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Damian the Dog

Inspired by Grumpy Cat, written by @adrestar

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So what if Marinette moved to Gotham Academy, probably because of Lila bullshit or Guardian Duties.

She is mostly alone so she get a dog who she named Damian.

I actually look up on what type of dog she would have because I don't have a lot of knowledge on dogs. I wanted a small cute black dog. I am going with a Pomeranian or a Scottish Terrier.

It's all fine and going dandy. When one day, Damian overhears the new girl talking about him.

Marinette of course has zero interest in celebrities so she has no clue she is in the same class as Damian Wayne. Her classmates asked if she had any pets so she starts talking about her cute little Dami and showing off pictures of him.

"Look at my Dami. Isn't he adorable?" Marinette cooed, "I just love running my hands through those thick black luscious hair."

Damian gets the idea that Marinette is a stalker or a fangirl who is deluded herself into thinking she is dating him but brushes her off as mostly harmless. He can correct her at any time she steps out of the line.

Let the misunderstandings commence!

Fast forward the next few days, where Marinette keeps talking about her dog and no one has clued her in on the fact that there is a human with the same name as her dog going to classes with her.

Human Damian thinks she has very active imagination, going as far as to fake bite marks on her arms after a supposed passionate embrace.

(Damian the Dog is still being trained. Idk abt raising dogs so I hope I am right.)

The weekend arrive and Damian is at the dog park with Titus. Then he heard the insufferable voice calling out for him,

"Damian. Where are you? Come out. Damian. Dami."

He hid himself for a while, hoping she will give up sooner or later. But no, she keeps coming closer to the spot where he was hiding and calling out his name. Then, Titus blew his cover by coming back with the ball he was sent to fetch.

Thinking he had no choice but to reveal himself, he burst out of the bushes, scaring Marinette.

Meanwhile, Marinette was at the dog park to let Damian out of the apartment and get some exercise. She was kept an eye on him as he ran around but after a phone call from Jagged Stone for a new jacket, she had lost sight of her dog.

Then, while she looked for Damian the dog, someone jumped out of the bushes, giving her a scarce.

She realised that he was a boy from her classes and before she could ask if he had seen her dog, he began yelling at her.

"Listen up, harlot. Get out of your delusional fantasies of dating me and leave me alone." He yelled at a very confused Marinette. Human Damian continued to threaten her with lawsuits on the grounds of stalking, defamation and false claims.

Marinette gets fucking pissed at what the rude guy was yelling at her for no reasons but before she could retort, he stomped away with his dog trailing behind him.

"Come on, Titus. We don't have spend more time with this waste of space."

Marinette is so furious that if she was in Paris, she would have been akumatised for sure. She decided to calm down and go look for Damian, not the human. Arriving at home, she found a lawyer waiting for her and they handed her a thick files of all the charges she was being sued for. It was official she had met someone worse than the Chloe Bourgeosis.

So Marinette decides to stress bake about the problem. Ultimately, she made too much and decided to give away some to her next door neighbour, Jason.

Marinette had been living in Gotham for about a month and Jason knows about her habit to stress bake. They first met when Jason accidentally snuck up on her and she judo-flipped him who was 3 times bigger than her. Jason is impressed and Marinette is mortified. They became friends. Jason cooks her meals sometimes and she bake him desserts. It was a fair trade.

Anyway, Jason asks about her problem and Marinette starts a rant about this rich entitled dick she met who was from her class and she had coincidentally met him at the dog park while looking for Damian. Then, he called her a bunch of insults and names, accused her of stalking him and he had sent lawsuits to her address. Which was bad because she had her business as MDC to consider and this will affect her income.

While ranting, Marinette saw Jason's law degree which he had displayed, partially for his cover as a normal civi but mostly to brag to his siblings about being the only one who graduated from college and law school and rub it in Bruce's face. (We all seen the Jason became a lawyer to get Joker a death sentence post right? So Joker is dead here.)

"Can you be my lawyer? Or can you recommend me one? I promise I can pay you."

Jason patted her head, "Pixie, I will do this for free. I don't know which prick decided to mess with you but I will make him pay. Besides, I can't stand guys like that. You are actually doing me a bit of a favor to knock someone like that down a few pegs. Legally."

Marinette insisted to pay him but Jason compromised to get a cake for an entire month instead for taking the job.

When Jason looked through the papers, he noticed it was from the Wayne Family Lawyers so he decided to go to the Manor to get to the bottom of it. Jason arrived in the middle of Damian on a warpath.

He asked Tim who was the closest and furiously typing on his laptop about what is going on with Damian.

Tim answered, "Apparently there's this girl who is stalking Damian. She claimed to be dating him at school and she showed up while he was out with Titus, looking for him. Right now, I am just checking if she is just delusional and harmless or someone dangerous."

Jason connects the dots between Dog Damian and Human Damian and he tried not to burst out laughing right then and there. "That's good to hear. Anyways, I came here because I forgot something. I am going to see Alfred before I go. Have fun with the lawsuits."

Jason spent the rest of the way home, cackling and the funniest way to win the case.

On the day of the court date,

The rest of the Waynes are surprised to see Jason there in a suit. Dick was understandable, Tim was just there to make sure it goes smoothly, Bruce is also reasonable, Damian is the 'victim'.

"Todd, why are you here?"

"You'll see."

Then, they started telling people to enter before they could get more answers. They soon found out that Jason was the lawyer for the other side.

"Todd, you traitor. How dare you work for the opposition!"

Marinette had arrived with a pet carrier with a dog which Damian claimed was to appeal to his animal lover side.

blah blah blah. Legal procession. I don't know how it goes.

Anyways, it is time for Marinette's defense.

"Your honor, I would like to present evidence which proved that my cilent is innocent in all the charges the plaintiff has accused her of."

"Proceed."

Jason brought out the pet carrier and took out Dog Damian.

"Your honor, this is my client's dog. She was gifted this dog before she moved here to Gotham. I have the receipts to prove this."

"What is the point of this?"

Jason dramatically held up the adorable fluffy black dog which looked like a doll in his hands, "Your honor, the dog's name is Damian." Jason claimed while staring straight at Human Damian.

Dog Damian woofed at the sound of his name. There was a shocked silence that followed.

Jason proceed to give more evidence that yes, the dog name is actually Damian like giving commands using his name and adoption certificate to get rid of any doubt.

"He claimed to have heard her talking about her dating but what were the actual words you heard her say?"

"That I am adorable and she likes running her fingers through my soft dark hair."

"Your honor, my cilent was actually bragging about how cute her dog is and how she likes petting Damian the dog's obviously black fur. And you also claimed that she stalked you to the dog park and called out your name several time. She was there by coincidence because the park is the closest to her apartment and she was calling his name because she had lost sight of Damian. Dog Damian I mean. It was Human Damian's fault for assuming she was calling out for him."

Jason continued to explained how each claim was Damian's own misunderstanding of the situation and there are statements from his classmates who confirmed that Marinette was talking about her pet dog. They didn't told her about Human Damian because they found it funny that her dog had the same name.

"In addition, my cilent had no idea who Damian Wayne was. Only knowing him as her classmate. "

Tim is right now filming and having the best time of his life as he watched Damian wished that the ground would swallow him whole. Dick is trying so hard not to laugh while Bruce's lips were twitching.

Jason decides to make a counter-law suit for the emotional damage and potential financial damage Human Damian had caused Marinette by suing her for millions when she was just a struggling student, getting by on her own income in a foreign country.

Marinette stopped him, "Jason, this is enough. I am fine with a hand-written apology."

"The amount I am asking for is just a drop of water of an ocean for them. They are that filthy rich. Besides, you can get that motorcycle side-car for Damian you had been eyeing a while ago. You can also use the money to buy dog stuff that you couldn't before because of your budget."

Marinette hesitated and agreed. The case ended with it in Marinette's favor.

Tim approached them as they exited with Marinette hugging Damian (the dog) and Jason grinning in glee over his victory and simultaneously humiliated Damian (the human) in the process. Tim high-fived Jason.

Tim offered a job to Marinette because he had done a background check on her due to the potential threat she posed and found out about MDC. He does it because he liked her talent and it would look great to have Wayne Enterprise on her resume. Also the best dirt on Damian.

Marinette told him that she would think about it and he gave her a card.

Damian wrote the apology letter, very embarrassed by the entire trial. His pride wouldn't recover for a while and he took it out on Jason who knew about it the entire time and didn't tried to stop and clear up the misunderstanding.

The next day at school, Marinette went to Damian's seat and said, "Good morning, Human Damian."

"Why are you calling me like that?"

"I am sorry. I thought you would appreciate the clarification of which Damian I am referring to. I wouldn't want to end up in court again after being branded as a delusional fangirl of yours because I was just talking about my adorable Dami. I meant to say My adorable dog, Dami. Human Damian."

For the next few months, everyone keeps referring to Damian as Human Damian.

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What do you do when confronted with with your Secret identity? Deny! 

I am in a good mood so I decided to share this crack idea I had a few nights ago. @noir-renard helped with some parts of the ideas so check them out! If it’s in bold the the idea was from them. Sorry in advance for this mess of a post.

Somehow some way The Justice League runs into a very sleep deprived Phantom. When asked for his name Danny accidental replies with his civilian name. Out of pure embarrassment he just leaves, goes home and sleeps.

So the next morning when the JLA is knocking on his front door, interrupting his coffee, Danny does the most logical thing and denies everything.

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Danny: “Yeah no this happens a lot actually. His name is Danny Phantom, which sounds a lot like Danny Fenton. With us being named Danny and living in Amity we get switched around all the damn time.”

Because like what can they do, if when presented with evidence Danny just like “that isn’t me.” I like to imagine Barry in particular is calling his BS

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Barry: “But he said Fenton!”

Danny: “Well you heard wrong Mister Flash ” *sips coffee*

Barry: “You look just like him!”

Danny: *Shrug shoulders* “Merely a coincidence.”

Barry: “We have video evidence of you transforming behind a burger joint.”

Danny: “Whoa there buddy you are staring to sound a lot like Wes.

——

Danny: "You think I am ghost? Well could a ghost do this?" *Smacks hand against the wall*

Barry, now unsure of himself: "Uh, I don't know?"

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Danny: “Look Mr. The Flash, if it's really that important to you I guess you can pretend I'm Phantom, but as you can see I'm an alive boy. Do you want me to be a not-alive boy that badly? I don't know how to take that.”

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Imagine the Fenton parents hearing the justice league accusing Danny of being Phantom.

Maddie: “How dare you you compare our Danny to that ghost?!”

Danny sipping coffee in the background: 👀☕️ “You tell ‘em mom!”

———-

Ignore this god awful post just a little idea I had.

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older comics are so funny I love them

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tim: murder is always bad, except when it's jason

dick: what, so jason gets a pass?

tim, freeing himself from the ropes tied around him because it's been twenty minutes and jason is still chatting with their kidnappers instead of rescuing them: no, i mean i'm gonna kill him and it will be justified

EDIT: DON'T TAG THIS AS SHIP THEY ARE BROTHERS

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this came to me in a dream

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Dick: Hello? Bruce, where on earth are you?

Bruce: (on the phone) I waved to a man because I thought he was waving at me. Apparently, he was waving to the guy behind me. So to get out of the awkward situation, I kept my hand up so a taxi pulled over and drove me to the port. I am now in Kazimierz , investigating a new case. I should be home by Thursday.

Dick: Wait, wha-

Tim: Understandable, have a nice day.

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[Someone videotaping Joker everyone is obviously drunk] Scarecrow: "Time for a fun psychological game! Joker is up first! So Joker, the game is Fuck, Marry, Kill. Greatest Enemies Edition. Your options are Batman, Jim Gordon, Bruce Wayne. Go!"

Joker without missing a beat: "Fuck Batman because that would be some spicy fun. Marry Bruce Wayne, the tears from the lady's would be grand and I would get to live at Wayne Manor and look at him he's like a Greek God! And obviously kill Jim Gordon. "

This video goes viral. In retaliation the Batfam decides to do a video of Batman while out on patrol. Of course the first few minutes are him saying they need to focus but then he relents.

[Video of Batman facepalming but looking at the camera with a, 'let's get on with it's face.] Batgirl (the purple one): "Alright Gotham you've seen the Joker's version now it's Batman's turn to play Fuck, Marry, Kill. The rules are simple B. We give you three names and you have to pick which one of them you would fuck, marry, and kill respectively."

Batman: "But I don't kill."

Batgirl: "Yes. We know. But for the game you have to pick, who, hypothetically you would want to kill."

Batman: "I don't hypothetically kill."

Batgirl: "Oh my God. Fine. We'll change it up for you. Fuck, Marry, and Beat Senseless. Good? We good? Great! Okay your three names to choose from are three of Gotham's Rogues!"

Batman: "Okaaay?"

Batgirl: "Your names are, Joker, Scarecrow, and Riddler. Oh and give reasons!"

Batman: "...You're serious? Fine. Fuck Joker, I don't know I've heard hate sex is a nice thing. Marry Scarecrow, he's a doctor? We could have nice intellectual conversation. Beat Riddler. To shut him up. There you happy? Now let's finish up patrol."

Batgirl whisper shouting to the camera: "OHMYGOD i didn't think he would actually do it!"

Gotham goes crazy. Of course it goes viral. But then, oh but then. Some show has Bruce Wayne on as a guest and guess what they decide to play just for fun? You guessed it.

Host of show: "Now Mister Wayne we are going to play a game that's popularity has skyrocketed in Gotham recently, Fuck, Marry, Kill! Are you ready to play?"

Bruce wanting to die inside: "Of course! I've heard about the game from my kids but I haven't played it personally so this should be fun."

Host: "Hahaha got to love your kids am I right? Anyways! On to the names! We decided to pull names out of a bowl. We've mixed both hero and rogue names from Gotham in here so let's see who we get!....Joker!...Batman!....Oh and Riddler!"

Bruce who wants the ground to swallow him whole: "Ahahaha...what a mix!"

Host: "Indeed! Now what's your choices Mr. Wayne. I do have to say, one of those choices has said they would Marry you! Let's see if you pick them as well!"

Bruce, who is contemplating faking a heart attack or something: "Hahahaaaaa...Okay well I guess the first option is uh, Joker? I don't know why but yeah let's go with Fuck Joker. Marry Batman, he could protect me from all the kidnappers. And Kill Riddler. He's taken my kids captive multiple times.

Again this goes viral and Joker is more than a little hurt that Billionaire Bruce Wayne doesn't want to marry him and would want to marry the Bat instead. And maybe he takes this out on the Bat a little. Riddler is just hurt overall and is definitely not sulking. Bruce's kids are having the time of their life. Next time Bruce gets kidnapped by Joker, Joker legit asks him why he wouldn't want to marry him.

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*Jon and Damian having dinner at the Manor, the rest of the BatFam around. Marinette is sitting next to Bruce, chatting about something with him.*

Damian: “Wait, you haven’t told him yet?”

Jon: “Well, I mean, it’s my dad we’re talking about! He’s awesome but, I guess I’m just worried about how he’ll react?”

Marinette and Bruce: *looks over, suddenly interested*

Bruce: “Clark? What haven’t you told him yet?”

Jon: *squirms* Well, uh, me and Dami dating. It’s just. Dad’s, y’know, the stereotypical white, straight, country guy—

Marinette: *Choked on her water as soon as Jon said ‘straight’ and Bruce has to thump her back*

Damian: ???

Marinette: *catches breath* wait wait wait. You mean you’ve gone your whole life thinking your dad is straight???

Bruce: *can’t stop grinning now* Well, he has been married to Lois for Jon’s whole life, Mari. You can’t blame him that much.

Jon: wait what.

Damian: explain. Now.

Marinette: *starting to gesture wildly in both confused panic and a desperation to Correct Misconceptions* Guys, my lovely boys. Have you not seen all the pictures of me, Clark, and Bruce all together in the hallway for like, most of our adult lives since we turned twenty??? Have you ever wondered why there’s always two of us holding hands???

Damian: *starting to catch on* oh no

Marinette: There was a huge love triangle for, like, so many years that none of us could resolve. Except the triangle was constantly shifting. I had a crush on Clark first because Bruce’s whole playboy thing annoyed the hell out of me, but he had a crush on Bruce and Bruce has a crush on me. But then Bruce started crushing on Clark right when I started crushing on Batman, before the whole identity reveal thing, and Clark got a sudden crush for Ladybug. But then Batman and Superman started dating, again when I was the only one who was clueless, and I went through this whole ‘my crush is gay let me wallow in peace’ moment, but then they broke up and SuperMan started dating Lois the first time, and suddenly Batman was dating Catwoman. And it sunk in; their both Bi, I’m back in business! And I almost killed Selina on accident because of a plan gone wrong that ended up with all three of us accidentally revealing our identities to one another and Bruce held a serious grudge for like, three months. Selina just had me help her steal something and all was forgiven, but then Bruce held a totally separate yet coexisting grudge for another few months. Clark broke up with Lois the first time— I had put two and two together by then— and asked me out. But turns out, he and I are way more like siblings and it ended suuuuper quickly. Like, within a week. But he started dating Bruce again after he broke up with Selina, and Selina and I hit it off during said stealing co-op and had a couple dates that went nowhere, which meant we found out that all three of us were bi disasters. And then Clark worked things out with Lois and Bruce finally asked me out and the whole situation took almost ten freaking years. But yeah, here we are.”

Jon:...

Damian: ...

Jon: “hold on, I’mma fly out and just drop the bomb that I’m gay with no explanation. That’s my revenge for dad not telling me about this sooner.”

Damian: “Record it for me.”

Jon: “I’ve been worrying over NOTHING for WEEKS!”

Damian: “make him suffer.”

Jon: “I’ll decorate the whole house in pride flags while he’s gone, walk in, and say; ‘I’m so gay I make you look straight’ and see his reaction.”

Damian: “I repeat, record it.”

Bruce: *looking over at Marinette* “this is your fault.”

Marinette: “Clark got to kiss you first. This revenge has been years in the making.”

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Chapters: 3/? Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Damian Wayne, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Jason Todd, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Bruce Wayne, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Selina Kyle, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Harleen Quinzel, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Pamela Isley Characters: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug's Parents, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Alix Kubdel, Bruce Wayne, Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley, Dick Grayson, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Jason Todd, Joker (DCU), Classmates (Miraculous Ladybug) Additional Tags: Not a Salt Fic, possibly minor salt, but right off the bat this fic is not gonna be salt centric at all, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Appreciation, BAMF Adrien Agreste, Bamf marinette, Bio!mom Harley Quinn, Bio!dad Joker, Ivy acting as a motherly figure, harley and Ivy are good parents, good parent sabine, Good Parent Tom Dupain, Good Parents Sabine Cheng & Tom Dupain, I told you there is very little salt here, gotta make room for the action and drama, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, he still has issues with emotions though, but not too bad, Damian Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Damian Wayne Has a Heart, Protective Damian Wayne, Marinette keeps secrets, Super Strategist Marinette, marinette is good at planning, Hawkmoth is better at keeping secrets in this story, Gabriel Agreste still sucks though, Bad Parent Gabriel Agreste, I can salt on Gabriel but also canonically he sucks, Slow Burn, Lots of drama, lots of action, joker can choke on a cactus, violence that can be expected of the Batman universe, violence picks up in severity steadily, the goal is to stay away from Joker at all costs, But you should all know fanfic well enough to know that isn’t gonna happen, It’s not even a spoiler it’s just fact, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Post reveal Adrien agreste, Adrien Agreste Knows, Good Teammates Adrien and Marinette Summary:

When Harley Quinn asks the BatClan for help, they listen. Because if she’s going to them, of all people, it’s because she doesn’t need help with something illegal, or with taking someone down, or teaching anyone a lesson. The only reason Harley would ask them for help is if someone, or something, that Harley considered important needed protecting.

Or if the Joker was involved.

Luckily (that was sarcasm) for all of Gotham, this particular story involves both of those prerequisites being met at the same time. Her daughter, who she has kept secret for years, is coming to Gotham and the last thing Harley wants is for the Joker to find out about her.

But her daughter isn’t walking into the lion’s den for nothing. She has her own mission in mind, one that she also needs the help of the Bats for.

So, all in all, it’s the usual Gotham chaos.

#bio!mom au #ml fanfic #bio!mom #ml x batfamily