peace-and-light-poetry

[peace-and-light-poetry]

"How many years?"

""How many years would it have been?"

She was asked this So far, only once Time is quite relative

It seemed like such a short time ago But, really, a significant amount has passed She'd answer this question

After realizing how many years it's been "Five years."

It had been five years Since that day

She wasn't completely well No, of course not, but she is getting better No one said "recovery" is something

That'll end

She "closer to well' Than she was yesterday

Some days, she faltered Other days, she had much improved But, still, she's getting better

With more good days Outnumbering her bad days She smiles more, nowadays

Before, she seemed so miserable

Sister sleeps a little better She still has nightmares but She's been sleeping a little better

She's not been so self-conscious About answering the question Nor the scars

(she used to hide them with bracelets)

It had been five years That she was pulled from that sea of red Five years that

She got help (or, specifically, admitted she's ill)

If she had succeeded, it would have been five years That she passed away

She was saved And, thus, she lived That day getting further

And further behind them

Looking at her now It seems practically unbelievable that She was so distressed

Unbelievable That she tried to end her life However, it was just as unbelievable

That she'd be smiling and laughing That her eyes would have life in them (that it started to return)

It had been five years Since she spiraled

She's still healing Healing is an ongoing process But she's much better than what she was then

Five years ago, She wouldn't have had the confidence But, currently, she was glowing

Radiant, a new lease on life.

She was broken But she's still beautiful She's not ashamed of her flaws

She's not incomplete She feels whole

How many years?

She could confidently say that it's been five And she's better than ever.

#completed 4/14/2024 #written on the fly #free-verse #kill la kill #kill la kill au #fanfic #satsuki centric #satsuki kiryuuin #time skip #no trigger warnings #revised #light at the end of the tunnel #hope

[peace-and-light-poetry]

How the house burned down: Satsuki's Poem

Such is it is

I suffered before But, now, I'm a bit at peace

I am ill But I am getting a bit better

I was frozen But I am thawing

I was bound, shackled But, now, I am constrained

By a sentence

Constrained but I am flying Flying as high as I can

Like birds as free as the sky

Loved.

#fanfiction #spoilers for said fanfic #short poem #written on the fly #free-verse #written 2023 #kill la kill #kill la kill au

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Foundling—Excerpt

She was always a secretive and sleepy sort with a colorful history, a history she never often liked to talk about. Many often came to her when they couldn't sort out what to do, especially in human-youkai matters. She often acted as a mediator of sorts, having dealt with both regularily in the past and present. To a certain degree, she was ostracized out of fear and out of aborance for her interactions with humans and, to a certain degree, she was highly revered because of them as well.

Revered, yet fear and abhorred, she was as she was the Yakumo matriarch, Yakumo Yukari.

#Touhou Project #fanfiction #ran out of things to post #writing

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Boundaries.

She felt guilt Guilt for this word

It felt like an ugly word But it wasn't an ugly word No, that was her guilt talking

She had these And she'd make a point to enforce them Damn everything else

However, it wasn't that simple No, she would become small and quiet Stomped on like a mouse

When she tried

Within, she was screaming Berating herself for not having the strength To put her foot down

She wanted to lash out It's instinctive to lash out However, it was just as instinctive

To remain a quiet mouse

(trauma response)

They wondered why she seemed distant Or so upset with them

She had her peace to protect And she didn't want to spiral—again (as such would be worse)

This word felt ugly It wasn't an ugly word Yet, her guilt made it sting

She questioned her reasonings She's oft conflicted about such matters But she knew that some need these

And hers have been stomped on

No wonder she seemed so distant No, she didn't have this word

She started to be more closed off Rather, more so than what she was initially They've earned that

She didn't have this word No, she just built up walls Built them up and further reinforced them

She felt guilt but such is existence They disregarded her feelings so much That she suppressed her own

Abandoning herself

They didn't respect this word when she used them Yet, they noticed her walls

If being closed off is how she can protect her peace Then so be it.

#boundaries vs walls #long poem #dysfunctional family #free-verse #written on the fly #reality subtext #musings #revised #just no family #sorrow #written from heartbreak #mental health crisis #upset #vent #respect boundaries #praying for better #completed 4/13/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Potato Sprouts

At times, she left her potatoes To their own devices

Not the first time And, certainly, won't be the last time

Potatoes are fascinating Well, actually, tubers are fascinating But, still

She left them alone for a bit And came back to find them sprouted

Perhaps, they're not so fitting to eat No, not really, especially some looked greenish (she's not privy to how tubers work, exactly)

Still, she left her potatoes to their own devices And so opted to deal with the result of this action Another addition to her garden

—Amoridere, 4/11/2024

#short poem #free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #musings #poem with a pic #revised #canva cover #signatured #potatoes #slice of life

[peace-and-light-poetry]

The Killdeer

She's never seen this bird No, not to her recollections But she found herself colored

Colored curious

She knew not to get too close No, as that would be detrimental However, she was curious and pleased

At seeing something new

She knew this bird was perturbed And so she wouldn't stay long But she had to know

To sate her curiousity Snapping a few pictures Even a video

She thought this bird to be male But realized this bird is "Mom" ("Dad" is not far away)

She would leave Colored surprised, pleased, and curiosity Wondering about the identity

Of this bird she was fortunate to see

#short poem #reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #musings #revised #written 4/7/2024 #quickie #killdeer #poem with a vid #suburban ohio #nature #birds #birding #birdwatching

[peace-and-light-poetry]

In the Throes of Thyroid Woes

She would go in for an ultrasound Praying along the way

Her endocrinologist ordered one And she wouldn't get the results yet (maybe they'll oblige her request to look at them?)

This was to rule out masses In this region

Her fears were cropping up Bloodwork suggested things are typical (everything else be damned)

Hell, her ACTH is deemed "perfect" But, still, she remembered the horror stories Test results can be deceptive

(such is defeating)

She weighed the likelihood Odds looked like things would be benign However, she feared things being

Otherwise (a word sounding like a hiss)

She still has things to do And her plans did include long term But she was afraid

Terrified of what the findings will be

Still, it was better to know Than it was to stay in the dark And she'd go to find out

Praying along the way.

#short poem #free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #musings #iatrophobia #written 4/4/2024 #ill girl #praying #endocrinology

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Where'd the sun go?

It was sunny, initially Sunny with blue and puffs of white

At the moment, it's gray With muted hues The sun had vanished

She took it that she won't be in town long

No, she'd be finishing her business And then she'd go home

Certainly, the forecast was wrong

#short poem #free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #notebook poem #revised #musings #written 3/27/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

"Northgate is dying."

She opted to go somewhere For reasons she didn't quite know Perhaps, to see what changed

Much has changed Since she's last come

Not many stores remained And what remained Had discounts

She traversed its halls Her footsteps almost echoing

Her favorite store had long left And the theatre long shuttered The food court was down

To two eateries She may was well be in a ghost town

This place wasn't long No, it was quietly, slowly fading away Little by little

Another in a pattern

Places of her youth Disappearing, fading into memory Like her long passed halcyon days

Times arrow never stops

—Amoridere, 4/3/2024

#reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #musings #idle poem #poem with a pic #revised #notebook poem #Northgate Mall #canva cover #some nostalgia #written 4/3/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

What to make

She sewed Certainly, such is less taxing Than her crocheting

She got something in the mail

Fabric usually gets divvied She had some initial plans, certainly But those changed

She gouged the size Concluding this to be fitting As backing of some kind

(such would certainly save on batting)

She knew the top layer had to match Or otherwise compliment the bottom layer She just wasn't sure

How to go about constructing

Would just do patches? Or would she attempt a pattern? And then what?

She didn't know But she knew material had plans And how those plans changed

She knew she'd make it into something But she knew not exactly what

Regardless, sewing is less taxing Than crocheting.

#world poetry day #reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #musings #idle poem #poem with a pic #written 3/24/2024

[peace-and-light-poetry]

A Forest of Dead Nettle

It's a seasonal clove Frankly, she thinks the groundhog lied Spring is delayed

However, she knew,

The flowers didn't know They bloomed "on schedule" A juxtaposition

Betwixt a delayed spring And the cold air

(if she ever did note one)

At the moment, she made an observation

A curious observation Within an island of grass A particularly group

Of flowers growing In an interesting formation With a tree-like shapes

#reality subtext #written on the fly #free-verse #short poem #notebook poem #revised #idle poem #written 3/19/2024 #dead nettle

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Waiting for April

It's currently March That much she knows April is next

She has another appointment A follow up visit with her endocrinologist And she was slightly on edge

She had concerns She knew they were likely benign But she was still afraid

At least, her endocrinologist is so nice (something that sets her mind at ease—a little)

Of course, she's still afraid Bravery be damned, so she prays Prays as she waits for her follow-up

That whatever she has is benign That she won't need a surgery or chemotherapy (her mind is acting like WebMD with the worst-case scenario)

Her appointment is soon In little over a couple of weeks And she's afraid

She won't know more Until then.

#free-verse #reality subtext #written on the fly #musings #completed 3/16/2024 #iatrophobia #praying #endocrinology #revised #waiting #anticipation #scared #trying to be brave #thyroid concerns

[peace-and-light-poetry]

"Overexposed"

She got a camera One just like her Dad's

Her Dad's gave its all But it couldn't power up again (corroded)

She opted for another one The same brand and make But she'd be cursing

Her frugalities

The pictures came out "bleached" And she tried everything to fix it The conundrum persisted

She couldn't use it Nor could she get it fixed She was deeply crestfallen

As she loved her Dad's camera And she paid a lot, too much For a glorified brick

#free-verse #written on the fly #reality subtext #poem with a pic #idle poem #notebook poem #buyer's remorse #ebay #photography #written 3/12/2024 #upset

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Kiryuuin Chronicles, excerpt

As tears fell from my eyes, I spotted something that survived the fire. A small tin box, inside of which were photographs of us and Mam, along with a pearl necklace and a rather large sum of money. I picked it up and brought it with me. We ventured further and found Mam's room. Very little remained apart from the doorway and a few—her— bloodstains in the floor.

#fanfiction #excerpt #ran out of things to post #kill la kill

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Paths

Despair for waiting so long something near nescapable all of the pain and hardships

Sickness for the illnesses that overtook her Almost resulting in a premature death She fell ill from the poison of radiation, dying while waiting for nonexistent emergency services An illness she was too sick to recover from

Anxiety for the mother that cannot so easily reach her child Separation because she had no choice

Pain From wounds that fester From wounds that cannot heal From broken hearts and damaged souls

Rage She emptied a gun into a wall of mirrors A rage against the horrible things done to her

Suicide The winter was even warmer than she She wanted to die Her immortality was overrode Something she's attempted when she's gone mad

Imprisonment They were to be broken For some it worked

Suffering Troubles never seemed to end It was a near never-ending cycle

Death Many perished They were gone but not forgotten Their spirits still kept hold

Secrets She knows about something Yet, she doesn't divulge it They all do

They've survived because of their secrets One suffers because of hers

Scars Brutality at its finest Testaments to the things she's endured

Regret The little child can't run She never forgave herself for that, as she allowed it to happen She wished she could have protected them, Shielding them from the hardships and pain, the very things she endured but couldn't prevent

Self-loathing She hates herself very much For something that she could have very well stopped

If the times hadn't turned her cruel and selfish

Blindness She was blinded out of mercy She was starting to lose her sight

Destruction The bombs were dropped Thrusting them into another world of turmoil

Infertility She wants what her body denies her

Miscarriage/Stillbirths She has a litter Most of them died It seems she may continue having them

Devotion He never at all thinks to leave her side Not even for moment He loves her

She's his "Lenore"

Ice The world is engulfed in a winter They are at winter's mercy

Memories Some pleasant, a sorrowful reminder of what was Some unpleasant, the things that they could wish were forgotten

Insanity She's gone insane Without any sort of semblance of sanity besides her memories She, too, has gone insane Nearly taking a child's life, as well as her own

She later woke up and came back

Blood She bled, staining the snow with blood She wept blood tears, when she's reached her despair event horizon

Innocence The children remain innocent The only semblance that remains in dark, frozen, and unforgiving world Though, innocence was lost at some point

Soiled She believes herself to be this believing no one will ever love her

Ruined She believes her lover will reject her, now

Abuse She hadn't done anything wrong Yet, she was beaten anyway She died, leaving behind someone regretful

Too late to atone

Bond What holds them together

Hope What keeps them going

Inability to fear She was conditioned this way

Loss The pain of losing someone Leaving wounds that have yet to heal

Ghosts What she claims to see And hear

The Past Still a lingering presence With a very strangling hold The leash and collar tighten with each passing time

Future Full of uncertainties It cannot be said there will be one

Tears What are never-endingly shed

Revenge What was exacted Their house was burned down afterwards

Repetition The cycle, it seems, tends to repeat Over and over Will it ever end?

Abandonment She wanted to die She didn't want to left alone

The Present The very time they endure

Delirium What she cannot escape And what she sees What she hears And what she suffers

Sacrifice

She didn't want to He wanted her and was going to have her She wanted them to be safe Letting him have her was her sacrifice

The very sacrifice she would still be dealing with the fallout of

She hides secrets She has to, so she can survive So they all can

She could have been killed.

Atonement For any sort of past wrong The fallout of which is still there They struggle to make right of it

Atoning for the sins they've committed

That will take ages

#old poem #written around 2014 #touhou #gensokyo 20XX #long poem #free-verse #written on the fly #summary #poem fic

[peace-and-light-poetry]

I Promised Her I'd Wake Up

I'd promised her I'd wake up But I fear it is not a promise to be kept

Through illness and insanity, She cannot promise me the same Bit by bit, less sand remains in her hourglass

She is all but unaware

Yet, she's accepted it, as is

She told me to promise her I'd awake Tears in her eyes She begged me

Yet, she waits for death

The very sleep she may never awake from The very sleep she made me promise I would never allow to take me Yet, she cannot promise the same

I promised her I'd wake up What would happened to her if I cannot keep that promise? Dammit!

Why do you make me keep a promise that may not be kept, Reimu? I'm sorry I almost went to where you could not yet follow And that is why you made me promise you

Yet, you cannot promise me the same

Don't leave before me Reimu, please! Don't let them take you Please don't

I promised her I'd wake up

I woke up, Reimu, see? I woke up, just like I promised I can only hope you let it go now

To keep that promise would be impossible Unless one of our hourglasses have finished Before the other

I'd promised her I'd wake up

#old poem #written 2014 #fanfic #gensokyo 20xx #free-verse #chen #reimu hakurei #medium poem #touhou

[peace-and-light-poetry]

Goodbye Chen

(Inspired by, dedicated and all the thanks goes out to yours truly, Takuyarawr)

Some time, after a battle, Ran and Chen found that Yukari's health had declined and that she fell ill. Despite how weak she was becoming, she tried not to pay any attention to it and was enjoying her life. As her illness worsened, doctors treated her with the best treatment they could offer but, however, it did more damage to her body than it did repair. Knowing fate was being merciful and hostile to her, she didn't know how to break the news to Ran and Chen, so she told Reimu and asked for her to give them her parasol.

When Reimu broke the news to the shikigami, they were in utter disbelief and were immediately grief-stricken. "I'm sorry, Ran, Chen, she didn't know she could tell you herself, so she told me to tell you and she wanted you to have this." Reimu said, handing them the pink lace parasol Yukari loved so dearly. A few days later, Yukari fell into a coma and died in her sleep, from the last of the treatment that she wasn't strong enough to survive.

Her funeral service was long and full of tears from those that loved her. Even Yuyuko, as gluttonous as she was, didn't think to eat all the food. Everyone was dressed in black and/or purple. Reimu closed down her shrine for a month, grieving and out of respect for her deceased yokai friend.

Grief-stricken, Ran was trying to hold things together and often took to caring for the violet garden that Yukari left behind but found her health, too, had declined. Chen was hit the hardest and spent half of the day at Yukari's grave, wishing for her to come back.

However, Ran had the most of her problems, other than her mistress's untimely demise. She found her declining health had proved she was ill with a terminal illness that was incurable. She knew she couldn't ignore it but couldn't tell Chen. All through the summer, she hid her illness and, in the fall, after becoming so frail and thin, she went to a doctor to see how far it progressed. However, the diagnosis wasn't good and that the illness had spread rather quickly through her body.

Throughout the fall, she secretly had herself treated for her illness and tried to make her appointments less frequent. She didn't want Chen, her ever so beloved shikigami and pet, to be alone so whenever she left Chen at Reimu's, she was going to see get treatment. In November, she left Chen at Reimu's one last time before she went into the hospital.

Before she went to the hospital, she asked Reimu to explain the situation. When Reimu did, Chen broke into tears and asked "Why didn't anyone tell me?" Reimu gathered her into her arms and said "We didn't want you to worry but I see that is the least of your problems." In the winter, after all the doctors did what they could, Ran passed away of her illness. Reimu brought Chen to be with her, as she died. While dying, Ran gave her the hat she wore. Ran's funeral service was short but tearful. With both of her mistresses passed on, Chen went home, alone. She walked through the house. Only she remained in the large house. She went to her room and cried.

Ran and Yukari's rooms were empty and quiet. Their beds were made. Nothing was taken out of their drawers. Nothing was left out of place. She went to each of their rooms and sat. She went to the kitchen. Yukari often served her a bowl of her favorite cereal, whenever she was awake, but now Chen had no one to serve her cereal. She went out into the garden. She, Ran, Yuyuko, Reimu, and, occasionally, Rinnosuke would play a game of baseball until one of them broke a window or a vase, in that situation they would run to avoid getting in trouble. The large house was full of memories of her mistresses.

Reimu stopped by everyday to feed her and that was all she could do for her. When spring came, she went to the Hakurei shrine to see Reimu. "Hello, Chen, what brings you here?" asked Reimu, curiously but in some degree of despair. Chen looked up and said "I want to know if I could say goodbye because I never really got a chance to." Reimu paused for a moment and said "I know, Chen, but I can't bring them back because that would involve messing with the border and Yukari wouldn't have wanted that."

"Is there any way I could tell them goodbye but spend some time with them before I do?"

"I could escort you to the netherworld and ask Yuyuko to lend them to you for a day but we must escort them back to the world of the living, then you must wait for them after about 10 minutes upon arrival, and, after the time is used up, they must return to the netherworld."

"How do I convince Yuyuko to lend them to me?"

"One must explain the purpose and ask for the favor as a favor but, if that doesn't work, one must bribe her with food."

The next day, Reimu escorted Chen to netherworld. Youmu met them at the gate and demanded their purpose. Reimu carefully explained the situation and Youmu let them pass. They met Yuyuko in her castle and explained the situation. "Hmm, I hear your plea but I wonder how Ran and Yukari would feel about it but I'm pretty sure they would give one more day to spend with you, I'll get them ready." said Yuyuko, as she left the room. She returned with Yukari and Ran. Both embraced her and said how much they missed her. "You can have them for one day and, after that, they must return to the netherworld. Any longer than that will cost you dearly."

After following Reimu's instructions, she brought them to their house and spent the entire day with them there, reliving her life before the battle, before their illnesses, and, most of all, before the loneliness and grief. After spending the entire day with them, the next day she knew she was going to lose them forever. The next day, Chen escorted them to them to the border between Gensokyo and the netherworld and, as her mistresses walked off after giving her a final embrace, she said " Goodbye."

Ran and Yukari didn't look back but said "Goodbye Chen, goodbye Chen, goodbye... forever." She watched them leave and continued watching before they disappeared in the mists of netherworld. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she went home. She walked into her room and found a present for her. It had a note that said:

Dearest Chen,

We know our time to be with you is short, so we give you this present to remember us by and we want you to know we love you and we want you to be strong. We left this on your bed before we left, a gift to you.

Sincerely with love, your mistresses,

Yukari and Ran Yakumo

Chen opened her gift and found it was a photograph of them together in a golden frame, decorated with fake flowers, and found that they had made a doll for her. Chen hung the photograph on the wall and fell asleep cuddling the doll. Back in the netherworld, Yukari and Ran stood, waiting for Chen to eventually join them.

#old fic #fic with a pic #chen #touhou project #tragedy #short story #fanfiction #ran yakumo #yukari yakumo #ill girl