My boyfriend talks in his sleep and because he’s bilingual, he says some hilarious/weird/sometimes creepy shit. I ask him every morning if he remembers saying this stuff and he has no idea about any of it.
Here are some of my favorites:
-”Babe, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin”
-After stealing all of the blankets: “This is my right as a human”
-After I take the blankets back: “I don’t want your freedom, America. Just blanket”
-Sometimes he just says “Hello?” as if he’s answering a phone call
-One night he just said “Cabbage” which is weird because he doesn’t know the english word for that when he’s awake.
-After spooning me: “You have a nice butt”
-”Who is that in the corner?” (terrifying)
-”Watch out for the red lady” (even more terrifying)
-Sometimes he will say things in German and it sounds like he’s speaking Parseltongue
-One time I actually think he said something in Parseltongue
-One time he talked about buying a ticket to “everywhere” and then just said “hello?” after two minutes of silence
-And my all time favorite: ”This is MY yogurt, Satan”
Y’all on tumblr:
me, an average person:
Here is Miles Morales
Y’all: We want a non white Captain America
Here is Sam Wilson (Falcon)
Y’all: what about a PoC and muslim Captain Marvel
Here is Kamala Khan
Y’all: We want a PoC Hulk
Here you have Amadeus Cho
Y’all: we want a non male Poc Ironman
here is Riri Williams (Ironheart)
Y’all: We Want LGBT+ heroes
America Chavez, Bisexual
Logan, a raging bisexual
in case y’all forgot, Deadpool is pansexual
With this Carol. Discuss
Me trying to prepare myself for the mental strain of hearing ppl say shit like “The Black Widow trailer just came out and it already looks better than Captain Marvel!” when there’s legit like no reason to compare these two beautiful women who both have/will have a movie that’s got a completely different type of plot, characters and settings from the other
What’s up with putting two women up against each other thing tho when it’s obvious the two characters would like (adore) eachother?(ddgffgh or Scarlett & Brie are just nice together) I thought we was done wit that shit.
So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”
To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”
I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.
Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.
I thought that would be the end of it.
Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular.
But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’
So this isn’t lesbian/jock solidarity but I thought you guys would want to know-
My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”
And deadass, dudebro said “Hang on” and then proceeded to pull a fucking wrench out of his backpack
Update- after school today he saw me in the library and he didn’t say anything? He just pointed at the book he was holding and I gave him a thumbs up because it’s a pretty good book, and he went “Yes!” Really quiet and pumped his fist and then left
This dude is so stoked about his new lesbian best friend and I love it
Ahh, such a good day to block st*rker and th*rki shippers.