my-dnd-mishaps

[my-dnd-mishaps]

A self aware character could make a pretty interesting encounter ngl

#not a quote #tiktok #funnytiktoks #funny #dnd #dragons

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Rise Up

*Context- Two of our adopted Tabaxi children had been kidnapped by some of the bad guys that got away last time we fought. But the party is on a timer as the main red dragon got an upgrade and is starting to attack the city*

BBEG “If you fight us now, you’ll just be wasting your time” 

Bard *to party members* “Ok, does anyone here want to not fight them right now?”

Literally no one opposes 

Bard “Alright if we’re not raising our hands, then we’re throwing them!” 

#dnd #we rolled initiative right after #this battles gonna be crazy #we did get the children back #they are safe #the rogue hasn't let any of them die yet still #Dungeons and Dragons #bard

[my-dnd-mishaps]

A Letter?

*Context- Our ranger was talking about his past character, Drakkar, we started then talking about how little we had known about that character.*

Ranger OOC “Yeah Drakkar was left as a baby at a monastery. The only thing with him was a letter”

Bard “What letter was it? A, B?”

Ranger “No D, for Drakkar”

#dnd #ranger #he was named after Drakkar Noir #ya know the colonge #funnny #Dungeons and Dragons #shit my players say

[my-dnd-mishaps]

What is Evil?

*Context- Our party has now discovered that the rogue, fighter, and sorcerer kidnapped and gave the NPC that our ranger was in love with, to the bad guys. The same bad guys that are trying to end the world.*

Bard *speaking to rogue* “Explain to me how you aren’t evil!”

Rogue “I have kids.”

Bard “That doesn’t make you not evil.”

Rogue “I haven’t killed any of them yet!!!!”

#rogue #dnd #he does have four adopted kids and currently none of them are dead #they are all tabaxis #shit my players say #Dungeons and Dragons #dumb PCs

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Welcome To My Life

*context- our party was fighting a punch of bad guys and one character recited a mystery spell which ended up encasing almost everything in magic crystal. This of course got us in trouble with the local authorities, who we just helped a lot so in attempt to not get arrested the bard tried to level with said authority*

Bard- “Look I know that everything is bad right now. Everything IS bad right now, that’s just my life!”

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #funny #humor #dumb pc #bard #shit my players say

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Talkin Smack

*Context- Our party needed to try and find a bad guy named Desier, one way we thought to locate him is by standing in the street and loudly saying that he “is a punk ass bitch”. We kept making up different insults but this one stuck. Later one of the PCs got surprised attacked by said bad guy and the rest of the party had to run to catch up with her. While running we kept making up insults and decided that our characters were actively writing down roasts while running which was even funnier to us because nothing would be legible* 

Runechild trying to read our roasts

Runechild- “Desier is a sunk pass itch??”

#dnd #runechild #she was the one who got attacked #the bard started the roasts #desier is halfling so most of the roasts were about his height #this is also the ambush that ended with the town being encased in crystal #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Grandpa?

*Context- our party was talking out of game. One of the players helps make a lot of NPCs and we were discussing how many he actually made. One of them being our Ranger’s mother*

Ranger- “Aaaawww you made my mommy Igva. You’re like my grandpa...”

Ranger- *in character’s voice* “..Papy??”

#dnd #funny #hes the half orc #Dungeons and Dragons #textpost #shit my players say

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Haha Get It??

*context- Our party was fighting some gang members in a town named Turnstead. It’s safe to say that they destroyed the town and we did some hefty damage as well*

Ranger- “we should rename this place to turns-DEAD”

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #funny #funny dnd #he’s the half orc #shit my players say #murder hobo

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Fair is Fair

*context- Our party got ambushed and it’s lookin bad. One of our characters is at 0 hp another is down to 16 hp after being down twice. One of the PCs just did 7 damage to one of the attackers.*

Ranger- *with a sign of relief* “We should be about even now.”

#really helped lighten the mood #we did win #but only because the runechild had a crazy scroll that took out 200ft of town #one player is perma dead now #this ambush sucked #dnd #dungeons and dragons #shit my players say #funny #funny dnd

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Here Comes the Bride

*Context- One of our party members wants to propose to a NPC, he decides to ask one of the other characters if they have a ring. Our female runechild has a ring*

Runechild- “Ok, I’ll give you this ring on one condition; I get to be your best man.”

Ranger- “Deal! Oh man this is gonna be great! I’m planning on asking [Triton Bard] to officiate the wedding”

Runechild- “Cool I-”

Ranger- “Ya know o-fish-iate”

#funny #dnd #shit my players say #sadly he didnt get to propose bc the other party members sold her out to a drug ring #the plot is intense #the ring he got was a ring of mind protection #its so ugly for an engagement ring #this was during that epic rager of a party #Dungeons and Dragons #humor #fish puns

[my-dnd-mishaps]

~Drink Me~

*context- Our rogue was getting some interesting items from a shop*

Rogue- “Wait this can turn me into liquid?”

Dm- “Kinda bu-

Iman- “So you can drink me??? :))))”

Dm- “I don’t like where this is going”

#dnd #funny #rogue #shit my players say #he did not buy the item #funny dnd #humor

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Club Goin’ Up

*Context- This was from when our party was planning the epic party. Our runechild was raised in nobility so she was very confused by how different our party was compared to the high society's galas*

Rogue- “No no no you can’t go to da club on a Monday”

Bard- “But you can go on a Tuesday; that’s when it’s going up!” 

Runechild- *eagerly* “Oh! Is the reason you go to the club on a Tuesday, because the harpists are there?”

#dnd #shes an elf #funny #shit my players say #she was very sad to find there were no harpists #or classical music of any kind #Dungeons and Dragons #humor #party

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Vacation

*context- Our party learned the location of two magical tattoo shops, one of the shops was right by a volcano and is run by monks. The other one is in a port in the next continent over*

Bard- “But I don’t wanna go to a volcano! I want to go the ocean and be on the beach!”

Runechild- “What’s a volcano but a fire beach?”

#dnd #funny #joke #shit my players say #we did not go to the volcano #monks can be scary #Dungeons and Dragons #humor

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Party Time!

*Context- Our party ended up with a huge trash bag full of weed, so the only logical solution was to throw a rockin party!*

DM- “So (PC who bought the huge bag) is passing out all the joints, you probably have them in between your fingers like wolverine right?”

PC- “I’m Weedvlerine now”

#dnd #funny #this character literally lost his soul too #fun times #party #Dungeons and Dragons #drugs tw #the bard might die from an overdose tbh #humor #jokes #the dm never should have allowed us to go into the weed store

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Player 1 *having an intense dream filled with in world lore*

Player 2 *drinking out of his cup using redvines as a straw*

Player 3 *telling him to make a redvines flute*

Player 2 *actually does it*

#happens every time #dnd #shit my players say #funny #the rogue was playing with the redvines #dungeons and dragons #dumb pcs #humor

[my-dnd-mishaps]

How Much Damage?

*Context- Our party was trying to invade a tower. 3 players went inside, the cult saw through our disguises and poisoned/parallelized 2 of the players. Our fighter dragged both players onto the balcony with him.*

DM- “So, what are you [fighter] going to do?”

Fighter- “Ummmm..yeah..I think I have more health than fall damage would give me”

#dnd #funny #pcs are DUMB #he didnt die actually #no one did #he yeeted the other two players off the balcony so he could fight #shit my players say #we did kill most people there that day #Dungeons and Dragons #fighters

[my-dnd-mishaps]

Where’s my notebook. WHERES MY NOTEBOOK

There’s something deeply cursed about eBay listings for used single halves of Best Friends necklaces.

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #funny #a rogue would probably steal it tbh