myfriendsneedtostop

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Just like how Jason Todd thinks he can help reduce crime by taking over and doing a better job of it, Tim Drake could do the same thing but with all those rogues with multiple degrees.

Tim- They won't have time to become rogues and hire minions if they're my minions first. The Rest of the Family (except Jason)- *concerned bat noises* Jason- *nodding* Makes sense to me.

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Nightwing, Bludhaven’s Vigilante: known for being super kind and cheerful and safe and sane and (mostly) harmless

Robin, a product of Dick Grayson’s grief and determination to better the world: unhinged, known for his Robin Cackles of Unholy Glee, the harbringer of hope for the weak and terror for the bad, has no concept of the word “safe” that doesn’t involve a dive into a net. Batman always protects Gotham, and sometimes that means barely (and failing) to keep his feral protege out of trouble.

That’s literally the most successful PR image changes I’ve ever seen and I bet you that the villains in his Young Justice days fucking praised whatever gods they believed in, the day Tim Drake took over because hearing that eerie laugh always meant an upcoming ass kicking by the OG boy wonder.

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Tim: I don't think we can Blackmail, Bully, Babygirl our way out of this one guys

Dick: Tim, what-

Jason, grinning: BOMBS IT IS

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Tim: I don't think we can Blackmail, Bully, Babygirl our way out of this one guys

Dick: Tim, what-

Jason, grinning: BOMBS IT IS

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Damian: *storming into the den* Faaaather, Drake called me a rude word-

Tim: For the hundredth time, I said you were acting like Dick, not acting like a dick!

Jason: *not even glancing up from his book* That’s debatably worse

Dick: *exaggeratedly wounded gasp*

Damian: *pulling a knife* You take that back Todd-

Bruce: *as chaos ensues* …I’m out

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Brucie Wayne, during an interview the publicist forced him and his family to give: "I adopted Dick from the circus the night we met, Jason--"

"I was kidnapped from the Narrows," Jason interjected.

Bruce, undeterred, beaming. "-- Tim's technically the neighbour's kid, Stephanie--"

"I'm sort of just staying here." Stephanie crossed her arms.

"--Damian's mom--"

"--randomly returned him and we're all just enjoying this little blessing," Tim says with a large grin, ruffling Damian's hair.

Dick plasters on an even faker smile, gripping Damian's hand before the kid can reach for a knife.

"-- Cass is just a little angel who Barbara introduced me to. And I adopted Duke after his parents became unwell."

Interviewer: ...

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Jason: You know how you're all always going on about how Dick is the "best, nicest, most responsible older brother"?

Tim: Vaguely

Steph: Sorta

Damian: Tt

Duke: Ehh

Cass: [nods]

Jason: Well, I call bullshit. He wasn't like that almost a decade ago with me. He was an asshole

Dick: [sputters] I'll admit I wasn't completely thrilled about you at first, but name one time I was irresponsible with you

Jason: That time you were teaching me how to use the trapeze while Bruce was out of town, and I fractured my wrist

Dick: Yeah? And I took you to the ER, so what?

Jason: Under occupation on the hospital paperwork you wrote "failed acrobat"

[Everyone bursts into laughter]

Dick: Was I wrong?! You did not get the move down, you failed. I.e. FAILED acrobat

Jason: [turns to everyone and gestures to Dick] See? Ass Hole

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Bruce *storming in, burnt and covered in ash*: Where is your brother?

Damian and Tim: tf??

Tim: uh I think Jason’s in the library?

Bruce: no not him the other one

Dick, *scurries past the door*

Bruce: RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON why did you set my bed on fire

Dick: You deserve it!!

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Source smoothdunk on twitter

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Tim: Jason, could you pass the salt?

Jason: Could you pass away?

Bruce: (to a horrified Justice League): This is normal

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Dick: "Oh hang on, before we go out I just need to check something."

Jason, annoyed, leaning over his shoulder: "Are you hacking Blüdhaven PD? You know you can just go to work tomorrow and log in right?"

Dick: "Shut up for a second. I need to focus."

Jason: "Are you-- are you destroying evidence related to Nightwing??"

Dick, ignoring him resolutely as he finishes up.

Jason, cackling: "Oh my God, wait 'till Batman finds out you're a corrupt cop."

[myfriendsneedtostop]

bruce wayne dropping in on the batboy's conversations randomly, hoping that he'll hear something intellectual or interesting, but instead gets hit with the stupidest shit he's ever heard in his life, every time.

jason: "hey dick can you tell tim that armadillos aren't real?"

dick: "...why would i tell him that???"

jason: "because he thinks they're real?"

dick: "jason."

tim: "I TOLD YOU!!!"

[myfriendsneedtostop]

my favorite thing in Justice League fics is when a character fucks up so badly that their only option is to go talk to Batman. And they still — still — take a moment to figure out how desperate they are before going.

Bruce has such “don’t bother me, I’m working, also why the hell would you do that” disapproving dad energy. It’s stunning.

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Love the slight AUs where Bruce as Batman has been a member of the league for ages, but he's somehow managed to keep his assortment of children under the radar.

Because it sets up the wildest misunderstandings within the league. He routinely talks about his babies, his children who are all so sweet and kind and occasionally assholes yes but only because they are young (and traumatized) hell I don't think the league would even be aware that they're adopted. So they're all thinking literal children

Barry: Bats really loves his kids.

Hal: I mean they're babies, wait till they hit the angsty teens and I'm sure we'll be hearing the opposite

Which means the day they finally meet Nightwing they don't know wtf to think. For one thing, how old would he have been when he had this kid???? Should they be worried about that???? And for the other, that is not a baby, that is not a precious little thing.

He could break someone in half. Like a twig.

He won't, but he could. And they can see that. (He's bat trained, they have seen what the bat can do they are not fools)

And they're like, okay. Okay maybe he isn't the baby (he is). He's got younger kids right? He's never said how many, they have 0 clues. They've been expecting 1 child, maybe 2 because he'd said kid in the plural exactly once when comforting an older woman while they were searching for her children in the aftermath of a rough battle.

And then a week later they run into Red Hood. In his leather, with his guns. And he drapes himself across Batmans back with all the self confidence in the world and starts whining about the "Brat" breaking into his safe house.

To steal his dog.

And yet again. He is not baby. He is bigger than Batman. He could probably break Batman in half given the bat didn't put up a fight. But Batman looks at him with probably the softest expression they've ever seen on that mans face and tells him very earnestly that the kid just wants to spend time with his older brother, next time they should try a walk. Maybe go to the zoo.

But probably not one of the babies. They're kind, and gentle, and at least one just loves reading and Bats has been trying to encourage that!!!

And then a day later he mentions his "babies" going for a walk in the park and they all instantaneously lose their minds at the confirmation.

[myfriendsneedtostop]

The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

[myfriendsneedtostop]

A shitty, 5-second night shot clip of Red Hood in the full suit goes viral: it's him casually walking next to a street cat, pausing to look at it, and meowing once.

When he learns about the video, Jason fully expects to be mercilessly mocked by his friends and family.

What actually happens is much worse.

...Because Tim and Steph band together with Roy to steal his helmet and replace it with a version with cat ears.

[myfriendsneedtostop]

Someone flirts with Red Hood

*materializing* Dickie as Nightwing: HE'S 17/18/19... YEARS OLD!!!

Jason "the Red Hood " Todd, humanoid fridge, crime lord, protector of the downtrodden, looks and sounds at least 10 years older than he is: you're ruining my street cred