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how to grow the fuck up
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paintingwithdarkness · 3 months
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you know i don’t think we often talk about how difficult it actually is to suddenly realize that a belief you thought was good and moral and correct was actually really fucking toxic. how you have to look at something and go ‘oh shit, oh i fucked up. oh this is going to take probably years at minimum to deprogram from my brain because of all the little ways this shit pervaded the rest of my beliefs’
so. to all the people picking up all the pieces of a recently shattered world-view and trying to figure out what is safe to keep and what has to be thrown away and started over
to all the people having to relearn how to even listen to other people
to all the people putting in the work to do better while struggling with the guilt that comes from finding out you were the asshole
i’m proud of y’all.
it’s hard to admit being wrong and even harder to change in the aftermath. just keep doing the best you can and just know that the effort is appreciated. everyone can change. everyone can do better. keep fighting.
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paintingwithdarkness · 3 months
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Do you ever start writing something that you’re excited about and that seems like it’s turning out well and that you’re getting eager to share, and then you start typing it up or doing an edit pass and it’s just awful it’s awful its premise is fundamentally flawed and it’s out of character and the prose is clunky and the plot is badly paced and ludicrous and the whole thing is embarrassing, how could you have done this, how could you have sunk so much time into this, you can’t even look at it, how is this that shining thing you were so excited about, how could you even have considered finishing it let alone sharing it with anyone, you’re crying, your mother is crying, nuns are spontaneously exploding in the streets,
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paintingwithdarkness · 3 months
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To a homophobe, even the most chaste kiss on the cheek between gay people is exactly as disgusting and degenerate as a hardcore BDSM orgy hosted in the town square, so you may as well ally with the BDSM orgy enthusiasts to throw bricks at the cops who are going to try and arrest all of you together anyway.
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paintingwithdarkness · 3 months
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to all the bart hairstyles i've loved before,,
(step 0: be silly w/ it)
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paintingwithdarkness · 3 months
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art trade with @melonlthawne !!!! I hope you enjoy :)
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paintingwithdarkness · 4 months
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THE BOOK IS A GO!
Transgender History out 2025
Good morning—GOOD NEWS! Going on 2 years ago, I published my article in Scientific American about #transgenger + #hormone history 🗃️🧪🏳️‍⚧️. I finished the book in Oct, and my editor just wrote to say she loves it and it will publish next winter!
This book almost didn’t happen. It was so hard to write. It *hurt* to write. Watching the news and reading history, it felt the same—rise of fascism and attacks on minorities and LGBTQ. But it’s done, it is written.
THE INTERMEDIARIES tells the story of that science—itself often strange and remarkable—as well as the man, his band of revolutionaries, and the Institute for Sexual Science, both center of the homosexual and trans community and base of operations for the first LGBTQ rights movement of the 20th century.
Sexual and gender nonconformists, what Hirschfeld called the intermediaries, had a right to live, a right to thrive. They also had a right to joy. Science would lead the way, but this history unfolds as an interwar thriller—patients and physicians risking their lives to be seen and heard even as Hitler began his rise to power. They faced abuse, blackmail, and political machinations; they responded with secret publishing campaigns, leaflet drops, pro-homosexual propaganda, and alignments with rebel factions of Berlin’s literati. It’s a story about pioneers. And about hope.
And it all started here:
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paintingwithdarkness · 4 months
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everyone's masc til they have to put on the customer service voice
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paintingwithdarkness · 4 months
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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Fandom is so different now and it’s becoming un-fun with how quickly shit moves.
I just want to enjoy things. I don’t want to have to play a game of Artist-Race that seems to be afoot lately.
Ya’ll eat up fandoms, leave artists and writers bone dry and then move on so fucking quickly then fucking wonder where all the Good Fandom Stuff is.
Idk Maybe cherish some things for longer. Reblog stuff. Interact with people. Comment and share.
Fandom is Capitalism now and I’m not being nuanced.
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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looking for fics about your favorite character on ao3 be like:
dont care
dont care
dont care
what the actual fuck
dont care
ooh that sounds- what the fuck
unfinished
don't care
the best fic ive ever read in my life. this absolutely ruined me and ill never be the same ever again
dont care
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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The holidays can be scary, but it's going to be okay 💕
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Thanksgiving especially for real.
Also to add to it, you don't owe non-supportive family your time and energy, at all.
Be safe yall 💕
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.
i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.
i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.
spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.
sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.
i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?
do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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i just think that if you havent read impulse 1995 you are missing out horrendously
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paintingwithdarkness · 5 months
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My current plan to recover from my mental and emotional existence is to just go so deep into being insane that I'll come out sane on the other side. Being a chronic people pleaser plagued with impostor syndrome stretched me too thin, and that leash simply snapped and I am now a completely untethered, unapologetic vermin.
Fuck having impostor syndrome, if I'm not entitled to be here they should've barred the doors better. If I'm doing everything wrong because of imaginary rules that nobody told me about, that's their problem, you should have made your confusing system more idiot-proof.
I'm not here to please everyone and do everything right. I'm here to make bad art, chew on furniture, make people laugh, cook awful food and look at pretty landscapes, and piss off the people who don't want me to exist. If I have an unseen infinite debt somewhere that I can never pay back, I'm going to keep running that tab until I die. I'm alive purely because the universe is shit at pest control.
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