musicaldoodler

[musicaldoodler]

Here’s a small unfinished snippet I wrote of Pickles & Lasagna’s last conversation when the band was captured by Salacia: (I’m not an expert writer lol forgive me)

Suddenly, he had a thought. He reached into his pocket.

Heh. Fuckers didn’t take his phone. Not like it’d be of any use by now, anyways.

His mind raced as he tried to think of who to dial. You know, in those final moments where you give a heartfelt goodbye to someone important to you before you bite the big one. The thought of his fellow band members flashed his mind first. Parents? Siblings? Old flames? Maybe he’d think to call Nathan if he weren’t with him.

Finally he picked one. As it rang, he was left with racing thoughts of how his life went. How it got to this point.

Then, a click.

“Hello?”

The voice of his teenage daughter, Lasagna. He felt a pang of guilt in the pit of his stomach as soon as he heard it.

“Hey, kid.” He spoke, throat dry as he tried to sound as casual as possible. “What’s uh… what’re ya up to?”

“Uh, I dunno.” She responded nonchalantly. “Just kinda playing Minecraft.”

Nobody told her. Good.

“That’s great, kid.” He smiled, regardless of the fact that he had no idea what a ‘minecraft’ was. “That’s real great.”

“What’s up with you? Are you okay?” Lasagna questioned, growing suspicious of his tone. Pickles let out a short, dry laugh.

“I’m good. Don’t worry about it.” He swallowed before speaking again. “Hey, I’ve got some uh… stuff to take care of right now, but once I’m done how about we go hit up the lunch special at Chili’s? Just me and you.”

The girl paused for a moment to think it over. “I dunno, you always get shit-faced at Chili’s and make me lose my appetite when you barf everywhere.”

“I won’t this time.” He answered almost immediately. “Whaddya say?”

“Okay. Sure.”

“Cool.” He replied. He heard heavy footsteps quickly getting closer to their location. Time was running out.

“Gotta go. I um… I love you, kid.”

The girl laughed a bit, mistaking the comment as a joke. “Love ya too, dad. See ya.”

Click.

#dw!! they had the good ending where they lived and he actually did go to chili’s with her and he ended up getting shitfaced anyways #metalocalypse #army of the doomstar #pickles the drummer #pickles metalocalypse #lasagna #lasagna the not drummer #lasagna cornatzer #metalocalypse oc #metalocalypse fic #fic

[musicaldoodler]

How Lasagna met Pickles: a dethtale

Part 2

4: he's tried to breastfeed her 3 seperate times. he feeds her junk food and candy for breakfast lunch and dinner. he gives her dixie cups full of alcohol whenever she's having screaming fits or can't sleep. he brings her to strip clubs with him. and his overbearing parenting gets in the way of the guys and their work. they complain about it but he always says "Lasagna needs someone to take care a' her! oh fuck her mandarin lessons start in 10 minutes--"

5: the stage burning incident. [She burned down an entire concert + audience by accident] at this point the guys intervene and are like "you gotta give Lasagna back to her mom. I'm sure she's out there somewhere, we just gotta look. how hard can it be?" and then it's on the news that millions of women come forward and claim that Lasagna is their child. they're watching the TV and Skwisgaar is like "how are wes gonna finds Laskanya's mother in that piles of womens?" and Murderface is like "if they're so eager to take a kid then just toss the fucker into the crowd and let fate decide who her mom is" and Pickles is like "NO WE GOTTA FIND LASAGNA'S MOM SO SHE WONT HAVE A FUCKED UP CHILDHOOD"

6: they find Lasagna's mom eventually and she's a german model. she strides in all classy but when she and Pickles meet they get into a heated messy argument and call eachother a number of names before he hands Lasagna over to her. Charles is like "dont worry Pickles, I managed to work it out in a way that'll let you see her a couple times a year."

7: at some point they ask what Lasagna's real name is and it turns out her name's actually legally Lasagna. there's a flashback where her mom tells Pickles she gave birth over the phone and he's fucked up on alcohol and lsd and was like "name it fuckin lasagna or somethin-- *VOMITS* gh-gonna block yer number now see ya"

#mtl #mtl pickles #pickles the drummer #lasagna the not drummer #lasagna cornatzer #lasagna #metalocalypse #dethklok

[musicaldoodler]

How Lasagna met Pickles: a dethtale

Part 1

1: Pickles is bending over tiney Lasagna insisting "that's not my kid. it's not I swear." the other guys are like "duuuude it's like youre looking in a mirror!" and Pickles is like "NO IT'S NOT. IDK WHO THIS RANDOM GINGER IS BUT IT AIN'T MINE" then lasagna does The Drummer Smirk and Pickles breaks out into sobbing as the other guys laugh "fuck it's mine"

2: Charles asks him what he wants to do with it and pickles insists that he's going to get an abortion. ofc Charles is like "... Pickles, not only are you a man but it's 4 years old, don't you think it's a little late for that?" and Pickles throws a fit and is like "what, you're trying to oppress me or something?! well it's my body my choice and i have the freedom to dictate what I want to do with it!" and the guys back him up like "yeah, you robot! let the man get his abortion!"

3: Pickles takes Lasagna to the doctor. they dont give him the abortion. "whattya mean I cant get an abortion?! i brought the damn kid and everything!" and they're like "sir we physically can't do anything." so he goes home and Charles suggests giving Lasagna to child services. and Pickles looks into her eyes and is like "yeah! yeah... I can give her to a foster home... where-- where she'll probably have a shitty life... and her stupid brother outshines her every move... and she'll probably hate her dad for being a piece of shit failure... and fall into uncontrollable addiction cuz--" and he just stares and is like "You know what?! fuck that! im not gonna become my fuckin dad, I'm better! this little tampon is gonna have a fuckin awesome childhood on my watch, you guys just see!"

#mtl #mtl pickles #pickles the drummer #lasagna the not drummer #lasagna cornatzer #lasagna #metalocalypse #dethklok