My abuser just woke me up from THE.BEST.DREAM.. that I have ever had in my entire life.
It was a pool party on the roof of tom macdonald/novas place. I was swimming with modsun, and yungblud! Then comes strolling in lil peep(RIP) with his colored longish hair before he shaved it all off. I said to him “how many xannies have you had today?!” He replied with “just 4, do you want some?” Next thing I see tom comes home waves his arms in the air, and yells “I’m gonna get you!” then jumps into the pool fully clothed! Haha! Now I am in this HUGE.ASS.ROOM. with a HUGE.ASS.BED. and lil peep is passed out in my lap, I’m running my fingers through his hair with my head down just looking at him/admiring his full being of being with me. Then comes rushing in this girl, she sighs, then says to me “2 hours from now, try to get him up for hydration” I look down on the floor, and I see syd just sleeping.
Then my fuckin abuser wakes me up. SHIIT.
I didn’t end up taking that OD last night. I decided that since my abuser comes into my room at night while I am sleeping to check on me to make sure I am still breathing, that if that really did me in, she would see that I wasn’t breathing right/breathing at all, and my plan wouldn’t really have turned out so good now would it have now.
Nah, I’ll wait a few more days, or hey, she is sleeping now, my brother is sleeping, and my dad just left for work an hour ago after saying ‘bye I love you’ to me like usual if I am up.(which I usually am, but sometimes I am not)
I’m actually thinking of taking just a couple of kpins right now; they make me so tired, and relaxed(like their supposed to do, duh idiot) but even more so if I take more than 4 or 5.
Don’t give me this bullshit that tumblr ‘ate your asks’ because we all know that I’m being ignored, and overlooked.
I sent an anon to two different blogs last night when I was going to OD, and one was a positive one about their pet, and another was telling the person that I didn’t know what else I had to live for, and it went on until I ran out of words to send; (and that was to a mental health positivity blog!) UNREAL.
This has happened to me more than just a few times in the past as well.
It really is whatever I suppose, but it is just plain fuckin rude, and uncalled for. I give you a compliment, I would like a fuckin reply.
Hey, you! :) Sorry that you weren’t doing so great. I’m here for you though, never forget that. Thank you, sending you some of my love too.
Hmm. Well, white tigers are my absolute favorite animal, so I suppose that would be the one. They are majestic, and beautiful; powerful, yet gentle.
My dearest followers, go on anon(or not anon) and write me something positive/uplifting. I’m really low tonight, like usual, but more yah know, things.
Send me nice anons!
Ask me questions, tell me about your day/troubles. Vent to me, let me help you, by you helping me by sending me asks.
I’m taking an OD of my saved up kpins here once I get one more from my nighttime meds at 11pm. I won’t take all the ones I have saved back though.