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pearlcages · 3 months
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koyoltzintli, "evil eye," 2010/2013, archival chromatic print
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pearlcages · 3 months
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burning food is an inherited trait
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Look. Look. I think the hardest thing about your twenties is the shift from getting shoved towards new frontiers of maturity by, like, puberty and education and the logistics of gaining independence, to you having to shove yourself. It’s a mental recalibration from “you grow up whether you like it or not” to “you can and should keep evolving, but now you have to choose it. And you have to choose it a half-dozen times a day in increasingly annoying ways. And this sucks but the reward is that you get to be a person in the world.”
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pearlcages · 3 months
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GODBODY LOWRIDER V-12 (HEARTHROB EDITION) by GODBODY.
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pearlcages · 3 months
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"we live in an uncaring universe"
false. i care very deeply. am i not a part of this infinite universe?
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pearlcages · 3 months
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They're so undeniably them during that fight, but they somehow both manage to communicate their main fears and the other listens. Which is new for them. I love the progress. They're actually communicating a bit better, but they still sound like themselves, which I don't think is an easy balance to achieve and many other authors go too far in the other direction and write them as the most open people ever who can't shut up about their feelings. But you found that perfect balance between keeping them in character and developing them.
having to push the fight into something actually productive was definitely the harder part of that equation. i realized so quickly that they really, really never have vulnerable, necessary conversations in canon unless they're actively breaking up
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Oh that makes a lot of sense actually re:Arizona's disability. If you take how Grey's treated it after s10 at face value and not bad writing, than yes, Arizona actually never talks about it, unless it's some inspirational speech to help someone that doesn't even come across as genuine. It's like she hasn't really accepted it, or her limitations, she's just trying to ignore it as best as possible. Because if she did things like updated her prosthetic or got a running blade fitted or anything like that, she'd have to actually deal with the fact that she is disabled and deal with how much she feels broken or like she needs to be fixed and how other people view her and that's just too painful and hard so she just doesn't think about it.
right, exactly! that's my interpretation of canon for this story at least-- but i do think that a big part of why i feel the need to explore this in ktb is because the show didn't. i'm not specifically interested in writing arizona struggling with her disability, i'm just interested in giving her arc a little more room to breathe than it had on grey's
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Ktb isn’t uploaded on the correct date on ao3. Your updates are being hidden. Maybe you have to edit it.
wow, thank you SO much for this! i didn't realize that because i had those chapters saved as drafts for so long, they were registering as being published in august in ao3's system. you're a lifesaver
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Favorite line: "I just, I wouldn’t leave you, if you did. I couldn’t." That's Arizona. That couldn't be more Arizona. I love how romantic this is, she actually would let Callie do anything because she loves her so much, but at the same time it's such an unhealthy mindset. Love it.
no i’m so proud of that whole fight. i love the fight scene— i just think the voices are right there!! like it’s such a quintessential calzona argument in that they both sound absolutely insane. callie wants everyone to yell about everything and arizona is basically just chanting “i have an anxious-avoidant attachment style!” the whole time
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pearlcages · 3 months
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all i can say is thank you for sharing your work. ktb is one of the best fanfics i've ever read. the amount of work that obviously goes into each chapter, the way you find a way to describe everything so that the reader viscerally feels what the characters are felling, you have such a unique style and it's such a pleasure to read. and if you end up writing an original novel that includes complicated women (and lesbians :)) i'm buying it 100%
all i can say is thank you for continuing to read and support what i write :) i wouldn’t write if i knew nobody was going to read it, and that’s just the truth
while i often have my problems with the larger fandom, i genuinely really like all of you who engage kindly and critically with my fics. i like that this blog is a space to receive feedback and frankly there are a couple long-term commenters that i feel a true sense of community with!
so thanks for showing up and showing face because it does matter, and i do appreciate it 💗
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pearlcages · 3 months
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KTB was updated. Omg omg omg this is not a drill I don't know what to do with myself I'm so excited
IM so exited!! i hope you figure out what to do with yourself though
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Hey! Loved the new chapters! Already read them twice, they're so good! I have a question, it seems like you've decided to take a different approach than a lot of other writers when it comes to Arizona's disability. It's like Arizona's accepted it because she has no choice, but especially in the last chapter, she isn't doing anything to make her life easier or better, it's like she wants to be reminded of her amputation more than she has to be. How come you've decided to write her like that?
in all honesty, to give her room to grow! to make the arc satisfying and interesting. but i do think it has basis in arizona’s canon right up until the moment she leaves
the writers really dropped the ball on showing arizona really reckoning with her disability long term— they weren’t willing to risk the storyline becoming “tired” for long enough to do it justice and give it room to breathe. because of this, if we just take canon as canon, arizona very rarely even addresses or acknowledges her disability post s10
very early on in this fic, i chose to take that lack of exploration as arizona herself making the active decision to not explore
in the KTB canon, we don’t see her having those conversations because she simply doesn’t have them— not because grey’s canon happened to leave it out
post s10/11, she’ll drop in a motivational speech, showcase a little vulnerability to help someone else, sure. but she never reckons with it. she just keeps clinging to the idea that she can “do all the things she used to do”, whatever that means. the roller skating conversation is a great example of this
and it is VERY important that arizona only ever brings up her disability when she’s forced to or when it benefits another person. i cannot remember a single instance of arizona choosing to talk about her disability post s10 unless she was helping someone else, unless she was using the context of her disability to reassure/comfort/guide someone. it’s all outward facing. she wants to fix the world, but she doesn’t want to fix herself
worst of all, she doesn’t even realize that the real problem is thinking about herself in terms of being fixed
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pearlcages · 3 months
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why did I see an update on fan fiction. Losing my mind for 2024!!!!
the way i’ve been sitting on these for months… everyone say thank you NYE party for making me feel impulsive 🙏🏽
honestly so excited to drop these. chapter 15 and 16 have been at least partially written from day 1. i had such a clear vision for the conversations they would be having at this point in the story
15, 16, and 17 contain all of the scenes that made me want to write KTB in the first place. the conversation with april, the fight in the ambulance bay, arson on the rooftop. i love these chapters, and i hope y’all do too
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Keeping the Bullet: Chapter 16
“Do you want to get married again?”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Not now, obviously, that would be… way too soon.” She chuckles nervously. Callie has never been a too soon kind of person and they both know it. Arizona can’t help but be a little terrified by how obviously Callie is backtracking, but she swallows it down. “But, you know, eventually? Do you want to get married again someday?”
“Callie, we did the marriage thing.” Arizona clears her throat. “Twice.”
“Third time’s the charm?”
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Read it on Ao3 or FFN
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pearlcages · 3 months
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Keeping the Bullet: Chapter 15
Callie stands in the hallway outside of Arizona’s bedroom holding a glass of water, watching Arizona sleep through the crack in the door. She can barely see her in the cuts of light coming through Arizona’s blinds, but it’s enough. It has to be enough because Callie can’t risk getting caught.
Arizona gets pissy whenever she catches Callie staring at her. Especially lately. Which is fine, really, it is, except for the fact that it makes Callie want to set something on fire.
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Read it on Ao3 or FFN
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pearlcages · 6 months
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pearlcages · 6 months
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“i was thinking about how i don’t actually have anything of my own that i can keep. i very luckily have some material things, but every material thing goes away eventually. they can get lost, broken, stolen or just deteriorate, including my body. once i die this will all become nothing. and i was thinking about what do i have that’s really actually mine? that can’t be taken away? and i know this is corny but this love that i feel in me, that i’ve created in me, that i’ve built in me, held on to—it’s mine for as long as i want it, for as long as i don’t give it up or let the world take it away from me. and i really do believe that to love is the best thing i ever did in my life. better than any song i've ever written, any achievement by far. to love is truly the best and most beautiful thing i ever did. and then as i was thinking about that, i started thinking about how sad it was that once i die, i couldn’t leave behind this most beautiful thing that i have. i guess it sort of dies with me. so i wanted to write a song about how i wish that when i die i could at least leave all this love behind in the world.”
mitski explains her new song “my love mine all mine”
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