nilshki

[nilshki]

Fuck it if I can't have us...

[nilshki]

Well this whole widow Eddie vibe whilst he’s missing from bucks coma takes on extra significance now!

[nilshki]

I'm thinking you're too cool to even remember My face, my hair, my eyes, my lips, and my name, hmm I say a lot, I'm loud 'cause maybe you're the one

[nilshki]

A few choice words can sometimes be the life raft that gets you home. To be seen... to be found. Isn't that what we're all searching for?

9-1-1 » 3x03 // 7x05

[nilshki]

i kissed a boy and he liked it it's better than i imagined don't mean i'm in love tonight

[nilshki]

Eddie Diaz | S3E1

[nilshki]

#surejan

[nilshki]

I feel like we're slipping into the realms of discussing Oliver's sexuality, so I just wanna say: please do NOT even go there.

[nilshki]

I love how this show said "okay we are going to give you a pretty guy with a six pack, but in exchange, we're going to make him the biggest romantic disaster out of all the guys we've had in his position on the show." And so balance was maintained in the world.

[nilshki]

i’ve seen people say “oh, buck is canonically bi now which means all the past buddie moments are now canonically queer” and just. yeah. they are. and they were supposed to be. not just because buck is out now which means he was subconsciously flirting with eddie in all of their scenes but because he was written as queer even back then. when oliver stark said “buck has always been a bisexual man” he didn’t just mean the character within the context of the 911 universe. buck has always been a bisexual man within the text and the script and the scenes and the acting choices. this was always where he would end up, this is where they’ve been trying to take him for years. what the FUCK.

[nilshki]

911 // Buffy the Vampire Slayer

(+ bonus) being left alone with their grief

[nilshki]

The idea of losing someone you love… you can't imagine what it would be like. ⤷ 9-1-1 promos for 4x14

[nilshki]

9-1-1 ‣ Buck in 01x01 "Pilot"

[nilshki]

Come with me to my sister’s wedding

[nilshki]

Eddie's sitting closer to Buck than he's allowed himself since Buck came out - since Buck started dating Tommy. But Buck isn't dating Tommy anymore and Eddie came out to Buck fifteen minutes ago and now they're having conversation so intense that Eddie thinks he might need to go to an emergency therapy session after they're done. So Eddie's sitting closer to Buck than he's allowed himself to in over a month, but it feels too close and not close enough at the same time.

"What am I supposed to say Buck? That I lied when you asked me what I remembered about getting shot? That if I told you what I remembered you'd never be able to look at me the same way?"

"Eddie -" Buck starts, but Eddie cuts him off before he can say more.

"You want to know what I remember about that day? I got shot in the middle of the street on a sunny fucking morning in L.A. and as I was laying on the ground bleeding out I reached for you. I thought I was dying and all I wanted was to touch you one last time. Do you want me to tell you that I was bleeding out and all I could think was that I never told you how much I love you? Because it's true, it's true."

"W-why didn't you tell me after?" Buck sounds as broken as Eddie feels.

"I thought I did," Eddie says and he reaches over the empty space between them but doesn't close the gap. It's only a foot, maybe less, but it feels as wide of a gap as it had felt like while he was bleeding onto the pavement. "I gave you my son Buck. I gave you my heart."

The "oh" that leaves Buck's mouth sounds like a revelation and an accusation all at once. It sounds like 'you didn't tell me' and 'I didn't realize' and 'I wish I'd known sooner'.

But then Buck does close the gap between their hands, just like he had all those years ago while Eddie had lay dying on the street, saved by the same hands that cover Eddie's now. His blood forced to stay in his body with the same fingers that slot through Eddie's now.

Eddie lets out a breath he hadn't realize he was holding and his next inhale feels better than his first breath after leaving that well. It feels like breathing for the first time.

"I'm still in love with you," Eddie tells him, because it's the only thing unsaid between them. It's the only thing left to say.

"Yeah?" Buck's eyes are wet and Eddie realizes his are too.

"Yeah."

"Me too - I-I love you too. I think I have for a really long time actually. I just didn't - didn't realize what that feeling was."

[nilshki]

Hey, remember when these stills dropped and everyone was speculating that Buck and Eddie were having some kind of argument or tense conversation? and then it turns out Buck is just dropping a sea monkey metaphor?

[nilshki]

something even more vile about fox's intentional stifling and repression of buddie and of buck's queer storyline is that they already had queer characters. they had hen and karen and michael and david and i just think it's telling that they cared about a character's queerness only when it was a white man