The Bi Assassin

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omni-unicorn21 hours agoText


The Avengers playing Among Us!:

Steve: Doesn鈥檛 know what the hell he鈥檚 doing. Wanders around aimlessly.

Natasha: When Natasha becomes the Imposter, she kills everyone in literally 10 seconds or less.

Bruce: Completes his tasks efficiently and always vouches for people.

Clint: He likes to rat people out and frame people for no reason at all.

Tony: He鈥檚 so chaotic. Tony runs around and does nothing; he鈥檚 too lazy to do his tasks.

Thor: He has trouble entering the game. Thor is the first to be killed because he stands still.

Peter: He started this madness.

I just love this so much

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omni-unicorna month agoText

How the avengers react when you need their help

Steve -

Y/N : i need your help

Steve : tell me you didnt do something illegal

Y/n :

Steve : why am i friends with you

Tony -

Y/n : i need your help

Tony : i’ll contact my lawyers

Bruce -

Y/n : i need your help

Bruce : it better be a medical thing

Y/n : more of a illegal thing

Bruce - goddammit y/n

Clint -

Y/n : i need your help

Clint : talk to natasha to astablish an alibi and i’ll hide the body

Natasha -

Y/n : i need your help

Natasha : who do i need to kill

Thor -

Y/n : i need your help

Thor : what is the matter friend

Y/n : i may have done something illegal

Thor : i have many warrior frie ds that will glady help fight for your honor and freedom

Y/n : ok

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omni-unicorna month agoText

Steve : why are we here

Nat : i’m not sure

*doors lock*

Tony : whats going on

Peter dropping down off the ceiling : now that i have you all here…

Peter opening powerpoint : this is why i should be allowed to get a puppy

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omni-unicorna month agoText

More things heard around the compound


Clint get of the frige -steve

I stole caps shield - Tony running through the compound

Give me back my shield - steve 10 mins later

If ever in doubt think,what would coulson say - clint

He would say no - natasha

Thats not the point - clint

Murder is never the answer - steve to peter

He’s right pete, its the question and the answer is always yes- natasha

Bucky, stop detaching your arm to grab things out of reach, its creepy - clint

NO - clint because bucky patted him on the head with his detached arm

I have a 5 star island bitches - bucky

Well at least i have both arms - clint

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omni-unicorna month agoText


Sam: I wish more foods were named in the same vein as 鈥淚 Can鈥檛 Believe It鈥檚 Not Butter鈥.聽

Steve: You鈥檝e Got To Be Pulling My Leg, THIS Is Ranch?!聽

Clint: Shut The Fuck Up, Are You Telling Me This Shit Is Ketchup?聽

Nat: I Firmly Believe This Is Not Mustard And I Am Horribly Wrong.聽

Thor: I Refused To Believe That This Condiment Was Barbecue Sauce, And I Have Been Summarily Flayed For My Apostasy.聽

Bruce: I Assigned Negligible Probability To This Being Chili Sauce And Have Since Updated.

Tony: In Which Your Humble Narrator Assumed That The Substance Within This Container Was Not Worcestershire Sauce Only To Be Rudely Awakened From This Delusion By Mysterious Circumstances.聽

Rhodey: So I Figured This Was Jam But Boy Howdy Was I Jumping To Some Erroneous Goddamn Conclusions.

Bucky: This Not Soup.

Peter: Breadn鈥檛.

This is so in character, it’s amazing

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omni-unicorna month agoPhoto



#so I watched the avengers for the 5,000,000th time today

#and I鈥檓聽still聽noticing shit that I didn鈥檛 see before.

#THIS SCENE #tony isn鈥檛 just making a joke about bruce letting off steam #he鈥檚 purposefully getting fury鈥檚 attention #because fury is like ADVANCING ON BRUCE #and tony doesn鈥檛 want him to get overwhelmed #in the third gif tony sees fury walking towards bruce with an attitude #and tony is all 鈥極H HELL NO鈥 #and then he鈥檚 all 鈥榟ey bitch over here鈥 #and he starts messing with cap #but he doesn鈥檛 even look at cap when he鈥檚 talking #he鈥檚 just looking at fury with his chin up #all defiant and shit #and then fury stops walking toward bruce #tony has achieved his goal #so he looks at bruce #and he鈥檚 like #it鈥檚 okay #i鈥檝e got your back #i won鈥檛 let him hurt you #and btw #that joke about letting off steam? #it really聽is聽okay to get angry sometimes #ily man

#tony was just picking a fight to get the attention off bruce

#that smile in the last gif honestly breaks my heart

#this is not okay guys.

I can鈥檛 stop thinking about it now

This post lives in my head rent free and i’m not sure if i like it

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omni-unicorna month agoText

Things heard around the compound

  • Peter get of the ceiling
  • Clint give it back
  • Natasha put down the knives
  • Wanda stop using your piwers to steal the TV remotes
  • Who needs sleep when you have coffee
  • Who ate the last pop tart
  • Dont you dare clint - usually followed by clint running away from Natasha crying
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omni-unicorna month agoText


Characters: Natasha Romanoff X Daughter!Reader

Universe:Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: None


-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 She kept you away from her work for a long time.

-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 You only figured out she was Black Widow when you answered the door to Captain America.

-聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽聽 鈥淢om who did you kill?鈥 鈥淣o one, why?鈥 鈥淐aptain America鈥檚 at the door.鈥 鈥淣at since when did you have a kid?鈥 鈥淪hut it Freedom.鈥 鈥淵/N, be nice.鈥

Keep reading

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omni-unicorna month agoText


Once a month Natasha, Wanda and Bucky get together and gossip about the other avengers and whats been going on at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters

Clint and Tony know about this because they once walked in on them drinking vodka out of wine glasses (because their classy AF) and speaking russian. They still say its one of the scariest things they’ve ever seen

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omni-unicorna month agoText

Steve : ok so this is going to be awkward but could i please have my stuff back

Museum curator : uh… your stuff ?

Steve : yeah the stuff on display

Museum curator : oh, uh that stuff…

Steve : yeah, not all of it just a few things

Museum curator : sure, just name it

Steve : my sketchbooks, a few personal items and the blue blanket

Cuts to steve carrying a box of things through a museum, smiling

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omni-unicorna month agoText

Tony : bruce…bruce…bruce…wake up

Bruce :

Tony : bruce…bruce…bruce

Bruce :

Tony : brucie…brucie…brucie bear

Bruce :

Tony : bruce banner o’ light of my life, wake up

Bruce : what Tony

Tony : i’m going to get a glass of water

Bruce : you woke me up to tell me that…

Tony : yeah… ?

Bruce : goodnight tony

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omni-unicorn2 months agoText

Natasha understands Bucky, so when they aren’t feeling too good about their past Natasha teaches Bucky how to braid hair, Bucky teaches her how to dance like he used to when he was younger, they battle cupcake recipes together (and make a huge mess) they wear the softest clothes they can find and wrap themselves in big blankets whilst watching “classics”

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