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perlukafarinn · 25 days
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you ever read an AU so good that you're upset when you finish it. like this fic is all that exists of this universe. where am i meant to place all those feelings now???
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perlukafarinn · 27 days
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knee-deep in batman content atm (aka fanfiction where bruce is a good father, mostly a death in the family fix-its)
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perlukafarinn · 1 month
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Just need to say something
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perlukafarinn · 1 month
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need a fic set after amok time where spock ponders that he's gonna need a new bondmate eventually. and kirk goes, "well, what about me?"
spock considers this and very logically deduces that yes, kirk would be a suitable mate due to their mental compatibility, aligned careers and his general good qualities. "and also i'm in love with you," kirk helpfully adds.
spock is a bit alarmed by that, as he's not sure he can fulfill kirk's emotional needs but kirk assures him that just being with him is enough.
so they bond and begin to share quarters and it's a surprisingly easy leap to make. kirk is a model bondmate, considerate of spock's needs, offering intimacy when spock wants it and giving him space when necessary. spock does his best to return the favor and although he still occasionally worries that he cannot be everything kirk needs, kirk is always quick to reassure him.
then one day in their shared quarters after a shift, spock looks up from his paperwork at kirk. kirk, noticing him looking, gives him a soft smile and realization strikes spock like a bolt of lightning.
he is in love with kirk. it was never about kirk being the logical choice, spock wanted to bond with him because he loves him.
when he tells kirk this, his smile widens but he otherwise doesn't respond and another realization hits.
"you knew," he accuses kirk.
kirk hums. "i gambled."
then he holds out his hand and spock accepts the ozh'esta and is quietly grateful that this conversation will never be known to mccoy
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perlukafarinn · 1 month
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lowkey came out during class bc my professor was talking about presenting gender and sexuality and as an example brought up the fact that she got an eyebrow piercing when she came out as bi and i chimed in with "i just bought a bunch of plaid shirts" and then i had to ponder on the luxury of making that statement without any fear for my safety or judgment from my peers
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perlukafarinn · 1 month
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perlukafarinn · 1 month
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perlukafarinn · 1 month
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a kind-of coda to 15x18. this is not speculation, just what i felt i needed to write
Dean had tried not to think about what he’d do if he ever saw Cas again.
It shouldn’t be possible. Cas was gone, for good. And sure, he’d been gone for good more than once before and always found his way back from it but that didn’t guarantee anything. Dean couldn’t afford to hope, not when losing Cas had almost killed him the last time. 
And yet. That hope had stuck stubbornly around, refusing to go away despite Dean’s best efforts. This wasn’t, couldn’t be, the end, because Cas may have said his piece but Dean sure has hell hadn’t.
He’d hold him, was his first thought. The way he had before, clinging to Cas with all that hunger and desperation he felt whenever he returned, his longing safely hidden behind social conventions, armed with an iron-clad excuse to touch that no one could question. 
He’d kiss him, was his second thought, and even thinking it had Dean’s heart seizing, caught somewhere between pants-shitting terror and transcendent joy. It was something he hadn’t even allowed himself to fantasize about before, and even thinking it felt almost too audacious. 
Maybe, since he was already in the realm of impossible fantasies, he’d say something cool first, something like ‘We really gotta work on your timing, angel’. And Cas would smile, like he’d known what was coming all along and had just been waiting for Dean to get with the program, and that would be the moment Dean would lean in and kiss him, capturing that smile against his lips. 
(Except, no, it wouldn’t happen that way because Cas hadn’t known. How he couldn’t have was beyond Dean, not when angels were supposed to feel longing and he’d been bleeding it for almost as long as he’d known Cas. But then, how could Cas have known when Dean was only just coming to terms with it himself?)
He’d punch him in the face, was his third thought, but anger was becoming more and more difficult for Dean to hold on to and the urge for violence faded quick. Even if Cas had picked just the absolute worst way to tell Dean he loved him, the one guaranteed to cause him the most pain, and all that without even meaning to. 
In the end, Dean did none of that. 
Keep reading
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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some things should stay in the drafts
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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I'm back with another unbearably homoerotic story from The New Voyages (this one even has a foreword written by Leonard Nimoy)!
The story in question is Ni Var, written by Claire Gabriel and published in the first New Voyages volume in 1976. In it, Spock is split in two - his human half and his Vulcan half. He and Kirk also have unnecessarily intense and emotionally loaded interactions pretty much every page. Just look at this passage that happens right after Spock is split:
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The moment Kirk sees Spock, he knows something is wrong. They have an emotional talk that turns into an argument that turns into Kirk asking Spock what's wrong and if he can help.
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It's the way Kirk reads Spock like an open book! How Spock finds comfort in Kirk's offer to help, even if he's not ready to accept it.
And just when you think it can't get any more intense, bam - City on the Edge of Forever callback!
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Kirk is having an extremely normal one.
Anyway, Kirk finds out about the split soon enough because damned if Spock can keep a single secret from him once he's determined to find out.
We are distracted from the main plot, however, as the Enterprise is sent on a mission to a planet whose natives love the taste of human flesh. Of course, Kirk insists on joining the landing party but Spock is Not Having It.
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They are having this fight in front of the crew. If the rumors didn't exist before, they certainly do now.
Spock loses the argument on account of Kirk being Captain and goes back to his quarters to discuss the issue with his Vulcan half.
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This, the text points out, is the first thing Spock's two halves are in complete agreement on. Protecting Jim. I am banging my head against the wall.
Then Vulcan Spock goes on a mental tangent about humans and emotions and one human in particular, and this passage drives me bonkers.
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"Until he met Jim Kirk."
"A man for whom he felt friendship, perhaps even what Humans call love."
Clawing my eyes out. The romanticism of it all. These are completely normal thoughts to have about your commanding officer!!
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And then Spock decides to risk what he calls "for a Vulcan, torture" to ensure Kirk's safety. What this whole subplot is for is essentially to show that Spock's two halves can be united and the thing they unite over..... is Jim.
I am unwell.
Spock does manage to keep Kirk from throwing himself to the proverbial wolves, the plot moves on, and then they're back in front of the machine that split Spock and can be used to unite him again. Kirk has an angsty moment about that time he was split in two (the whole story, in addition to exploring Spock's split identity, is filled with callbacks to The Enemy Within and the toll that experience took on Kirk mentally and it's great).
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This isn't a particularly Kirk/Spock moment but I had to include it because I love the mental image of Kirk flipping himself off and Spock laughing at it. Kirk would fuck his clone, actually.
Then the time is at hand to unite the two Spocks. Kirk puts a comforting hand on Human Spock's shoulder but then hesitates to do the same to the Vulcan half and this whole page has me crying, screaming, throwing up, etc.
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God.
Spock is united, all is well, and the story ends with Kirk grinning at Spock and Spock responding with an oh-so-subtle smile.
In conclusion: gay.
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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annoyed babygirl
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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this is straight out of the gayest porn you've ever seen i swear tg
more here (at your own risk)
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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if captain kirk irresponsible? why huge baby cow eyes???
if captain kirk bad captain? why-
you thought i was gonna talk about his voluptuous titties fat ass sparkling personality and unflinching moral character ? no.
if you say kirk is a bad captain i will kill you. I will shoot you into space like they did to bill shatty when he wouldn’t shut tf up about going to space
except unlike bill shatty ill send you up naked and defenceless into the vast chasm of space your lungs will explode and your eyes will fall out or some shit (i saw that in a doctor who episode)
kirk drift is getting out of hand and my response to this is ending all kirk drifters and repopulating the earth with kirklophiles such as myself and my dad paul.
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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I'm back with another unbearably homoerotic story from The New Voyages (this one even has a foreword written by Leonard Nimoy)!
The story in question is Ni Var, written by Claire Gabriel and published in the first New Voyages volume in 1976. In it, Spock is split in two - his human half and his Vulcan half. He and Kirk also have unnecessarily intense and emotionally loaded interactions pretty much every page. Just look at this passage that happens right after Spock is split:
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The moment Kirk sees Spock, he knows something is wrong. They have an emotional talk that turns into an argument that turns into Kirk asking Spock what's wrong and if he can help.
Tumblr media
It's the way Kirk reads Spock like an open book! How Spock finds comfort in Kirk's offer to help, even if he's not ready to accept it.
And just when you think it can't get any more intense, bam - City on the Edge of Forever callback!
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Kirk is having an extremely normal one.
Anyway, Kirk finds out about the split soon enough because damned if Spock can keep a single secret from him once he's determined to find out.
We are distracted from the main plot, however, as the Enterprise is sent on a mission to a planet whose natives love the taste of human flesh. Of course, Kirk insists on joining the landing party but Spock is Not Having It.
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They are having this fight in front of the crew. If the rumors didn't exist before, they certainly do now.
Spock loses the argument on account of Kirk being Captain and goes back to his quarters to discuss the issue with his Vulcan half.
Tumblr media
This, the text points out, is the first thing Spock's two halves are in complete agreement on. Protecting Jim. I am banging my head against the wall.
Then Vulcan Spock goes on a mental tangent about humans and emotions and one human in particular, and this passage drives me bonkers.
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"Until he met Jim Kirk."
"A man for whom he felt friendship, perhaps even what Humans call love."
Clawing my eyes out. The romanticism of it all. These are completely normal thoughts to have about your commanding officer!!
Tumblr media
And then Spock decides to risk what he calls "for a Vulcan, torture" to ensure Kirk's safety. What this whole subplot is for is essentially to show that Spock's two halves can be united and the thing they unite over..... is Jim.
I am unwell.
Spock does manage to keep Kirk from throwing himself to the proverbial wolves, the plot moves on, and then they're back in front of the machine that split Spock and can be used to unite him again. Kirk has an angsty moment about that time he was split in two (the whole story, in addition to exploring Spock's split identity, is filled with callbacks to The Enemy Within and the toll that experience took on Kirk mentally and it's great).
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This isn't a particularly Kirk/Spock moment but I had to include it because I love the mental image of Kirk flipping himself off and Spock laughing at it. Kirk would fuck his clone, actually.
Then the time is at hand to unite the two Spocks. Kirk puts a comforting hand on Human Spock's shoulder but then hesitates to do the same to the Vulcan half and this whole page has me crying, screaming, throwing up, etc.
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God.
Spock is united, all is well, and the story ends with Kirk grinning at Spock and Spock responding with an oh-so-subtle smile.
In conclusion: gay.
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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from Star Trek: The New Voyages 2, published in 1978 (!!!)
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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Oh btw I'm reading another star trek novel and chapter 1 just opens like this
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perlukafarinn · 2 months
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Still hung up on him
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