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overthinking-american-teenager · 6 months

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There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you

#maya angelou

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overthinking-american-teenager · 6 months

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Atom Bomb

30 minutes. Thirty. Ten minutes, three times. 1,800 seconds. That was all that we had left, he had left, I had left. Life and death are morbid, it’s a given, but knowing exactly when you are going to die? That is what true, disturbing, morbidness stems from.

Chris keeps pacing. His boots make a dull thump against the steel floor. He keeps trying to think of a way to save us, save me. Like a true gentleman, I roll my eyes at the thought. I admire the fact that he is resilient in not giving in, holding onto the last strand of hope that we have, even if it only exists in his imagination. He stops pacing and walks to his computer, types away at the keys, and waits a few moments until his head dips in disappointment. I keep my composure calm. For him, I tell myself. But watching him is agony. The thought that he will be dead in twenty-eight minutes… I can’t bear the thought of it.

I break his pacing silence with my voice, beckoning him towards me. I sit with my back against the wall of windows, looking in on the cold metal room. The sight is bleak and depressing, but I don’t want to see it when it happens, I don’t want to have to anticipate the timing of something I would be able to see.

I hold out my hand as if to say to him come to me, love. His head drops in defeat and I see a single tear run down his face. I start to cry, silently but steadily. He takes my hand, but instead of sitting down next to me, he pulls me off the ground and into his arms. His embrace engulfs me, and I realize that this is him saying goodbye to me, the feel of me, the smell of my perfume, the weight of my arms around his shoulders, the lightness of my hair against his cheek as his face pushes into my neck. His tears wet my skin as he starts to sob. I dig my fingers into his back, scared that if I let go, I might never get to hold him again. I pull away slightly but still hold onto him as I lead him towards the ground.

We sit, backs against the window in each other’s embrace. A tangle of limbs, tired and exhausted from days of no sleep. We tried to stop it. That’s what I tell myself as I run my fingers through Chris’s hair. But we failed. And now us and the rest of our people will be dead in less than twenty minutes. That’s when the bombs will drop. Only that we know when its supposed to happen, the rest of our people don’t.

Fifteen

Ten

Six

Five

Four

Three

Two

The noise is what I heard first, I push myself closer to Chris as he kisses the top of my head, his arms tightening around me. Then the heat and staleness of the air.

“I love-

The End

#atomic bomb #overthinkingamericanteenager #teen #romance #last kiss

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overthinking-american-teenager · 6 months

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There’s this grief low in my belly, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. I’m being hit from all different directions and losing pieces of myself in the process. Am I mourning my losses or the loss of myself?

#grief #mourning #pain #overthinkingamericanteenager #teen #teenager

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overthinking-american-teenager · 6 months

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I’ve never felt more out of control in my entire life. My dad is in the hospital, my job is on the line, I’m stuck spending time with the person I hate most in this world, and my life as I know it is crumbling around me. How do I fix this? Is this even fixable? I’m surrounded my people but feel so alone. I just want my dad back.

#overthinkingamericanteenager #teenager #lonely #alone with my thoughts #feeling alone #out of control

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overthinking-american-teenager · 10 months

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My God is a Sadist

He is dying.

I am dying

Not physically

My soul

Perishing alongside him

It reminds me

Of three years ago

When my best friend died

I sat alone on my living room floor

And sobbed

Until my lungs gave out

And my voice went hoarse

I cursed God

I cursed his Angels

I cursed his actions

His lack of actions

I wanted to leave this Earth months ago

But I stayed

I stayed because he said it was a sin

And now he is punishing me

God is a sadist

Yet I still worship

Just in case

They were right

And we will all meet again in Heaven

In that case

My love

I will see you again.

#heaven #God #death #mourning #OverthinkingAmericanTeenager

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overthinking-american-teenager · 2 years

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" I can give you nice. I can give you better than nice. I can give you everything. You don't have to admit to yourself that you love me, Bee. God knows I love you enough for the both of us."

- Levi Ward from Love on the Brain by Ali Hazelwood

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overthinking-american-teenager · 3 years

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Part 2

I look down the silver chain around my neck, Aven's black ring dangles down the valley of my breasts. "One with my heart," He would say as he kissed me with a passion so fierce, it'd make the darkest monsters cower in fear.

I settle my gaze on the path in front of me, letting the warm memories of my mate drift to the back of my mind, making a note to come back to them later. With every step I take the grass and trees in my path whither and die. I will restore them later, but for now, a message is needed. Hell has come.

#teen #overthinkingamericanteenager #teenager #books #romance #wattpad #teen writer #american #oneshot #fae aesthetic #sexy #powerful

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overthinking-american-teenager · 3 years

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There were no guards along the roads leading to the compound. This would normally happen because of the low number of guards, but now, it's because they think I'm dead. I have one purpose today. Kill Deverine. Only then can I finally rest in the underworld with my mate. The mate she took from me...

Okay, so this little scene just popped I'm my head, and I'm gonna run with it. I have a few scenes planned out in my head.

#overthinkingamericanteenager #teen #teenager #books #romance #wattpad #teen writer #american #dark academia #acotar #fae aesthetic #oneshot

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overthinking-american-teenager · 3 years

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They Were Supposed to be Non-Addictive

I almost had a breakdown after I couldn’t find a bottle of muscle relaxers. I’m only seventeen, I’m a member of the National Honor Society and varsity swimmer. I’ve been accepted to all of the colleges I applied to and was offered generous financial aid for each acceptance. It’s not supposed to happen to me. They were supposed to be non-addictive, a safe alternative for a shoulder injury after my struggles with oxycodone after a surgery I had last year for a sports-related injury.

I’m supposed to be better, to not fall down the dark holes that they warn us about since the drug and alcohol classes they give us in the sixth grade. I’m not supposed to be like my mother, we are different. I made sure that we are different, but it seems that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.

I couldn’t find the bottle, I guess I used all of them up. They helped me sleep, even though they were just supposed to stop a muscle spasm in my shoulder. I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night, scared that some unknown force that no one else could see was trying to kill me. They took away my nightmares, my anxiety, my fear of being alone. They made me a ghost of myself, but for the first time in a while, I wasn’t haunted.

They always talk about addiction like it is horrible in all ways. Don’t get me wrong, it is, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, and heard it within my own thoughts. But, they always leave out the reason why people use in those powerpoints they show us in health class or the school assembly where the parent of a late heroin addict comes to talk to us. It numbs me to the void that is my mind. My mind, that should be perfectly healthy, but isn’t. When I was using the pills, the constant screaming in my head stopped. I was calm, I wasn’t frantic or agitated, I was normal for all intents and purposes.

And now, for the question that I face every day of my life. Why stop? The pills I was using didn’t hurt me, they didn’t poison my body, they weren’t illegal, hell, they were prescribed by my doctor. Three times. It wasn’t until I had to stop using them, that I noticed my dependence. Eight o’clock rolled around, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe or think right. I wanted them, but I didn’t need them for their purpose anymore, my shoulder was healed. It’s been months since I stopped, though one was taken occasionally after an all-nighter or particularly nasty anxiety attack. But I’m all out now. The prescription is done. No more pills for me.

I feel like crying again. They were supposed to be non-addictive, but here I am, writing about how much I want one of those tiny, orange pills.

#teenager #high school #nhs #addiction #teenadiction #non-addictive #lies #truth #studentathlete #senior #seventeen #OverthinkingAmericanTeenager #teen #teen writer

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overthinking-american-teenager · 3 years

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Crossfire - Chapter 8 (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/PympG1kTacb A George Weasley romance - a smexy George - a smart-ass American who had never heard of Hogwarts until she was horribly apparated there a week before her junior year starts - no battle of Hogwarts, thus Fred lives (you can thank me later) - and maybe a little spice, like I'm talking white people thinking salt is spicy spice. (My dad reads my stories)

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overthinking-american-teenager · 3 years

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Crossfire - Chapter 7 (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/P5Q3CFIN0bb A George Weasley romance - a smexy George - a smart-ass American who had never heard of Hogwarts until she was horribly apparated there a week before her junior year starts - no battle of Hogwarts, thus Fred lives (you can thank me later) - and maybe a little spice, like I'm talking white people thinking salt is spicy spice. (My dad reads my stories lol)

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overthinking-american-teenager · 3 years

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Grief is No Real Thing

Dark screams echo in the void of my mind.

Demons claw at the empty cavern of my chest.

The Dead grab my ankles as I walk; they tempt me.

The Ghosts of agony clutch at my throat

And the Whispers of misery force their way into my ears

And the internal Hell, burning its way through my body, brings choked tears to my eyes.

My screams are silenced behind a stoic face, as I stand above, staring down.

I curse the Heavens, but it seems that only the Devil can hear me now.

My own special, silent, torture.

They lied. Grief is no real thing.

You only feel the pain of the dead, as you die slowly from the inside out.

#grief #sorrow #loss #pain #teenager #teen writer #agony #silence #dark academia #OverthinkingAmericanTeenager

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overthinking-american-teenager · 4 years

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I just remembered him. I felt his death all over again. And I, myself want to wallow in agony, losing myself in the depths of hell all over again.

#teen #covid2020 #overthinkingamericanteenager #quarentine #teenager #poetry #death #grief #hell #pain #neverending agony

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overthinking-american-teenager · 4 years

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The Deity

The Deity of my being does not seep the sweet scent of life, but of fermented grains,

Produced by our modern world.

This Deity does not brush shoulders with the Gods,

But stumbles along blurred and unclear walls.

Welcomeness is an uncommon feeling in her touch.

Cold, brittle hands cause me to cringe away

Whilst my mind screams in agony for its maternal touch.

The Deity of my being does not care for my life. If so, she does not reveal it to me.

Caring more about the tidings of man than her own offspring.

Hooded eyes and a downturned mouth.

Beauty.

Once belonged, is so now gone

And I yearn.

And I pine.

And I beg.

Give me anything!

I pray she end my sufferings,

Even if done so in a lie.

Yet, the Deity has made her choice.

A choice that was not myself.

#teen #covid2020 #overthinkingamericanteenager #quarentine #teenager #poetry #action #amreading #mother #maternal #deities #deity worship #neglect

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overthinking-american-teenager · 4 years

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Hidden Suburbia

Somewhere on a corner suburban street,

Where the tulips regrow every spring

And children play amongst the creek.

Where the sunset spills onto the clouds that rest atop the hospital.

Where the elderly ride their bicycles in the early morning,

And the harmonizing birds nest upon the power lines.

Where everything is not pristine and perfect as it is on the outside.

Where neighborhood friends are abused, and addiction mocks families.

Where gangs slowly integrate young school children.

And drugs make their way into the hallways of our high-schools.

Where the broken are ridiculed with so-called privilege.

And child predators stalk the streets at night, thinking no-one is watching them.

Where minor city monarchies decide what is best for you, but only if you agree with their politics.

Where hidden racism plagues the minds of our youth,

And the screams of our neighbors keeps us up at night when they think no-one can hear them.

Where people's true identities are hidden behind brick walls.

And people question, why would you ever want to leave?

Where I am left to smile like nothing's wrong, damming myself to hell for keeping the dangerously false image of America alive.

And hidden suburbia was shown to the world

#teen #covid2020 #overthinkingamericanteenager #quarentine #teenager #poetry #poem #art #artists on tumblr #my art #poets on tumblr #poetic #poetsandwriters #my post #featured #poetscommunity #poeta #short poem #poema

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overthinking-american-teenager · 4 years

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Lightnin' Bug

The lightnin' bug gave borrowed life to the dim and dying street lamp.

While children rode underneath, cloaked by a smoke filled sky.

The world ends.

The city burns.

The hospital bustles.

The lightnin' bug dims.

The broken lamp now dead with no one to mend it.

Its been forgotten in an age of chaos.

I wept at the death outside my doorstep.

Another source of light left to die with only one to mourn.

the agony.

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overthinking-american-teenager · 4 years

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Week 2 day 2 of quarantine, 3-24-2020, 11:36 pm

"The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they don't wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did." -Jellal Fernandes

At this time in our lives, we're being pushed and attacked beyond our limits. my mental health still remains the priority for me, no matter what. And right now it is being attacked by unknown stressors and blatant anxieties. This came out of nowhere, wrecking all of our lives without our consent.

Now we're the damned.

Generation's lives marked and labeled as starting and ending points for mass tragedy. The elderly and hospital workers are suffering, but what about me? And don't you dare say that I'm being selfish, because for fucks sake, I'm only 16. The only environment that myself and countless others felt safe in was taken away. A sport that I love, that I just got back from a year long injury to play, has been taken away from me. I can't even move forward with planning my fucking future because college campuses are closed!

So, we know about self isolation and staying at home to protect the elderly and the hospital workers, but what about me? Where is my person designated solely for me on 6ABC, giving solutions to my growing list of problems! Where are the adults that are supposed to protect our adolescent minds now?

FUCKING HELL AMERICA, what about me?

-Leigh

#teenage #mental health #what about me #coronavirus #covidー19 #covid 19 #covid2020 #OverthinkingAmericanTeenager #teen problems

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