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YA GIRL IS FINALLY DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL!!! I’ll be graduating soon (in literally 2 weeks aaaah), so I decided to reflect on the experience and put this post together. Here are the 4 things I learned in high school (that’s not all about the maths and the sciences)!! 
1. Give yourself some credit
After receiving a test paper with a low mark or hearing negative feedback from my research adviser about a thesis paper that I’ve been working so so hard on, I would understandably feel upset with myself, especially if it’s something I put a lot of effort in. Situations like these make me feel extremely distressed and leave my mind clouded with negative thoughts and emotions. In times like these, it is super important to give yourself some credit. Don’t discredit your achievements just because something didn’t go right! Remember your achievements! They don’t have to be big achievements but rather, things you’ve done that made you feel accomplished and fulfilled. Don’t focus on the things your shortcomings. Give yourself credit for your achievements and your abilities!
2. Find ways to love the ‘pain’
High school is hella tedious and routinely and for most of my high school days, I obviously was never excited to go through any of it. This lead to numerous absences and tardiness sanctions that messed with my conduct and overall academic standing. After my first two years of high school, I finally decided to find ways to love the ‘pain’. I decided to get up at 4am every day to cook myself a hearty meal for lunch so I would have something to look forward to during the day. In addition to this, I always took the time to rewrite my notes in the school library after classes because I loved using colorful pens and highlighters to make my notes look visually appealing, even if no one else would see them but myself. It’s things like these that seem small, but actually made the mundane high school routine actually bearable for me.
3. Give yourself a break
I don’t even know how many times I found myself breaking down in my room or in the school library because of assignments, readings, and tests. I also have ended up pulling multiple all-nighters to finish my thesis. One time, I even had to pull out my laptop in the middle of a family trip to do some research for another paper. I’ve spent so much of my time working my ass off to do well in terms of academics. Whenever I would have free time, I would still insist on doing schoolwork and whatnot. In the end, I would just feel overworked and too exhausted to do anything else and that’s the absolute worst thing you can do to yourself. 
Be kind to yourself! Go on a milk tea date, put on a face mask, take a nap. Overworking yourself isn’t being productive. In fact, it even damages your productivity, so do yourself a favor and give yourself a break.
4. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now
Damn, this was probably the hardest thing I ever had to come to terms with. It took countless nights of crying and panicking for me to realize that it’s okay not to have everything figured out right at this second. When I was in middle school, I was set on becoming a musician. Then, I wanted to become a seismologist. Then, I found interest in Psychology when I was in 9th and 10th grade. I was so certain I was going to be a Psychologist until 11th grade where we had sudden introduction to Psychology lesson where we learned about the brain. There, I realized it wasn’t for me.
All my friends have been decided on what course they’ll be taking, and I felt immensely panicked and anxious about how undecided I am about my course, what school I’m going to take, what career I’m going to take on after university. At family gatherings, relatives would always ask me what I want to be considering I’m so close to graduating high school. I would always say I’m unsure yet, and that’s where the pressure gets even more intense and the “when I was your age, …” stories begin.
It took such a long while for me to realize that it’s okay to be undecided and uncertain about the future. For most of my senior year, I made the effort to talk to my friends, parents, and our school guidance counselor to ask them for help and advice. I journaled constantly. Through this experience, I learned more about myself and my personality and figured that maybe I would do well in the field of Communications. As for now, that’s really all I know and that’s okay. You have a whole life ahead of you, you have tons of time to figure things out :) 
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Free books: 100 legal sites to download literature
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my profs’ advice/comments on impostor syndrome –
“i’ll tell you how i’ve learned to deal with this sort of thing. i didn’t develop a sense of joy in my academic study until i realized that what really matters is the work itself. it’s not about trying to impress anybody or trying to earn a specific grade. it’s all about loving the work, the reading, the writing, the critical conversation. and i think you do love those things, and you do enjoy your academic work when you can get out of your own way about it. now, where i’m at in my career, i have to think about what gets me up in the morning, and that’s not publishing 20 articles a year or seeking external approval. what it is, is writing, reading, and teaching about what I love, my own little academic world that i’ve created.” – prof c
 “i wrote shitty papers in college, and i still got a phd. you’re not supposed to know everything yet! you’re still learning! you know what, write that on a post-it and stick it on your laptop. you don’t have to know it all yet. you don’t have to be perfect.” – prof s
“while i can assure you that you should not feel like an imposter, i can also confess that the syndrome is common at all levels of academia – so you should not think yourself abnormal to be experiencing it.” (x)
“i hate to say/write this, but it’s sort of true: that you having these impostor-syndrome reactions, these worries about disappointing those you respect … to me, that sort of signals that you do have traits common to many successful academics! even people who have masses of success behind them – and, come to think of it, particularly the people who have a lot of cred *and* outside affirmation of it – suffer from impostor syndrome *if* (and the if is important) they genuinely care about the quality of their work. so: if it’s possible to think of these feelings as symptomatic of a characteristic many good academics share, then please do.                                                                                          (…) the important thing is this: how counterproductive it can be for self-sabotaging people to think of themselves as being ‘born’ to do something. it makes any possibility of missing the mark immediately existential. academic work is something one chooses because one has a strong interest in a certain field of study, an ability to study and produce credible work (as judged by ‘authorities’ in said field), and a social possibility to choose to proceed in that direction. sometimes, i, at least, find it helpful to remind myself of the simple facts of this.                       (…) i do think it’s important to put the activating gesture of entering grad school very firmly in your own hands. you are choosing this. you are choosing it because you want it, others have said that you are capable, and you have the practical possibility of choosing it. this is enough. the work will be enough without the existential heft, and the existential heft will not make the work better.” – s
 from my lit teacher’s wife, an english prof at ucb who graduated from yale – ”yes—i feel like this often—and so does every person i’m close to in academia, and every graduate student ever. the key is to just feel the fear and do it anyway, especially when ‘do it’ means ‘write.’” 
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my a levels are over!!! it feels very weird!!
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MASSIVE list of book recs
plays
death of a salesman, arthur miller
macbeth, shakespeare
a streetcar named desire, tennessee williams
hamlet, shakespeare
a raisin in the sun, lorraine hansberry
a midsummer night’s dream, shakespeare
antigone, sophocles
king lear, shakespeare
the glass menagerie, tennessee williams
othello, shakespeare
pygmalion, george bernard shaw
the tempest, shakespeare,
much ado about nothing, shakespeare
as you like it, shakespeare
the taming of the shrew, shakespeare
the merry wives of windsor, shakespeare
the merchant of venice, shakespeare
oedipus rex, sophocles
an ideal husband, oscar wilde
who’s afraid of virginia wolf, edward albee
our town, thornton wilder
waiting for godot, samuel beckett
fantasy/fairy tales
the ranger’s apprentice, john flanagan
harry potter series, j.k. rowling
inkheart by cornelia funke
throne of glass, sarah j. maas
the chronicles of narnia, c.s. louis
the lord of the rings, j.r.r. tolkien
the hobbit, j.r.r. tolkien
percy jackson and the olympions, rick riordan
eragon by christopher paolini
the bartimaeus trilogy, jonathan stroud
howl’s moving castle, dianna wynne jones
the wonderful wizard of oz, lyman frank baum
the books of bayern, shannon hale
ella enchanted, gail carson levine
the princess bride, william goldman
the raven cycle, maggie stiefvater
the sisters grimm, michael buckley
the spiderwick chronicles, tony diterlizzi and holly black
the alchemist, paulo coelho
forgive my fins, tera lynn childs
alice in wonderland, lewis carroll
the faerie path, allan jones frewin
the school for good and evil, soman chainani
the grimm legacy, polly shulman
the sweetest spell, suzanne selfors
the tales of the frog princess, e.d. baker
the wide-awake princess, e.d. baker
once a witch, carolyn maccullough
the silver bowl series, diane stanley
the emily windsnap series, liz kessler
fairest, gail carson levine
the fairy realm series, emily rodda
the water mirror, kai meyer
the two princesses of bamarre, gail carson levine
non-fiction
the seven habits of highly effective people, stephen covey
the seven habits of highly effective teens, sean covey
mencken’s chrestomathy, h.l. mencken
yes please, amy poehler
is everyone hanging out without me? (and other concerns), mindy kaling
audrey hepburn: an elegant spirit, sean hepburn ferrer
how to be lovely: the audrey hepburn way of life, melissa hellstern
how to win friends and influence people, dale carnegie
how to win friends and influence people for teen girls, donna dale carnegie
#girlboss by sophia amuroso
14,000 things to be happy about, barbara ann kipfer
choose to matter, julie foudy
the little book of skin care: korean beauty secrets for healthy, glowing skin, charlotte cho
where stylists shop: the fashion insider’s ultimate guide, booth moore
the girls’ book of glamour: a guide to being a goddess, jeffrie sally
the girls’ book: how to be the best at everything, juliana foster
the girls’ book of excellence: even more ways to be the best at everything, sally norton
the life-changing magic of not giving a f*ck: how to stop spending time you don’t have with people you don’t like doing things you don’t want to do (a no f*cks given guide), sarah knight
bossypants, tina fey
we should all be feminists by chimamanda ngozi adichie
behind the scenes: or, thirty years a slave, and four years in the white house, elizabeth keckley
the pillow book, sei shōnagon
eat pretty: nutrition for beauty, inside and out, jolene hart
eat pretty every day: 365 daily inspirations for nourishing beauty, inside and out, jolene hart
narrative of the life of frederick douglass, frederick douglass
narrative of sojourner truth, sojourner truth
12 years a slave, solomon northup
night, elie wiesel
poetry
the flowers of evil, charles baudelaire
a season in hell, arthur rimbaud
she walks in beauty, lord byron
shakespeare’s sonnets, shakespeare
we real cool, gwendolyn brooks
poems of emily dickinson
poems of robert frost
leaves of grass, walt whitman
the raven, edgar allen poe
poems of edgar allen poe
milk and honey by rupi kaur
the sun and her flowers, rupi kaur
the princess saves herself in this one, amanda lovelace
romance
romeo and juliet, shakespeare
emma, jane austen
ever, gail carson levine
pride and prejudice, jane austen
eleanor and park, rainbow rowell
sense and sensibility, jane austen
jane eyre, charlotte brontë
landline, rainbow rowell
madame bovary, gustave flaubert
to all the boys i’ve loved before, jenny han
love in the time of cholera, gabriel garcía márquez
the sun is also a star, nicola yoon
young adult
fangirl, rainbow rowell
great expectations, charles dickens
aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, benjamin alire sáenz
when the moon was ours, anna-marie mclemore
the goldfinch, donna tartt
looking for alaska, john green
we were liars, e. lockhart
the wrath and the dawn, renée ahdieh
little women, louisa may alcott
palace of spies, sarah zettel
the clique series, lisi harrison
the finishing school series, gail carriger
eyes like stars, lisa mantchev
the ever after high series, shannon hale
along for the ride, sarah dessen
girl online, zoe sugg
keeping the castle, patrice kindl
stargirl, jerry spinelli
stir it up, ramin ganeshram
prom and prejudice, elizabeth eulberg
the summer i saved the world…in 65 days, michele weber hurwitz
pink and green series by lisa greenwald
six of crows, leigh bardugo
the catcher in the rye, j.d. salinger
the house on mango street, sandra cisneros
turtles all the way down, john green
under the lights, dahlia adler
geekerella, ashley poston
simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda, becky albertalli
it’s not like it’s a secret, misa sugiura
the idiot, elif batuman
the outsiders, s.e. hinton
everything leads to you, nina lacour
a wrinkle in time, madeleine l’engle
dumplin’, julie murphy
historical fiction
the great gatsby, f. scott fitzgerald
the scarlet letter, nathaniel hawthorne
a tale of two cities, charles dickens
the song of achilles, madeline miller
the last of the mohicans, james fenimore cooper
the constant princess, philippa gregory
the count of monte cristo, alexandre dumas
les misérables, victor hugo
war and peace, leo tolstoy
a mad, wicked folly, sharon biggs waller
manor of secrets, katherine longshore
to kill a mockingbird, harper lee
uncle tom’s cabin, harriet beecher stowe
atonement ian mcewan
the unbearable lightness of being, milan kundera
things fall apart, chinua achebe
ophelia, lisa m. klein
the god of small things, arundhati roy
gothic fiction
frankenstein, mary shelley
dracula, bram stoker
the picture of dorian gray, oscar wilde
wuthering heights, emily brontë
parody/satire
catch-22, joseph heller 
candide, voltaire
don quixote, miguel de cervantes
animal farm, george orwell
the importance of being earnest, oscar wilde
science fiction
the city of ember, jeanne duprau
1984, george orwell
the handmaid’s tale, margaret atwood
brave new world, aldous huxley
the lunar chronicles, marissa meyer
the time machine, h.g. wells
the fourteenth goldfish, jennifer l. holm
fahrenheit 451, ray bradbury
twenty thousand leagues under the sea, jules verne
the extraordinary voyages series, jules verne
epics
beowulf, author unknow
the odyssey, homer
the iliad, homer
the bhagavad gita, vyasa
the mahabharata, vyasa
inferno, dante alighieri
miscellaneous
the bell jar, sylvia plath
the secret history, donna tartt
swann’s way, marcel proust
the art of war, sun tzu
the awakening, kate chopin
moby dick, herman melville
anna karenina, leo tolstoy
the canterbury tales, geoffrey chaucer
the crucible, arthur miller
one flew over the cuckoo’s nest, ken kesey
the antichrist, friedrich nietzsche
sew zoey, nancy taylor and chloe zhang
the candymakers, wendy mass
my sister the vampire series, sienna mercer
eight hundred grapes, laura dave
their eyes were watching god, zora neale hurston
the adventures of huckleberry finn, mark twain
the adventures of tom sawyer, mark twain
a christmas carol, charles dickens
the old man and the sea, ernest hemingway
to the lighthouse, virginia woolf
utopia, thomas more
a spy in the house of love, anaïs nin
crime and punishment, fyodor dostoyevsky
the assistants, camille perri
a room of one’s own, virginia woolf
the joy luck club, amy tan
sputnik sweetheart, haruki murakami
the namesake, jhumpa lahiri
a thousand splendid suns, khaled hosseini
crazy rich asians, kevin kwan
save the date, morgan matson
neuromancer, william gibson
thanks for reading! i hope this helped some of you out. hugs, mel ✨✨✨
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listen to me: you DO NOT always need to give it your 100%. you really do not. because let’s be honest, you’re human and you’re simply not always going to be able to. there are days when you can only give it your 80%. or your 50%, or heck, even your 10%. and THAT IS OKAY. only skimming one paragraph, only solving one equation, only memorizing 5 words is better than not doing anything because you have this idea in your head that things are only worth doing when you can give what you consider to be your 100%. 10% is better than 0% and some days that is all you can give. it will still add up, and you will still succeed, i promise.
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fuck imposter syndrome
You deserve to be where you are. Your accomplishments are real. You have worked hard to get here. You have earned this. You are just as good as everyone else. It wasn’t a mistake that you got this far, nor did you trick people into letting you get this far. You are not an imposter. ♡♡♡
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you can always squeeze in a 10 minute study session and you can always afford a 10 minute break
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slowly getting back to routine.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
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13 May 2019 | It’s almost summer. I have absolutely loved my courses this semester, but I will definitely be happy when this week is finished. I just submitted my final paper for my seminar course and now I’m on to studying for my church history exam. After that, all that remains is my Greek final and then I can put all my time into reading the towering pile of *other* books I’ve accumulated over the past few weeks. 
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02022019. trying to study two plays at once. the verdict: don’t try it!
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Missing these mornings a lot, a lot, a lot. Can’t wait to go back
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4/15/19
Wow it’s been a hot minute since I posted but since then I’ve finished reading this book for the third time and I’m officially deceased!!! I think gatsby is one of those books where you can read it multiple times and notice something different each time which is great because it’s assigned for school so often lol
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10.5.19 I finished my essay. I ended up writing 3'200 words in 2 days. It’s my last ever essay! I also went to my last ever seminar this afternoon for exam revision. I think I deserve the evening off, but I’m starting to feel that revision guilt. XxEmily
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sunny morning drinking cappuccinos and reading about print history.
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29.04.19 // going strong for another day in the library– we’re so close
taken from my instagram @intellectys!
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