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me: i’m a low support autistic person, I don’t really need accommodations!

also me: if places had private “stimming spaces” where i could pace back and forth, fidget with my hands, listen to music, and take a brief moment to unmask and recharge my social battery that would legitimately change my life and help so much with my chronic burnout

#lizzy's personal posts

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okay so the other sunday it was a special occasion night at my local goth club meaning there were a lot of “tourists,” or people who have never been to the club before who are probably like “oh look guys a ~goth club~ let’s go see what it’s like”

and the influx of tourists in itself is not the problem. I was a tourist once! when I first went to the club 5 years ago I also thought it was going to be a one time thing to see what it was like, and I never in a million years pictured myself as an active participant in goth subculture (though hindsight 20/20 there were definitely signs that someday I would be)

BUT what is the problem is that I swear because it’s not a “normal” club they feel like they can act like dickheads. and it pisses me off because I KNOW these people don’t act like this at “normal” bars and clubs! like when I walked in and someone was trying to argue with our door girl that they should just be allowed to bring in their bottle of gatorade even though it goes against the “no outside food or drinks” policy that exists at practically every event space ever. now I had already been running late, I wanted to get to dancing with my friends, and I couldn’t be let in until the idiot in front of me would throw away their drink and actually enter the fucking club, so I straight up went “OH MY GOD NOBODY CARES JUST FUCKING GO!!! MOVE!!!” and they did! and i’m normally never like that, I hate being rude, but neither me, the door girl, or the other people waiting in line to get in give a single fuck that you want to keep your almost empty gatorade because you’re “sooooo drunk,” either get a water at the bar or go the fuck home!

however, the most egregious example I can recall from the previous night was a group of dudes in normal clothes who kept dropping their drinks on the dance floor right behind me and a group of girls I was dancing with, and when we looked back they were like “haha sorry :)” and then I think they tried to say something else, possibly as a dumbass attempt to try and start a conversation with the ~hot goth girls on the dance floor~ (pro tip: when we’re on the floor we don’t want to be spoken to, we want to dance. it’s the dance floor, not the conversation floor), but instead we just rolled our eyes and turned our backs to them and they fucked off. and of course they didn’t bother to flag down a staff member to let them know about the spilled liquid and ICE CUBES on the floor, just letting it remain a hazard to everyone because they either wanted attention or don’t have the grip strength to hold onto a plastic fucking cup full of liquid.

groups of dude tourists are the worst though because they’re coming to the club to try and get themselves a ~goth dommy mommy gf~, so when they’re not cockblocking themselves by being annoying assholes ruining the evenings of the goth girls they’re trying (and failing) to get with, they’re cockblocking themselves by staring at you on the floor the whole time like this 👁️👄👁️ but better they stare and say nothing instead of coming up to you repeatedly asking you if you wanna dance even after you’ve told them no 3 or 4 separate times, which I had happen at a con rave the day before.

#i’m getting to the point where i just shout ‘NO!’ before they get halfway through their sentence #lizzy's personal posts

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I don't see people talking about this so today is the 110th anniversary of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, in where the factory owners locked working women and girls inside to "eliminate the risk of theft" (in reality it was too keep them from taking breaks), which resulted in the gruesome deaths of 123 mostly immigrant women and girls and 23 men, many of whom jumped to their deaths from the ninth floor either in a panicked attempt to escape or in order to die quickly. There were reports that some of the workers were on fire already as they jumped.

The eighth floor of the building was able to telephone the tenth floor to warn them about the fire, but the factory on the ninth floor where these women and girls labored had no such communication and such warning.

The factory owners were criminally charged with manslaughter for actions that contributed to the mass deaths but acquitted. However, this tragedy led to mass sympathy to the labor movement, and unions spurred on safety regulations that passed in New York state and eventually the entire country, and activists were able to reduce child labor in the process.

This tragedy is a reminder that has been forgotten in the 110 years since: every safety regulation-- every scrap of paperwork contributing to the hundreds of pages of red tape people like to complain about--every word of it was written in the blood of a laborer.

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ANNE HATHAWAY

Photographed by Chris Colls for V Magazine (Summer 2024)

#ATE DEVOURED CONSUMED LEFT NO CRUMBS

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like the best way to describe the life i live right now is if you time traveled back to 2014 and found me mid-panic attack thinking about how i wanted to die and you were like “no don’t kill yourself this is what your future looks like” 14 year old me would be like “OKAY THANK GOD”

i never in a million years expected myself to do cosplay but it sort of makes sense as some sort of an inner child healing thing because there’s something about dancing to gangnam style in a sailor moon cosplay at a con rave that makes my inner 13 year old scream FUCK YEAH

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i never in a million years expected myself to do cosplay but it sort of makes sense as some sort of an inner child healing thing because there’s something about dancing to gangnam style in a sailor moon cosplay at a con rave that makes my inner 13 year old scream FUCK YEAH

#lizzy's personal posts

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.

thinking about how my ex-friend from college flunked out our freshman year because he was “too depressed” (so he never did his homework or applied himself academically) meanwhile i graduated with honors for both of my degrees while struggling NOT ONLY with garden variety depression and anxiety, but with undiagnosed adhd & ptsd (you know, from him ASSAULTING ME) as well, IN A PANDEMIC, while a bunch of other weird and traumatic shit was happening to me AND I had a part time job AND still made time to have fun with friends and participate in extracurriculars. and one of my degrees was in a language other than english.

and it was hell!!! every day of it was fucking hell and it was hard and I felt like shit the entire time but I still did what needed to get done!!!

and I know it’s not good to discount anyone’s mental health issues but i just have 0 sympathy for the cis white able-bodied man who chose to fail all his courses, thereby plunging himself into debt he can’t pay off (pissing off his parents as a result), and as far as I know he still hasn’t returned to complete his degree 7 years later.

in conclusion: (some) men are fucking babies…

#lizzy's personal posts #like i didnt care HOW bad my mental health got i was getting my degrees and LEAVING

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"don't live in the past" okay well the people I loved are there

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#MY SPOON IS TOOOOOO BIG

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no but literally i show up to work, i do my tasks in a timely manner, and leave and that should be enough but NOOOOO! now i’m in trouble at work now because the general manager wanted to have a meeting with my entire team at 9 in the morning to “~let us discuss our concerns about the company~” like ok! your concern should be “do I show up, do my job in a timely manner, and leave?” yes! yes I do! now give me more money.

idea for all corporate bosses: instead of scheduling a meeting right at 9AM CONSIDER: coming into my house and shooting me in the head because it would be less cruel

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it’s all “oh i can easily diy that cosplay for cheap” until you have to spent $12 on a tub of craft gemstones because you need 2 specific ones

#lizzy's personal posts #i just tell myself ‘it will all get used eventually’

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anyways 7 years ago today i met my ex best friend (the one i fell out with in 2020) and it’s my blog and i have thoughts

okay so. lizzy lore dump time.

when i was 17, i met this dude at a college event for rising freshmen soon to be attending my university.

at first i thought he was ugly and annoying, but then i got to know him, and he became one of my closest friends. he was charismatic and funny, we had a lot of shared interests, he wowed me with stories of his teenaged debauchery (something I never experienced and desperately wanted), and we had the same major and career goals. there was a time in my life where i saw this man every day. our apartments were 3 minutes walking distance from each other. we would stay up til odd hours watching silly movies and laughing about the complete nonsense we would say to each other. i trusted him completely, and in my mind he was like a brother to me (and for context: my older brother and i are INCREDIBLY close)

and then he sexually assaulted me in March 2020, right at the start of the pandemic.

it wasn’t a typical assault, however, so I didn’t realize what had happened until 6 months after the assault, and a month after he and I were no longer friends. in august of that year we had fallen out for completely unrelated reasons involving a “coke* pact” we had made as freshmen in college. for the uninitiated (because to 21-year-old-me’s surprise this is not a thing most people do), the pact was that i was not to try that drug for the first time without him present, and long story short that didn’t happen. he found out, got really angry, threatened to kill himself over it, and ended our friendship.

(side note: days earlier one of our mutual friends told me he had admitted to being in love with me, something i had always suspected. I think this has something to do with his reaction)

that was about 4 years ago and I still grieve this friendship every day. there’s a part of me that hates this. that tells me “he’s a predator and a bum, your life has only improved without him in it, we’ve been to trauma therapy, get over it and move on.”

but there’s a part of me that believes the friendship I had with that man was my real “first love,” but it was a PLATONIC love when the problem was he wanted a ROMANTIC love. why? because I genuinely believed that he was going to be in my life forever, and what is love if not that? so I guess the grief I feel has stemmed from trying to adjust to living without this “forever person,” and on top of that, having to grapple with the fact that I trusted him completely and he violated me.

as you may have guessed, that’s where a lot of my jaded feelings about men stem from. one of the most heartbreaking feelings to have come from ALL of this is that I loved that man so deeply and in the end he STILL objectified me, even after all the movies we watched, the jokes we made, the memes we shared, the heart to heart conversations we had, even when I had been in a vulnerable state around him dozens of times before, when he saw an opportunity to try and get whatever sexual gratification he wanted to get from me, he still took it. none of that shit mattered to him when I was finally insecure and inebriated enough to take advantage of. and if it didn’t matter to him, the man who I saw every day and loved like my own brother, does it matter to anyone? suffice to say, letting new people in after this has been incredibly difficult.

I suppose I should end this on a positive note, so I will say losing that friendship was hard, but it was also one of the best things to ever happen to me. when I spoke up to our mutual friends (none of which I fuck with anymore) about what he had done to me in January of 2021, I swear 5 good things happened to me on that day alone. The last 4 years have been a hard journey of healing and growth, but through that healing and growth I have been able to create a life for myself that i’m proud of. So, if had to go back and do it all again, I’d still break that fucking coke pact.

anyways, music is how I cope with things, so this is a playlist of all the songs I listened to that helped me get through this. the link is here. except for one song that isn’t on spotify, so i’m gonna include it here for fun:

*i know I have younger followers so if you’re under 18 and reading this 1. it’s overrated and if you have ADHD like I do you won’t feel anything and 2. if you dabble in substances be safe, be smart, know what to do if shit goes wrong, and please wait until you’re 18 at least.

#tw: sa mention #lizzy’s personal posts

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idea for all corporate bosses: instead of scheduling a meeting right at 9AM CONSIDER: coming into my house and shooting me in the head because it would be less cruel

#lizzy's personal posts

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#me someday

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i posted videos of me doing para para in a gyaru fit to tiktok and they’re really resonating with russian people?

#like half my notifs are in cyrillic #lizzy's personal posts

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The most popular browsers in different countries in 2012 and 2022.

by @theworldmaps_