oneleggedflamingo

[oneleggedflamingo]

Girls will be like “oh I’m just running quick some errands” and then spend all day in the wetlands appreciating the unique flora and fauna

[oneleggedflamingo]

❤️🧡🤍🩷 HAPPY LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK ❤️🧡🤍🩷

[oneleggedflamingo]

Anastasia Trusova, “And the sunset came” Acrylic on canvas / 60 x 80 cm / 2022

[oneleggedflamingo]

do you ever look at Successful™ people your age and feel like you’re just floating your way thru life like a very bewildered and directionless bumblebee

[oneleggedflamingo]

#Insp

[oneleggedflamingo]

today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.

but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.

the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.

#Insp

[oneleggedflamingo]

today I learned that in 2008, the city council of florence overturned dante’s sentence of execution if he returned from exile. yes, dante’s inferno dante, who died in 1321.

but the funniest part of this is not that they were debating the exile of a man who has been dead for over 500 years.

the funniest part is that the vote was 19-5. five people voted to uphold dante’s exile.

[oneleggedflamingo]

the fact that we need 8 hours of sleep is ridiculous we should only need 4 and the other 4 should be used to be cozy in your bed and rub your legs together like a cricket and listen to music and think about your little scenarios

[oneleggedflamingo]

gay new yorker. faggot about it!

[oneleggedflamingo]

who am i if not a guy who wears the same stupid little necklace. All the time.

#I have one neclase that I wear ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY if I have forgotten to put it on it means shit has been hitting the fan and I am busy #And then I have a capsule neclase that I keep my promises in #I often keep it in my pant pocket

[oneleggedflamingo]

I think the most fun part of monsters inc is boo calling sulley “kitty” and mike wazowski by full government name

[oneleggedflamingo]

Yeah quiet quitting is great and all but have you tried chaotic working?

Like. I remember back in my grocery store cashier days I did so much crazy shit.

When WIC (Women, infants, and children voucher program to help low income mothers/families with children) people were in my line I would pretty much know who they were. Before the cards they had to tell us upfront they were WIC and show us their vouchers for what they were allowed to get (it was awful some times. Like. 2 gallons of milk. $4 worth of vegetables etc etc). They’d always have items hanging back, waiting to see what the total was and if they would have to take it off the belt.

I began to place the fruits/vegetables a certain way on the register scale so that like 1/2lbs of grapes read as like .28lbs or something. Then act shocked when I said that they still had X amount of lbs left. They got all their fruit and vegetables.

I think it started to kinda? Catch on to the women? Because I would have the same moms in my line month after month. And even after they switched to the cards (they worked like food stamp cards?) I’d still do the same thing. They were able to get more produce for whatever shitty max amount Indiana gave them.

Anyways. Be chaotic. It’s more fun that way.

[oneleggedflamingo]

[oneleggedflamingo]

1, 9, 13, 14

Heyy, thanks for asking. :D

1 what song makes you feel better?

Rosenrot from rammstein, Till's voice is really calming

9. what calms you down?

Same as above.

13 what’s your comfort food?

Chili con carne

14 favorite feel-good show?

Adventure Time or MythBusters. Also Last of the Summer Wine and Keeping up appearances.

#asks

[oneleggedflamingo]

you know how some people go to parties and befriend the pets there like the dogs & cats? whenever i go to social functions i somehow end up randomly in charge of children. i don’t know how it happens. people are always just foisting children off on me in public places.

and the thing is it never stops at one child, because once you have one with you, another child approaches, and then parents start to think you’re perhaps some sort of hired childcare at the function and they don’t ask you. more children appear whose parents pointed at you and the other children and said, “oh look! that’s where all the kids are! go over there!”

I was at a work picnic once and a man from another department asked me to hold his 5-month-old while he filled up his plate. Then he got distracted talking to friends and didn’t come back for thirty minutes. I stood there with this baby whose name I actually didn’t know, chit-chatting a meeting new colleagues, and everyone assumed it was my baby and kept asking about him and what was I supposed to do? Say, “oh this isn’t mine” ?? Because then they’d ask whose it was and we actually hadn’t exchanged names. So then what would I say, “I don’t know” ??????????

I started wondering if I needed to make up a fake backstory for this baby.

The baby’s MOM eventually showed up looking for her husband, saw me, and said, far more pleasantly than she needed to, “hi! You seem to have my baby????”

I was just like, “indeed. so I do.”

I once volunteered to run the bubble table at a local festival. The point was to come get bubble wands & soap to use around the festival, but people just started sending their children over en masse. The festival ended, and I still had like 17 unattended children. I needed to go home.

I had no idea what to do. I needed to find an event organizer but I couldn’t leave them alone? So I started walking around the festival with a line of hand-holding children to find an authority I could give them away to like some sort of reverse Pied Piper

once I ended up in charge of a 3 year old at a funeral and she realized what death was and that she was going to die one day. I was holding her & she was crying while I was desperately trying to locate her parents.

Idk where I’m going with this.

I need to find a way to seem less approachable so no more strange toddlers have mortality crises in my arms.

[oneleggedflamingo]

Art by @levysfriends

[oneleggedflamingo]

Me: *to my therapist* I had the spoons, so I did heaps of stuff and now I'm so exhausted I feel sick.

My Therapist: This is where you got to treat spoons like cash. Just because you have them, you need to figure out if you have enough to spend, or else you're going to be in debt. Remember, you're autistic, so you regain those spoons slowly and use them quickly. Everything, good and bad, uses that cash for you. You may enjoy the activity but it's going to exhaust you just as much as a bad activity if you're not careful.

Me: Goddamnit....