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n-o-t-t · 1 month
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little red painting
today I painted a little red painting, it was the prettiest one I had made in a while
I painted a little red painting, my arms hurt yet I can't seem to put the brush dripping in crimson down.
I painted a little red painting, my house looks prettier now that the painting adorns the walls
I painted a little red painting, even if I want I can't part ways with it.
It's my blood sweat and tears after all
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n-o-t-t · 1 year
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I killed my demons yet i still fight a war. A restless struggle to battle on. To survive and live on
I killed my evil yet i still bleed black. A dark cavern that seems boundless. A cold night that seem endless
I killed my sins yet i pray to god. A futile prayer, unheard forever, turning a deaf ear to all the screams i shout towards the sky
Should I kill myself. The last hope, a final search for the light, a final scream.
To save me from me.
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n-o-t-t · 1 year
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A LETTER TO ME
I am sorry
For all the times I put others needs before you. I am sorry for all the time and i wasted on people who don't give a shit about you. Sorry for forcing you to smile while all you wanted to do was burst out crying. I am sorry for all the times when you had to listen to other and silence your own screams. I am sorry for all the times i made you write comforting words while your own hands bleed. I am sorry for making being sad your norm and happy a blue moon. I am sorry that i give away all the love i am supposed to give you. i am sorry for i can't treat you the way you deserve to be treat. I am sorry i always act so me.
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n-o-t-t · 1 year
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Is there a god up somewhere, why does he not hear my prayers. Why does he not see my tears.
Is there a god up somewhere, why did he make me so me. Gave me everything but happiness. Gave me no lesson just saddness.
If there is a god up there, does he hate me because i am his flawed creation. A broken soul that only begs for help, a mistake that only barks shameful yelps
If there is a god up there will he accept me if i come find him. Listen to all my complaint he ignored while is was stilll trying.
If there is a god up there will he ask for my forgiveness. Did he put me through so much misery just so i could return to be repaired? He made me, i hope he accepts me back. i am his broken creation afterall, will he apologize or send me back to this hell?
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n-o-t-t · 1 year
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SINNER
Pride
I take pride in myself, in my work. I take pride in my achievements, in my hard work.
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
Greed
I am greedy for love, greedy for happiness. I am greedy for money, greedy for success
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
Lust
I desire pleasure, i celebrate sensuality. I lust for warmth, i lust for touch
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
Sloth
I get tired, i get depressed. I laze around, i get stranded.
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
Gluttony
I crave to taste, i crave to quench my thirst. I crave for more and more
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
Envy
I envy those who love, i envy those who fall. I envy those who find happiness
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
Wrath
I see red, i scream and i cry in frustration, i say hateful words and break hearts
If that makes me a sinner, then so be it
-nótt
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n-o-t-t · 2 years
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NEVER COLD AGAIN
their are eyes on him, cold and unforgiving.
these words for him are sharp and upsetting.
the sky shed snow white tears as his froze in the cold lifeless night.
the warm sun never shows but the darkness blankets him through out eternity.
there burning hate is the only thing that brings him warmth and light.
so now the warm fire of hatred he burns and burn those around him for he never wants to feel the cold again
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a person who has never felt the warmth of the world will burn it down to fell it.
-nott
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n-o-t-t · 2 years
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NEVER ENOUGH
i spent countless minutes staring at the clock wondering when you will come by, but i guess my longing wasn't enough because the time ticked by and still dint hear you foot step walk by.
i spent hours looking into your blue eyes wondering when i will find the twinkle, but i guess my love wasn't enough because your eyes never seem to have the love i held in mine.
i spent years holding you in my embrace wondering when your hands will wrap around mine, but i guess my warmth wasn't enough because i never felt the comfort when i cried on your cold shoulders.
all this time ,a futile hope of you loving me i hold, but i guess my hope wasn't enough
-Nótt
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n-o-t-t · 2 years
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TWILIGHT
two broken opposites, one a fake sun and the other a forced moon, in reality they were heavy clouds ready to shed rain in a gloomy sky.
tied with a long red string, never far apart but never close enough, like day and night.
tangled up in twilight, the string pulls bringing them close but not close enough. they face a road full a glass shards ready to draw crimson blood like the red tensed string which desperately brings then closer to each other's heart .
alas the desperate red had gotten to greedy, the string snapped. the sun and the moon were again miles apart but the string was caught up in the glass shards.
the moon and the sun come closer, stepping on the broken pieces of the heart, watch as the glass crumbles and turns to dust that shimmers and flows away into the twilight.
they bring the string and then tie a knot, their heart connects and the rain falls
-Nótt
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n-o-t-t · 2 years
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PAINTER OF THE NIGHT
I am a painter of the night, crimson hues flow when the moon shines brightest in the sky. My paintings, mysterious like the dark I draw in, unknown like the feelings I drown in. hidden for the judging eyes of society
I am a painter of the night, my brush glides along the canvas when the heart is heavy in the chest. my paintings abstract like the love I crave, painful like the words people say.
I am a painter of the night, I paint death in a deep crimson red.
I am a painter of death because my blood and death are eternal while everything else is is just a hoax in the name of forever.
-NÓTT
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n-o-t-t · 2 years
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HOME
something about this world was always foreign to her, like she was the wrong piece in a puzzle, like she dint fit in. the whispers also told her strange things, to follow them inside the forest her mother told hellish stories about. To follow them inside the forest that seemed to be swallowed by darkness the harder you looked.
the darkness that seemed more welcoming than her front door. it was getting hard to resist the whispers and harder to resist herself. 'why must she not welcome the comfort of the darkness instead of resisting it?' she thought everyday until, her thoughts became reality
As she ventured into the dark woods, a little euphoric. maybe it was the drugs or maybe it was the feeling of being accepted. she strained her eyes in the darkness only to see blue ones that screamed home to her.
-nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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NOT THE KNIGHT
they feared his lifeless black eyes, the ones that seemed to be deeper than the raging seas
they feared his cold dull voice,the one that seemed to make you shiver like the scary winter nights
they feared his stoic grim face, the one that seemed to make death cover into darkness
he was a villain straight out of a chilling tale of cruel and murderous love. unconditional and unreasonable love that he gave but never got back in return because
they could not love the sparkle in his dark ebony eyes, the one that seemed to put the starry to shame
because they could not love the deep baronet, the one that whispered beautiful nothings into the ears
because they could not love the unnoticed slight smile, the one that graced his lips only when in walked the love of his life
while most wait for a prince charming, i watched from a distance because the it the villain that had captured my heart not the knight
-nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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EXTRA ORDINARY 
plain black hair like the burned coal, dull brown eyes like a muddy path. nothing magical for falling in love with. wished for gold hair as pretty as the setting sun ,blue eyes as clear as the skies, something special because maybe then someone would fall in love with this extra ordinary Las.
a crooked smile like a stranger in the dark , strange voice like the crackle that scare children at night . nothing that is beautiful for falling in love with. wished  for paper white teeth, a voice so melodious it put the sirens into a trance,  something special because maybe then someone would fall in love with this extra ordinary Las.
curvy body like an odd piece of art, ugly face like the ones witches have in a fairy tail. nothing that is pretty to the eyes. wished for a perfect body that someone paints, a pretty face that puts flower to shame .something special because maybe then someone would fall in love with this extra ordinary Las.
average personality like every other person on the street , average interest like every other a person you will meet. nothing good enough to give up time. wished for a flawless image, talents that make heads spin every time. something special because maybe then someone would fall in love with this extra ordinary Las.
mundane life, mundane style, just another ordinary girl that no one likes.
- Nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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CHANGE THE PAST 
Empty, their is a void in my heart,a void in my world.
Worthless, my prayers are unheard, my emotions are buried deep within, unknown
Futile,my hopes are misleading, my longings are unsatisfied 
Unshed, my tears are unmoving, my head is only refusing.
My chest is heavy bearing a even heavier heart, it’s sinking down towards the dark. no one can lift this weight, not unless they can change the past
 My grieving heart and my unwilling body watch as the moon sets and the sun rises. they say that the world does not stop for anyone but what should i do when you were my world 
- Nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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METAMORPHOSES
 Cracking out of a safe shell, into the colorful hues of the earth, sun and moon.On the cushioned embrace of evergreen blankets, free of all worries and responsibilities, i dally around in pure joy and ignorance.
blooming into my new self, into the wilderness of the alien world, terrain and skies. into the harsh reality of  deadly nature, bearing the weight of the springs on my wings, i take flight into a whole new world.
weathering into my beaten self, into the dirt of the hateful earth. i struggle for my final glory, i dance stealing everyone of their spring as the cold world slowly turns grey
- Nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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OPPOSITES 
bright like the first ray of sunlight that filters through the fluttering leafs, pure like the first drop of dew that falls from the lush grass. her smile so dazzling that it even put the sun to shame. 
dull like the last note of a sorrowful ballet sung by a broken heart, grim like the lover who has lost the war of love. his glare so dark that it even put the cold moon to shame.
two opposite, unknown to each other like the two faces of a coin.
 but bound to each other by fate, just like death and life.
- Nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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FREEDOM
Riding the zephyr of the white blue yonders, I am one with the skies. even in the bluest hues I glide, even in the reddest hues i thrive.
 I dance through the morning dues, and sway with the lush evergreens, ever racing , chasing the horizon. Towards eternity i drive .
I flow with the cadence of the current, and ripple in the racing streams, ever cascading, diving to the depths of the sea. Into the unknown i arrive
I am unstoppable, I am unbeatable, I am unpredictable
I am freedom
-nótt
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n-o-t-t · 3 years
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at the end of the world,
glares. there eyes are on me, unmoving, unforgiving. Staring down on me, judging and blaming. Why? is it cause i am weird ?, is it cause what i like is not a trend ?  
laughter. there voices are whispering about me, degrading, taunting. talking down to me, hurtful and harsh. Why? is it cause i am different ? is it cause i don’t go according to the society?
where?, there is a place for me, loving, caring. waiting for me, comforting and warm. where? is it right here ? is it right there ?
is it at the end of the world?
-nott
p.s- i am a good listener if anyone wants to vent about their feelings <3 
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