pengpongpooh

[pengpongpooh]

It is really hard to find that one person that youll get with in all aspects of life.

Ive been jealous of my siblings to find that one or two person they can share and get along with in every facet of their lives, except my siblings.

I had to slice my life for different friends.

And I always find myself having friend who low key always needs to up themselves. Its exhausting trying to downplay everything.

That one friend who always gets your funny side but never your prideful side, nor your serious and sad self.

Exhausting.

#mylife mypoetry #godblessus #melancholic

[pengpongpooh]

I just realized recently that Ive been denying the fact that I am Priveleged.

Throught my years of education, I have attended private schools.

Now that I am working in an education sector, and a public/govt. run at that, I realized that most of my colleague were either a working student or a scholar.

I mean I was a working student in university as well but private institutions in my country is mostly well regarded than govt. ones.

Knowing that my family afforded me a private school despite struggling is humbling.

It is ironic that while growing up, throughout my years of being educated, I was mostly under the influence of the higher society but now that I am a working adult, I am moving in a poor to mediocre society.

It is an eye opener and a humbling experience. I have a lot of things to know and discover. I have a lot to adjust but these people, with stories of their own, I bow my respect and awe.

#mylife mypoetry #livelovelaugh #godblessus #lovelife

[pengpongpooh]

Love Pusheen

[pengpongpooh]

Been trying to stay afloat. Trying to curb loneliness. Trying to work harder.

But the people you care about never see it. They only see what they want to see. They want to force every fiber of your being to give and give.

Only the walls of my bedroom heard my wails. Only my pillows felt my tears. Only the blankets gave me comfort. Only God heard my pleas.

I always expect something will change. But it only does when you give.

I should have known I will never be seen for the things I try to do; that only results will do.

I should already expect to be put down whenever I try, and yet it startles me everytime they do.

I should stop caring but I always do.

Im numb to others but I feel so much for them.

And yet they treat me as if I never feel for them.

I pour out all my affections to the cats and dogs because they want it. They want all my silliness, my weaknesses and my joy. They jump in happiness with me. They lick my tears away. They just accept me for me.

I try not to feel for them but they always matter so I will always feel. You love so you feel. You love and you hurt. I hurt because I love. But when will my love be enough for them to stop the hurt?

#mylife mypoetry #godblessus #sad thoughts #hurting soul

[pengpongpooh]

Whenever I think of wanting to be the bubbly normal, mature woman, I put on my confidence mask.

That mask is how I hide my feelings of vulnerability. That mask is how I hide my feelings. That mask had always been my shield.

That mask is when people love my smile and my sunny persona. That mask is when men fell in my charm. That mask makes other women be mean to me because it is "confidence" which I was told I was not worthy. That mask is my default "people" face. That mask is what they prefer.

When I put down the mask, no one stayed. So I learned to keep my unmasked face a secret. Because people prefer me to be masked. That mask is the responsible me. That mask represents the me that cannot and should not be pulled down.

But I just wished someone would say to the unmasked me that its okay to be weak and vulnerable. I wish someone would hug amd accept that masked me. Because, both the masked and unmasked me is still ME.

#mylife mypoetry #godblessus #livelovelaugh #sadness

[pengpongpooh]

Once again, I am attracted to someone who I cannot have.

My life had always been a repition of my past. Im tired. Should I relocate to other country for me to open a new path?

I see rainbows, and I glow. But I dont want to repeat my mistakes.

Love is hard but Life is harder.

#mylife mypoetry #godblessus #livelovelaugh #lovelife

[pengpongpooh]

You give yourself to others when they ask, but the moment you ask from them, they all but complain.

It breaks my heart everytime.

#mylife mypoetry #livelovelaugh #godblessus

[pengpongpooh]

Its amazing how I find females who are mean to me for reasons unknown to me, no matter where I go.

I was bullied in kindergarten for reasons not explained to me. Females I consider my close friends turn to backstabbers. Now, in work there are still females who backstab me when we barely interact or talk.

Is it me? Im too old for this. I should just turn into a hermit because females are too bossy or mean or jealous. Its exhausting.

#mylife mypoetry #slife of life

[pengpongpooh]

Last 2021, I lost my maternal grandmother.

Last 2022, I lost my paternal grandfather.

This year, I lost one of my paternal aunt.

Hearing the sudden death of my aunt comes to mind what Nagi no Asukara's Chisaki said.

I know that it is what life is. But it hurts and its painful.

#mylife mypoetry #mournful #im tired

[pengpongpooh]

It seems like everyone is moving on happily in their lives. It appears like they have a direction to where they go. Everywhere I look, I see everyone with partners.

I've been good. I accomplished what my parents wanted for me. I have no vices. I have no bad habits. But why am I always behind everyone else despite trying and moving everyday?

Whenever I take a step or two forward, everyone is ahead of me by leaps and bounds. I look around me and no one walks with me.

I am always alone and left behind.

Is it too much ask to find someone who'll be with me through my ups and downs?

I find myself thinking, being sad, crying alone at my place. Everyday, as I go to work, I put on a smile and a sunny demeanor, reminding myself that I am just fine. But when I get home, I get so lonely. It never bothered me before, but now I am anxious that I'll never find someone.

#mylife mypoetry #livelovelaugh #godblessus #lonelier version of you #anxeity

[pengpongpooh]

And rainbows have an ending. So is my dream...

I am alarmed and nervous. It was a red flag. It was fun and fleeting.

I wasn't sad or disappointed. It was more like surrendering to the fact that it was inevitable.

Once again, I need to restart.

#mylife mypoetry #livelovelaugh #godblessus #not meant to be

[pengpongpooh]

Is it fine to feel rainbows and sunshines?

Is it fine to be carried away by this feeling?

My fear is to realize that nothing was real, that it was all just a game.

More than loneliness and dislike, I do not want to feel disappointment.

Disappointment was something that I had experienced so many times. The small emotion of disappointment is something that piled up in my life and something I fear.

Disappointment was expecting something that wasn't.

I feel rainbows, I feel giddy, I feel like jumping but I also feel like I am living a different life. I feel like I would be disappointed.

But I wanna soak in these feelings of sunshine, for a bit.

Is it wrong to do so?

#mylifemypoetry #livelovelaugh #i am infatuated

[pengpongpooh]

Transition and Change is never a "smooth" process. The change may be tiny but it will always be felt.

Henry's Geralt was borne out of love, dedication and loyalty to the books and the games.

It is even hard to change track especially since Henry introduced Geralt, he gave personality and visual to him for 3 seasons. He had built a raport with the characters like Ciri and Yen and Jaskier.

The sudden change visually and relationship wise shifts the whole Witcher series.

#the witcher #bring back henry cavill #henry as geralt only

[pengpongpooh]

Reality is more like:

"There is Nothing Equal as the Unequal Treatment of Equals"

#mylife mypoetry #godblessus #livelovelaugh

[pengpongpooh]

All my life,whenever arguments in the family happen, I am always the one at fault, because I am the one who answers back and disrespects the elders, because as the young one, I know nothing.

They tell me they knew me and that I dont understand them. It is always layed down at my feet. Logically, they have been right.

Sometimes I wonder, every arguments, every blame, what part of me dies and what replaces the part that died?

I feel like the part that dies was never ever replaced. I feel like my soul dies everytine I am blamed.

God, I know I will get through the storm because I know you dont give me challenges I cant overcome. But I am weary and I am left confuse with things that I should do and things that I should learn.

#godblessus #god help me #mylife mypoetry

[pengpongpooh]

I am not right, and I don't think I'll ever be. I don't even care wether I'm right. But people don't heed my words but wants me to follow theirs. I have my own life, and I don't think I will live it to follow other's words. I will only follow the God's words blindly.

#mylife mypoetry #tired of people

[pengpongpooh]

#mylife mypoetry #livelovelaugh #melancholic