomach, it happened so suddenly Aelin couldn’t determine which part of her body was doing summersaults. The text was short and succinct, and so perfectly Rowan. 

>> I’m coming to Rifthold this weekend. See you then. 

He would be in her city, in less than 48 hours. Like always, there was no question of whether or not they would see each other. They had been at this for so long it was presumed without question for them to meet up and do what they did best. A text like this usually led to excitement and thrilling anticipation, and that was there. Except this time there was a little bit of trepidation sneaking in as well. 

“What’s that face?” Elide’s question cut through Aelin’s thoughts. 

“Huh?” 

Elide’s face took up the screen, a dark brow raised in question. “The face you’re making right now. What’s that about?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Aelin tried to assure her.

“Spill, Aelin,” Eldie demanded. 

Aelin considered the benefits of divulging just a little bit to Elide. It might just relieve a little bit of pressure that keeping all this to herself was building up. She didn’t have to admit to what she and Rowan got up to, maybe she could just circle around the set up they’d been subjected to. 

“I just got a message from Rowan,” Aelin said. “He’s coming this weekend.”

“Oh, good,” Elide sounded downright gleeful. “Maybe getting laid will help with some stress relief.”

Aelin laughed until she realised what her friend had said. “What?”

“Work won’t seem like the worst thing in the world while Rowan is blowing—’’

Aelin shot straight up. “Wait, you know? How? Who told you?” 

Dark eyes stared through the screen. “You’re not as subtle as you think you are. No one told, I just found it really weird that at the bar Rowan came back from the bathrooms with a massive hard-on and you followed after him two seconds later.”

“I…” for a moment Aelin was at a loss for words. “You couldn’t have seen that.”

“True,” Elide said with a shrug. “But his face certainly looked like he had one.”

Aelin wanted to bury her face in her pillow. “Who else noticed?”

“Our friends, bar myself, are not as observant as you’re giving them credit for,” Elide assured her. “I was going to wait for you to tell me, but I jumped the gun because that look on your face doesn’t look like pure excitement.”

“It’s complicated,” Aelin admitted.  

Elide scoffed. “Yeah, banging your best friend usually is.”

“It was all fine and dandy until this last trip, we saw each other way more than we usually do and our mothers very insistently tried to set us up on more than one occasion. So things were different, and I don’t know… I think I miss him. More than any other time before.”

That was it, she missed him, that’s all there was to it. Saying it aloud solidified the thought in her mind. The hesitation came from the fact this visit was happening so soon. Usually it was months before they saw each other, their travelling for work between cities wasn't frequent. Too much time together on this last trip was to blame for everything. There were too many heightened emotions and now they were lingering and causing trouble. Why couldn’t they just keep things as they were? Simple, easy, no pesky strings attached. 

“So…” Elide hedged, “you’ll be telling him no this time?”

Aelin considered it for a moment. She could just say she already had plans because it was so last minute. That would give her the distance that she probably needed to start thinking clearly again. But with Rowan in the same city, could she really bring herself to stay away?

“No, I’ll see him,” Aelin decided. “It would be weird if I didn’t. And you’re right, maybe a little bit of recreational sexual activities will help with the stress.”

“And you’ll stop missing him,” Elide added. “For the time being, at least.”

Aelin nodded. “True. Well, I won’t keep you from your date any longer, but I want you to know I’m slightly insulted that you won’t tell me who it is.”

“You’ll get over it. I love you,” Elide said in that brutally succinct way of hers.

“I love you too,” Aelin said through her laughter. “Have fun.”

They both said a final goodbye and Aelin hung up. A new feeling of clarity settled over her. All this turmoil over Rowan was pointless. All it really came down to was that during their last set of rendezvous Aelin had been spoiled for company and now she was just dealing with going without. She was overreacting and she blamed work and meddlesome relatives not giving her a moment’s peace. Work she couldn’t do much about besides just getting it done. But she’d be having words with her mother about how butting into her love life was well and truly off the table. Especially if it was going to do a number on brain like this, not if it was going to ruin the friendship she valued most. What she and Rowan had was perfect the way it was—it was exactly what the two of them needed. It was up to Aelin to ignore everything else to keep it that way. 

~~~~~

Rowan was a desperate man. He had hounded his boss from the moment Aelin left for some opportunity to be sent to Rifthold. He was knocked back so many times that he’d been trawling through commissions himself to find just the slightest excuse. When he got the call that one of the museums in Rifthold they worked with needed a consult Rowan was thrown the job out of pity. Or maybe it was to get him to shut up.

In the end, Rowan couldn’t care less. He was going Orynth, and he was so caught up on the fact that he would be seeing Aelin again that work hardly mattered to him. Aelin was all he cared about. Telling her how he felt was more important than an upgrade to the mediaeval wing of the museum. 

Nearly every night since she’d left he had to talk himself down from booking his own ticket and flying out. That wasn’t the way they did things and Rowan had no idea what Aelin felt. if he showed up out of the blue there was a decent chance he would scare her or himself off. As tempted as he was to make some big grand gesture, there was too much history between them for that kind of action. There were obstacles and things they would need to sort out before they moved forward, none of which would be easily overcome. Their situation was complicated, and complicated required caution. Rowan had to convince himself more than once that keeping it business as usual was the best choice.

All those semi sleepless nights didn’t matter now, because at this very moment he was checking into his hotel room. It was late Friday evening, the trip was so sudden that he had to leave after work. Rowan would spend Saturday meeting with whoever it was at the museum he needed and then he would be able to see Aelin. His lack of focus was a serious indicator for how flippant he’d become over this particular job. Any other time he’d have the client’s names memorised, would have gone over his notes and designs a hundred times. Instead he’d spent most of his time looking at his phone waiting to see what Aelin had to say. 

She’d agreed to meet up but had let him know that work had been insane and things might be a little up in the air. Rowan didn’t mind in the slightest. All that mattered was talking to Aelin and he was determined that this would be the trip to do it. There was no more wasted time, he was in love with her and it was as simple as that.  

The daylight hours of Saturday were all but meaningless. Rowan managed to keep himself professional for when he needed to and presented his plans without flourish. After that he returned to his room and became no better than a teenager—phone in hand and eyes glued to it. He tried not to get too disappointed every time that Aelin pushed back their meet up time to a little later. At first they were meant to meet before dinner, and then it was for dinner. Rowan was about to leave for the restaurant when a text came in with a heartfelt apology from Aelin saying that she wouldn’t make it. His heart had stopped in his chest because he thought she was cancelling altogether, but she finished off with a promise she’d come to him and to just send her the address. 

Rowan had done exactly that and ordered in. He tried to watch TV while he waited. The channels were limited and he couldn’t be bothered to go through the whole process of logging into a streaming service, so he just let a renovation show play while he ran through everything he needed to say to Aelin. He debated back and forth over the merits of starting with I love you and going from there. This current round he was against it, a case of too much too soon. There was still the unanswered question of how Aelin felt and that was what the axis of his entire future existence spun on. 

And then finally there was a knock on his door.

Launching would be the best way to describe Rowan’s departure from the bed. It was a single room accommodation, with a bed, desk and small attached bathroom, so it was only a matter of seconds until he had his hand on the door handle. Rowan took in one deep breath to ready himself, swinging the door open and he found her.

Aelin stood there, a tired smile on her face and still dressed in her work clothes. She had a large bag over her shoulder that most likely contained clothes for the night. As Rowan looked at her now, taking in every inch of her, he wondered how he had been able to suppress his feelings for so long.

“You gonna let me in, hotshot?” Aelin asked, a hand rising to her hip. “Or am I booking my own room?”

“Yeah, sorry.” Rowan stepped aside, hoping he didn’t come across as awkward as he suddenly felt.

Aelin gave him a look like she might be questioning his sanity before walking into his room. Rowan shut the door behind her and withheld the need to hold her—to kiss her senseless and confess every little thing that had built up over these weeks apart. She stopped by the little table, picking at his leftover pizza. 

“Do you mind if I use your shower? I feel a little gross after such a long day,” Aelin said, chewing over a piece of pepperoni.

“Of course,” Rowan said, gesturing at the bathroom door. 

Aelin disappeared a moment later and once again Rowan had to wait. The buzz of the shower added to the sounds of the TV, and he didn’t bother to change the volume. He didn’t care about the clashing wallpaper or bedding choices. Rowan just lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling fan. Last time he’d seen one of these in a hotel room his pants had ended hanging over it. He didn’t know whether he should be hoping for a repeat performance or not. 

The shower shut off and Rowan’s body thrummed with anticipation. Soon enough Aelin would be here, in his arms, and he could admit to how he felt. They could talk and they would figure out some way to make their situation work. The door creaked open after what seemed like a lifetime and Rowan sat up. Aelin stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in an oversized t-shirt with her damp hair loose around her shoulders. She’d washed off all her make-up, but she wasn’t any less beautiful.

“Work has been the worst,” Aelin nearly groaned, heading to the minibar and pulling out a bottle of beer. “I know this will cost you like $50 so I’ll pay you back.”

“It’s fine,” Rowan said, he’d give her just about anything right now if she asked for it. 

Aelin took a few decent mouthfuls then left it on the table along with the pizza. Then she stalked over to him, stopping right in between his knees. Her hands rested on his shoulders, fingers playing with the ends of his hair. 

“Aelin,” it felt so good to just say her name, to see her face soften just the slightest when he did. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Rowan’s breath caught as Aelin brought her body flush against his. The fingers in his hair tightened, angling his face upwards so he could watch her whisper, “I don’t want to talk.”

She kissed him and Rowan could never deny her. After what must have been a hellish day this is what Aelin needed from him. To be touched and made to forget about the world outside this hotel room. Rowan could give her that—gladly. And he just told himself the same thing he’d been repeating over the last few weeks. He could wait a little longer. 

~~~~

Rowan’s lips were soft as they met her’s, and Aelin sighed at the feeling that swept through her body. His hands were a steadying and familiar weight on her waist. Sometimes it was a shock as to how big they were, it took her a moment to remember just how much of her they could touch at once. Those hands that were always gentle, always making her feel cherished in every caress, that was no different as he pulled her down into his lap. Aelin straddled his hips, thighs tightening as she felt him through his sweatpants. It was flattering that only a few kisses and fleeting touches were all it took for him to be so hard and ready for her. She was almost impatient enough to tug his sweatpants down to free his cock, riding him hard and fast. But then it would be over too soon and Aelin might just be too tired for another round. So, instead she’d let him draw this out like he’d like to do to make every moment count. 

This was exactly what she needed, a wonderful, all consuming distraction.

She whimpered as Rowan’s grip flexed on her waist, and then again when his hands travelled lower. In her overnight bag in the bathroom there was a nice little set she had planned on wearing but after a long soothing shower the idea was just too uncomfortable. So she’d gone without and as Rowan’s fingers dipped under the hem of her t-shirt he was about to discover how little she actually wore.

“Aelin,” he groaned as the pass over her hips revealed no trace of underwear. “You’re… I’ll never be able to explain it.”

He was rambling, and that was sweet, flattering even. But it wasn't nearly enough by a long shot. Aelin ground down on the hard length of him, using actions rather than words to beg for what she needed. Rowan got the hint. Holding her thighs he changed their positions, laying her softly down on the bed. They worked in sync, taking turns to remove each other’s clothes. Aelin ran her hands over exposed and heated skin, tracing over dips and curves she had memorised so many times before. 

“Touch me, Rowan,” Aelin said in between kisses.

Rowan didn’t answer, he only pushed up enough so that he could run a hand down her body right to the middle of her thighs. Aelin gasped as he teased her with sweeping passes of a knuckle over her centre, making her buck and writhe until his thumb pressed down on her clit. Her moan was next to nothing with Rowan’s mouth on her’s, only muffled and needy sounds escaped as they were smothered by kisses.  

Their first round after being apart was always frenzied, desperation dictating their actions. Aelin expected the same, but this wasn’t. Rowan was slow and thorough, with his lips and his fingers—it was a delicious kind of torture. One finger, and then a second, slipped into her while his thumb drew unhurried circles around her clit. Heat flooded Aelin’s cheeks as her body reacted to the touches that were both too much and not enough. He was keeping her right on the edge, waves of pleasure cresting but never breaking. 

When he did it again, her body tensed as it prepared to let go and Rowan stole it away, had Aelin nearly sobbed out of frustration. “Please, Rowan.”

Rowan kissed her lips, tongue sweeping into her mouth for a dirty kiss. “Please what, Aelin?”

There was a hint of sass to his voice, and by the gods did Aelin rise to the challenge. She hooked a knee over his hip, urging him down so their bodies were flush. When she returned the favour of a kiss she made sure to bite at his bottom lip. “Fuck me, Rowan.”

He didn’t need much more convincing than that. Moving his hand and with a subtle shift of his hips Rowan pushed in, taking his time. Aelin’s hips rolled, coaxing him deeper.

“You feel so perfect.” Rowan sounded relieved and a little overwhelmed. “Every time.”

He cursed colourfully as he pressed his face into the crook of her neck. Aelin couldn’t help it, she laughed, her reward was a bite—right where the juncture of her shoulder and neck. It had her moaning and arching into him. Rowan knew exactly where her buttons were and now she was panting with desperation for him to do something. Anything. 

Rowan didn’t make her wait, a hand high on her thigh kept her in place as he began thrusting. The angle of his cock was perfect, as it always was, and it led Aelin right into her greatest wish of the night. A beautiful distraction. Everything was Rowan, she was consumed by him. Their bodies moved synchronically, both wanting to give as much as the other. A hand that was not her own found Aelin’s breast, fingers rolling the hardened peak. 

“That’s it,” Rowan whispered into her ear, the softness of his voice raising goosebumps over her skin and heightening every sensation. “You want to come. You deserve it.”

That little bit of encouragement was all she needed. Aelin broke, pleasure overtaking every sense in her body. Rowan pressed soft kisses to the length on her neck and face. His hips kept moving, drawing out her orgasm as long as he could. After a few long, bliss filled moments Aelin’s awareness returned to her. 

“So beautiful,” Rowan all but hummed as his gaze swept over her, his next thrust sharper. 

She could feel that Rowan was close, so she guided his face back to her and kissed him. Rowan groaned, losing his rhythm but it still felt just as good, so much so Aelin could feel herself building up again. He pulled back enough to look at her face. Their eyes connected, Rowan’s green gaze holding an intensity that had Aelin flushing with something closer to embarrassment than desire. The eye contact—it was too much. There was something there she hadn’t seen before. Her brain was far too distracted to decipher it so she went with the easiest option to cope. 

“Gods, Rowan,” Aelin breathed, eyes fluttering shut, refocusing on how he felt on every inch of her skin.

“Open your eyes, love,” Rowan urged. He gave her a sweet kiss for extra encouragement. 

So caught up in him, Aelin couldn’t help but do as he asked. What she saw when she looked up at him had her heart pounding in her chest, a new wave of need crashing over her. It tipped her over the edge again, her body tightening before her core pulsed, bringing Rowan right along with her. He moaned deeply, the vibrations of it thrumming over her sensitive skin. Aelin clung to Rowan, waiting for her breathing to even out and sense to settle in her brain. She didn’t think she’d ever tire of sex with Rowan, nothing else even came close.

He had his forehead resting on her collarbone, just as wrecked as she was. Lips dragged over her skin and his next words were whispered right over her heart. “I love you,”

Aelin’s breath caught and those words registered in her blissed out brain, sobering her instantly. But it seemed Rowan hadn’t even noticed what he said, he just rolled to the side, letting Aelin escape to the bathroom. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she felt it in her throat, making her want to vomit. Aelin held back the impulse and cleaned up as quickly as she could. Diving into the overnight bag she had conveniently left in here after the shower Aelin pulled out clothes to put on. It was just an oversized sweater and leggings, but it would be enough to get her to her car.

Because she couldn’t stay here, not now that Rowan had gone and ruined everything. The easiest option was for her to leave, and quickly. If she stayed there might not be anything left of their relationship to salvage. Missing him was one thing, and then there was this. 

This was not what they were, they couldn’t be. It didn’t make sense. Why did Rowan have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing?

I love you.

Those three words echoed in her brain and did nothing to console her. Rowan couldn’t love her, she wasn’t what he needed or wanted. Not really. If he had the sense to really consider it he would know this wasn’t the right course for them. Aelin would give him the opportunity to do just that. She packed up the rest of her bag, so all she had to do was grab her purse and shoes and leave. 

Swallowing down against the tightness in her throat, Aelin opened the door and swept out with the shortest of glances in Rowan’s direction. He was splayed out on the bed looking like he was still recovering after the mind blowing sex. Aelin’s stomach gave a pang of regret when she realised this would be the last time. It would be cruel to put Rowan through any more of this when she didn’t feel the same. 

Aelin gathering up her things seemed to shake him from his daze and he raised himself up on his elbow. “What are you doing?”

She snatched up her purse and stepped around the table. “Leaving.”

“Why…” Rowan trailed off, then realisation dawned on him. “Aelin, wait. Don’t go, let me explain.”

“There’s no need,” Aelin said, slipping a foot into her kitten heel. Rowan went to get out of bed but she stopped him with a raised hand. “Don’t. Just stay there.”

Gods bless him, he did. She could always count on Rowan to respect boundaries.

“Stay, and we’ll talk,” Rowan nearly pleaded. 

“We’re friends, Rowan,” Aelin said, forcing every ounce of bravado into as she could. She even added a strained note of laughter. “That’s all we are and can be.”

“Friends don’t do this.”

Aelin’s head snapped up, it was all too easy to read the look of hurt and disappointment on his face. It wasn’t clear if he was talking about her behaviour in this moment or the casual fucking that they’d indulged in over the years, ending in the subsequent drama that had entangled them. Any way they looked at it, Aelin wasn’t staying for the clarification. She just slipped on the other shoe. 

“I’m going,” she said, rushing for the door. 

“Aelin—”

A glance over her shoulder told her he was making his move to get out of bed, denying her order to stay where he was. But it was too late—her hand was on the door knob. 

“Goodbye, Rowan.” 

Aelin twisted the handle, ignoring the rush of movement behind her and stepped out in the hallway. She thought it would be harder to not look back, but with every step he took away from that hotel room it only bolstered her resolve. They were better off like this, it was now up to Rowan to realise it. 

~~~~~

*smiling in delight but also I'm sorry*

#why WHY #i had to read on ao3 bc i didn’t get a notification here #thE HURT #there’s a back on your knife miss

[mariamuses]

gIRL 😂😂😂

ROWAELIN MONTH: DAY TWO

~ Accidents Happen ~

Welcome to the new au spawned by Rowaelin month brought to you by @rowaelinscourt. This started as a completely harebrained idea and then I thought about it some more and then couldn't stop laughing and knew I had to write it. This fic will get a few other updates throughout the month and I really hope you enjoy it.

~~~~~

Rowan had been carrying a secret around, for weeks it had been weighing on him. It was the kind that he wanted to share, but he didn’t exactly know how to. It was awkward and embarrassing and he didn’t know how to explain himself. On the flip side of the coin it was also exciting, thrilling and mildly terrifying. Being in love usually was.

The beer in front of him was meant to give him courage, and maybe it would if he could bring himself to drink more than a sip. His friends had arrived a few minutes ago and were in the process of getting their own drinks. One by one they all purchased their beverage of choice and were making their way back to the table Rowan was able to secure by arriving 15 minutes early. Lorcan led the way through the warren of tables, his huge form nearly blocking out everyone who followed behind. With their impending approach Rowan bolsted his resolve, and downed half his beer in one go. 

Then he counted, one, two, three, four, as each of his friends took their seats, the methodical thinking keeping him focused on his own tasks. The four other men were chatting about something, but with the speech Rowan was trying to form in his head he didn’t hear a thing. It wasn’t until Connal said his name that Rowan broke out of his inward trance with a shake of his head. 

“What was that?”

“I was asking how you’ve been,” Connall clarified. 

“Oh… yeah, great,” Rowan replied without enthusiasm. 

Fenrys snorted. “And you were the one who was so insistent that we meet up.”

“Maybe he just missed us,” Vaughan said. “He’s apparently been so busy that he can never ever meet up when any of us ask to do anything.”

“With what, is the question,” Lorcan added into the rim of his glass.

They were ganging up on him, they knew something was up. Rowan was cornered. He might as well get it over and done with—put an end to his delightful misery. 

“I accidentally became a sugar daddy but I’m actually in love with her.”

Stunned silence was all that he was met with for a long while. 

Eventually it was Lorcan who spoke. “You what?”

Then Fenrys started laughing and he couldn’t stop. When Rowan could bring himself to look up from his glass the expressions that he saw ranged from open shock to thinly veiled amusement, except for Lorcan who was looking at Rowan like he had lost his mind. 

“Wait, wait,” Fenrys said through incessant giggles. “Are you being serious? How did you manage that?”

Rowan sighed, took another mouthful of beer and swallowed. “Let me explain.”

~~~~~

Being the last one in the office was not uncommon for Rowan. Most often than not he found himself alone on the dark and quiet floor of this office building, putting in more hours than he was paid for. He didn’t win his cases by slacking off or doing the bare minimum. He didn’t gain the reputation of the best and most ruthless corporate lawyer in the city by doing what was required of him. No, he got that by going above and beyond to make sure he, and his company by a necessary extension, flourished. 

It cost him though. Rowan had next to no social life except for his friends that seemed to hang on no matter what. Other than that the only people he saw were his colleagues in the office. His mother was always on his case about romantic involvements, citing that she wasn’t getting any younger and she would like to see at least one grandchild before she died. Rowan told her that reminding him of her mortality was a low blow, she reminded him he worked as a lawyer so he would know all about unethical ways to get what you wanted. He reminded her that he wasn’t one of those kinds of lawyers, her response was always so non-commital. 

Feeling a tightness between his shoulder blades had Rowan straightening from the hunch he’d been holding over his desk. His spine cracked, a timely reminder of his own that the number attached to his age was steadily rising too. Maybe his mother had a point.

Thirty two wasn’t exactly old, but he wasn’t getting any younger. An outstanding career wasn’t the only thing that he wanted from life. He wanted a family of his own and sitting in an office night after night certainly wasn’t the way to get what he desired.  

Rowan’s phone lit up on the desk, and he expected the notification to be some email or text with vital case information. It was neither. Instead it was a calendar alert. 

Charity Gala Saturday 7:30. BRING A DATE.

“Oh, shit,” Rowan said, rubbing a hand over his tired face. 

The gala has been sitting in the back of his mind for weeks, but there had been more pressing things keeping him occupied. Finding a date for that had been the furthest thing from his mind. His firm was trying to land Forest Fae Toys and Games and they wanted him to appear more family friendly. Apparently his icy notoriety needed thawing and having a certain kind of friend on his arm was the key to that. 

Rowan didn’t have any female friends worth asking, all his family members looked too much like him and that would raise some uncomfortable questions. With the gala less than 24 hours away he was out of time and options, he was screwed. 

He sat there for a long while considering the best way to go about this. The stipulation of a date had been non-negotiable, Rowan knew because he had tried negotiating his way out of it. All he had received was an ultimatum—bring a date or he was off the case. And he really, really wanted this case. 

But what else could he do? He couldn’t conjure a woman into existence, he didn’t have the energy or will to go and meet someone tonight and veritably beg a stranger to attend with him. It’s not like he could hire someone.

Rowan froze. Suddenly that idea didn’t sound so preposterous. Money wasn’t a problem so he could… no. Hiring a girlfriend was not something he would stoop to. Plus, it was embarrassing that his social interactions were so low that he had to stoop to that alternative. Then again, he had to ask himself whether or not losing his chance with this client was worth it.

With a sigh, Rowan came to a bleak realisation. It wasn’t worth it. His reputation would be tarnished and he’d lose a shit-tonne of money if he couldn’t do something as simple as bring a date to an event. Unlocking his phone he tapped on his web browser and opened an incognito window. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, considering what to type. Escort services were an obvious search choice, but that seemed a little risky. Yes, he just needed a one off evening hire but if it got out if he had resorted to an escort service, and gods only knew who he might end up with. Maybe he should just accept his fate and be doomed. 

Then a conversation came back to him. A long while ago on a random night out Fenrys had made a comment about hiring a sugar baby. A someone who Rowan could pay to spend time with him, no string of extenuating effort needed—just payment. His friend had kindly been pointing out Rowan’s perpetual spinster status, but maybe he was onto something. 

Rowan spent half an hour researching the best way to find a reputable sugar baby, if there was such a thing, and settled for an app that charged an exorbitant fee. Sweet As Sugar was the name of it, and it bragged to have the best and most vetted list of sugar babies. Rowan had to upload a photo and create a profile, and then he was able to start browsing. For someone who was desperate and under the clock he probably spent far too long considering who he might hire. He just needed to pick, pay them and explain the situation.

Rowan was about to go back to his favourited list when swiped to a profile of an absolutely stunning woman. Her hair was gold, and her eyes were a shade of blue he’d never seen before. She smiled at the camera and her beauty was damn near entrancing. Celeana was the name under her photo and without even thinking it through he’d clicked on her profile and started reading. 

She was in her mid twenties and studying, she was smart not to give specifics. Celaena liked dogs, music and chocolate with hazelnuts in it. Rowan couldn’t see any apparent red flags and she was beautiful. There honestly wasn’t much else to it.

“Why the hell not,” Rowan muttered to himself and tapped on the little heart stamped envelope that would request the chat between them be opened. It was in Celeana’s court now, she would have the final decision on whether or not she would accept his offer. 

He waited and waited, long enough that his phone locked on its own. Rowan started berating himself for such a stupid idea and began considering if Sellene truly looked too much like him to pass her off as unrelated. But then his phone lit up his dark office, a notification from his newest app.

Request accepted.

~~~~~

Tags: @fucking-winchester-trash // @literary-licorice // @tangledraysofsunshine // @highqueenofelfhame // @3am-reading // @soup-that-is-too-hawt // @nalgenewhore // @http-itsrebecca // @sleep-and-books // @alifletcher2012 // @westofmoon // @sleeping-and-books // @ttakeitbacknoww // @mariamuses // @chocolate-eating-bitch-queen // @velarian-trash // @queenofxhearts //

@heroesofterrasen // @highladyofstoriesandmusic // @empire-of-wildfire // @camerooonchiu // @crackedship // @over300books // @yourwhisperingshadows // @thesirenwashere // @tswaney17 // @cat5313 // @judelovescardan // @flowerspringsea // @chaoticskyy // @the-regal-warrior // @fanfictrash3000 // @blueeyes425 // @bamchickawowow // @giorgia-the-trashpanda //

[mariamuses]

[mariamuses]

omggggg long time no see and i LOVE IT

CHAPTER TEN—In Vino Veritas: A Nessian Story

Summary: Nesta Archeron is convinced she has everything she wants: a law degree from an ivy, a prestigious job, a gorgeous boyfriend, and excellent taste in wine. However, when she wanders into her local wine vendor and meets a handsome stranger unafraid to play her quick-witted games, she begins to wonder if the life she’s built is really the one she wants.

Cash Kahukore worked his entire adolescent life to become a sommelier, ignoring the slurs his mixed heritage have always earned him as he fought his way to the top. However, after five years abroad buying for Michelin star restaurants and dealing with rich white assholes, he’s grown bored with his life. When a gorgeous lawyer comes in to his uncle’s shop one afternoon, he immediately recognizes a worthy opponent in her. Undaunted by her sharp tongue and possessive boyfriend, he’s determined to be her friend, and—as time goes on and their circumstances change—possibly something more.

This a prequel to** Navy Suits and Chelsea Boots **that takes place three years before. If you love Elriel (and don’t mind finding out how this story ends) check it now.

Chapter 10, Pt. 1: Dom Perignon

Though Nesta had spent the better part of a week attempting to rationalize the feeling away, by Friday afternoon she could no longer deny it: she was nervous.  

Ordinarily, meeting new people didn’t scare Nesta. Winning over strangers was literally part of her job, after all, and her record in court suggested she was rather good at getting strangers to trust her. Compared to some of the juries Nesta had faced, meeting one of her boyfriend’s best friends should—in theory—have been a cakewalk. 

Except that Rhysand Sadeghi was no ordinary stranger, and Nesta couldn’t deny that he had several distressingly valid reasons for not liking her. Cash had never given her any details about his weekend with Azriel and Rhys in Vegas and Nesta had never asked, in large part because she selfishly didn’t want to know what ungenerous things he may of said about her while under the influence of alcohol and the pain she’d caused him.

Still, Rhys had seemed supportive enough when Cash and Nesta first went public with their relationship two months ago, which would have been enough to assuage the worst of Nesta’s fears about meeting him had she not also surmised from Cash’s many stories that the Sadeghi family prized loyalty above everything else, and that their good opinion, once lost, was difficult to regain. She wasn’t naive enough to think that a few flame emojis on an instagram post meant that Rhys genuinely approved of her. Despite Cash’s assurances to the contrary, Nesta could see Rhys’s current trip to the States for what it really was: a test.

When she’s suggested as much to Cash, he’d merely laughed, explaining that Rhys was coming to California to finalize an acquisition deal he’d been trying to close for months, and that he’d only decided to extend his trip and stay the weekend after Cash had suggested it.

It was a plausible enough story, Nesta supposed, and she might have even been tempted to accept it was true had Rhys been traveling alone.

 Except he wasn’t coming alone. 

Seemingly unsatisfied with the prospect of interrogating her one-on-one, Rhys had summoned what felt like a tribunal of Cash’s closest friends, including Mor and Azriel, despite the fact the former allegedly hating getting involved with the family’s real estate business and the latter lived over six hours away.

 Even Rowan was supposedly coming to their gathering this evening, and though Nesta might have otherwise been relieved to have him there as a potential ally, she felt she knew him well enough to understand that if Rowan was going to a nightclub, it was likely because Aelin was forcing him. Nesta had still yet to formally meet Aelin thanks to the latter's current AVP tournament schedule, and despite the role Nesta had played in saving Nehemiah from deportation, Aelin still remained very much a wildcard. 

As did Mor.

She’d been warm and perfectly friendly the first time Nesta met her, but things had admittedly been very different then. And now…

Nesta knew that Mor was one of Cash’s fiercest defenders, and she hadn’t deluded herself into thinking Mor would ever forgive her for what Nesta had put Cash through that night at Tonga Room, even if she didn’t know all the ugly details. 

Then again, maybe Mor would understand. From the little Cash had shared about her romantic history, Nesta had gathered that Mor had first-hand experience with abusive relationships. Perhaps if the opportunity presented itself this evening, Nesta could get Mor one-on-one. She knew that she had nothing to apologize for, but perhaps if she could explain her side of things, she and Mor could move past all the messiness and possibly start over. Maybe, with enough time and patience, they could even become... friends .

The idea filled Nesta with a dangerous sort of hope, and she found by the time that she got home to the townhouse she and Cash now shared that she was actually somewhat looking forward to seeing where the evening might take them. 

Kicking off her stilettos, Nesta gave her grandmother’s beloved bookcase an affectionate pat as she headed up the stairs to the main floor, calling for Cash as she did. 

“You still here, Mister?”

Yet another complication of the evening: Cash—who was in the final stage of interviews for the coveted North American brand manager position at Dom Pérignon—had been invited to a last-minute dinner with one of the company top executives, who’d flown in from Reims specifically for the meeting. Thrilled as Nesta was for Cash—particularly now that Devon was home and back running The Merchant full-time—she couldn’t help but be nervous for the two or so hours she’d be spending with his friends sans Cash. 

Nesta glanced at her watch and frowned. It was barely six o’clock, and the reservation wasn’t until nine-fifteen; surely he hadn’t left already. Checking her phone to ensure he hadn’t texted her, she made to call out again before hearing the rumble of his voice coming from the third floor. 

Abandoning her cell phone and purse on the dining room table, Nesta headed up the stairs, listening with increasing worry as Cash’s voice grew louder. 

He was in the study speaking to someone via video chat through the tv which had been mounted to the wall, and as Nesta drew closer, she heard an uncharacteristic bite in Cash’s tone that instantly had her good mood curdling to worry.

“If you didn’t want to come,” he was saying, voice harder than usual. “You could have at least been straight-up with me about it, instead of putting on this dog-and-pony show just to punish me—”

“Don’t be dramatic. I didn’t plan this, and I certainly didn’t do it to punish you.”

Nesta knew that voice—that lovely, posh accent, so much colder now than the first time she’d heard it. 

Mor.

And if she was on the phone, it meant she couldn’t be on a plane, and if she wasn’t on a plane, then that meant—

Nesta’s shame spiral was interrupted by the sound of Cash’s brittle laughter.

“Oh I see. To punish Nesta, then.”

Mor was silent for a moment, her voice softer but no less fierce when she finally said, “I’m not trying to punish her, either, but can you honestly tell me she wouldn’t deserve it if I was?”

Nesta’s heart sank, dragging her down with such brutal force that she had to lean against the wall to keep her balance. Every fear she’d had about meeting Cash’s friends came flooding back to the surface, and she felt the guilt she’d been trying to swallow these past months rising like bile in her throat, acrid enough to make her mouth water.

“I don’t have to justify myself to you and neither does she,” Cash said. “Jesus, what is your problem?” 

Mor gave a soft snort of disgust, her own patience seemingly frayed by Cash’s accusatory tone.

“Oh, so now I’m the villain? Even though she's the one who strung you along then broke your trust? Look, I get that she’s been through a lot and that you always want to see the best in people, but sometimes you’ve got to do the selfish thing and put yourself first.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Cash demanded.

“It means that having a shitty ex—even an abusive one—isn’t an excuse for treating others badly! I’ve known a million girls just like her, and I’ve seen how this story ends. She’s a taker, and if you let her, she will take and take and take from you until there’s nothing left.”

Mor’s words struck Nesta like a blow, driving straight to the fear that most often plagued her about her relationship: that she was selfish for still wanting Cash after everything she’d put him through, and that by continuing to be with him, she was proving she cared more for herself than she did him.

Six months ago, that one thought would have been enough to send Nesta spiraling into panic and self-doubt. Today—despite the pain—she managed to catch herself, rooting down in the knowledge that what she and Cash now had, they’d built together .

Cash—for his part—seemed equally as unwilling to allow the comment to find its mark.

“You don’t know her, though. You don’t know a goddamn thing about her, because if you did, you’d understand what an absolute dickhead you’re being right now.”

Mor gave a tight, almost-pained, sigh.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you. I’m telling you because I care about you and I’m worried.”

“Well you have a shitty way of showing it,” Cash snapped. “I love this girl, Mor! Does that really mean so little to you?”

It had apparently been the wrong thing to say, because when she finally spoke again, Mor’s voice had gone cold enough to burn.

“Do what you want, then,” she said flatly. “I’m not going to pretend I’m fine with this just because no one else has the bollocks to tell you the truth.”

There was a pause before Cash replied, voice softer but no less edged, “You’re way out of line right now; if you don’t want to admit it to me, I hope you can at least find the courage to admit it to yourself.”

“Fine,” Mor said. “Anything else?”

“Actually yes,” Cash said, a renewed bite in his tone. “While we’re on the subject of messing about in other people’s business, get off Az’s back . He’s never going to be able to open up enough to meet someone when he’s terrified you won’t approve of anyone he picks.”

Mor’s answering laugh was acerbic, and though Nesta didn’t know her well, the bitterness in her tone didn’t seem to suit the bright, kind women Nesta remembered meeting all those months ago.

“Why, so he can meet a girl like Nesta?” 

“You wanna lose me? Stay one more cruel thing about her, I fucking dare you.”

“Cash—”

“Goodbye Morrigan.”

Nesta listened as Cash ended the call before swearing to himself, the sound partially muffled as he presumably buried his head in his hands.

Nesta remained where she was, debating if she ought to just sneak back downstairs and pretend she hadn’t heard any of what had just been said. It would be easier for Cash if he could keep believing he’d managed to shield Nesta from the worst of Mor’s scorn.

Nesta’s mind was nearly made up when she recalled the look on Cash’s face as he’d begged her not to lie to him anymore, even in the service of protecting his feelings.

It was that promise which gave Nesta the courage to finally move, deliberately shuffling her bare feet along the rug in the hallway to alert him of her presence before pausing in the doorway.

Cash raised his head, his tender expression managing to slightly lessen the current ache in Nesta’s chest.

“Hi,” she said, leaning her head against the wall as she took him in.

“Hi,” he said, seeming to study her with the same intensity. “How much of that did you catch?”

She shrugged, not bothering to hide the truth of it in her eyes.

“Enough,” she admitted.

Cash swore softly before extending his arms to her.

“Can I hold you?”

That he’d asked—that he’d cared enough to seek her permission instead of simply reaching for her—soothed a part of Nesta she’d hadn’t realized was still healing.

Wordlessly she crossed to him, sinking into his lap and breathing in his inviting masculine scent. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, pressing his forehead to hers.

“Don’t be,” she said, fighting to keep the emotion out of her voice. “I understand.”

“No, please don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t internalize this.”

“She's not wrong, Cash.”

“Yes she is!” he said, his voice firm. Still, his touch remained gentle as he reached to cup her cheeks. “What happened at Tonga was between us , and we’ve moved past it! Besides—”

He let out a sigh.

“Look, this doesn’t excuse her behavior, but this isn’t about you. Mor’s got plenty of her own baggage she’s yet to fully square up with, and sometimes I think she chooses to get overly-invested in other people’s problems to avoid having to deal with her own.”

“I understand why she doesn’t care for me,” Nesta said. “If the situations were reversed, I’d likely feel the same way. I just—I don’t want you to lose friends because of me.”

“I haven’t lost anything,” Cash assured her. “Mor and I have been in much nastier fights than this before and we’ve always managed to patch things up. Besides, if she truly isn’t willing to give the woman I love a chance, she isn’t the friend I thought she was.”

Nesta nodded, desperate to take comfort in what he’d said about Mor and move on. Still, hearing the righteous venom Mor harbored had felt to Nesta the way she assumed opening that damned box had made Pandora feel, and now that the floodgates had been opened, she found there was one fear in particular she couldn’t shake. 

Unable to suppress the urge any longer, she finally asked, “And Aelin?”

“Aelin?” Cash asked, brows knitting. “What about her?”

“Please don’t play dumb,” Nesta said, hating the slight pleading in her voice. “I assume she hates me, too.”

Cash gave a wry smile that she couldn’t help but be slightly assuaged by. 

“On the contrary, Aelin has been picking out our wedding china since before we were even dating.”

Nesta huffed a laugh, and he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“And next to Rowan, Nehemiah is hands-down the most important person in Aelin’s life. Regardless of what she may have thought before, I guarantee that after what you did to help NeNe, you have a friend for life in Aelin.”

“I’m sorry,” Nesta said. “For causing all this. I didn’t—”

She broke off, and though Cash waited for her to finish, she realized after a beat she didn't actually know what to say.

“Nesta,” Cash said softly. “I love you. Nothing anyone else says will change my mind about that, and I am never going to let anyone tear you down, whether you think you deserve it or not.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” Nesta asked, tucking a strand of dark hair that had come loose behind his ear. 

Cash answering grin was soft and achingly lovely.

“Should I go alphabetically or chronologically?”

Nesta brushed his lips with the pads of her fingers, her own smile growing as well. It never ceased to amaze her how easily he could change her mood.

“Chronologically.”

“Okay,” Cash said, tugging her more fully into his lap so he could kiss her neck. “Then how about this morning in the shower?”

With similar schedules and a dual-head shower in the master bath, they showered together most mornings, a simple ritual that had nonetheless become one of Nesta’s favorites. 

Most days they merely shared the space in contented silence, focusing on their own tasks and only speaking to request the other fetch the shampoo or pass the body wash. However, when Nesta glanced over that morning just in time to watch Cash tip his head back to rinse his hair, water cascading down his toned back and over his gorgeously sculpted ass, she hadn’t been able to resist. Pushing him against the wall, she’d gotten on her knees and sucked him off until his eyes had rolled back in his head. 

They’d ended up staying in the shower until the water had gone tepid after that.

“That was mutual,” she reminded him. 

Cash grinned, leaning up to kiss her neck again.

“The sounds you make when I fuck your ass honestly make me feel like I’ve won the lottery,” he said against her skin.

“I know,” she said with a smirk, moving to slide off his lap. “You should probably start getting ready. You need to leave in an hour and a half.”

Cash was undeterred by her prudence. 

“That’s plenty of time,” he breathed, hitching up the pencil skirt she wore and toying with the waistband of her black silk thong. “Take these off and let me make you feel good.”

Nesta dug her nails into his toned shoulders, grinding against him almost involuntarily. 

“Here?” She asked, distracted by the fact he was already growing hard beneath her. 

“Study’s still on the list.”

It was a tempting offer, and though part of Nesta badly needed the distraction, the lingering guilt over what she’s wrought between Cash and Mor kept the worst of her selfish impulses in check.

“You went down on me in here last week,” she pointed out in deflection.

Cash, unsurprisingly, wasn’t deterred by this explanation.

“True,” he agreed. “But your sister called before I could make you come, so it doesn’t count,” he said, tugging her thong up until the fabric was roughly splitting her. “Don’t make me beg, gorgeous.”

She couldn’t hold back the groan when he gave another her thong coaxing tug, the material brushing against her unsheathed clit.

“I like when you beg,” she said, already growing breathless from his machinations. 

“What’s coincidence,” he said, leaning forward to nip at her ear. “I like when you beg, too.”

“I don’t beg,” she said, not quite ready to give up their little game despite her own growing anticipation for what was sure to follow.

Cash’s answering laugh was pure sin.

“Don’t tempt me to make a liar out of you, Nes. We both know that I could have you crawling on hands and knees for me if I wanted, and that you’d enjoy every sweet second of it.”

Nesta only smirked in response, sliding off his lap in a way that made him groan in pleasure. Slowly she retreated to the opposite wall before shucking the thong off from beneath her pencil skirt and kicking it to his feet in offering.  

Cash settled further into the plush velvet couch in answer, arms draped across the back and legs casually splayed. 

“Good girl. Now everything else,” he said in a silken command. 

She flashed him a tarty, ‘fuck-me’ smile. 

“Everything?”she repeated.

He studied her with a stark male appreciation that made her instantly wet, his gaze slithering  from her bare feet to the chignon still wound into her hair. 

“You can leave the earrings.”

“How generous,” she said, easing the hem of her silk blouse out from where it had been tucked into her skirt and beginning to unbutton it. 

Cash made a soft sound of appreciation as she finally slid the garment from her shoulders and tossed it onto a nearby club chair. 

His eyes glazed a bit as she reached behind her back to unfasten her bra next. When the clasp came free, she tossed the frilly scraps of evergreen lace into his lap. 

Though he hadn’t moved from his languid position on the couch, Nesta could clearly make out the consequence of her teasing as it pushed against the front of Cash’s trousers. 

“Don’t stop,” he urged, voice midnight soft now. 

Nesta obeyed, pulling the clip from her hair and giving it a soft shake before finally reaching for the zipper of her skirt. Cash was practically panting by the time Nesta began easing the garment down her thighs, and when she straightened to reveal her completely bare form, his eyes were dark with hunger. 

He surveyed her for a moment without comment, head slightly cocked as he admired her beneath the soft glow of the office’s recessed lighting. His gaze was like warm honey, sweetly clinging to every place on her body it touched. She felt her own desire coming alive under his unceasing attention, and she rubbed her legs together to ease the ache which had begun to throb between them. 

Sensing her impatience he finally rose, advancing on her with quiet intent before pushing her against the bookcase which had been built into the wall and kissing her. She moaned as he eased his tongue into her mouth, the soft material of his shirt brushing against her bare chest as he strung an arm around her waist and tugged her more fully into him.

She moaned again when his hand finally found its way between her thighs, but he only spared her a teasing stroke or two before coaxing her legs around his waist, carrying her to the center of the room and easing her onto the sheepskin rug.

She might have objected to being naked on the floor had the cleaning woman not been there the day before. Cash must have thought the same because he laughed; not at her, but in a way that told it safe to let go. 

“Relax for me, sweetheart,” he said, lips brushing a spot on her neck which instantly had her melting.

Noting the change, he huffed another soft laugh onto her skin, lightly grazing the same spot with his teeth before breathing, “good girl.”

Nesta wasn’t ashamed to admit what praise did for her in bed, but she had little time to revel in Cash’s words before he was easing his way down her body, lips brushing her ribs and the crease of her hip before his tongue lazily found its way directly between her legs.

She swore at the first contact, her fingers finding their way into the dark water of his hair and tugging as he applied a small amount of pressure just where she needed him.

She could still hear Mor’s venomous rebuke ringing in her ears, but the words grew fainter with each careful stroke of Cash’s tongue, her conscious mind yielding to pure sensation.

Despite the time constraint, Cash remained unhurried in his task, and Nesta was weak-kneed and covered in a thin sheen of sweat by the time release finally found her.

Cash pulled back slightly to survey her, a satisfied smirk tugging at his full mouth when he brushed a finger down her torso and she trembled in response. 

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he breathed, bending to kiss her.

“What time—” she began, but he cut her off with another kiss.

“It’s 7:15,” he said against her lips. “You still have plenty of time to get ready.”

However, when he attempted to pull back she dug her nails into his shoulders to keep him close. 

“Take your clothes off. I need you inside of me.”

His answering laugh skimmed across her bare skin like silk.

“As my lady commands.”

“Now, pleasant,” she said, pressing a teasing foot to the center of  his chest and nudging him back.

Cash laughed again before rising to his feet and beginning to undress. When he peeled off his shirt, her hand found its way between her legs almost of its own volition, moving lazily as she drank him in. 

“That’s it, gorgeous,” he said, hands at his belt buckle now. “keep going.”

“I’d rather have your fingers between my legs,” she admitted.

He chuckled.

“I wouldn’t. You know what watching you get yourself off does to me.”

“Maybe sometime you’ll let me watch you, Handsome.” 

They hadn’t experimented with mutual masturbation yet, but it was on Nesta’s list. 

By now Cash had shed his boxer briefs to reveal—unsurprisingly—that he was fully ready for her. 

“I could come just from the way you look at me,” he said, stroking himself as he once again knelt to join her. 

Before she could protest, he put his head between her thighs again, tongue focused solely on her clit as he continued working himself. When she felt herself begin to tip over the edge he pulled back, pressing a hand to the crease of her hip and sinking into her in a single motion. 

It was timed perfection she could only marvel at. In several quick thrusts the head of his cock scraped her g-spot just as her orgasm had been ready to fade, and she came hard.

“That’s it,” he said as she clenched around him, trembling. “Squeeze me, Nes.”

She panted as the sensations continued to ripple through her.

“How did you even—“

“Because I know this body even better than you do,” he said. “ Fuck , that was so hot to watch.”

“Ride me,” Nesta demanded in response. “Hard.”

“Flip over,” he said. 

She did, and he wasted no time in sinking inside of her again, one foot braced on the carpet for better leverage as he grabbed her hips.

“Keep touching yourself.”

“I’m not going to be able to come again,” she said. 

“We’ll see about that. Go on Lovely, do it for me.”

Her clit was still throbbing from his earlier machinations so Nesta kept her touch featherlight as he began to move. Instead of thrusting forward into her, Cash instead pulled her back onto him while Nesta rocked her weight in the opposite direction to create tension. It was a rhythm they’d discovered early on in their sexual odyssey, and the friction was blinding for both of them. 

The room filled with the sound of their bodies as they came together, and Nesta could feel the swing of Cash’s stones against her ass as he thrust, a depraved sensation that drove her out of her mind with want. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she demanded. 

“I’m thinking that if this rug wasn’t three grand, I’d be tempted to pull out and come all over you.”

“You’re close?” 

“Oh God , yes.”

Nesta couldn’t help but preen at that.

“Keep talking,” she demanded, always greedy for as much of him as she could get.

And Cash, God love him, was always just as eager to oblige. 

“Do you know why I like to go down on you right before we have sex?”

“Tell me.”

His thrusts increased in intensity, a sign he was close. 

“Because your gorgeous little cunt is so tight, I’m never sure if I’ll be able to last long enough to give you an orgasm.”

“You’ve given me tons of vaginal orgasms,” Nesta panted.

“Only through sheer power of will. Fuck , Nes.”

She threw her hips back into Cash’s a final time and he was a goner.

He kneaded her ass with a firm grip as he emptied himself inside her, and though Nesta felt herself going boneless as the pleasure Cash had thrust her into finally began to relax its hold. 

Fisting her hair, Cash coaxed her head back for a soft kiss before pulling out and slapping her ass. 

“Go jump in the shower, I’ll join you in a second.”

Nesta  rose to her feet, keeping her thighs neatly tucked to avoid making a mess of the carpet after all. Cash marked the gesture before rewarding it with a cocky, bone-melting smirk. The Nesta of a year ago would have snarled at him for the stark appreciation shining in his eyes; today she could only marvel that he seemed to find her as desirable as she found him.

A beat of comfortable silence passed as they remained drinking one another in, and when Nesta’s gaze finally met Cash’s again, it was to find his expression had faded to something almost reverent, though the hunger remained.

“I know it probably makes me a total caveman, but I never get tired of seeing you full of me like that.”

The admission was so stark and primal that Nesta felt her belly clenching pleasantly.

“Maybe it does,” she agreed. “But I’m too much of a junkie for that look you’re giving me to care.”

Cash laughed.

“She digs the caveman vibe; good to know.”

Nesta rolled her eyes, even as she laughed a little herself. 

“Don’t push it,” she said, turning to the door and slipping down the hall to the bathroom.

Despite his promise, Nesta more than halfway through her post-sex shower ritual by the time Cash joined her, his touch warming her skin in a way the water alone never could.

“Are you going to miss me while I’m at dinner?” He asked, kissing her neck.

“Of course,” she said, leaning in as he nipped playfully at her ear.

“How much?” 

“Enough that I’m still debating if I ought to call a bomb threat into Mastro’s so dinner will have to be postponed.”

Normally Cash would have simply laughed at that, but he must have heard something in Nesta’s tone, because he pulled away slightly so he could study her, a frown tugging at his sensuous lips.

“Are you seriously nervous about tonight, because you have no reason to be; everyone is going to love you.”

“Everyone except Mor, you mean.”

Cash’s frown deepened, though his gaze remained almost unbearably tender.

“Don’t worry about her.”

“How can I not?”

“Nes—“

“It’s fine,” she said, slipping past him to grab her towel. She turned, forcing a smile as she reassured him, “I’m fine.”

She left before he could push the issue, trying to focus on getting ready as a means of distraction from Mor’s voice still echoing on repeat in her head.

Cash, for his part, seemed to sense she didn’t want to be pushed, because she was nearly through drying her hair by the time he finally re-emerged, dressed in a burgundy sport coat and slacks, his own hair pulled back in his typical style.

He didn’t immediately speak, simply leaned against the doorframe and watched her as she finished her hair and moved onto her makeup. 

She allowed his silent assessment for as long as she could bear before glancing up at him in the mirror and snapping, “what?”

Her tone was slightly sharper than she would have liked, but she was still learning how to accept his concern without defensiveness.

“Do you want me to cancel dinner?”

At this she stopped what she was doing, turning from her vanity to face him fully.

“Are you insane?”

“Gabriel already told me last week that I’m Dom’s top choice. If that’s true, then they will understand—”

“I’m sure it is true!” she interrupted. “But how could you possibly think I’d let you take that risk? Especially over something so trivial.”

“Your emotional safety isn’t trivial,” he said quietly. “Not to me.”

She felt herself softening at that, especially as she noted the unbearable tenderness which had crept into his expression.

“I know that,” she said. “But you should know that I would never let you give up something this important for my sake.”

“Fair enough,” he said, but before she could revel in the knowledge he wouldn’t be risking his career over something as petty and inconsequential as her feelings, he added, “then don’t go tonight. You can meet my friends another time.”

Nesta couldn’t hold back the surprised laugh which slipped out, the sound brittle even to her ears.

“And how will that look? You can’t make it so I just decide to bail?”

“I don’t really give a shit how it looks. I only care that you are alright.”

“I am,” she assured him, and seeing that she’d yet to fully convince him, she added, “At least, I’m getting there. I know what tonight means to you, and that’s important to me! Besides, I want a chance to get to know your friends and for them to get to know me. I can’t do that if I spend the rest of our relationship casually hiding from them.”

Cash’s expression didn’t change, but Nesta could tell the idea pleased him, which only hardened her resolve to see things through.

“You’re sure?” He said.

“Seeing as we already know that my biggest detractor won’t be there, how bad can it be?” Nesta said, turning back and flashing him a sardonic smirk in the mirror.

“Too soon,” Cash said with a huffed laugh, coming over to kiss her cheek before adding more quietly, “I love you.”

In lieu of responding, she reached back to string a hand around his neck, scraping her nails along the nape in a gesture she knew soothed him.

They remained there for a long moment in comfortable silence before Cash gently extricated himself.

“I’ll let you finish getting ready,” he said. “I’m not leaving for another twenty minutes.”

Nesta nodded, leaning into him for another kiss on the cheek before attending to her makeup.

Cash was sitting at the kitchen island reviewing LVMH’s latest earning statement when Nesta finally emerged, the soft rustle of her sequined mini dress the only sound as Cash eyed her appreciatively.

“You like?” She asked, reaching the landing and giving a turn to show the open back and dangerously-short hem. “It’s new.”

“You look stunning,” he replied, eyes twinkling. “Though I would argue that has very little to do with the dress.”

She rolled her eyes even as she draped an arm over his shoulders and settled into his lap. She didn’t miss the way his gaze flitted to the forbidden stretch of thigh which was revealed as her skirt rode up to accommodate the new position.

“I assume LVMH is sending a car?”

Cash nodded, smoothing a hand down said thigh and causing Nesta’s skin to tingle.

“Should be here in five.”

She nodded, preparing to ask if he was ready for the meeting when he spoke first.

“Okay, last offer, hear me out.”

“Cash—” she began, attempting to stand up even as he coaxed her to remind where she was.

“I can tell Az we’ll just meet him at the club, then you can hang out here and wait for me and we can go toge—”

“Don’t do that, he’s probably already on his way,” Nesta cut in. “And I said I’ll be fine, so I will be. Just…stop, please.”

Cash opened his mouth as if he wanted to argue before his phone dinged, signaling his driver had arrived. 

“Go,” she said, sliding to her bare feet. “You don’t want to be late.”

After a final moment’s hesitation he did the same, straightening his slacks as she grabbed his sports coat from the back of a nearby stool and held it out for him.

He obliged her, slipping his arms through and shrugging it on as Nesta came around to adjust the collar. She sometimes forgot just how much taller he was than her when she wasn’t in her typical heels, and she had to rise to her tip-toes to kiss him.

“Go kill it,”she said against his lips. “You’ve earned this.”

He brushed his nose against hers in response, an affectionate gesture that still made butterflies dance in Nesta’s stomach every time. 

She could tell that Cash was fighting with the urge to offer her one final out on the evening’s festivities, but she was grateful when he chose to simply kiss her instead.

“Have fun with the boys,” he said. “I shouldn’t be more than an hour or two behind you.”

“Take you time,” she said firmly. “From everything you’ve shared, I don’t see Rhysand ending the party anytime before daybreak.”

“How very terrifying and true,” he said, eyes full of all the things still left unsaid as he grabbed his phone, blew her a kiss, and jogged down the stairs to the front door. 

Nesta felt some of the fight go out of her as she listened to the door open and shut, the telltale chime of the security system being re-armed echoing up a second later.

The plan to have Azriel meet them at the townhouse for drinks prior to joining up with Rhys and the rest of their cabal had been made before Cash had known he’d be entertaining the Dom execs, and though Nesta had been adamant that they needn’t change the plan simply because Cash wouldn’t be there, she couldn’t help but wonder at her own stubbornness as she waited nervously for Azriel to arrive.

On the one hand, Nesta’s initial interaction with Azriel had been entirely pleasant, and had left her with an adequate degree of certainty that—despite the Owen debacle—she and Az could get on just fine without Cash present to act as a buffer. 

However, Mor’s assessment earlier had challenged any confidence Nesta may have had when it came to Cash’s friends. Perhaps she’d been arrogant to think that Rhys and Aelin were the only one she had to be worried about winning over tonight, even with Mor temporarily out of the picture. After all, Rhys may have been Mor’s cousin, but it was clear to Nesta that Azriel and Mor had some kind of history.

Cash had never fully explained what—if anything—had gone down between them, but Nesta had always gotten the sense from his stories that Azriel had carried a torch for Mor at some point. It was only just occurring to Nesta that he very well still could. Perhaps all of Azriel’s seemingly meaningless flings were just a distraction from the girl he wanted but couldn’t have. 

And even if he didn’t have romantic feelings for her, it was clear that Mor’s opinion was incredibly important to Azriel.

What was it that Cash had said earlier?

 He’s never going to be able to open up enough to meet someone when he’s terrified you won’t approve of anyone he picks. 

If Mor voiced her concerns about Nesta to Cash, it was entirely possible (and indeed fairly probable) that she’d shared the same—or worse—with Azriel. And even if she hadn’t, what was to say that he hadn’t come to his own unfavorable conclusion about Nesta after the Vegas trip? She could only imagine what he’d heard and seen that weekend, and frankly she couldn’t blame him if he’d decided that he hated her, too.

Nesta’s heart rate kicked up as she considered the increasingly-grim possibilities. Perhaps she’d been too quick to reject Cash’s offer to send Azriel ahead. If she hadn’t—

Nesta’s phone chimed to signal a notification, and she’d been so deeply engrossed in her catastrophizing that the sound startled an undignified shriek out of her. Pressing a hand to her chest in an attempt to slow her hammering heart, she glanced down to see an alert from the Ring app signaling someone was at the door. 

Having no time left with which to ponder her potential evisceration, Nesta simply exhaled a steadying breath before heading down the stairs and disarming the security system.

Nesta felt some of her initial apprehension melt away as she pulled open the door to find that—far from the anger or aloofness she’d feared—Azriel was actually smiling, a modest bouquet of tulips tucked under one arm.

Much like the first time Nesta had met him, Azriel was in all black, from his silk bomber jacket to the well-tailored Japanese denim he wore, his designer boots—Prada, if Nesta had to guess—shined to perfection.

“For you,” Azriel said in greeting, extending the flowers, already neatly trimmed and arranged in a stylish vase, before flashing another soft smile. “I would normally have just brought a bottle of wine, but given what Cash has told me about your incredible palette, I didn’t want to embarrass myself by bringing something terrible.”

“These are lovely,” Nesta assured him. “Please, come in.”

Azriel gave a polite nod and stepped past her, waiting as she re-armed the door before following her up the stairs to the main living space. She thought to offer him a tour before remembering he’d already seen the place when Cash first moved in with her, so instead she opted for what she hoped was amiable silence as she set down the flowers on the island.

“Can I get you something to drink?” She asked, turning to the fridge in an effort to mask her unease. 

Despite Azriel’s warm greeting and the flowers he’d brought, Nesta felt her nerves lingering. However, not wanting to dwell on the stakes, she simply forged on.

“I have water, wine, beer, some of those disgusting hard seltzers....”

When Azriel still didn’t reply, she glanced up to see wry amusement sparkling in his eyes, brows slightly raised.

“I have two college-age sisters,” she explained. “Feyre in particular has terrible taste in beverages.”

Azriel huffed a polite laugh, though the slight flush in his cheeks told Nesta he’d been perhaps warned off making any comment about the youngest Archeron, even if it was friendly.

Smart man.

Instead he said, “If I asked for a shot of tequila, would you join me?”

Nesta smiled, retreating to the liquor cabinet and fetching a bottle of reposado and two rocks glasses. 

“I should have known,” she said, pouring the golden liquor into both glasses before raising one to him in a toast. “Cash said you’d be the one to watch out for; the knife in the dark.”

At this Azriel laughed outright, his impeccably straight teeth on display as he raised his own glass. It was a deep, rich sound, made all the more satisfying by the knowledge that it had been earned. 

“I’ve been to this club before,” he explained. “Trust me when I say it’s not a place you want to go sober.”

It surprised Nesta a little that Azriel—for whom a weekend in Ibiza had been a self-professed torture—was nevertheless familiar with some gaudy nightclub in a city almost 400 miles away from his own. 

She opened her mouth to say as much before remembering Cash’s sly remarks about Azriel’s dating life. It seemed a reasonable bet that the last time that Azriel had gone to Divinity, it hadn’t been for the shitty music or overpriced cocktails. 

Still, that wasn’t any of Nesta’s business, so she instead replied, “I will drink to that,” tapping his glass and throwing the shot back. It didn’t burn the way the cheap tequila she’d always drank in college had, instead warming her belly as it settled in her stomach. 

She poured them each a second measure of tequila—this one for sipping on—and gestured Azriel take a seat on one of the barstools studded around the large granite island. 

There was a measure of surprisingly comfortable silence as they both took a sip of their refreshed drinks, and Nesta cast around for something polite for them to talk about before the moment stretched too long. 

Nesta hadn’t forgotten the comments both Cash and Azriel himself had made about Azriel’s family, but unsure of where else to begin, she began carefully, “Cash mentioned you met in London. Are you from the UK originally?”

He didn’t have an accent, but that didn’t mean much. Perhaps he’d trained himself out of it as a means of transformation. If there was one thing that Nesta felt certain of in regards to Azriel Macar, it was that the man who stood before her today—hair impeccably styled and clothes tailored to perfection—was a facade crafted with the same artistry which had made him so successful as a designer. 

The real Azriel, Nesta sensed, was hidden somewhere beneath all the trappings of wealth and success, and for a reason she couldn’t fathom, the idea he felt the need to keep himself disguised made Nesta’s chest ache a bit. 

Azriel huffed a quiet, humorless laugh at the question, and Nesta wondered if—however innocuous—it had been the wrong one to ask. However, after another small sip of his drink, Azriel met her gaze, expression steady but guarded. 

“Hardly,” he said before glancing back down into his glass. “I grew up in Oklahoma.”

It had been the last thing Nesta had expected, and her struggle to master herself earned a laugh from Azriel, this one slightly easier. 

“You seem surprised,” he mused.

“I’m sorry,” she said, cheeks flushing a little. “I—”

“Don’t be,” Azriel said. “I’d have been offended if you hadn’t been. It’s a Hellhole.” He gave another humorless laugh. “Which is ironic considering churches practically outnumbered people in the town I grew up in.”

Not wanting to offend him by saying the wrong thing, Nesta settled for what felt like the safest option.

“I’ve never been to Oklahoma,” she offered. “The closest I’ve come is Dallas, and I can’t say I’m a huge fan of that, either.”

“Oh agreed,” Azriel said. “Though I wouldn’t say that in front of Rhys; you’ll break his bougie black heart. He loves Dallas.”

“For some reason that doesn’t surprise me,” Nesta admitted, and Azriel smiled.

“Then you’re a quick study.”

They fell into another comfortable silence as Nesta turned the comment over and over in his mind, debating the merits of voicing the question dangling on the tip of her tongue. The potential for blowback if she overstepped remained a clear and present danger, but Azriel’s relaxed demeanor emboldened her to take the risk.

“So…Rhysand,” she began, trying to keep her tone casual rather than anxious or over-eager. “Any tips?”

Azriel paused at this, his glass halfway to his mouth as he raised his eyebrows. Not as if he were offended by the question, but rather to indicate he hadn’t been expecting it. 

He took a sip of his drink in lieu of giving an immediate answer. Nesta wasn’t sure what to make of this stall tactic, but she resisted the urge to fill the silence, waiting instead for him to speak.

Finally he said, “Rhys is like skiing. Easy to learn but difficult to master. When I first met him, it took me all of ten minutes to decide I had him all figured out and that I fucking hated him. Now we’ve been best friends for almost five years, and he still finds ways to surprise the hell out of me on a regular basis. Still, chances are that even if you don’t want to like him, you still will. He’s inevitable in that way.”

“And what about the people he doesn’t like?” She asked carefully.

Azriel’s smile had grown soft and slightly more elusive, but he answered gamely, “I don’t think Rhys has ever met a female he didn’t like.” 

She didn’t know why she said it, but Nesta found herself blurting, “first time for everything, I suppose.”

It was more vulnerability than she’d wanted to show, and seeing the smile slip from Azriel’s face, she knew at once she’d said the wrong thing.

However, he didn’t immediately clap back like she feared he would, instead seeming almost...concerned.

“I know we don’t know each other that well,” he said after a beat, “but can I be...honest for a second?”

“Please,” Nesta said, despite the fact she wasn’t at all sure she was ready for whatever it was he had to say.

“I assume this has to do with Mor.”

It wasn’t a question, but it certainly answered any doubt Nesta had over whether Mor had voiced her dislike to the rest of the group.

“What makes you say that?” Nesta said, annoyed at herself for the tartness which had slid into her voice.

However, if her curt tone bothered Azriel, he didn’t show it. Instead he merely nodded, seeming to weigh his next statement before continuing on.

“I usually try to stay out of the inter-group politicking because there are enough busy-bodies in this crew as it is, but I will say this: Mor is entitled to her opinion; don’t make the mistake of assuming it’s an opinion that everyone shares.” 

“I wouldn’t blame you or Rhysand if you didn’t like me,” she admitted, fighting the urge to grow defensive in her vulnerability.

Azriel only shrugged. 

“Like I said, it’s not my style to insert myself into other people’s business, but…” 

He paused for a second to meet her eye before quietly adding, “I saw what was done to that bookcase, Nesta. Mor didn’t.”

Nesta felt a lump swelling in her throat at the memory, Tomás’s screaming still echoing faintly in her ears.

“That’s probably more grace than I deserve, but thank you.”

Azriel nodded again, looking down into the swirling remains of his drink before adding, “And for what it’s worth, you should know that Cash has never said one ugly thing about you, even in Vegas. He had every opportunity to tear you to pieces that weekend, and he never did.”

“I think that says more about his character than mine,” Nesta admitted, “But I can’t deny it’s a relief to hear.”

“Cash may seem carefree, but I don’t think I need to tell you that everything he does, he does with intention. That includes the company he chooses to keep.”

There was a finality to the way Azriel said it, as if he’d finally exceeded his limit for getting mixed up in his friends’ personal lives and was hoping to change the subject. 

Nesta rewarded his tacit request by refilling both their glasses and saying, “So, as two people who don’t like clubs, any idea what we can expect from tonight?”

“A bloody nightmare,” Azriel said half under his breath, accepting his glass back from her and taking a healthy drink. “Rhys promised we wouldn’t have to be there all night, so I’m praying he can accomplish whatever required schmoozing quickly so we can fuck off to somewhere slightly less atrocious.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Nesta said, raising her glass in salutation and taking a generous swig.

The conversation flowed fairly effortlessly after that, shifting from the friend group to Azriel’s work. He’d seemed hesitant to discuss it at first, as if he were afraid he might bore her if he talked about himself or his own interests for more than a sentence or two. However, once she’d coaxed him into opening up slightly, no doubt aided in her effort by the tequila, she found they had no shortage of topics to discuss. 

Beyond his own work, Azriel was a walking encyclopedia on the history of modernist architecture and design, and he was effortless in his ability to recite fascinating anecdotes about the movement’s pioneers. The way his eyes lit up as he regaled her with a story about Frank Lloyd Wright reminded Nesta of the look Elain always wore when discussing the Papal intrigue of Quattrocento Rome, and she envisioned—not for the first time—how well those two would likely get on were they to ever meet.

Nesta was surprised when she glanced at the oven clock and realized it was nearly 11:30. Azriel must have seen it too, because he drained his glass and reached for his coat.

“I’ve unfortunately exhausted all my tactics for delaying the inevitable,” Azriel said, pulling up the Uber app on his phone and showing Nesta that their driver was six minutes away. “Shall we?”

It was nearing midnight by the time they reached the white lacquered doors of Divinity, a throng of club hopefuls already beginning to amass behind the velvet rope which snaked off to the right of the entrance.

It was only then that Nesta realized they’d never been given any instruction on how or where to find the others. However, Azriel seemed to know the drill, because he skirted the line and went to the bouncer guarding the other side of the rope, presumably the entrance for VIP guests.  It didn’t take more than the words “Rhysand Sadaghi” to get them through the rope and following a hostess to what she continued to remind them was the club’s “premiere suite”. 

The farther they traveled into the space, the louder the hypnotic bass became until they were skirting the massive dance floor en route to a private balcony fashioned to look like a giant cloud suspended in mid-air. Nesta swore as she picked her way up the narrow staircase leading to the box, praying none of the smarmy-looking douchebags below would think to look up. If they did, she was fairly sure they'd have a full view up her skirt through the translucent steps. 

Finally, they reached the landing, and Nesta permitted herself one last steadying breath before accepting Azriel’s hand to clear the final stair.

The suite seemed to be divided into two chambers separated by a silk curtain. The initial space was currently unoccupied, but through the partition in the silk, Nesta spotted a single figure lounging in a plush armchair as it if were a throne, a drink balanced lazily on a knee as he surveyed the crowd below. However, she had less than a second to study him before he took notice of their arrival, his arms outstretched as his mouth split into a breath-taking grin.

Rhysand Sadeghi was gorgeous almost beyond comprehension. The picture of elegance and obscene wealth, he was as tall as Azriel and just as well-built, with glittering azure eyes and a smile bright enough to dazzle even in the semi-darkness. 

On paper his beauty was profuse to the point of revulsion—his eyes too blue, his lips too full, his cheekbones too sharp. In short, Rhysand should have been too pretty to actually be attractive. But there was something so devilishly human in the arch of his dark brows and the curve of his smile that made him, hands-down, the most handsome man Nesta had ever met. 

But not, she noted with a swell of pleasant emotion, the most attractive. Rhysand may have been physical perfection, but he would never be more beautiful to her than Cash; no man would. 

Rhysand gave a cat-like smile as he approached, straightening the lapels of his Armani suit jacket as if he were preparing to step into a business meeting. The crisp shirt beneath had the first several buttons undone, and Nesta could see the making of what was clearly a very intricate chest piece tattoo peaking above the collar, the swirling lines matching the designs which covered the backs of each of his hands.

“Nesta,” he said in greeting, tone warm as if they were old friends. “Finally. I was starting to worry that Cash was hiding you from me.”

His English accent was clipped but smooth, a clear product of his education at Eton and Oxford. 

Nesta turned to allow him to brush a kiss on her cheek. 

“So you’re the philandering rake I’ve heard so much about,” she said as they pulled away. 

It was perhaps a somewhat risky thing to say considering how badly she wanted Cash’s friends to like her, but Rhysand’s answering smile indicated he enjoyed a good verbal spar.

“And you’re even more beautiful than Cash described,” he shot back easily. “Careful, I might be tempted to steal you for myself.”

Nesta hit him with an expression Cash had affectionately termed “Disney Villainess.”

“I don’t know if I’m expected to laugh in your face, or slap you across it.”

Rhys only tipped his head back and laughed as Azriel said from behind her, “A fairly common reaction to meeting him, I’d say.”

“Drink?” Rhys asked, gesturing to the various champagne buckets scattered around the space. “What can I get you?”

He was already pouring a whiskey for Azriel before patting his friend affectionately on the cheek, a gesture which Azriel swatted away. 

“No special friend with you tonight, brother? Cash said it’s been a proper revolving door since you moved to LA!”

“Oh fuck off,” Azriel said, tone light even as his cheeks pinked. “You’re just jealous.”

“Maybe I am,” Rhys said, shooting Nesta a wink. “Champagne, Nesta?”

“Please,” she said, noting the bottle of $500 Armand de Brignac nestled in the closest chiller. Being around this level of wealth was going to take some getting used to. She seemed to sense that Rhys was waiting for her to take a sip, so she did.

“It’s lovely,” she said. “Thank you.”

Rhys grinned. 

“I’m so pleased you like it. Cash says you have a palette for wine that’s destined to put the rest of us to shame.”

Just then another dark-haired man appeared from the darkness, bending to speak quietly in Rhys's ear. Nesta noted the radio at his belt and the gun at his hip, and the way his dark eyes shone with an alacrity which told her he was stone-cold sober. 

When the man straightened up, Rhys gestured to him with a smile. 

“This is my bodyguard, Adan. Donnie, this is Cash’s better half, if you can believe that.”

“Nice to meet you,” Adan said, voice thick with a French accent. “Welcome to the court of nightmares.”

Rhys’s crushing blue eyes glittered as he laughed. 

“Nightmares? Brother, this is a court of dreams! Algerians take everything too seriously,” He added with a smile. “Relax, Don.”

Adan rolled his eyes and snapped a retort in French, though his body language suggested he wasn’t actually bothered. Rhys only laughed in response before offering a rapid reply in the same language.

“Shall we, then?” Rhys said, ushering Nesta forward while keeping his hand a respectful distance from her low back.

“Your timing is impeccable as always, Az,” Rhys said, dropping onto one of the low couches with a lazy grace before kicking his feet up on the glass table. “Even five minutes earlier and you’d have been forced to make small talk with the owner. The man’s a complete knob.”

“Sorry to have missed him,” Azriel said wryly, appraising the space with a designer’s critical eye.

Rhys seemed to note Azriel’s assessment, because he gestured to their surroundings and asked, “So, what do you think?”

Azriel’s lip curled in disgust, the most expression Nesta had ever seen him show.

“It’s fucking horrendous.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Rhys said with a grin. “Wouldn’t buy this place if it were free.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, though there was no malice in the gesture.

“If that’s true, then what are we doing here?”

“You mean besides running up an obscene tab on the ownership’s dime? We’re celebrating.”

Az simply rolled his eyes again, but Nesta shrugged. 

“I’ll bite; celebrating what?

“The successful culmination of a well-deserved revenge plot.”

“I’m officially intrigued,” Nesta said, and Rhys flashed her a bone-melting smirk.

“I thought you might be,” he replied, drawing a cigar from his inside pocket before lighting it and settling back into his seat.

“Six months ago the prick who owned this place called me wanting to see if we’d be interested in going in with his group on a joint venture for a new property they wanted to open in Miami. They’ve been wanting to break into the market but didn’t have the contacts to do it, so they were hoping I could provide leverage. I said I’d consider it, but the financials didn’t pencil so I thanked him for the offer but told him we were going to pass.” 

Rhysand paused to take a casual sip of his drink before continuing on.

“A few days later he pocket dials me. I was getting ready to hang up when I realized he happened to be talking about me to a colleague. Didn’t catch the whole conversation, but considering the fact I stayed on the line long enough to hear him refer to me as a ‘towel-headed terrorist”, I think I got the gist.”

The champagne she’d been enjoying moments earlier turned immediately sour in Nesta’s mouth. It wasn’t always easy being a woman—particularly in a chauvinistic, ego-centric industry like hers—but even with all the wayward comments and veiled jabs she’d endured over the years, she couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to be on the receiving end of that kind of ugliness. Glancing between Rhys and Azriel, she could see in their expressions the same bleakness she sometimes glimpsed on Cash’s face, a stark reminder of the realities of racism they didn’t have the privilege of ignoring. It made Nesta want to hunt this hideous prick down and bury her stiletto into his jugular.

Azriel, for his part, only gave an unamused snort, gaze going cold. “He should meet my brother Tanner. Sounds like the two of them would get along great.”

“Indeed,” Rhysand said, his own smile razored. “I won’t bore you with the gory details, but the long and short of it is that while he’s been kissing my ass the last three days thinking I’m interested in investing in this dump, my lawyers have been finalizing a deal to buy the property across the street.”

“So you can rub what an asshole he is in his face for the rest of eternity?” Azriel asked.

Rhys opened his mouth to reply, but Nesta beat him to it.

“You wanted him to open his books,” she said, reading Rhys’s cold smile. “You needed to see his balance sheet so you’d know what it would take to put this place underwater.”

He nodded, grin widening.

“Turns out that in addition to being an ignorant piece of shit, dude’s also an idiot,” Rhys said, smoke slithering through his lips as he took another drag from his cigar. “His distributor’s been fleecing him on booze. I already have a supplier lined up who’s willing to sell to me at cost, which means I will be able to charge 30% less per drink while maintaining the same margin. This place will be lucky to last six months.”

At this his crushing gaze met Nesta’s, and she couldn't decide if he was seeking her approval or illustrating the power he had to destroy people who crossed him. The fear that it had been the latter had the instinct to go on the defensive flaring, but Nesta forced the urge down, merely raising her glass to him instead. 

“All’s well that ends well, then.”

“I wouldn’t start gloating just yet,” Azriel said. “It’s gonna take more than cheaper drinks to thin this herd.”

He gestured to the packed throng of revelers below.

Rhys remained unruffled.

“True, but when have you ever known me to not hedge my bets?”

“Let me guess: you’ve convinced some Kardashian sibling to come on opening weekend and lie to their billion followers about how great it is.”

“Kardashians? You’ve got to learn to dream bigger, Azzy!”

“We’re not going to play twenty questions with you about it,” Azriel shot back mildly. “So either tell us what you’ve got up your sleeve or I’m changing the subject. Cash won’t thank you for boring Nesta to death within the first twenty minutes.”

Rhys laughed, undimmed by Azriel’s slightly-acerbic wit. It made Nesta like Rhysand slightly more than she otherwise might have, knowing that his wasn't the sort of ego that was so large it had grown inflexible.

“Conn agreed to a two-week residency when the place opens,” Rhys explained instead. “ People are going to forget this joint even exists when they find out he’s performing at such an intimate venue.”

Azriel gave an appreciative chuckle, clearly understanding who that was and what it meant. Nesta, on the other hand, didn’t have the slightest clue. 

Part of her didn’t want to give Rhysand the satisfaction of asking in the event he’d only brought it up as a means of making her feel foolish for not knowing. However, a glance up at him showed that the chilly gleam in his eye from earlier had softened to pure amusement, and she decided to play nice by saying, “I admit I don’t frequent enough clubs to know what that means.”

“If we said the name ConMan, would that mean anything to you?” Azriel asked.

Actually it did. ConMan’s signature was blending classical movements by Mozart and Bach with modern electronic music, and though Nesta wasn’t usually one for house or EDM, she admittedly had more than one ConMan track on her gym playlist.

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re friends with one of the most famous DJs in the world,” she said to Rhysand, and he laughed again

“Actually I met him through Cash. They grew up together in Hawai’i.”

Now it was Nesta who wanted to laugh. In all the stories Cash had told about his childhood friends, including the twins—Fen and Connall0—he’d failed to mention that one of them happened to have a Vegas residency. She loved that about him, that he wasn’t one to drop names or lord his impressive friends over her.

“I don’t know how you feel about house music,” Rhys continued, “But you should come see him spin. He’s incredible on stage. Watching him perform, you’d never guess what a massive homebody he actually is.”

“I don’t know how he does it,” Azriel added, the whiskey stones in his drink clinking as he rotated the contents with a practiced flick of his wrist. “If I were Connall, I would have faked my own death years ago.”

“I do love that the two biggest introverts I know both ended up being famous,” Rhys said with a grin.

Azriel rolled his eyes.

“I am not famous.”

Rhys only bubbled his lips.

“Bruv, you were featured in Vogue. Give it up already.”

Recognizing that Azriel was currently her closest ally in the fight to win over Cash’s friends, Nesta decided to throw him a bone and redirect the spotlight by asking, “How well do you two know the Hawai’i boys? They seem like a fun bunch.”

“Nah, they're all assholes,” a voice echoed from beyond the gauzy curtain.

They all turned at the intrusion, Rhys whistling appreciatively and rising to his feet as Rowan Whitethorn cleared the last of the stairs and emerged into the lounge.

“There he is,” Rhys said. “Nice hair, brother!” 

Rowan grinned as he ran a tattooed hand through the grey strands, which gleamed silver under the club’s sleek lights.

Rhys was right; it was quite different than Nesta had ever remembered it looking. Though he still wore it in an undercut, the sides were now almost to the skin and the top longer and more ostentatiously styled, making him look less clean-cut and more...dangerous.

Nesta didn’t have to wonder too long at the change. When she’d asked Cash why he  hadn’t been seeing as much of Rowan—worried that he was still avoiding his friends because of her—Cash had made a vague remark about Ro’s current caseload requiring him to work extra hours. Seeing Rowan now, she suspected that ‘extra hours’ had actually been a euphemism for working undercover. 

Rowan only smirked at Rhys’s assessment, their vibe easier than Nesta might have imagined. But then, that was the magic of Cash; he could bring anyone together.

“I’m trying something new,” Ro offered coyly.

“I like it,” Rhys said. 

Rowan's smile grew a little, green eyes flicking up to Rhys’s own dark hair, which was styled in a similar manner.

“I bet you do.”

“I can’t resist a bit of drama,” Rhys admitted before glancing behind Rowan. “No Ace tonight?”

Rowan's face fell slightly even as he accepted a drink from Rhys and smiled at Nesta and Azriel in greeting. 

“She and NeNe were playing in a tournament in Latvia until yesterday, and her flight out of Riga got canceled because of staffing shortages with the airlines. Don’t get me started.”

For her part, Nesta couldn’t decide if she should be disappointed or relieved. She hadn’t been lying all those months ago when she’d told Cash she liked Aelin already. But after Mor...Nesta wasn’t sure how much hope she could realistically harbor that Aelin would ever like her back. 

She was saved from her self-improvised spiral by Rowan, who’d finished greeting Azriel and turned his full attention on her.

“Nesta,” he said, brushing a soft kiss on her cheek the same way Rhys had. “Good to see you.”

His smile was full of meaning, and she found herself flushing a little.

“You don’t seem...surprised. To see me.”

Didn’t seem disappointed, she didn’t need to say. She could see in his eyes that he knew what she meant, and the way they softened at the corners told her that he was genuinely glad she was with Cash, even after all her mistakes.

“Can’t say I am,” he said, accepting a whiskey from Rhys with a nod. “I had faith you two would...figure it out when you were ready.”

“I’m sorry Aelin’s not here,” Nesta said, hesitating for only a second before admitting, “I was looking forward to finally getting to meet her.”

“She’s gutted to have missed it,” Rowan said. “If there was any way she could have been here, she would have.”

Rhys and Az traded a furtive glance at this, but before Nesta could worry at what it might mean, Rowan flashed a soft smile, the sincerity in it putting her at ease.

“It really is a shame she’s not here,” Rhys said as they resettled. “I like to think she would have really appreciated the unholy douchbaggery of this place.”

“That’s because she’s a godless hedonist,” Rowan said, expression neutral but tone full of affection. “Why do you think she likes hanging out with you so much?”

“You’re just lucky you met her first,” Rhys shot back easily.

Remembering how Rowan had reacted when Eris had dared to make a comment about Aelin, Nesta half expected Rowan to clap back. Instead, he only grinned, clearly at-ease with this dynamic.

“Please,” he said, taking another sip of his drink. “You two would tear each other apart.”

“Agreed,” Azriel said mildly. “She’d have your sensitive little ass in tears the first time you got into a disagreement.”

“Fuck you both,” Rhys said, grinning now too. 

Friends, Nesta realized. These three, despite all their perceived differences, were genuinely friends in their own right, even when Cash wasn’t around.

“Honestly, Sadeghi,” Rowan said, “I can’t wait to meet the girl you end up with. She's going to need the patience of a saint to deal with your…”

Rowan trailed off, head cocking towards the new song currently building in the space below. Nesta didn’t recognize it, but it was hypnotic and dark, admittedly a lot better than the manic-tempo shit they’d previously been playing.

Rowan remained on alert, listening intently, and finally Nesta asked, “Is everything alright?” 

“This is Ace and NeNe’s warmup track,”Rowan said, seeming almost dazed. “Connall made it for them specifically after Aelin complained women's sports don’t get the same pre-game hype.”

“How annoyingly true,” Rhys said with an almost-theatrical frown.

Despite his disapproving words, Nesta didn’t miss the undercurrent of self-satisfaction in Rhys’s tone.  Rowan clearly hadn’t missed it either, because his head instead snapped back to Rhys, his expression caught between confusion and excitement.

“Is this you?” He said, gesturing to the speakers.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Rhys said, blue eyes glittering with delight.

Rhys’s reaction, despite meaning absolutely nothing to Nesta, seemed to confirm something for Rowan, and he leapt to his feet.

“No way,” he said, a smile growing on his face now. “Even you couldn’t pull something like that off.”

Rhys pretended to buff his nails on his lapel.

“Couldn’t I, though?” He said with exaggerated self-importance before gesturing to the dance floor below with his eyes.

Rowan leapt up, running to the balcony to peer over it. Still unsure of what the fuck was going on, Nesta followed, reaching the balcony just as the beat dropped, everyone in the crowd seeming to pulse in time with the music. 

That was, everyone but three people, who were instead cutting a distinct path away from the stage and towards the roped-off stairs.

Even if Nesta had not recognized the gorgeous blonde leading the trio, Rowan’s reaction to seeing her would have been enough to tell her who it was.

Rowan was in motion at once, abandoning his drink on the nearby table and taking the stairs two at a time. He ignored the belch of fake fog which exploded around him as his foot reached the last stair, because by that time the blonde had noticed him as well, and in two long strides she was in his arms, the hem of her tight dress riding dangerously high as she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him.

“Nice work, brother,” Azriel said, extending his knuckles to a preening Rhysand. “Wasn’t sure you were going to be able to pull it off.”

By now Rowan and Aelin had finished their steamy reunion and were heading back up the stairs, Aelin tucked comfortably under Rowan’s muscled arm as they continued to grin at one another.

Finally Rowan turned back to Rhys, laughing a little.

“You sneaky bastard! All those questions about Ace not being here when you knew full well she was already on her way!”

“You know Aelin tears are my kryptonite,” Rhys said, winking at a beaming Aelin. “When she called me crying earlier saying her flight had been canceled, how could I leave her stranded, especially when I knew my father’s jet was sitting idle in London?”

It was then that Rhys finally came into greater focus for Nesta. If Cash was the group’s unifying thread, weaving all the disparate personalities into a single, tight-knit clan, then Rhys was its magic wand, trailing sparks through the air and achieving the seemingly impossible with a flick of the wrist. 

It would have been easy to attribute it to his extreme wealth, but watching him now, Nesta could see it was more than that. Yes, money had a way of making big problems seem small, but the finesse with which Rhys handled roadblocks told her that he was neither as frivolous nor as rash as he liked to pretend.

And he hadn’t just done it to prove he could, Nesta realized. He’d done it knowing what even one extra day together would mean for Aelin and Rowan, and so that Aelin wouldn’t have to miss out on this rare opportunity for them to spend time together as a group. It was clear watching them interact how much they all meant to one another, and how much they cherished any time they got to spend in one another’s company. More than friends, it was clear this group was more like a second family, even scattered as they were across the globe. And it was all because of Cash.

Nesta watched the joyous reunion unfold without comment, feeling so caught up in the moment that she’d nearly forgotten her own outsider status. It wasn’t until Aelin finished greeting the others that Nesta remembered herself at last, the same anxieties which had plagued her all week swelling with renewed urgency.

A quick glance over Aelin’s shoulder revealed wary expressions on both Rhys and Rowan’s faces, as if they too weren’t sure how this meeting would play out. 

It was only when Aelin’s stunning blue eyes fell on Nesta that the latter realized how badly she wanted this woman to like her, despite all the legitimate reasons Aelin—like Mor—had to dislike her.

To aate her even.

It was too late for all of that though, as Aelin was making her way over, her slinky gown glittering like molten gold under the lights. Nesta guessed that even barefoot Aelin must have been over six feet, but she towered close to Rowan’s height in her spindly heels, making Nesta feel positively minuscule in comparison. 

Still, she did her best to steel her nerves, unsure whether to extend her hand as she forced herself to meet Aelin’s gaze and say, “I’m Nesta.”

“I know,” Aelin said, not extending her hand either.

Unease sluiced through Nesta as she tried to decipher Aelin’s tone. However, before she could worry about what to do next, Aelin continued.

“I know we don’t really know each other, but…” she paused, glancing over her shoulder at Rowan before turning back to Nesta and continuing,  “Can I hug you?”

It wasn’t what Nesta had expected, but she nodded, extending her own arms with a slightly-strangled, “of course.”

Aelin pushed forward at once, pulling Nesta to her as if they’d been friends all their lives. It wasn’t the overly-tight embrace Nesta had feared, and she found herself immediately inundated by the fresh citrus scent of Aelin’s perfume.

When they pulled back, Nesta found Aelin smiling at her, no calculation or contempt on her face.

“I want to thank you again for what you did for Nehemiah,” she continued. “We were in a proper panic until you stepped in.”

“I was happy to help,” Nesta said, grateful for the warmth in Aelin’s tone, even if she wasn’t sure she deserved it. “I’m just glad it worked out.”

“It did. Thanks to you,” Aelin said, tone full of meaning. 

Nesta nodded and made to step away, terrified she might ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing. However, Aelin reached forward to grab her hand, giving a soft squeeze as she leaned forward, voice pitched low as she said, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” Nesta admitted, pausing before adding, “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for a long time.”

“Me too,” Aelin said with a smile. “We all have.”

Nesta could barely contain what those words did to her—how they soothed all the jagged self-loathing she’d harbored over the last several months. Aelin seemed to read the lingering pain on Nesta’s face, because her own smile dimmed slightly.

“She’ll come around,” Aelin said simply. “Just give her time.”

Nesta didn’t need to ask who Aelin was referring to, but she nodded, grateful beyond measure for Aelin’s kindness.

Not wanting to monopolize Aelin’s attention, she turned back to the rest of the group, which now included two more men she didn’t know. 

Though they’d yet to be introduced, it was clear from their piercing blue eyes who they were. 

The Ashryvvers, Aelin’s maternal cousins.

The blonde was the first to notice Nesta, and his answering smile was deceptively mild as he nodded to her in greeting before leaning over to his cousin and whispering—perhaps a bit louder than he’d intended, “Ella está buena.”

Despite her parents’ insistence, Nesta’s Spanish had never been nearly as good as her Portuguese. However, it was certainly good enough to understand when a man was checking her out.

Flustered, Nesta tried to keep her expression neutral. It wasn’t that she was offended; she just wasn’t sure how to proceed without embarrassing Aelin’s cousin and possibly offending Aelin herself in the process.

Fortunately for Nesta, it seemed that Aelin had also overheard what had been said, and she reacted with no hesitation.

Quick as an adder, she slapped the blonde soundly upside the head and hissed, “That’s Cash’s girlfriend, you ignorant doorknob!” before flipping into smooth, clipped Spanish and adding, “Y ella habla portugués; puede entenderte. Sorry,” she said, turning back to Nesta with an apologetic smile. “You’d honestly think these two were raised in a barn. These are my cousins, Aedion and Galen.”

“Why am I being scolded?” Galen, the darker-hair one, asked. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You were thinking it,” Aelin sniffed at him. “So you’re just as bad.”

Galen rolled his eyes in defeat and turned to make himself a drink, but Aedion only grinned, seemingly unruffled by Aelin’s rebuke as he extended his hand to Nesta.

“Lovely to meet you,” he said. “Cash is a lucky man.”

“Knock it off,” Aelin said, pushing his hand aside as she steered Nesta away. “She’s probably gotten enough of that from Rhys already.”

“Me?” Rhys said, laughing. “What did I do?”

“Plenty, I’m sure,” Aelin said, blowing him a kiss. “Besides, I thought you saved the worst of your shameless flirting for me!”

“Don’t encourage him,” Rowan said.

“Don’t get possessive,” Aelin lobbed back, flashing him a tarty smile over her shoulder. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

“God, I’ve missed you,” Rhys said, grinning appreciatively at her.

“Then move to California already,” Aelin said, pouring herself a glass of champagne before topping off Nesta’s glass as well. “Then you can annoy Ro to your heart’s delight.”

“It’s tempting,” Rhys admitted. “But I wouldn’t want to encroach on Az’s hunting grounds.”

Azriel, who Nesta expected to clap back the way he usually did when someone brought up his love life, simply raised his glass in answer.

“Be my guest. You and I have very different taste in women.”

It was a testament, Nesta decided, to how comfortable Aelin’s arrival had made her, that she actually debated actually asking Azriel what his type might be. However, after a moment of consideration she decided not to push the issue, if only for fear of upsetting the delicate but promising balance she’d struck within the group.

She thought of how it had felt watching Cash meshing with her own friends, and she hoped he would be similarly pleased when he saw how easily she’d seemed to find her way with his. Because they’d all gone out of their way to accept her, even after what she’d put Cash through. Being here with them, it became dangerously easy, in fact, to imagine what a future amongst these people might look like for her. 

Before tonight, Nesta had been apprehensive to plan too far ahead where she and Cash were concerned, afraid to get her hopes up while things with his friends remained so much in the air. Hard as it had been, Nesta had promised herself when they’d started dating that she would never let herself come between Cash and the people who were most important to him, even if it someday meant making the difficult decision of letting him go so he wouldn’t be forced to choose.

She supposed she’d never forgiven herself enough to actually imagine they might accept her the same way Cash had. Sitting amongst them now, listening to them talk and laugh as if they didn’t all know how selfish and broken she’d been, her heart felt full in a way even she didn’t have words for.

“Boo, we’re out of champagne!” Aelin said, pulling Nesta from her reverie as she shook the empty bottle upside down and pouted in Rhys’s direction. “Please tell me we don’t have to flirt with the horrible owner to get more.”

“No champagne?” a familiar voice called, sending Nesta’s heart soaring into her throat. “What kind of shit party is this?”

Nesta leapt up in time to see Cash emerging from behind the gauzy curtain, a huge smile on his face. A cheer went up at his appearance, but he only had eyes for Nesta, stringing an arm around her waist as she approached and pulling her close.

“Miss me?” He asked, brushing his nose against hers as he grinned.

“A little,” she said, stroking a hand down his cheek. 

Before she could ask how the dinner went, Rhys interrupted with a laughing groan.

“Guess I’m going to have to order the expensive stuff, now that Kahukore is here.”

“No need,” Cash said, pulling a bottle from behind his back. “I brought my own.”

Nesta recognized the crest-shaped label and laughed.

“You got it?”

Cash grinned.

“They offered me the job on the spot. I fly to Paris next week to sign the papers. Here Sadeghi, this shit is bougie enough to get even your spoiled ass excited. Dom P3 Plentinude Brut, a gift from the personal wine cellar of Dom’s COO.”

“This beauty spends 20 years aging on its lees, and you want to share it with these animals?” Rhys asked.

“Good point,” Cash said. “We better open before I change my mind.”

Divesting the bottle of its cage with practiced ease, Cash held his thumb to the cork to keep it from accidentally popping off before offering the bottle to Nesta.

“Will you do the honors?”

She gently pushed the bottle back towards him.

“You’re better at it than I am,” she said.

“True,” he said, grin widening as she bared her teeth at him. “But I wouldn’t have gotten this job if you hadn’t pushed me to apply, so this one’s all you.”

“Nes-ta! Nes-ta! Nes-ta!” Aelin chanted, the others joining in until Nesta finally accepted the bottle from Cash, applying pressure to the cork before it finally came loose with an expert kiss of sound.

They all cheered again, Cash pouring a measure into the fresh glasses Rhys had produced before raising his own, Nesta still tucked comfortably into his side.

“Oscar Wilde once wrote, ‘pleasure without champagne is purely artificial.’ Since I’m not one to argue with the greats, I’ll simply say, here’s to genuine pleasure, friends!”

Another cheer went up as they all clinked glasses and took a sip, Nesta nearly moaning as it hit her tongue. It was even better than the bottle of Armand de Brignac they’d opened after Nesta’s trial, every carefully-cultivated flavor dialed to 11 by the lengthy aging process.

“What do you think?” Cash said quietly, studying her reaction with delight.

“Perfection.”

“Just like you, then,” he shot back easily.

Instead of sniping back like she normally would have, she merely smiled, leaning up to kiss him.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said quietly.

“Thank you,” he said. “For making me go tonight. It would have been a mistake not to.”

“No thanks necessary,”  she replied firmly. “Since there was no way I was going to let you miss it.”

“Things have been going...well here, I take it?”

She took a minute to compose herself, glancing down into her glass before meeting his eye again.

“The only thing that would have made it better would have been if you’d been here.”

He studied her face, seeming to relax as he read the calm contentment on hers.

“I’ve told you a million times; to know you is to love you, Nesta Archeron. Anyone who refuses to see that is truly blind.”

Nesta's heart stuttered a bit at that, both at the compliment and the reminder that there was still work to do when it came to repairing all the damage that had been done. Still, that was a problem for another day. Tonight, they were celebrating. 

xx 

It was Nesta’s phone which woke her the following morning, the annoyingly-bright chime alerting her there was someone at their front door. She turned over to wake Cash, intent on making him fetch whatever package had been dropped off so she could continue sleeping.

She was fairly certain she was going to be hungover for the next month after the bender they’d embarked on the night before, and she didn’t plan to get out of bed until she had to leave for work on Monday. Maybe not even then.

Blindly reaching for him, she found his side of the bed cool, and when she’d gathered the strength to open her eyes, she swore to find a note instead of the mass of naked man she’d been expecting.

Gone to the gym with Ro to sweat out the demons. Take the Advil I left you. <;3 

She swore again at realizing he wasn’t there, and a third time for good measure when the doorbell chimed again.

“Just leave whatever it is and go!” She yelled, even knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell the delivery person could actually hear her.

When the door chimed a third time, Nesta groaned and hauled herself to her feet, slugging down the Advil and nearly falling down the stairs in her attempt to reach the front door. 

Dredging up whatever decorum she could muster, she smoothed her rumpled hair and fought down the urge to snap at the overeager UPS driver who’d thought it was appropriate to ring the doorbell three times on a Saturday morn—

Nesta felt herself go pale as she wrenched open the door to find that it wasn’t a delivery at all. It was Mor, looking fresh as a daisy and distressingly composed when compared to what Nesta was sure she must have looked like. 

A beat of horrifyingly awkward silence reigned before Nesta regained her wits enough to say, “I’m sorry, Cash isn’t home right now.”

“Actually,” Mor said, “I came to see you.”

The panic must have shown somewhat on Nesta’s face, because before she could manage a reply, Mor pressed on.

“I would have been here sooner, but apparently Rhys lent the jet to Aelin, so I had to fly commercial.”

When Nesta still didn’t reply, Mor shifted slightly, the first sign of discomfort she’d allowed to show.

“I know it’s early for a social call, but I thought—would you like to come to breakfast? I know a great place in Portrero Hill. My treat, of course.”

Nesta, for all her usual composure and aplomb, remained speechless. When she finally opened her mouth, the only thing that came out was “Why?”

“I was hoping we could...talk,” Mor said. When Nesta made no move to reply, Mor continued, “I wanted to apologize for yesterday, and for us to hopefully...start over.”

After another hideous beat of silence Mor seemed to relent, nodding as she stepped back, gaze falling to her feet.

“But I understand if now is not a good time. I’ll just let you get back to—“

“No,” Nesta said finally, making up her mind. If Cash could forgive her for the mistakes she’d made and allow her to move on from them, the least she owed him was to offer Mor the same chance. “I’d like that. I just need to—” she glanced down at herself. “I could be ready in twenty minutes, if that works.”

“Yes!” Mor said, eyes lighting up. “Take your time, I’ll come back in an hour.”

Mor was already heading for the stairs, and Nesta considered the courage it had taken to extend this olive branch before deciding to extend one of her own.

“Would you like to wait here instead? I can make coffee.”

Mor’s smile went from edged hopefulness to soft relief.

“I’d love that.”

@that-golden-lyre @aspidenchantress @annedub @so-chill-mochill @verypaleninja @bookofmaas @katexrenee@mightymorphingayagenda @tswaney17 @keshavomit @subhuman-queer @123moiaussi @b00kworm @sezkins79 @marnz @wesupremeginger @toallthefandomsivelovedbefore @rhysanoodle @actuallyacotartrash @empress-ofbloodshed-writing @superspiritfestival @donnarosemary @regolithheart @kingdomofbrokenhearts @mariamuses @verifiefangirl-mainblog @awesomethreedragons @awesomelena555 @kayak34

[mariamuses]

— from Little Weirds, Jenny Slate

[mariamuses]

*sobbing in fluff*

FRUITY

A/N: here i am, writing yet another concept that origins from @harrysblackcoat i just couldn't stop thinking about it and had to write it

WORD COUNT: 677

SUMMARY: Italy, Harry, pregnancy cravings and an ice-cream crisis solved by your wonderful husband.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

“Grazie mille.”

Harry nods at the man behind the counter after dropping three times more money into the man’s hand than what the two ice-creams actually cost. 

“Grazie!” the man breathes out with a happy smile, waving after the two of you as you walk out of the tiny ice-cream shop.

It’s a hot day in Italy, your baby blue sundress delicately hugs on your frame, the fabric softly flows over your growing bump. A fan you bought at a souvenir shop the other day hangs from your wrist. You asked for pistachio and vanilla, the melting ice-cream is slowly dripping down the cone in your hand as you keep on walking down the cobbled street. You lick into the vanilla and it instantly pulls a frown from you. 

Why did you even ask for pistachio and vanilla? You’d much rather eat something fruity and refreshing. 

Glancing over at Harry you catch him licking into his own ice-cream, he asked for strawberry and lemon, your mouth waters at the sight of the colorful scoops. The hormones are playing you so badly, have been for the past months, especially since you’ve reached the second trimester. Your emotions tend to be all over the place and practically anything could get you to cry. 

Your lips start to wobble as you look back at your ice-cream. 

“How is it, babe?” Harry asks, oblivious to what just went down in you. Stopping in your tracks, you try to regulate your breathing and stop yourself from crying. Harry notices that you’ve stilled and when he looks at you he instantly realizes that something is wrong. “Hey, what’s wrong? Does something hurt?”

Stepping closer he tries to find what could be wrong, his eyes frantically running up and down your body as his free hand cups your bump.

“No, nothing hurts,” you breathe out, your voice shaking from the tears that are already dwelling in your eyes.

“Then why are you crying, baby?”

“I just… I’m so stupid,” you look at him pouting.

“Why would you say that?”

“I don’t want it,” you finally admit, looking at the melting ice-cream in your hand. “I wish I got something fruity, like you did.”

Harry blinks at you for a short second and then gently takes the cone from your hand, replacing it with his and your heart skips a beat. 

“But it’s yours!” you protest, but Harry just shrugs, his free hand taking yours as he pulls you over to a bench. You’ve been walking around for quite some time, he knows your feet must feel sore by now. He’s right.

“It’s yours now.”

“Are you sure?” you ask with puppy eyes.

“Yeah,” he nods and leaning closer he kisses your lips shortly before licking into his new ice-cream. 

You watch for a second, so thankful for having him, he is always so thoughtful, he just wants you to be happy and he cares about you, putting you above everything all the time. He is such a good man and you know he’ll be the best father.

You sit on the bench, enjoying the break from the walking as you finish the ice-creams and when yours (Harry’s) is gone, you let out a sigh. One single sigh.

Harry stands up and heads back in the direction you came from.

“Where are you going?” you call after him. Stopping, he looks back at you.

“You want more, right?”

“I, uh…” you trail off, ashamed to admit that you do in fact want more.

“Y/N, I know you,” he smiles at you. “Same flavors?”

“Yes please,” you smile at him shyly.

You watch him walk back up the hill and disappear in the tiny ice-cream shop and a few minutes later he emerges with another cone of icy happiness. Arriving back to you he hands you the ice-cream and presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Thank you, you’re the best, H!” you let out a pleased sigh.

“Anything for my girls,” he smirks and watches you eat your second ice-cream with a bright, proud smile.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[mariamuses]

stop it 😭😭😭

Better or Worse {Epilogue}

Nessian. Angst. Modern AU.

@snelbz x @theladyofdeath collab

Better or Worse Masterlist

A/N: The end. :) Thank you for reading! We've appreciated all the love and support. I'm hoping to start posting a new project soon. Stay tuned!

~ Cassian ~

“What the hell are you doing?!”

I freeze, blinking, and slowly slide my eyes to where Nesta is standing at the kitchen’s threshold, gaping at me.

“What?”

“You can’t have her that close to the stove! What if she catches on fire?!”

I look down to where Evelyn is strapped to my chest, swaddled in the cotton wrap that leaves only her face popping out, her little cheek squished against my chest. She’s sleeping, snoring softly, and perfectly content.

“Nes.” I give my beautiful wife a look as I desperately try not to roll my eyes. “She’s three weeks old. What’s she going to do? Fling herself into the pot?” Nesta opens her mouth to protest, but I go on. “There’s only one burner on, and it’s on low, and it’s the back burner, and I’m letting it simmer. I’m just giving it a quick stir. I can assure you that no infant will be harmed in the stirring of this sauce that will blow your fucking mind. Calm down.”

As soon as those two little words leave my mouth, I know I fucked up. Backtrack. Rewind. The spoon in my hand stills as I clear my throat, scared to even look in her direction. “And…by ‘calm down’...I mean…I love you.”

She approaches, her footsteps light, and she stops beside me. “Be glad I love you too or I’d be tossing your balls into that pot right about now.” 

Pain. I feel physical pain at those words. Cringing, I set down the spoon and turn to face her. She’s not looking at me at all, but at the little bundle of joy we brought home three weeks ago. Nesta’s eyes are soft as she leans down and presses a soft kiss to Evelyn’s forehead. 

We were instantly in love. From the moment she was given to us, we knew that we were meant to be her parents. It’s hard as hell, raising an infant, and although it’s only been three weeks and I know it’s going to get a hell of a lot harder, I have never felt so fucking blessed. 

“Everyone should be getting here soon,” Nesta says, quietly, eyes meeting mine at last. She reaches up onto her toes and kisses me, softly. 

Rhys, Feyre, Azriel, and Elain were all in the waiting room at the hospital when Evelyn was born, but we haven’t seen them since. They’ve given us space to settle into our new roles, into this new life we’ve built for ourselves. The solitude, although necessary and beautiful, has been driving us a little crazy, though. Two days ago, Nesta came to me in tears, partly out of exhaustion, I’m sure, and told me she needed her sisters.

So tonight, I made dinner. 

Evelyn is in a pretty good routine and will most likely sleep for the rest of the night, only waking up to eat, but she can sleep anywhere. I have no doubt we’ll be passing her around so that everyone can get their baby fix. 

They all arrive together, six on the dot, and we greet each other as if we haven’t been all together in years instead of a matter of weeks. I don’t even care that the food has gone cold by the time we sit around the table, too much time being spent doting over the baby for it to stay warm. 

Even cold, it’s delicious, I must say. We eat and talk and laugh, and tell them all about every little detail of the last three weeks. Nyx is smitten most of all, wanting to sit next to his cousin at all times and hold her hand. He’ll be a fantastic big brother and I can’t help but wonder if Rhys and Feyre will have more kids. I know Rhys wants a house full, but he’s not the one doing the hard work. 

Once we’re full and the table has been cleared, we get comfortable in the living room. Elain is holding Evelyn while Azriel rocks a sleeping Sera. I’m convinced the two of them will be best friends and will most likely raise hell together. 

I can’t wait. But then again, yes I can, because she’s so sweet and innocent in this newborn stage that I don’t want that to change. Then again, I can’t wait to watch her grow, to see all those milestones and watch her grow into her own person. 

“Careful, dad, you’re getting teary-eyed,” Nesta whispers, leaning into me and patting my knee. 

I chuckle and pull her closer. “It’s the lack of sleep.”

Nesta rests her head on my shoulder. “Liar.” 

She’s right. It was a lie. I’m overwhelmed, so overwhelmed with love and contentment. We worked so hard to be where we’re at and although it’s not how we originally imagined, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d endure every bout of heartache all over again that led us here, to this, to her. 

Nesta.

Evelyn.

I watch as our family loves on our daughter, watch as our little circle becomes whole. I had dreamt of this, we both had for so long. The fact that it’s now reality is unreal. I feel like I’m dreaming and the fact that I’m not, yes…has me on the verge of tears. 

One must slip past my defenses because Nesta reaches up and wipes her thumb across my damp cheek. 

No one comments on my crying and I feel zero shame. There is no shame in being unimaginably happy. 

“Now I have two cousins,” Nyx says from where he’s climbing onto Rhys’ lap. He scrunches his nose. “When will I have boy cousins? Or a brother? There’s too many girls.”

Rhys laughs quietly. “These girls are going to grow up to kick your butt if you keep talking like that. Especially with these two brutes as their fathers.” 

Azriel snorts. “Cass will have Evie lifting weights daily by the time she’s two. She’ll probably be able to kick my butt.” 

Nyx laughs at this, head thrown back, his giggles loud. 

We stay sitting, talking, reminiscing until even Nyx is snoring soundly in his father’s arms. By the time we finally say goodnight, I’m spent. Exhausted. Can hardly keep my eyes open.

But I don’t care.

Sleep is irrelevant when everything has fallen into place, when every time your eyes are open you feel like nothing can go wrong. We’ve already had our heartbreak, have already faced our trials, and although I’m not naive and know that trials will still come…

I know, without a doubt, that everything will be okay. 

I’m sliding into bed as Nesta lays Evelyn in her bassinet next to her side of the bed. I watch as she stares at our daughter, knowing her heart is bursting with pride and love, mirroring my own. I lay down quietly, my eyes remaining on the outline of her frame in the darkness. 

“She’s perfect, Cass,” she whispers, and those damn tears return. 

“Yeah,” I agree, quietly. “She is.”

She climbs into bed and snuggles up close to me, my arms going around her without a thought. We close our eyes, quickly drifting into the four hours of sleep we’ll be getting, at most, before the soft cries of a newborn fills our silent bedroom. 

Sleep is irrelevant.

Our daughter is perfect.

My wife is the love of my life.

And I am whole. 

[mariamuses]

the end 😭😭

Better or Worse {20}

Nessian. Angst. Modern AU.

@snelbz x @theladyofdeath collab

Better or Worse Masterlist

A/N: I apologize for the long wait! Life got busy and we have a few other things we've been working on. Nonetheless, here is the final chapter! We hope you enjoyed this story and thank you for reading it, each week, and giving us such sweet comments, likes, and reblogs. The epilogue will be posted soon. x

~ Cass ~

Nesta was beautiful.

I spent the entire morning getting ready, so excited that I was making myself nauseous. I’ve never been one for waiting. Patience and I are mortal enemies. It was well worth it, though, the second that I saw my wife. She walked towards me with a bouquet of lilies, smiling brightly, and I could hardly contain myself.

And her dress.

The dress that Nesta chose for this perfect day was a garment made by the gods. Made nearly entirely of lace and covered in intricate beading, parts of it are damn near painted on. It perfectly magnifies her breasts and her ass, and although it’s not gentlemanly to focus on those two things, I don’t give a fuck. I can’t stop staring at either and I know damn well that that was Nesta’s intention. 

After I got past the dress and was able to think clearly, I delivered the most heartfelt vows I could possibly come up with. I’ve spent the last month working on them and had Azriel, Rhys, and both of my sister-in-laws proofread them. Nesta is obviously a fantastic writer and I was nervous that they wouldn’t live up to her level of perfection, but by the time I was done reading them, she was crying.

She kissed me right then and there, before she had even read her vows, not caring that we were surrounded by all of our friends and family and coworkers. It was a hell of a kiss, too. Her tongue met mine and it took every ounce of self control not to sweep her into my arms and carry her into a closed space. 

Especially in that dress.

I’m watching her now, dancing with her sisters with a drink in her hand. I can’t take my eyes off of her, I haven’t been able to since the moment she came into view a few hours ago. She’s been my wife for ten years and I can’t believe it. I’m so in love with her, more in love with her every day.

My feet are moving before my mind catches up with me. I’m close enough to touch her before she turns around and jumps, apparently not expecting me to sneak up on her. Or, judging by the slight glaze of her eyes, she’s just a little tipsy.

“Hi,” I say, grabbing her by her waist and pulling her close to me. ”Can we go now?”

She throws her head back and laughs which is one of the most beautiful sights known to man. “No. We just got here. Besides, we haven’t had dessert yet, and we all know that’s the best part.” 

I cock a brow. “I think dinner is the best part, but I see the appeal.” 

“Spoken like a chef,” she says, finishing off her drink and running her arms around my neck.

I’ve never been one to make dessert. It’s not my strength, at all, but damn it, I can cook a hell of a meal. 

“I think he’s enjoying himself, don’t you?”

I follow Nesta’s line of sight and snort. Eris is standing by the bar, drink in hand, scowling at the bartender as he flirts with one of my coworkers further down the line. “To be honest, I’m surprised you wanted to invite him.” 

Nesta shrugs. “We’ve been trying to get along better lately.”

“And how’s that going?”

She rolls her eyes. “About as you’d expect it to. Come on. Dance with me.”

I can’t say no to that. We make our way to the middle of the dance floor just as a slow song begins. Without any hesitation, I pull Nesta into my arms and begin swaying to the beat. 

Suddenly, it’s just the two of us. No one else matters, no one else exists. We are in our own little world, just as we were on the dancefloor ten years ago, just like we are whenever we are alone, as one. 

As she rests her head on my chest, I take a deep breath and think about everything we’ve been through, the highs and the lows, about how far we’ve come in a year. A year ago, our marriage was in shambles. Nesta was hurting in ways I couldn’t imagine, and while my heart was broken, too, we both let ourselves fall into our own brands of darkness. I wasn’t sure we would be able to pull out of it.

But here we are.

Here we are and I have never been so in love with my wife.

Lifting her head, Nesta gazes up at me. Her eyes are filled with tears, but they have been all day, so I don’t think anything of it until she says, “So I got a phone call earlier today.”

My eyebrows raise. “About?”

Gnawing on her lip, I can see she’s about to burst with the news. Whatever it is, the fact that she’s kept it from me until now is impressive. And when she speaks, my heart stops.

“About a possible placement coming up in a couple months.”

We stop swaying. We stop moving and I stare at her. “A couple of months?”

Nodding, she’s unable to stop the tears from finally spilling over. “There’s a young mother who just entered the program. She’s six months pregnant and wants her baby to have the best life possible, but knows that isn’t possible for her right now. We’re going to meet her next week.”

I’m speechless.

I’m rarely speechless, but right now, I have no words. I can’t stop staring at Nesta, with my mouth hanging open, as tears of joy run down her cheeks. She laughs, quietly, and cups my face in her hands. 

“Next week?” I ask, at last, and it’s nothing more than a whisper.

She nods, and her smile is so pure that it makes me weak. “Wednesday, ten o’clock.” 

“Wednesday,” I repeat, and swallow hard. I have so many emotions running through my body that I can’t contain, that can’t be deciphered, so all I let out is an eloquent, “Holy fuck.”

Nesta laughs as she nods once more, and then she’s kissing me. I take her into my arms and spin her around, not caring who sees. This is our night, and I don’t give a damn that anyone is watching. 

By Wednesday, we may be on the right track to having what we’ve wanted for so long. A baby. A family. The thought alone has me feeling more joy than I ever thought imaginable. Just when I think the night can’t get any better, it does.

When I let her feet touch the floor, I pull back to look at her and the smile on her face is breathtaking. She’s so damn beautiful and for a second, I can’t believe she’s mine. I don’t realize that I’m crying until she reaches up to wipe the tears from my face. She whispers, “I love you so much.”

There’s no hesitation in my answer. “I love you more.”

With a roll of her eyes, Nesta is rising up on her toes and pressing another kiss to my lips. “I haven’t even told my sisters. I told them the phone call was a business call.”

“We can wait,” I promise her. “Wait until we see where this goes. That way we don’t get anyone’s hopes up.” What I don’t have to mention is that I don’t just mean our family’s. I also mean our own. “Now come on,” I say, stepping back after I kiss her one last time. “Let’s go smash cake onto each other’s faces.”

We do just that and the rest of the night goes on with the same joy and celebration that has been present all day. After I shove cake into Nesta’s mouth, and all up the side of her face, we eat and drink and dance the night away. By the time midnight rolls around, Rhysand and Azriel are plastered and dancing with one another in the middle of a vacant dancefloor. Our guests have begun to leave and now very few of us remain. 

I sit between Elain and Feyre, finishing what’s left in our glasses, watching the two fools sway and sing obnoxiously for all to see. 

“I can’t believe I’m in love with that man,” Feyre mutters, although her voice is full of admiration.

“I can’t believe we procreated with them,” Elain adds.

I laugh, shaking my head. If I wasn’t so damn tired, I’d probably be out there with them, but I am. It was a long day, and I’m still not completely recovered from my drinking binge last night. It was all worth it, though. Every bit of it has been worth it.

My eyes wander over to Nesta, who is saying goodbye to some of our guests. All I’ve wanted since the moment I saw her earlier today was to take her away and have her all to myself. I’m tempted to drown myself in coffee so I have enough energy to do just that, now that it’s almost time to go home. 

Before I get the chance, Nesta turns and catches me staring. With one look at her raised eyebrow, I’m on my feet, crossing the room and wrapping her up in my arms. “Ready to go?”

Chucking, she asks, “How many more times are you going to ask me that?” Rising up on her toes, she leans up to kiss me.

I meet her halfway and answer with my lips still on hers. “Until you relent and let me take you home so I can ravish you.”

The way her eyes roll tells me that was exactly the answer she was expecting, but she says, “Let me say goodbye to my sisters and grab my stuff.”

“I’ll do the same.” She steps back, but I’ve got a hold of her hand. Bringing it to my lips, I press a kiss to the new band sitting alongside her original wedding set. “I love you.”

Her eyes soften and she pulls back into my body. “I love you more.”

I kiss her again, slowly, and she sinks into it. Before I can get too carried away, though, I break it off and step back with a groan. “Grab your shit. Quickly.”

She grins and her eyes light up, even as she rolls them. I force my own feet to go back to the dressing room and start throwing my stuff into my duffel bag. The door opens and closes behind me and I know it’s my brothers before I even turn to see them, practically carrying one another into the room.

“Cassssssss,” Rhysand grins, and throws himself into my arms, followed by Azriel. For a moment, we just stand there, drunkenly embracing, but then they pull back and Rhysand claps me on the shoulder. “We love you. We’re happy for you. We’re proud of you.”

He hiccups halfway through the word proud and there’s a good chance neither of them will remember this in the morning, but I have no doubt that he means every word.

And it means everything to me.

I drag them back into the reception hall with me, thinking they’d lose their way if I didn’t, and once they’re safely delivered to their wives, I find mine.

We didn’t announce that we were leaving. There were no sentimental parents waiting to see us off. Hell, we aren’t even taking a honeymoon, just taking two days off to fuck like animals at home and then get back to real life. So we don’t tell anyone as we meet in the front room and I take her bag, carrying it to the truck as we walk hand in hand. I chuck our bags in the back then make a dramatic show of opening the passenger door, before scooping her up and setting her in seat. She’s laughing by the end of it, so no matter how stupid I may look, it’s worth it. I hop in the front seat, the engine roars to life, and we’re out of there.

We’re passing through the main square when Nesta gasps. “You know what sounds so good, Cass? Fried pickles, we should stop at the diner and pick some up.”

It’s a damn good thing I know this town like the back of my hand because I’m staring at my wife, despite needing to have my eyes on the road. Blinking, I look forward. “We’re on the way home from our renewal—”

“And I want some fried pickles,” she interrupts, turning in her seat to face me. Her dress is a cloud of fabric on the floorboard, more dress than there is room at her feet.

“You know, I can make you—”

“No, no,” she begins, fully knowing that she has me wrapped around her finger and I’m going to do whatever she asks, despite my protests. “Fried pickles from the diner.”

I blink. “It’s almost one—”

“The diner is open twenty four hours, lucky us.”

With a reluctant sigh, and a laugh I can’t help, I turn right at the next set of lights and less than five minutes later, we’re walking into the diner. Every person in here — and there’s not many — looks at us in surprise and I suddenly feel on full display.

And I also don’t love how the guy behind the counter is staring at my wife.

We’re seated instead of getting takeout, although Nesta orders one basket of fried pickles for now and the other to go. Seeing how I’m apparently going to be up all night, I order a coffee and a breakfast special that consists of pancakes, bacon, and eggs, and we eat our strange middle of the night meal, sitting on the same side of the booth. 

By the time I’m full, all of my plates cleaned, Nesta is still munching on her fried pickles. She’s asked for more ranch twice, and completely drained them all, licking her fingers absentmindedly like she’s not wearing a stunning, expensive wedding gown. 

They give us our meal for free, as a wedding present. 

By the time we’re home, it’s three-thirty and her eyelids are heavy in the passenger seat, where she holds my hand while I pull into the driveway. I, however, am wide awake, thanks to my coffee refills while I waited for her to finish her basket of grease. 

After cutting the engine, I round the truck and open her door. Her head lulls in my direction and she smiles at me, sleepily. “Is there when you carry me across the threshold?”

I do. I lift her up, cradle her in my arms and carry her through the garage door, into the kitchen where Greg is sprawled out on the table, snoring softly. 

After kicking the door shut, I keep carrying her upstairs, through the dark, silent house. Our house, our home that’s full of love and will hopefully, one day, be filled with children. 

Maybe even one day soon. 

In our bedroom, I set her down and start unbuttoning the back of her dress. 

There are a lot of fucking buttons. 

She chuckles quietly as I work and when the band of her ivory lace thong she’s adorned starts to show, my fingers are nearly sore and I stop, muttering, “Surely you can get out of it without me doing the rest, damn.” 

“You weren’t having fun?” she asks, humored, as she lets the dress fall down to a pool around her feet.

“Who puts that many buttons on a dress? How long did it take you to get into that damn thing?”

She turns to me slowly and my eyes drift to her full breasts, bare and on display for me, nipples peaked. “I thought you liked the dress.”

“I loved the dress,” I say, and I did, even if I spent most the night dreaming of getting her out of it.

She stifles a yawn as she steps toward me and lays her hands against my chest. “There was a promise of you ravishing me once we got home, if I remember correctly.”

I huff a laugh and pull her waist closer towards me. “It can wait until tomorrow. You’re tired.”

She groans and runs her hands up my shoulders, her fingers into my hair. “I don’t think so.”

My grin barely has time to widen before her mouth is on mine, hungrily, and I’m carrying her to bed. My clothes end up in a heap by her dress and we make love, slowly, then we fuck like animals like we’ve done a million times before. It’s full of passion, longing, lust and love, wholly reverent. It’s two souls connecting, reminding each other of our past and promising each other our futures.

We have risen from the ashes. We’ve taken what was ruined, shattered, and made it whole once again. We fixed what was broken and made it stronger than it was before.

We lay awake, staring at one another in the quiet of the early morning, tangled in bare limbs. Her hair is a mess, her makeup is smudged, but I made true on my promise to ravish. She’s beautiful. She’s perfect, my wife, who is a mess of a woman. She feels more than anyone else feels, loves more powerfully because she gives that love away so rarely, keeps that love for so few. She is full of grief and trauma, and some days, self-loathing. But she is healing, has healed, has helped me heal, both alone and alongside her. Some days she makes me so angry that I want to rip off my face and throw it at her, but then she makes me so enraptured by love and adoration that I can’t even think straight. 

There is no other woman for me. She is it, my one and only, the other half of my very being, this woman that I married at nineteen. 

My soulmate.

My wife.

The mother of any children we may be blessed to have, biologically or not. 

And I am really fucking lucky. 

[mariamuses]

women of the world unlearn your massive guilt complex