nikibogwater

[nikibogwater]

#trespassing and maybe theft? #took my sweet time returning the mayor's shorts 'cause i wanted to make a copy to display in the museum #i did eventually return them tho so maybe that's not actually theft #Stardew Valley doesn't really allow for a lot of legally punishable crimes

[nikibogwater]

[nikibogwater]

not to get back on my michael knowles bullshit

but he explicitly analogizes tomboys to "gargoyles" -- interesting, make life better, but should never be central to Christian life. Essentially should be pushed to the fringes the way a gargoyle makes a church more interesting on the outside but should never be the focus of the decorations. This is his way of reconciling the number of gender role nonconforming female Christians in the middle ages, which was the high point of Catholic life. (I say "gender ROLE nonconforming" here because there's not even a lot of evidence that many of these women were particularly masculine; they may have just been ambitious or something.)

i think it's a testament to my growing self esteem that this even bothers me. When I was younger I would have been totally fine with that ("at least he's not calling me a bad person!" "at least I'm included"). Christian life is meant to be applicable to everyone, and God doesn't make people wrong. For the people wondering if this means we'll just allow everything and lose all our standards, no-- you can literally be hardline about what virtue and sin are. But making up fake sins that don't exist is nonsensical

#catholic stuff #literally every time another Christian (especially if they're a fellow Catholic) starts going off on what women “should be like” #I point at St Joan of Arc and go “there is very detailed and well-documented evidence to suggest God disagrees with you there." #God made you exactly how you are so as long as you're not committing to sinful behavior BE THE WAY HE MADE YOU #He doesn't just stick personality traits and skills onto people for no darn good reason

[nikibogwater]

I can feel my Fire Emblem: Three Houses hyperfixation clawing at my brain again like a hungry cat pls pray for me. 🙏

#niki rambles #fire emblem #fe:3h #oh boi it's that time of year already huh

[nikibogwater]

Has this happened to anyone else?

Back in March, when Neopets launched their new Neopass system, they were recommending everyone get one and migrate their accounts. So I did just that, but in the middle of my account migrating, I had a blip in internet connection, or something--anyways, I got stuck on a loading screen. And when I refreshed, my classic Neopets account wasn't migrated to my Neopass account, but when I went to try migrating it again, I got the "this account has already been migrated please log in via Neopass" message. But it's not attached to MY Neopass account.

I've sent in a couple of help tickets, but I can't seem to get anyone from the staff to look into this. I got the standard response for when your account has been hacked, and when I clarified that wasn't my issue, I didn't really get any further response (just a vague "Oh we sent the problem to our engineers, have fun playing Neopets!!"). I haven't been able to get into my Neopets account since the Neopass system launched, and I'm wondering if this was an issue that affected anyone else? I've had that account for almost 10 years, so I really want to get it back, or at least be told in no uncertain terms that it's gone for good instead of just being ghosted. But I'm worried I'm the only one who has experienced this, which means it's probably never going to get resolved because Lord knows TNT has way bigger things to take care of. 〒▽〒

#neopets #help

[nikibogwater]

Then you default to Gremlin Energy.

Women are selling online courses on how to "awaken your feminine Energy", while I have to wake Up at 5:30 am in the morning for Work 🤡

[nikibogwater]

Possibly the most incorrect name the random name generator has ever given me. Naturally, I'm gonna keep it.

#stardew valley #sdv #that's like the opposite of what it is

[nikibogwater]

Petition for churches to stop having tasteless bread for communion.

#i'm sorry i had to #it was the first thing that popped into my head

[nikibogwater]

LIZ, NO 🤣🤣🤣

Petition for churches to stop having tasteless bread for communion.

#catholic stuff #dammit liz why u gotta make me wheeze like that #prob'ly gonna get an extra year in Purgatory for finding that funny

[nikibogwater]

From what I understand, the reason churches that practice the Eucharist use tasteless, unleavened bread is because that's what the Hebrews would have eaten at Passover, and thus would have also been the kind of bread that Jesus consecrated during the Last Supper. The Catholic reading of the Passover described in Exodus is understood to be one of the most explicit instances of foreshadowing the Christ--the Lamb whose blood saved His people from eternal death. (I only say the Catholic reading because I know different Protestants interpret Scripture in different ways, but I'm not entirely familiar with which denomination believes what, so I have no clue if this understanding of the text is widely accepted outside of my own denomination. But I'd hazard a guess that Protestant churches that adhere to a more traditional order of the service do it for the same reason).

So yeah, keeping the Eucharistic Host as close to the traditional Passover meal makes a lot of sense from that perspective, even if it does mean the Sacrament is a bit less of an exciting experience lol.

Petition for churches to stop having tasteless bread for communion.

#yes I do know an unnerving amount of what Tumblr might call Christian Lore™ #blame it on my parents. my dad minored in theology and he and my mom both converted when I was very smol #so that meant I got a crash course on basic Church History at age 6 lol

[nikibogwater]

Do y’all want to hear the story of the most ridiculous church I’ve ever encountered?

Shoot

#as a Catholic I can confirm #it's not the Protestants #it's California

[nikibogwater]

”peace and love” WRONG!!! ZELINK ATTACK

#legend of zelda #art reblog #the only acceptable form of violence <3

[nikibogwater]

I gave birth to our first child last night and apparently the event was so traumatic that it caused Harvey to fuse with the kitchen cabinet.

#stardew valley #sdv harvey #honey get out of the woodwork you have a child to feed

[nikibogwater]

I left her alone for 13 seconds and she killed him.

Status update on The Beverly:

We had her for a 1-month trial period in January, during which she was practically an angel. Other than having a slightly gimpy leg and being incredibly vocal (the shelter said her genetic test showed she was part Husky, which explains why she wails like a banshee whenever she's excited), she was the perfect fit. So my parents signed the papers as soon as was permissible, and Beverly became an official member of the household in mid-February.

Beverly evidently knew the trial run was a success and there were no take-backs, because the first thing she did after everything was made official was steal an entire pizza off of the kitchen counter.

Mom caught her going for another one the following week, and scolded her. Beverly sank to the floor all apologetic and obedient. Mom looked away for 2 seconds, and when she looked back, Beverly had another pizza in her mouth. We put Beverly in time-out in the back yard (don't freak out, the weather was very nice and we only kept her doggy door locked for 20 minutes). Beverly cried piteously the entire time, and practically wept with relief when her sentence was complete and we let her back inside. She immediately went back for another go at the pizza.

Suddenly we understood why she had been returned to the shelter four times before we adopted her.

The other dog, Ratchet, took a little time to get used to her, but they're best friends now. Their favorite game is pretending to viscously murder each other. Even though she's bigger than him, Beverly always takes her turn lying on the ground and flailing dramatically while Ratchet "kills" her. Miraculously, this game has not resulted in any injuries for either of them.

One afternoon, my mom and my older brother took Ratchet to a vet appointment. Beverly threw a full-blown tantrum after they left, racing around the house, screaming, and belligerently ignoring my reassurances that 1. they would come back in a couple of hours and 2. they were not going anywhere that she would have fun. This went on for 20 minutes before she finally lay down on my lap to rest, though she continued to whine until they came home.

She still pitches a fit any time my brother goes somewhere without her.

Despite having a wealth of chew toys, she has been incrementally experimenting with just how much stuff she can sneak into the back yard and destroy. It started with socks (pretty normal behavior for a dog her age). Then shoes (again, normal). Then my brother's hoodie (slightly less normal). Then a glove. Then a pair of goggles. Then a pillowcase. Then a vacuum cleaner attachment. And this morning, an unopened jar of onion-pepper relish, which she managed to open and completely clean out. Fortunately, she's a big-ish dog, and the jar was small, so it wasn't enough to poison her. We still can't figure out why she took an UNOPENED JAR OF ONION-PEPPER RELISH off the kitchen counter or how she got it open.

[nikibogwater]

KING OF MONSTERS (1/2)

hey everybody, welcome to the first-ever Weird Biology two-part special! This week we are going to be examining an animal so UNBELIEVABLY FUCKING WEIRD that it’s going to take two entire posts just to cover the basic facts!

so get ready to put your hands in the air and flail in horror as I introduce you to that Supreme Sultan of Strange, that Tyrant of Existential Terror, the Once and Future King of Monsters: the one! the only!

FLAIL EVERYBODY, FLAIL

the Naked Mole Rat is a buck-naked rodent related to neither rats nor moles. they may be royalty, but just from looking it’s difficult to tell if they’re even a mammal or not. (yes, but just barely. really.) 

the Naked Mole Rat reigns in the Horn of Africa and is most closely related to Porcupines and Guinea Pigs (both of whom will deny this if you ask them). despite its lofty position in the pantheon of weird, it spends its entire life underground in lairs so hellish that they would give Hieronymus Bosch nightmares.

speaking of nightmares, I had a dream where one of them threatened to peel me once. make of that what you will.

the Naked Mole Rat lives in a complex of completely dark tunnels, where the oxygen content is so low that it would kill most mammals within minutes (including you). the tunnels are only wide enough that one Naked Mole Rat can squeeze through at a time, as they don’t seem to consider personal comfort a virtue. gee, I wonder why.

since the Naked Mole Rat lives in such inhospitable territory, they have developed a number of terrible, terrible, terrible adaptations to cope. if there ever was an animal that had evolved to survive Hell, this would be it.

survive Hell? nay, I shall RULE IT, as is my right.

these adaptations are what give them their true and rightful status as Weirdest of Weird and Strangest of Strange. ALL HAIL, KING OF MONSTERS.

Naked Mole Rats grow to be only about 4 inches long and weigh about 1.2 oz (which is still too much Naked Mole Rat, let’s be honest). this small size lets them wiggle around in claustrophobic close quarters with ease, where mere peons like rats and mice would struggle. the Naked Mole Rat’s loose disgusting prune skin also helps them to squeeze through traffic jams in the tunnels (because royalty does not observe right-of-way). it also helps that they literally cannot feel pain in their skin. I wish I was making this up. 

HAIL TO THE KING. HIS SKIN IS LOOSE AND HE HAS NO CAPACITY FOR FEAR OR PAIN.

technically Naked Mole Rats can see just fine, but they prefer to sprint around in the dark with their eyes shut because vision is for lesser creatures. (fun fact, they can sprint backwards as quickly as they can move forwards! wow! isn’t that a fun fact that you’ll never be able to forget no matter how hard you try!)

Naked Mole Rats use their teeth to dig new tunnels. (since the only remaining major ruling adaptation they lack is hands. be grateful.) like the rest of the Naked Mole Rat, this is way more fucked up then it sounds because those teeth are actually on the outside of their mouth, like tusks. as horrible as this fact is, it kind of makes sense because otherwise they would just be swallowing dirt all day. not even the Naked Mole Rat wants to be swallowing dirt all day. dirt is for peasants, like humans and dogs.

also each tooth is independently mobile, like a pair of chopsticks. there’s no real reason for this except to give you nightmares.

Naked Mole Rats are herbivores, feasting on tubers and the occasional researcher they find while digging. (perhaps all royalty should follow this method.) and they don’t eat very often, because their energy requirements are stupidly low. this is because the Naked Mole Rat stands alone above the rest of mammalkind as having a singularly special adaptation *DRUMROLL PLEASE*:

they’re cold blooded.

like all true Royals.

that’s right, the Naked Mole Rat may have more in common with reptiles than with other mammals. they don’t keep a stable body temperature, a trick that lets them have a far slower metabolism than they should.

this extremely slow metabolism lets them go long periods without eating and survive low-oxygen environments. it also gives the Naked Mole Rat the longest lifespan of any rodent. which is… *paper rustling* huh. 

30. FUCKING. YEARS.

(yeah, that definitely says years. jesus.)

the next time you see one of these, think about how it might be old enough to have college debt.

oh, and in addition to that freakishly long lifespan, they’re invulnerable to cancer and we don’t know why. it fucking figures.

must be good to be King.

(tune in next week when I’ll talk more about the family life of the Naked Mole Rat! it’s not easy being royalty, let me tell you.)

–

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee so I can avenge my family.

[nikibogwater]

KING OF MONSTERS (2/2)

welcome to part 2 of the first-ever Weird Biology 2-part special! we’re picking right back up where we left off with the NAKED MOLE RAT.

last week we got into what exactly makes each individual Naked Mole Rat so very very very strange, but now we’re going to take a step back and look at the bigger picture (whether you like it or not).

so keep your hands and arms fully inside the ride at all times while we get back into it with the Once and Forever King of Monsters!

aw look, he missed you.

the Naked Mole Rat stands head and weird wrinkly shoulders above the rest of bizarro animalkind- hail him, King of Monsters! no other animal has such a vast collection of weird traits. (I hope)

the Naked Mole Rat is one of only two known species of mammal to be eusocial. eusociality is when a species has a caste system, with each caste performing different duties. plenty of animals on earth do this, and you’re probably more familiar with them than you think! the weird part is that most of these animals are insects.

hang on, it’s about to be bees all the way down.

like bees, most Naked Mole Rats are sterile females. also like bees, Naked Mole Rats come in three main caste flavors: Workers, Soldiers, and The Queen. frankly I’m no longer convinced we’re dealing with a mammal at all, here. (also, I probably should have called this special “Queen of Monsters” but I already had my heart set on the title)

like bees, every member of the hive (you can call it a “colony” as much as you like, it’s a fucking hive) works together to ensure their continued success. this is no small deal, as a Naked Mole Rat hive can have anywhere from 20 to 300 members. 

just… try not to dwell on that. try really hard.

worker Naked Mole Rats are the most common caste by far (like bees). workers dig tunnels, care for the young, and find food. they’re a brave, hardworking caste who deserve better than to be crushed under the merciless metaphorical boot of the upper Naked Mole Rat classes. 

unfortunately, they’re still just naked tunnel-dwelling rodents and not capable of organizing, or reading a book. thus, they spend their lives toiling in the mud. (remember kids, ignorance is the enemy! knowledge will make us free!)

RISE UP, MY BRETHREN! CAST AWAY YOUR SHACKLES!

the next most common is the soldier caste. (again, like bees. I think we’re really onto something, here) soldiers protect the hive from outside threats, like snakes or invading Naked Mole Rats from other hives. when a threat gets into the tunnels, worker Naked Mole Rats raise the alarm by screeching in terror and fleeing in the opposite direction. this summons the soldier Naked Mole Rats, who immediately leap into action.

(horrible, horrible action)

once the threat has been located, the soldiers stack on top of each other into a huge awful wriggling pile. like a cheerleader pyramid, but with teeth. if for whatever reason this doesn’t intimidate the invader into screaming and running, the soldiers will attack by synchronizing their bites like a living chainsaw of inescapable wrinkly death.

most invaders just leave as soon as they see the soldiers coming.

yeah, I wouldn’t stick around for that either.

and finally, there is the Queen. she is the largest Naked Mole Rat in the hive,  and rules with a tiny wrinkled iron fist. like most upper management, she wanders the tunnels now and again to make sure things are up to code. if they aren’t, the Queen will find those responsible and PUNISH THEM. (Naked Mole Rats are real believers in discipline, you notice)

like bees, the Queen is the only fertile female in the hive. she spends most of her time having a completely ridiculous number of babies. like, up to 900 babies in her life. that’s ridiculous.

however, UNLIKE bees, the Queen is not elected via birthright. (Naked Mole Rats use a slightly more egalitarian process) see, any female in the hive has a shot at being in charge someday-

all she has to do is commit a little regicide first.

THE QUEEN IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE QUEEN.

absolutely unlike bees, the life of the Naked Mole Rat Queen is a never-ending Game of Thrones episode. she likely killed her predecessor to attain her title, and she spends the rest of her days fighting off challengers of her own.

(in between ruling with that tiny iron fist, of course)

after a new Queen has ascended, she grows to enormous (for a rodent) size and takes up to three mates. soon, she will start producing stupid huge numbers of babies, and the hive will thrive again. THE QUEEN IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE QUEEN.

FIRE AND BLOOD! FIRE AND BLOOD! FIRE AND BLOOD!

while your feelings on the Naked Mole Rat may be understandably mixed, we really have to hand it to them. they are the reigning monarchs of weird: a bizarre and wonderful mix of mammal, reptile and insect traits. they are true survivors, still thriving in the face of global change. if their tenacity and sheer survivability is any predictor, they will be around a long time yet.

LONG MAY THEY REIGN.

-

thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series here.

if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee so I can remember where I left my keys.

#couldn't not reblog

[nikibogwater]

Very important info for anyone with Hummingbird feeders!!!

#reblogging 'cause i love these little dudes #my mom puts out a feeder every year for them