nihilnovisubsole

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trip update: wow the galerie dior is big

#[junji ito voice] this is my museum! it was made for me!!

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online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't think anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

#defunct mid-2000s forums man #also tumblr people who moved eight fandom states away

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anyway. bonsoir

#the flight nearly murdered me but i lived

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i have two whole tv shows, two ebooks, two video games, and my gdocs writing projects for this ten-hour flight. if i'm bored, that's on me

#shitpost

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Evening Dress

Jacques Doucet

c.1918

Tessier & Sarrou

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Sir Philip Sasson (Phillip Albert Gustave David Sasson), 1923, John Singer Sargent

Medium: oil,canvas

#this is a side character in a drawing room play

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the gallery that sells my art will be closing in the next month or so, last chance to buy a piece for a while.

#get on this!! they're so good

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frye adrienne tall button boot

#joanna

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Everyday Dark Chocolate Cake

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what’s your ‘thing’ as a friend. i don’t mean like ‘oh im the mom friend’ i mean like what’s the Thing where if one of your friends was looking for a specific interaction they’d message you first. personally i can always be relied upon to get hyped about bugs, literature, and cursed internet images.

#two flavors: #video game dudes with 'hey it's your man' [usually agent 47 things] #and fashion things like 'hey what is that dress shape called so i can refine my shopping search'

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Arianne Martell - Dsquared2 Pre-fall 2013

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Painted rolling waves by Daniel Abel.

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Philippe Wolfers  Art Nouveau peacock pendant

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writing a romantic subplot into a canon with almost no onscreen romance is wild because you have nothing to go on. ffxiv is all about the power of emotion and we meet a bunch of characters with strongly-implied feelings, but it's a chaste story. the characters bond through beating up baddies and hanging out and exploring worlds and saving each other. there aren't, like, kissing scenes. if you want to experiment with adding A Capital-L Love Story in a way that matches the canon tone, you're fighting with one hand tied behind your back. you can look at how they handled love stories elsewhere in the series, like squall and rinoa or yuna and tidus, but you're still shooting in the dark.

"but AK, why would you worry about matching the source material's tone? fanfic is transformative! you should do whatever you want!" well, you see, i like a challenge, and also giving myself headaches, and i had time on my hands. i've made my bed, and now i'm lying in it. do as i say, not as i do

#ffxiv #genuinely just wanted to see whether it could be done. guess we're finding out!

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favorite character from any media BUT it has to be a woman. in the tags now go (pls talk to me about your favorite fictional women pls pls pls pls)

#i have some thots about some places diana burnwood's character went in the reboot but on the whole: gaslight gatekeep girlboss #showing myself out before i write five paragraphs again

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sometimes when work is busy or you have a lot going on in your life, your brain goes to weird places in search of a way to relax. you find some niche book genre and have to read everything in it, or you throw yourself into a hobby you haven't thought about for years. me, i tend to reminisce about the story concepts i came up with when i was much younger, like middle and high school. they're not good. the characters are personality sketches and art designs, and there's never much plot meat. they're beat sheets, or a few thousand words and vibes. the adults behave in confusing, edgy, melodramatic ways that make perfect sense when you're thirteen and think you're being deep. but they're nostalgic, and some of them have potential if i squint, so it's easy to go, "hmm. is there anything i could do with this now?"

and some of these concepts are fanfic, which has a particular allure, because you're tired, and it saves you sooo much worldbuilding legwork. remember that show or game you loved? you could reconnect with it! you could rotate blorbos you haven't rotated in twenty years! you could resurrect old ships! give OCs a new coat of paint and realize a story you couldn't do justice decades ago!

which is beguiling until the minute you go to ao3 and find the source material's fan presence is a barren wasteland. i'm no stranger to small fandoms, and i'll be the first to say you shouldn't make art for engagement alone, but i'm talking dozens of fics. ancient harry potter crossovers. hit counts in the low three digits. fics that share a word with the title, so they turn up in the search results. with stats like those, you wonder whether, if you posted about it, most of your followers would even know what you were talking about.

this is the point where i take myself by the shoulders and go, "AK, this is your gremlin brain talking. don't feed your gremlin brain." of course, at this point in my career, i should probably ask myself whether all fanfic is the gremlin brain talking, which is kind of a shame. time spent writing fanfic is lost opportunity cost that i should be using to build a body of original work. so i eat my vegetables and i work on the original outlines. but i wash the dishes, and i still think, wouldn't that be cool? man. man!!

#shitpost #all i do is navelgaze on tumblr now !! thanks NDA

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there are characters for whom “poor little meow meow” doesn’t quite cut it. To me he’s like a traumatized pit bull mix with a bite history and I’m the white girl with a savior complex trying to stop them from putting him down

#looks at the last ten years of my blog #sighs