noplsnoplsno

[noplsnoplsno]

Who needs therapy when you can just 🍃 it all away

#bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd tag #actually borderline #mental illness #mentally unstable #bpd meme #childhood ptsd #🍃 thoughts #🍃 #🍃 posts #🍃.txt

[noplsnoplsno]

[noplsnoplsno]

[noplsnoplsno]

DM me for more information~ ❤️❤️

Worked on this all night long 🍃

#actually borderline #button poetry #artist support #female artists #artists on tumblr #art #artwork #original art #my art #painting #acrylic paint #art4sale #art for sale #art for sell

[noplsnoplsno]

🍃🍃🍃❤️ for sale

Please help me make my house payment lmao. 🥹 DM me for deets.

#mental illness #original art #artwork #art #trippy #trippin #🍃 thoughts #🍃 #legalize #artists on tumblr #female artists #artist support

[noplsnoplsno]

What if it was me that I actually loved instead of the idea of who I had to be for their satisfaction?

What if I could love myself for the small flaws instead of seeing them as world ending missiles? Would it make up for the times that my parents made me know that I was nothing to them?

What if these flowers on my skin began to bloom, became a cacoon for the grief that I feel when I mourn a version of myself that can never exist?

What if from the contents of that cacoon the ideal child erupted? Surrounded by the filth and dirt of afterbirth?

Would the visible surface flaw be enough to deter you?

I don't think it's too hard for someone to pick up the water and gently wipe away the years of gestate it took for her to become this stained.

But yet she depends on herself, slowly teaching herself to walk to the nearest puddle of rusted rain water where she begins to scrub herself.

#actually borderline #bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd tag #mental illness #mentally unstable #bpd meme #button poetry #childhood trauma #childhood ptsd #ptsd

[noplsnoplsno]

Just attempted to make myself vomit up a pizza I ate. Was unsuccessful. Still feel like shit and genuinely don’t want to eat again for three days. Why not.

[noplsnoplsno]

The one fucked up thing about being a recovered anorexix is the want to relapse and the need to validate that I am enough through starving myself. I don’t even know if you can call these periods relapses I just know that at least three times a year my brain convinces me to starve myself.

[noplsnoplsno]

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

#2 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

[noplsnoplsno]

Does anyone else ever feel really hopeless about being on mental health medication for the rest of their life?

I was on Zoloft for almost two years, and suddenly I started experiencing the black box warning of it. They switched my antidepressants and put me back on antipsychotics.

Coming out of a depressive episode that fast really has me feeling like I’m never going to be able to be normal. I take seven pills a day just to be able to function. I feel like most people would be asleep or something with what I take.

Can anyone else here relate? I am 26 years old and I feel like I am never going to achieve emotional and mental stability. I just want to be normal happy and normal sad.

#bipolar disorder #actually bipolar #bipolar #actually borderline #bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd tag #bpd meme #mentally tired #mentally ill #mental illness #mentally unstable

[noplsnoplsno]

Coming Home

Finding you felt like coming home and now we both have to deal with the trauma that the journey left us. How do we communicate when our words were so twisted by others? How do we keep ourselves connected when we were shoved away into non-existence.

I don't know how we did it, all I can say is we survived, but damn I wish we both didn't wake up crying. Emotional rollercoasters taking us on a ride, living life even though thoughts of dying cloud our mind.

Codependent to a fault, talking life memories like they are still involved, seeking comfort in the rise from our falls. Never have I ever believed that I was able to feel as safe as you make me. What I once thought to be untruth is now spelled out in front of me clearly by you.

Never felt like getting better, never felt like tryin', then you came home and now I feel like I'm flying.

Yeah we are flying to a different life, one without pain, flying to a different life, but first we have to train. Train to trust, and train to love, in our home, Unteach ourselves the things we learned before we came home. Drop the preconceived notion that every word spoken is a bomb. Don't believe your tongue is a weapon of war. Don't worry that your breathing is too loud and will cause some unforeseen accusation of hate and discontentment.

Train to breathe and not to scream in our home.

Home is where your heart is but that isn't what we learned. Home is a place where you go to hide from the screams and curse. Home is where you lie, home is where you cry. You hide from the threats of a vague circumstance created in some delusional mind that you are forced to understand for survival. A child forsaken that smiles because this is the only normal they have ever known.

Now the opportunity has arisen for us to live better than we were supplied, maybe now we wont have to stifle our cries at night. We get to choose and we are the truth, yeah we will show them what we can really do in spite of their poison they laid with concrete in our brains.

We spent our whole life at war, now pry the weapons from our half necrotic hands. This shit is hard, it isnt for the weak, but let me tell you we will eventually both speak.

Speak to the pain and scream to the sky telling him you are happy he is dead. Cry to the heavens and don't believe in love. Love, just know that when you have told him the truth, Ill be here to help you fight the scars that remain. We will fight, even if it takes the rest of my life

#poetry #poetic #poem #text post #prose #being borderline #borderline personality disorder #bpd #bipolar #bipolar disorder #childhood ptsd #living with ptsd #complex ptsd #personal

[noplsnoplsno]

You twisted my words, shoved false intentions into my reality. Clouding my mind with deceit and false promises only to be fulfilled by accusations of letting myself down.

I built my own expectations, shouldn't I know better than to trust your words by now? Why do I feel so bad for how I feel when you are the one who hurt me? How do I still wonder if my reality is actually fitting what my perception sees?

You promised me safety and offered pain in the form of a pillow made of thorns, you offered me warmth in the heat of a cold hot flame that burned my hand with the stinging cold of ice, you offered understanding only to be met with my confusion when open communication about my experiences were retorted with blaming me instead of comforting me.

Your intentions became clearer, louder, slowly defeaning the future I once believed in. Clouding it into another dimension separate from my own, somewhere I couldn't remember that it existed.

It's me, I asked for too much, basic human kindness, understanding, love, patience, happiness, peace.

I have that now, and now I see the things I wish that I could have grown from sooner

#actually borderline #bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd tag #button poetry #bpd meme

[noplsnoplsno]

An orange moon as I left a home and went back to a house.

A house made of eggshell floors.

A house made out of false transparency.

I want to be home.

I want to walk in stability and smiles.

I need to have openness in my home.

My map took me the wrong way.

Now all I can do is hold on for another hour.

I hope the clock isn't broken like me.

[noplsnoplsno]

So lemme tell ya, I actually used a DBT skill in practice at work, was able to accurately identify feeling overwhelmed. And actually use it. But I'm proud of myself and I wanted to share

[noplsnoplsno]

So lemme tell ya, I actually used a DBT skill in practice at work, was able to accurately identify feeling overwhelmed. And actually use it. But I'm proud of myself and I wanted to share

[noplsnoplsno]

At no point, did I expect for your words to touch me so deeply. A simple question spinning into multiple realizations. A simple act of kindness sending me into a tailspin of doubting what I'm willing to put up with.

I've never been used to kindness, something as simple as asking me if I needed anything, was enough for me to realize that I need so much more. I want so much more. But I'm not in the position to ask for more.

I shouldn't be selfish, I should be grateful for what is given to me. Grateful that at least I have the pleasure of helping others. That I have the opportunity to be allowed the chance to make someone else happy. That should be enough right? Things shouldn't have to be done for me right.....?

Right?

[noplsnoplsno]

Tik tik tik

The hands of a clock moving forward with every blink.

The hands of time manipulating the past into the present.

She clings to the hour hand, neck tied to it as though it'll keep her alive.

Hand outstretched to a cowering child sitting in fear on the minute hand. Time going to fast. Needing comfort that's just out of reach.

The hands of a clock reach cohabitation of space 22 times a day.

22 times that she is engulfed in the feelings.

22 times that she is once again who she came from.

What she came from

25 years spent in intensity, begging for the clock to permanently be stuck at midnight.

12:01am.

They exist side by side. The girl doesn't disappear just because she is further away. The woman doesn't cease to exist because her minutes spent in the past seem to be distant for now.

Coexistence of peace and chaos.

12:02am