moonl1ght-bae

[moonl1ght-bae]

[moonl1ght-bae]

people say that eds are terrible and terrifying, but I've been in mine for so long that it's comforting more than anything else. there's something safe about scrolling through thinspo, something about body checks that feels like a hug, something about the empty feeling that feels like home. idk. i just know I'm not ready to let go of that yet.

[moonl1ght-bae]

The calories might reset at midnight, but the fat certainly won't.

^ the most potent and triggering shit I have ever read from this hellhole of a website

[moonl1ght-bae]

Please reblog if you‘re over 20 and have an ed. I need people to follow ❤️

[moonl1ght-bae]

LIKE/RB if you’re an adult with an active ED blog pls

I need more active accounts to follow

Minors please dni

[moonl1ght-bae]

Part of me just feels so safe and comfortable when I'm scrolling through ed tumblr

[moonl1ght-bae]

quick reminder that people do not have control over what their brain remembers. they cannot choose to remember something, they didnt forget because they "didnt care", and they arent trying to get out of responsibilities

please, please, please stay patient with those who have memory issues. its already stressful and scary enough having to experience the memory issues and yelling at us, guilt tripping us, and punishing us isnt going to suddenly make us remember things more

we try every single day to remember as best as we can and even setting alarms and leaving reminders doesnt work every single time. we are trying our best. please just stay kind to us

💕💕💕

[moonl1ght-bae]

I can’t have hope anymore. It just breaks me. So no, don’t ask me to have hope. Nothing breaks one like false hope

[moonl1ght-bae]

A part of suicidal ideation or self harm no one talks about is the numbness to the subject that comes with it. I sit and scroll through pages and pages of cries for help, suicide notes and plans and feel nothing. No worry, no concern, no crushing feeling in my chest. Nothing. Those familiar feelings are now replaced with a strange familiarity, a kind of comfort that it’s not just me.

Fuck. When did it get to this

[moonl1ght-bae]

i‘m nobodys first choice. instead, i’m everyones last resort. the only thing i‘m good for is being used until i‘m no longer wanted. i‘m the broken toy rotting in the corner of the room; used, replaced and ultimately forgotten about

[moonl1ght-bae]

I look at others and I feel so sad for myself. I’m just existing. And they are living. They are able to move on and get ahead in life but all I do is stay stuck in the past and suffer

[moonl1ght-bae]

Things no one tells you about when you’ve been mentally ill for years and it won’t get better

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

— you’re tired / fatigued all the time. You have been for years now. You simply exist but you aren’t capable of living anymore. Your illnesses have taken everything that made you feel alive. You’re nothing but a shell. A body.

[moonl1ght-bae]

I don’t get mad anymore, I just get really quiet. Why keep talking when nobody is really listening to you?

[moonl1ght-bae]

i dont talk anymore. i dont want to. i have nothing to say. i have nothing to contribute to a conversation. words escape me and i dont care that they do. i can go entire days without muttering a word. i just want to be left alone, now. 

[moonl1ght-bae]

I think, therefore I am (exhausted)

[moonl1ght-bae]

why am i never good enough for anyone?

[moonl1ght-bae]

“I feel like I am never going to be enough for anyone.”

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