peteythesnake

[peteythesnake]

four years

four years, and each year i wonder how much longer this will last

four years of fear

four years of grief

four years of heartbreak

anniversaries are meant to be happy, are they not?

birthdays, marriages, victories, celebrations

nobody warned me an anniversary could be this gruesome

now i feel as if my whole life revolves around these anniversaries

autumn brings a depression so deep i feel like i'm drowning

it brings mourning

grieving someone who hasn't died

it brings the tainted memory of you and my body

the shame i now carry like a backpack

does a person not dry up? run out of tears?

when it comes to this,

when it comes to you,

i am a river

unyielding

no matter how hard i try to close the floodgates

spring brings fear

a terror i had never felt before

but feel again, and again, and again

in nightmares and flashbacks

in memory-induced panic attacks

will i ever forget your face?

will i ever forget the feel of your strength overpowering mine?

there is just enough time in the gaps between these anniversaries

for me to pull myself from surviving to living

just enough time

to start to feel hopeful

to begin to love things again

to feel whole

to feel human

until the seasons change, and i'm knocked off my feet again

but i will make do

i will take the blows as they come

i will get pushed, violently, to the ground

twice a year

but twice a year,

i will stand back up

#trauma #emotional #mental illness #mental health #recovery #trauma recovery #writing

[peteythesnake]

my brain is boiling

my heart is too

there's no other explanation for this feeling

for this pain

for this terror

for this guilt

for this turmoil

there is too much

there is too much

there's too much

there'stoomuch

therestoomuch

[peteythesnake]

describe what you see as you see it

say what you feel when you feel it

speak your thoughts

let your insides flood out

give me a peek inside

if you show me yours, i'll show you mine

[peteythesnake]

lost and sinking and sinking and lost

trees losing leaves

grass killed by frost

choking on tears

breathing unsteady

weight on my chest

has been getting too heavy

#poem #poetry #poet #shitty poetry #emotional #i watched romcoms all day #writing #writer #shitty writing #emotional poem #emotional writing #metaphor #metaphorical

[peteythesnake]

i wanna hold your hand

look at me like you see me

hug me like you don't wanna let go

we'll walk barefoot in the rain at midnight

share a blanket while we watch christmas movies

move closer

but slowly

like we're shy

#poem #poetic #peotry #poet #love #in love #cute #romance #romantic #relationship #puppy love #new love #love poem #love poetry

[peteythesnake]

i am ugly

rotten

overinflated

filthy

pathetic

i crave emptiness

empty head

empty stomach

empty mouth

complete and utter emptiness

#writing #emotional #mental health #mental illness #self hate #self hatred #emo #eating disorder #anorexia

[peteythesnake]

how is it possible

to feel so emotional

yet so desperate for emotion

to feel so frozen

but to also be boiling over

i am so angry

so sad

so withered away from the world i once had

i miss my friends

but i hate them

i want to be who i used to

but hate who i was

#poem #poet #poetry #writer #writing #bad writing #amateur poet #bad poet #bad poem #bad poetry #empty #emotional #mental health #mental illness

[peteythesnake]

it’s late at night

i can’t sleep

lost track of the numbers

ran out of room for the sheep

#insomnia #cant sleep #sleepless night #counting sheep #writing #writer #journal #diary

[peteythesnake]

rapid heart

weak, unsteady

limbs of glass

fragile, stiff

head of cotton

filling space

#poem #poetry #poet #bad poetry #bad poem #short poem #amateur poetry #emotional #mental health #mental illness

[peteythesnake]

today i am overflowing

tomorrow i will crawl out of the raging river and back onto the muddy banks

i will do my best not to slide back into the murky, murderous waters

but this is the game i play

back and forth

endlessly

today i am swallowing water

forgetting how to breathe

tomorrow i will search for oxygen

and hope it fills my needs

#poem #poet #poetry #emotional #writer #writing

[peteythesnake]

body shivers

shoulders shake

barely moving

hardly awake

breathing slowly

if at all

heartbeat falters

then i fall

#poem #poetic #poetry #poet #writing #writer #bad writing #emotional #late night #deep #bad poem #bad poetry #bad poet

[peteythesnake]

make me small

make me compact

make me fit

in tiny gaps

make me weak

make me shy

make me easier to hide

shove me down

stuff me away

shelter me from

the light of day

#poem #poetry #poet #bad poem #bad poet #bad poetry #ed #eating disorder #anorexia #emotional #journal #diary

[peteythesnake]

illuminate me

make me shine

make me bright

say you’re mine

#love #lonely #in love #alone #poetry #poem #poet #bad poet #bad poetry

[peteythesnake]

#trees #winter #snow #snowing #snowy trees #snow on trees #snowflake #snowflakes #falling snow

[peteythesnake]

#jeep #jeep tj #offroading #driving #summer #backyard #grass #gif #jeep gif #driving gif

[peteythesnake]

#alexander supertramp #into the wild #chris mccandless #hobo #tramp #vagabond #hitchhike #nature #travel #gif

[peteythesnake]

#into the wild #alexander supertramp #chris mccandless #vagabond #tramp #hobo #hitchhiker #gif