p3ngs-n3st

[p3ngs-n3st]

picture this:

you’re in a sauna.

suddenly, it feels way too hot in the sauna. so what do you do? you check the thermostat. the thermostat says that the sauna is the same temperature as it was before. everyone else in the sauna says the temperature is the same as before.

so why is it so hot?

so you stay seated in the sauna. everyone says its the same, and you know it should be the same, so you sit in the sauna. everyone’s having a good time in the sauna, but its still a bit too hot for you. but you can’t say anything, because its still the same as before.

now the sauna is too hot for you. it feels like your skin is burning. you check the temperature, you ask the people around you. the sauna is the same. now im tired, because i have to keep pretending the sauna is the same temperature but it’s really not. and its kind of showing but nobody’s saying anything because the sauna is still the same for them. its not?? why is nobody saying anything about the sauna becoming drastically warmer??

now you may ask: why don’t you just get out of the sauna?

seems really simple, isnt it? if the sauna is only too hot for you, then get out of the sauna. but you’ve been in the sauna for ages. the sauna is (was) comfortable. its not like you’ve been outside of the sauna. if i leave the sauna i leave everyone i know in the sauna. if i leave the sauna i lose everything.

so i’m stuck in a sauna.

#this isn’t about saunas #spilled ink

[p3ngs-n3st]

At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.

#there is no possible way this could get any better other than it getting longer #maybe into a tv show #i want to follow this cast of characters into their retirement homes #is pinot gay

[p3ngs-n3st]

Mourning yourself again?

[Characters from DOTF]

#oughhhOUGHHhhhhhhhh #im so in lvoe. never been this in lvoe before #thats a lie im in love every time velinxi posts #lord and saviour velinxi

[p3ngs-n3st]

When I was a kid like around 8 or 9 years old I had a crush on the digital clock in my bedroom but only when it was 10:30pm. I would be in bed and I'd wait for it to become 10:30 and then I'd image I was talking and flirting with it. The reason it was only at 10:30 was because at 10:30 it kind of looked like a face to me, the 1 was the mouth, the first 0 was the nose, the : were the eyes and the 3 were the ears. In my imagination he (the clock) was a pig. Idk why that's just what it looked like to me

I love you

#the real love stories are hidden behind societal expectations on who you should and shouldnt love #in this case anon and 10:30

[p3ngs-n3st]

Annabeth seeing the outside world for the first time in 5 years 🥺

#makes me so sick because all of this wouldve been completely avoided if athena just DIDNT THINK #like when has a problem ever been solved by not thinking #THIS ONE #THIS ONE RIGHT HERE #all of athenas children who stay full time in camp to hide from monsters wouldnt have to hide if ATHENA JUST KEPT HER BRAIN EMPTY #STOP THINKING OF THE HOT NERDS #YOURE ENDANGERING THE CHILDREN

[p3ngs-n3st]

swimsuits

#i love women

[p3ngs-n3st]

i wish things turned out differently. not in the way that i still want you in my life, but in the way that i hate looking at you like this. would it have been better if you stuck with me, or is it better that i have to see you like this? walking these hallways shows me the ghosts of what had been, what could have been. i do my work, i eat my food, i go to sleep. i think of you. i think of you so much that i dont think of you at all, at the back of my mind like the reminder to take my medication, the reminder to wake up and go to sleep. i wish things turned out differently, but i still don’t want you here in my life.

#spilled ink

[p3ngs-n3st]

My roommate is a bit weird (Just don't ask where the food came from)

Characters are from CTC

#Bad Apple But Played On A Velinxi Artwork

[p3ngs-n3st]

Hi I compiled all of my dvattra sketches into a zine. It's 62 pages of pure delusion and self indulgence, bon appetit.

[LINK]

#this one dvattra comic #like i dont touch overwatch but #only for velinxi

[p3ngs-n3st]

Happy holidays from Iris and Lillium!

[Characters from CTC]

#RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #THE LIGHTING THE VIBES THE EVERYTHING #I WANT TO BAKE THEM INTO LITTLE GINGERBREAD MEN AND MAKE GINGERBREAD HOUSES FOR THEM TO LIVE IN #AND SLOWLY EXPAND INTO A GINGERBREAD VILLAGE AND INTO A GINGERBREAD CIVILISATION #JUST SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE HAPPY

[p3ngs-n3st]

If I'm going to be parasocial here, back when those Jackbox streams were happening, you could tell which were a "content creator friend group" and who were actually friends when they weren't streaming. Like, you had one group that when it came time to write insults or jokes about someone would go with very "haha dicks and your mom" jokes and then you had SBI who would write the most custom tailored jokes about each other you had ever seen. You'd have Philza Minecraft calling Wilbur Soot a sad emo boy who does nothing but make pitiful guitar music and flop his hair over his eyes and then Wilbur would shoot back that Tommy had done nothing but call them repeatedly until everyone gave up fighting him and made his entire career out of being a mash up of Schlatt and Wilbu and Techno would rip apart anyone that tried to even APPROACH their dynamic while reminding the rest of SBI that they had been owned by him in every game or server they've ever done together.

Then they'd finish streaming and go play fucking Risk or something 10 hours like nothing had been said.

Like. I fucking miss SBI, man. There's a reason I think we all fixated on them during quarantine and it's because there was a genuineness to their friendship that others couldn't replicate. You knew it was a treat to see them on streams together because you knew they'd rather be offline doing stuff together than entertaining us.

#will never be able to get through the sbi monopoly stream without crying anymore

[p3ngs-n3st]

i have high frequency sensorineural hearing loss i think i have a pretty obvious choice here

#no but better ears would be so cool #after i lost part of my hearing i lost the ability to hear footsteps #also not constantly hearing static would be great

[p3ngs-n3st]

if a hamburger and a cheeseburger have a baby it most likely will have cheese on it because the cheese trait come from a dominant gene

#implies that a cheeseburger is heterozygous #and that a hamburger is homozygous recessive #so a homozygous dominant would just be a block of cheese?

[p3ngs-n3st]

when i was younger, i’d sync my footsteps with my sisters. stepping in time with them, with wider strides so i wouldn’t be left behind. i guess i thought it would be a point of connection, rather than contention. a thing in common with sisters born together, and a runt born after. i thought that we didnt have anything in common, me with the two of them. turns out i did. i was just too busy looking down that i wasn’t able to see them trying to match their pace to mine too.

#spilled ink #i want to go home but home is not my house

[p3ngs-n3st]

maybe i realised how much i didnt fit in with everyone when i was younger. maybe ive just realised it now. but sometimes it feels like i want to crawl out of my skin and live somewhere else, live in a dog or cat or a tree on the side of the road

it feels like im a stranger walking through my house and it feels like thats never going to be fixed. i feel like an other when im with my own family and its going to get worse and worse as i grow older

will i ever feel like i belong with the people who i am supposed to unquestioningly belong with? every stilted conversation and every dinner table i stand up from is an indication of the opposite. every text conversation where ive held myself back from saying anything, the things i try to hide because i dont know if it will make them love me less. or, even worse, love me differently

ever since i got diagnosed theyve all been so careful with me, like i’ll break at any time. but it feels like ive already been broken, and im trying to put myself back together while they still think i’m whole. i told my psychologist that i wanted to jump off a roof and to be honest that hasnt changed much but i say it has to make them feel better

i feel like i have something against getting better because i feel like this distance is justified if im broken. a broken toy can be put away from the others but not a fixed one. the fixed one is one of them, but also not, because every time you pick the fixed one up you fear it breaking again and the cycle continues

whats wrong with it if i stay in my room? if i stayed with you i wouldnt have anything to say, either. im a ghost living in my own house, a phantom you see hovering over the floorboards when the sun goes down. i settle for eating when i have to, drinking when i have to, and never leaving. my room is a museum of things that everyone else left behind, including me

#spilled ink #i made this a while back when i wasnt doing good. now i am