mwalimu-mgeni

[mwalimu-mgeni]

@lil--mamas @angelloves-you @lgmxx @cheezbot 

[mwalimu-mgeni]

Tomorrow will be better.

#this too shall pass #one day at a time

[mwalimu-mgeni]

Up to 5 medications now.

#society #ramblings

[mwalimu-mgeni]

Eating. That's it. That's all I have right now.

#ramblings #journal

[mwalimu-mgeni]

When the heart stops rapidly beating, and the air moves through all parts of your body, are you truly free?

#mentalwellness #mental health #anxiety #one day at a time

[mwalimu-mgeni]

I am trying so hard to beat this thing. This, what feels like a demon inside of me. Sometimes it is almost as though I want to exorcise these emotions. They are all too much too often. Every day there are fears and tears all the associated bodily functions that compromise myself. I'm scared, anxious and depressed and everyday I have to choose to live. Every day the silent battle of whether I am going to carry out the most basic functions wages within my mind, my stomach, my bowels. I am fighting for a light and I am not sure I will ever see it.

#ramblings #journal #mentalwellness #mental health #anxiety #depression #society

[mwalimu-mgeni]

There is unimaginable pain in this world.

#society

[mwalimu-mgeni]

I had to start taking my medication again. I thought it would make me feel like a failure, it has only made me feel better.

#mentalwellness #mental health #anxiety #depression #one day at a time

[mwalimu-mgeni]

I am struggling. Heart pounding. Repeatedly moving back and forth. Shaking uncontrollably. Finding the will is consistently the hardest thing I will ever do. Each morning is a miracle.

#mental health #mentalwellness #thoughts #one day at a time #anxiety #depression

[mwalimu-mgeni]

How is it possible to feel aimless, pointless, clueless, and so useless all at the same time?

#mentalwellness #mental health #ramblings #one day at a time #journal

[mwalimu-mgeni]

I thought today about when I see people of colour on t.v. and in movies. I was thinking why is their colouring so off all the time? What part of the process, the people behind the camera, the editing room, the lighting, the costume design, the equipment itself is creating this problem with the skin tone of people of colour? I do not even know where to start.

#filmmaking #people of colour #ramblings #journal #random thoughts #showerthoughts #genuine #questions

[mwalimu-mgeni]

My heart would not stop beating today. It just kept fluttering without control. I cannot control it. Control is everything. When will the beating stop?.

#anxiety #one day at a time #this too shall pass #mental health #journal

[mwalimu-mgeni]

Waking up to the sensation of not being able to breathe. Pause for a second. Rush to the anti anxiety medication that you are purging your system slowly of. No one said getting off this stuff was easy. Pause for a second. Drink water, pop half of a pill. The amount I currently am training my body to accept. Pause for a second. This training is flipping difficult. I ache. I shiver. I withdraw. This is not easy. Pause for a second. Take a breath then wait for the pill to settle. Take another breath. Half an hour later, it settles in. The urge is eased the breath is even, the anxiety settled to a little corner of my heart. Pause for a second. Pause till the next pill.

#withdrawal #pills #anxiety

[mwalimu-mgeni]

I don't think I could be a Buddhist because I take pleasure in drowning the ants that invade my home.

#ants #buddhist #ramblings #journal #spilled thoughts

[mwalimu-mgeni]

Driving, thinking there must be more advancements in fast food technology than women's health ? I mean they managed to change a potato and all sorts of meat to virtually any shape you want it? Right ?

#ramblings #thoughts #journal #society

[mwalimu-mgeni]

If you have to ask if something is racist, it is probably racist, right?

#society #ramblings #journal #genuine #questions

[mwalimu-mgeni]

How many is a 'shitload' ? I really would like to know if someone has defined this?

#shitload #ramblings #journal