mutwo

[mutwo]

12 october 2023 // good morning! while i would like to curl up in bed and read all day, that's not a good play for me. i'm going to set a timer for an hour, and switch back and forth between breaks, housework, and schoolwork, so i don't lose track of time and find the entire day gone.

here's what i've accomplished so far:

left my apartment to get an excellent coffee to start the day!

spent 45 minutes picking up around my apartment while listening to a show.

spend 30 min going through unread emails :/ and marking ones that need a reply

#i am scared and that's okay! #it is just anxiety do not worry :) #gradblr #grad school #mu notes

[mutwo]

11 october 2023 // hello! okay. i seriously need to get my butt into gear today, and remind myself that doubts can wait until another day! so here's a plan of action, will report back on success:

shower (done!)

gather and take out trash/recycling (done)

grocery shopping for some comfort food for rest of week. include: chocolate milk and a lil treat :) (done)

work on late homework assignment

email prof back re: late homework

breaks interspersed between tasks as needed, for up to an hour! the plan is to keep up the motivation and snowball little successes. (there are more steps i could feasibly do this afternoon, but i am trying to set an easily achievable goal instead of freezing in fear).

#mu-notes

[mutwo]

i'm pretty sure i need to set some additional structure to my day or nothing (!) will get done besides what has immediate deadlines. so here's what i'm going to do every day next week as a 5-day test:

read/skim one (1) research paper (+ actually file/tag it)

do one (1) career related task (off my current list)

this doesn't include the regular research work i am doing, but i don't want to set myself timed goals for that as of yet... we're going for reasonable and attainable right now!

#if anyone has advice about how to schedule/plan/force yourself to do bigger picture things like this #i'd love to hear!!! #mu-notes #grad school #gradblr

[mutwo]

26th september 2023 // it's been a busy few days, but it was crunch time and i actually pulled through! (which surprised me, because that hasn't happened for a bit. but it's a win for sure).

on sunday i

worked on homework

went grocery shopping

fought the dread and fear

eventually did some more homework and studying

struggled with some more anxiety and eventually just went to bed

on monday i

panicked and put my actual presentation slides together

went to class 🎉

took a little walk right before my presentation to get a fancy tea to calm down a bit

gave a research update

crammed the rest of my homework in before midnight

not my favorite time but! i survived and surprisingly, i'm feeling a lot better about my capability to work through stress and high anxiety again.

and today! i

went to class 🎉

had a little chit chat with coworkers (a little scary but went okay)

consolidated my little life-to-dos into a bigger list and crossed quite a few of them off!

i'm feeling some... shall i say excitement? about school and research and looking forward. strange but definitely welcome...

#i let myself take a more casual recuperation day but i'm happy with what i got done :) #this was day 4 day 5 and day 6 i guess #100dop #gradblr #phdblr #mu-notes

[mutwo]

23 september 2023

i was stressed and avoiding facing my schoolwork and upcoming presentation, so here's all the other things i did instead:

rearranged my living room and vacuumed

hung up my new curtains!

washed a sink of dishes

washed, dried, folded and put away laundry

knit a little :)

took notes on chapter 1 for engineering class (catch-up)

started on the 1st homework problem

#to be fair most of those chores happened while watching tv #it's such a trick for my brain and i end up getting way more done in 45 minutes than i would if i weren't half distracted #trying not to think about monday but all i can do is my best at this point #100% counting this as day 3 of productivity #yesterday didn't exist #100dop #gradblr #mu-notes

[mutwo]

(a very late) 21 september 2023 🧶

went to class. difficulty: 8/10 but i stayed

sent three (3!) emails that were all semi-assertive. difficulty: 4/10

left the office in the early afternoon instead of staying the whole day reframing this for myself as: went in early for class and stayed to work in the office until early afternoon. difficulty: 6/10 but i caved to a lower level of anxiety than i think i could tolerate

some heavy avoidance once home, but made good progress on my knitting! difficulty: 2/10 for the anxiety that avoidance exacerbates

overall score: 20 🧐

#not the happiest with how this went #i want to build up my tolerance for anxiety #my instinct is to avoid at the drop of a hat but i don't want to do that anymore! #so here's to another and better day tomorrow #mu-notes #gradblr #100dop #day 2

[mutwo]

20 september 2023 ☀️

hello! it's the evening after a full and good (i think) day! here's the main events, with a difficulty ranking.

battled my social anxiety and left my place for the first time in a few days, actually getting myself to class! difficulty: a surprisingly low 4/10

caught up on the notes from missed classes and officially submitted a homework assignment! difficulty: 2/10

faced a research task that i've been avoiding for 5 weeks, finished the initial part and ran into major problems. difficulty: 7/10 for facing it down

brought my headphones to work. was not distracting, but actually incredibly helpful for my focus. will 100% do so again. difficulty: 0/10

went to two (2!) somewhat social things where i met new people. difficulty: 3/10 i was on a roll

overall score: difficulty level 16 🎉🎉

#i am feeling very silly with this #please don't judge me #apparently acknowledging when things are difficult and challenging is helpful in the practice of self-compassion #and i'm trying not to beat myself up about mistakes #so let's goooo i faced down some difficult things today #mu-notes #gradblr #100dop #we're on day one but i need some change in my life so expect regular posts!

[mutwo]

ok so i know that with habits, its more effective long-term to make small changes gradually, rather than big changes all at once that aren't as likely to be sustainable! but i get very sporadic bursts of motivation to make big changes in my life and i want to run with them.

i've never done one of the 100 days challenges, but i've seen people doing them again and i think right now, it might be pretty helpful in terms of habit-forming for me to be intentional about how i spend my time. (i haven't quite decided what to include though -- either just the weekdays and focus on school+work, or do every day and just include the home projects and things i do on the weekend as part of the productivity... feedback or advice very welcome on this!)

#basically i'm not super happy with how things are going! #and i think i know some specific things that i can change to be a little happier with how i spend my time! #i'm currently taking the weekends off from school to keep a better balance in my life #so i'm not trying to change that! just the focus of /what/ i'm doing in my downtime and how i spend my time #mu notes

[mutwo]

11 august 2023 // i biked to school! and then immediately told my supervisor i'll send results over before our meeting... so! here's the plan for work:

turn results into pretty pictures

send results over (with questions) before meeting

use the work printer for some desk decorations :)

read the three research papers i printed out

quick email response and clean-up

#i might even go out and get a bubble tea as a treat! #or maybe save that for next week... we'll see! #to do list #gradblr #grad school

[mutwo]

10 august 2023 // hello! it's the evening, and i'm thinking about the kind of day i want to have tomorrow. i think i'd like to bike to school, so i'm about to charge my lights, pack my bag, and set out clothes -- the less time i give myself to think about it in the morning, the more likely it will actually happen. i've been feeling low energy and having trouble falling asleep, and like my tolerance for frustration with research is also low (which is frustrating in itself), so i'm hoping that spending more time outside will help with all of those things!

#also it will get me to school #which hasn't been happening as frequently as i'd like #mu-notes #mu's quest for self-improvement and a happier life #<- that tag is mostly a joke but also? i really do want to make sure i'm happy and healthy #(and i very much am not trying to sound self-righteous so please don't take me too seriously!)

[mutwo]

uh.... catch me slinking back to this website again after 2 years of inactivity. kinda feeling like i should just delete everything and start over! or at least all my old posts.

but i've returned to ~the academic life~ aka trying to finish my graduate degree, and seeing all the other people posting about their experiences is actually quite motivating for me. hence the return!

prepare for some grad school experiences, book talk (if i'm brave), and maybe some pet pictures :)

#probably everyone i followed before is done with school now? #not sure! #but i hope everyone is doing well <3 #what even are all these changes to the format??

[mutwo]

#i'm probably chaotic good or sometimes... neutral evil #i love tea but i hate bitter and oversteeped tea #so i err on the side of caution #like the la croix meme #slightly flavored hot water #honestly i'll just drink hot water with honey if i'm sick #no teabag needed #for all the grad students out there who are constantly drinking tea or coffee...

[mutwo]

6 april 2021 // helloooo it’s been a while! i hope everyone is doing well :) i was still awake so late last night that i just decided to get up again (to kickstart my sleep schedule back to normal hours). now, 3 hours later, i’ve remembered exactly why i wanted to never pull an all-nighter again.

i feel like i’m finally surfacing from the past couple of months, but i’m trying not to push myself too hard and taking things slowly. (feeling like i’ve been underwater and muted is actually a decent description, now that i’m writing this out). just a short list to get started:

email advisor back

email supervisor back

decide whether to attend meeting / email if not

water plants

quick clean because maintenance might be coming

#to do list #mu's mental health tag

[mutwo]

hello! i’m sitting at my desk with a candle burning, the wooden wick crackling softly. this is a short post to say that i’m still here! and while i haven’t been active in a bit, i’ll be posting more regularly as my work ramps up again :)

#mu-notes #i had to take some time away from school for mental health reasons #and i stopped checking tumblr as part of that #but i'm back now! #and feeling both better and more enthusiastic about research and school :)

[mutwo]

15 february 2021 // hello everyone! i’m still working on getting back into the regular workflow, so my current goal is just a few hours of work a day. it’s hard for me to imagine doing a full day’s work right now, and i still feel bad when i remember how focused and productive i used to be. but i also recognize that things are different, i’m still making progress, and i’m focusing on my health which is the most important thing right now :) here’s today’s plan!

listen to some music and clean

send a few emails (ugh)

make a phone call

go for a short walk, get a treat :)

watch part of a lecture

take some research notes

#i'm also very behind in scrolling through my dashboard so i'm sorry if you get a bunch of notifications about old posts! #to do list #gradbr #grad school

[mutwo]

11 february 2021 // good morning! my doctor told me that i should take my melatonin earlier in the evening than i have been, and i did, and it worked? i fell asleep much faster than normal! i’m determined to keep this positive energy going today, so here’s the plan:

email i

look into potential therapists

15 min podcast and tidy time

email m

30 min RA work

attend meeting

quick errand run to bookstore for notebooks, lab for research book, and swing by bubble tea on the way home as a treat

1 hr project work

#this means that i should probably take the rest of their advice #about screen time in bed... #i'm still definitely taking baby steps here #this is not enough time on either of my projects #but i'm trying to remind myself that a little time is better than nothing! #just building up my mental endurance :) #to do list #gradblr

[mutwo]

4 february 2021 // good morning! i’m feeling hopeful today, so let’s get things done :)

message s, message n

laundry: load one, load two

email i

email re seminar

pay electric bill, finish january accounting

case set up for research project

dishes: round one, round two

an actual duolingo lesson

watch part 1 of lecture

#so many of these are just duplicates from the last list that i never did #but i will get them done this time!! #to do list #gradblr