The thoughts of a twenty-something fibromyalgia, joint hypermobility, anxiety, depression, and OCD sufferer

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quick, tell me the weirdest compliment you’ve ever gotten. my doctor told me i have impeccable eardrums 

my dentist once told me (in an appreciative tone) that i have huge neanderthal-like canine teeth

oh i AM losing my mind over this 

I have frequently had doctors complain to me that I have tiny ear canals and like

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information besides apologize for providing a subpar patient experience?

When I had surgery, the anesthesiologist had me open up my mouth so they could “see what they were working with” when they intubated me and they were like “oh nice, lots of room! [assistant] come look!” And the assistant came to look down my throat and was like “nice” 😂

My wife, when we were first dating, told me I reminded her of a walrus, you know, a really pretty one.

a dancer once told me i had beautiful achilles tendons. (they are v long, i think. i have always been able to squat with my feet flat on the floor with no practice, which is unusual for americans.)

my doctor told me that my blood pressure is excellent, like yes i’m young and healthy but i have blood pressure out of a medical textbook, and i told my mom that and my mom said oh yes, you have genetically perfect blood pressure. you inherited it from my side of the family.

A mortician told me my skintone is so pale I’d be a pain in the ass to embalm

A yoga instructor complimented me on having “stretchy hips” - I’m not overall flexible I just apparently accidentally trained myself to be a master of all hip opening yoga poses by sitting in the weirdest ways possible at home.

My sonographer exclaimed that I have “the cutest little uterus” while giving me an ultrasound.

I once went to a doctor for hip pain, she proceeded to lay me down and stretch my legs all kinds of ways, going “wow you’re so flexible, I guess you’re fine”. I’m hypermobile.

I have excellent veins. “Very juicy,” said the nice totally-not-a-vampire nurse taking my blood for a hormonal panel.

A woman once complimented my teeth asking if I had gotten them altered or it they were naturally that sharp looking before declaring I’d be a big hit at the gothic fetish club in the city

i think the moral of this post is that doctors are fucking weird

The chick who took my blood when shit hit my vein just said “oh! You have fast blood”

I had a therapist tell me once that I had very good coping mechanisms.

My esthetician doing my bikini wax “wow! Your hair just comes right out! I’ve never done a wax this easy!”

A previous doctor of mine told me I described my symptoms better than a novelist. Like, how else am I supposed to describe my symptoms? Just say it hurts?

I’ve had my cervix complimented by at least two doctors. Get jelly, y'all

One time when I had a lumber puncture done the anaesthetic hadn’t quite kicked in and they put the needle in and I got complemented on how calm I stayed. I mean my whole body went into spasm from the pain of a giant needle being put into my spine so I couldn’t really do anything but I’ll take it.

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“I must rest after my shower…”

–brought to you by physical exertion, chronic pain, and pressure changes

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·15 days agoText


Honey, there’s isolation and then there’s isolation.

I’ve seen many chronically ill, neurodivergent, poor and disabled people discussing their bemusement at the cries of lament from the well-off able-bodied people who now have to self-isolate, cancel their plans, postpone holidays and miss out on fun events. It’s quite something to behold. It’s fascinating (in a horrible way) to witness these people who are used to getting what they want now finding that they can’t have it; that that instant gratification has been removed for them. Now they’re staring down the prospect of being lonely for a few months, unable to see friends, sometimes even family, unable to go out to the movies or the festivals. And we’re sitting here like, yo - welcome to our world.

 It’s hard to put into words how frustrating it is to see governments putting in measures for tele-health services, working from home practices and teaching through Skype to students et cetera. For decades, disabled/sick/neurodivergent folks were told that these accommodations couldn’t be made for us, but now suddenly they can. Now suddenly there’s money for it. Funny that.

 When we’ve talked about how lonely and isolated we feel as people with disabilities, we’ve been dismissed, victim-blamed or infantilized. But now the ableds are feeling it, a flood of “community compassion” initiatives and “mental health advice for dealing with isolation” is being made freely available to them.

 And yet previously, we used to hear things like: “You’re so lucky you get to stay at home: I wish I could just be on Netflix all day!” Or, “You don’t have to deal with people. That sounds like utopia to me!” 

Not so much fun in reality, is it?

The latest banger I heard was from my sibling. I told her that after a long winter, months of bushfires, unprecedented floods and now this virus, I had essentially been self-isolating for six months and another six months was going to make me lose my mind. Her response was, “well, at least you’ve had practice. This is all so new for the rest of us!”

 Yes, I have had practice. I have developed strategies for dealing with crippling loneliness. I have had to find ways to entertain myself whilst experiencing horrific symptoms of pain, nausea, digestive issues and more. I’ve had to learn not to take it too personally when friends cancel on seeing me or sensing their disappointment/bemusement when I cancel on seeing them. Yes, I have had lots of practice. It doesn’t make it any less awful though.

 Australia has had a particularly bad run. The bushfires broke out in spring and for almost all of November and December we literally could not go outside because the air was toxic. The smoke blocked out the sun, rained apocalyptic ash and embers on us which sparked more fires. I have a compromised immune system and so I really felt the effects of the smoke. Red eyes, runny nose, sore throat - the works. That crushing, extended period of terror took a huge toll on me mentally, as well. Then, just as the smoke started to clear a little, the heat waves came. I’m talking about 48°C (113°F) days. You cannot go out in that. More people die from heat waves than most other natural disasters combined, and people were dying in Australia. People died from the smoke and the heat and that doesn’t even include deaths from the fires themselves. Then the fires were put out not just by some heavy rain but by actual torrential flooding. So for a few weeks in February we were cooped up indoors unable to go out because the train lines had literally washed away and it was too dangerous to drive.

 And then the coronavirus hit Australia.

 Now everyone is being told to lock themselves in their homes. For many of us, particularly the chronically ill and most vulnerable, we’ve already had months and months of that. And bear in mind: I had to pretty much self-isolate all winter. Because such cretins like anti-vaxxers exist, it’s really difficult for those with compromised immune systems to go out in winter and not get sick with the flu, which can be crippling or even deadly for us. Secondly, winter is extremely hard on my body. My pain gets infinitely worse in the cold weather. Last year I spent most of winter inside. I barely saw the sun. The only way I can get through those 3 to 5 months of cold is keeping in mind the prospect of spring and summer, when I can go out more often. But I couldn’t go out in the spring and summer of 2019. My long stretch of being stuck indoors went on and on and on, and now I’m being told it could be another six months before I can go out again  - just in time for the start of the next bushfire season.

 After all the hardships we endured last year and after finally giving up running my not-for-profit due to worsening health, we really needed something to look forward to in 2020. I had no less than 14 medical appointments in the first eight weeks of this year. We spent thousands of dollars on seeing specialists and therapists to try to fix my broken body. The only time I would be out of the house was to see another medical professional. And then I broke up with my friend of 14 years (and his family), which led to me feeling more alone and more depressed. And then my elderly friend died at the end of February. Everything looked bleak.

 Strapped for cash, my partner tried to think of affordable ways we could still have fun this year. We finally had our own home, so maybe we could invite people over. Our social lives really suffered while running the non-profit, especially with all the drama of last year, so this year we pledged would be different.

We spent half a day in February in front of our wall planner and planned boardgame nights, our birthday parties, dinners with friends and excursions at local festivals and markets. I felt my spirits pick up a little and hope stir in my heart.

 All that has been cancelled now.

 For someone who is chronically ill and alone most of the time, we live for these outings. We live for the moments of socialization and human bonding that we are otherwise deprived of so much of the time. These things are the light at the end of the tunnel of pain and nausea and sickness. So to have that taken away from us? There are no words to describe how eviscerating that emotional pain is.

 To add insult to injury, we’re currently watching able-bodied people behaving even more despicably than usual. They descend like locusts on stores and rob the vulnerable, including our poorest regional communities (STILL RECOVERING FROM BUSHFIRES), of their food and resources. We’re witnessing them stepping over the disabled, sick and impoverished to panic buy all basic necessities. We hear them complaining about how hard it’s going to be to give up seeing the football and to stay home with the kids these next few months. It’s fucking galling. Now they are starting to taste what we have to experience, and yet there is still no consideration for what we’re going through.

 Instead, we hear shit like: “The self-isolation thing is so annoying. I mean, it’s only the sick and elderly who will die from it so I don’t see why I can’t go out to a concert!”

 Only the sick and the elderly: this implies our lives have no inherent value. But I guess, under a capitalist system, that’s how people see things.

  I am just so goddamn tired. I’m tired of trying to be positive all the time when things are just terrible right now. I’m tired of being dismissed, ignored, or made to feel like a whiny burden. I’m tired of the hypocrisy.  I am tired of the fear and selfishness and ugliness all around me. I’m tired of being sick and I’m tired of being punished for it.

This coronavirus has highlighted so many deep flaws with our culture and our economic system. It’s shown up humans for the self-centered, individualistic bigots we are. It’s illuminated how pathetic our treatment is of the world’s most vulnerable. It’s really underscored how incompetent our leaders are. Not that this will motivate anyone to change anything. Keep selfish, carry on.

And so it goes. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·18 days agoText


on a side note: i rlly wish people would respect that i dont want to be out and about rn. i do wanna stay in my room and since my city has declared a “state of emergency” and since the cases just seem to be doubling overnight, id just rather not be out and about in the community. i feel any sane person would feel this way if they were concerned about being sick, but hi also remember that having legit OCD during this time period is absolute hell even more than it already was. and people just arent willing to even begin to try to understand or respect that and its driving me insane

also, just because you are only now just sanitizing your hands, workspace, etc. doesnt mean that you have ocd. it’s not a fucking personality quirk and being a sensible human and keeping your shit clean during this is common sense. stop saying “oMg iM So OcD11!!1″ everytime you wash your hands or refuse a handshake. saying shit like that is making an absolute debilitating disorder that i have seem like a cute quirk.

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·18 days agoText

I am like, super depressed at the moment.

After a suicide attempt I unknowingly assisted her with, my grandma died in hospital. I feel responsible for this but also hurt that she put me in this position. And the worst part is I can’t talk to her about it because she’s no longer there. I was so close with my grandma and the fact that she could hurt me in this way is just incomprehensible to me. I don’t know how to get past this.

My mum is my best friend and my biggest support, but when I tell her I’m depressed she almost belittles it and doesn’t seem to realise quite how bad I my state of mind actually is. After I talk to her about it she’ll say something like “are you better now?” She just doesn’t seem to understand that I am always depressed, just I am better at hiding it most of the time. I love her with all my heart but she just doesnt seem to ‘get it’.

What do, huh?

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·18 days agoText







Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people don’t just “have pain for no reason” doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that “well some people just have pain for no reason” get a new doctor. That’s a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.

I just wanna add to clarify the psychosomatic thing.

That word DOES NOT MEAN you’re making it up. It doesn’t mean you’re imagining the symptom. What it means is that the symptom ISN’T DIRECTLY CAUSED BY ANY OF THE THINGS THAT WOULD NORMALLY CAUSE IT.

I fought to get a PCOS diagnosis for 2 and a half years. For the ENTIRE time I was fighting, I was dealing with 3 cysts that were not going away by themselves and eventually required surgery to remove. At one point close to the end of the battle, I suddenly went blind. I was visiting my parents and was standing on the veranda looking out over the tree we had planted in memory of my dog and suddenly I got one of the shooting pains that I was quite frankly used to at that point and my vision started to go dark. It was like the sun was setting while being completely hidden behind storm clouds but it was 2pm in the middle of Summer on a clear day. Within about 30 seconds I couldn’t see ANYTHING. I was 27 years old and I was screaming for my mother.

My mum raced me to her doctor (he was a 15 minute drive away as opposed to 45 minutes to the nearest hospital) and he quickly worked out that there was nothing wrong with my eyes and what had happened was totally unrelated to them. Then he said it was psychosomatic and I freaked out, yelling that I was NOT making this up and I definitely wasn’t imagining it. Very quickly he calmed me down and said he believed me and I had misunderstood. He explained that whatever was going on with my abdominal pains (he suggested PCOS which I hadn’t even heard of at that point) had been ignored for so long that my body was starting to do things other than the normal pain response to try to draw my attention to the problem. My sight going was my body basically jumping around in front of me going “HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME HELLLOOOOOOO??????”

He gave me some prescription strength painkillers and my sight started to come back as soon as they started to kick in. About 45 minutes after it started I could see well enough to walk around without help and within a day and a half I was back to normal. On top of that I finally had a scan booked to figure out what the hell was causing all the pain.

Psychosomatic symptoms are NOT imagined or fabricated or happening for “no reason”. Experiencing them DOES NOT make you a liar. It makes you someone who has been battling with something serious for so long that your own body has started to get impatient with you.

I completely agree. Thank you for sharing this.

Psychosomatic symptoms are literally your body flipping random alarm switches just to get any alarm blaring because you’ve been ignoring the regular ones

I don’t usually add to posts but I thought it was important to add that this 100% goes for mental health, too.

When I was 18, only a few months after graduating from high school, I started having seizures. Serious, triggered at the drop of a hat, knock me unconscious for an hour or more and leave me dazed for days kind of seizures.

I was rushed to hospital two or three times within the space of a week after passing out in the middle of cooking dinner or talking with my family, but the hospital could not find anything wrong with me. I spent a week in the hospital in a planned admission, connected to an EEG monitor for 23 hours a day with the doctors hoping to catch my seizures in action and finally figure out what they were. I don’t know how many seizures I had during that week, but at the end of it, they said that even after all that, there was nothing wrong with me. After that, they sent me to a psychologist.

I was diagnosed with PNES - Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Siezures. Essentially, it was explained to me, I had been ignoring my anxiety and PTSD for so long that my body was acting out just like @kamorth ’s had. When they started treating me for anxiety and PTSD, my siezures eventually turned into panic or anxiety attacks, and then stopped altogether.

The moral of the story is don’t ignore pain. Whether it be physical, mental, whatever. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something is wrong and it has ways of making you listen to it eventually. Some of those ways are seriously disabling and once you get to that stage, it can be a long road to recovery.

Just because therapy might be helpful for some psychosomatic symptoms doesn’t mean it was fake. It means your treatment worked.

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·19 days agoText


It‘s not the type of sad „oh I‘m so sad I need ice cream“ it‘s more like „oh I‘m so fcking sad I can‘t live anymore and it feels like I‘m worthless and I don‘t belong here“ type of sad.

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·19 days agoText


“Depression is the cousin that shows up at the doorstep of my chest unannounced. I welcome them inside. Brew a fresh pot of coffee. Wrap my favorite blanket around their shoulders. Ask quietly, ‘what brought you here?’ They say, ‘what do you mean? I live here.’”

i live here // Haley Hendrick

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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·19 days agoText





Children Won’t Say They Have Anxiety, They Say ‘My Stomach Hurts!’

Who’s having some realizations about their early childhood right now 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

yeah i did exactly this. this is how children interpret panic attacks and such, so if your kid tells you they have stomach aches, especially sudden, around certain times of days, certain places, or certain events, they are likely having panic attacks


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my-middle-name-is-anxiety·21 days agoText


There’s a joke somewhere in the fact that my cat helped me realize I have fibromyalgia by stepping on me constantly so I realized I had sensitive spots in all the fibromyalgia places, and the word “cat scan,” but I can’t find the wording

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