i
am suddenly face to face with delicate eyes
like brown bottle glass
full of fire (the hearth kind)
(the kind inside my heart)
you
brush my gaze lightly with yours
standing still, but the world
is dancing
i
a lady in pajama pants
with a flushed collarbone
you
a gentleman in a hoodie
we
both in slumber party clothes
i
am quiet behind the gauzy curtain
of blaring music
you
are with the music
it is your escort
you are loud
drown the rest of the discord out
i
hold out a delicate hand
peel back my lady glove
lotion-softened skin
(vaguely raspberry-scented)
(with a flower painted in ballpoint pen, blossoming from beneath the sleeve)
you
take it tenderly in yours
your fingers as gentle-lace as i remember
i can't remember
where we are
choir game night
or
a ball?
you bring the arching curve of my wrist
closer
i, a princess
you, a prince
or perhaps
we
just some stupid high schoolers who may or may not be in love
i
hold my breath
face demurely masked
(not the masquerade half)
so that nobody might see
how i draw my lower lip beneath
my teeth
you
don't break the silken thread between
our gazes
the press as light as
early silver dawn
or the sound of clinking glasses
against the back of my hand
warm, and lingering, and
gently firm, and
it leaves a mark
i
am left with the stamp
beneath my lady glove
FEB 04 / 2022
an obsolete date
stamped on the hands and arms and necks and a few foreheads
(as a joke)
(stupid high schoolers are like this)
you
placed it on my skin
precious as a kiss.
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WE are the poets of Tumblr. Every single one of you has impacted me over these years and I wouldn’t be the writer I am without your support. But our writing community is struggling… partly because of decisions of Tumblr, partly because of collective hurt in the world the past few years. I cannot bear to see anyone else disappear. Our community needs CPR… And it will NOT come from a Tumblr update or a lift of banned tags. We need clear and immediate triage, for blogs cut off from support, and that will come from US. Let us show new writers what it was like to walk into Tumblr years ago.
Join me in this challenge to immediately help the community! Please feel free to share, reblog, and tag writers in the comments (up to 5 per comment, or up to 50 in reblog text) to spread the word! I believe in you!
@1nn32dem0n5 @aaronawbra @acuriousbecoming @adamantseal @alex-a-roman @alinedhemingway @allnightsong2 @anjo-umbra @anti-the-poet @artistsoftheunknown @aubriestar @be-i-ng @beautifulimposter25 @behind-the-veil-of-sanity @bianchiblue @birchbritches @bitsofstarglow @bk-poetry @bostonpoetryslam @brooklynbubbles @buttonpoetry @chucklingpecan @christian-fett @claphandsound @comahonyart @cruxymox @cryptictalk @crypto-naturalist @dallasauroraborealis @dbaydenny @definegodliness @dementia7 @deusvacuus @dhritkavya-rasayana @diaryofamindonfire @delightsofmysoul @doktor-disko @drearydaffodil @drmorbius12 @dustseeker @eighthseawritings @electricarmchair @ellenya @expoundingspark @fabiannafabianna @fakesurprise @felix-hammerstein @fifty-shades-of-apathy @findyourfire4 @flugsvamp88 @fridayam @genvieve-of-the-wood @getcareless @goatsmell @goneahead @gracebriarwoodwrites @heartofmuse @hopebe @huntressandlioness1 @imperiallefty @infinitesplinters @inksomniac @inrumford @inversetherapy @invisibilityproject @joanhawley @jonaspoetry @jt–snow @just-4-thought @k-magic-universe @katrinnac @keatsonthebeach @lebuc @leccae @liquidayre @lorienfae @lunaragent @lunarpoems @lydiateasedale @manderson1970060 @mbrinnon35 @madworlddiary @mae-calpu @meanwhilepoetry @michaelbogild @michaeljackmyles @mikefrawley @mleighsquickspot @moonjunesoon @mortalghost @mstein1 @mylovaboxa @name-de-plume @nazeku @newmansa @nobeerreviews @omni-augustin @peace-in-my-garden @petrow @pocochon @poeticloverboy @poetrex @poetry-reruns @poetryportal @poetryriot @pomegranatepithos @praggya1993 @priceless-poet @purgatorypoetry @purplemonkeysexgod69 @quaintobsessions @questionthebox @quiet-storm132 @quietdissidentlyricist @rabbruad1 @randomlyjay @recognizingthevoiceless @rhapsodyinblue80 @rhymesalot @rhymingtherapy @roman–empyre @roseblueclouds @rust-belt-writer @ryanwithlions @sanddollarpoems @scatteredthoughts2 @september-stardust @simply-eno @sirmorose @smakkabagms @smittenbypoetry @somebodyssongbird @sophiechoir @sophist1956 @st-bullshit @stevenluce @strikezilla01 @takingstockofwhatmattersmost @teaspirationss @the-broken-poet @thedreadgorgon @thespiandrummer @the-sum-of-many-poets @thewoodsmanbanjoist @tinpigthinksbig @titustheandroid @trickstersquill @tylerknott@unforgettable-sensations @uutpoetry @vagabondprophet @writerscreed @wordpimp @wordrummager
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You wander down the same old street, same old drab you see everyday, concrete that remains unchanged
save for the footsteps ingrained,
and the cigarette butts scattering in the wind; today's revenants were yesterdays vagabonds, and you keep asking the empty air, why
are you even there...
I watch you wander, watch you try to dislocate, hide in your earphones and all the gray tones, tinged in regret and unknowing how to be anything but
shadow and decay...
You wander down the same old road, a heart that'd forgotten how to beat, yet it still bleeds, leaves a trail, crimson tears on that same old pavement, as it yearns
to burn again, to learn again...
If I could only tell you it'd be ok, tell you that you'll fly again, that I don't believe our wings ever truly wither, sit beside you on that curb you used to kick and point out all the colors that you've missed,
cause life, is but to be
in the moment.
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If you should fall in love with me
I want my friend the moon to see
So please
darling
kiss me under the stars.
She’s been here since the very start
She watched you steal my fragile heart
So please
darling
take me away from the streetlamps
and suburbs
and bright passing cars.
If our story should come to a fairytale end
The trees ought to know, for they are my friends
So please
darling
kiss me in the woods.
They’ve cradled me when I was in the most pain
And washed me clean with their pounding rain
So please
darling
take us away from the highways
and houses-
I would if I could.
If your heart and the cosmos should chance to align
It’s a favor from the stars, who are dear friends of mine
So please
darling
kiss me under the sky.
It’s sent the sun to dry my tears
And clouds of cotton to soothe my fears
So please
darling
let’s run away from the brick walls
and ceilings
and finally fly.
And if you don’t fall in love for all to see
At least my friend the moon will be here for me
So please
darling
let’s live out our story under rain clouds
and tree boughs
and my best friends, the stars.
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keep flying
Did you ever regret
poor Juliet
deciding that he was the one?
Did the rays feel as warm as a kiss
Icarus
When you flew too close to the sun?
And Eurydice
My love, tell me
How you became a tragedy
You had your gleaming chance-
Tell me, did you trip
When you tried to dance?
For all of us, the truth-
Love is red
Gorgeous as blood
The color of anger
Passion
Fear
A rose's bud
The truth-
We'd all like to fall
See it from above, see it all, see it all
Feel the wind in our hair,
The sun's glare,
Feel alive,
Stir the air,
Put our hearts out plain and streaming and breathtakingly fair,
for once to care,
-nobody wants to crash on the rocks.
but we keep flying
even as our wings melt.
We fly for the glorious things we've felt.
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beautiful things
I have seen every beautiful thing
Seen the world blossom and the sunshine sing
I have stood atop a mountain, watched the clouds split
So the sky can meet the rolling emerald woods.
And I'd trade it all away if I could.
You must understand, I've watched rivers weave and dance
And crash through iridescence, painting rainbows just by chance
I've seen glittering snow and flames warm as a kiss
Heard the oldest, sweetest melodies ring true.
And I'd trade it all away, this instant, just for the instant I shared tonight with you.
A note was all it took, meant for me to just pretend
That all my shining love for you was only that of a friend
I wrote it simply, sweetly, using words to tame my heart
My words helped the color to fade.
But I'd trade them all away just to see, one more time, the face you made.
Hand over heart
Note in your hand
Fingers pressed to your lips
And your eyes
Oh
your eyes
played
a symphony.
My name was lovely in the color of your voice
Said two separate times- twice as much I could rejoice
The world fell away around us, just to hear you speak
Our show was shining brighter than before.
But I'd trade it all away for you to breathe my name once more.
Hand over heart
Note in your hand
Fingers pressed to your lips
And your eyes
Oh
your eyes
played
a symphony.
I have seen countless beautiful things
But none as gorgeous as when you sing
I have stood atop a mountain, watched the clouds split-
oh
to hell with it
I love you.
And for a moment
A beautiful moment
You saw, in some way
Me loving you.
Of all the things in the world
If all the stars and flowers were laid out unfurled
I'd choose you
I'd choose you
I'd trade it all away and choose you
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the trampoline
the night is losing its youth
in favor of delicate frailty
soft grey clouds pass across the moon.
i've begun to give up hope that you'll notice me soon.
in the corner of the hostess's yard
there sits a trampoline
so as the party dims to gentle light
we gather there, quietly, packed in tight
some friends and I
lay side by side
and watch the clouds roll.
we speak in hushed voices,
with few words and careful choices
crafting a fragile moment from the hour we have left.
more people join us.
they are the popular ones, some of them
the talented, the pretty
somehow, we all start to talk about feeling left out
turns out
it's a feeling not a one of us is without.
so we put our feet in the center
and form a circle.
"we're all together now"
we say.
i can't pick out the popular ones
the talented, the pretty
they all look the same
soft
quiet
smiling.
in the corner of the hostess's yard
you find our trampoline
and you enter the scene.
your words usually sound like sunlight
but now,
softer,
quieter,
smiling,
they're more like the stars on a gorgeous night.
(like tonight.)
you sit down next to me.
our feet cross in the center.
and someone softly asks,
"how are we all feeling?"
this might have sent us reeling, but
tonight
mouths open
your lips part
and i gaze for a glimpse at your heart.
"i don't feel anything"
you say
softly,
quietly,
smile fading.
well, as long as we're not masquerading-
i speak up.
"i feel everything"
nobody else speaks.
there is a soft blush in my heart and vulnerability in my cheeks.
my hands lay across my knees
and softly
quietly
so softly
you cover them
with yours.
"give me your feelings"
you say
(you readers may
think i'm making this up-
no, truly
it went this way)
"give me your feelings"
softly
quietly
smiling
it's a joke but
is it?
"i would if i could"
you already took everything i might have felt-
and
god
your hands are so warm
i could melt.
in the corner of the hostess's yard
cradled by a trampoline
i hold your hand.
breathing softly, quietly, smiling
i try to slow time like honey
and your touch is smooth and sunny.
it doesn't last forever.
but it lasts
it lasts
in the corner of the hostess's yard
in a rusty trampoline
we all lay shoulder to shoulder
the ones like me,
and the ones like you-
the popular ones
the talented, the pretty
and the trampoline is our own silent, softly singing city
our voices send the clouds on their slowly rolling way.
all i want is to stay
and listen to you-
and i do
i do
i do.
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scattered
scattered-
instantly-
where was i?
my laptop is open
my cursor is blinking
but i'm no longer thinking
he took my thoughts with him down the hall as he passed.
strolling by, not too fast
probably on the way back to class.
i am running on too little sleep
and too many promises to keep
and in the midst of it all,
in my hour of need,
there he was.
passing by like an afterthought.
what was i doing again?
every time i see him
i call it a sign.
as if every time i glimpse him was by fate's design.
he was smiling down at something
and oh, that smile-!
like the dawn's early light
glaring through the window, all too bright
leaving spots in my sight
and yet i can't look away-
it's some kind of proof
that there's some meaning in this day.
i need to focus-
he's only a distraction. just a distraction.
i failed a chemistry test and i blame him completely.
at least today at lunch
he won't be there.
so i won't have to keep myself from turning my head to stare
lest my love seep out-
i know my friends would taste it on the air.
i feel guilty, in a way
for dropping conversations when he says something
just a bit too loudly
and my eyes turn cloudy
from gazing into his starry skies.
"i don't know, what do you think?"
i think he just might be the one?
i don't remember what the question was-
it's like love poems pour from my pen
of their own accord
whenever i'm the slightest bit bored
leaving my poor teachers forsaken and ignored.
at least it looks like i'm taking notes-
really i'm writing them
notes i'd never send
unless the world was going to end
they're all to him.
poems scrawled across an incomplete worksheet
on a whim.
chemistry? what about our chemistry?
there is a silver lining, though
the attention that i lose is repaid
ten times through
when the director calls places in two-
"thank you, two!"
his voice rings clear over his mic
and focus finally strikes.
the stage, i think, is his one true love
and i give it my entire heart
devoting myself to our art
when the spotlight hits, he is gone.
there's only a fellow actor
and the steps tattooed on my soul
and the notes of the song.
our love story becomes those that play out on stage
those that love, and lose, and love again
wearing the faces of our friends
it's all that matters.
til the curtain closes
and my thoughts
once again
scatter
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the touchstone on the drama room door
the touchstone on the drama room door
is four pieces of paper
fastened with hot pink duct tape.
one is a sign for good luck
and best wishes
god knows how old.
i think that story is no longer told.
when i touch it
i can feel the caress of the fingers that touched it
before.
everyone who's passed through the drama room door.
some people signed it-
nobody here remembers them
anymore.
one is a magazine cover-
not a real magazine cover-
we had a batch printed out for the show.
this is a story I'll always know.
this magazine ties me to the people whose hands brush mine
as we touch the sign.
exposé
it says on the cover.
to me that word will always be a tango onstage
and a tango backstage
and the calling card of the boy i love.
the other two are pages
from a real magazine-
someone ripped them out clean and pinned them up
like an afterthought.
they're about us
some magazine made a big fuss
they have pictures from before dress rehearsals
and before i fell in love with him.
i don't recognize myself without the yearning.
(is that a little concerning?)
i look pretty, though
and he looks like the star of the show.
in the picture, my friends and i are laughing.
they reach over my shoulder to touch it, their hands overlapping mine.
the touchstone that hangs
on the drama room door
is four pieces of paper
fastened with hot pink duct tape
and they mean so much more
we drama kids are a superstitious bunch;
i keep an elephant bracelet in my breast pocket
and a tiny brass charm in my belt buckle
and three pieces of mic tape a friend of mine blessed on my character shoes.
i never believed in a god
but i believe in things i can touch and decorate my life with
and i believe in the people who haunt this drama room like ancestral spirits telling you you're home.
we are home.
i keep these things on my person as we go onstage
and i keep the touchstone under my fingers
and i keep the feeling of his warm touch on my shoulder where i last felt it
and with these as my armor and my charms
i take up my arms
and i take the spotlights with the people who haunt this drama room by my side.
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a love letter to a place that breathes
I know it, deep down
There's a place I need to go back to
Where the stars are unbridled
Not trapped in someone's eyes
Where the days feel round
And the nights feel glassy smooth like the mirror of the lake
A long walk I need to take
I need to breathe with the trees
For my own sake
The gravel will feel steady
As it crunches soft beneath me
Tracing paths laid down by others
Those who built that ageless town
Where the woodstove's always ready
And the fire burns affection like the warmth of an embrace
Where there's kindness in each face
I need to be where I am wanted
Find my place
I know it's a long time coming
There's a home I need to reclaim
Where love is plain and simple
Love is a caringly cooked hot meal
Where the world's too slow for running
And each evening strolls beside me with the children of our street
Their youthful laughs are sweet
I need to lead them, hand in hand, back home
And be complete
The thunderstorms sing welcome
Softly, over a plucked guitar
The cards will be waiting on our table
With a slice of freshly baked pie
And though I visit seldom
Those gentle days are approaching, where the only worry is whether we'll win
Or meet defeat with a grin
I need to laugh with my family once again
Erase what I've been
I know it, deep down
There's a place I need to go back to
Where games are simple and lighthearted
And hearts aren't on the line
When I leave this town
I'll leave the socialite's tapestry with it, let them weave and weave and weave
In the dead of night, I'll leave
I need the road to take me where there's rhythm in the treetops
And flowers in the breeze
A love letter from everything that breathes
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own the world
My love
We could own the world,
You and I.
All the stars in the sky
Already belong to you-
I could too
And, my love
We could grace forests of tile and brick
Or a ballroom of pine needle carpet, well-trodden and thick
With the steps of a dance
Hand on my waist
Hand on your shoulder
We could hold each other closer as the nights get colder
My love, we could stand on a mountaintop
Watch the stars- our stars- as they drop
One by one.
And I could hold your hand
And cover it with kisses when your fingers get numb.
Even as we grew old together
We could stay young
My love, boy of my dreams
I never thought I'd say
Something so horribly cliche
But the world is shifting, it seems
In your future there is radiance
And in mine, the comforting darkness of home.
Why not place your moon in my night sky?
You could reach, I think
Together, we could fly
We could lie
On my grandmother's lawn
Entwined in the grass
Surrounded by flowers
And the world,
my love,
Could be ours
My love
We could own the world
Take it and cup it in our hands
And bury our toes in the sands
And lose our way wandering inside a kiss,
But it wouldn't matter
All we would need is this
Even if we lost our way, it wouldn't matter
There would be no fuss
If the world belonged to us
Oh, but we're lost now
Tangled in a forest unfamiliar
Not yet a home
And destined to roam
Find me, reach out your hand, take mine
And the world will be ours in time
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stage makeup
No
Hold on
I almost have it
I say to the mirror, makeup wipe in hand
I look prettier now
With my skin wiped smooth and bare
And the ghosts of dark lines around my eyes
Than I did before I hurriedly painted on my stage makeup
The gentle softness of my smudged reflection
Means something-
Hold on
I almost have it
I am more hopeful now
With my heart wiped smooth and bare
And the ghosts of every kiss I'll ever miss around my eyes
Than I was before I went and thrust myself headlong into six ill-fated loves and a seventh to be seen
It is better to have loved and lost
Than to never have knelt across from him to apply my mascara in the first place
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words
Words
are my weapon of choice
Though the choice of words can be narrow
Pickings slim,
The finished picture on the page often grim
Lacking color, mute without its voice
A pencil or a pen stabbed through the heart of the page
In a moment of rage
And the life would drain out of an unfinished poem if it had life to begin with.
Instead there's just a crumpled sheet
Forever incomplete
With a hole through the center.
I keep my words in their sheath
Around him.
Careful not to slice the softness of his skin.
But tangled up in covers at night
By candlelight
I hack my bedroom all to bits
To find my beating heart beneath.
Words are the weapon I train with day,
By day,
By day,
For when I master swordplay
I'll press the tip of my blade to his chest and win his heart.
Words
Words are a weapon that must be polished
Carefully kept
Words are a weapon, but even weapons can be artful
I could carve his face in blood for you.
What words would ring true?
brilliant
Perhaps;
carefree
soft
But soft isn't the right word,
soft like pillows in a giggling fight
Like gently wielded weapons
Does that sound right?
radiant
Every word that feels correct
Is just another word for light.
lucas,
In fact,
Means just that
Bringer of light.
He was named well.
Even the taste of his name
Is sweet on my tongue.
Some words taste sweet.
And words with flavor can make a poem
(or an arsenal)
Complete.
The word apricity
For example
Means the warmth of the sun in winter
But it tastes like his voice
The words he spills when we rejoice
Isn't it just on the tip of your tongue?
The words to describe him, elusive and fine
Are on the tip of mine.
Dagger strapped to my thigh
I shift the folds of my gown in each moment between him and I
Always ready
To draw a blade
Til his heart has been swayed
And my love betrayed
I have words tucked in my pockets and in my makeup bag and my character shoes.
They shouldn't be hard to lose.
I think he's stealing them, because
He always leaves me speechless.
I keep an arrow nocked
To send through his heart
But when we speak, it tears my aim apart
And instead of "Lucas, you were amazing tonight" or "you absolutely killed it!"
I give him a faint
"Good job"
And I send the arrow through the center of an unfinished poem instead
I should have thought ahead
But now I have another crumpled sheet
Forever incomplete
With a hole through the center.
Words are my weapon of choice
So I have no choice but to stay up all night
Weaving my words with grace,
Painting words on my face,
Dressing in the words I want to give him
And twirling my saber as the dawn comes over this wordless hell
Until I wield it well
Until my words can hold him fast and send a hail of arrows through his heart.
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the perfect storm
The perfect storm is on the horizon
And I am done with calling it poetry.
The blood in beautiful ruby-scarlet has dried brown, brown, brown, like his eyes, her eyes.
I can no longer feel in rhymes
Or scream at the rain in four-four time
I'm done with calling it poetry.
On the way to the wake we drove through the rain
And a car whizzed by with a license plate that said SOON.
I couldn't sleep that night,
I had just fallen for him
I thought this was foreshadowing
But all there was were shadows in the wings and on the highway and in the school lobby where they took my best friend away from the stage, in her bitter mascara tears.
Also, my aunt was dead.
(Well, actually, she's still dead
But sometimes I forget
Because I don't want to watch the scene again;
A mother burying her daughter in a wild garden of brilliant blooms, all rain-beaten and dying.)
"May she dance in sunlight forever," my mother wrote in the eulogy.
I hope my best friend dances
Alone in her room, and
I hope she manages to keep her family away
Because what they won't do with their hands
They will make up for with an iron maiden of words.
Luckily she is an iron maiden too
But she is melting
Melting
Melting
The blistering sun beats down on her even in a perfect storm.
How can you call this poetry?
And lightning
Lightning
Lightning!
There is no perfect storm without lightning.
Lightning crackles when he looks at me.
Or when I look at him.
But lightning strikes when he brushes their hair out of their eyes,
Presses his forehead to theirs,
And all I can think of is his brown, brown, brown eyes.
I should be thinking about her.
She should be here!
She's afraid of lightning
I'm not.
I would let it strike me,
I would stand on top of the world for him to press his forehead to mine
And she's scared of lightning.
She should still be here!
She loves the rain and
I'd give up the lightning for her.
I say that.
Would I?
The cast and crew are getting restless
And there is no dark and stormy night
Without the house and stage lights blacking out.
Rain still beats down,
Rain on roofs,
Character shoes on tiled floors,
Rain washing away the eyeliner she did for me
Because I don't know how.
Lightning strikes!
Even when he's not here
I can see it out my window
And it lights up my bedroom.
I could ask him to do my eyeliner
But it feels like a betrayal
Because lightning
She's scared of lightning
She likes the rain and the sun-
may she dance in sunlight forever.
I love him
I miss her
I love her
I want him
We are all breaking a sweat in the cold rain
And hoping the audience of opening night will bring umbrellas
The perfect storm is coming
And it is no longer poetry
Just thunder
Lightning
Sunshine
And rain
Rain
rain
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just tired
When we're onstage, the lights glare down upon us
Hot and violent
backstage it is silent
someone sleeps, someone weeps
there are murmurs like an actor's lullaby
indiscriminate, we rest on neighboring shoulders
draped on tile floors
heads turn towards the stage doors
whispers rouse, shake off the drowse
Birds alight to join the run crew in the wings
Feet are blistering, crammed in three-inch high heels
Ankles flexed
who will slip them off next
pajama pants, barefoot dance
sweatshirts folded on the floor beneath our heads
voices hushed, water sipped for soothing headaches
he shakes his head
drifting like he's half-dead
in some embrace, he finds his place
"are you okay?" somebody asks- there's no reply
we're all fine, really
just a little tired
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her name is empathy
there is an abhorrent force
tugging away at my beating heart
tearing me limb from limb apart
an angel with heavy white wings
who shrieks as much as she sings
and her name is empathy.
there is a delicate shadow
tugging me into your thoughts
turning my head when you're distraught
teaching me what it means to be fragile
creeping around us, sweet, mean, and agile
and her name is empathy.
there is a ray of sunlight
falling out from between your lips
swaying the world when your feelings tip
coaxing our laughter, drawing my smile
tying me to your downfall all the while
and her name is empathy.
there is a thread of joy
tuning me in to your desire
lending me warmth when you sit by the fire
whispering all that you withstand
sending off sparks when you clasp my hands
and her name is empathy.
there is a blinded storm
pounding me with everyone's tears
an exposé of their dreams and fears
eyeless, forcing me to feel
tearing down walls meant to conceal
and her name is empathy.
there is a weight waiting to fall
leeching color from your face
scattering everything out of place
sucking your joy from the air
leaving quiet worry there
making your voice sound unsteady
when you need me, I'll be ready
putting sorrow in your song
I don't even know what's wrong
but it hurts
you hurt
so I hurt.
there's a knot that's holding me fast
and her name is empathy.
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love letter
I wrote a love letter once
and sent it to a boy I thought I loved.
it was beautiful.
it was a garden full of flowers
words blossoming, carefully tended
my friends helped to sow the seeds, and in sun I watched them bloom.
and when I wrote the love letter
when I sent it to the boy I thought I loved
he told me my flowers were beautiful,
but he didn't care to stay.
I showed him out with a smile
and then I set fire to my garden
and watched flaming petals rain from the sky.
then I met you and you gave me a rose;
you give everyone roses
you grow roses from the pockets of your jeans.
I took the smile and the compliment
the rose
and let myself get drunk on the scent.
you love everyone, your kindness rains on everyone,
and yet,
I held it up to the moon and fancied your eyes were glowing just for me.
turns out even the ashes of flowers
can grow them afresh.
my friends liked to laugh that I'd never love again
but they knew me
and now I knew you
and we all knew it wasn't true.
I started smelling roses wherever I went.
sometimes when my eyes land on you across the room
(how couldn't they? with all the scarlet, deep ruby of your roses)
I watch you radiate affection
watch you give laughter, hugs, a dance that leaves you in giggles
watch everyone you know return it
watch them clasp your hands, compliment you, retie your tie
the flowers you give are brilliant to see
even when they aren't for me.
I'm writing love letters now
and saving them for someone I'm sure I love.
they are beautiful.
they are a lifetime of flowers
blossoming from under my skin, painful but pretty
I can't breathe without becoming dizzy from the scent
and I crafted this garden, wound through my hair and between my lips and knotted around my soul
all on my own,
using only a handful of ashes
and a single red rose.
and as I write these love letters
and save them for you, whom I love
I wonder if you'd find my flowers beautiful, even dare to hope you would.
although,
even if you're allergic to flowers,
living in a garden alone isn't a bad way to be.
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