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ohhmyheart5678 · 2 years

Text

If only

Word count: 2.2k

Pairing: jisung x female reader

Genre: fluff x angst

Tw: loneliness

Description:

Jisung runs into his ex girlfriend in a cafe and he realized how much unfinished business you guys needed to settle. Some that you both had been holding onto for years.

*****

A shroud of misery was the best way to describe the evening. It’s been a long time since it had rained like this in South Korea. Jisung just wanted to find a place to get dry and warm quickly. He didn’t expect the night to take a turn. He was already having a really interesting day. The kindve of day where you honestly just want to go home from all the strange events. The sasengs , the music he recorded deleting somehow and having to start from scratch, and the indescribable feeling of loneliness which was weird because he was in a group that consisted of seven other boys. On top of that the van broke down so the boys had to wait for someone to come get them.

Gripping his green umbrella tightly, he searched for a nice coffee shop to grab some drinks for the boys. Even though he wasn’t in the best mood Jisung was always thinking of others. Which was crazy because he was literally just thinking about you. He was always thinking about you , but still. It had been years, you would’ve thought he moved on by now but he couldn’t help himself. “That would be 98551, 36 won” the the light orange haired lady behind the cash register says.

She looked tired, like she hadn’t been resting well. Han politely hands her the money. He puts a generous tip in the tip jar just because he understood how she felt in some way. He was hoping that maybe if he wasn’t in the best mood, that he could at least cheer someone else up. “thank you!” the lady says and the brown haired boy just hummed in response. Wiping away the strand of hair that was in his eye he turned around to get out of line. What caught his attention wasn’t the man that was next in line but rather the woman behind that man.

He stops in his tracks when he just so happened to see a familiar face. The man stares at you for a few moments. He wasn’t a hundred percent sure that this was reality anymore. Looking at your features, he thinks about how you were just as beautiful as he remembered. Maybe even more so now. This time you had a certain glow about you. With you looking down you didn’t even notice the man that was literally standing in front of you staring.

You were too into whatever was on your phone to realize. Until finally you felt the sudden urge to look up. “Jisung?” You blink in disbelief. “Y/n! It’s been forever” he responds. “Yeah, it’s been like three years! How have you been?” You were still slightly in shock. Unlike jisung you were having a great day. Today just seemed exceptional. You had a spa day, had a wonderful lunch with your mom and older sister, and walking past the coffee shop something told you to stop by even though you weren’t necessarily the biggest fan of coffee yourself. Seeing Jisung was the cherry on top to your day. There were no hard feelings. You two were just happy to see one another.

“I’ve been great!” Jisung lied. The truth is he had been extremely stressed lately, but he this was the first time he had seen you in a long time. He didn’t want to dump anything on you, but you were always able to read han like a book. “You’re lying” you gave him a sympathetic smile. “Find a table and I’ll meet you there. We can catch up. I’m sure we have so much to tell eachother” You say placing your hand gently on his shoulder to comfort him. Jisung nods “I’ll find a table next to the window” he says. He remembered that you only liked window seats. You smiled as you watch him find a good seat for the both of you. He wanted to make sure he found the perfect spot for you.

The brown haired boy waited nervously by the windows. His leg was shaking uncontrollably, he knew that you guys never had closure and the way you ended wasn’t necessarily the best. You sat down slowly with your hot chocolate in both of your hands. Jisung didn’t have to ask to know that the drink you purchased wasn’t coffee. Coffee just wasn’t your cup of tea. You guys sat there in silence for a while. Just soaking up each other’s company. It had been way too long in your opinion since you’ve seen eachother. Way longer than you had liked. Not having seen eachother since the breakup. You were looking at him almost as if this was for sure the last time you would ever see eachother again. It almost freaked him out.

Right before the squirrel like boy could talk you spoke up, breaking the silence. “I’ve seen the group is doing well. How are the boys?” Although You missed him the most you had to admit you always thought about the boys. You missed the brotherly love they gave you. They were all always so welcoming and made you feel like family. “They’ve been great although Hyunjin recently just hurt his hand on tour.” He clears his throat. “I heard about that. I hope the injury wasn’t too serious.” You say, your eyes were filled with genuine concern. No one knew this but you kept up with every song, every music video, every interview. You watched the headlines and cheered for them for every award they won at every award show. “Jeongin is twenty one now so he’s no longer a baby anymore” he nervously laughed, furthering the small talk.

You gasped in disbelief “Wow! that just means we’re getting old as hell” you teased. You guys sat again in silence, but this time was more awkward then the first. Both of you had so much to say but didn’t know where to start. This time jisung broke the silence. He couldn’t take the lingering tension anymore. He needed to adress the elephant in the room, to get everything off his chest once in for all. Before it was too late. “Hey look, I know we ended on bad terms. Most of that being my fault.” He began.

You sat there and listened quietly. You knew he needed this. You wouldn’t dare interrupt him. “I’m sorry for the things that I said that night. I didn’t mean it. You were never a burden. In fact you were my only inspiration. You still are. You made me feel loved truly. I apologize for not being there for you like you were there for me. Because of that there was so much you had to endure by yourself. You were suffering alone. I didn’t know how to help myself and pick myself up because I was going through such a hard time. So I couldn’t be there for you in the way you needed me to. Even so, you were the reason I was able to keep going. You made my heart feel full whenever I was able to be around you. So I was able to love you with everything I had. Your love has taught me so much. I appreciate you for showing me how to love. To able to experience your love was truly a gift. Thank you, y/n” he exhaled. Both of your guy’s eyes began to water.

A singular tear rolled down your face as you took every word in. You realized it was your turn to talk. “I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend. We both said things we didn’t mean that day. Things we’ve regretted. Even though I did feel lonely, there were times when the thought of you helped me not feel so alone anymore.” You smiled as another tear rolled down your cheek. You quickly wipe it away. “When you were there, you were present. Something no other person had given me growing up. You have a way of loving so much and so hard that even when you leave that love lingers. We helped eachother through the hardest times of our lives. Pushing one another to be the best we could be. A lot of my best memories were with you. You’ve taught me so much as well. Thank you Jisung for being my first love. Because of how wonderful your love was, it was able to carry on and now I can show others the love that you have showed me.” You smiled reaching over you grab his hand.

Jisung smiled back. Looking down at your hand on top oh his he realized the ring on your finger. You were married. His eyes widened at the thought and soon he realized that you were also pregnant. He didn’t know how he didn’t recognize these things before. He had realized your pregnancy was the reason for the glow you had. “How far along are you?” He notions his head toward you but at the same time looking at your stomach. This notion made you look at your stomach in return. “Five months. This is actually baby number two.” you smile and he smiles back. You guys sit in silence one last time but this time both of you were content.

The boy had gotten so comfortable he had forgotten what he came there for. “Number ninety three” the barista called out which snapped him back to reality. “That’s me” he says slowly getting up from the table. “Would you like cup holders?” The barista asked and Jisung hummed in response. Once he had put the green umbrella under his arm and he finally was able to collect all the drinks for his members. The boy had then realized you were standing behind him. “I’ll walk you out” you give a soft smile and you two head toward the door.

Once you two got outside Jisung stopped to face you. He was worried about you standing there all by yourself at night. He had hoped you didn’t have to walk home. “How will you be getting home?” He questioned which brought another smile to your face. He was still as sweet as you remembered . “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine” you say before pointing across the street. Jisung whips his head around to see what you were pointing at. What he saw was what he presumed to be your husband and your first child waving at you.

Han gives another content smile. “Then I guess I’ll get going then.” He says holding up the hot cups of coffee. “I should get this to the boys before it gets cold.” You laugh at him. “Tell them I said hi and that I miss them” you slightly yell as you walk backwards to cross the street , waving him down. You began to turn around when jisung shouts out to you again. “Y/n” you turn right back around but this time you had officially made it across the street. You were standing next to your family and they were waiting on you. “Thank you again… for everything!” He says. You flash him a smile so bright that your eyes almost disappear and your nose to scrunch. You were always known for that smile. “Thank you Han Jisung” you gave him one last wave before you turned back around.

Your husband grabs your hand and you walk down the street. Jisung watched until you guys were out of sight before he headed back to the boys and once he did arrive he saw that the van had started back up and the headlights turned on with his arrival. With all the members inside. Changbin opens the door for him. “Where have you been. The car had started ages ago!” Seungmin states after Jisung had finally taken his seat. Chan had began to pass the drinks out after taking it out of Jisung’s hands. “Sorry guys! They took forever in there. Plus I ran into an old friend” Han takes a sip of his drink as he watched the boys eyebrows furrow trying to figure out he could possbily be talking about. “And who might that be?” Jeongin asks.

He was just asking the question everyone wanted to know anyways. “Y/n” Jisung simply says before taking another sip of his coffee. “Y/n?! How is she?” Felix quizzed making the whole car sit there and quietly listen, anticipating the answer. “She’s great, she’s married now with two kids. Well, one and a half. Also she told me to tell you all that she missed you guys” Jisung puts on his seatbelt waiting for the driver to finally take off. The members began to shower him with questions. A lot of them he didn’t really have the answer to. As he sat there letting the boys get the questioning out their system he couldn’t help but wonder. What if he hadn’t broken it off with you?

Would that have been his life? Jisung shakes his head to push the thought away. He would never really know the answer to that. Plus you two had finally gotten the closure that you guys needed. Because of that Jisung had realized that maybe today wasn’t as miserable as he originally thought.

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