moonlightalanis

[moonlightalanis]

Stars

SUMMARY: There has been space for Eric in your life for 12 years. He comes and goes, but tonight, he promises to stay. 

GENRE: Childhood friends to lovers, fluff

WARNINGS: Drug use, stealing

WORD COUNT: 2.7K

PLAYLIST: Nights Frank Ocean, Sun&Moon NCT 127

A.N: Hi guysssss ! I deleted all my fics again and I’m sorry but I’m back with an Eric fic ! Hope you enjoy xx

DEDICATION: Ophelia, my moon <3

1

Over the 12 years that you have known Eric Sohn, you’ve built a home in him that is always flickering, burning bright whenever he looks at you. The home hasn’t always been inhabited; sometimes you leave, finding the sweetness of life elsewhere, drinking the juice of the heavens from the cups of others. Eric doesn’t stay, either, choosing to find ecstasy in his other friends, in drugs, and not in you. It’s not like the two of you ever fall out – you just drift. Actually, you drift. Eric hurtles away, like a shooting star through the night. He’s always lived a fast life, and while you have, too, Eric Sohn is light years ahead of you. But he always comes back. And so do you. No matter how far you drift, and he hurtles, you and Eric always end up back together.

2

You know that Eric loves you. You know, because you love him, too. Neither of you will say it, too caught up in exploring life in love, and alone, to ruin what you have. Eric, especially, loves being alone. He used to be soft, used to melt under your burning touch like a candle. But the world turned Eric Sohn hard, made him a victim to his own masculinity. Never disrespectful, always feeling the need to protect, to cherish, Eric is still soft to you. Like tonight. He sits on your balcony, watching the moon with a pensive look.

‘I’ve missed you,’

It’s almost a whisper, but he makes sure you hear him with a look into your eyes that almost makes you buckle; Eric Sohn is prince-like, the slender curves of his mouth ethereal as he speaks, moonlight bouncing off the tip of his nose, his hands drawing constellations into the night, creating universes in the four walls of your brain.

‘I’ve missed you, too.’

You don’t want to disrupt the silence, so you whisper, allowing the hum of the universe to mesh with your voice, to make it beautiful, your vocal chords sliding against the current of the earth. 

Eric gives you a small smile, and you swear you could cry at how beautiful he is under the deep blue sky, how he adorns it like a star. 

‘How’ve you been, Eric?’

‘Oh, how haven’t I been? Me, Juyeon and Chanhee got chased by some security guard the other day because he caught us stealing. Still got my shit, though.’

He takes a moment to flash some jewelry, and you smile at the way the moon’s reflection bounces off of his body, covered in silver; he is starshine in human form.

‘Niceeeee. I haven’t been borrowing in ages. I miss it.’

You and Eric sometimes ‘borrow’ together, and it’s always a great time. He runs through life, and whenever you are with him, he pulls you forward by your fingertips and the promise of excitement up ahead. There’s never a dull moment with him.

‘Oh my God, (Y/N), do you remember that time I pretended a hamster escaped in that pet shop so you could set the parrot free?’

You do remember. You also remember not getting away with it, remember being kicked out, remember Eric’s laughter sweeter than the jolly rancher he threw into your mouth, claiming you couldn’t catch it. He knew you could. You knew, too. There are a lot of things unspoken in this friendship with Eric, things that both of you know but will never say. Silence is peace, he always says, and you laugh, because Eric Sohn is far from silent. He lives so loudly you’re sure you’d be able to hear him from the next town over. 

‘I’m surprised we got away. That guy was built as fuck.’

‘You should be surprised, (Y/N), you’re probably the slowest runner I’ve ever met.’ 

With a gasp, you shove Eric. He laughs, and you watch with a small giggle of your own, wondering how he got so beautiful and why you never stop to focus on it more. You have known Eric for this long, and it’s only recently that you’ve been noticing how he’s bloomed, how good the years have been to him. You think that he wasn’t born on Earth; angels cried over him, their tears melting him together, building him up into a heavenly body, one that, tonight, shines under the soft glimmer of the April moon. 

‘Well I’m sorry I can’t keep up with you, Usain Bolt.’

He chuckles, taking a joint from the tip of his ear. 

‘Oh, please. You know I’ll never leave you behind.’

Eric has a habit of doing this, of saying the most heart wrenching things to you while going about his daily life, like his words haven’t given birth to new universes in your mind, each of them spinning around him rapidly, forming new galaxies by the second. He lights the joint, taking an insanely big hit and smiling at you through the billowing smoke, his smile evoking one from you, because how couldn’t you smile back? He is contagious, you think, watching his fingers brush against yours as he passes you the joint, a shock running through your own fingers and straight to your mouth, which says,

‘So how long do we have this time?’

You never ask Eric questions like these, knowing that you both leave and return to each other whenever you feel like it, but tonight the air is different, and the stars are watching you, and you’ve missed him so much that you don’t ever see yourself letting go of all of him, even though he will leave again. 

‘I think I’m too old for this.’

‘For what?’

‘Leaving.’

You watch him, and he has a different look in his eyes when they meet yours; you hang onto the way he stares at you, because you don’t ever want to look away from the shooting stars in his eyes, how he regards you carefully, like you might break if he ever touches you. He knows that you won’t, but you don’t like being held too tightly, and Eric Sohn is always soft, letting you go when you need to and opening his arms right back up when you return. 

‘You never really leave, though, do you?’

He watches you as you blow smoke rings, and with a small smile, opens his mouth. You take the hint, inhaling as much smoke as you can, and blowing it all out into his mouth. He breathes in with a soft hum, and he sounds more than anything like the current of the universe, its low vibrations keeping the entire world turning.

‘I guess I don’t. But still, I’m gonna leave for way less time. I miss you too much to stay away for that long.’

You almost melt. 

3

 An hour later, you and Eric float, higher than the sky. Literally. You look over at him, and his eyes are a hazy red, barely open, but open enough to see your soft grin, the one you don’t realise is on your face until he says, 

‘I knew my haircut was cute.’ 

You let out a strangled laugh, too high to say anything, too high to admit to him that yes, you were staring and yes, his haircut is cute.

‘How high are you, (Y/N)? You haven’t said a word in like 10 minutes.’ 

You haven’t. You’ve been watching Eric, eyes scanning over his body like he is something to be devoured, waiting for him to say something, to snap you out of this daze that you have fallen into. You imagined, during your unusual silence, that you and Eric were together. In a way that’s similar to how you are now, his hand brushing against yours when he passes you the joint, but also different, because his hands are also in your hair, they’re on your waist, they’re brushing over your lips and they’re caressing your cheeks. In this dream, the two of you sit on the rings of Saturn, watching the stars shoot past and comparing them to each other's smiles. Starshine runs through Eric’s veins when you look down at his arms, and he glows from the inside out; you think all of the constellations in the world must have come together, sat in a circle and sculpted Eric from nothing but starshine, sending him down to you on your 7th birthday in the form of a little boy with a massive smile and a flower, because he’d just met you and it was your birthday and his mother taught him to always give, never take. But from you, Eric took. He took love, drugs, affection, hugs, joints, presents. Over the years, you have poured yourself into Eric, and him, you. So much so that tonight, when you look down, you see a little glow beneath your skin, one you recognise as belonging to Eric. 

‘(Y/N).’

He drags the last part of your name out, as he does when he’s trying to get your attention. It’s never not worked.

‘Do you remember how long we’ve been friends for?’

You ask, getting up and taking a seat next to him on the ledge of your balcony. Up here, the world makes more sense. Up here, you can be in love with Eric in peace. 

‘12 years. We met on your birthday. You said you were turning 7 and I didn’t have anything so I ran and picked a–’

‘A daisy. They’re my favourite.’

Eric thinks daisies have always been your favourite flowers. Actually, they became your favourite flower when he brought you one 12 years ago because no one had ever done anything that adorable for you before, and in your 7 year old brain, that meant daisies had to become your favourite flower. 

‘I know. Do you remember that time we chased Juyeon with a frog?’

You didn’t say anything at the time, but you were always afraid of frogs. But Eric ran up to you with it in his hands, and he had this excitable look in his eyes, and you were 17 and in love and you couldn’t say no to him. 

‘I do. You know I’m scared of frogs?’

‘Yep. You had this anxious look in your eyes, like you were scared I’d make you eat it or something.’

You smile, softly.

‘You ever pull some shit like that and I’ll make you eat something much worse.’

Eric smirks, ready to say something that he knows will make you blush, that you know will make you blush. He says nothing, a blush replacing the previously confident look on his face. 

‘We’ve had some good times, huh.’ 

He changes the subject, shifting his body to make a small home for you next to him. You move closer, the warmth of him enveloping you almost instantly – Eric is never cold. You have always wondered what space feels like, and in his embrace, you find that it is warm, comforting, exciting. 

‘We have. And we’ve got so many more ahead of us.’

You think about the times you are yet to have with Eric, the times where he will make you laugh and scream and cry and melt into the Earth, becoming at one with it. You have always thought that if you were part of the natural world, you’d be the ocean. Strong, comforting, sometimes even scary. If you are the ocean, Eric is the moon, controlling the tides of your soul, building you up into beautiful waves, and then disappearing, only to come back when you least expect it. 

‘Yeah. I can’t wait. I think I’ll know you until I die.’

You’ve never doubted that Eric will be in your life forever. It’s just different when he says it. When age catches up with you, and you can’t walk or run or even see properly, you think that you’ll still be happy, because Eric will be there, and you’ve walked and ran and seen so many times with him that when you die, you’ll be satisfied with the good times he’s given you and even the ones he hasn’t. 

‘I think I’ll know you until I die, too.’

You want to say that you’ll love him until you die, that even if, one day, Eric Sohn fades away, you will still love him, because he has given you enough of him to love for an eternity in just the two hours that you’ve seen him tonight. 

‘Isn’t it crazy how everyone dies? How one day we’re happy and we’re smiling and one day we aren’t. And it happens to everyone. Everyone dies and there’s nothing we can do about it.’

Eric smiles, and it’s beautiful, and you think about the contrast between the beauty in his face and the morbidity of his words. Instinctively, you reach out to touch him, because you think that if you can protect him, he’ll never be ripped away from you by the hands of the world or the hands of Death. It’s a stupid thought, but love makes you do stupid things. 

‘People say there’s no point in thinking about death, but I think about it a lot. Not in a depressing way. It makes me appreciate what I have more.’

‘That’s nice, Eric.’

‘You didn’t let me finish.’

You chuckle softly, saying nothing. 

‘It makes me appreciate you more. One day, you’ll die, and I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering why I didn’t tell you I loved you as soon as I felt it.’

You watch the stars sparkle for Eric, in his eyes and above his head, and you smile. You know he loves you. This is the first time he’s said it.

‘I understand. But you have shown me.’

‘Not like this.’

And he takes your face in his hands, and you feel your heart begin to expand within your chest, getting bigger as he brings you closer.

You have known Eric Sohn for 12 years. You have wanted him to kiss you for 3. Tonight, he does it, creating a new constellation with his lips against yours, one that you want to name after him. When he pulls away, he runs a soft thumb down your cheek, smiling with the soft glow of a man so deeply in love that it makes the world around you both hazy, unfocused. 

‘Why are you so sure I’m gonna die before you?’

It’s the only thing you can bring yourself to say, and Eric chuckles. 

‘I just told you I love you and that’s the first thing you say? Typical (Y/N).’

‘Answer my question.’ 

Eric smiles, wide, pressing another soft kiss to your lips and saying nothing. You pout, leaning into him, making the home you have built in him bigger, brighter, better. 

‘I love you, Eric.’

You feel him sigh deeply above you, and life is blissful in this small eternity that you have built with him. All this time, your love for Eric was a blooming star: a small, hopeful thing. Tonight, it soars, and tonight, you feel the beginning of the rest of your life start to take root in your soul. 

4

 Years later, you still feel the stars in your heart every time you look at Eric. He’s older, now, slower, but there’s a certain rapid nature in the way he kisses you, and you wonder where you went so right to have the son of the stars love you like you’re the star, like he was meant to do nothing but love you, cherish you. There’s a home for you inside of Eric Sohn that you’d never drift away from, and there’s a home for you where he waits every night, waits for you to return from your life outside of him and love him until he dies, or until you die. You think it’ll travel further than that, though. There will always be evidence of how the two of you love each other. In the stars, the moon, the galaxy, there is a thread of love that runs through it all; Eric says it’s the love he has for you, and you say it’s the love you have for him, but you both know that it’s the love you have for each other. As there always has been, there are unspoken things in your relationship with Eric. But that’s okay. The stars say it all for you.

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