miaanidiotsandwich

[miaanidiotsandwich]

[miaanidiotsandwich]

"You make me wanna die. I'll never be good enough."

The Pretty Reckless, "Make Me Wanna Die"

[miaanidiotsandwich]

And my whole family judge me as an lazy ass shit and the lowest from the low in the world

[miaanidiotsandwich]

Feeling pain, crying, being depressed, hurt, sick and tired are human...

Well, I do not want to be human

[miaanidiotsandwich]

[miaanidiotsandwich]

[miaanidiotsandwich]

So, the Knight of Light has taught me something really important that I have to enjoy suffering for people around who do not care about me at all. I know it sucks dickhole.

But, that's my life and I have to accept that. I am too desperate and hopeless. I can't find any happiness or freedom because of my parents. This life is a real cage and I can't get out of this cage no matter how hard I've tried many times.

[miaanidiotsandwich]

I’m learning to love myself enough to hate my abuser.

[miaanidiotsandwich]

Im fucking sick and tired of my mother and sister ganging up on me. Like seriously, what kind of mother teams up with one of their kids to bully another one. They call me fat, and lazy and stupid and then deny that they said anything, they laugh at me to themselves and act like i can't hear all the nasty things they say. I can't keep living like this, its like I'm in a never ending teen drama with no happy ending. I just want a way out.

[miaanidiotsandwich]

People think that I'm lonely now because I don't talk to my family.

Fuck, where they wrong.

When I was talking to my family, I was alone. I was surrounded by people who didn't care for me, if I lived or died. They didn't care about my wellbeing, my mental health state, they didn't care. I fully know they didn't care.

I could be at a birthday party, a wedding or just a social gathering and all I kept thinking to myself "I just want to leave". No one asked "how are you?" No one asked "How's your day been?" I just felt ignored, like I didn't matter. I would be surrounded by people and I felt like the odd one out, the outcast, the freak even.

When my mother told everyone I was autistic and I didn't understand what people said, so they just talked over me. Thinking I was dumb and I didn't understand anything. Oh, I knew and I perfectly understood what they said.

When I was talking to my family, I would sit in a corner being on my phone or just day dream. No one came up to me and asked me "are you okay?" No one! Or I would go into a quiet place, away from everyone for a good few hours, crying to myself, wishing I was somewhere else. No one asked me where I was for hours, when I came out, no one asked me where I was. I would be gone for like 6 or 4 hours and no one asked me where I was. That just shows me how much they didn't care about me.

I hated being there, period. I know people didn't love me. It's why I left. It's why I blocked everyone on messenger, I don't want to be contacted.

So no, I do not miss my fucking family and the family friends.

[miaanidiotsandwich]

Has anyone else sat with their family (mainly their parent(s)) for a bit and then remember how badly you can’t wait to get out of your toxic household?

[miaanidiotsandwich]

Nobody gives me violent urges like my mother, swear to god. 

[miaanidiotsandwich]

I'm that one in my family that nobody likes

[miaanidiotsandwich]

Why do I even bother trying anymore. Nothing i do is ever good enough

[miaanidiotsandwich]

People don't realize how much hate I actually feel towards the human race :/

[miaanidiotsandwich]

Prolonged childhood neglect and loneliness makes you an avoidant adult who legitimately prefers being alone 80% of the time. I love solitude. Love being alone. Go away.

[miaanidiotsandwich]

What kind of person notices their child depressed and resigned, not wanting to leave their room, and thinks that it's a good idea to go there to reprimand and criticize them?