marshmallowskies

[marshmallowskies]

the wild soul

My soul is larger than this room. It expands long beyond these four walls and spills out in every direction. It soars and sinks into the crevices of the world. Many dreams reveal its wanderings. But for now, it longs. My soul can only long.

My spirit is wild. It’s fierce and bold and stains every pavement. Full of colour. A mist that rains down on every building and courtyard. Sometimes it almost bursts. It hurts to rein back in, to cut off its dreams and leave its thirst unquenched. To pull it back to reality.

So many dreams and wants. Things to achieve and experience. With the thought and will of a conqueror, but the actions of the lost and miserable. So they stay hidden where they are.

They lay beneath the prison cell of flesh. Covered beneath peachy layers that groan and tire. Thoughts and dreams ricochet off the thick and spongy barrier toward their manifestation. So they sit and wait. Bubble under the surface and vibrate intensely with energy. 

But energy is what they cost. And in that sense, I am poor. I long to let them go, to free them and myself from the wants. To be present as they live out their fantasies. But they’ll have to sit and wait. Buried under layers of muscle and skin and regret. Gathering dust and vibrating slower and slower. Until they don’t move at all.

Maybe one day they’ll be free. Fly with the wind and explode with bursts of colour that showers the world in its electricity. But not in this lifetime.

#writing #writingprompt #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #chronicillness #pain #lol #dreams #wants

[marshmallowskies]

a fancy burial

The soil was moist and healthy under her touch. It stained her gloves and seeped through to her palms. She carried on, only wincing once at the sight of the satin. She picked up fistfuls of the dirt and thre them into the hole. 

Recent rain has made the soil easy to mold as it had a mushy texture and the bark was softened. But it all melted together, leaving her back to where she started. 

She let out a small cry of frustration as the heavens opened. Raindrops fell and delicately kissed the couiffs of her hair. She was distracted again for a moment by the appearance of her gloves. 

The soil mixed with the pearly white of the satin material. Purity unraveled by thick smudges of darkness. The corner of her mouth turned up at the irony of it. Rain fell harder now, soaking the hairspray out of her curls and they tumbled down to her shoulders in a matted and dark mess.

She glanced down and her dress and groaned. The innocent mauve train was coated in filth. Thin lace and netting was ripped and muddied; the pearls that delicately frosted the satin had ripped off or were hanging by a thread. She sighed.

This man would be more of a problem than when he was alive.

#writing #writingprompt #murder #ball #ballgown #fancyburial #femalemurderer #hehe

[marshmallowskies]

the fight

It hurts. It still aches, radiating from my core and out to the rest of my body. Tears threaten to stream from a dry river. It still pierces me when I least expect it. My wound still bleeds, the flesh torn viciously. 

It still breaks me. It dances around the edge of the recovered cracks, teetering dangerously on the edge. Sometimes it flashes a menacing grin before disappearing back into the darkness. 

But other times it moves faster. It plunges its fists within the cracks, scooping the pieces out by hand. Other times it delicately taps the surface until the surface caves in, sending an avalanche of grief through me. But its favourite thing to do it brandish a knife from under its belt. It smiles at me before stabbing between the cracks, laughing maniacally as crimson flows out.

It still hurts. But not as much as it did. The surface are stronger now and the cracks are smaller. More resilient. It still peers at me, waiting. But I’ve gotten stronger too. I’ve recovered into a thick white scar, an anecdote.

But I know I’ll feel it again, someday soon. And it knows that too. But what it doesn’t know is that I’m ready, and I’ll fight back with everything that I’ve got.

#mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #anxiety #grief #pain #strength #recovery #growth #writing #writingprompt

[marshmallowskies]

a place to call home <3

a place to call home

to be recognized and known

where inside jokes make the conversations

and old memories are projected with one word

to be classified and categorized

predicted and perceived

where being out of character is noticed

and no shards of personality are buried

beneath secrets and insecurity

no need to create an alter ego

a place to share hopes and dreams

life plans and career goals

with no scrutiny or doubt voiced loud or quiet

a place where feelings are shared

not only conversations of the soul

but dreams of romance and companionship

never met with judgement

a place where joy is found in loss

grief is shared and the weight is lifted by many arms

tears are embraced, expected and comforted

laughter outweighs the raising of voices

but silence and inaction are welcomed and blissful

a place to drool while sleeping

where messy hair and puffy eyes are a sign of beauty 

along with imperfection and comfy clothes

hugs are always accepted and necessary

moods are never neglected, feelings never rejected

we speak with words and actions

a place to be seen

to be known, to be myself, and to be what i want to be

and where they want me to be me

a place to call home.

#writing #writingprompt #family #friends #love #home #house #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters

[marshmallowskies]

beeping of the microwave

soft thud of sugar grains

flour dusting my pink apron

and cinnamon sprinkling across my face

the whizz of the mixer

a lick of the spoon

a gorgeous golden mixture

that’s delicately spooned into each dotted liner

an aroma of vanilla and cinnamon

wafting throughout the house

a cloud of spun cinnamon sugar

wraps around my cosy frame

lover playing on repeat in the warm kitchen

the ding! of a timer

the sugary steam surrounding me

the scent of vanilla essence lingering on my hands

warm and sweet filling my mouth

buttery and sweetness in a swirl

powdered sugar smudged across the tip of my nose

creamy frosting and rainbow sprinkles

the smell of baking

on a gloomy winter’s day.

#baking #marshmallowskies #writing #writingprompt #cupcakes #cinnamon #cinnamoncupcakes #cosy #cozy #winter #lover #taylorswiftlover

[marshmallowskies]

i don’t watch the news anymore

i barely even listen

i used to sit with clasped fingers

that crossed when the theme chimed

my eyes were wide and focused

as fear and possibilities ran through me

i don’t read the numbers anymore

or look at the decorated map with blood-red bullet holes in the centre 

instead i close the tab

i don’t watch the updates anymore

instead i sit under the pool of sunshine

pouring through the trees

and i listen to the birdsong

coming from high beneath the leaves

as the sunlight fills me with delicious heat

i read page after page 

absorbing every word

i calculate and problem solve

letting light and fresh air erase my frustration

i write and think

planning lines and metaphors

i stroke the sleek and soft fur

watching his chest rise and fall

and the softness of his slumber

i don’t watch the news anymore

i do anything but

and for once in my life

ignorance truly is bliss. 

#marshmallowskies #writing #writingprompt #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #covid19 #pandemic #selfcare

[marshmallowskies]

TW: eating and body issues mentioned :)

i’ve always hated my body.

at first it was too skinny, with my bones jutting out and the straps hanging off my shoulders. i couldn’t find the right size and the cute clothes didn’t fit me. people commented and told me that i looked like a skeleton. i felt ugly and lost. 

and so it started.

i wished that i was bigger. at times, i wished that i was so much larger that i could lose it all and be perfect. i wished that my metabolism was slower and that i could wear an outfit without excuses and having to pull a sweater over top.

and then it happened.

with age, my metabolism slowed and i got cosier and squishier. at first i was pleased. i could wear what i wanted. i wasn’t cold all the time. i felt brighter and confident.

until it was too much.

my thighs were comfy but too large. my stomach was small but it didn’t look right in my pants. my boobs were too big for cute shirts. i felt like i took up the entire room. i hid away the clothes i had wished to wear for so long and took on shapeless and baggy clothes that hid the extra weight.

and so it happened again.

i wished that i were smaller. i wished that i was skinnier. i wished that i took up less space and that my metabolism was faster. i stopped eating and started moving. i moved until my muscles ached and my body screamed for nutrients. but it wasn’t enough. 

until i realised what i’d done.

i was kinder to myself. i understood that my body changed for a reason and i welcomed it. i welcomed the extra weight. i welcomed the warmth and the softness of my body. i began to move for me and ate what made me happy. i wore what i wanted, no matter if it worked for me or not. 

and i was happy.

but then it was shattered again with reasons out of my control. a surgery, procedures, health that continued to decline. i found myself unable to eat, unable to walk, unable to live. the weakness tore me apart and my thoughts bounced around my brain.

the bones show through my pale skin. my tightest clothes hang off me. the pain leaves me unable to fulfill my cravings, to fill my body. it’s exhausting and i wish to be the young girl who was full and glowing with life.

i’m finally as skinny as i wanted to be. 

but it’s the worst feeling i’ve ever had.

#writing #writingprompts #eatingdisorder #tweating #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #health #bodydysmorphia #bodyissues #bodypositivity

[marshmallowskies]

strawberry cake

last night i dreamt of strawberry cake

though i don’t remember ever tasting it

but now my mouth is watering

and my mind itches to recreate it

it wasn’t the fancy type i expected

with elaborate decoration 

white piping all around the side

and it wasn’t a birthday cake, it was all mine.

it wasn’t a plain vanilla with strawberry pieces on top

nor was it an artificial pink

sculpted from jelly crystals

that smelt of strawberry essence

no, it was a simple and natural cake

a beige batter with flecks of red

that spun around as it mixed

then poured into tins and into the oven

as i nibbled on leftover fruit cubes

it was a 3 layer separated with vanilla frosting

wrapped in layers of the sweet, white nectar

then dusted with icing sugar

before being doused in colourful sprinkles

just to make it extra sweet.

its scent filled the air in a strawberry cloud

the sweetness glowing my face with joy

and i cut into the soft and sticky layers

taking the first blissful bite

i must make a strawberry cake.

#writing #writingprompt #marshmallowskies #baking #strawberry #strawberrycake #fruitcake #fruit #cake #sprinkles #cakerecipe

[marshmallowskies]

Day 2 - about life

a story that unfolds

stretching over chapters and pages

with ink that loops over worn parchment

flowing with seemingly no end.

there’s a beginning, a middle and an end

though there’s no clear order in which they come

chronologically, backwards or randomly

sometimes it’s not fair at all. 

it’s messy and full of surprises

some nice and some tinged with darkness

with crumpled pages and crossed out words.

and it’s a rollercoaster with twists and loops

broken safety bars and loose headrests

a highway with oil spills and accidents

a flaming kitchen fire.

it’s terrifying and raw

painful and blissful

something we take for granted

whether we’re allowed to or not. 

we’ll never know when the last page turns

the last loop twirls or when the road runs out

just when the light streams in 

and then it’s all over.

#poetry #poetrychallenge #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #life

[marshmallowskies]

Day 1 - About Feelings

I decided to do a 30 day poetry challenge with some prompts and they will probably suck but oh well!

a tsunami of sorrow

a hurricane of rage

an earthquake of panic

a heatwave of content

this is how much i love you.

anger burns a red inferno within my chest

misery flows in salty blue down my cheeks

a golden beam of joy glows on my face

fear crumbles a black hole within my soul

this is where i hear you.

mixing and matching

strong and weak

the fairly obvious and the hide and seeker

the distinct and the unexplainable

ones that swirl into a clump within my brain

this is how much i feel you.

#feelings #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #love #poetry #poetrychallenge #poetryprompt #marshmallowskieswriting

[marshmallowskies]

What if I never can again?

What if this is my last chance, the only time I get?

To ever feel their embraces, to hear their voices and see the smiles accompanying their words. What if it’s the last time I feel their kiss?

What if the next time I see their faces are in a casket?

You don’t want me and you never did. Lies blacken your tongue and the praise tumbles out, sickly-sweet. You sugarcoat and dip me in honey but I see the decay underneath. It rots you from the inside out. Yet you still paint your shell, hoping it won’t show through.

I can hear it in your voice. I see it in the coldness of your eyes. I feel it in the strokes of my leg that pulls a shiver up my spine, a swirling in my stomach. Fire burns through me when you speak. I have to restrain myself from releasing its flame. I can’t wait for when I can watch them lick your flesh, see your edges burn.

But the river of my love flows and the leashes on my heart tug me in another way. I couldn’t stand to hear the bullets from your mouth, though they’d fire from another’s gun anyway.

Yet I still want you because I want to be loved and wanted. I yearn to feel like I matter to you and that I’m good in your eyes. So I’ll go along with it, I’ll pretend. Put on a mask and a show, just like you do.

I wish I were oblivious again. So I could accept your touch and let your speech run over me without analysing a second meaning. I wish I could hear words as they’re meant to be. 

But you’ve spoilt it for me.

#writing #marshmallowskieswriting #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #toxicrelationships #sadness #lol

[marshmallowskies]

The fresh air is sharp and smells like the canvas of a tent. Dewdrops glisten on the grass. It creates a softness that I envelope myself into gratefully. A cold breeze bites at my bare shoulders as I take in the rolling hills and bright meadows. It chills my face and brightens my soul. The harsh cold stings my eyes in a nostalgic way, clearing my vision in all ways but physically. Lush pastures and bearing fig trees sway delicately on the horizon.

My woolly cardigan is pulled tighter across my frozen body. It embraces me in its motherly warmth. Warm liquid seeps through my bones; a mixture of sugar and honey. It coats me in a cosy glow as I turn the pages softly.

Gentle rain patters against the conservatory window. It sends delightful shivers down my spine. Sipping my beverage, I allow the comfort to swallow me whole. Leaves of many greens surround me in a way that reminds me that life is significant. Stalks entwine with the atmosphere and twist to metaphorical heights unreachable. A scent surrounds me in a curious haze. It’s the smell of something nostalgic that I can’t place but can never forget.

Wood crackles and sparks fly as the flames rise. They lick the bricks in the fireplace, wandering dangerously by the hearth. As I watch the embers and the white ash fall, the room fills with a gentle glow. It’s an angry orange but the calmness of the room softens its glare. The logs are stacked in a traditional yet unintentionally aesthetic manner, much like the rest of the place. I soak it in with silent appreciation.

Twilight comes fast. The sky casts its purple glow through the glass and moonlight pours onto the carpet. The birds call out somberly, a contrast to their morning chirps. 

And as I close my eyes to the rich dark sky, with the stars gleaming brightly, I make a wish. A wish on the sparkly dots that resemble the ones I’ve lost, the ones I’ve come so far to please.

I wish to never leave.

#writing #marshmallow #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #farm #calm #slowmornings #cosy #cozy

[marshmallowskies]

They are going to pass all of their finals

[marshmallowskies]

Pressure builds on my chest and I can’t escape. The weight grows heavier, plunging down and burying itself into my heart. The back of my neck tingles with anticipation. My body bristles in preparation. My stomach lurches. My palms sweat, waiting. 

But I don’t know what for.

Impending doom sets on me and the horror soundtrack plays. It squeals and screeches in my ear. But there’s no enemy in sight. All I see is the darkness of my room; feel the softness of my blanket. My chest fizzles with fearful fireworks. And my stomach continues to churn expectantly. 

Thoughts bounce around my head and the knot in my stomach tightens as I spiral. Further and further like Alice down the rabbit hole. But I can’t stop. And I don’t know why. My legs shake like jelly and I can’t breathe no matter how hard I try. I need to get out, I need to get away from here, I need to get out of my own skin.

Waves of panic rush through me. They drag me under the currents. I flail and try to swim my legs aren’t working. It feels like I’m wading through quicksand, pulled down and down by tiny atoms. Nothing is safe and nothing can help me as I spiral deeper into the darkness.

Nothing can touch me and my skin burns to the touch. The friction of the air against me is painful. Time slows yet speeds and my mind races but my body bounces and I have to get out. My stomach churns and it feels dangerous. It feels cold. It feels like the end of the world.

The panic has become a tsunami roughly sweeping against the shore and destroying everything in its path on the way through. The logic, the compassion and the life. The doom sits on me. My chest overflows and I have to get up and move. 

Then it retracts. Like the ocean floor has pulled a plug. It leaves me cold and empty without the blanket of its destruction. The sirens silence and my body drops with exhaustion. I feel released. Yet I’m still a prisoner, held captive by my own thoughts.

Nothing is safe. 

And maybe it won’t be again.

#anxiety #marshmallowskieswriting #anxietysucks #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #recovery #panic #panicattack #therapy #writing #prompt

[marshmallowskies]

It lay tossed in the middle of the sidewalk.

Soaked and covered in dirt.

Its body sagged with the weight of the elements. Its smile drooped, as if it knew what happened to it. What happened to her. A faded red peg faithfully clung to one of its ears. It had cracked in the middle but still held on. 

Its head tilted to one side, the age worn onto it. A line of stiches on its dirt-streaked stomach told its story. But its presence told another one, and it was the final piece to the puzzle. The one to a wasgij, because everything had seemed clear but was proving to add up to a different picture.

He almost didn’t want to pick it up.

He paused, crouched on the ground in a stance that would enlighten any yoga instructor. His hand froze before it could land on it. His face contorted with an expression that he often didn’t show. His brows and eyes fell with loss and his mouth drooped in the same fashion as the rabbit’s. He seemed to be trapped in a bubble of grief, time stopping for this moment.

It was only when a bird flew ahead, blocking the light with its wing and casting a shadow on the pavement, that he was brought back. It seemed to startle him, the way that the cars were honking and people were walking past. He heard their conspiratorial whispers as though they were shouts. 

It was then that he regained control over himself. He continued his reach, though it was hesitant. He gazed at the object in his hand, gingerly turning it over. He flinched when water poured through the cracks of his fingers. The bunny seemed deflated, only more so with relief.

He turned it over again, tracing the flannel fabric gently. His hands seemed too big, too rough and too dirty for the job. It felt melancholy under his fingertips. He felt the velvet interior of an ear, which flopped against his knuckles. He could feel the history. It spoke to him, sharing memories and feelings that he could only imagine. But it would not confess. It didn’t want to think about it; didn’t want to feel it all over again.

And he understood.

He stood up, only then realising the fiery ache in his calves. He held it in front of him and this seemed to make it real. And then, as if they hadn’t watched him delicately fondle it with that look on his face, he held it up so they could get a better look.

‘Here it is folks,’ he said, his voice more gruff that usual.

He played it like the last few moments hadn’t happened. He wasn’t a guy like that. He wasn’t about to get attached to a toy. And he wasn’t gonna let them know that, either.

‘Here’s the evidence to lock her up for good.’

#marshmallowskieswriting #writing #writingprompt #writingpromptphoto #crime #thriller #crimeshortstory

[marshmallowskies]

I wore a bikini to the beach today. For the first time since I was nine. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me.

The countless hours of pinching and checking in the mirror were forgotten as I saw the naturality of my own body. When I was surrounded by laughter. As the sun warmed my skin, all that I could feel was the negative thoughts blowing away with the wind. Days of obsessing and minutes that were lost felt like a distant memory. 

I was at home with myself.

Grains of sand stuck to me like glue and the salty water embraced me like an old friend. I grinned when it froze me with its touch. Laughter rang in my ears from the others. And the bouncing of my body as it jiggled happily made all of this worth it. 

And then I saw a photo.

My smile faded and the thoughts came crashing back. Analysing every part of me and calculating the portions filled my mind. How could I ever be happy looking like that? How could I smile when all I had was fat?

Then I see the swimwear flung on the floor and pride flushes warmly in my chest. Because I did that. And it felt good. And in that moment, calories and fat were forgotten. I felt free and a kind of happiness that I have never felt before.

Because it isn’t about me. It’s not about the way I jiggle and how my thighs touch and how that girl was skinnier than me. It’s about the way I smiled, the way I danced and the way I laughed with my friends.

So I will wear it again and I’ll wear it with a smile. Because all bodies are good bodies, including mine.

#marshmallowskieswriting #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #recovery #edrecovery #bodydysmorphia #happiness #love #allbodiesaregoodbodies

[marshmallowskies]

The clock tells me to sleep, but my mind and body are wide awake. Eyes hungrily absorbing the words while my fingers flip the pages. Scenes play out in my head. They act out a chapter of my imagination, a segment of my dreams.

The room grows dark and my muscles heavy. My eyes close. But the pull of sleep is weak and my mind wanders. The sense appears. The sense to become one with the night. To feel the wetness of the grass and gaze upon the starry twilight. It goes off like an alarm and I can’t silence it.

Tiptoeing out of bed, I pull the blind and look out into the night. Stars pepper the sky. It’s a blanket of deep blue like the ocean. I crack open the window and stick my head out, feeling the night air wrap around me like a nostalgic hug. It smells like school camp. It smells like early morning runs. It smells like laughter and sleepovers at the beach.

I creep out into the night, feeling the dewy grass beneath my feet. Crickets chirp and trees dance in the breeze to their song. It sends loving chills throughout my body. And I feel the love seep through me. 

I could sit here forever. And I would. The sun is heavenly and days are bliss, but the night is my favourite. Dusk settles and the world sleeps. But my soul aches for more, to go, to be. And one day I want to silence the yearn.

But for now, I’ll settle for my voyages in the dark.

#writing #writingprompt #writingprompts #marshmallowskies #marshmallowskieswriting #night #adventure #wanderlust #wander #travel