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As another person with the 136 tritype, cross things off the list which has been inevitably building up while I’m distracted. Get into other arts I’ve been ignoring (like doing some sketching based on prompts after writing a lot.) Send out “feelers” to anyone who makes my brain go “ooh” when I think about them, and brainstorm quirky ways to spend time together now that I probably have more planning capacity than they do. I also almost always have a media backlog of longer things like movies/video games which I feel like I don’t have enough time to start without significant amounts of downtime.

Thinking about the future and what changes I’d like to see. Taking immediate steps toward that (like asking my friends if they’d be down for a Disneyland trip in x months.) I do make a good vacation person because there’s the 6-ish planning and the 1-7 “onto the next” drive and the general 7-ish wonder at stuff around me. Plus I much prefer doing things with people than on my own (high Fe + extrovert.)

But lack of structure for too long is quite demoralizing. I try to avoid it.

(Also 136 isn’t the anti-gaming tritype, lol. I really like games even though I don’t play them too often these days. The biggest gamer I know in my life is a 713, though to be fair he’s in the midst of writing a novel-length thesis on them and used to be nationally ranked in a competitive fighting game. So perhaps productivity is part of it for him.)

I finished my third re-write of my current novel (… it would go so much faster if I didn’t make twelve false starts every time because I have too many potential ideas, thanks Ne-dom brain), which means I don’t have much to “do” today. It’s the week after my heaviest work week, so I’ll be home. And there are little things to do, but… it’s on days like this when my sp/so 613 really becomes apparent. Down time is boring to me – I need projects, goals, something to work toward; a day after finishing a huge rewrite should be enough to launch back into the final edit, right???

What do normal non-136 people DO on their days off? (I usually clean house, write character profiles, stock up the queue, answer asks, write reviews, clean out my computer, get bored, get annoyed that none of my friends are online to chat, and then get angst-full.) I’ve been binge-watching New Amsterdam on Netflix after work, but if I watched that all day long, I’d feel like I was “wasting time.” I am jittery and impatient for the next step in my process, but also aware of being emotionally and mentally exhausted and needing to rest. Mentally, I know I need to take time away from my manuscript and return to it with fresh eyes, but I find that hard to do.

It reminds me of when I had my wisdom teeth out a couple of years ago, and my face swelled up like a chipmunk and I was in terrible pain, and I was pissed off because I had wanted to paint my bedroom while being on painkillers (because I knew I wouldn’t be able to write/think coherently, I scheduled something else “productive” to do that didn’t require concentration) – so I doped myself up and did it anyway as soon as I could move my head without pain. I just have so much “driven” energy that I don’t make a good “vacation” person. It’s fun for about four hours, and then I kick back into “well, what can I get done???” mode.

There’s something lousy about every tritype, and I’m only now fully realizing how driven mine is, and how it keeps me constantly productive and “on edge.” How hard it makes it for me to just … chill. Or even to put effort into things that don’t seem worthwhile. If it doesn’t work or succeed or generate interest, why do it?

#repsonse

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Not sure if the questions at the end were rhetorical, but I can elaborate more if you want.

Yeah I feel like I’m struggling a bit with the idea of having “natural Fe gifts” at the moment, because I feel ready to dive straight into what I want (which is a job in social services and to live close to the people I love,) but I’m at a school where I’m socially very fulfilled but intellectually being pushed to put tons of effort into things I don’t care about very much. And my lack of passion makes me feel like my teachers are indifferent toward/frustrated with me, which further makes me want to disengage (bc as an attachment type and feeler that’s a really scary thing I try to distance myself from. That’s also why if I feel any sort of “grating” with a new person, where I might annoy them or vice-versa, I tend to just write them off and not pursue closeness with them.) But I’m graduating in 6 months, so I know this frustration will come to an end, soon. (Not to mention since I haven’t entered the work force yet I’m a bit terrified that I’ll change my mind about what I love and all the time in college preparing for that path will have been for nothing.)

As for him (I’ll give him the name “Andy” for clarity)... I could see introversion. But he doesn’t have superego needs for himself. He doesn’t feel driven to get every little detail right for its own sake and my competency-stacking habits (631) are something he’ll often notice and playfully joke about. He’s fine cutting corners if that’s what it takes to get results, and he says internally doesn’t feel “obligated” to do anything, which is why when he does find something he cares about, he tries to be a better person I guess? I don’t understand him super well, but that’s my impression.

As for ENTJ over INTJ, I feel I can compare Andy to my ITJ dad. My dad has always seemed quite aware of his values and capable of explaining them, and generally less interested in diving into activities spontaneously. Andy has had moments of spontaneity which led to him getting in trouble, and views himself as overall flexible and enjoys improvising. He seems to really like being in group environments where they can talk about shared interests or work on projects together, but isn’t the best at seeking those out or not coming across as overly domineering (I think he’s also social-blind.) And his values can be very black-and-white when I talk to him about them, like “this is WRONG, no I can’t say exactly why but this is not something that should happen.” Like, when I talked to my dad about considering a piercing, he was like “hmm... I don’t think it’d suit you physically; also it’s associated with lower status so I think you should consider how it’ll come across in your field. But you can make your own decisions.” While Andy as like “that doesn’t suit the kind of person you are” without really being able to elaborate why? 

I’ve also perceived Andy as feeling-last at times, moreso than sensing last, because he seems to always be putting aside what he “wants” (like friendships/relationships) for the next achievement on the table. He sort of fills the “wants” thing with sensory extravagance (clothes/food,) and feels that once he gets stability/prestige, all the personal satisfaction will fall into place. (I think maybe he’s been trying to avoid that lately, which is why he was talking about trying to reach out more to people he cares about.)

(Side note: I did decide I don’t want a conch piercing right now. It’s more that I want more options for jewelry there because the clip-ons I have make me feel beautiful, but I don’t want to commit to the same stud there for several months, or constantly switch out the piercing to match my outfit. But... sigh... the aesthetic.)

I (ESFJ, 6w7) was having a conversation with a friend (ENTJ, 8w9) about motivations to stay in touch with people:

Him: It’s good you feel the drive to stay in touch with people after graduation. It means you care about them.

Me: I mean, is it really caring about them if it’s driven out of a selfish fear of loneliness?

Him: I think so. I’m the opposite of you - I can be by myself for a long time and not be bothered by it. I want to change that.

Me: If it doesn’t bother you what motivates you to want to reach out more? Do you feel like it’ll eventually start bothering you? Is it like, a sense of the kind of person you want to be?

Him: I think it’s a good thing to do.

Me: Oh. I’m not sure why you’d value something if you didn’t feel emotional passion about it. Sorry, I don’t want to sound like I’m challenging you or anything. I’m just trying to figure out how this works.

Him: That’s ok, I like being challenged.

Me: But you reached out to hang out with me today. And if you stopped I don’t think I’d think you’re a bad person—I’d assume you were busy and have other things come up.

Him: Fair enough. But it’s less what others would think of me and more the kind of person I want to be.

I’ve realized that a lot of my motivations are heavily reliant on emotional drives, which is partly why I’ve had trouble considering jobs/careers/personal interactions I don’t care about. I need some inherent interest/excitement to do a good job at something without feeling exhausted. Essentially, I feel like emotions are a driver of most of my motivations, but that’s not the case for him. What might motivate someone beyond what seems to make them stably happy and connected in the long-term? That feels just so deeply important to me I’m not sure how I could prioritize anything else.

His responses are really heavily showing his Fi – it’s not about the external world or what others think, it’s about the kind of person *I* I want to be. Fi is all about me, my journey, what I think of myself, what I need to do to make me like myself, what I think would be better for myself. That’s the nature of Fi, what others think about “me” doesn’t matter as much as what I think about myself.

You phrase it as “emotional passion” and a need, but for him, it’s an inner drive of “I need to do this for me, I want to like myself, and this would make me like myself more.”

That aside… what’s wrong with you being an emotional person with emotional drives? That’s how Fe-doms are wired. It’s who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be emotionally involved, to stay connected to other people, or to crave and need a career that has to do with either people or something you feel passionate about. You can’t force yourself to do a career that you have no interest in; it won’t work, you will hate it, you won’t do your best, and you will be wasting your natural Fe gifts. It’s normal to feel energized by doing what you love and it’s important to seek a career that allows you either to do what you love, or allows you to be around other people, which will keep you energized.

No, emotions do not motivate him. His are low in his stack. It’s important for him to do what he feels is RIGHT for him, and that’s how his Fi works. He no doubt also wants to feel passionate about his job and career and life, but it won’t seem as “loud” or as “demanding” to you as yours, because it’s not being expressed in a highly animated, emotional way. It doesn’t mean his feelings are any less, they are just different. And you don’t have to prioritize anything but your feelings. That’s how you are made.

What makes you think he’s an extrovert? or an 8? And not a 1w9? From what he said, he sounds like a withdrawn-idealistic introvert who is seeking to perfect himself…

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Very intuitive choice haha

Here’s wishing everyone a magnificent 2023

Happy New year 💐🎉🎈

May this be a blissful year for you!

Thanks!

I contemplated what resolution to set, and chose two words instead -- Take Action. I will try to live by them and see what happens.

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I, non-sequitura, person with lungs

I feel odd looking at peoples social media profiles and seeing how many of them have niche political or cultural groups they’re part of (e.g. transhumanist, anarcho-communist, polyamorous.) I’m like, even if I wanted to broadcast the most controversial parts of me, I’m not sure what I’d put? Am I just the most agreeable person on the planet (or do I have a brain which makes me focus on agreeing with everyone else?)

I guess I could post about my niche interests in enneagram/MBTI but then I’d just end up turning my feeds into r/MBTI, and I don’t want that. Or say I’m “somewhat left of center,” but that indicates nothing to anyone except trolls. Bisexual Christian? There’s plenty of those.

#12/20/2022 #December 2022 #2022 #blog #non sequitura blog #non-sequitura #Silliness #medium

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Never too late to start having friends.

#12/19/2022 #december 2022 #2020 #blog #non-sequitura-blog #Non-sequitura #short #seriousness

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Arial

I’ve been feeling a weird kinship with Arial from “The Little Mermaid” lately. Never cared much for her growing up for three (shallow) main reasons:

1. She was dressed in a more revealing outfit

2. She was bubbly/outgoing and I didn’t relate to that

3. She had an unnatural hair color

But even once I overcame my (inherent? taught?) dislike for female characters in scant clothing, I was never a big princess person. They felt too optimistic to be aspirational. I liked Aurora the most, because she seemed more dreamy and reserved (visually the Gothic style of the film is still one of my favorites.) And Belle was alright, but felt too “not like other girls” to me. Perhaps other girls in my school being obsessed with the holy nerdette trinity—Belle, Hermione, and Annabeth Chase—also contributed.

But Arial has resonated with me lately. I think it’s because the problems she’s facing feel “real” and personal. Arial’s father destroys her things in a rage when facing the prospect of her falling in love with a human. What teenager wouldn’t be tempted by a highly successful manipulator in that situation?

And then I think about that line, “Daddy, I love him!” Pretty simple, but summarizes where a lot of the conflict in my life comes from at the moment. How can you want to stay with someone and remain an independent person living for your own goals? The nature of compromise makes it impossible. And then it’s you against a world still captured by bias, fear, and disgust. Blending in, and emotional awareness, have always been some of my better skills—I feel unequipped to be in a relationship which compromises any of my adaptability in polite society.

#12/16/2022 #december 2022 #2022 #blog #non-sequitura-blog #Non-sequitura #medium #silliness #disney

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Hufflepuff vs. Slytherin secondaries

Hufflepuff: I’m home! Here’s some random stuff I was offered from my friends.

Slytherin: I’m home! Here’s some random stuff I found on the street.

#non-sequitura-blog #Non-sequitura #december 2022 #12/16/22 #silliness #note

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I think it can also be an attachment thing. Many hexads I’ve met can be kind of “self-defeating” in over-identifying with their flaws, potentially as a frustration mechanism (seeing problems as insurmountable or finding new ones) or rejection mechanism (take it or leave it.) Whereas 3s, 6s, and 9s want to be able to be/do anything. A common thing I’ve heard from hexads I tell about the Enneagram has been “yep, that’s me” whereas a common thing I hear from attachments is “well in some ways that’s right, but I’m not ALWAYS...”

avoiding 6-ness

I used to think 6s would accurately peg themselves pretty fast, simply because I read one Enneagram book and I knew I was a 6. The minute I read 6s want security, I said, “YES.” That had been my entire life’s purpose up until then (and it still is, to be “safe”).

But the more time I spend in the Enneagram community, the more I see the incredible resistance 6s have to owning their type—maybe more so than any other type. This includes various Enneagram teachers who are mistyped (core 6s who think they are 1s and 2s or even 4s). I can’t decide if its’ because 6s get the most hate, or if their ego structure adamantly refuses to admit that the thinking, rethinking, ping-ponging, focusing on what doesn’t fit, deferring to others or authorities, etc, is 6-ness. Being 6s, they probably over-fixate on the “cowardly” aspect of 6, or feel angry or insulted at the idea that they are “thinking repressed” (that sure pissed me off, but then I dug into it and realized it’s true, I think all the time, I just am not SOLVING THE PROBLEM—but that’s something I can fix), or they don’t want to dig into the anguish of owning the label the 6 brings. And I get it, but it also baffles me to see them doing mental flips to explain to themselves and others why they are 1s, 2s, 3s, 4s, 5s, 7s, 8s, or 9s, ANYTHING but 6. I have to think it’s tied to their line to 3, that no 6 regardless of their heart fix wants to identify with “cowardice.” And in that way, it’s unfortunate that 6 is identified with fear. It’s absolutely true, but many 6s don’t seem able to recognize that their frantic thinking, strategizing, and busy mind is all to avoid their own deep-seated insecurities and anxieties. Out of all the types, 9s and 6s have the most trouble finding their type… but it doesn’t feel like 9s care as much what other people think about 9s as 6s care what other people think about 6s. What the 6 doesn’t realize is that their aversion to the 6 is actually their super-ego reacting to being struck to the core; they run away from it, because it’s easier to disown it and identify with something that doesn’t wound them as deeply, not realizing that an actual person of that type would have the same “disgusted” reaction to reading about their core type.

People who “want to be” certain types… aren’t. They are the type they least want to be, because that’s the only one taking a meat cleaver to their tender soul. That’s the point. Once you are willing to see your raw motivations, you can start to free yourself from the box you have locked yourself in all these years. And that’s another thing, it’s the 6s who most adamantly insist nothing fits them, that boxes do not matter, that you can’t explain people with theoretical systems, that nothing is ever quite accurate enough… because that is their 6-ness, rearing its head and reacting against perceived authority. 6s don't want to be pinned down and will argue and question and challenge and come up with excuses and squirm every which way to avoid it -- until it sinks into them that doing that is what makes them 6s. And then there's no choice but to accept the truth.

#reblog #12/22/2022 #december 2022 #2022 #enneagram

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I must admit I’m seeing Charity’s sp/so-ness in her response to this, because as another social 6, when people ask me “why are you so afraid of this? Are you afraid of being alone?”, it’s like “DUH”. Being alone is like death. I had no close in-person friends for two years over COVID and that was the second worst period of my life. Maybe it’s possible for so-doms to eventually become more balanced and be able to handle periods of greater alone time, but I suspect that being cut off from people we deeply care about is truly one of the worst case scenarios for us. Like I would choose severe illness, bad grades, being fired, or losing all my close personal possessions (phone, IDs, wallet) over long-term loneliness; I’ve had all those things happen and know what I prefer (sorry to be dramatic).

I knew some so-blinds who said they spent months indoors/not talking to anyone, being productive over COVID. It undoubtably affected them psychologically - they were more nihilistic and their social skills/circles worsened - but they didn’t seem to be in active emotional agony much at all. (One is an ENFP 7 sp/sx, though to be fair he lived next to his girlfriend at the time, and one is an ENTJ 8 sp/sx).

But have heart, because in my experience, so-dom leads to a pretty strong “filter” where you don’t tend to just grow apart from people because of differing expectations and needs. Your friends likely are aware of how much you value and care for them, and that’s not easy to find. So assuming you continue to make an effort to remain connected, most people will welcome it.

Hi, Charity! I have a question. If I am super loyal to my friends, if I am very attached to the relationships that I have formed and I don't want to move on from them or create new bonds, but I want to strengthen the already existing ones, if my group of friends is very small (like, we're 3 people total), but that's fine with me because it doesn't matter the quantity, but the quality and if you have fewer friends then you have more time to maintain relationships with them without neglecting the others, if I am super anxious of people deserting me or "moving on" from our relationship (I honestly don't understand how you can just "move on" from a relationship. Does that mean the relationship meant nothing to you? That other plans are more important than a bond between us? Why wouldn't you even try to fight for what we've got? How can you even live after you've lost someone who was supposed to be a loved one to you? I know I couldn't. It'd probably be really hard for me to move on from losing a relationship with someone that I've loved dearly, platonically or romantically), if I want to spend the rest of my life attached to the people dear to me and not 'move on' from old relationships, but make them last forever, if I would do anything for my loved ones, and I mean anything, if I always want to be there for my family and friends, and not let them down, then does this indicate that I'm a 2 or a 6?

I see more social 6 in this than anything, because you're afraid of loss and separation. But you would need to ask why you're afraid of being abandoned and why you want to maintain your friendships. Is it fear of being alone?

Social 2s have an agenda they bring to the table -- they a rejection type who doesn't admit to their own needs, but takes pride in being what YOU need. Their attachment is from a place of control, because they possess something that you will benefit from. This is why they can seem mothering sometimes -- their assumption is that unless they bring 2-ness (positivity, cheer leading, leadership, generosity, etc), they won't be loved. 2s don't know how to be present in a relationship without helping or being desired, and if they are not desired, either they will win you over or they will walk away and somewhere that needs them more. 2s have a line to 8 in their back pocket; they can be aggressive in getting what they want.

Some of this is also 9ish. 9s absolutely loathe any kind of upset or loss because to them it feels abrupt and awful. 9s hold onto people hard and sometimes get shattered when that person just up and leaves, because here is an unpleasant disruption come to ruin their life!

Being attached to very few people and not wanting more seems like potential introversion as well.

I honestly don't understand how you can just "move on" from a relationship. Does that mean the relationship meant nothing to you? That other plans are more important than a bond between us? Why wouldn't you even try to fight for what we've got?

Feelings change. That's how people move on. People have individual experiences as friends that cause them to grow apart, or make decisions that take them away from you (they get married, they move across the country for a job, they give up one hobby and get another one). Humans are social creatures who bond with and befriend others in their environment as an unconscious survival technique. A few friendships are for life, but those are special cases -- more often than not, a relationship is for a season before it wanes. Growing apart does not mean it was not magnificent or that it wasn't emotionally fulfilling; it just means time alters everything. There's also the fact that humans are different from another -- and what is life-giving to you (your social instinct's desperate need for closeness) is not always seen as super important by someone else (who treats social as casual). It's okay. It's good for you to be loyal, but you won't be able to hold onto everyone forever. And that's okay too.

#Reblog #12/1/22 #2022 #december 2022

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Hi OP! I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I was talking with someone about flings lately, and they said something which stuck with me: 

Me: How do you make [x] less emotionally exhausting?

Them: Invest fewer emotions in it.

Some people know how to invest fewer emotions into things (find other outlets for fun/fulfillment, seek out flaws in a person, simply “stop caring”), but it doesn’t work with every scenario. Particularly if you start caring about someone you’re hooking up with, every time you see them or interact with them physically is another opportunity for your emotions to respond. Clearly you have investment in this person—that doesn’t necessarily mean it would be a good idea to date them, but it’s worth considering whether it’s worth taking steps to “calm” your feelings through distance (no longer hooking up, having some time apart, or perhaps asking out someone else) or through further commitment.

I’m with a 7w6 right now :) she probably wouldn’t have made a move on her own because actions involving commitment don’t tend to occur to her. But I’m very oriented toward permanence as a 6 with high Si. When I asked her out, it only took her a day or so to decide it was something she wanted. If this person asked you out, would you want that?

Charity, lately I’ve been very anxious and having paranoid thoughts that aren’t helping either. I have this fling with one particular person we hang out we see each at work we’re always texting one another. Not sure if I like them like that but I think I do?

Maybe you need to sit with those feelings and figure out what you feel, because "having a fling" in which one person thinks this is sex without commitment or emotional involvement, and the other one starts having feelings, is going to get messy and hurtful very quickly. It's also risky to have a sexual affair with a coworker, because if/when the relationship ends, it spills over into the work environment -- making it uncomfortable for both parties and everyone has to work with them, especially if it doesn't end well.

So lately they’ve been hanging with their guy best friend that they use to hang out with before they got this new job; before they would tell me to hang out and then make some excuse and I confronted him about it because I was left alone and starting thinking of the worst and he told me he fell asleep at his best friend house at like 12 AM so I thought that was weird and I felt so anxious my stomach was hurting and I remember people saying your gut feeling doesn’t lie but whenever I do get paranoid my stomach starts to twist so I just been thinking maybe this gut feeling after thinking the worst is right?

Being in a "casual fling" with someone doesn't entitle you to all their time or require they stop seeing other people or spending time with them; it doesn't even mean he can only sleep with you. You are treating this like an exclusive relationship rather than a casual fling -- is that what you agreed on when you started this sexual relationship? Did you establish any "rules" or conditions about the relationship up front?

From our previous interactions, this seems to happen over and over again with you (where you leap into a sexual relationship someone and start second-guessing it and their intentions). It does not seem to make you happy, so maybe it's time to consider whether this is what you want or not. Is sex without attachments/ownership/the trust that comes from being exclusive partners something you can do? Up until now, the answer seems to be no. What this suggests is that maybe you want an actual relationship that is exclusive and committed and comes with an understanding on both parts that this is about more than just physical relationships -- it's also about having feelings for each other and being committed. Being a 7, I know that commitment scares you -- but your heady avoidance of it seems to be in direct conflict with what your body/heart is telling you, which is to get anxious about being cheated on (saying this is a "no go" for me -- I need something I can trust!).

Since almost all of your asks revolve around the same thing (not knowing how you feel about someone, despite being sexually involved with them; becoming jealous when they get attached to other people, and fiercely trying to win them over if they drift away from you), I would say that love/sex is a big deal for you. A lot bigger of a deal than you might admit, as an ENTP. So you need to stop looking at it as a physical outlet, and think about it in more emotional terms -- about being in love, being committed, being in a real relationship where you only sleep with each other and can trust each other, because you seem to need that. To do this, you will need to learn to prioritize this as a need, and use it to filter out relationships that are just going to stress you out and make you fearful. Look for a partner who wants more from you than sex; who wants to be in a real relationship where support, feelings, and bonding is involved.

You keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. As a 7, you aren't slowing down and thinking about what any of this means or says about you, but unless you do, you can't learn from your mistakes. You have to admit they ARE mistakes and problems in the first place, before you can even begin to address them and stop creating scenarios in which you are constantly full of angst.

It happened again after he shaved and decided to go to his best friend house and I just kept questioning him and not really believing a word but I also keep thinking why am I acting so paranoid out of no where why do I feel so weird if we’re not even dating?

You're treating him like a boyfriend/husband, because you don't know how NOT to be emotionally involved. That's the thing about sex. For most people, it creates emotional attachments. Those that can do it without feelings being involved are very few.

You are also insecure about yourself, thus you can't trust your partner. You are sx6ishly becoming doubtful, suspicious, and paranoid as you attempt to push them away (seeing them as untrustworthy and dangerous) while attaching to them hard.

Let's put it this way. If you didn't care about this, you wouldn't care about him potentially sleeping with someone else. The fact that you are getting upset means you care. This is your feelings and your body telling you what you feel, ENTP. No matter how much you intellectualize it through your mind, your body doesn't lie.

trying to calm myself down every time and rationalize that I shouldn’t even be upset because we’re not a thing but just a fling even though we told each other we liked one another.

Why are you just a fling? Why did you decide to HAVE a fling? What would happen if you told him, "I don't want this to just BE a fling, I have feelings for you and I want to try at a real relationship?"

He’s a 9 and I’m a 7 so he tells me I think too much and stop worrying because he’s not seeing any one but I’m so confused.

Why don't you trust him? What are you really afraid of, deep down? These are questions to ask yourself, to sit with, to allow whatever comes up for you to fill your mind, and to let them linger instead of panicking or rushing through them. Slow down. Breathe. Think. Feel. 7s are out of touch with their emotions. Reach into yours.

WHY are you insecure about this?

I’m trying really hard to not be so paranoid and change the mood to make it fun like a fling should be and not have him think I’m freaking crazy

Why does it have to be all fun, 7w6? Why can't you allow him to see both sides of you, the fun side and the fearful side? (News flash: he DOES see the fearful side. You are showing that to him a lot. And obviously it doesn't bother or scare him.) But you do need to get a handle on being possessive, if in fact you are having a "fling." Sexual 6s can be toxic in their distrust of their partner, their desperation to keep hold of them, and in how aggressively they react against anyone who might be trying to steal their person. So you have to admit that this is fearful aggression and ... learn to let it go.

although I do address it I don’t want him to think I’m always coming up with the worst scenarios but I think too much I constantly compare it to my past where I believed a guy liked me just to find out I was used for sex.

Again, I will ask you -- what's the point of a fling? Two people using each other for sex. Isn't this what you agreed to when you decided it was a fling? It's terrible to be used for sex, but maybe you keep entering into "casual" relationships because you don't want to get hurt again... and facilitating emotional situations where you are being hurt again, because you won't allow yourself to trust others. Is this something you can work on? Does being able to trust your sexual partner (and life partner) seem important? Is that what you want? Is it possible this is a discussion you need to have with him, so that he understands why you are so fearful about his friends, instead of trying to repress it and pretend nothing is wrong?

I still don’t even know if I truly like him.

And yet, you are obsessed with how he might be cheating on you. If you didn't care about this connection, you wouldn't react to that.

When I’m with him I feel nothing; when I’m gone I feel nothing all I think about is sex and pleasing him.

It's nice that you want to please him, but ENTPs fall into a trap of not wanting to be rejected and so, over-adapting to the other person, instead of slowing down to assess their true feelings. I can't tell you what they are, because I don't know, but I can tell you that you need to think about what you would feel if you never saw him again, after tomorrow. What did your body just do? Tense up? Or relax? Your body doesn't lie. How much do you look forward to seeing him? To talking to him? To being around him, when sex ISN'T part of the picture?

He tells me he likes me and I say it back so I have no clue. I think I don’t want him to leave me and to actually have the feeling of being wanted. But if I’m being paranoid and scared wouldn’t that mean my feelings got involved? How do I stop thinking about the worst how I do know it’s not the truth and why should I even care?

Yes, it means your feelings are involved. Mostly fear.

I think it's time to have a talk with him and be honest. If he does not want a committed relationship, at least you will know not to waste your time on him. And if he does, you will have a chance with him.

#reblog #november 2022 #2022 #11/28/2022

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I know an sp/sx 713 who I mistook for a 5 at first, @mistigirl​ feel free to ask about them if you want

Hello, Charity. May I ask what is your experience with healthy, developed 7s irl? 7s who are mature, focused and 5-ish?

I've never known one who has grown toward 5 a huge amount, to be honest. 5s have myopic interests and 7s scatter their focus over a bunch of different things. 5s can spend twenty years studying one thing and 7s can't finish stuff. But once a 7 is aware of being a 7, of chasing endlessly after things, of always thinking something better is around the corner (as in, I don't have it now, but I can get it!), then they tend to slow down, settle down more, and start thinking through their decisions more carefully, like a 5. They are still optimistic, re-framing (this was a learning experience, not a failure!), energetic, and enthusiastic about chasing after all life has to offer.

#reblog

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I agree with this!

It can be hard to figure out people’s Enneagram types from first impressions—some people are pretty consistent all the way through with their behaviors and motivations, but most aren’t.

On withdrawing meaning “withdraw and solve problems by myself”—I live with two 9s. Lately I’ve noticed one of them has been a lot busier and sort of has a dark cloud over her all the time. It wouldn’t occur to her to reach out and ask someone to do stuff for her (this is also the result of her 1 wing, in that “what if they do it the WRONG way? Then I’d have to rebuild it from scratch.”) She only tends to reach out at the point where everything truly is falling apart, or sometimes if she’s doing well (because she moves into 3.)

In contrast, when I was having a bad few weeks, I sat my roommates down and said “I’m having a hard time these days with xyz, what do you think I should do about that?” (Checking with those I trust for feedback on problems.)

Those are just behaviors, and there are probably 6s who wouldn’t often reach out to others for feedback and 9s who would. But if you know people who handle problems differently, that can help illustrate type differences.

hey Charity! i’ve got a few things on my mind about some of the enneagram triads i was thinking about earlier:

1. withdrawn, assertive, superego: i tend to picture withdrawn types as being literally withdrawn (reserved, shy, quiet) due to some of the triad descriptions so when i come across a bubbly soc 9 for instance i’ll sometimes mistake them for a 2. and superego types are described as very responsible, organized, orderly.. which may be the case if they’re 1s but i was reading enneatype structure recently and naranjo seemed to view type 2s as quite undisciplined and a bit hedonistic, he likened them to 7s at one point. how can you generally tell if someone is withdrawn if they’re outgoing and friendly or superego if they’re disorganized and careless? or assertive types who are on the quieter and more reserved side (like ISP 7s for instance who may have lower energy for continuous external stimulation due to being introverts)

2. gut/heart: can’t strong emotions produce a physical sensation that can feel like a gut instinct? how can you discern if you’re acting from your gut or off of emotions? or is heart triad less about acting off emotions and more about acting with an image in mind and therefore more calculated than acting purely off emotions?

3. rejection/frustration: what’s the difference between rejecting needs and being frustrated needs aren’t met? in both cases, you’re feeling that the needs arent met (vs an attachment type who i believe? feels their needs are met and is therefore attaching to what they feel is meeting them) so it it really just a matter of rejection types deciding not to care about the needs not being met/deciding they don’t need them anyway vs frustration types not wanting to accept that and being upset about it?

by the way, unrelated but i really enjoyed the new style you tried out the other day comparing and contrasting the two characters! seeing how characters can potentially make the same choices for totally different reasons (or clash due to different priorities and perceptions) is helpful and interesting :)

Focus less on behavior and more on looking beyond that behavior to see what is motivating it. Withdrawn means “I move away from you to solve my own problems and don’t rely on you.” It can mean they are shy and wait to be approached (in introverts) but it also means “I shut you out to get my needs met… by myself!” You can have a socially outgoing 9 who is still going to shut down and push people away when something bad happens in their life, because they trust themselves to deal with it and it doesn’t occur to them to involve you. Super-ego has a mentality of “should.” They have moral judgments about other people and how they are behaving, what the right thing is to do, how they ought to live, etc. They also over-think all the time in their respective centers (2s, about relationships; 6s, about everything; 1s, about being perfect.) Assertive types can be introverted, but it’s still “I will get my way. You will get out of my way.”  Identify the behavior, and then ask yourself why they are doing this—to avoid pain, to reach a goal, to avoid being vulnerable, etc? Is this 2 prideful in that she is the center of everyone’s world and necessary to their well-being (“you need me to show you how to be successful and popular!”) or is she a 7 who just wants to avoid pain?

Yes, some people make emotional decisions. If torn between gut and emotions… ask yourself if there’s anger involved. If not, they are not a gut type. Gut types are driven by anger; anger is their foremost emotion and what springs them into action. They are mad, all the time. Even the sweet little 9s who say they aren’t mad are still upset at being taken advantage of by the world, because they refuse to take up space in it. And yes, image types do focus a great deal on managing how you perceive them.

I see rejection vs. frustration as this – rejection types ‘reject’ their own vulnerability in order to believe something about themselves; the 5 doesn’t need you, they are fully independent; the 2 doesn’t need other people (but they need me, or their lives would fall apart!); the 8 doesn’t need to be vulnerable (I cover it up with toughness and warn other people not to be soft). They assume their needs won’t be met by others and so prematurely reject that as a possibility; whereas frustration types are getting their needs met by others, but are refusing to let that make them happy, by insisting there is something ‘wrong.’ 1s are angry that this isn’t more perfect; 4s are refusing to accept what exists for a fantasy of a different version of reality that is more meaningful to them; 7s are choosing to be restless as a response to their sense that everything could be more idealized/better/magical.

Thanks for your feedback. So far it’s been positive in terms of people liking that style. You’ll see more posts in that manner coming soon!

#reblog

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I would recommend at least talking to a therapist in an intake appointment, or primary care provider, or some sort of counseling office if you’re a student. I’m not a withdrawn type, but started experiencing something similar to your childhood experience when I first became depressed. As if I lost the capacity for full excitement and happiness. Granted, mine included a lot more positive/negative mood swings as well (mostly negative,) possibly due to having higher feeling and not being a withdrawn type. 

But I I wouldn’t say this level of blunted emotionality is typical for withdrawn types. Like, I have an INTP 9 friend, and she’s still capable of getting excited sometimes. It’s just harder for her to notice or predict, and does tend to come in terms of overwhelming waves. 

If the state of your emotions doesn’t bother you much, no need to complicate things. But if not, it usually doesn’t hurt to talk to someone about it.

Hi again! I’m the one from this ask https://funkymbtifiction.tumblr.com/post/695460643840704512/hi-charity-recently-i-noticed-that-my?utm_medium=Share&_branch_match_id=1099477109888741321&_branch_referrer=H4sIAAAAAAAAAwXB0Q2AIAwFwIlKf43bQC2hCsXgI8r23hXgfnbmiIDZUh1BeuM8%2FVotwbIJrDsXIylxGBYNFXXURUbeYaIHoURQW6zVT9Xt%2B15LP78a1TpZAAAA

Honestly, I am not sure if it could be depression (I’ve been suspecting it for a few years now) but I don’t have the opportunity to seek a professional at the moment. But I guess the possibility is really interfering with determining if I am a withdrawn type at all. I think I’ve always been a “loner”-y person but I was never afraid to be “out there” in terms of disagreeing with people, asserting my boundaries, being “bossy”, performing for other people. And when I am at my best on a good day I am still like that but on a “bad day” I become more detached and tend to assume that I am unwanted. But not in terms of not wanting to bother other people but more like… why would I waste my precious time on other people who don’t care about me?

Just gonna throw this out there for consideration – but could it be that you’re an 8 who has disintegrated into 5? Either way, it feels like a 5/8 interplay (aggression and withdrawn avoidance). Would you say your main “issue” in life is seeking isolation? Or digging deep into something so that you know it completely, and having a narrow focus on it? (5s tend to pick one or two things of utmost fascination and dig into the depths of whatever it contains.)

And as for having less feelings, I distinctly remember when I was around 10 or 11 that my happiness became more short-lived than before and was pretty upset about it too because I couldn’t understand why in my mind I was happy to receive a gift, but I didn’t have that exciting feeling inside me anymore. 

Aww. :(

I guess I wanted to ask if it still could be just a 5/9(?) experience or if I should try to dig something up to find my enneagram which is unobscured about possible mental illness.

I don’t know, to be honest. There are a some 5s who lurk around here who might comment on this, but I don’t know what this is or whether it’s more likely assertive>withdrawn or withdrawn>assertive. If you feel that 5 (all the good things and all the bad things) fits you best, it’s safe to assume 5 and assume that some of your emotional emptiness is coming from your MBTI type and/or depression.

#reblog

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On enemies to lovers

I am personally of the opinion that people hating each other is not necessary for chemistry to exist.

#non-sequitura-blog #blog #9/5/2022 #September 2022 #2022 #short #silliness

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as someone who regularly crushes on ENTPs, I may be able to help

non-male ENTPs I like:

Callisto Yew (Phoenix Wright series)

Kaz (Known Unknowns)

Robin (Stranger Things)

Jiyeon (squid game) (possibly; I see either ne dom for her but lean ENFP)

Jane (Tarzan)

I am down the rabbit hole again and it's hard to find ENTP female characters to read about. I've been scrolling for about 30 minutes after searching ENTP on this blog and still nothing! Any suggestions?

It's an unfortunate fact that most ENTP characters ARE men, but there are some women in the official tag on funkymbti.com:

#mbti #female entps #there’s fewer than I thought #reblog

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OP, feel free to ignore this, but if you happen to be in the American university system I’m happy to answer some questions about the transfer process (which I did last year.)

hi, charity! i’d like your opinion on my possible type? sorry this is so long lol.

- i would say i’m pretty impulsive. while my mom is very structured and loves planning (which is very alien to me), i prefer to leave things until the last minute. i’d also rather do things, than talk about stuff. things that are exciting and adrenaline-pumping really appeal to me. <- Se / SP

- i do like daydreaming especially when listening to music, but after a while, i realize it won’t really happen and stop. <- Se / SP

- i find that i mirror others. if someone texts super enthusiastic, i do the same; if it sounds more distant, i do the same. when doing something in school, i look to other people to see if i’m doing an assignment right. <- attachment core, probably 9

- i hate crying, especially around others. if anything, my first emotion when i’m upset is to be angry. <- likely gut type (9)

when i get upset, i withdraw from others. <- withdrawn type + Fi (9)

if i feel bad in that moment, it’s hard for me to picture that i won’t feel bad in the future. <- ISFP (how I am feeling now is all that matters, all I can see, what if this lasts forever?)

i don’t like to explain what i’m feeling and actually find it difficult to <- Fi

but when it really gets bad, i do seek out other people to talk about my problems. <- attachment, could be 9 or 6.

- i can be passive during conflict with friends. i’d rather have everyone get along, so when someone’s fighting with another, it bums me out that we all just can’t hang out. i like to keep things lighthearted and if it gets too serious/tense, i get uncomfortable. <- more 9

- i’ve chosen to taken up a major that my parents really wanted me to do, not that i actually wanted to do it. <- 9 "going along" with other people's agendas

it’s very difficult for me to think to the future, such as schools i’ll have to transfer to next semester and what i’ll have to do to prepare for that. thinking about the future in that way makes me feel anxious, since it’s not something that’s tangible right now. <- weak Ni

- it’s difficult for me to brainstorm or think of something random in an instant. <- no Ne

- i constantly debate with my mom about her political and religious beliefs. it’s not that i’m dismissing it, but she always takes it personal. there’s just so many logical inconsistencies in the religion i was raised in that i question, but i do know that religion is mainly to have faith in something. otherwise, you’d feel hopeless. <- doesn't mean you're not a 9

- if i’m in a situation i don’t like/enjoy, i immediately try and find a way out. i tend to run away when things get difficult. <- more 9

- i hate feeling like i’m doing nothing with my life. i compare myself to my peers a lot and sometimes even lie to make myself look better, such as about romantic relationships, grades, and stuff (nothing too crazy lmao). i also don’t like doing nothing in general, i have to constantly be doing something and feel like i’m being productive. <- strong Se and a strong 1 wing (super ego, I need to accomplish stuff and not be lazy!)

- i feel like i have a grey type of thinking rather than black and white. i can see all sides, so it’s hard for me to strongly choose one. i can even empathize with the villain sometimes. <- 9 core.

ISFP 9w1.

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Jeff Bliss’s Core Type

Apparently some kid went off on his high school teacher 10 years ago or something. I don’t condone the behavior (authority figures are very reluctant to change their ways in public, even if it’s the right thing to do, because it opens themselves up to more public attack.)

Anyway, I think he’s likely to be an assertive type, likely 7 with a 1 fix over 3 or 8.

The few times I (two superego fixes) have had confrontations in this vein involved more back-and-forth, which I think is the tendency of reactive types. This person wanted to declare their vision for how education should work, and wasn't basing the rant around specific things to change. 1 by itself seems more chiseled to me. 

#non-sequitura-blog #blog #8/20/2022 #August 2022 #2022 #medium #seriousness #enneagram #reaction to something