gifted kid burnout things that no one seems to talk about:
- the raw panic of hearing about your potential, positive or negative
- a weird brand of imposter syndrome where you genuinely think you’ve fluked your way through every success and you’re gonna be Exposed as a Fraud
- never having learned how to study and having no idea where to start now that you need to
- reading college level books as a kid but being basically illiterate now
- dismissing your struggles as irrelevant because other people have it harder and i should be smart enough to handle this
- feeling like you’ve lost all control over your life (maybe manifesting into depression, anxiety and disordered eating in a grasp for control over something)
- being unable to decide on a career path because you could have had everything, only to watch those opportunities disappear as you fail to commit
People are more interested in showing they have been to a certain place, by the glory and the status that it gives them, than to understand the soul and magic of said place or monument.
I would like to get lost in contemplation, like I did that time, when I was in front of theat girl with the earing. Before someone pushed me to take a picture of her eternally surprised face. Why can’t they feel it ? The love and melancholy that the painter put in her eyes ? Was it the reflection of his own soul ? How can we know if we never stop blinding her with our flashes ?
The reason I don’t go out is not because I don’t like outside. It is because rare are the old bookshops, coffee house or museums that aren’t filled with people all the time. Gothic churches have lost their atmosphere of crushing and dramatic but emphatetic power, cemetery have now so many people coming to pray their respects to famous dead people without caring about the grave without name with the angel crying and the tree growing. You cannot walk alone in the forest anymore without fearing that, not an evil spirit or a faerie will play a trick in you, but a human will attack and harm you. I would like to be a ghost in this time where no one else can go out. So I could walk through the streets at night and not fear to be attacked, or run in the empty Greek aisle of the Louvre. Walk trough the Tuileries garden in the rain to take a look at the Nymphéas while my heart would think in it’s most primitive language, poetry.
Write they say…
My head is filled with images and words yet my depression and anxiety hold knives and teeth at my throat and head telling me my words are not worth it.
It hurts each night not knowing whether my art is worth the time of a soul in lands far from mine let alone souls a few doors away.
I always wanted someone
to read between the lines
to ask why I chose that word
in that place -
someone who considers those kinds of things
is a rarity,
at least in my world.
they’re a burning torch
in dark times
I can see
a little better
it’s not so dark
with all this fire
My friends are my lovers. I woo them, gift them flowers, write letters for them to find when I’m not here and they’re lonely. I read books they’re interested in, I plan holidays in places they like, I teach them to bake, we drink tea under the stars. I wake up if they call me at 2 am saying that they need me, I go out in a rainy Sunday dawn to bring joy on their faces. I treat them right. Like every beautiful person deserves to be treated. And if people can’t understand how much I treasure them, I don’t care . They are the lovers of my mind. They inspire my poetry, they nourish my soul, make my heart warm and shine like the pigments of the aquarelle on my palette.
Me : *dancing on glee covers in the dark at 2am*
The ghost haunting my house : *vibing with me *
Human, minding their own business in their room: Oof..I’d sell my soul to the devil for a buttered croissant right now.
Diavolo, bursting into their room from a portal of fire with a plate full of them: BONJOUR! *wiggles brows and smiles*
His seven rulers have been too occupied with MC so he’s doing the job himself
Do I really need to add a caption ?
Heh so I am so proud of this one ! It’s the first full illustration I do on my iPad and I am so glad it turned that way ! I was really scared it would be awful
So, here are two of my principals ocs, Yue, the red-haired babe and Shayli, my calm girl