paynomindtomyidiocy

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

Flights of Fancy

After Safiya Sinclair

Cans of soda keep their fizz for years – much longer than plastic bottles, which inevitably expand and contract, air seeping out ’til none is left, lifeless liquid lying static, line against the bottle, flat. The bottles I have tucked against the seats before me have crinkled sharply as the plane descend on the other side of the Atlantic, left a thorny, jagged husk by the changing pressure of the cabin air. Embrace the pressure: it’ll turn your skin to diamond, split you apart and set you rolling in the mud, lost and looking. What can I say? My soul goes every night outside my body; roams in and under, over, through the walls; it scours this silver city’s sunken skyline. She’s crying for her past and future self, screaming out and hearing nothing in return; she’s tearing at the seams and comes undone but she’s not done and in the silence now a crack, a hiss of air, a whisper: “You’re lost forever.”

#*screams* #anyway #anya writes poetry too #i am large i contain multitudes #adhd #autism #flights of fancy #safiya sinclair #poem #poetry #prose poem

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

guys lowkey should I do a face reveal

#anya (drunk) #*screams* #anyway #;& #9?@;’/‘.£ #& #&;@;’snsndxjkcm

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

i take such childish joy in being able to say shit like ‘i’m not gay anymore’

#said this the other day and my friends boyfriend was like ‘oh conversion therapy worked then ?!’ #demisexual #except i used to think i was bi #but i am #heterosexual #*screams* #anyway

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

ah ha ha no girl don't use Vampirism, Religion, and/or Cannibalism as a metaphor for all consuming love and obsession you're so sexy ah ha

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

This is the most Percy Jackson thing Percy Jackson has ever done

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

just made out with someone (first kiss?!) but it was NOT the guy I have a little crush on…and he is objectively super attractive but I felt NOTHING…what do i do help me why am I posting this on TUMBLR

#*screams* #anyway #I am drunk #love advice #demisexual #autism #adhd #autistic #help me #nightclub #hopefully he sees it as a club gw and nothing more #shit #holy shit

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

can we make adhd4adhd a thing. like how trans people have t4t. im being completely serious

#like #theres just a certain connection #also every dude i have ever found attractive as a demisexual is either adhd or RIDICULOUSLY adhd coded #*screams* #anyway #adhd #autistic #autism #neurodivergent #t4t

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

YES!!!

Variety

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

being neurodivergent is so fun because you subconsciously mimic all these behaviours but you are also complete shit at it. and yet you are simultaneously so good at it that you don’t realise what you’re doing until you do and then you can’t do it anymore

#*screams* #anyway #i no longer know how to make prolonged eye contact #lol #autism #autistic #adhd #luv my life xxxxx

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

pov i went insane

#lol its because i cant actually write plot at all #but sometimes poetry just doesn’t scratch the itch #so i funnel my short form writing thru fanfic 😭 #or omniscient narrators lol #*screams* #anyway #a level english #a level coursework #english coursework #is driving me fucking mental #pjo #annabeth chase #nights at the circus #angela carter #is a genius #hopefully someone seeing this understands the metafiction thing i am poorly imitating #and I don’t just look like an idiot

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

angela carter is the kind of writer who will include a story about a panopticon for russian murderesses where the prison is eventually destroyed by the power of lesbian love, but as a side chapter in a book otherwise about a travelling circus.

#i love this

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

its kind of insane to me that more people don’t bring up angela carter in casual conversation. like every day i struggle not to quote nights at the circus bc who would understand me

#angela carter #nights at the circus #fevvers #*screams* #anyway #English coursework #a level #a level english #a level english coursework

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

guys the way i literally AM demisexual though 😭😭 like ughhhh

#its such a downer like #really?? is this what im destined for??? #its not even the cliche of the nd demi #its just so annoying like bye bye slut era #cause i thought it was a hormone thing or I was some variety of greysexual #but I think i literally am just demi #fucking ugh #*screams* #anyway #demisexual #probably

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

sometimes im just existing and im struck with the urge to become a meme account

#*screams* #anyway #lol being back on tumblr once in a blue moon is so fun #like omg I remember I used to go screams anyway #the nostalgia is crazy

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

ummm so im watching the pjo show and sorry luke did NOT just say thalia with a th holy shit this is horrifying

#pjo #pjo disney+ #*screams* #anyway

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

LIKE PLEASE WHY THE FUCK WOULD I RANDOMLY PUT THIS IN

its so much worse now because one of my friends (who i acc helped discover she was autistic ages ago) is now in her tumblr era and her irl humour is just shitty amateur tumblr humour like this and i actually struggle to be around it bc it was ME holy shit

is it still secondhand embarrassment if im embarrassed of myself but i no longer identify with my actions

scrolling thru my old tumblr dms like whaaat?? i used to be so autistic and weird (i haven’t changed as much as i like to think i have)

#autism #LOL #clown shit #what the actual fuck #like sorry #i forgot i was so eurgh #im sure i will look over this and think the same in a few year #WHICH IS WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENS #i return to the internet thinking im normal now #and a year later im like holy fuck that is horrifically cringe #EIRGHHHH

[paynomindtomyidiocy]

is it still secondhand embarrassment if im embarrassed of myself but i no longer identify with my actions

scrolling thru my old tumblr dms like whaaat?? i used to be so autistic and weird (i haven’t changed as much as i like to think i have)

#i can’t lie #I have a twitter now that I never use #and i posted basically the same thing on there earlier but just the first bit #does that make me dishonest? lol #*screams* #anyway #i promise im not as weird irl #but oh my god #some of the messages i sent were never responded to and for GOOD REASON. #for GOOD. REASON.