parkjiminiemouse - Tumblr blog

parkjiminiemouse · 11 months

Text

christmas kiss

eren jaeger x f!reader

in which you attend your fake boyfriend, eren’s, family christmas party

content: fluff, fake dating, little sister gabi, annoying older brother zeke, dead dad :0, drinking, eren calls you bunny unironically

You stand on the porch nervously, balancing the bowl of tiramisu in your hands. Breathe in and breathe out. You can do this. You’ve done it before and you can do it again.

You set the bowl on the side ledge, reaching down to readjust and fix your sister, Gabi’s, hair.

She had been jumping up and down in excitement since you invited her to come along, which led to her dress riding up and her hair sticking out of her braids.

At this moment, you realize this was probably the wrong outfit choice for her. You knew she could barely sit still for an hour at a time - you’d likely be fixing this outfit throughout the night. You readjust the collar, pushing her flyaways securely behind her ears.

The two of you had gone out to buy new outfits for the dinner, feeling the need to have you and Gabi looking your absolute best. You had gotten Gabi a simple black dress and braided her usually unruly hair back into two pigtail french braids. You’d even let her borrow some of your lipgloss for the occasion. You had opted for a deep red dress and chose to free your hair from the usual ponytail you sported.

“Are you nervous to meet Eren’s parents?”

You feel your fingers shaking as you tuck in her collar and her hair, which you’re sure was the dead giveaway. Are you nervous to meet Eren’s parents? Of course you are.

Eren Jaeger is your boyfriend. Your fake boyfriend, but that’s just semantics. What they don’t know can’t hurt them. He’s a full time Computer Science student, an intern at Fritz Technetics, and a straight menace on the soccer field. He’s been playing first string since your first semester of college.

For the past month and a half, the two of you had been parading around, going on fake-dates, and planting kisses on each other’s cheeks whenever you were in the vicinity of Jean and Mikasa. They were the reason you started fake dating in the first place.

Jean Kirschtein. Your best friend. Who you were hopelessly in love with. On the first day of your General Chemistry lecture, you sat next to Jean, who had seemingly forgotten his entire backpack for his first class of the day. He turned to you, a nervous look plastered on his place, begging for a pencil. Safe to say, you had been in love with him since then.

Mikasa Ackerman. She grew up with Eren, the two of them inseparable since they were younger. He thought that they had an unspoken agreement, that they were the only ones for each other. But she never truly reciprocated his feelings, which was made aware to him when she started dating Jean at the beginning of the quarter. He was heartbroken.

This led to you and Eren making a deal. You remember his green eyes staring into yours, convincing you to do it. Jealousy will have them running back. People want what they can’t have.

You and Eren shook on it, in the dead of night. You hate to say it, but it had actually been working, in the slightest of ways. You had definitely confused Jean, who suddenly became all too possessive of you, and Mikasa was all too intrigued to hear about the new girl Eren was seeing.

This dinner? The cherry on top. Every Christmas Eve, Eren’s parents invite a few of their close friends to dinner at their house. Mikasa’s family is always on the guest list. By extension, that means Jean would be here too, being her boyfriend and all. In lieu of that, Eren invited you and Gabi to attend, promising you that it was about to be the show of a lifetime.

But how do you tell your fake boyfriend you can’t come to his parents Christmas Eve dinner because you’re getting real feelings for him? You can’t. So you don’t. And you show up anyways, with a bowl of tiramisu, an overly eager little sister, and a stomach full of knots.

“A little bit, Gabs. Best behavior okay?”

She nods, using her hands to brush your flyaways behind your ears. You smile at the gesture and stand up to grab the bowl again. Your hands shake as you ring the doorbell, it chiming against the door.

A tall, blonde man opens the door. He’s wearing silver, circular glasses, and sporting a full grown beard on his face. At the sight of you, a grin spreads over his face.

“She’s here!” he screams in a sing-song voice, his voice echoing towards the kitchen, where a large amount of sound suddenly broke out. He pulls you and Gabi in from the cold, smiling brightly at the two of you.

“I’m Zeke. Eren’s brother.”

Eren had given you a brief rundown of everyone who would be in attendance at his dinner and had warned you about his half-brother. Apparently, Zeke loved to tease Eren, hence his excitement at your presence. You extend your free hand to him, returning his smile.

“Hi Zeke. I’m Y/N and this is my little sister Gabi.”

“No need to introduce yourself. We’d know who you were a mile away, Y/N.”

Zeke swiftly takes the bowl of tiramisu from your hands and bends down to Gabi’s height.

“I’ve got the perfect friend for you. Follow me. Eren’s in the kitchen with Carla, Y/N. Just through the hallway there.” he says, as he drags Gabi - and the bowl - away with him.

There goes your conversation starter for Eren’s mom. You take a few deep breaths, before slowly padding into the kitchen. Carla and Eren have their backs turned, too engrossed in their conversation and the dinner they were dishing out into platters.

You lightly knock on the wall next to you to signal your presence. Eren turns around first, a big smile spreading across his face at the sight of you. That smile would be the death of you.

He walks over to you, crushing you in a hug. His smell envelops you, his heart beating against your ear, his embrace warm.

“Hi bunny. I like your hair. Get in okay?”

You nod, giving him a weak smile. You ignore the pounding at your heart from the nickname and the fact that he noticed you changed your hair.

Eren’s mom pushes past him, it being her turn to crush you in a hug. She holds onto you for longer, her hand moving up and forth on your back.You make eye contact with Eren, who is trying his best to hide the smile on his face. She breaks apart, still holding you in her arms and smiling at you.

“I’m Carla, Y/N. I can’t tell you how nice it is to meet you. You’re absolutely beautiful.”

You can feel your face getting flushed, your cheeks a bright pink. You step back a little bit, nervous from their matching eyes boring into yours. Eren leans over, slinging his arm around his mom.

“Stop being weird, Ma. I told you she gets shy. You’re going to scare her away.”

You ignore Eren, squeezing her fingers that are still interlocked with yours.

“It’s so nice to meet you too, Mrs. Yeager. I brought a bowl of tiramisu but I’m not exactly sure where it went. Zeke took it from me when he let me in.”

Your brief response causes Eren and Carla to start talking over each other.

“What did that bloody monkey say to you-”

“Oh my goodness, you’re too sweet…”

“Did he say anything weird to you? I’ll kill him. And where’s Gabi?”

“And call me Carla. I’d love to hear all about you and Eren-”

You laugh at the two of them, the two of them stopping in their tracks. They both give each other a knowing look, before leading you into the kitchen. You have a feeling they do this all the time.

“Eren tells me you and your sister are really good at making gingerbread houses. I was hoping you guys would join our competition later.”

“We’d love to!”

Eren walks over, a few packaged items in his hands.

“Want to help me set up?”

You nod, the two of you setting the ingredients down and getting to work.

Carla smiles, not before giving the two of you another hug, and tuts away to the other side of the kitchen to finish dinner. You can feel your heart tingling and your hands shaking as you lay out the gingerbread cookies, the interaction you just had with Eren’s mom replaying in your mind.

“What’cha thinking, bunny? You’re shaking.”

You had mentioned to Eren that the holidays were an emotional time for you and Gabi. This time last year, your father had passed away in a car accident. Your families were very close, your parents being the best picture of co-parenting to exist, and the two of you took it pretty hard. You had been living with Gabi and her family since then.

“Your mom is so nice, Eren. For inviting us and telling me I look pretty and hugging me like that.”

He leans against the counter, looking over at you.

“Uh huh. She was super excited to have you come. Really.”

You smile. You crack open the box of chocolates, the two of you working in silence. Eren stays for a few minutes, your fingers brushing against each other, before attending to the door for the rest of the guests that were filing in.

He had been tasked with handing out the champagne to everyone as they got here. Well really, Zeke was supposed to do it but he was apparently too busy playing Mario Kart with Gabi and Falco.

You know some of the people coming based on the list Eren had told you beforehand, which eases the knots in your stomach a little bit. Eren’s family, obviously, was made up of his parents, Grisha and Carla, and his half-brother Zeke who you met earlier. His dad was going to be late from getting stuck with the night shift.

He had a cousin in town, Falco, who Eren said was likely with Gabi right now since they were the same age. The rest of his family had gone out of town and were unable to take him, hence his presence here.

Mikasa and her parents would be here as well, Jean being her plus one. The last people in attendance would be Armin and his parents. You had met Armin a few times, since he was Eren’s roommate and all.

As you set out the ingredients, Carla praised you for how wonderful they all looked. I mean, all you did was set out the cookies on a tray but she just couldn’t help it. Eren put his hand on Carla’s shoulders, dragging her away from you all while scolding her about how she was embarrassing him.

The fourteen of you settled around the Yeager’s grand dining table, you being nestled in between Gabi and Eren. You were right across from Jean, Mikasa, and Armin, who were all chatting amongst themselves.

Gabi had become good friends with Eren’s cousin, Falco. The two of them were currently playing a game that was lost to you entirely. You nudge Eren, signaling your head towards the two of them. He looks over and then returns your smile, getting the message you were hinting at.

The two of them had their fingers interlocked and were engaged in an all too serious staring contest. When you asked them why they had to hold hands to have a staring contest, they were too quick to let go, the tops of their ears pink.

Can she even like Falco if Eren is your boyfriend? Is that some weird incest thing? Well, Gabi is only your half-sister and Falco is really Zeke’s cousin and Zeke is only Eren’s half-brother.

And Eren isn’t your real boyfriend, so it doesn’t matter.

“You look beautiful, Y/N.”

You look up, totally caught off guard by Jean’s comment. Your eyes meet his, his gaze hazy and his cheeks a bright pink. You can tell he had a little too much to drink earlier, when Eren was handing out the champagne.

Instead of being flattered by the comment, your heart pounding in your chest, all you can do is turn to Eren, who has a very angry look plastered on his face. You reach for his hand under the table and squeeze twice, which seems to ease some of the annoyance off of him.

“Say, I like your dress too, little L/N.” says Jean, turning over to Gabi.

“My last name isn’t L/N. It’s Braun.”

“Oh, I thought you were sisters.”

“We are sisters.” you reply, a mere whisper breaking the silence. He doesn’t hear you, the confused look still on his face.

You can feel the pitcher you grabbed shaking in your hands, threatening to spill all over the table. The room was suddenly too hot, leaving you feeling like you were a fly under a lamp. Gabi’s your half-sister. You live with her because your dad died. Your dad is dead.

You’d actually spill the water on the table if it weren’t for Eren. He wordlessly took it from you, pouring it into your glass and placing it in your hand, which he made sure was steadied before letting go.

“Gabi is her half-sister. Y/N lives with them.”

The conversation you’re having is cut off by the sound of Carla, clinking her fork against the end of her glass. You all crane your heads towards her at the end of the table, as she glances over at all of you.

“It’s time to say grace. Whose turn is it?”

“Zeke.”

“No Dad, it’s Eren.”

“No, it’s Zeke. I said grace last year about how thankful I was that you were moving out for your remember.”

The four of them silence, turning their necks towards Zeke to say grace. He glares daggers at Eren, before joining hands with those around him. You look over at Gabi, interlocking your fingers with hers before doing the same with Eren. His hand is warm, his thumb rubbing circles against the back of your hand.

Your hands are shaking for some reason, your blood rushing too fast as it all happens. The room was warm, your dress was burning your skin, the quiet was too loud. You feel Eren squeeze your hand twice before shaking your head. You were okay. You just needed a second.

You flutter your eyes closed as Zeke starts saying grace.

“This year, forgive me for taking simple joys for granted. I’m thankful for parents who seeked me out and supported me, even if I wasn’t entirely their own, a brother who begrudgingly supported me like no other, and a family I’ve dreamed of keeping. What a blessing to be included at a table like this.”

Everyone releases their hands, their eyes fluttering open. You watch Mikasa and Jean’s eyes widen at the sight of you, feeling Eren and Gabi’s hands clasp in yours once again.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You look over, Eren’s green eyes filled with concern. It’s only when you reach up to touch your face that you feel the tears on your cheeks. You were crying. Zeke said grace and you literally started crying. You stand up, excusing yourself from the table as you tell them all to continue on without you.

You shut the door behind you, leaning against the white door. Your tears are still running and you thank that you decided to keep your makeup light tonight.

In all honesty, it was just too overwhelming. Jean and Mikasa. Falco holding hands with Gabi and Zeke saying grace and thanking his parents and Eren’s hand in yours.

Eren. You couldn’t be really falling for him could you? That crooked smile, big doe eyes, and that long brown hair. You couldn’t. You liked Jean. He liked Mikasa. And that was that. This was all fake.

So why did it feel too real all of a sudden?

As if you summoned him just by thinking about him, you can hear his knuckles knocking against the door, begging you to let him in.

“It’s open, ‘Ren.”

You hear him twist the lock, his eyes pinching at the sight of you sitting on the floor. He sits next to you, lacing his arm through yours. You let your head drop onto his shoulder, the tears falling out even more.

The two of you sit in silence, Eren’s head resting against yours. You can feel him fingers in your hair, the sensation soothing the pounding in your head.

“I’m sorry, Eren.”

“What for, bunny?” he’s whispering, his lips ghosting over the top of your hair.

“Crying. Getting up from the table. Embarrassing you in front of your mom and Mikasa.”

He freezes, his hold in your hair tightening.

“You don’t have to be sorry for any of those things. And nothing you do could embarrass me, especially to my mom. I’m sure if you flipped the table upside down and she would just praise you for how strong you were.”

You laugh, readjusting your head against his shoulder. He’s a little less tense, his hand hovering around to the side of your waist before he pulls you closer.

“Eren.”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I miss my dad.” you whisper.

At the sound of your words, he pulls you directly into his chest, nearly crushing you with his arms. His weight is heavy, but you can feel the pressure lightening in your chest. Eren’s warm. He smells good, he’s soft, and he/s warm. The two of you stay like that for a while, Eren’s arms around you.

“Feel better?”

You look up at him, giving him a smile through your teary eyes. You see his face visibly lighten at the sight of it. God, those eyes really were going to be the death of you.

“It feels…lighter, Eren. Thank you.”

The two of you stand up, reaching forward to fix each other’s clothes. Eren’s tie had been loosened, which you reached to fix. Your hair was all unkempt and your cheeks were still wet, which Eren fixed with his nimble fingers.

Eren brushes the last of the wetness of your cheeks but still holds your face in his hands. He looks down at you, your heart bursting in your chest. He’s breathing hard, his face so close you can feel it on your cheeks. He leans forward and his eyes flutter shut. You swear he’s about to kiss you. He’s going to kiss you for real. No Jean. No Mikasa. Just you and him.

The door slams open, Zeke standing at the door. You and him and Zeke. At the sight of you two, Eren’s hands still holding your face, your lips inches away from each other, you see a smirk grow across Zeke’s face.

“Can’t keep your hands off your bunny, can you?”

“I’ll make you regret the day you were born, Zeke.”

“Just wanted to check base, see if you guys were okay. Carla’s fretting over you as we speak Y/N. Clearly you’re doing just fine.”

You feel yourself pale at the thought, pushing past the two of them to re-enter the dining room. You can hear Eren and Zeke following, their whispers (yelling) right behind you.

“Dude, fuck you.”

“What, Eren?”

“You fucking cockblocked me.”

You smile at the words. So Eren did want to kiss you.

“She’s your girlfriend. You’re acting like you’ve never kissed gerbefore.”

“Fuck you. What if I really wanted to right then? You owe me, you goddamn monkey.”

The three of you settle back into the dining table, which you’re happy to see is still loud. Your absence didn’t cause too much of a damper, which was all but a relief to you.

Eren tucks you back into your chair and Gabi leans over and presses a soft kiss to your cheek. You don’t miss the non-discrete thumbs up Gabi and Eren give each other.

You turn to him, narrowing your eyes at him.

“What was that about?”

“Nothing. She was going to come after you, after you got up. Told her the boyfriends got it this time.”

You roll your eyes, trying your hardest not to smile at his words.

After dinner, Grisha - Eren’s dad - pulls out the camera to take pictures of each family. Apparently this is a tradition for the party, as they like to collect and frame the pictures along the years.

Armin goes first, his parents sweetly wrapping their arms around their only son. Mikasa’s family goes next, with Jean in tow, the four of them standing in a line with small smiles on all of their faces.

You walk forward, with Gabi’s hand in yours, to take a picture of just the two of you. You’re excited at the fact that the two of you would get a nice, professional looking picture together since you were all dressed up.

“Did you guys want one alone too?” asks Carla, running her fingers through the ends of her own hair, patting it down.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you not want us to take a picture?”

She smiles, pinching the sides of your cheeks.

“Of course I wanted you to take a picture! I just figured you would take it with our family!”

You pause, turning your head to Eren. You can’t take a picture with Eren and his family.

Was it bad that you…wanted to be in their picture? The five of them bore their eyes into yours, waiting for your response.

“Okay, yeah. Let’s do it.”

The five of them cheer, pulling you in front of the tree. Grisha and Carla sit in the middle, Gabi and Falco at their sides. You stand towards the back, Zeke on your left and Eren on your right. Eren slings his hands around your waist, his face a few inches from yours.

As Armin clicks the picture, you feel Zeke’s arm leave your shoulder, suddenly hanging above you. You and Eren look up at the same time, to find Zeke holding a bundle of mistletoe above the two of you.

You look over at Eren, who stares at you. He whispers, his hands locking with yours.

“Do you want to kiss me, bunny?”

Somehow, the question feels more serious than what it is. He’s simply asking you if you’re up to kissing him in front of his parents, a deal you made when you guys made your contract for fake-dating. Always ask for consent, even in public.

But it feels more serious than that, genuinely. His hands are shaking against yours, his eyes expectantly waiting for your response. LIke he’s waiting to jump, waiting for your call.

If he jumps, you’ll jump too.

“Yes.”

You see him smile, bigger than you ever had before, his hands circling around your waist as he presses his lips to yours. The kiss is warm and soft, a hint of the hot cocoa he drank earlier still ghosting on his plush lips. The two of you break apart, smiling at each other.

“You’re welcome, Eren.” deadpans Zeke, dropping the mistletoe and leaving the two of you by the tree.

You turn back to Eren, giving him a confused look.

“He owed me a favor. Cashed it in just now.”

Before you can respond, Carla and Grisha shove their arms around you, tears almost spilling out of Carla’s eyes.

“Oh I’m going to print this picture for your wedding.”

589 notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 11 months

Text

pretty girl ! eren jaeger

summary: [high school au] the school's biggest troublemaker has got his eye on the miss perfect of trost high school

➭ troublemaker! eren jaeger x fem! reader

➭ fluff, modern/high school au, kinda enemies to lovers? but bc i'm not much of a fan of that trope so it's more lovers than enemies if it's even enemies at all, also there's a little bit of angst and hurt/comfort

➭ warnings: foul language

( masterlist | requests )

There was this utterly riddiculous thing that teachers did. To seat the trouble making kids next to the calm ones. Up to this, your last year at trost high school, you had naively believed that this habit had ended in, like, middle school, and you had been really relieved back then to sit next to your friends in class for once. But your math teacher Mr. Ackerman had had other plans for you: in the beginning of the year, he had made you sit next to notorious class clown Eren Jaeger in math class, and now you had to deal with that- or, more correctly, with Eren.

And Eren- was a nightmare. He was always late and always loud. It amazed you how he was still able to pull through with fairly good grades, since he appereantly thought that building towers out of his pens, exchanging notes with his friends, playing table tennis against his books and covering the table with pencil drawings was more suited for him than following the teacher or the class. But what entertained Eren Jaeger the most, was to annoy you. And he couldn't get enough of it.

For example, he always tried to distract you from working. During class, he always leaned close to your ear and whispered an endless waterfall of words. You desperately tried to tune it out, something that was clearly amusing to Eren, but it was impossible. Also, he was always asking you questions. Not about the subject of the class, of course, but about you. It was extremely irritating when your more than six foot tall table neighbor was asking about your favorite icecream, season, baseball team, movies and shows, color, band and just about anything that came to his mind, out of pure devilish delight to see your face scrunch up, trying to solve a math problem with his annoying voice rambling next to you.

And when Mr. Ackerman called him out on it, he began asking you questions about the class, which was somehow even worse. You didn't have a reason not to answer them, and after all, maybe he really wanted to know, but he was asking them without a pause, amd they were always about stuff you'd done months ago.

When he was particularly bored, Eren began to play with your hair that you kept in a messy bun most of the time, though you liked to have some loose strands that he snatched, twirled around his fingers and sometimes tugged at when he wanted your attention. Sometimes he even took several at a time and braided them into mini braids some of your friends had already unknowingly complimented after class.

All of his incredibly annoying and absolutely not endearing antics had earned Eren a special place on your heart- on your black list. Someone simply bringing up his name made you internally roll your eyes. And maybe you were childish, but he was more childish! Unfortunately, not everyone shared your opinion on Eren. In fact, he was quite popular, celebrated by many of your class mates for being so 'cool' and 'hot'. They encouraged his demeanor and you were sure that they contributed a lot to his massive ego.

You could see why people, especially girls, liked him, you weren't blind. Eren was incredibly handsome, as not to say really hot with his shoulder length dark hair that seemed right out of a shampoo commercial. He kept it in a loose man bun most of the time and, with all your critique you had for him, you had to admit that the guy knew what was good for himself- at least look-wise. His height and muscular built only added to the image of a greek god, and Eren sure had style with his rings and earrings that complimented his skin tone, and undoubtedly the most green eyes in the whole wide world.

Aside from that, Eren also had his fair share of charisma, and the much hated goofy grins and flirtatious smirks did something to anyone he encountered.

Yes, Eren was hot, but no pretty face or well placed smile could make up for the annoying little monster lurking beneath the surface. It seemed to be his sole purpose in math class to- well, you didn't really know. Was it to annoy you because he despised you? Or was it only to distract himself because you were just another person he could use for his entertainment? No clue. But you hated to think too much about him.

➭

07:53 am. You mentally cursed yourself and lifted your head from your watch, otherwise you would've collided with the wall. Damn it! You were more than twenty minutes late! Out of breath, you sprinted down the corridor as you mentally panicked. You were never late. In fact, you hadn't been late since middle school when you had a rather formative experience with Mr. Shadis because of it, and now your blood ran cold at the memory. This was bad. A worst case scenario. Shit! The class had started twenty-five minutes ago and you almost stumbled over your own feet, trying to increase your pace.

With a little too much momentum, you ran around the corner and straight into an obstacle. You bounced off of it painfully and landed butt first on the ground. Even worse, you lost hold of your bagpack, and now books and pens were sprawled out on the floor. When you saw the shoes in front of you, you suddenly realized that you had run into a person. Jeez, how much bad luck could one have on just one morning?

"I'm so sorry," you apologised profusely and crawled around on the floor to collect your stuff, but your fingers trembled with stress. Oh god, now you would be even later to class! This couldn't be! And Mr. Ackerman surely wouldn't take it lightly, he was known to be strict, and what if this meant a repetition? What if he'd do what Mr. Shadis had done years ago? Shit, shit shit!

"Y/n?"

Your head shot up as you were met with the sight of those gorgerous annoying green eyes and raised eyebrows. It was Eren. Eren fucking Jaeger was the one you had run into, him of all people. You probably shouldn't be surprised, Eren was notorious at being late- other than you. Normally, you would've given him the cold shoulder or snapped at him for some dumb reason, but you were far too stressed to feel anything put panic and worry right now. Not sparing him another glance, you hurriedly proceeded to pack your things.

Eren was confused. On the one hand, you were late. You were never late, always already there when he arrived, so he didn't quite believe his eyes. But there was no doubt to it, there you were, crawling around on the floor and looking for books and pens as if your life depended on it, as if the devil was after you. And the most curious thing of all was: you weren't angry, you hadn't scolded him for standing in the way. You hadn't even acknowlegde his presence properly, or so it seemed. He didn't like it. And what were you so distressed about anyway? Your fucking fingers were trembling! Not only your fingers, but your bottom lip, too. Were you about to cry? Why, for fucks sake? Were you hurt?

This was one of the rare time you didn't act annoyed or resentful towards him, even though that was probably his fault. But why were you in such a state? Worried, he watched you grip tightly onto your backpack, your pretty little face filled with fear. "What's wrong, pretty girl?" he asked, sounding as casual and teasing as possible, even though the question was genuine.

Instantly, he knew something was very wrong, you didn't even react to the much hated nick name, and you didn't huff in annoyance or tell him to mind his own business, but actually answered his question. "I'm late!" you shrieked out of breath and you sounded as if you were announcing the end of the world. You were completely broken. So devastated, in fact, that you seemed to just forget the grudge you held against him.

"Ah," Eren said confused and continued to watch you as you were on the verge of tears. "So, you're just late"

"I've never been late!" you answered, causing Eren's eyes to widen and a chuckle to leave his lips. God, you were cute. What now, tease you or comfort you? Both choices were tempting. You were just so helpless right now. His year long crush on you told him to calm you down and help you, but the meaner part of him wanted to see you squirm a bit, just a little.

"Never? Like, never ever?" he asked, still teasing but you almost heard some genuine interest. You nodded and he laughed. "I knew you were a good girl but I didn't know you took it this far, jeez"

"Yeah, whatever," you sniffed, in fact at the verge of tears. But then, Eren did something you hadn't expected of him at all. Actually, you thought that he would just stand there, watch and enjoy your misery, all while making fun of you, but Eren actually crouched down in front of you, took your books out of your trembling hands and stuffed them into your backpack. Then, he helped you collect your pens. His hands were steady and calm and actually reliable, and even though he had teased you before, he seemed to genuinely intend to help you.

"What are you doing?" you asked, which was a really dumb question, but you weren't thinking very clearly right now.

"Being your knight in shining armor, pretty girl," Eren smirked, closed the zipper of your bagpack, threw it over his shoulder and pecked your cheek as he pulled you up. With his sleeve, he gently wiped away any signs of the tears you'd almost spilled, took your hand and then pulled you with him. When he suddenly began to run, you, still a bit dumbfounded from the kiss, stumbled a bit before adapting to his pace and let him pull you with him as he sprinted through the corridors. With an almost boyish smile, Eren turned his head at full speed to look at you. "It's time to make some memories!"

God, he really was fast! No wonder he was the star of the football team. With your shorter legs, it was quite difficult to keep up with him, but Eren happily dragged you along, still carrying your bag which didn't seem to bother him at all. Loose strands of his bun flew around his head and his eyes held a weird sort of determination. Still too shaken to complain, you watched him, because when you watched him, you didn't have to think about what might happen as soon as you set foot into the classroom.

All the snarky remarks and you couldn't help to be so thankful. If it hadn't been for him, you'd probably be crying in some corridor now. As you knew yourself, you would've probably just decided not to face the emberassement and quit on school altogether today, which would've been very bad since the next math exam was only a week away. If you looked at it that way, Eren really had been your knight in shining armor- not the one you would've hoped for, but he had seemed surprisingly genuine in his attempts to help you. Actually, he had been very kind. But why all of the sudden?

In no time, you reached the door to the class room and the anxiety kicked in again. Involuntarily, you clutched Eren's hand harder as you stared at the door in fear. What would Mr. Ackerman say? Would he reprimand you, expose you in front of your whole class? Eren looked down at you. Panic was written all over your features as you tightened your grip on his hand. But Eren left you no time to think about all the possible bad outcomes of this situation, he winked at you as if you were old friends and then knocked. The door opened.

When the two of you stepped in, you were met with Mr Ackermans sinister gaze. Clearly, he wasn't happy that you disturbed the class and you felt yourself shrink next to Eren under the glare he sent your way. "Morning," Eren said unbothered, not even explaining himself at this point.

Mr Ackerman glared at him angrily. "Is there a single cell in your body that gives a shit about anything at all, Jaeger? Or are you just a petty, attention hungry little child?"

Next to Eren, you panicked even further as you watched and listened Mr Ackerman scold him. Though Eren didn't seem particularly bothered. Contrary, he seemed to be pretty relaxed about the whole situation, in a strangely good mood actually. He was more of a grumpy guy mostly, but right now, he looked as if he was having fun. Not you though. The more you heard of Mr Ackerman's lecture, the more you wanted to turn around run out of the class room. Or jump out of the window. What would he say to you? How would he punish you? At this point, you'd be relieved if he'd just give you detention, as Eren was getting right now for not being on time for the whole month, and not say anything else. You'd take everything but public humiliation.

You felt sweat on your temple as the class looked at you- specifically your hand in Eren's, who let go of it quickly but waited for you, not yet taking his seat, even though the teacher had told him to. Maybe he could sense that you'd crack under pressure If he left you alone here.

"I'm sorry, sir," you heard yourself say and saw your middle schooler self before your eyes, saying the same thing. "My alarm didn't ring"

"Tch," said your teacher and you panicked internally, trying to appear composed. "It's fine, go to your seat"

A big, big, weight was lifted up from your chest at those words and you almost felt like laughing. Had he just let you off the hook? Really? Relief, sweet, sweet relief flooded through you and you felt like flying. All this worry... He hadn't said a single mean thing to you! You couldn't believe it! You were so happy, in fact, that you showed no reaction at all when Eren patted your back and you followed him to your seat where you quickly sat down to escape the stares of the bored students. Only then you remembered that Eren still had your bagpack, and you were already prepared for him making it a game for you to try and get it, but when you turned around, he simply handed it to you with the proud smile of someone who'd just won a competition.

That was, in fact, how Eren felt right now as you took your bagpack and even gave him a little smile. And there was his prize. A smile. You'd never smiled at him! But he loved it. It was like standing in the spotlight on a stage, and it made butterflies dance around in his stomach. Eren smiled back instantly, still enjoying the high he got from your smile, placed his head on the table to look up a you as loose strands of hair fell into his face and remarked jokingly: "What, you aren't angry at me? Guess you really were serious back there, huh?"

Something was different. The way he looked at you. First, you couldn't quite understand what it was, but then it struck you. Eren was smiling. Not smirking, not sarcastic, not scowling, he was smiling. A real, genuine smile that made his green eyes shine, that made your stomach twist and turn and heart skip a beat.

You noticed you were staring at him when he winked at you and you spun your head around so fast that your hair flew around your head and into your eyes. Emberrassed, you looked away from him as your cheeks grew hot. What had just happened? God, you bet you'd never hear the end of this!

Eren watched you curiously, your reddened cheeks that he could only make out when he leaned over the table. As he remembered the look in your eyes when he'd winked at you, he had to chuckle quietly.

"Watch out, I might still snap," you warned him without properly looking at him yet, trying to overplay your emberassement. It was the first time you'd joked around him and he wanted to cradle you up in his arms and tell you how great you were as he watched you from the table with a lovesick smile. In truth, Eren had had a crush on you for months, hence the reason he enjoyed bothering you so much, because he was, in fact, attention starved. He wanted your attention and your praise for carrying your books - he'd tried before, but you'd snapped at him - but he didn't know how to tell you, how to let you know he was serious, how to push his teasing troublemaker persona aside, so he just kinda did crap, just to get a little huff, a little scrunch of the eyebrow, a little side glance out of you. He wanted to prove to you that you couldn't just ignore him.

In his eyes, you were magnificent. Your intelligence, the fact that you were able to read people, that you weren't shallow at all and not afraid to show it, your kindness to others and the fact that you always hold your head high. He loved every single one of your mannerisms and it also helped that, to him, you were the prettiest girl at trost high school.

You sighed, knowing nothing of his train of thought that was all about you. "Thank you for carrying my books, and your help, I-" you stopped yourself, cleared your throat and got out your stuff for the lesson. Curious, Eren eyed you from the side, but he didn't ask further questions.

Something was different today. Eren was. You would've thought that he'd return to his old ways as soon as Mr Ackerman began to speak again, to annoy you, keep you from listening or doing the tasks the teacher gave you. But, surprisingly enough, he didn't. He was quiet. The whole time. Maybe he was dead. You glanced to the side, but there he was, alive and breathing. Still not paying attention to the class, but also not annoying you. What was going on? Was he sick? Was he okay? What was wrong with him? Why didn't he act like usual? Like he always did, every time you two had math together. But no.

When he realized you were looking at him, he glanced at you shortly and sent you a quick little smile before he focused back on fiddling with his jeans. Confused, you shook your head and turned your attention back to the teacher.

Halfway through the lesson, Eren took your left arm, and soon after, you felt the brush of a pen. He was drawing or writing on it. But he didn't say a thing, just quietly drawing on your left forearm. Out of fear he'd begin to talk again if you asked him about it, you stayed silent. It wasn't so bad. The pen tickled you lightly. Eren's warm hands sent tingles through your whole body and goosebumps appeared all over that arm. He had to have noticed it, but he didn't say anything. In your reflection in the glass of the window, you could see that he was bend over your arm, tongue sticking out of his lips in concentration. You tried not to get too caught up in the sight.

➭

"Now ... tell me," Ymir grinned and shoved an elbow into your side rather roughly. "What were you doing with Eren Jaeger, holding hands and missing out on class?" The two of you were walking down the hallway to get to the cafeteria after English class. The last time you'd seen Eren today was back in math class.

At the implication, your cheeks burned and you hit her back. "Oh shut up! It's not- it's wasn't like that"

"What's not like what?"

Both you and Ymir spun around to be met with the sight of Eren right behind you. You would've almost stumbled due to the shock and your clumsy turn, for the second time that day, if Ymir hadn't catched you. The tall girl glared at Eren who seemed a little nervous under her hostile stare. It was only then that you noticed the change in his expression. His dorky smirk had been replaced by a nervous grin- not much of a difference, one would say, but as someone who knew these smirks better than most, it catched your eye. Eren seemed more genuine as his eyes found your's helplessly.

"What do you want, Jaeger?" Ymir growled, making no effort to hide her hostility. You almost pitied Eren. Almost. The amusement overpowered it. Undoubtedly, you liked seeing Eren squirm a little.

"Uhm," Eren said, "Historia wants to see you. At the basketball field"

Ymir and you shared skeptical glances. True, Historia and Eren were loose friends, but why would she sent him and not just a message? "Are you sure Historia knows that she wants to see her?" you asked with a raised brow and a little grin on your lips.

You could see in Eren's face that you'd caught him, nontheless he feigned innocence and showed Ymir away from you gently and draping a hand around your waist. Ahh. Then, he even had the audacity to pat Ymir's shoulder. "Doesn't matter, she told me, you need to go now, love is great, get your girl"

Both Ymir and you were staring at him aghast. You were so perplexed about his weird behaviour that you didn't even think about getting out of his rather tight grasp, but you couldn't ignore the feeling of his waist rubbing yours and the warmth radiating from his body. Actually, his hoodie was pretty soft and cozy. No wonder he wore it so often, you just hoped he cleaned it regularly. Though he probably did since he smelled pretty good- well, normal. Very normal. God, what were you thinking about again?

"Also," Eren added when Ymir didn't walk away, "Reiner and his team are on the way to the field. If I were you, I'd go and mark my terretory, you know how he is."

Ymir scoffed at him, but she did turn around with one last look at you and left with a frown plastered all over her features. When she was out of earshot, you snorted amused. "'Mark my terretory?' You dog."

Jokingly, Eren bowed a little and lead you down the hallway. It was only then that you realized he still had his arm around your waist, so you tried to wiggle out of his grasp but to no avail, he was just too strong.

"Eren," you said annoyed.

"Hm?"

"Let me go, please"

Sighing, as if it caused him a lot of pain, he let go of you but didn't create any distance. Since you couldn't really think of a reason to push him away, you continued to walk by his side. At first, the silence was quite nice and you wondered if he'd gotten so little sleep last night that he just didn't have the energy to talk, but, after a few minutes, you felt the urge to start a conversation. Shyly, you glanced his way, unsure how to start one. Eren was looking straight ahead and you quickly did the same before you would begin to stare again. It was quite easy to get caught up in the sight.

"Historia didn't ask for Ymir," you said, more as a statement than a question, but, nontheless, he answered.

"No"

Biting down on your bottom lip, you studied his features. He seemed relaxed, cool, as always, but his left hand was fidgeting with his hoodie. This was one of the little things he did when he was nervous, and suddenly you wondered why you even knew that. Sure, you'd seen it somewhere, but why had you remembered it? Why had your mind decided that this was important information? And why on earth was Eren nervous? Since you didn't have an answer to these questions, you asked another one.

"Why did you lie to Ymir? Why do you want me alone?"

"Because I didn't take you as someone who'd like a threesome," Eren joked. You hit him with your bag and he raised his hands in surrender and defense. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry y/n! I was only joking. It was a - ow! - very, very dumb joke, I'm sorry!" Maybe his apology would've sounded a little more genuine if he hadn't been laughing, and even though you wanted to push him into the school pond, a little smile tugged at your lips, too.

Mercifully, you lowered your bag and glared at him, but when he smiled at you, it was hard not to smile back. Huffing, you surpressed it, but you couldn't do anything against the fact that your expression softened a little. What was wrong with you? What was wrong with him? Why were you both like this?

Eren's shoulder bumped into your's as you continued walking, causing you to look at him. He had his hand stretched out to you and, for a confused moment, you wondered if he wanted you to take it before he asked: "As an apology... do you want me to carry your bagpack for you?"

"Nah," you said and rolled your eyes at his disappointed expression.

"Come on, please," he begged and tugged at the strap over your shoulder and at the heartwrenching look in his eyes, you almost gave in.

"Why?" you asked as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Do you want to drown it in the school pond? Do you want to hide it somewhere? Do you want to set it on fire?"

"What're you thinking of me?" Eren exclaimed- he seemed surprisingly genuine. "I just wanna carry it for you"

Well, you may just test him now. For safety reasons, you took your phone, keys, wallet and earphones out of your bagpack and handed it to Eren skeptically. Delighted, Eren threw it over his shoulder and grinned at you. Other than you, he was very aware of the eyes following you two, the students sharing glances when the unlikely pair walked by, and this display - you letting him carry your bagpack, none of the other boys, only him - satisfied him greatly. This was his way of marking his terretory.

When he looked back at you, you looked more serious, in thought. Then, you stopped walking in the middle of the hallway but didn't look at him. He noticed you were chewing on your bottom lip- you didn't know the words to say what you wanted to say. Finally, it broke out of you. "You must think I'm so riddiculous now"

Eren, who was sure that you didn't want the whole hallway to heat this kind of conversation and you surely had everyone's attention, urged you to continue walking gently. "Only a bit riddiculous," he said with a soft little smile and led you outside where you had more privacy. Since you were standing right next to him, he noticed the deep breath you were taking and suddenly remembered the look in your eyes when he'd found you before math class. At the memory, he felt the frustration wash over him for not knowing why you had gotten so panicked and how to make it go away.

When he was just about to ask you about it, you broke the silence, still not looking at him but a little smile tugging at the corner of your lips. "You were awfully quiet this morning"

"You didn't like it?" he replied, only half joking, as he eyed you from the side.

Immediately, you burst out in panic: "No, no, I did! I was just ... surprised, I guess" The shy look in your eyes when you shared a glance plastered a wide grin upon his face and made his heart flutter. Weirdly enough, his grin made you blush and you cursed yourself for getting flustered this easily.

"Well," he said and you looked back at him, or better, up at him. "I figured you'd already missed out on the first half of class so you shouldn't miss the second half, too. After all, we have a class test next week."

Your eyes widened, surprised how considerate he had been- and by the fact that he knew you were writing a class test next week. When you voiced that last thought, he laughed whole-heartedly and you even joined in a little. "You're not going to actually learn for it, I'm sure."

"No," he said. "I know most of the stuff, but if you need help learning..." He had lowered his face so it was only a few inches from yours and wiggled his eyebrows. You pushed him away with a smile, but Eren suddenly stopped and leaned down to your height. You hoped that he just assumed this was your natural skin color by now. "Now, I get to ask a question," he said. "Why the rush?"

A deep sigh left your lips and you hugged your body with your arms without looking at Eren. You felt the urge to tell him, insufferable Eren Jaeger who wasn't as insufferable as you'd thought, about it, but now you felt riddiculous. Finally, you explained: "When I was in middle school - i was new to the class - I was late once to Mr Shadis class. He- I don't know, it's just so dumb, but he kind of scolded me and slandered me in front of the whole class." As you spoke, your voice got higher and rushed. "And, you know, I was kind of sensitive, still am, and I had a bad day and that was just all coming back so I panicked you know? And-"

You fell silent and stared at the ground. You sounded like a total dumbass. What did he think of you now? You felt the tears in your eyes. This was so emberrassing! Humiliated, you avoided his eyes.

"Mr Shadis?" Eren asked, sounding unbothered. "Man, I remember him! That guy really was a pest"

"Yeah?" you asked and looked up at him with wide, glossy eyes.

He smiled back reassuringly. "I still now how he always bullied me in gym class"

"Poor you," you smiled and swallowed the tears as Eren rubbed your back gently.

"You know," he said, "I met him in town recently and he was actually pretty nice- he was propably just not good with kids"

You nodded and sighed a little. Never ever would you have guessed that Eren was this good at comforting, and the arm wrapped around your shoulder made you want to cuddle into this hoodie of his "You're probably right- let's talk about something else before I begin to cry on your hoodie"

"Never thought I'd hear you say that to me," Eren grinned. "It's nice though. By the way, have you looked at your arm yet?"

There it was again; the slight nervousness in his eyes, the fiddling with his hoodie. You shook your head truthfully. "No"

"Well, then do that," Eren said, and before you knew it, he had pressed a kiss on your cheek and had slipped back into the school building. Dumbfounded and blushing again, you looked at the door students walked out of now. They walked past you as you just stood there, not knowing what to do with this. You felt so- good. So weirdly happy that you wanted to hug every single one of them and then Eren. Whatever this weird new thing was- you liked it.

Surpressing a smile, you looked at your arm and your eyes widened. It was full of little drawings, quite simple but really good. You saw a dog, a pen, a braid, a coffe cup and a piece of cake and much more. Amazed by how good he was at this, you ran your fingers over your arm that Eren had turned into a work of art and then noticed the only letters on your arm, in a comic-like font and surrounded by little symbols.

Wanna go out with me?

610 notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

promise | jj maybank

gif creds to it’s respective owner ! <3

SUMMARY: after confessing your feelings to your best friend in a swirl of emotions, resulting in probably the worst outcome you can imagine, you soon come to realize he was in just as much pain as you.

PAIRINGS: jj maybank x fem!pogue!reader , pope heyward x fem!pogue!reader (platonic)

WORD COUNT: 10.6k (she do be a long one, but it’s worth it)

WARNINGS: angst, fluff, depictions of smut

A/N: hello! this is the first imagine that i ever posted on tumblr. hope whoever reads this likes it, it's one of my favourites so i wanted to start off strong. grab a drink/snack and enjoy :) <3

☼ ☼ ☼

You sit frozen even under the blazing sun. You’ve buried your feet beneath the sand, gripping the couple seashells you caught while surfing in your hand until lines press into your skin. You try to focus on your burning soles or the sting from the shells, but his voice is too prominent in your ears to drown out.

“Y/N? Can you please listen, this is important.” JJ playfully nudges your arm and lingers his hand on your shoulder.

You quickly pull back from his touch and wrap your arms around yourself protectively, trying to pay no mind to the slightly confused expression that contorts his features. You’ve done enough overanalyzing with him to know that he doesn’t mean anything by these seemingly affectionate gestures. He never does.

“What, JJ. I’m not in the mood right now.” You sharply say, keeping your gaze on your black-painted toes sticking out from the sand. And it’s true. You really did not want to hear about all the ways JJ could ask Kiara out properly.

He huffs and rests his hands on his knees, still remaining seated on the towel next to you. “I just want your advice. What’s up with you today? You were fine this morning, and now you’re acting all irritated with me.”

Yeah, maybe because I couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore after seeing that stupid smile on your stupid face when Kiara kissed your stupid forehead at 7 in the morning. Or during school, seeing you pass notes in class and winking when phones clearly exist, like you just have to rub it in. Or after school at John B’s house watching you trying to braid her hair while the rest of us were doing homework. Or before we left for the beach as she rubs sunscreen all over your back, when that’s usually my job.

But of course, you didn’t say any of that.

“Whatever. Like you care.” You scoff and look up at the ocean, watching your friends laugh and push each other off their surfboards.

“I do care, Y/N. You’re my best friend, your opinion means the most to me.” He pauses for a moment and runs his hand through his golden hair. “Did I do something?”

Your heart clenches in your chest, and for a second you want to drop the angry act and hug him, comfort him and reassure him that he could do no wrong. That he was everything and more. But you had to block out your pain, and anger was just the emotion strong enough for the job.

You keep your stone cold glare, and manage to turn it towards him. He’s already looking at you, but not in the way he looks at Kiara before she notices. Not in the way where he looks at her and sees his purpose for existence. Not in the way you look at him.

Instead, he’s looking at you with a lost expression, brows furrowed in confusion, eyes asking for answers. As your glare locks into his soft pale blue eyes, he closes his mouth and looks away. At least he knows not to push you any further.

After an excruciating 10 minutes of sitting in awkward silence with nothing but the waves and seagulls, you hear Kiara’s melodic voice travel over the water and sand to reach your ears. “Ayo, JJ! Y/N! What are you guys doing? Get in the water before it gets too dark!”

Even the sound of her voice makes your ears hot with jealousy and your chest ache with pain. The worst part wasn’t even that she was the girl JJ held in his heart, it was the fact that she was also your best friend, and an absolute angel. She did nothing wrong, and you had no reason to feel so negatively towards someone as kind hearted as her. But the fact that she unknowingly took JJ from you was enough.

She’s waving her arms frantically to get you two’s attention, as if you don’t already see her. It makes you wanna flip her off, but JJ beats you to any action by laughing and standing up, the towel he was sitting on -- your towel -- still hooked in his arms. He throws the damp pink and green fabric around his neck before cupping his hands over his mouth to yell, “You got it, Kie! There’s a sick wave rolling in!”

You roll your eyes, and he notices, but still presses his lips together in a sad smile. “You coming or what, my angry girl?”

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You repeat this in your head over and over again before you dare to speak. ‘My angry girl’, he had said. Like you were his, like he was yours. Like you were his girl. But you weren’t, so why did he think it was okay to keep up with his little spur of the moment nicknames, when they so obviously had no ounce of affection behind them?

You stand up and grab your surfboard. JJ’s face lights up as he shoots you a bright smile, happy at the fact that you’re over whatever it was that was bothering you and are ready to finally have a good time.

But he was wrong. That’s not why you stood up and grabbed your things.

“Have fun.” You say coldly, clenching your teeth to prevent you from saying anything else, for you know that if you did you’d erupt into tears. You tighten your hold on your board, yank your towel from his shoulders, and turn on your heel to walk off the beach.

You can’t take the Twinkie back to your house, since that was John B’s car and the gang’s ride, and JJ knew that too. As you walk by the van, ready to take your walk home alone under the setting sun with just your bikini, towel, and board, you can’t help but hope that JJ will come after you, or call out your name. Just something to show that he doesn’t want you to leave, that he wants to find out what’s wrong, that he wants you safe with him.

But when you turn your head slightly over your shoulder to see if your thoughts have manifested into reality, you’re met with his sculpted back running towards the ocean, diving into the thrashing waves and tackling a laughing Kiara.

The salt dripping from your hair melts with the salt on your cheeks.

~ ~ ~

That night on the beach was only one out of many, many other occurrences in which you had to protect your bleeding soul from any more pain by ultimately being a bitch to the boy you’re in love with.

You didn’t always resort to hostility. There was a time where you would fake a smile and push aside any feelings for the sake of your relationship with JJ. But after a while, it all got too much. You remember the first time you felt any hint of insecurity.

It was about a year ago, a couple weeks after Kiara officially joined the gang by announcing she’s done with the kook academy and would now be spending all her time with you guys. You were so excited at first, for you guys hung out with her once in a while when she wasn’t trapped with the kooks, and now she would finally always be there. Of course, JJ hit on her when they first met, but you didn’t think much of it. He flirted with everyone.

But those feelings quickly got diminished when you and JJ were waxing your surfboards alone in John B’s shed. It was going well like it always did, and you were blushing like you always did when it was just you two. But then he said it, the first hint that he actually liked Kiara.

“It’s amazing that Kie is always here now, isn’t it?” He said, muscles flexing as he thoroughly waxed his white board.

You diverted your gaze away from his arms to see him smiling aimlessly, though you doubted it was directed at the task at hand.

“Oh, uh. Yeah. She’s great,” You replied honestly.

JJ looked up at you, the same smile on his face. “It’s so much better with her here.”

It’s so much better with her here.

Those words have never left your mind since he said them a whole sun’s revolution ago, and it still bothers you all the same. How could he say that, after only 2 weeks of her being there? How could he say that, when you were the one who’s been his best friend since you were kids, before John B or Pope? How could he say that, when he should be feeling that way about you?

Overtime, it got worse.

When you showed up at his house, backpack in hand filled with you two’s favourite snacks and his favourite alcohol, ready to go for your normal weekend hike. “Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” And he kissed your cheek, like he always did since he was 10. But, the hikes stopped.

At the bonfires when you reached for the red solo cup in his hand, and he pulled it away, laughing. “Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” But he smiled admirably the whole time. Usually he got you a drink, so you were used to just reaching for it. He still did get you drinks now, but only after Kiara got hers.

At Midsummers, when you were so excited to show him your red dress that you picked specifically because he said he liked it when walking past a store window. But of course Kiara walked in a second after you in her beautiful silky purple dress. “Wow, look at you.” JJ had said, and you prayed that he meant you, but when you looked up he was practically ogling at the glowing goddess next to you. Kiara laughed and told him to shut up, to which he grinned back and linked his arm with hers. “Shall we, you kook?” He jokingly said. As they were walking out of the hallway and into the party, leaving you behind, Kiara was the one who asked if you were coming. JJ didn’t say a word to you the whole night about your dress.

And the rest of the year was all a blur from there, just the obvious favouritism and admiration of her whenever the pogues hung out. You didn’t even want to think about what went on when it was just JJ and Kiara. And now that John B had Sarah, you felt even more forgotten than ever. Little did you know that there was one certain nerdy boy left in your friend group who was more similar to you than you thought.

~ ~ ~

It was now about a month after the beach, and the second last week of school before the summer. You were all sitting in second period, the class before lunch, working on review before the exams that would take place next week.

Not only were you stressed from school, since you haven’t really given it much thought recently, but today you were just extra irritable. You were tired, insecure, upset, and trying to memorize these goddamn history facts.

You were biting your nails and bouncing your leg at a very fast pace when you felt a wad of paper hit your head. You freeze and clench your jaw. You know exactly where that came from. You slowly turn around and see JJ awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“Sorry, Y/N. Can you pass that to Kie? She’s too far from me,” He whispers, slightly leaning forward.

You’ve had enough.

You pick up the note and don’t even bother to read what’s on it. Instead, you get up to your feet and throw it right back at him, hard. He’s a bit startled as it hits his chest, and he looks up at you, bewildered.

“Give it to her yourself,” You spit, clenching your fists. “And fuck off.”

People in the class are looking at you, including your friends, but you couldn’t care less. John B mouths ‘what the fuck?’ at you, Kiara is staring at you wide-eyed, and JJ just… JJ just looks sad. You make eye contact with Pope, but he isn’t looking at you like some freak, like everyone else. He’s looking at you with kind eyes. He sends you a sad, knowing smile that sofly curves his lips. You almost tear up looking at him, and you aren’t even sure why. Why was he looking at you like that?

Your thoughts are interrupted when your teacher calls your name. “Y/N, excuse me! Wh--”

You cut him off by raising your hand. “Yea, sir, I know. I’m leaving.” You leave the classroom without another word, leaving your friends and peers looking after you, confused.

~ ~ ~

Later that night as you lie lazily on your couch, scrolling aimlessly through your phone, you get a text from John B.

JB: Hey psycho

You roll your eyes and swipe the message away. A couple minutes later, you get more.

JB: That was a joke

I’m kidding

You’re not actually a psycho

Well… sometimes

To stop him from spamming you anymore, you groan and reluctantly text him back.

Y/N: holy shit what do u want

JB: Ah there she is

Come to the Chateau

Y/N: no

JB: Okay well first of all rude

Second of all I already sent JJ to get you

You shoot up in bed, breathing heavy. Are you fucking kidding me? Boys are so goddamn stupid sometimes.

Y/N: john b, NO.

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?

JB: Woah, why you getting mad at me for?

Y/N: were you not in class today?

JB: Yeah, we all were. Pretty sure the whole school knows about your outburst towards... You know. Your best friend? Who’s coming right now? And will be there in 2 minutes?

You couldn’t even text him back, with how mad you were. Why couldn’t they understand you wanted to be alone? You were clearly upset, and they wouldn’t respect your space. Maybe if you got upstairs before JJ showed up, you could avoid this whole thing--

“Y/N, it’s JJ.”

You sigh and look towards your glass door. JJ is there, hands in pockets and red backwards hat keeping the hair away from his face. He’s looking at you with an unreadable expression. Well, there goes your plan to just hide away from the world.

You don’t move, and remain seated on the couch, crossing your arms and looking down at your feet.

“Can you please come outside?” He says through the screen. His voice is so fragile, as if trying to be careful not to overstep and get you more upset. It makes you want to cry.

“Universe, be with me.” You mumble to yourself as you weakly get up from your spot and make your way to the door. He steps back a bit to give you some space as you step outside. The cool night breeze quickly nips at your bare stomach and arms, as you’re only in a black crop top and jean shorts. You wrap your arms around yourself and force yourself to look up at him.

He purses his lips together before pulling his grey sweatshirt over his head, leaving him only in a white tank top. He holds it out to you.

Your heart swells at him noticing your slight chill, and for a moment you were about to take it from him. Your fingertips barely graze the soft fabric as the scent of his cologne, sea water, and cocoa butter already reaches your nose. But then you remember two nights ago, when you were all hanging out in your backyard by the fire. Kiara was still cold, so JJ gave her his sweater. It was a different one, but still. You won’t be the second choice.

You shake your head and retract your hand to hug yourself tighter, looking out at the road. Anywhere but his eyes.

You hear him sigh, “Just take the sweater, Y/N. I know you’re upset with me, but it’s cold. I can see you shivering.”

“What would Kiara think if she saw me in your sweater?” You surprise yourself.

“What?” He asks, confused. “I… I don’t know. I don’t think it would matter.”

“Yeah,” You scoff, “Of course you don’t.” He’s so oblivious to everything. It must be nice to live in a world of ignorance, not knowing who you’re hurting or what you’re doing wrong.

A few moments of silence go by between you two, so you decide to just start walking to the Chateau. You quickly walk down the steps and onto the side road. JJ catches up with you shortly after, and you two walk side by side.

About halfway there, he breaks the silence once again. “Y/N, please.”

“Please what, JJ?” You mutter, trying to sound uninterested.

“Please tell me what I did.” You notice him looking at you through your peripheral vision but force yourself to keep looking straight ahead. “It’s killing me.”

You bite down on your tongue. It’s hard to believe that he’s so affected by you distancing yourself from him. “Why?” You ask, though it wasn’t really a question. “You have Kiara, you don’t need me.”

He lets out a dry, fed up laugh, “Y/N, I don’t understand! Why do you keep bringing up Kiara when I’m trying to talk about you?”

“It’s so much better with her here, isn’t it?” You quote, voice slightly shaking at the end as you finally look at him.

At first his eyes are blank, searching for meaning behind your words. But after a bit, you see the gears lock in place.

“I--” He starts, “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I know that, JJ? Because it sure seems like it. You’re completely obsessed with her. It’s like I don’t exist.” You feel the familiar sting of tears cloud up your vision. “So you should be grateful I’m no longer getting in your way.”

“Grateful? Y/N, did you not hear me? It kills me. Every time you look at me like you don’t want me there, it kills. Every time you push my hand away, it kills. Every time you walk right past me without so much as a glance in my direction, it kills.”

You quickly wipe your eyes. You will not break in front of him. Stay strong, Y/N. Rage over pain. “Yeah, well. Now you know how I’ve felt this whole year.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, raising his voice. “I’ve never treated you the way you’re treating me.”

You halt in your tracks, looking at him with wide eyes. You feel like you’re going to throw up. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You yell. He’s visibly surprised at your outburst. “You haven’t been treating me like shit? Really? You’re gonna say that with your whole chest?”

He starts to shout back at you, “No, I haven’t! Okay, maybe I should have paid more attention to you… Or-- or, or not cancelled so many plans. But I never treated you like I didn’t want you around, I always want you around!”

“Well, you did JJ! You fucking did! You don’t have to roll your eyes at me or push me away to tell me I’m not important to you anymore. Just giving all your energy to someone else says enough. Recently I’ve only been seeing you when the whole gang would hang out, because the rest of the time you’re fucking Kiara!” You scream, voice cracking as you finally let the angry tears escape your eyes.

You turn and start to quicken your pace, but he doesn’t let you go far. You feel his hand grab your arm and pull you back towards him.

“Y/N, seriously! For fucks sake! What the actual fuck are you talking about!?” He shouts, tightening his grip. “I’m not fucking Kiara!”

Your skin burns from the pressure of his fingers digging into your skin, “I bet you wish you were, though.” You grit out, yanking your arm away from him. You feel the pulsing of flesh from where his nails just were.

“Why should it even matter if I was, anyway? It’s not like me and you are together.” He clenches his jaw.

For a moment, you’re at a loss for words. How can you say anything else without giving it away even more that you were hopelessly in love with him? He was right, you weren’t together. If only he knew that was the reason for your pain all along. There was absolutely no way he didn’t at least have an idea that you loved him, after all the fighting and obvious jealousy.

You had nothing to lose.

“Yeah, we aren’t together.” You swallow and brace yourself for the worst possible outcome. “But we could be. Should be.” No going back now. The words left your raw throat and were now spoken out into the universe.

For the first time since you’ve met him, JJ was speechless.

You couldn’t take it anymore, just him staring at you in complete shock. What was he thinking? Did he absolutely hate you for ruining the dynamic between you two? Did he want to turn around and never see you again? Could he… Could he possibly, even a tiny sliver of him, feel the same way?

You decided to put the ball in his court. “Come on, JJ. Don’t act like you didn’t know. Even if it was just a little part of you.”

He remained quiet for a few more seconds before finally opening his mouth. “Y/N…”

“You knew.” You spit out, glaring at him. “I know you did.”

“I… I thought the reason you were mad at me was just because I was neglecting you. I honestly didn’t think it was because you--” He stopped himself, as if trying to find the right words. “Because you liked me.”

You sigh and look down at your hands, twisting your rings around your fingers. “I don’t just like you, JJ.” You truly had no idea why you were being so bold, before you would have sworn on your grave that you would never let him find out. But there’s only so much hurt a person can take before they crumble.

You look up at his apprehensive face. He looks almost… scared. Scared of you saying it and making it real. But you can't protect anyone's feelings anymore, you’ve been doing that too long. You take a deep breath, and look at his doubtful ocean eyes.

“I love you.”

He sucks in a breath, and to your surprise, you see red rimming the whites of his eyes. “Why, Y/N?” He cracks, “Why did you have to say that?”

“Because it’s true,” You weakly confess, tasting tears on your tongue.

“No, no, no. Fuck,” He gasps out and takes off his hat to run his hands through his hair.

“I’m in love with you, JJ.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“You can’t make me take it back. It’s how I feel.”

“But why-- Fuck, Y/N. Why are you telling me this now?” He asks, a pained tone in his voice.

You frown at him, wondering what he’s getting at, “What do you mean?”

“I mean-- you couldn’t have told me this before?! Like, not even a few months ago?!”

“I don’t… I don’t understand how that would have changed anything.”

“It--” He turns around so that he’s no longer facing you and throws his head into his hands. Then, very quietly that you think you might’ve imagined it, he says, “It would have.”

The slight rustle of trees in the background seem deafening in your ear as you stand watching his back.

Then your whole world falls on you, crushing you deep into the earth’s core and sucking all the life from you.

“But it doesn’t anymore.” JJ says as he turns back to you, eyes red and watery.

“I don’t understand,” You whisper softly, so gentle that you see JJ’s face mould into a painful expression at the sound of it.

He takes a step forward and slowly wipes the tears from under your eyes where they have spilt many times before. Then, he presses his forehead against yours, keeping his hands on your face. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He murmurs. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner. I’m sorry that you didn’t tell me when you first felt it.”

You choke on a sob, “I first felt it as soon as I met you, as kids, when you accidentally stepped on my sandcastle.”

“No,” He shakes his head against yours, “No. That’s not when you first felt it. You couldn’t have loved me all that time.”

“Yes, it was.” You retract a bit so that his hands are still on your face, but you’re looking at each other. “I have loved you before I even knew what it was.”

He looks as if he’s restraining himself from saying something. The veins in his neck protrude through his smooth skin.

“What did you mean,” You continue, “when you said it would have changed things if I told you sooner?”

He lets go of you, and you feel like collapsing.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. That’s the problem, Y/N. I…” He looks down, away from your eyes. “I have feelings for Kiara now.”

“N-Now?” Your throat trembles. “What do you mean, ‘now’? You didn’t before?”

He ignores your question. “She kissed me. I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend tonight. It’s… it’s what I was asking you at the beach before you stormed off.”

He doesn’t say anything else as you slowly walk to the Chateau. You don’t say anything either, because you can’t. There’s nothing else for you to say. Your face is frozen in a pained expression, the tears in your eyes stuck in place, neither going away nor spilling. You keep your eyes on the ground beneath your worn out running shoes, hands still rubbing slow circles on your arms.

As you reach the house, before making your way to the backyard where the pogue’s voices were heard, JJ turns toward you. “Y/N--”

“Don’t, JJ.” You quip. “Just don’t say anything else, and neither will I. I promise. I’ll leave it alone.”

He clenches his teeth, and nods once. Then he takes your hand and places his grey sweatshirt into it. “Just take the sweater, Y/N. Please.”

You swallow, feeling the walls of your throat scratch painfully together from trying not to cry. And you nod.

~ ~ ~

It’s half past 11. John B is inside with Sarah, failing miserably at making cookies. JJ and Kiara have snuck off to who-knows-where. You didn’t know where they ran off to, you only knew it was somewhere in the forest behind the house since before they left your sight hand-in-hand, JJ met your eyes with an unreadable look. So now it was just you swaying pathetically in the hammock, staring at the remnants of the dying fire. In a way, you were grateful this awkward night was finally at an end. It was harder than you thought to pretend that the conversation with JJ didn’t happen, and to avoid the looks you two would send each other. You thought for sure that your friends must have noticed, but if they did, they didn’t show it.

As you were wondering what JJ and Kiara were doing, and how John B and Sarah’s cooking was going, you realized you had no idea where Pope was. That was, until you felt someone climb into the hammock beside you.

“Hey.” It was Pope.

You open your tired eyes and manage to smile at him, “Hey, Pope.”

He smiles back and gets more cozy beside you in the hammock. You two just sit listening to the crackling of the fire and the faint sound of Sarah’s laughter from inside the house. The peace is quickly interrupted when you hear the fire alarm go off in the distance.

You and Pope burst out into laughter as you hear John B’s frantic screams and Sarah’s panicked orders.

“They’re a mess,” You giggle.

“Yeah, they are.” Pope agrees. “They’re perfect for each other.”

“So, uh,” You clear your throat, “What happened after I left school today?”

“Well, the class was kinda quiet for a second, but then teach just yelled at us to keep doing our work so… It was forgotten about pretty quickly.”

You nod, thankful that it wasn’t made a big deal. “Thank you for not looking at me like I lost my mind. I know I’ve not been myself recently… or like, the past few months… but still. Everyone just kind of looked at me like I had two heads when I blew up at JJ.”

Pope nudges your arm with his shoulder, “I understand you, that’s why.”

You look at him, “Huh?”

He purses his lips as he contemplates continuing, but he does. “JJ.”

That’s all he says. That’s all he needs to say for you to understand what he means.

You let out a defeated scoff as you play with the sleeves of JJ’s sweatshirt that you were wearing, “Well, apparently everyone knew but him.” You shake your head, trying to rid yourself of the painful thoughts. “How do you understand how I feel, anyway?”

He shifts his gaze towards the forest, a sad look fogging his dark eyes.

And it hits you. All those times you were focused on JJ with Kiara, you forgot to pay attention to Pope, and where he was during all of this.

- -

“Oh shit, sorry Y/N. I told Kie I’d go surfing with her today. Next week though, yeah?” JJ had said. Later that day, you went to get coffee with Pope, who told you that he asked Kiara to study with him, to which she said she had plans.

“Oh-- This is for Kiara. Vodka cran. Can you believe that? So ridiculous.” JJ had said. 10 minutes later, Pope offered Kiara a drink, to which she said she already had one and gestured to the cup in her hand.

“Wow, look at you.” JJ had said. “Shall we, you kook?” Pope had told you he liked your dress, but he was looking at Kiara dancing with JJ. You had told him you liked his suit, but you were looking at JJ dancing with Kiara.

- -

“Kiara,” You say, coming out of your flashbacks. Pope simply nods, looking embarrassed. You let out a sarcastic laugh, “Why does everyone like Kiara?”

He snorts and rebuttals, “Why does everyone like JJ?”

You both chuckle, though it leaves a melancholic tone in the air. You lean your head against his shoulder, to which he returns the gesture and rests his head on top of yours. You try to only focus on your best friend next to you, trying to find comfort in the fact that someone else shares your pain.

As the hammock stills and your breathing levels, you fall asleep holding on to your best friend who you’ve really underestimated all this time.

~ ~ ~

“Ow, what the fuck!?”

You jolt up from the hammock at the sound of Pope’s screech, as he frantically looks around to see who threw an empty beer can at his head. You rub your eyes to adjust to the burning morning sun blaring through the tree leaves, and your blurry vision finally locks onto a tall, lean figure.

As your gaze finally clears, you notice it’s JJ standing over you two. He has another beer can in his hand, and he’s looking at Pope with a clenched jaw.

“Morning,” JJ says dryly and throws another can at Pope. “You two sleep well?”

“Would you stop-- Ow, what the hell man?” Pope flinches and swipes the empty cans onto the grass.

You groan and massage your head at all the commotion. You might’ve drank more than you thought last night in an attempt to numb your feelings. Pope notices, and relaxes his posture a bit as he puts a hand on your back and rubs comfortingly. “Shit, sorry Y/N. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks Pope,” You kindly smile at him and put your face in his neck to block out the brightness. “Ugh, I’m so fucking tired.”

“Why don’t I take you home then.” JJ quickly says and steps towards you guys. He grabs your chin and pulls you to face him and off of Pope.

“JJ, stop!” You hiss as a sharp pain shoots from your head down to your stomach. You feel like you’ll throw up if you move too much.

“Yeah, man. Just let her relax,” Pope agrees and soothingly pats your hair. “You’re hurting her.”

As you get settled against Pope again, you mumble, “Yeah, he does that a lot.”

Pope awkwardly presses his lips into a line at your comment and looks at JJ for a split second -- who swallows and looks down -- before lying down against you again.

“Seriously, Y/N.” JJ sighs and gently presses his fingers against your arm. “You’ll feel better if you sleep in your own bed.”

“What’s the problem, JJ? She’s fallen asleep here many times before, most of the time with you.” Pope mumbles and puts his hat over his head to cover his eyes from the sun.

“What time is it, anyways?” You ask as you weakly reach for your phone in your short pockets. The dim screen reads 6:47 am. You groan, “Are you fucked, JJ? It’s not even 7 am and you’re waking us up? It’s fucking Saturday.” When he doesn’t say anything, you continue, “Besides, where’s Kiara?” You feel Pope stiffen beside you.

You hear JJ shuffle his feet as he stands. “Uh… She’s--”

“I’m disappointed, guys.” Kiara’s voice is heard coming into earshot. “Empty beer cans in the grass? Have I taught you nothing?”

You don’t even bother to say anything back, and instead turn your whole body completely over so that you are fully facing Pope. As if thinking the same thing, Pope turns as well and throws his arm around you both, providing ultimate protection from the brightness -- and the two people who broke each of your hearts.

You sense Kiara picking up the cans, and she says, “Oh wow, look at them.” She laughs, “What happened last night guys…?” She asks suspiciously, yet a playful tone is tinged on her lips.

You decide to play along with her suspicions, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” You say against Pope’s shirt. He chuckles and whispers ‘nice’ in your ear so low that you know no one else heard it.

“What did he say?” JJ asks, sounding irritated. When Kiara says she didn’t hear, he asks again, “Pope, what did you say? Y/N?”

“He said he wants you to go away,” You lie. Pope snorts.

“We’re trying to sleep,” He adds.

“Okay, J. I need you to drive me home,” Kiara says.

“J? Is it that hard for you to say an extra letter?” You sarcastically quip, earning yet another laugh from Pope.

“Uh… Okay…” Kiara says in a confused tone. “Don’t know what that was.”

“Y/N,” JJ begins.

“Seriously J, let’s go, my parents are gonna kill me.” Kiara continues.

“Yea, J. You’ve got somewhere to be,” Pope says.

“Shut up, Pope,” JJ snaps. “Y/N, meet me at the country club after my shift at 5 tonight, yeah?”

You throw your free arm around Pope. “Can’t. Me and Pope have plans.”

“Okay, bye guys.” Kiara says, and no more is heard from either of them.

After a few moments of just listening to the morning ocean waves and chirping birds, Pope slightly lifts his head. “Are they gone?”

“I think so,” You inquire and sit up as well. As you both sit up from your position on the hammock and notice it was indeed just you two, you breathe out and rub your temples. “Jesus. Do you have any idea what the actual fuck that was?”

Pope sighs and gets up, stretching. “No idea. JJ was acting weird as hell. Why did he… throw freaking beer cans at me to wake me up? And only me, not you?”

“Fuck if I know,” You let out a puff of air through your cheeks, “Why were they up before 7 in the morning anyways?”

“Yeah I know, and the fact that he wanted you to leave so badly.” He pauses. “Could that… maybe mean something, do you think?”

You quickly shake your head, “Pope, don’t even try to give me false hope. The little gestures he does never mean anything. Like, he still kisses me on the cheek for fucks sake.”

“Still? From when you were, like, 10 years old?” Pope asks, and you nod, throwing your arms up in defeat. He continues, “Well, if he really asked Kiara to be his girlfriend last night, it’d be weird if he still did that, right?”

“I guess so…” You chew your lip. “Whatever, I don’t wanna talk about it. So, what are our plans?”

“Oh right,” Pope laughs. “I forgot for a second that we were ‘busy’ tonight. How about the new book store that just opened?”

“Sounds perfect,” You grin, and intertwine your arm with his as you walk back to the Chateau to get some breakfast. You would have no idea what to do if you didn’t have Pope with you, standing by your side throughout it all.

~ ~ ~

The next month goes by more or less the same way. John B and Sarah completely in love and oblivious to it all, JJ and Kiara kind-of together (you weren’t exactly sure what was going on there), and you and Pope spending most of the time that the gang wasn’t hanging out with each other, since you were the only ones who understood one another. It provided a good distraction from the pain. For instance, every time you saw Kiara grab onto JJ’s hand and you felt that emptiness in your chest, you looked at Pope, who understandably smiled at you. The same pain was evident in his eyes, and you were reminded that you were going to watch a crime documentary with him later on. That’s how you both held on. Distractions and friendship.

There were so many nights that ended with you crying in Pope’s arms, the movie playing quietly in the background. Or Pope falling asleep in your lap after hours of venting to you about his feelings toward Kiara. Or silent coffee runs where you would just sit in each other's pain. But it was at least a bit better than before. At least you both had someone to help with the aches, to hold your hand or hug you when you needed to be loved.

You didn’t believe that the pain would ever go away, that you would ever heal. Not as long as JJ wasn’t yours. But at least you had something to hold on to.

One night, in the middle of June, you and Pope were sitting on the beach. You guys were in a special spot that he didn’t know about. Around the rocks, on the right side by the hill, there was a patch of sand that led to an opening on the beach. A perfect spot for anything... surfing, swimming, or even chilling on the sand. It was completely hidden from the rest of the world, like it’s own enclosure. You guys decided to hang out after you overheard Kiara talking about bringing JJ by The Wreck to ‘officially’ meet her parents.

“Why didn’t we ever come here before? It’s so nice.” Pope says, leaning back on his arms.

You look out into the ocean, admiring the moon’s reflection on the still water. You shrugged, “It was me and JJ’s spot. We found it when we were 12 years old, never showed anyone.”

You close your eyes to prevent tears from forming as you remember all your favourite memories that took place here.

- -

12 years old. You accidentally fell off a rock while climbing. You closed your eyes, expecting to crack your skull, but luckily landed on a soft surface. “Y/N! Oh my god oh my god oh my god…” You hear young JJ’s frantic voice call after you from the other side. You rub your lower back and groan, “Here, JJ! Behind the twisty rocks! I’m okay!” Soon, JJ’s 12 year old head popped up from behind the rocks, a worried expression on his face, and you smiled at him. “Woah,” he had said, “You found the most perfect place ever. I can hide my dad’s weed here!” You rolled your eyes, “JJ!” He climbed over and joined you in the patch. “What? For when we’re older, stupid.”

13 years old. First time he told you about his dad. You tried to hug him, but he brushed you off and said he was fine. When he noticed you got a little sad at his action, he kissed your cheek -- like he always did -- and said, “Thanks, Y/N. I got you for life, remember that. I won’t ever let anyone do to you what my dad does to me.”

14 years old. He was finishing his second joint of the day, and decided to try and go surfing. You could see his bruised knuckles gripping his board from when he punched Topper Thornton in the face because he called you trash. “JJ, no. You’re not going surfing while high. You can’t even walk in a straight line. We only started smoking this year, we’re not used to it yet.” But he only ruffled your hair and ran towards the water, almost tripping on his feet. You weren’t that good at surfing yet, let alone at night and under influence, so you decided to watch from the shore. After a while, you noticed you couldn’t see him anymore, and this spot was a completely different section from the rest of the beach, hidden behind rocks and hills. No one could see or help if he didn’t come back. You started to cry and call out for him, screaming bloody murder into the night. After a few minutes, you ran into the water to get help, completely getting all your clothes wet, your badly done eyeliner smudging down your eyes. Suddenly, you felt someone grab your arm. You screamed, and were met with a hysterically laughing JJ. “Holy shit! Did you see that!? That was fucking awesome!” You let out a choked sob and hugged him tightly, the angry night waves kicking harshly against your legs. “Woah, Y/N, why are you crying? I’m fine, I just fell off the board.” But he hugged you back. “I’m right here. It’s okay.”

15 years old. You had recently been feeling all sorts of new… emotions and sensations. Ones that you didn’t understand yet. Like what that weird feeling in your stomach was when JJ would put his hand on your thigh. Or why you had to squeeze your legs together when he whispered in your ear. Or why, right now, you sat up straight in the sand and held your breath as he laid his head in your lap. You tried not to look at his shirtless body that was lying down literally on top of you. It was now sculpting into something different than it had been all the other years you’d known him, and you’d definitely noticed. You wondered if he noticed your body blossoming as well, how your chest was filling into its shape, and your curves got more accentuated. You wondered if he felt the same way when you touched him. As all these thoughts churned in your mind, you started to run your fingers through his hair and continue reading your book to stop your mind from thinking, but after less than a minute, his eyes shot open as he lifted his head off your thighs and hunched over. “Uh--” He had started, standing up quickly and walking towards the water, keeping his back turned on you and arms in front of him, “I’m gonna go for a quick swim.” You sat there for 10 minutes wondering what happened until he came back. “I’m just gonna… sit here for now.” He sat about an arms length away from you, giving you a weird smile and sitting in an awkward position.

16 years old. You two jumped off the rocks and ran into the patch, holding hands and laughing. He helped you off the last of the rocks by grabbing your waist and catching you from your mini-fall. You heard the kooks calling after you from the other side, but you lost them. No one could find this spot unless they knew where to go. “I can’t believe we just did that,” You laughed, resting your hands on your knees and trying to catch your breath. “Those fucking kooks deserved it, it’s not like they use it anyways, it‘s just sitting there collecting dust in their storage container. It’s a tragedy. I’m so proud of you.” He cheered as you handed him the keys you stole from Sarah Cameron’s beach bag. You heard Rafe’s voice in the distance yelling that he was going to kill you both, and you just laughed harder. “I’m finally gonna know what it’s like to drive that beauty of a boat.” He said and pulled you towards him, spinning you in a circle. “To going full kook, baby girl!” He shouted in bliss, laughing. “To going full kook!”

17 years old. A couple months after Kiara had fully joined the friend group. You two were sitting on your surfboards in the water, talking about anything and everything as the sun began to set. As you watched the orange and pink skies turn the water into a deeper navy, you noticed him staring at you. “We haven’t been here much lately,” He said, “It used to be our go-to spot”. You looked at him, how the golden hour poured beautifully onto his skin, illuminating the blue of his eyes. “It’s not going anywhere.” You said in return. He dipped his hand into the water and splashed you. “I’m serious, Y/N. I miss this.” He jumped off his board and swam over to you. He placed his hands on your board at either side of your hips and pulled himself up between your legs, smiling at you. “Don’t forget about this spot, ever. And don’t show anyone else. This is only ours.” You bit the inside of your cheek, feeling very nervous as his nose brushed yours. “I won’t.” You said. He pressed his nose against yours, “Promise?” You chuckled and pushed him back into the water. When he emerged from the dark water, laughing, you smiled softly at him and held out your pinky. He interlocked his own, and you said, “Promise.”

- -

Now you are both 18 years old, and you haven’t been here once. Instead, you were here with Pope. Guilt immediately consumed you as soon as you remembered that last memory. You had promised him that you would show no one else this spot, and here you are. With someone that isn’t him.

“It’s fine. He probably took Kiara here a million times already,” Pope says, as if he could read your mind. “Besides, I’m glad we’re here. I had to leave the Chateau as soon as I saw them looking like they were about to makeout.”

You close your eyes and slightly shake your head, as if to brush the image out of your mind. Then suddenly, you say, “We should kiss.”

Pope looks at you with wide eyes, “What?”

You laugh, “Relax. It’s just for fun. Everyone else is going around and kissing each other, so why can’t we?”

He smiles at you and wipes some sand off his legs. “True, I guess there’s no problem with that. Except for the fact that we’ll still be in pain.” He laughs, sadly.

“Yeah well, beggars can’t be choosers.” You grin and turn towards him as he does the same. You robotically place both hands on the side of his face, and he mimics your action on your waist. You both struggle to keep in your laughter as you lean in. “Okay, how ‘bout this?” You say, “I pretend you’re JJ, and you pretend I’m Kiara.”

Pope lets out a laugh and says, “Deal.”

And then you were pressing your lips against his. You didn’t move or anything, just simply lingering on each other’s mouths. You tried to envision JJ, but you couldn’t. No matter how hard you tried to distract yourself, all you could think about was the fact that you were here kissing someone who wasn’t him, in the spot that was supposed to be only for you two. You felt some salt on your lips between you and Pope, and you honestly weren’t sure who it belonged to.

You are about to pull away and talk about how stupid this was, when a certain voice chills your blood to ice.

“Y/N? What the fuck?”

You whip around and get to your feet quickly, heart practically pounding out of your ribcage. “JJ,” You breathe, quickly wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. Within seconds, Pope is up by your side as well.

“Are you--” The clouds fold over in the sky and open up a space for the moon to shine through, landing on his perfect face. “Are you fucking serious?”

His voice was trembling and his fists were clenched tightly by his sides.

“JJ, what are you doing here?” You ask, moving your hair away from your wet face.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing here?’ What the fuck is he doing here?!” He yells, throwing out an arm to gesture to Pope.

“He--” You start.

“This is our spot! That we’ve had since we were 12 fucking years old! Or have you been too busy with Pope to remember?” You could have sworn he was crying. If he was, he was very good at hiding it. “And not only do you bring someone else here, but you kiss him too?”

You straighten your back as if you are about to break. “Why should it matter? If I bring someone or kiss them, why does it fucking matter anymore, JJ?!”

He makes his way over to you, looking so angry. He is standing right in front of you, so close you could feel his hot breath on your face.

You don’t let him get another word in yet, “Don’t act like you haven’t brought your girlfriend here before!”

“I don’t have a fucking girlfriend!” He yells in your face. “Even if I did, I would never bring her here, or anyone else!”

Both you and Pope stiffen, and you subtly look at each other. He looks just as confused as you.

“But… But you and Kiara--”

“We’re not together! And you would know that if you actually still came here!”

“What do you mean?!” You shout back, head pounding. “You don’t make any sense!”

He angrily runs his hands over his face, and you could practically see the frustration oozing out of him. “I’ve been coming here every day, Y/N! Every fucking day since our fight last month. And you haven’t showed once.”

“You asshole! That’s not fair!” You push his chest, but he only stumbles back slightly. “How was I supposed to know that?! You were always with Kiara!”

He scoffs, dryly. “Bullshit. If you weren’t too busy always running off with Pope, you’d see how desperate I was to speak to you.”

“And if you weren’t that much of a pussy and actually told me that you wanted to talk--”

“And if you just told me how you felt about me before all this shit happened then--”

“Oh, fuck you!” You scream, pushing him once again, this time much harder so that he actually has to stop himself from falling. Pope tries to grab your hand to calm you down, but you pull away from him. “Fuck you! Do you know how fucking scared I was that you didn’t feel the same way? Every girl that looks in your direction, you make it known that you’re attracted to her. And then when Kiara came around, it was only about her for so long!”

“That’s not true!” JJ’s voice strains as he breathes heavily. “It was always about you!”

You let out a barked laugh, “Oh, please. In what fucking world was it ever about me?”

“In every world! In my world!” He yells, but his angry expression softens.

“Well,” You pause, collecting yourself. “Not in mine.”

You had nothing else to say. You wish you could jump in the ocean and never come back. To stay in the nothingness forever. But you can’t. So all you did was tear your gaze away from the blond boy and your shocked best friend, and climb onto the rocks and back to the other side, leaving them both alone in the spot that used to only harbour precious, secret memories.

~ ~ ~

You don’t know how long it’s been that you’ve locked yourself in your house, not talking to anyone. A couple days? Maybe a week? You didn’t really care. The last thing you wanted was to face everyone, especially JJ. You’ve shut your phone off a long time ago, so you had no idea what was even going on with the outside world.

You just woke up from a nap. You usually fall asleep after crying. Your eyes still felt raw, but you squinted through the blurriness to read the time on the kitchen stove. 2:33 am. God, you really needed to stop falling asleep on the couch. You get up and make your way to your fridge to pour yourself a glass of water in hopes of finding some relief for your burning throat.

You take a few sips, the cool liquid soothing your inflamed walls as you swallow. You have a slight pulsing lingering in your temples, and you lean back against your counter as you try and focus on your breathing. A few still moments go by, and you’re grateful for some peace.

There’s knocking at your door.

You jump, slamming the cup down on the counter and reaching towards one of the drawers for a knife. You grab the first one you can find -- a butter knife -- and slowly walk to your living room. As you peek your head around the corner, you warily ask loudly, “Hello?”

“Y/N.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” You let out a breath of air and place a hand on your chest as you drop the knife on the coffee table. “JJ. What do you want?”

Your eyes adjust to the darkness as you walk closer. You see his silhouette, but not his face.

“Can you please open the door?” He weakly asks.

You feel anger bubbling up inside you once again, and as you swing open the door in rage you say, “Why don’t you show up on Kiara’s doorstep at 3 in fucking morn--!?” Your words are quickly cut off as soon as the door fully opens and you look at him.

There he is. Though he is taller and much stronger than you, he appears so small and fragile as he stands with his hands shoved into his sweatpant pockets. And his face… he is looking down at the ground, but you can see him covered in blood and bruises.

“I don’t want Kiara,” he says softly, wincing at the pain.

“Oh, JJ.” You whimper and quickly pull him inside your house, leading him all the way to your bathroom. You motion for him to sit on the counter next to the sink as you pull out your first aid kit from behind your mirror.

You stand between his legs as you get to work. You’ve done this so many times before, you can’t even keep count. The first time you cleaned him up after his dad hurt him was when you were both 13 years old. He always hated it, he hated relying on others or seeming like a burden. But you hated seeing him in pain even more. He could never be a burden to you. Since then, it was basically a given that he would come to you whenever he needed help.

He hasn’t come to you with this during the past year, which would frequently get you worried. But since you thought we was with Kiara, you just assumed she was the one who was helping him.

After a while, you just had to finish cleansing his cuts and bandage what was needed. “You okay?” You whisper to him, gently feeling around his chest and stomach for any painful points.

He slightly shakes his head. “I don’t want Kiara,” He repeats himself from earlier, just above a whisper. You don’t say anything, too unsure of what direction to approach this from. But you don’t have to, because after a few seconds of just staring at each other, JJ bursts out into a broken sob as he grabs your waist, pulling you into him and burying his face into your neck.

You immediately hug him back, wrapping one arm around his shoulders and burying the other in his hair.

You allow him to softly cry into your shirt for as long as he needs, just holding him and soothingly rubbing his back. Eventually he pulls away and leans his forehead against your collar bone. “I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?” You ask, running your fingers over his arms.

“What we’ve been doing. Ignoring each other, snapping at each other, acting so distant and cold. I can’t anymore.” He sniffs and fully lifts up from you. Looking at his hurt face makes you want to cry, but you won’t. You’ll stay strong for him. “I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. This past year has been hell for me, let alone this last month. Do you understand, Y/N? Do you understand that all I think about is you?”

You nod, and allow him to keep talking.

“And when I saw you kissing Pope in -- in our spot. The one we promised each other would be only ours--”

“JJ,” You swallow, “I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, I truly don’t. I guess I just let my anger and pain take over me, and I assumed the worst of you. I don’t know how to ever tell you how fucking sorry I am. But I can tell you this -- nothing is going on between me and Pope. Like, at all. All this time that we’ve been spending together was just to distract ourselves from watching the people we want be in love with someone else.”

He takes both of your hands into his before bringing them to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly as he closes his eyes. “I’m not in love with anyone else.”

You slowly breathe in as his raw eyes lock into yours. “JJ… Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“No, Y/N. I do fucking mean it. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I didn’t even need this last month to prove it.”

“But I don’t understand,” You shake your head as a couple tears escape from your waterline. “What about everything with Kiara… You said it was too late and that you had feelings for her.”

JJ stands up from the counter and steps into you, gripping your hips as his damp forehead presses up against yours. “I was lying. I was fucking lying, to myself, to her, and to you. I ended things with her a while ago, but she kept wanting to try. You heard what I was saying, about why you didn’t tell me before and shit… It’s because I love you too, Y/N. I’ve loved you for so fucking long, but never said anything because I never would have guessed that you felt the same. So I distracted myself with other girls and-- and Kiara. And when you confessed to me, I wanted to so badly hold you in my arms and never let go, to tell you that this was all I wanted. But I have been trying for so long to get over you, and I thought I might have even done it. I was scared to throw it away and give myself to you, in case you were wrong about how you felt. Because I-- I thought for sure that you would never love me back, so I tried to convince myself that I could maybe love someone else. Not ever like how I love you, but… maybe enough so that I could forget you.”

He reaches one hand up to wipe your teary under eyes before resting his thumb gently over your bottom lip. “How stupid of me,” He mumbles against your mouth, “to think that I could I ever forget you?” His thumb drags slightly across your lip. “My sweet girl…”

You grab the back of his neck and push your mouth roughly against his. For a second you taste blood and forget about his busted lip, but he doesn’t seem to mind as he kisses you back with just as much passion. You kiss him with all the hunger you’ve kept inside you for years, and he reciprocates the exact same energy.

You kiss him until you’re sure you’ve developed your own busted lip, and you pull apart, breathless. He smiles into your mouth and presses one more wet kiss against your bruised mouth before pulling away himself.

“Okay,” You weakly say, feeling tingly all over. “New promise.”

“Anything,” JJ says, leaning forward to press soft kisses along your jawline.

“We are never -- And I mean never --- doing that stupid shit again. From now on, we’re honest with each other about everything. 100% of the time.” You say, trying not to sigh at the feeling of his teeth on your flesh.

He pulls his head back up and kisses you again, “I promise. And something else too -- I promise to love you completely and fully. I promise to never make you feel that insecure again.”

“I promise, too.” You whisper, “I love you.”

He shakes his head as if he can’t believe what he is hearing, a stupid grin playing at his mouth. “I love you so fucking much.” He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “Even if you think a butter knife is a suitable weapon for an intruder.”

You laugh into his neck, “Shut up.”

“Kiss me.” He says into your ear.

And you do, until you can’t anymore. Until you can’t take the building tension and you’re coming undone beneath him as he presses you into your bed, making you feel all the things you’ve only dreamed of since you’ve known him. Until he’s falling asleep on your naked chest, your arms holding him close. Until you know you can finally say he’s yours, and you are his.

5K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

─── 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄

+ sae x f!reader | wc 4.9k | content: angst, fluff, some making out, implied sex, stupid teenager phase

notes: sobs this was not supposed to be this long … one of y’all need to stop me from writing about this man !! i love him too much, pls send help </3 extra: this is the song playing in the last scene :’)

summary: sae has few interests, and one of them is you. but sometimes, being special just isn’t enough.

you’ve always been special.

ever since age three when your family moved across the street from where the itoshis lived. ever since age five when you finally gathered the courage to talk to the pair of brothers. ever since age six when sae invited you to play with him and rin. ever since age seven when you cried because someone bullied you at the playground and sae wiped away your tears. ever since age ten when both of you played with paper rings. ever since age eleven when you and sae would talk endlessly at night through the phone and get nagged at by your parents when they found out.

ever since age twelve when you told sae you’d watch him become the best soccer player in the world by his side.

your presence bleeds into sae’s life and he can’t think about anything without relating it to you; like how his breakfast tastes like ass when you’re not smearing your stupid peanut butter on it because apparently peanut better goes well with everything is your phase at that point of time. like how he’s walking home and he’ll always have to crane his head to the right just to check if you’re on your front porch swing, because if you are, he’ll wave and then you’ll smile and wave back, and sae would feel like it’s a special code you two share.

you’re probably the only thing he pays his spare attention to. and rin. you, rin, soccer. that’s all.

you complain way too much, especially at the fact that sae doesn’t smile often. he counters, “that’s none of your business.”

and you tell him one day you’ll be the reason he smiles everyday.

sae thinks it’s kind of stupid though, because you already are. you just aren’t around to see it. he’ll probably never let you see it too. he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he did.

it isn’t long before you’re age fifteen and graduating middle school and you’re excited to start high school. it didn’t really make a difference for sae, as long as he got to play soccer, he really couldn’t care less.

when you’re age sixteen you tell sae that a boy from class broke your heart because he didn’t accept your valentines’ chocolates. it was as good as a rejection, apparently. or whatever girl code says it is.

frankly, sae’s just offended. you’ve never given him any valentines’ shit. all of a sudden some no name guy is getting it?

maybe it’s true what people say, teenage girls cry over stupid things they consider love that’s not actually love. now you’re getting his soccer jersey wet with your tears and you’re crooning on and on about how boys suck but somehow sae’s still the best.

you’re sixteen and crying on sae’s shoulder, while he’s seventeen and wishing he could torture the son of a bitch who made you cry.

this is the closest you’ve ever been, physically. your heart’s not really broken because whoever you’re crying about has never really had it. but sae doesn’t know that.

teenage girls make really stupid decisions sometimes. and other times, they making stupid passing comments, like when you say “glad i didn’t let him kiss me. would suck for my first kiss to be with a dick who didn’t give a shit about me.”

sometimes teenage boys make stupid decisions too.

sae doesn’t really know what possesses him to do this, but he doesn’t stop it. he doesn’t stop his hand from reaching out to you, doesn’t stop his fingers from tilting your chin up. there’s only confusion in your eyes when he looks into them. there’s only hesitation in his.

sae’s not anything to you except for a childhood friend, and you’re not anything to him, except for one of the most beautiful people he’s ever met. that’s why he does this slowly, so you have time to stop this.

he has no right to do this. he wishes you would just stop him.

you’re both teenagers when sae becomes your first kiss, when your tears stain his cheeks and he tastes like the fruits he just ate. you’re both delirious off of the feeling, like neither of you want this to end because your lips stay connected even when you’re not moving, and your lashes are fluttering against one another’s and sae really wants to kiss you again.

but it’s late and your parents are probably the ones knocking on his door right now so he stops himself and pulls away while rin bounds down the stairs to open the door.

sae sees nothing but you, you and your pretty face and your pretty lips and your perfect perfect person.

“there, now your first kiss is with a dick who does care about you.”

it’s that same summer and you’ve forgotten all about the stupid boy that supposedly broke your heart. you have sae with you whenever he’s free, when he decides to bring you out after practice and explore rooftops to find the best view for the fireworks.

you’re not together, but it sure feels like you are.

then it’s autumn and the leaves are turning orange and red, and you swear you see sae’s cheeks and ears turn nearly the same shade when he holds your hand for the first time as you walk through the park, a white cat crossing in front of you.

sae blames it on his practice earlier and that he’s tired because there’s no way he’ll ever admit it’s because of you.

when winter comes, sae’s still taking care of you. nothing stops him from playing soccer, but nothing can stop him from finding you either. sae’s starting to regret his decisions when you force him to go ice skating and look at him expectantly whenever you see a mistletoe.

you’re a lot of work, maybe you’re worth it.

and then you kiss him again and he thinks yes, maybe he can do this. he can juggle soccer and you, it’ll magically work out.

finally it’s spring and you’re excited because you love the cherry blossoms, and sae thinks maybe he loves something else but he’s not going to go there yet. and while everyone’s watching the solar eclipse that one night, sae’s watching you.

for once, he wants to believe in superstitions, wants to believe what watching the solar eclipse means.

“what’s the matter?”

you’re always so perceptive. you’d make a great playmaker, he feels.

of course you pick up on the tension, barely a minute after you walk into his room. sae doesn’t want to ruin this, whatever this is, whether it’s love or something less, or maybe something more.

but it’s not a democracy, and the answer is crystal clear in sae’s mind. his answer’s always been the same, but it’s not like you don’t exist in his world.

“the club in spain gave me an offer.”

that’s all he needs to say to make you understand. and if you weren’t the most understanding person he knows, you might’ve reacted differently, but you’re still the same supportive, kind girl he met at age four.

“when do you go?” your voice is shaky and he knows you’re trying to hold it together.

sae’s sorry, really.

“next month.”

it’s not a lot of time, but probably enough to say goodbye. then you throw your arms around him and you work your magic, you say you want to try despite the distance, despite the unknown timeline. and who is sae if not someone who’d give it a try?

he’s not even sure he can ever say no to you.

it doesn’t seem real until the night before he leaves, because you’re eighteen and standing in his near barren room, everything already packed into boxes and loaded.

maybe it’s the fact he’ll be gone for a very long time, doesn’t know when he’ll see you again. maybe it’s the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he feels you pressed up against him. maybe it’s the fact he’s denying the depth of his feelings for you and it’s getting him frustrated.

or maybe it’s because he’s selfish and he doesn’t want anyone else to have you, just like how he gave you your first kiss.

he’s your first kiss, and he’ll be your first time, with your hands clawing at his clothes. and you’ll be his, with the way he’s grabbing onto your bare back so desperately.

you’re eighteen and you think nothing’s prettier than the sounds sae makes, especially when his lips are right next to your ear, with his hot breath fanning against you.

sae’s nineteen and he thinks you’re the best thing he’s ever tasted, in all sense of the word. he thinks you look pretty in pink, still pretty when you wear nothing too.

and suddenly sae thinks that maybe it doesn’t feel so crazy to think that the both of you might make it through this.

long distance can work for some people. but sometimes it’s just meant to drive two people further away.

sae’s gaining momentum in europe, and you’re proud of him. you’re proud of your boyfriend, doing his best and showing off his talents and having his hard work pay off.

you’re really, genuinely happy for him. but the bigger of a star he is, the further away he feels, and maybe it’s selfish of you to want him here, to want him to be just your neighbour itoshi sae like how things started out.

maybe it’s selfish and wishful thinking, but you can’t help yourself.

sometimes sae doesn’t even have time to look at his phone. he’s tired and overwhelmed and understandably too. and you feel guilty everytime you subject him to your insecurities.

but you’re nineteen and you don’t know better.

rin’s not much fun to hang around with, especially when he got more stoic and awkward. he’s like a mirror of his brother, and that may fool a lot of people, except you knew him before that. but you’re not going to butt your head in things that don’t concern you, so you leave him be.

and suddenly the itoshis seem further away than they’ve ever been. for the first time in your life, you’re not sure if trying will be enough anymore.

sae misses you. that’s whenever he has the free time to think, when he’s not hounded by trainings after trainings, when he’s not busy from day to night with whatever new training regime they’ve got him on.

is he aware that he’s probably being the world’s worst boyfriend now? yes. but sae can’t force himself to choose that over his dreams. can’t force himself not to choose soccer.

[17:08] she’s fine, idk what you’re worried about.

rin’s message doesn’t alleviate his worries. sae knows you better than anyone, and he doesn’t believe you’re fine.

[08:08] hey sae :)

[17:34] going to bed now, gn!! <3

sae stares at your message for a while in the locker room, while everyone else is showering. you’ve cooled off on the pet names, you’re worried you’re overstepping. you’re worried he’s lost his feelings.

he’s not.

he’d be crazy to.

but he can’t find the energy to convince himself that this would turn out fine. he can’t convince himself that he’s not hurting you every single day by not being able to be everything you need, by not being able to be physically there for you.

this half-assed relationship isn’t what you deserve. and where he is right now, with his bird’s eye view of the world, he doesn’t know if he can ever give you anything else.

[17:49] goodnight. call you tomorrow.

the moment sae breaks up with you, you feel like that kid at sixteen all over again, except this time you don’t have your favourite person’s shoulder to cry on and this time it’s actually love.

all you can think of when you hear him pick up the phone is that morning right before he left for the airport, how his hair’s a mess and how his lashes are way too pretty and how he sounded when he’s all groggy and tired.

but then he tells you the one thing you do not want to hear, and the illusion is shattered into pieces.

“this isn’t working out.”

“what are you talking about?” he’s silent, and you’re anxious. “we’re fine, sae.”

you can hear him sighing over the phone. you so desperately want to fix this, and so does sae but he can’t think of anything more selfish than to ask you to wait for him until he’s ready—he knows what’s the right thing to do. it sucks, but he’s made up his mind.

“that’s bullshit, y/n,” he responds, calmly, and you feel him slipping further and further from you.

“i- look, i-i know it’s hard but we can—”

“give it a break, woman,” sae chuckles, low and deep, and you’re beginning to doubt that you know him at all right now. “we’re done.”

the dial tone is all you can hear after that.

twenty years old is where you have your first actual heartbreak.

and all that talk about how time heals all feels like bullshit when you’re right in the middle of it all. five days in and you’re still a wreck. twenty days later and you’re still staring at the pictures you and sae took together. a month passes and you’re visiting the places you went to together. just a sad, pathetic girl crying on the benches, reliving what she once had.

three months later you’re still watching his matches on tv. you’re still cheering for him inside. four months later and it’s sae’s birthday and he doesn’t even respond to your birthday message. half a year after the breakup and you finally stop crying when you think of him.

but it’s easy to delude yourself when you’re not in the presence of what you grieve. because eight months after you broke up, you see reports that sae’s dating a sports photographer. the next few days, a picture is released of them kissing in a restaurant.

then you get glimpses of other girls being able to be intimate with him. other girls getting to taste his lips and feel his love. other girls getting his attention when that right used to solely belong to you.

and you’ve never felt worse.

“why so glum?”

sae blinks at the woman, indifferent. he can’t even remember her name.

“nadia,” she says, like she’s reading his goddamn mind, holding her hand out. “i’ve been your team’s photographer for a few months now.”

sae shakes her hand out of courtesy because he really doesn’t want his publicist to chew him out again. “didn’t ask.”

“you know, you’re a lot more crabby these days,” she comments, and it’s like he can see the lightbulb going off in her head. “oh, is it girlfriend issues?”

“i don’t have one, so shut it.”

“come on, i promise i’m good at making people forget.” she says this so seductively that sae’s a little disturbed. he just wants to get this shoot done with and go home, maybe even check up on you a little. all in incognito mode, of course, because he can’t risk you knowing he still cares. can’t risk getting your hopes up.

somehow the stars have spent all their time aligning sae’s soccer career and everything else is in tatters because his publicist forces him to take nadia up on her offer and go out with her.

what was supposed to be a one time thing turned out to be something more. she wasn’t even close to you, but she could be close. turns out when he’s not being such a dick, nadia can be moderately interesting.

different, maybe that’s what he needs.

he thinks back to when she kissed him on their first date. sae still finds himself hoping you didn’t see that.

but no, he’s not in love with you anymore. sae’s officially an adult at twenty-one and he’s still the same stubborn guy in denial because he’s looking at pictures of you while nadia’s sitting right next to him.

it’s not healthy, it really isn’t.

you’re twenty-one now and you’re actually going on a date with the sole intention of trying to get over the one and only itoshi sae.

can you even trust your friend? all you know is that the guy is a friend of a best friend’s and that’s all she told you.

“my best friend’s a good guy, so by extension, so is his best friend,” was all she said.

now you’re here, at the amusement park, waiting for your date to show himself because apparently, in your friend’s bid for suspense, she was reluctant to share anything about him except that he’s dreamy and pretty and that his friend describes him as a genius.

and also “oh, he’s a soccer player too so that’s right up your alley, right?”

when the call from date guy comes in (because to stop you from profiling your date she also didn’t give you his name), you kind of like his voice.

“hey, where are you?”

you find out his name is nagi. and that he’s only here because reo stole his switch and he won’t give it back until the date’s over. which kind of works because you tell him you’re only here because you wanted to get over someone.

to which he says it’s a hassle.

there’s nothing you expect out of this, but then you find yourself enjoying your date.

it’s clear by the first fifteen minutes why nagi chose this place to meet. he’s absurdly good at games. he’s won you tons of plushies that you had to give away to some very happy kids. it’s a pattern; every game that he doesn’t know, he only loses once and then he proceeds to dominate.

no wonder his friend calls him a genius.

with nagi it’s easy, fluid. you’ve been spending the whole night there with him, playing together and eating together—well, mostly it’s just you feeding nagi because it turns out he finds a lot of things a hassle.

three days later, you find out that apparently you’re not a hassle in his books. not really, because he asks you out again.

it’s irrational.

sae shouldn’t be this bothered, but he is. he hates seeing your stupid updates about how you’re on a date with this nagi guy. he hates seeing your posts with the two of you wearing matching sweaters for christmas.

he gives it a like.

nadia’s already gone. sae doesn’t have time or energy to waste on people that don’t matter. and you shouldn’t matter. not right now. but here he is, wishing the circumstances were different.

if you and nadia switched places. if you had something to bring you to spain. it’s fucking selfish, he knows. doesn’t stop him from wishing for it. he can’t think of anyone else like how he thinks of you. doesn’t want to.

he really is clueless about everything outside of soccer, because he’s twenty-two when he realises that no one could ever make him forget about you, and maybe he should just live with it.

sae turns twenty-three when he’s in the running for being the world’s best midfielder. he’s gotten rid of the hopes of moving on and he’ll just fake it till he makes it.

maybe that’s why this year is particularly special to him. or maybe it’s because for the first time in a long while, you wish him happy birthday.

at midnight, in japan. because you’re thoughtful that way.

this time he responds.

thanks. how r u?

it’s criminal how easy it is for you to get his heart beating like this. he sees you typing and it’s enough to lift his mood.

great, school’s kicking my ass though.

sae finds himself wishing that he could hear your voice right now. for some stupidly non-complex reason that he finds completely absurd.

i saw your match last week, good game, genius.

fuck. after all this time, he still wants you.

his fingers type i miss you, just for the hell of it. just to see it there on his screen before he inevitably deletes it and replaces it with something mediocre like thanks or i know.

because he can’t just say that after being the one who broke things off. he can’t do that when he still thinks it won’t work out.

all he does is sigh and hit the delete button—except fuck, he accidentally hit send. and he would’ve deleted it if you weren’t already online and read it and he sees you typing for a moment before you stop completely and go offline.

sae has never felt more numb.

it’s been three months since sae said he missed you. you still can’t get that out of your head. the most upfront he’s been about his feelings and he chooses then of all times to be honest?

when your boyfriend was right beside you?

maybe it was your fault. you didn’t even know why you wished him a happy birthday. maybe you missed him too and was just lying to yourself.

god, maybe you’re the asshole in this after all. did you really love nagi? or was he just exceptionally well at making you forget? you really really like him, that’s all you know.

“hey, what’s wrong?” nagi’s looking at you, pushing his hair back, and you can’t help but think you’re lucky to have him these past few months.

but the turmoil inside you wins, and maybe you understand a little bit of how sae felt that night when he broke up with you.

it’s not fair to nagi for you to do this, but it’s not fair to him either to keep him around.

“we need to talk.”

it’s a surreal feeling, to be back in japan.

sae was nineteen when he left. now he’s twenty-seven when he breathes the tokyo air again. he lugs around his carry-on baggage because he’s not staying here for long. not yet. he’s coming back soon, and he doesn’t really know why. he’s milked everything he could from spain, from the rest of europe, some of the americas, and maybe he’s homesick now.

plain and simple.

the cab driver asks him why he looks so sharp, and he simply says, “wedding.”

it’s been seven years since he broke up with you. and your grip on him is as firm as ever. a grip he’ll never let you know you have on him because he’s made this mistake before—said i miss you and then scared you away.

by the next day he couldn’t even find you online because everything is wiped and maybe you hate him, hate his guts. that’s fine. he can live with that.

to him, you’re still the same lovable person as you were at age five. still the same girl at age sixteen that he fell in love with. you’re still his person and it’s fine if he has to just admire you from afar.

when he arrives, he takes a long hard look around the room, filled with guests socialising and drinking their wines and it’s so pathetic but he’s wondering if you’re still around. he’s late, and it’s his plane’s fault but it’s no use playing the blame game.

“hey,” rin calls out when he sees his brother. “you missed the ceremony.”

“yeah, stupid plane got delayed,” sae says, mind still distracted.

rin formally introduces his new wife to sae and she seems nice, polite, the kind that can put his brother in his place if she needs to. that’s nice. sae can’t help envisioning you in the wedding dress though. you’d look nice.

nicer if he was the one beside you.

“oh! as a gift to my now brother-in-law, i have a friend i want to set you up with,” she grins, and as much of an ass that sae is, he just figures he’ll reject the poor girl later. for now, he’ll entertain his new sister-in-law.

rin claps him on the shoulder before smirking and walking off, presumably to get a drink because no matter how much rin has changed, sae doubts he’ll ever become friendly enough to mingle in this crowd.

sae feels someone poking his shoulder and turns around, first to find his sister-in-law grinning from ear to ear, and next to find you next to her, just like he remembers.

pretty in pink, stupid bashful smile, still fucking beautiful.

“have fun,” rin’s wife says before she walks off with a knowing look. she’s already winning points with sae for bringing you to him.

“hey, genius,” you try to suppress your smile but it’s not working.

he thinks he’s dreaming. he’s not. he’s here. and so are you. and this might just be what he missed all this time.

you hold your hand out and he takes it wordlessly, obediently. sae follows you to the dance floor, trying to calm his erratic heartbeats, savouring the feeling of your hand in his once again, remembering that moment back in autumn when he first felt it.

when you wrap your hands around his neck and he wraps his around your waist, it feels like finally, something is real. like there’s something in this country that can really keep him here this time. because now he’s twenty-seven and he finally understands, he’s always loved you but he’s never been ready until now.

“can’t believe you let your brother get married before you,” you say, sarcasm because you’re breaking into a grin. “he actually beat you at something.”

sae pouts slightly, averting his gaze. “what’s the big deal anyway?”

you shrug. “i’d have thought you’d be the first. maybe with one of the girls you met abroad or something.”

there’s a certain bitterness in your tone that he likes, only because it means you minded all this time. the thought of him with someone else. he suddenly remembers something, and searches the room for a familiar face.

gray eyes meet his teal ones before they turn away, disinterested.

“you sure your boyfriend won’t mind you dancing with your ex?”

“probably not, since i don’t have one.” you smirk, sensing the bitterness in his tone too. it’s funny, seeing sae jealous like this.

he has no reason to though, since you broke up with nagi after being honest with yourself—that you’re not over sae and you probably never will be. you’d decided to just live with your decision.

“shame. thought you guys looked cute in those matching sweaters.”

so that was a jealous like, you think to yourself.

“thought you looked cute with that sports photographer girl too, kissing and all,” you say, though it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. “why didn’t that work out?”

for the first time in his life, sae decides to be outright honest with you—

“because she’s not you.” because everytime she said his name, he’d overlay it with your voice in his head. because everytime she’d tried to get close, he’d resent her more for not being you. because no matter how hard anyone tries, they will never be you and that will never work, not for sae.

—to a certain degree.

he’s twenty-seven when he’s finally old enough to understand that it was never a problem with feelings because he’s always loved you all the same all this time. it was just a matter of being ready at the right time. it’s like luck in the world of soccer, where coincidences can only fall to those who are prepared.

and he’s here now. he’s ready.

call him crazy for thinking you’re on the same page because you’re getting closer and closer and closer.

“itoshi sae,” you whisper his name against his lips and he’s reminded of the first time he had you. you drive him crazy and he thinks he’ll keep on letting you. “i missed you too.”

you did. you used to be too young and inexperienced to put yourself in sae’s shoes. too young and naive thinking emotions were enough for two people to stay. sometimes, some things just aren’t meant to be… in the moment. and other times, when you’re both ready, everything suddenly falls into place.

you were sixteen when sae first kissed you. now ten years later, ten years wiser, you kiss again, and this feels significantly better than before. because now you both know.

sae has known you ever since you were three. and he thinks he’ll keep on knowing you, every day, every hour, every minute. he wants to know you forever. and he’s thinking maybe that superstition worked out after all. maybe it was destined to be like this all along.

two people coming together and falling apart only to end up in each other’s arms.

and he thinks fuck superstition, fuck the white cats and solar eclipses and everything else. even if things threaten not to work, this time he’ll make it work.

sae’s known you for so long he overlooked one simple thing. when he kisses you even deeper and is greeted with your lips smiling against his, he knows.

he hasn’t become the world’s best soccer player yet, but when he does, you’ll be by his side.

one day those paper rings the both of you played with when you were little would be real.

you’ve always been special, and you always will be.

now he’s finally home.

3K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

his whole world

rin x reader

genre(s): fluff

warnings: none

rin is aged up! i can’t get dad rin off my mind.

dad rin dad rin dad rin dad rin

it was a rare afternoon where you had coaxed rin into joining you for a nap whenever he felt a tug on his leg. it was so gentle that he paid it no mind at first. it was only when a small, “daddy?” had been whispered that he decided to untangle from you to greet his daughter.

he swerved his torso so that his eyes could meet her small and nervous figure. “what’s wrong, yua?” he asked in a low voice, not wanting to wake you up. she only made “grabby hands”—that’s what you called it all the time—for a reply, rin immediately scooping her up on the bed with one arm.

she crawled onto his torso, legs resting in the space between you and rin. her small hands gathered the material from rin’s shirt, bunching up the fabric. rin knew this was a nervous habit of hers.

he brushed the hair from her face, “what’s going on?” he asked again, hoping for more of a reply this time. maybe she had a bad nap?

“jus’ missed you and mommy,” she answered, voice so delicate that rin almost couldn’t hear her. he’s glad he did though, a soft smile stretching onto his lips. rin, the stoic face of blue lock smiling. only you and yua could get that out of him.

he let out a chuckle, “come on,” he guided her to the spot in between you and him with a soft push of his arm. she excitedly followed, letting herself fall with a bounce of the bed. rin could only suck in a breath, hoping that she didn’t wake you up with her mindless movements.

“careful, don’t wake mommy up,” he whispered, eyes falling onto your still sleeping figure.

yua immediately whipped her head to look at you, letting out a dramatic breathe of relief once she found you still asleep. “sorry,” she apologizes, guilt evident in her tone as she look back at her father with those pretty eyes he had given her.

“it’s okay,” he reassured, guiding her to lay down, to which she complied. once she had gotten cozy rin had threw his arm around you both. his whole world in his arms. he let his lips fall on top of her head, whispering a small, “goodnight,” while doing so.

“hey daddy?” yua whispered after a moment of silence.

“yeah?”

“i love you.”

a chuckle escaped him, the soft smile sneaking it’s way onto his lips once again. “i love you too, yua.”

thanks for reading!

#this is so cute omg

453 notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

⋆ ★ — snapping one, two (2.7k)

itoshi rin x gn!reader, angst, fluff, the aftermath of a breakup that never should've been. snap by rosa linn. i just poured my fucking heart and soul into this shit PLEASE give it a read

tagging: @hyomagiri, @yoimyas + lmk if you'd like to be added!!

thank you for your support. see you next time.

your phone screen displays a heartwarming image of itoshi rin and his football team after winning a really, really important game. alongside it are a few less-professional pictures, one of rin’s back after he scores a goal, fist raised in triumph, while another has him almost tipping over after a teammate launches themselves onto his back. the third is sweet, too, one of him and a couple of the other players on the bus ride back home.

the first may just be your favorite—rin sandwiched between a senior and a rookie, both overjoyed as the entire team clambers in for a group photo.

thing is, most, if not all the shit you see in those photos reminds you of what the two of you had, because whether he’d like to admit it or not, you had wormed your way into every bit of his life, when the two of you were together. now, really, it’s all nostalgic—a painful sort of memory.

in the group photo, you see rin, back when he was a rookie, turning bright red back when they teased him about you. in the goal photo you see your scratches, still bright red on his back after a long night—you remember him coming home and complaining about them itching even though he couldn’t love anything more (they’re from you, so by extension, they were you).

in another, you think of how he would message you right after every game, how he’d ask if you were watching, even though he knew the answer. another reminds you of the way he’d climb into your arms after a game like that and how he’d complain about every little thing.

it’s all just a blatant reminder of what is no more, what can never be because it’s over. you are no longer rin’s special someone—that was evident, after the things he’d told you just under four months back. it’s then that you realize your eyes are burning, tears ready to spill out—it wasn’t even on bad terms, you don’t think, but you haven’t spoken since.

you set your phone down, face-flat, and exhale, because it’s been far too long for you to be so hung up on someone that never wanted anything to do with you in the first place. a part of you screams that that’s not true—if he hadn’t loved you, he definitely would not have treated you the way he did. someone who doesn’t love someone doesn’t treat someone like that.

the rest of you, the part that remembers his words the moment he left and so gently shut the door behind him—that part of you cries, and says he couldn’t have loved you if he just couldn’t be around you. so much so that he slammed the door of your shared apartment and left, then never contacted you again.

“food’s in the fridge if you’re hungry. i made sure it had all the shit your diet calls for.”

your boyfriend’s been distant lately, all up in his head. it wouldn’t be the first time he’s gotten caught up in one of these funks, so you’re not all that alarmed by it, however the lack of communication between the two of you has been starting to get to you. typically, you’d sit him down and have him talk about what’s going on, reassure him and let him know he’s got you to talk to—but that gets hard when he’s barely even looked in your direction.

“‘kay. thanks.”

a part of you expects him to say he’d already eaten and watch as he slips into your bedroom to crash for the night, but this time he doesn’t. as a matter of fact, you hear the fridge open and the sounds of him sifting through some of the stuff before taking something out. you’re not sure if it’s what you’ve made him.

then, you hear the microwave going and it brings a smile to your face because he’s finally eating at home again—something he hasn’t done in weeks. perhaps months. the days kind of just blur by when you’re not constantly drowned in his affection, that of which you’d gotten so used to—before it was so carelessly ripped out of your hands.

you know not to expect much, but when he sits there on the barstools connected to your little living room? you feelt your heart warm a little—the desire to reach out and touch growing just a little bit overwhelming.

you two are quiet, not exactly comfortable, but content.

“hey, rin?” you speak up, before you can help yourself.

he looks over at you then and raises a brow—so pretty even though the lighting is a little awkward, coming from his left and casting shadow over just under half his face, so pretty even though his eyes are tired and his hair is tangled to a scary degree…so pretty that you’re easily reminded of just how he caught your eye in the first place.

he’s quiet, urging you to speak with his eyes. how typical.

“are you okay? are we?”, you ask, and even though it should be a weighted question—it feels like the easiest thing in the world. the way he looks at you then, though, that makes something scary churn in the pit of your stomach.

then he shrugs.

“i don’t know.” is all he says, before making his way to the kitchen with the intention of cleaning up. he’s not exactly oblivious to the way you’ve frozen up—but addressing it would cause a problem.

“do you still love me?”, you ask then, before you can help it, again.

the way he looks at you when you ask him that is answer enough.

you slide your phone off the counter, suddenly suffocated by the atmosphere—this same apartment, where the two of you shared a bed, shared a bathroom, shared the rent, this was where it ended. this was where the two of you stopped being.

you glance at your phone and scroll through it a little more. you’re still mutuals with some of rin’s football friends—you almost snort at the thought, so strangely domestic is the reminder that he never liked to call them his friends—, thanks to your and his status so long ago. you’ve always wondered why they were still following you, and you used to think it was out of pity or whatnot, but some of them still make an effort to keep in touch and chat with you.

rin never seemed to mind.

“shidou says hi.”

your boyfriend gives you the fucking stink eye at even the first syllable of the blonde’s name, prompting a snort from you. you’re not sure there’s ever been anyone else that could urge such a gut reaction out of him apart from sae and probably isagi, and no matter how many times you catch it, it’ll always be funny.

rin doesn’t even grace you—or, technically, shidou—with a response, back to burying his face into the crook of your neck while you busy yourself playing with his hair on one hand and being on your phone with the other. having just gotten home from practice, he’d impromptu scrambled into your bedroom and sprawled on top of you, ready for bed—you weren’t complaining.

“he says he knows you love him.”

“tell him i said fuck you.”

—

“oh, you’re uh, the person rin’s dating, right?”

you glance up, having simply leaned up against an ugly little set of bleachers only a couple hundred yards away from the stadium after one of rin’s games. both of you had agreed upon keeping your relationship from the media in the early stages, all-too-knowing of how it could affect you two. you were waiting for him to come out when someone else approached.

“uh, yeah. you’re uh, isagi, right?”

he’s one of rin’s teammates, a phenomenal player according to literally every sports media outlet ever, and he’s talking to you? isagi yoichi?

he nods.

“are you waiting for him? i’m pretty sure a couple reporters trapped him as he was leaving.” he says, fixing his bag over his shoulder as he shoots you a sympathetic little smile. “he’s probably going to take a while.” which isn’t a surprise—he’s a star player for a reason.

then, before you know it, you’re sat with star player, isagi yoichi on the rusty, unused set of bleachers so far away from the stadium, talking about football and family and friends and god fucking knows what for god fucking knows how long and damn, he’s such an agreeable person off the field it’s kind of scary.

when rin finally jogs up to your meeting place, the two of you are in the middle of a conversation about him—isagi complaining, you entertaining those complaints, and vice versa.

before you leave, isagi asks for your instagram. your boyfriend stands behind you patiently, his hand in yours, waiting for you two to finish talking so he can go home and pass out right next to you.

—

“see? this is what i meant.”

you stand there, dumbfounded as you stare at his back—bachira meguru is a fucking monster. you’d only just gotten on the field with him, after his more-than-annoying (according to rin) pleas to just let him see you play, because rin never tells them anything about you, but also because bachira’s only ever made friends through soccer and wants to see if he can make one in you.

you glance over at your boyfriend once he says this, brows drawn together slightly.

“you don’t stand a chance.”, he grins, and you know he’s trying to egg you on even though nothing on his face gives it away—he’s as passive as ever, and you just know the moment you turn away there’s a massive smirk on his face. that’s just how rin is.

“once more?”, bachira suggests, so boyishly interested it’s kind of adorable, and you can’t help but glance over at rin for the time and see him nod, already about to say yes.

by the end of the night, you’re vastly out of breath and you’re sure you’ve pulled a couple of muscles, but you’ve got the two-toned kid’s number in your phone and get to open your messages the next morning to a couple selfies of your boyfriend, bachira, and a couple of their other friends that rin would’ve kept a secret til the day he died. they’re all so sweet.

you tap on shidou’s private account, scrolling through a couple of his recents and catching a few pictures of your boyfriend, his brother, and a couple of blue lock’s prodigies you’d met in passing but never actually got close to. on isagi’s professional, you see a couple awards and random photodumps, because of course he’s that kind of person, even going as far as attaching some stupidly inspiring quotes as captions. bachira’s is pretty much empty, but your and his dms are packed with kaomojis, reaction memes, misused capitals and curse words, and an ever-present how are you?

you bite back a whimper, feeling the tears build up again because though they’re all your friends, the person who brought them to you, who introduced you to each other—in some weird, roundabout way—was the only person you’d ever ached to see. to speak to. to love. rin itoshi is still in your heart, and even though you don’t need him anymore, he’s not going to leave.

your heart is on fire—and it hurts.

“i love you, i think.”

seated across from him on the couch after a long, long day, you figure there’ll never be a good time to say it, and that with someone like him, it’s better to just get it out, tell him straight up. for a moment, silence reigns over the two of you, and it’s almost fucking suffocating. your heart is racing, almost beating out of your chest, and you swear he’d definitely be able to hear it if this kept up—

“for how long?” he asks, and you can hear the tremor in his voice even though he’s trying to pretend. his phone screen has gone dark, and his fingers have stilled in their subconscious thrumming along the edge of the couch, both clear indications of his very much expected shock.

“i don’t know,” you say “probably since that first time you came up to me, right after a game.”

he looks at you then, incredulous because honest to god, it should be embarrassing, how long ago that was. there was something, a meaning, a stronger feeling behind the way your heart skipped a beat when he ran up to you in the stands, something deeper, in the way you reached out to hold his chin and praise him.

“that was more than half a year ago.”

“i know.”

it’s obvious your friends were lying, because how could you get over him? the love of your life, with just a snap of your fingers? they must not have known how deep your love ran for him. he wasn’t just rin, he was your first, your only love.

it would’ve never been so easy to get over him—this thing you had would never fade, at least not for you.

“i love you, too.”

you halt in your movements, once carefully dicing the vegetables you were prepping for rin’s birthday dinner. it would be the first time you’d be meeting his brother properly, after seeing him in passing so after after and during, even before rin’s games. his parents you were used to, and his friends were yours, so it wasn’t too nerve-wracking.

the rice cooker dings the moment your knife stops on the cutting board, and you’re left to stare at it, completely dumbfounded, as rin carefully unplugs the machine and gets started on dishing everything. he said it so carelessly, so easily, that your surprise is warranted. from what you know of him there’s no way he just said that so casually.

“sorry?”, you squeak out, setting your knife down at the top of the board, still facing away from him but turning your head just enough to be able to see him, if only through your peripherals. he looks back at you, standing just behind you on the counter next to the cooker, and shrugs.

“i love you, too.”

then, the doorbell rings—you can hear his mother hush his father from outside, an affectionate gesture, before rin leaves and goes to let them in.

like a mockery, as you catch yourself reminiscing, the doorbell rings. it’s the same doorbell, and what’s so strange to you is that it’s the same time as it was that night. it’s not something you could ever forget, that moment having engraved itself into your brain, detail for fucking detail. at 7:08pm on the ninth of september almost two years ago, rin itoshi told you he loved you.

you move to the door to grab your takeout, knowing yourself well enough to know this is how his win would affect you. his first official, big game since the two of you ended it—the flame that is your heart, burning solely for him, is never going to go out.

when you unlock the door and tug it open, pulling out a wad of cash to give the delivery person, you have to stop because the person on the other side of the door isn’t carrying any food—they’re not wearing that ugly-looking uniform that any delivery company employee wears, and they’re certainly not who the fuck you’re expecting to see.

standing on the other side is your ex-boyfriend, supposed love of your life, rin itoshi. he’s wearing his fucking football jersey, hair sticking to his face in a way that must be uncomfortable, he’s got a medal strung around his neck, and his gaze is lost, afraid—

he looks like he ran here, like the first thing he did once he got off that bus was come to you—he’d only posted that an hour ago, and you knew rin’d found an apartment way too fucking far away from you to not hurt, when you’d broken it off, but why is he here? why would he run, you’re not together anymore, he said he couldn’t love you anymore—

“i love you,” he says, and the whole world fucking stops.

914 notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

8:20pm — itoshi rin

“rin, you’re not supposed to be up!” you exclaim as you saw the olive-haired male walking towards the living room. you could’ve sworn that you just tucked him in not even twenty minutes ago.

“stop talking… i’m fine.” rin slurred as he all but threw himself on the couch, eyes drowsy and voice clogged, his face was a subtle flush of red. he tried to glare at you but his usually sharp teal eyes looked clouded, his cheeks were poutier than usual.

“no you’re not. you’re about to collapse.” you say but was ignored by your stubborn boyfriend as he turns on the tv.

“i’ll go back to bed in a while, i just need to watch the match.” rin slurs out as he increases the volume, hazy teal eyes watching as intently as he could.

you sighed before walking away, knowing that your boyfriend wasn’t going to be leaving the couch any time soon.

“get up for a second.” you say as you came back, a throw blanket in your hands as you open it up from folding and placing it on top of your sick boyfriend.

rin complies with a bit of difficulty, his body feeling heavy as you wrap the comfortable cloth around his frame and slotting yourself between him and the couch, resulting in him leaning on you when he was comfortable.

“you’re such a headache to deal with when you’re sick.” you mutter as you card your fingers through his olive hair.

“no, ‘m not.” you hear him say as he feels himself get lulled to sleep, eyes trying hard to watch the match playing on screen.

“it’s fine to sleep, rin. you’re supposed to be doing that anyway…” you whisper the last part mostly to yourself but rin heard it as he tightens his grip around you. you wipe the beading sweat on his forehead and gave it a peck.

“how are you going to get better if you’re trying to fatigue yourself even more right now.” you sigh. rin only shakes his head before he repeats that he wasn’t tired and he’d just watch until half time. you only nodded, not stopping your fingers from scratching lightly at his scalp as you watched his opponents match with him.

not even ten minutes later, you pause with your combing as you feel your boyfriend’s body leaned more onto you, his body weight pinning you down and snores leaving his mouth, his grip on you becoming lax.

“not tired, huh?” you quietly chuckle to yourself as you press another kiss to his warm forehead, causing him to unconsciously lean further into you.

“such a baby.” you shake your head with a smile, closing your eyes and trying to meet in his dreams just to tease him. your peaceful, tired, boyfriend rested comfortably against you.

maybe he was a bit tired. just a bit.

note/s: i just love clingy!rin so much you do not understand.

masterlist

2K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

“GOD, I’M SO FUCKING IN LOVE WITH YOU.”

3k words -> the bracelet you make isagi ends up becoming his most prized possession, and his lucky charm. afab! reader

miss @yaakultt my dearly beloved several snack runs have been run since i promised to type this up for you many a moons ago but now i’m goddamn here to deliver 😤😤 hope you enjoyed your boba!! now come get your soft (and occasional still feral! 👀) isagi <33

cw: mostly fluff, but sassy isagi does make an appearance. slight suggestive themes. cursing. this is barely proofread we die like men. also the way this was supposed to be short and sweet nah clearly i’m incapable of doing that 💀💀

“you made this? for me?”

there’s a hitch to his voice, as if he needs to push the words through a mesh strainer in his throat - but he prevails, gaze bouncing between your face and the colourful bracelet in your outstretched palms. the cobalt of his eyes glisten with so many stars you’re convinced they sucked in the night sky whole.

under his unrelenting focus, the corners of your lip quirk up into a nervous grin on their own accord. the memories of your amateur craftsmanship are still crisp in your mind like a sheet of freshly fallen snow. you’ve spent embarrassingly long hours on this - gingerly deliberating which colour strings would suit him, then trying your best to make the knots look even and stick to the pattern.

it feels more intimate than you’d thought it would, strangely, gifting him something you dedicated an overflowing amount of time, effort - and so so much genuine, loving care to.

“yeah! wanted you to have it as a reminder that i’m always cheering you on no matter what, since, ya know, i probably won’t be able to make it to all of your games. i am but one girl, after all.”

isagi goes incredibly still, stunned all the way into next week, mouth agape like a fish suddenly sprung out of water. with your nerves already feeling like they’ve been diced thin in a blender, you immediately jump to the wrong conclusion.

“no pressure for you to wear it, obviously,” you chuckle, but there’s little humour in it when, through this new, panic-induced light, the fumbles and imperfections of your handiwork that you deemed barely noticeable (or at least passable) before now seem to poke your eyes out like a vicious flock of crows.

“it is uh, very very wonky-lookin’ so–”

“no.”

while your relationship with isagi is still in its early stages, you’ve known him long enough by now to learn that wherever soccer’s not concerned, he turns into an absolute sweetheart - a man with an ultimately sincere and kind soul.

he borderline acts like one of those lame, rom-com cliche boyfriends, but you never had the heart to tell him, nor had any real desire for his behaviour to change. not when all of his stupid, cheesy antics make you want to kiss him into a lovesick puddle - a response he’s eager to receive each and every time.

there’s no trace of that endearingness now, however, as his muscled chest falls and crests in waves underneath his sweat-soaked practice shirt, a slight heave to his breathing. his stubborn gaze clings to you still, not having wondered once, so you don’t miss the tendril of assertiveness blazing in his eyes - a little leftover ego from the field he brought home with him today.

“no,” he repeats, and your toes curl, because his voice sounds just as raspy as when he rouses in the morning. “you’re not just a girl, baby. you’re the girl, yeah? my girl.”

Keep reading

4K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

"oh, you got a text from rin."

you're holding sae's phone because his hands are full with toilet paper rolls. he's about to lean over to see the message but the grocery line finally starts moving, so sae instead gently kicks the heavy basket at his feet forward.

"what did he say?" he asks, relying on you to relay the message.

"get me oat milk," you read out.

"...that's it?" sae asks, rolling his eyes.

"well, he said please. like, 'p-l-s.'"

"just ignore him," sae sighs. "i asked him if he needed anything before i left and he said nothing."

"oh, okay." you pocket his phone again only for another ding! to sound. when you pull out the device, it's rin again. "he said don't ignore me, i want oat milk. get me oat milk."

"tell him no and that we're already in line."

you do as he says, typing out his message verbatim. you find it kind of humorous that sae and rin's chat history is just a repeated series of questions and one-worded responses. no emojis, no jokes, no brotherly expressions of endearment.

rin's reply is instantaneous. "he says since there's both of us, i could wait in line while you get the oat milk."

"no, i don't want to."

"i could go get it for him then—"

"no," sae cuts in. "you don't have to do that. it's his fault for not thinking hard enough about what he wanted when i asked him."

"should i tell him that?"

"just ignore him," he says for a second time.

"oh, look, he's calling," you say, answering the phone while ignoring the frantic look in sae's eyes—one that's definitely telling you not to pick up. "hi, rin! yup. he's here, yeah. about ten minutes ago, i think? mhmm. is that all? are you sure you don't want anything else?"

sae watches you with narrowed eyes before mouthing, give it to me.

"sae wants to say something by the way," you say, bringing the phone up to your boyfriend's ear and holding it for him all the while.

"no," sae immediately says, and you don't have to know what rin is saying to know sae is just cutting him off. "i don't care. i asked you at home and i even texted you when we got here. so, no. boo, that's not my problem."

sae pulls away from the phone and tells you to hang up. you do so with a pinch of guilt, watching in amusement as his notifications fill up with more messages from his brother.

you hum, leaning into sae's line of sight to get his attention. "you really are petty sometimes," you note.

sae gives you a look, "only to rin. not to you."

"i beg to differ."

"why's that?" he says, tilting his head to the side.

"well, there was that one time i told you oliver asked to hang out on the same day we had plans and even though i was merely informing you about it, you were still sulky and mad about it."

"i wasn't mad."

"yeah, you were. even now, sometimes when you're mildly annoyed, i'd say something and you'd reply, 'i don't know, go ask oliver'," you say, imitating his deadpan voice.

sae gives you that look again and you know that if his hands weren't full right now, he'd squish your cheeks together with his thumb and forefinger just to get you to shut up.

the line moves forward again until you're finally at the conveyor belt. it's only after he helps unload all the items from the basket that sae turns to you and says, "wait for me."

he dashes off immediately and you didn't even have to ask what he's getting. the smile that tugs at the corner of your lips is completely involuntarily as you watch sae return with a carton of oat milk in hand.

"what?"

"shall i tell rin that his nice big brother actually got him his oat milk?"

"don't you dare."

sae moves ahead of you in the line and you watch as he hands the cashier the oat milk. you knew he'd grab it for rin in the end anyway. sae is always like that; reluctant with his kindness, perhaps, but never stingy with it. he's a good boyfriend to you, the best you've ever had, and you knew he must've had a ton of practice by being a good older brother to rin. not once have you ever doubted that.

8K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

"rin, what the hell are you doing?"

"taking out the seeds?"

"why?"

"you said you don't like seeds on your fruits?"

the whole thing could have been romantic really. your stoic, six foot tall boyfriend sitting beside you on the floor, taking out the seeds on your fruit because you don't like it? how attentive and sweet of him.

except right now, it's anything but that. rin is sitting next to you, plate on the table and a toothpick in hand. all those shuffling you keep hearing, while working on an english essay due next week, was because of him.

now that you look at him, you can't help but gasp in disbelief. your stoic, six footer boyfriend sitting beside you on the floor was picking out the seeds of a strawberry with a toothpick. "what the fuck, rin?"

"take one over there, i'm done with four." he picked up a strawberry and brought it to your face. hesitantly, you take it from him and wow, there's really no seeds left. "four? rin, how long have you been picking out the seeds?"

"for a while now." a while? is it still a 'while' even if it's already been six hours? you don't dare to ask anymore.

"rin, you could've just left the strawberries as is." you sighed, bring your hand up to brush his hair away from his face. rin took your hand, caressing your palm. "but you said you don't like the seeds."

"i know babe. but the strawberry seeds are small enough, you can't really be bothered when eating them." rin lets out the smallest of frowns adorn his face. moving closer, he leaned his body to yours, cheek against your shoulder. your hand continued its ministration with his hair. twisting the strands and smoothing them after.

"does it apply to bananas, too?"

"you've been taking out the seeds of the bananas? is that why you take so long when i ask for one?

"... you said you don't like seeds on your fruits."

"rin?!"

likes & reblogs are appreciated !

#blue lock #ineedamanlikethisasap

12K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

stay

synopsis: wherein your ex-boyfriend crashes drunk on your couch.

warnings: sad rinnie, insecure rinnie, i just wanna give rinnie a hug :((, rin is just too impulsive for his own good. angst to fluff

note/s: firstly i would like to say that this was longer than i thought it would be because this was only meant to be a little drabble but it turned into a full fledged fic (whoops) and secondly i would just like to thank @kakujis for helping me kickstart this by choosing the character (this would've stayed so long in the drafts otherwise bc i'm indecisive.) ilysm thank u and i hope all of you enjoy the fic (and give rin a hug because he needs one >:(()

wc: 2k

masterlist

“i don’t see how this is my problem.” you say as you stare at the two soccer players holding itoshi rin, your ex-boyfriend in the middle, his form was slumped against the two and his face was flushed red. if you looked close enough, you can see tear stains by the bottom of his lids but you’d think of it as sweat. it was easier that way.

“we know.” isagi starts as he sighs. “but he’s being so difficult and all he kept saying was your name. we asked for his address but he directed us here.” the ravenette said, grunting as rin leaned his entire weight on him.

“look, we broke up. i have no responsibility over him, isagi, nagi.” you say before looking at your ex, heart aching at the incoherent mumbles that sounds like your name.

you were about to close the door to your apartment, only to be stopped by nagi placing his foot by the door and pushing it forward.

“i’m sorry, (y/n), but your boyfriend is being such a hassle and i want to go home and sleep already.” nagi says as he walks into your apartment, pulling along isagi who was supporting the unconscious itoshi who was then placed– dropped, on your couch, the male just letting out a grunt but not waking up.

“ex.” you corrected, nagi rolled his eyes, clearly too tired to deal with this back and forth conversation. “whatever. just let him stay, i’m sure he’ll figure himself out when he wakes up.” nagi says before bowing in goodbye. “well, we’ll be off.”

isagi looks at you and gives you a sad sigh.

“once bachira and reo provoked him enough to drink, he couldn’t stop talking about you. he won’t tell us what happened, but clearly it’s impacting him a lot. he was told off by ego today, his plays were shit. make of that information as you wish.” was all he said before he followed his snowy haired friend.

they left as fast as they came, you stood frozen as the door to your apartment closed. a sigh escapes your lips as you peered towards rin, who seemed to have recognized the scent of your apartment and is now nuzzling his intoxicated head onto one of your throw pillows.

as much as you would’ve loved to just go back into your room and pretend that your ex wasn’t crashing on your couch, you knew that you still loved rin and you couldn’t just turn your back on him, no matter how much your breakup broke you.

your breakup was anticlimactic. maybe that’s why it hurts. maybe that’s why three weeks later, there is still this lingering poison that grows every time you think about him. your breakup didn’t have proper closure. it was one-sided with rin calling you up from his phone and telling you that it was over, no explanation and when you tried calling him back, your number was blocked.

and again, you’d want to give him a taste of his own medicine and just leave him here until he leaves in the morning, but you know you couldn’t do that. so with a heavy sigh, you try to adjust your ex in a much more comfortable position.

“don’t touch me.” you jerked back once you hear rin’s cold voice, you looked at his face and saw that his eyes were still closed. “i have someone waiting for me at home.” he mumbled before falling once more into unconsciousness.

you try to pretend that his words didn’t give you a flutter in your stomach, but then again. he’s rin itoshi, your breakup was three weeks ago, who’s to say he hasn’t found someone new?

though, if that were the case, why did isagi and nagi bring him to your apartment? you shook your head as you snapped out of your thoughts. what’s done is done. you’re only doing this because you would feel bad if you didn’t, it’s not because you still cared. or so you try to convince yourself.

“i said don’t touch me… only want (y/n)...” rin says as you grab onto his arm. you froze in your spot, your heart was pounding in your chest. you didn’t know if you should speak now or just let him assume you were someone else, but once he tries dodging your touch once more, you spoke up.

“it’s me, rin.” hazy teal eyes opened to look at yours and his mouth drops open ever so slightly. “(y-y/n)...” he tried to make conversation but his eyes just fell and his body slumped down, heavy breaths leaving his body.

once he heard your voice, you noticed that there was no resistance when you tried to move him to a more comfortable position. you took your couch blanket and tucked him in before moving to go back to your room, only to be interrupted by a whimper coming from the intoxicated male.

“i am so sorry, (y/n).” you say nothing.

as you walked back to your room and tucked yourself in, closing your eyes and pretended that the past 25 minutes didn’t happen.

when you woke up, the apartment was silent. good.

it meant that you didn’t have to deal with the aftermath and that he had already left, it was best to pretend last night’s events never occurred. you drowsily got up and walked outside your room, preparing yourself to start your day only to stop in your tracks once you see your ex’s dark olive hair from behind your couch, an unintentional gasp left your lips as rin’s teal eyes snap towards yours.

“(y/n)–” “leave.” you say, trying to lock yourself in your room but he was faster as he holds your wrist, stopping you from your actions.

“(y/n), please.”

“no, rin.”

“please… can we talk about this?” you almost let out an offended expression at the words rin let out. “weren’t you the one who broke it off?” you couldn’t help but rebut, voice cold and it almost made rin shiver but he could only look down on the ground in shame.

“(y/n)...” “no rin, you don’t get to break up then fucking ghost me without giving me an explanation and now demand that we talk. it doesn’t work that way.” you say as you rip your hand away from his, walking towards the bedroom only to hear rin let out a broken “please.”

you stop in your tracks, fist clenching by your side as you try to keep your ground.

“he couldn’t stop talking about you. he won’t tell us what happened, but clearly it’s impacting him a lot.” you couldn’t help but remember isagi’s words, and you wanted to slap the ravenette for giving you a sliver of hope with it.

you were trying so hard to convince that world that you were faring well, but even if you convince the entire universe that you’ve moved on and don’t want an explanation, you would only be fooling yourself.

“you have five minutes.” is all you said as you walked turned around to face him before walking over to the couch and sitting yourself on it. you hear rin take a sharp inhale of breath before he stumbles over his first words.

“i’m sorry.” he begins, not exactly knowing how to continue.

in all honesty, this was truly the first time he felt helpless. “i was scared…”

and before you could ask what he was scared about, he looked into your eyes and you were surprised to see the raw vulnerability into his bleary teal eyes.

“everything was getting too real and i didn’t want to be left alone again. not anymore.” he says quietly as he looks down, getting surprised with himself that he just let it out without any inhibitions.

“remember when i told you how sae left when i was younger?” you nod. “and how our dog ran away when i was eight?” another nod.

“the night i broke up with you is the night where the intrusive thoughts were so fucking loud. it reminded me that maybe… maybe i was meant to be abandoned because there’s just no fucking way someone would stay for me.” rin says as he places his face into his hands as he continues.

“it was so bad that the next thing i knew, i blocked your number. when i realized what i did, it was already too late.” rin laughs bitterly as he faces you once more. “these three weeks were hell and i have no one to blame but myself.” he says before he stops talking abruptly. his eyelids tightly shut as he bites the bottom of his lip slightly, overwhelmed with the feelings he’s having right now.

he was mad that he let himself get drunk. he was mad at himself for projecting his abandonment issues onto you, who stayed during his worst and his best. who made him feel like he was indeed loveable, who looked at him as if he hung the stars. who gave him love that he didn’t think he deserved.

so why must he ruin it now? rin doesn’t know. all he knows is that he fucked up and he doesn’t know where to go from here.

a warm hand encloses around the clenched fists on his lap. rin’s eyes snap open to see yours looking at him with warmth.

“i get it, rin. you don’t need to continue.” “no. you don’t.” your eyes widened at his words and before you could ask what he meant, he beats you to it.

“i ruined the one good constant i had in my life just because i was scared of repeating the past.” rin says as he intertwines your hands together and brings it up to his lips.

“i’m so sorry. you deserve better than someone like me.” “you don’t get to tell me what i deserve, rin.” you say as your free hand makes its way to his face and turns it towards you.

“i get it. insecurities are loud and sometimes, it’s too overwhelming that we listen to it and let it affect us. i get it.” you say, “but don’t think for a second that i would abandon you because i would never.” you say as you wipe a stray tear that cascaded down his cheek.

“i knew what i was getting into all those years ago when you asked me out, i knew that you had your own issues to resolve and that didn’t deter me from saying yes and becoming yours.”

“i love you, rin.” rin let’s out a whimper as he grips the hand holding his face.

“i’m so sorry. i love you.” you nod at his words. “i know. but this really hurt rin, please. just talk to me.”

rin nods. “can we please start over?” you bit your lip in thought and rin watched with his heart trying to escape his chest.

“no.”

rin feels his whole world stop. but he couldn’t blame you. you did deserve better.

“i want us to continue where we left off.”

what?

you wanted to laugh at rin’s widened eyes and frozen stature.

“it would be such a waste of two years if we had to start all over again, no?” rin was still frozen for a few seconds, a blush arising to his cheeks.

“y-yeah. i guess so.” you gave him a smile before standing up, only to get pulled down on his lap as his arms wrap around you.

“thank you.” rin whispers by your ear. for giving me another chance. for loving me as i am. for staying. he wants to say, but the words don’t come out as you wrap your arms back around him. “please don’t leave me.” he continued, not letting you get out of his hold.

he felt you press a kiss on his cheek, his grip on you tighter. his heart beats quicker at your next words as he was foolish to have ever thought otherwise.

“i’m here to stay.”

5K notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

My Saviour [Itoshi Rin]

→ Itoshi Rin x fem!reader

Summary: Rin doesn't think he can spend a minute longer in Sae's penthouse with him or his lukewarm fiancé. He needs to escape, and that's where you, his saviour, come in!

Word Count: 2,497

Genre: A bit of angst and fluff!

Warning: Rin and Sae are aged up, around their early 20's! Itoshi brothers also don't get along (((・・;)

a/n: I've practically read all the Rin fanfictions I can find, so I had to make do with what I could to cure my boredom :( I genuinely don't even know what this is... so umm enjoy!

Rin would instead do so many other things right now than to be here for dinner in Sae's penthouse with their parents. He'd rather have Bachira bleed his ears out than be in the same room as Sae with his stupid current fiancé.

He doesn't even know why he was invited tonight. The pair haven't spoken a word in so long, especially after Rin argued with Sae's so-called lover after she rudely told him off for being disrespectful to Sae one evening. And in Rin's defence, he wasn't being disrespectful. But he assumes it's because of their parents, who probably nagged Sae to at least invite his younger brother for this special occasion.

And Rin couldn't care less in reality. He didn't want to be here with them. They didn't even want him here, so why is he here?! He hates Sae's stupid fiancé and wishes nothing but the worst for their engagement and future marriage.

Was it petty? Sure, but Rin had a right to be that way. He had every right to hate the woman who would be taking on the Itoshi last name. She had the nerve to interfere with a brother's quarrel that she knew nothing about. Rin wondered if she'd even speak a word if she knew Sae was the reason for the hatred the two share now. And anyway, who was she to tell Rin off? It isn't his fault that his brother somehow manages to hit a nerve each time, and for all Rin knows, Sae deserved the words coming out of his mouth.

He hates everything about this.

But most of all, he hates how his brother found love. He hates how Sae can be so tender, as if he didn't tear his heart into pieces. He hates it all so much. Because Rin knows any chances the two could have reconciled is over. Sae has someone else he can prioritise now and look after. The days of Rin being the younger one eagerly following Sae along is long gone.

So Rin can't help but be grumpy as he stabs his steak. He wonders if the stupid woman may have poisoned his meal when Sae wasn't looking. And honestly, he hopes that's the case.

His mother can't help but look at her youngest son in pity. She wonders if asking Sae to invite him was the right call. Because as she stares at Rin, she can't help but to think he would be in a better mood if he was elsewhere.

Rin was the first to finish his meal, prompting him to get up and take his plate to the sink. And he doesn't know if he's doing this because of his good manners, despite wanting to commit murder, or because he needs to get away from the table, even for a minute.

He doesn't leave room for anyone to question his behaviour as he instantly walks out of the dining room to the kitchen without a word.

Upon arriving at the kitchen, Rin can't help but grunt whilst unintentionally slamming his plate on the sink, causing him to flinch ever so slightly.

"Shit." He hoped no one heard that because he'd rather not get scolded for trying to break Sae's tableware, which he wasn't even attempting to do.

And to his dismay, he can hear his mother yelling from the dining room. "Rin dear, your phone is ringing! From someone named Y/N?"

Rin blinks and instantly turns his head to his mother's voice. Now he wasn't expecting that; if anything, he was expecting a scolding. He wasn't expecting a call from you, but maybe that's precisely what he needs.

You prefer texting Rin and only seem to call if you want to urgently reach him to go somewhere together. And he hopes that's the case because it could be a good enough excuse to leave.

Rin rushes back to the room before the call can end and answers it, hoping you want his presence by your side. He can't stay here for another minute, he might actually explode.

"RIN, MY LOVE!!! The dessert place we saw last week finally opened up! Let's go, let's go, let's go!" You squeak in excitement, catching the young athlete off guard. Actually, you caught the entire Itoshi family off guard with your chirping voice that could be heard through the phone.

Now, the word of endearment is something familiar to Rin. You occasionally call him "my love" and "dear" at times, a force of habit you say as you call your high school friends that. But his family surely doesn't know that- they don't even know you!

"..."

"Rin? Hey, can you hear meeeee?"

"Did I hear that correctly? My love?" Rin's mother questions, her voice mixed with confusion and shock. She couldn't believe her ears; surely she had heard wrong!

Rin doesn't answer you or his mother. He completely shut down, frozen in place. This is the last thing he expected to happen. How is he even going to explain this?

His father can only stare at Rin, waiting for him to explain whether his wife's statement was correct.

Sae blinks, and despite there not being a single emotion written on his face, he is surprised, to say the least. Because Rin isn't one to confine himself to a relationship. After all, in high school, he was the one who rejected all his Valentine's gifts and returned them all back.

And Sae's fiancé? Stunned. The widening of her eyes and mouth agape whilst gawking at Rin doesn't go unnoticed by him. And he hates that because what's so shocking? If she can deal with Sae's lukewarm stuck-up ass, surely someone can love him too.

You finally caught on, hearing Mrs Itoshi's voice causing panic to rise in you, "...Oh- Rin, I'm so sorry!!! I forgot you were-"

And Rin can't say you're friends now. No, that would mean more questions. And he doesn't have time for that.

But Rin would be lying if he said he didn't secretly enjoy that no one can utter a word after their endless chattering. And honestly, one-upping Sae seems rather tempting after the torture he has just been put through.

"I'll be there." He cuts you off whilst grabbing his jacket from the chair. He doesn't even spare a glance at his family before saying, "I'm heading out."

"ITOSHI RIN!!! Don't you dare leave without saying anything about this matter." His mother glares at him sternly, determined to get a word out of him.

Oh, that scared you. And you can't help but feel bad. You should have known better. Before you can apologise once again, Rin beats you to speaking.

"My girlfriend is clingy. Happy?" He rolls his eyes and ends the call before you can scream into his ear again.

"Ah... it seems he has been keeping someone from us." His father chuckles whilst eyeing his youngest son with amusement.

His mother blinks, taking a minute to process what her youngest son said. And as the words finally clicked, she couldn't help but excitedly squeal. "Rin, that's great news!!! You must-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll introduce you to her soon." He cuts her off with a wave of his hand. "But I got to go, she's on her own."

"Yes, yes, hurry, hurry. You shouldn't leave a lady waiting, especially not at night." His father nods in agreement.

And with that, Rin heads off, feeling rather relieved he's out of that lukewarm penthouse.

"RIN!!!" You dash towards him, clutching onto his jacket before shaking him non-stop. "YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS CLINGLY? YOU'RE THE CLINGY ONE!"

You glare at him, but the flushness of your cheeks doesn't go unnoticed by the striker.

"Am not." He simply replies, firmly grabbing your wrists to prevent you from further shaking him.

"ARE TOO!" You huff, yanking your hands away from him. "And I'm not your girlfriend. Why would you tell your family that?!"

"Yeah, but what was I supposed to say after you called me my love?"

"I always say that! What's so weird about someone calling their friend that anyway?" You cross your arms defensively.

Truth be told, you're not actually mad. Having Rin declare you as his girlfriend to his parents sends butterflies down your stomach and makes you smile like a dork. But you're confused and need clarification about why he would do something unordinary. It's unlike him. And you don't appreciate being used as a scapegoat about something like this- not when you're in love with him.

Rin sighs and ruffles his hair before answering your question in annoyance, "Seriously, Y/N? Why would I let anyone call me that, specifically someone from the opposite gender?"

You blink. "Huh?"

"I wouldn't let anyone call me a lukewarm word like that."

"Oh... so it's lukewarm now?" You question in a small voice, and Rin instantly notices how your eyes seem to turn glossy.

"No, no- that's not what I mean!" He huffs, annoyed with how he sucks at explaining himself. "I mean, I wouldn't let anyone say that to me, get it? They wouldn't believe you're a friend after saying that to me and not getting some insult back."

And that's when it clicks, and your face instantly turns bright red because he's right! Why does he even let you call him that?! The Itoshi Rin that everyone knows would scowl at you and probably cuss you out for even saying the word love to him, let alone as a nickname.

"O-oh... you're right... b-but..."

"But?" Rin raises his eyebrow, waiting impatiently for you to finish your sentence.

"Why do you let me call you that?" You say as you look up at Rin with confusion mixed with curiosity.

And Rin swears he can feel his heart hammer against his chest because the way you look at him isn't as innocent as you think. He thinks this situation may not be better than what he endured half an hour ago.

Not because he doesn't want to be here with you, but he'd rather not admit the certain way his heart beats anytime you're around him. He's devoted to his career and doesn't need anything else. Or so he thought, till now.

Maybe it's because he just returned from Sae's, who happens to be recently engaged, but Rin can't seem to deny the way his heart is pounding in his chest any longer. It's the same type of adrenaline he gets near the end of the game when he's minutes away from scoring the winning goal.

"Rin?" You call out, hoping to capture his attention again.

"I don't know." He breathes out, trying to steady his breathing.

"You don't know...?" The fall of your expression causes Rin's chest to tighten, and he hates how shitty he feels for being the cause of that expression.

"Shit, no, I do know."

You awkwardly laugh, giving him a sleepish smile. "Don't worry. You don't need to say it if it makes you uncomfortable. I'll just die from curiosity." You tease, hoping to ease his unsettledness.

"No. I do." He stares at you, teal eyes burning into yours. You gulp, suddenly feeling so small under his gaze.

"I..." The words get caught in Rin's throat, frustrating him. A scowl forms on his features. He can't believe he's acting like this right now. The Itoshi Rin can't even tell the girl he's helplessly in love with that he loves her.

But you don't show a hint of annoyance. You continue to stare at him with your bright eyes, urging him silently to continue. And Rin loses his composure that minute.

"Screw it." He abruptly yanks you by the hand towards his chest, catching you off guard. And you don't even have time to process it before he smashes his lips onto yours.

Itoshi Rin was never a man of words, so why start now?

It takes a minute for you to realise what just happened. The sudden collision to his chest, only to be met with his lips straight after. It felt like whiplash. But you can't help but to melt into his lips, kissing him back just as passionately.

For a moment, Rin forgets he's in public, completely lost in your love and the taste of your lips. That is till he hears a little girl giggling, watching the scene with her sparkly eyes.

"Look, look, they're in love, mummy!" She screeches excitedly, jumping up and down. "It's like the fairy tales!"

Rin immediately pulls away from you, catching his breath before turning to the little girl, embarrassed. His ears are tainted red and his usual deadpan expression is nowhere to be seen.

And you? Oh, you're just as embarrassed. Your cheeks are flushed, and you can't help but subtly hide behind Rin's tall figure.

"Sorry... you shouldn't have seen that." Rin clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck in an attempt to calm himself down from the adrenaline.

The little girl's mother simply shakes her head, smiling at Rin. "Please, don't mind her. She's been recently obsessed with cute couples after all the fairy tales she's been reading."

And Rin doesn't know what to say. In return, he can only offer a polite smile, hoping it is enough to be considered an apology for making out in front of a child.

The little girl smiles, and if you weren't so embarrassed, you would have wanted to squish her chubby cheeks.

Her mother simply chuckles at Rin's awkwardness and bids you both farewell before dragging her daughter along, who waves excitedly at the two of you.

You glance up at Rin shortly, letting out a small giggle. You can't help it. The situation was humiliating enough, and you can't bear to say a word to Rin, but his expression is too cute to ignore.

"What?" He glances down at you, attempting to hide his flustered expression. To his dismay, it's obvious to you.

You laugh, going on your tippytoes to kiss him on the cheek. "You're cute, too cute!"

"Am not." He huffs, a scowl forming on his features. But the way his lips curve slightly into a smile doesn't go unnoticed by you.

"Are too~"

He grunts, flicking your forehead.

"H-hey!" That hurt!" You whine, hands instantly reaching to hold your forehead.

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just go."

"Go where...?" You blink, staring at him confused.

And Rin can't help but chuckle at your cluelessness. He wonders if you know how cute you can be at times. But he won't tell you that, not now, at least. "To the dessert place, remember?"

"OH! Right! Let's go!" You grin, grabbing his hand excitedly.

Rin hums, intertwining his fingers with yours before tugging you along.

And he's glad the day ended with him by your side rather than spending another minute in Sae's penthouse.

Yeah, Rin doesn't need his brother's affection when he has someone who can give him the love he craves.

697 notes · View notes

parkjiminiemouse · 1 year

Text

➪the one where you leave and leon lets you.

Warnings: no spoilers for re4 remake, angst, mentions of infidelity, ada being a sneaky b!tch, this is pure angst, mentions of blood, mentions of trauma, mentions of death, abuse, toxic relationships, abusive relationships, swearing

Word Count: 2.7k

Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine <3

Leon’s leg had not stopped bouncing since you walked out the door of your shared apartment. That was nearly an hour ago and he hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch, where his elbows pressed to his knees and his hands pressed against his mouth.

He stared at the coffee table, and more specifically, at the small box that he placed on it just a few seconds after you left.

How had things become this screwed up? How did he let you slip away? Why didn’t he try to stop you when you fled the apartment with nothing but tears in your eyes?

You didn’t even take your phone in your rush to get away from him. He found that out when he entered the communal area of the apartment and looked all over for you before deciding to just call you. Your phone went off and it was then he realised that you had left it on the kitchen counter.

That was when he disappeared back into your shared room and rummaged around in his drawers for the box he bought six months ago. It was a month later when he made, he was sure, the biggest mistake of his life.

Leon needed information that only few had, one being a person he wanted to keep in his past forever. Somehow everything always came back to Ada, as frustrating as it was, and that was how he found himself tracking her down.

Turns out she was in the area and was more than willing to give Leon the information….but not without a cost. And the cost was the one thing he swore he would never involve in this part of his life. You.

She didn’t threaten you or anything, but she did insist on him partaking in things that would surely ruin your relationship. Fast forward to now and those things came back to bite him. Hard.

The sound of the door opening tore him out of his thoughts and instantly his eyes were on you. He turned his head and watched as you entered the apartment and closed the door behind you, fiddling with your fingers as you avoided eye contact.

You stand by the door for a few seconds, debating on turning right back around and leaving again, or just getting this over with. One sharp intake of breath later had you slowly walking over to Leon. He didn’t dare move or open his mouth to apologize as he watched you with guilty eyes, afraid that you would leave him again if he were to ambush you with all the thoughts that ran through his head in the last hour.

He missed you.

He was terrified that you wouldn’t come back to him.

He loved you more than life itself.

He needed you. And it scared him.

He never allowed himself to rely on others as he had been betrayed too many times to count, but he quickly gave that rule up when he met you. Not only did he rely on you to be his escape from the cruel, bad world, but he also relied on you to be the one person he trusted the most, the one person who would never turn their back to him.

Yet here you were, hesitating to sit beside him. How did things go so wrong?

You swallow harshly and sit next to him, placing your hands on your lap as you glance at the small box on the table. It was obvious what it was and you had to look away quickly before you ran away again.

Leon hadn’t been able to take his eyes off you, and the traces of tears still on your face did nothing to calm his racing heart. He refrained from reaching out to you and feeling the sense of comfort you always provided him. Instead, his leg came to a stop and he turned his body to face yours. “I didn’t know if you were coming back,” he said, not surprised at how unsteady his voice sounded.

You kept your eyes on the floor as you picked at the skin around your nails. It was a habit you had grown out of since you met Leon as he was somehow able to calm your nerves and take away the feeling of anxiety you dealt with on a daily basis.

His eyes narrowed as you inhaled sharply, your index finger moving to cover the small cut you had just made from pulling too hard at the skin of your thumb. He hadn’t seen you like this in months, so tense and uncomfortable. He hated that he was the reason you slipped back into old habits.

You pressed your finger harder against the cut, attempting to stop the small flow of blood as you answered him, “I didn’t want to,” you still refused to meet his eyes and that, along with your words, was enough to have his heart beat faster at the very real fact that he was losing you. You were slipping away and he was powerless to do anything about it. “I wanted to run away, go back to how I was before I met you. I wanted to feel somewhat normal after what happened….what you told me.”

Leon closed his eyes at that and turned his head away. Those were the words he never wanted to hear you say. Your life before him was terrible and you were running on pure adrenaline half the time, unsure if you would even still be alive when tomorrow came. The way your life was before…you were barely living. And he saved you.

He showed you that the feeling of abandonment you felt everyday was no way to live, and he filled in every hole that had formed in your heart. The one from your parents leaving you, the one from when your ex-boyfriend put his hands on you too many times to count, the one from when your best friend drank too much one night and decided to drive home anyway.

He took every ounce of pain you had and made it dissolve until it was a distant memory. The pain was replaced with happiness, love, want, desire. He never let you go through life alone - not if he could help it, anyway. Even on the days he was called away for work, the weeks you went without hearing a word from him were bearable as he left you with the assurance that he was coming back and he always would. And you understood.

You were his entirely. His person, his reason to keep fighting, his reason to never give up. You were and always will be the love of his life, and nothing anyone could ever do would change that.

Even his own fuck up wouldn’t change that.

“Y/n,” he said, not missing the way you tensed up even more at the way he said your name. “I’m so sorry.”

He wanted to say so much more but he had no idea where you two stood. He had never in his life felt more powerless, so out of control to the point where he was resisting the urge to pull his hair out. Did he even deserve to beg for a second chance? For you to allow him to explain what happened?

Leon had never felt more ashamed.

You finally look over at him, sadness overflowing in your eyes as you ignore his words. “So, every night you said you were with Chris or out running errands…you were with her?” You ask, not wanting the answer but knowing you needed to hear it for you to be able to move on and find the closure you were never able to get in your past relationships.

It seemed as though Leon didn’t want to answer either as his eyes stared into yours, silently begging you to not make him answer the question that would surely shatter any hope left to fix what he broke.

“Please,” you whispered, holding back a sob as you felt your eyes sting from unshed tears. The look in his eyes gave you the answer, but you needed to hear him say it, hear how he ruined what you two shared, how he broke the connection. Even if it hurt you more than anything else from your past, you needed to hear it. “Just answer the question.”

Leon broke eye contact again as he stared at the wooden floor, his jaw locked as he held back tears of his own.

“Were you with her?” You ask again and Leon hated how defeated you sounded. You didn’t even sound angry or annoyed, you just sounded heartbroken and embarrassed. He was convinced he would rather have you scream at him than have you talk to him in the quiet, tearful voice you were using now.

He waited a few more seconds before forcing out the answer that would surely be the final breaking point in your relationship, the beautiful, fragile thing it was. “Yes,”

The single word was powerful as it was the final nail in the coffin of your broken relationship. You quickly look away, nodding as you wipe away the blood on your jeans. You weren’t sure where to go from here and you had no clue what to say next. Your eyes land on the box again and you decide to keep asking questions you really didn’t want to know. “Was that for me?”

Leon didn’t know what you were talking about until he looked over at you again and saw what you were staring at. He felt offended that you would even ask that as he was sure he made his feelings for you crystal clear. Then again, your current situation was entirely his fault, and your trust in him was nonexistent at this point, so he really couldn’t blame you for beginning to question everything.

He had to hold back his scoff that would surely make things worse when he answered, “Of course it’s for you,”

You look down before back at the box again, hating the fact that you wanted to see what the ring looked like. You bring your finger up to your mouth and chew on your nail, wincing at the sore skin that surrounds it. “Can I see it?”

Leon felt his heart sink. This was not how he envisioned showing you the ring. In a perfect world he would’ve taken you out on a date, probably to your favorite spot - the lake you used to go to when things became too much as it brought you comfort - and he’d make another memory with you there. He’d get down on one knee and wouldn’t have a care in the world about the inevitable grass stains that would form on his pants and he’d ask you to be his forever. Like you were always meant to be.

He didn’t bother answering as he grabbed the box and held it out to you without a word, his eyes glued to the floor. You take it from him, brushing your fingers against his hand as you did so and unknowingly making his whole body ache for your touch. As you held it in your lap, you bit your lip as you looked over at him. His head was turned so you couldn’t see his face, and maybe that was for the best.

You open your mouth to say something, but all words die on your tongue and you close it again after a few seconds. Taking a deep breath, you look back down at the black box and convince yourself to just get it over with. You just wanted to see it, that’s all, then you can move on and leave this behind you.

When you opened the box and looked at the ring, you bit down harder on your lip to stop a cry from spilling out. It was perfect and the definition of your dream ring and you wanted to sob at how well he knew you and your style. It was simple but so beautiful and so you. Your vision blurred and you tried to blink back the tears as you closed the box. It was useless as tears still flowed down your face and landed on your jeans.

Leon brought his hand back up to his mouth and he pressed his knuckles to his lips, turning to you when he heard you close the box. You hand it back to him without a word being spoken and he refrained from taking you in his arms when he saw how you tried to discreetly wipe under your eyes.

He looked at you while remaining silent, completely speechless at what was currently unfolding before him. There’s so much he wanted to say, but what was the point? The relationship was over, that much was obvious when you asked to see the ring that should’ve had a permanent place on your finger for the rest of your life. The ring you should’ve seen in a surprising and special moment, not during a break up.

Break up.

Leon’s heart hurt as everything set in. You were breaking up with him and leaving him to face the harsh reality on his own.

You clear your throat and wipe your damp hands on your jeans, no plan in mind when you sit up straight and say, “Okay,” it came out more in a breathless tone rather than sounding confident, something you cringe at before continuing, “I should go pack my stuff.” You nodded at your own words as you stared at the floor, beginning to stand up.

That made Leon hold the box in his other hand as the one closest to you reached out and grabbed your wrist. “Wait, please,” he quietly begged and you froze at his touch. You sat back down, though you never got to fully stand up to begin with, and face him. He looked heartbroken with unshed tears gathering in his waterline, his blue eyes begging you to stay with him. You could get lost in those ocean blue orbs he called his eyes, and you have done just that many times before. But not now. You couldn’t give in and accept his apology when he was the one who betrayed you beyond repair. “Let’s just talk about this some more.”

His hand was beginning to burn against your skin, so you gently pulled away, ignoring the hurt that flashed across his face. “There’s nothing left to talk about,” you say quietly, giving him a sad smile that he wished he never saw as he knew it would haunt him when he tried to go to sleep without you tonight. “I think we both know that.”

No, he wanted to say, let me fix this. Let me save us.

No words left his mouth as he watched you stand up and make your way to the bedroom. You were in there for what felt like hours before you walked back out, your duffle bag slung over your shoulder and a backpack on your other one.

You don’t say goodbye as you grab your phone on the way to the door, glancing back at him one last time. He was still in the same spot, his shoulders tense, his jaw locked and his eyes glued to the box in his hands.

You tear your eyes away from him and open the door, hesitating for just a second before you walk out and close it behind you.

When Leon heard the door shut and knew he was alone, the tears he had been holding back since he confessed what he had done came flowing freely down his face. He opened the box and looked at the ring, your ring. It always would be. You were the one girl he had ever dreamed of giving it to, and all it was now was a reminder of what he did and what he ruined.

He took it out of the box and held it between his thumb and index finger, watching as it sparkled in the light of the setting sun. Tossing the box aside, he reached into his pocket and grabbed his keys. He stared at the ring for a few more minutes before unclasping the chain and sliding the band onto the key ring, right beside the key to this very apartment.

2K notes · View notes