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Today I realized

that I'll truly,

never be

who I want to be.

And that terrifies me.

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Life goes on without me

Why shouldn't go on without it

#sad

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And maybe if I do everything right I'll live my best life. I'll live the life everyone else shows that's possible.

But everyone else is lying.

Life is about the small happies. And that's what they cling on. Because if you don't what are you supposed to do.

#sad

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I think it's just 'cause I have alcohol in my system but it feels as if I don't have all this distractions anymore to stop me from realizing how fruitless it is.

It's not worth it

#tired #sad

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You live for the small things.

Once in a while you might be feeling okay. Once in a while it doesn't hit you all at once.

But is it really worth it if all you're living for is small moments of bliss.

#sad

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Life is suffering

#I dont think you can live it any other way #sad #edgy

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I've met people that late in their life, they look back and realize they've wasted it.

Each day passing by I am starting to feel as if that's going to be my ending. I don't think I'm strong enough to change it.

Go against the current and find my purpose. That's all bullshit.

I am still spending all my time in my room. Talking to people online I'll never meet. I've even started smoking cigarettes and drinking more in my room.

I've gone on tinder dates with people that don't give a shit about me, and I'm ready to go and sleep them. Cuz what does it matter. I might as well waste it. I'm going to disappoint everyone. There are expectations of me and I'm not meeting them. Even the smallest human things.

There shouldn't be anything stopping me from going out and living my life. And yet here I am.

I'm stopping me.

#vent

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yes

Yep✖🤗

#hey maybe I am kidding myself

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I know it exists. It's there. It's holding me. Touching me.

I can't feel it

#I don't feel loved #Why Can't I feel it

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I should try again

#i wanna die

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I feel so tired. so so tired.

I want to rest for a bit

just a bit

i wish I could fall asleep again

i wish i could sleep my days away

#sad #i'm just sad #tired

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Ever cried in your bed curled up in a ball because you’re alive and can’t die?

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JUST STOP PLEASE STOP PLEASE STOP STOP PLEASE

I DON’T WANT THIS ANYMORE

I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE

CAN’T IT JUST STOP

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[not-messed-up-enough]

life isn’t about evading hell.  life is about living beautifully despite it.

sulē cerdan (via sulealone)

#sad #sadness

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I have no right to be sad

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I don’t think I’ve ever felt that it was otherwise

#I caught myself thinking the other day about how nice high school is #reminiscing #and then I caught myself #it's not nice #I was miserable in high school #now I'm thinking what if I've been doing the same thing when thinking childhood #maybe I never was good enough