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[ on a phone call ]

MC: Belphie, I messed up and I need your help

Belphie: I'm on my way, put the body in the bathtub and fill it with ice for now

MC: alrigh- wait, what ?

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Mammon, flirting: How is the most prettiest person doing today ?

MC, blushing: oh i- um

Asmo, in the back: I'm doing great, thanks for asking

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Mammon: Lucifer, the new exchange student told me to give this to you

Lucifer: What's their name ?

Mammon: It's Kanye

Lucifer: Who's Kanye ?

Mammon: KANYE FIT THIS DIC-

Mammon to MC: and that's how I got tied up here, can you help me please

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Levi: I wish we can block people in real life

Satan: Restraining order

Belphie: Murder

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Asmo: I just ended up a 5 year relationship...

MC: oh my god, are you okay?

Asmo: oh I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship

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Diavolo: Barbatos, can you bring some extra cup and sugar ? We have Lucifer with us today

Diavolo: So Lucifer, tea or coffee ?

Lucifer: Coffee would be nice

Diavolo: wrong, it's tea! Better luck next time tho

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Lucifer: are you ready to commit ?

MC: like a crime or a relationship ?

Belphie to MC: pretty sure he meant suicid3

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Satan: listen here you piece of crap, I am NOT your BABY, I am NOT your BABE. Call me with that disgusting name one more time and I'll rip your inside and eat it raw

[ MC, from another room ]: is everything alright, babe ?

Satan: yeah, nothing to worry about, MC !

#obey me incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes

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Beel: a mosquito bites me and I slapped it too hard and killed it

Beel: and I started thinking

Beel: the mosquito just trying to get food

Beel: what if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snap my neck

MC: Beel, are you okay

Belphie: I'm kinda jealous of that mosquito ngl

MC: what the fuck

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MC: I hate you

Satan, in his head: enemies to lovers, slowburn, chapter 105, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words, genre romance tragedy

Satan: I hate you too

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MC : you think your life is hard? I got transported to a literal hell and had to do a lot of task everyday

The brothers who are forced to work at least 10 hours a day by MC:

what a hypocritical bitch

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MC: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Satan: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Beel: Drunk

Levi: Wasted

Mammon: Dead

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Asmo, unbutton shirt: "Ugh, it's so hot in here!"

Solomon:

Solomon: Asmo, that's my shirt

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Levi, whispering :MC, what's the WiFi password ?

MC: This is literally a funeral

Levi, typing :this ...is ... literally...a...funeral

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Lucifer to Mammon: do you ever get the urge to tell someone to “shut up,” when they aren’t even talking?

Mammon:

Lucifer: shut up

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Asmo: Solomon~ have I ever told you that you are good at cooking ?

Solomon: Aw, you haven't told me that before

Asmo: so why tf you keep cooking

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Levi: Ruri Chan is the strongest magical girl out there and nothing can change my mind !

MC: can she beat Goku tho?

Levi: wha-

MC: nvm