my-mother-is

[my-mother-is]

(long time no log in. i’m still alive! and in a wonderful master’s low-res creative writing program. this project will likely be recycled/remixed/reused.)

[my-mother-is]

pain busies itself. // Mourning, gone awry. // Melancholy, put up with anew, / finds its level.

Paul Celan, from “[Unkept],” Breathturn into Timestead, tr. Pierre Joris (via lifeinpoetry)

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

           She would say with relief: the night is finally over (she suffered during the night, alone, a cruel business).

October 27 from Roland Barthes’ Mourning Diary

#roland barthes #mourning diary #october #suffering #terminal #my mother is #quotes #mourning #relief

[my-mother-is]

- You have never known a Woman’s body!

- I have known the body of my mother, sick and then dying.

October 27 from Roland Barthes’ Mourning Diary

#reblogs #mother

[my-mother-is]

Louise Glück, from “Timor Mortis”, Poems 1962-2012

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

an even more prolonged hiatus than initially planned. 

tl/dr: life happened / happens. 

i’ve been gone, but for better reasons than above. over the past couple of months, i’m grateful to have been experiencing renewed creativity for topics outside of my grief, & have been actively fanning those much-missed flames. in march i was in residence for 2 weeks & created new poetry, a collage book, & a found poetry-blackout-collage installation - all on topics outside of my mother & my grief.

i’m now on a self-imposed residency for 4.5 weeks in palm springs, returning to photography after a Very Long Hiatus, & reading Roland Barthes’ Mourning Diary & Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking. 

I haven’t forgotten this account, nor its Instagram equivalent (which I’ve actually returned to earlier... oops), & you’ll see it more active now - starting with sharing some passages from the Mourning Diary that reflect my own experiences with my mother. Other passages that speak to universal grief / suffering / mourning will be on @causticameracrap or @erisolympia 

sorry for the prolonged hiatus. i’ve been struggling with ideation for weeks and i lost a mutual today. 

#these words are mine

[my-mother-is]

To leave the world of objects and enter the world of words was to return to the site of acquired grief.

How To Go From Poetry To Art, Anne Boyer (via decreation)

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

not to dredge up old wounds and sound bitter but when I was 17 my dad died in a house fire and the very next week we had a huge geometry test I hadn’t studied for because of the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation so the extremely kind kid sitting next to me let me cheat from his test since the answers were multiple choice, but I was SO stressed about the whole House Fire Dead Dad situation I didn’t even notice we had different tests.

My teacher handed them back the next day with an obvious zero written on mine, and when I started crying in class he told me that’s what I get for cheating, in front of everyone.

Most things from my teenagehood I have let go, but if I ever run into this man in a grocery store I 100% will ask him what is problem was.

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

i know how bad a handful of people will feel, because i have felt it myself, but i also can’t reach out to them now because burdening them with All This now is also horrific. 

i know how Horrible and Alone my dad will feel. but it just isn’t enough. 

i finally understand how my mother felt now. 

#these words are mine

[my-mother-is]

105.

i didnt want to pray but she has suffered enough the woman has suffered and she has suffered enough it’s time to stop it’s time to stop

#suffering #mother #My mother is dying #my mother is #prose #these words are mine

[my-mother-is]

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

Tell me again about the part where grief is not my name.

Brenna Twohy, from “Conversations About Top Chef,” swallowtail (via lifeinpoetry)

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

104.

9:45pm. i am finally alone and i fall into hysterics sitting on the toilet. yes she has been terrible to me. yes there have been many bad times but she is my mother and i am losing her i am losing my only mother.

#loss #dying #mother #toxic mother #abusive mother #My mother is dying #my mother is #prose #these words are mine

[my-mother-is]

Roland Barthes, Mourning Diary.

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

melancholy leaves me breathless…

from Sometimes by Mary Oliver (via erisolympia)

#reblogs

[my-mother-is]

103.

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Mom let go.

#repetition #let go #mother #dying #my mother is #My mother is dying #these words are mine

[my-mother-is]

#mother #film photography #black and white #bw photography #photographers on tumblr #photographer on tumblr